


A Bystander's Lover

by kikirikara



Category: Free!
Genre: Aquaphobia, Asthma, Drama, F/F, F/M, Humor, Multi, Reader-Insert, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-27
Updated: 2016-04-23
Packaged: 2018-03-15 11:37:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 31
Words: 174,586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3445721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kikirikara/pseuds/kikirikara
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Since your asthma got worse gradually in Tokyo, you returned to Iwatobi, your hometown and started living with your aunt.<br/>Sports was always something you weren't able to enjoy. And being afraid of the water, swimming was never an option.<br/>When you meet the swimming boys, you couldn't help but think of them as hot and unapproachable. However, you soon get dragged into their business and become the most important person to them.<br/>A person who'd not only see the water's surface but beneath it</p><p>(Re-upload, coming from Quotev)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. You, the stranger

„…-ou say? Yo, guurl, are ya listening?“

Your best friend interrupted the affectionate glances which you and your lunchbox on your lap exchanged and you had no choice but to sigh and turn to her.

She’s always been like that. Always disturbing your mealtime, always keeping you from eating and, although there wasn’t much that kept you from eating, your  childhoodfriend, Nana, was an exception. Sure, you are beyond all bearing when your stomach was empty but Nana is even worse when she would notice your absent-minded looks and jump to conclusions like…

 

“You didn’t listen at all, did you!!”

Yes, conclusions like that one which were pretty accurate.

Again you exchanged quick glances with the pile of rice which waited seductively on your chopsticks and whispered in a sweet, low voice to you.

You couldn’t help but smile apologetic at Nana.

“Sorry, Nana-chan”, you hoped that your smile and guilty eyes were able to avert the danger as usual.

Nana wasn’t good at being angry at you. Or your smiles. So she sighed in defeat.

“Oh boy, you… So, what I was saying was: I heard you’re in the same class as Tachibana-senpai and Nanase-senpai”, she looked at you, eyes sparkling with excitement. Nana already forgot your lack of attention and was smiling that perverted smile which was pretty typical for her.

“Right…”, you answered thoughtfully, trying to remember the names and faces. Well, it wasn’t that hard. How could you forget such handsome, young boys? As soon as you remembered their faces your eyes lit up.

“Oooh!! _Riiight_ ~!!”, you smiled, just as ominous as your friend, putting the chopsticks innocently between your lips to get another bite of rice.

Of course you wouldn’t forget such faces, Jesus. No way. Your second day at Iwatobi's high school – which was today - has been hasty but you'd never forget the most handsome looking boys in your class and how big this school was and that you ended up being in the same class as someone called Tachibana Makoto and Nanase Haruka, who was mistaken for a girl.

Your best friend who was one year younger than you, was in the same class as some other guy who wasn't that worth mentioning but obviously friends with the other boys.

 

“So? What is it like to see ‘em again?”, she asked, lowering her voice so no one would notice. It seemed like Nana knew those guys already for some time, unlike you, who transferred from Tokyo to Iwatobi.

Or, that's what you tought. What did she mean, 'again'?

 

"Again?", you frowned at her but she only blushed in response and framed her question differently.

"What kind of people **are** they, was what I was saying"

“Well, they are hot but I don’t need to tell you that, do I?”, you chuckled, taking another bite of your lunch, without thinking of Nana's strange way of putting her question any longer.

“And I’m not talking to them… only staring at them, you know”, you shrugged, loving your lunchbox more than the faces of these boys at that moment.

“Are you kidding me? If I were you, I would take them home! Both of them!”, her eyes widened bewildered.

“But you’re not me, so, why haven’t you? Your chances are better than mine, I guess. Being the cute kohai must be pretty cool”, there was no way they would look at you anyway, right?

Maybe your tone was a little bit harsh and you regretted it soon after. But Nana didn’t have to shake at your insecure being, right?!

Knowing you since kindergarten she pinched your cheek.

“Being at their age and having sexy eyes must be great, damn!”, she smiled proudly at you as if she was your mother and praised you for becoming a young lady.

 

"Girl, it’s only one ye-…”

 

“Sshh!! Here they come!”, she hushed, shoving her chopsticks into her mouth as if her life depended on that single piece of carrot. You only shook your head, smiling at your cheerful friend but you couldn’t deny that you wanted to undress these boys simply by looking at them.

They sure were hot… but also aloof. It’s like being bullied. There was some dweeb who held your beloved sweet above your head and you jumped for it, reaching your hands out.

But there was no way you could get it.

Until the brunette male glanced at you inquiring, that is.

His naïve look was way too sudden and there was a huge conflict going on inside of your head. Every single inch of your body screamed in panic, there were so many answers to the question ‘Jesus, fuck, what the hell am I supposed to do now that he saw me **frigging staring at him** ’ but there wasn’t any which included clothes and civilized behavior so you smiled softly and bowed your head.

There was that soft look in his eyes which told you that he recognized the ‘new girl from Tokyo’ and it made you happy, kind of. You just wished it was the look which said that he recognized the ‘unbelievable **hot** new girl from Tokyo’.

 

“She’s staring at us”, the raven-haired boy next to the taller one and in front of the blonde one stated.

"Maybe she's interested in you!", the blond boy chuckled devishly and poked the other one's cheek and you lost it.

You turned your head away, clenching your eyes shut and pretended to be invisible.

 

“Are you pretending to be invisible again?”, your friend chuckled, munching on her chopsticks.

“Is it working?”, you whispered timidly.

“No”, Nana laughed at your behavior, “I can’t believe it. You just embarrassed yourself in like… five seconds”

“Oh, shut up…”

 

 

* * *

 

Your second day at Iwatobi's ended. Well, it hasn’t been half as bad as you have thought. You didn’t embarrass yourself while introducing, you didn’t fall down the stairs or the roof but you also didn’t meet your prince.

“Are you okay?”, Nana asked, looking worried.

Your sigh must have been really loud, huh. There wasn’t something wrong in particular. You just wished to see more familiar faces and roads. In other words: You were homesick at your very second day of school.

“Homesick?”, she asked, seeing right through you and you nodded.

“Kinda”, you answered, gazing up at the night sky as the both of you walked on the beach on your way home from the cute bakery Nana wanted to show you.

However, your face lid up as soon as you saw the billions of twinkling dots in the sky.

“Beautiful, right? You don’t see such things in Tokyo, hm ~?”, Nana smiled proudly at you and pinched your side. You couldn’t help but laugh.

“And the sea! Look, it’s twinkling too!!”, she shouted eagerly and danced on the sand as if there were no worries.

As you looked at the sea and saw what she saw you just had to stop and look at the sight. It was beautiful. It wasn’t just the sky which smiled brightly at you but also the sea.

“Wow… what would it be like to swim in there?”, you muttered without thinking and Nana turned to you, worried.

 

_Not like a scardycat and non-swimmer like me would ever know..._

 

“Not now!! It’s way too cold and dangerous for you! Maybe in summer!”, she grabbed your wrist and dragged you along. She probably thought that you would jump in in a second even though you weren’t the passionate swimmer. Not in the slightest. Quite the contrary, actually. Being afraid of the sea, even of pools, wasn't easy and quite tiering sometimes. 

As you two talked along the beach, nothing but silence lingered.

 

“So… does it do anything?”, Nana asked, turning her face away so you couldn’t see that she was blushing a little. She was worried about you, obviously, but she didn’t want to show that.

“Well… it feels better, I can’t tell much difference yet, though. It’s only my fourth day, Nana! Give me some time”, you laughed happily at the fact that Nana was so attached to you.

After all, you were only in kindergarten together and the first year of elementary school before your family moved to Tokyo for better jobs. You did your best in Tokyo, however, there has been some problems every now and then in terms of your weak lungs and your asthma, which was there ever since you were born, became a bother.

When it got worse gradually, the doctor sent you to a place where the sea air would help you deal with your condition. And, since you had your aunt in Iwatobi and spent kindergarten there you decided to go back for a while. But Rome wasn’t built on one day, right?

You won't be cured that fast.

“I’m fine”, you reinsured your friend, who tightened her grip around your wrist and pulled you in for a hug.

“There’s my house... See you tomorrow, good night and be safe!!”

Nana sure worried a lot about you even though she didn’t seem like that at all. She didn’t even want to part. If it wasn’t for you shoving her towards her home she would have stayed with you forever.

“See you, then”, you smiled softly.

It has always been like that. Nana has always been your friend who would pull you into the bright side of the world and show you how everything also has a beautiful side.

 

As soon as Nana was gone you turned to the sea again and looked at it with longing in your eyes you didn’t know you were able to feel. The cool spring wind blew softly, you could feel its hands stroking your hair, its fingers running through it like a lover’s. The sea air was so different than any air you’ve ever breathed in before, it was some kind of mixture of salt and fresh air.

It was easy to breath and you enjoyed that visibly.

 

“Oh. Isn’t that…”, suddenly, there was a soft voice in the distance and bewildered your clear thoughts of nothingness. You couldn’t help but look at the voice’s owner from the corner of your eye, hoping that he wouldn’t feel your gaze on his skin.

 

“[Name]-chan”

_Oh… don’t come here, I’m not good at talking to hot guys at the moment. Please._

“Good evening”, the brunette looked at you amicably, the raven-haired boy, on the other hand, just looked at you for a moment. It didn’t feel like he was looking at you in particular. It felt like… he watched your hair being played with by the wind’s gentle touch. Or like he looked at someone who belonged in the past. Just before you could avoid his gaze and blush he turned his look to the sea.

“Good evening, Nanase-kun, Tachibana-kun”, you tried your hardest to smile back. Well, it wasn’t hard for anyone to smile. It was hard to smile without looking dumb.

“Why are you here? Isn’t it pretty late?”, Makoto asked, worried and you couldn’t help but think that this was the reason for his whole existence.

Being worried about others.

“Ah… well, Na-… my best friend and I visited that cute bakery and forgot about the time, so… here I am”, you shrugged, smiling innocently at him. He reminded you of your aunt who would be in constant worry about you, texting and phoning you before getting mad at you. And your mad aunt was the worst thing you could imagine. It wouldn’t be much of a surprise if she was the cause of some typhoons and tsunamis out there.

You wondered if Makoto would be like that, too, when he was mad. Would it be scary to see a mad Makoto? It was hard to imagine.

“And you two?”, you looked at them, slightly shy.

They were in their casual clothes which meant that they weren’t on their way home from school. And you didn’t want to know what the shovel in Makoto’s hand meant.

Haruka didn’t speak the whole time, even though he kept eye contact with you sometimes.

 

“We, uh…”

 

“Time capsule”, Haruka interrupted Makoto’s flustered stuttering. It seemed like he was embarrassed by that. Well, maybe that ‘Time capsule’ thing was really popular among the girls, some boys didn’t care about it. Maybe that was the reason for Makoto’s blush on his sweet and delicious looking cheeks.

“Oh. That sounds romantic”, you smiled and secretly wished to do this kind of stuff in the future with your friends.

Since the atmosphere got really awkward and made you uncomfortable you tried to smile kindly at them. You gained the same smile from Makoto and dead silence from Haruka – which was expected.

 

_Well, crap._

You thought the situation was awkward but only smiling at them was even more embarrassing which reminded you of something.

“I… well… I kinda stared at you back then, at the rooftop. Sorry for that, sometimes when my thoughts drift off I tend to stare at something – or someone. You know, but that doesn’t mean I stare at you! I look, well, through you, or something. Because I actually stare into the distance!!”, you tried your hardest to explain yourself and got carried away pretty bad so you raised your voice subconsciously and looked at them desperately.

Then, again, there was that silence which could have killed you.

Congratulations. You embarrassed yourself twice on one day! They only looked at you, surprised, and exchanged looks. Haruka’s expression was obviously saying something like ‘Don’t look at me like that, Makoto, deal with that idiot on your own’ and you couldn’t help but sigh.

“Sorry, really, I-”

_You know? Maybe… maybe I should stop talking. Nothing good will come out of this._

 

“Are you going to be okay on your own?”, hearing Haruka actually talk to you twice took you off guard. It must have been awkward for him, being looked at by some surprised weirdo for a few seconds.

“Since it’s late… Will you be alright, walking home on your own?”, Makoto’s question was an indirect explanation for Haruka's sudden words and it took you some time to comprehend the situation.

So, Haruka just asked whether they could leave a girl like you on her own or not? Did he do that because he was concerned or because he wanted to loosen up the oddness of the situation?

Either way, you were grateful for that beyond measure.

“Ah… uhm… yes. I guess. I’ll be alright. My house is just a five minute walk from here, so… And it’s not in your direction, anyway”, you said, judging from the way they came from. It was the way you headed to.

To be honest, it was a shy lie. Of course you'd like those two guys to walk you home, talk with them some more - without the awkward silence, that is - and get to know them. But you'd only be a burden to them.

Again, they exchanged looks, Makoto’s showed honest concern, Haruka’s… not so much. But you thought to see something that could pass as interest.

After their silent conversation ended – you were pretty interested in what they were saying – both of them nodded slightly.

“Alright, then… be careful, [Name]-chan”

 

_Says the man with a shovel in his hands._

“I will, thank you for your concern”, being polite was the best way to keep in touch with gorgeous boys like them, you thought, so you were polite. Not that you weren’t polite, you were just a little shy. And a little sarcastic.

“See you tomorrow at school”, Makoto waved and even Haruka rose his hand, looking at you, this time.

Not your hair or the sea but at you.

 _There’s no way they talk to me tomorrow again, is there?_ , you sighed in thought and turned back home.

 

 

“’M hooome~!”, you said, softly while taking off your shoes.

You loved your aunt. She was kind, caring, funny and always on your side no matter what kind of stupid ideas you make come true.

“Welcome back, [Name]-chan, how was your second day?”, she greeted you, standing in the hallway. Her smile was as gentle and warm as the sun’s. Before it turned into that of a devil, that is.

“That's what I want to say, but... Do you have a watch? A **phone**?”, she placed her hands on her hips, looking at you angrily. But you know her too well to be scared by that. Because you know that there was always a hint of worry behind her angry façade.

“Yeah… I’m really sorry, aunty! It won’t happen again! Nana-chan and me just visited that cute bakery and then-…”, you stopped when your aunt came closer, your face only millimeters away.

“Hey, did something happen? Wait… Did your plan actually come true? You know, that ‘I’m going to meet my boyfriend at my second day of school’-plan!”, your heart skipped a beat and you blushed heavily.

“W-What?”, you stuttered, pulling away from her. There was no way you could look at her like that!

“Hah! I was right! Who is it? You need to introduce us some day! That’s it! I’m going to take you to school tomorrow!!”

“Aunty!!”, you pleaded, desperate to stop her weird way of thinking and jumping to conclusions.

“I’m glad you are alright”, her gentle smile took you off guard and, if she wasn't your aunt you would have fallen for her in an instant.

She ruffled your hair like she used to when you were little.

“I’m proud of you”

You loved her. Her gentle smile, her funny way of talking, how she always jumped to conclusions and how she always said the words you needed to hear.

“Yeah… me too… I actually talked to hot guys today”

“Yes!! Let’s celebrate!!”, her English was just as horrible as her taste in music – which was horrible but it never failed to cheer you up.

 

That was your second day of school at Iwatobi’s and even though it was a new start and a change of scenery you felt safe.

You didn’t dare to think about the ‘funny’ games life can play.

 

 

* * *

 

Sooo, this is my first Varios X Reader story and it is going to be a long one... I guess. I still don't know where it's going to end so, be patient with me =3

Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed it! Since I'm not a native speaker in terms of english there are some mistakes (for sure, pffxP) but I'm still trying my best. 

This story was uploaded on Quotev but I decided to upload it here because Quotev isn't the website I was looking for =3

So, don't worry, it IS my own story, from Quotev(my username there is kari) =3

That means I'm new on AO3 and I hope that my fanfic is at least average xPP

So, I hope you enjoyed this chapters, I'm gonna Re-upload the other chapters soon!

Please, go ahead and leave a comment (I still don't know what Kudos exactly are XP but you can leave them as well xDD)

Stay save/get healthy and take care of yourself!

See you in the next chapter!


	2. You, falling behind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Since your asthma got worse gradually in Tokyo, you returned to Iwatobi, your hometown and started living with your aunt.  
> Sports was always something you weren't able to enjoy. And being afraid of the water, swimming was never an option.  
> When you meet the swimming boys, you couldn't help but think of them as hot and unapproachable. However, you soon get dragged into their business and become the most important person to them.  
> A person who'd not only see the water's surface but beneath it
> 
> (Re-upload, coming from Quotev)

You woke at the chirping of birds which seemed to have the time of their lifes due to the spring weather.

It was actually quite unusual for you to open your eyes before your alarm clock goes off so you spent a few minutes, rubbing your eyes, yawning and looked at the time.

_Five minutes._

You could have slept five more minutes.

 _Oh god, why didn’t I sleep some more?_ , you asked yourself and yawned again, running one hand through your messy hair.

It is not like those five minutes would make you feel any better, anyway. Thinking that you had four minutes left until your usual time of waking, you sat there, your eyes watching your room and some boxes which were still unpacked. Some of them might contain old photo albums.

You thought of the pictures of you and your childhoodfriends. On most of the fotos, Nana was by your side but there also were a lot of Kisumi and Sousuke, playing with you on the playground, kissing your cheeks as if you were the most precious friend to them. You also remembered some pictures of the past baby-you and another boy who slept quietly beside you.

_What was his name..._

It was strange, wasn't it? Thinking of the past and all those people you've met in Iwatobi before you moved... it was only thanks to those boxes which _might_ contain those albums. The past usually becomes relevant only then when you have nothing else to think about.

And thinking of the past usuall makes people wish it would still be like that.

You wished that Kisumi was still in Iwatobi, you wished that the relationship you used to have with Nana wouldn't fade and you wished you hadn't had that fight with Sousuke in Tokyo before breaking down due to your lungs.

_Nostalgia_

When your alarm clock went off you stopped it right away, grunting slightly and stood up, stretching your tired limbs. You were really glad this time that your alarm clock didn't fail to interrupt whathever you were doing. You wouldn't have gotten anywhere by thinking of the past anyway.

As you opened the curtains you couldn’t help but smile at the sight of the rising sun which made the sea sparkle. It looked like the scenery wanted to wake you with all its might.

 _Today is going to be good_ , you made that promise just like every morning, filling your heart with hope and anticipation.

Well, you had your best friend with you and talked to some classmates at your second day. Of course, your third day was going to be fun, too! That’s what you told yourself, ignoring the fact that life can be a douchebag.

There was no one to wish you a good morning, since your aunt had to go to work early.

 _Must be tough, being a doctor_ , you thought, scratching your head. Only a letter on the dining table congratulated you for managing to wake up and told you to eat your breakfast.

_I wonder if aunty has been lonely before I came here._

Maybe she was. When she picked you up from the airport she was way too happy to see you and almost embarrassed the both of you. She’s the gentle and caring type but you couldn’t help but think that she also needed someone to take care of her. And that someone happened to be you. You’re used to eating your breakfast alone but it felt way less lonely at your aunt’s place than at your parent’s house. She even left a note. Your parents stopped writing notes since you joined elementary school in Tokyo.

With a full stomach, brushed teeth and, hopefully, less messy hair you left your home in your uniform and locked the front door. A promising morning and it felt like there was something waiting for you. Something great.

Being able to breath the fresh air and to look at the sea you sighed softly.

“Morning, [Name]-chan!”, you heard your neighbor laughing happily at your sight right before you were about to close the garden gate. He was an old man but young at heart and you secretly wished to become like him when you’re old. Healthy, happy and the only wrinkles in your face coming from laughter.

“Morning!”, you greeted back.

“Again on your walk with Mami?”, you asked, looking at his black, middle-sized dog which ran towards you.

“Just as every morning, noon and evening”, he said lovingly stroking his dog’s head. Since his wife passed away five years ago the dog was his beloved companion. You didn’t want to imagine what would happen to that old man if Mami died. Luckily, that wouldn't be in the near future.

“Well, I’m off, then!”, you waved at him.

“Have a good day and be careful!”

 

* * *

 

“What!? She’s already on her way?”, you asked Nana’s mother in disbelief.

At first, you couldn’t believe your ears. Maybe they were bad. Maybe you needed to clean them more frequently.

“I’m really sorry, [Name]-chan! I told her to wait for you, too, but she said she’d have some urgent business to take care of. I even scolded her but she wouldn’t listen…”, Nana’s mother was the forgiving type. She just couldn’t get angry at her daughter, scold her or stand up against her.

You sighed heavily. Nana’s mother wasn’t reliable. She was gentle and kind, sure, but she was just too naïve.

“It’s okay, Usami-san. I’m going to catch up to her”, you smiled boldly at her, putting your hands on your hips. Nana would pay for that.

 

* * *

 

“’Serious business’, my butt!!”, the whole world should know about Nana’s betrayal. How could she do that? Leaving you alone on your third day already. She told you that she looked forward on walking to school with you! What happened to her promises?!

"I'll never forgive you!!"

“Never forgive whom?”

 _Oh no, please, don't_ , of course you liked company. But not that early in the morning. Not with that messy hair and sleepy face.

“Nanase-kun! Tachibana-kun! Morning”, you smiled at them shyly and tried to hide yourself by shrinking. It worked just as well as your attempts to vanish.

Makoto smiled at you softly while Haruka only gave you a slight nod.

“Do you always come this way?”, Makoto then asked.

“Well, yeah. That’s my way to school”, the boys exchanged looks. Oh god, you would sell your soul for being able to speak in their tongue.

“Why don’t we walk together then, since we’re already here?”, the taller one looked back at you, gentle as always and you asked yourself whether there was anything which could upset him. At the same time you asked yourself whether there was anything which didn't seem to upset Haruka.

Or maybe he just wasn’t the outgoing type.

Maybe it was just his face.

“Uhm…”, you couldn’t help but blush slightly when you noticed that their presence made you speechless.

“… sure… why not?”

There was that awkward silence for a little while again and you dared to think that it would have been better to walk on your own. But then, Makoto saved you – just as expected.

“So, you transferred from Tokyo to Iwatobi, right? What’s Tokyo like?”, it seemed like he didn’t want to ask personal questions such as 'Why did you transfer' without knowing you better. He didn’t want to upset you after all.

“It’s huge~”, you chuckled and you were at a loss of words, which was strange. You spent a lot of time in Tokyo, why weren’t you able to describe it in a better way?

Maybe it was due to the fact that you lived there a long time. All these special things became daily things to you.

“I’m sorry”, you laughed slightly. “It’s hard to describe something you took for granted all the time… Well… let me try again… the public transports are awesome. Every place in Tokyo is connected to the other one, a car isn’t really necessary”, you started to explain and looked at Makoto, then at Haruka. Haruka didn’t seem to be very interested in other parts of Japan. He sure wasn’t a dreamer, was he?

“But, to be honest, I kinda like Iwatobi more! There is more nature and the sea is right over there and it’s just so beautiful!”, Makoto smiled at your passion for Iwatobi and when you mentioned the ‘sea’ you even had Haruka’s attention.

“When I was little I used to play in this sea a lot and-…”

“Little? This sea?”, Makoto asked surprised.

“So you have been here before?”

“Uh… of course you wouldn’t know… uhm…”, Iwatobi was your home town, actually. It was a shame that you didn’t know much about it. As you parted your lips in attempt to say something, Haruka interrupted you.

“The sea is still too cold to play in it, though”, that was the only thing he said and, even though he didn’t look at you, you knew he was talking to you. Maybe he was annoyed by your pause. Or he wanted to help you out and make you feel at ease.

“You’re right”, you chuckled and watched him for a moment.

“But Haru looks forward to it already, right?”, Makoto smiled like a loving mother at Haruka, who turned his face away.

“Not really…”, you barely heard his muttered words but you were able to notice that little hint of a sulk.

“Oh, look, he’s sulking”, Makoto and you couldn’t help but laugh at Haruka who increased his pace.

You were surprised at how well it went. Talking to them was pretty easy once you were used to their beautiful faces.

 _If_ you're able to get used to their faces, that is.

 

 

 

* * *

“Haru-chan~! Mako-chan~!”, when you arrived the school gate a blond boy ran towards the three of you and you were reminded of the annoyed voice of your friend.

_‘He’s so annoying, really. Always the sunny-boy, laughing etcetera. That blondy is going to kill me’_

Well. It seemed like you just found Hazuki Nagisa, Nana’s ‘annoying’ classmate. But he was like a male Nana, you saw that right away, so it wouldn't be that hard to get along with him, right?

“Morning!!”, the cheerful boy greeted the males next to you.

“Haru-chan made it out of the bathtub – yeeey!!”, he cheered and clapped three times and you couldn’t help but laugh in surprised disbelief:

“Wait, what?”

_Out of the bathtub?_

Haruka glared at Nagisa, so you couldn’t ask him – you didn’t want to die after all. So you stared at Nagisa and Makoto, who laughed it off. Apparently, you weren’t in the position to know such things yet.

“And what do we have here, hmm~?”, the boy, who was way smaller than the others, leaned forward so he could look into your clear eyes. It almost felt like he was able to read your mind just by looking at you. His sparkling dark-pink eyes pierced right through you and you couldn’t help but lean back a little, uncomfortable and flustered. Nagisa's smile was devious and it made you wonder what he was thinking. It wasn’t too hard to guess, though.

“Isn’t she the new girl from Tokyo? And you already befriended with her? Way to go, Haru-chan, Mako-chan!”, it also seemed like Nagisa had the power to stir all of them up so they didn’t find any words. You felt bad for them so you wanted to clarify the misunderstanding and parted your lips but Nagisa took a step backward so he could look at you properly.

You were glad that he tried to give you your personal space, however, being looked at in such a way was even more embarrassing.

“I’m Hazuki Nagisa! A 1rst year!”, you were grateful for that casual conversation and you were able to say the words you practiced since you arrived at Iwatobi's airport.

“Hello, I’m [Lastname] [Name], it’s a pleasure”, you found your honest smile again and looked at him. Your clear eyes, your soft and warm look, your kind smile.

You didn’t notice it but it took Nagisa off guard. It’s not like he changed his expression or something. The atmosphere, however, changed in the blink of an eye.

“Please”, it was his smile that seemed almost too innocent to be true and you didn’t want to lie to yourself. It was cute.

“Take care of me, [Name]-chan!”

“Uh-… sure-…”

“Yoo!! [Name]!”, your heart jumped in joy when you suddenly heard Nana's voice, saving you from awkward situations and running towards you.

“Nana-chan!”, you almost welcomed her with a hug. Unfortunately, you remembered something. You immediately put your hands on your hips and glared at her in anger and disappointment.

“Or should I call you, Traitor-chan?!”, realization hit Nana as hard as a fist in her stomach and she stopped her running and smiled at you apologetic.

“This…”, you sighed and pointed at Nana, “is Usami Nana, my best friend since kindergarten”

“Oooosu”, she winked at them and talked in her infamous boyish Japanese. Nana was more than bold. She was careless and usually scares boys away.

“And those boys are Tachibana Makoto-kun, Nanase Haruka-kun and Ha-…”

“Yeah, I already know them”, her rudeness embarrassed you utterly and you couldn’t help but facepalm your poor and cute little face.

Even though the boys smiled at her kindly – except for Haruka, you felt sorry for them. And then you started to feel sorry for yourself.

“Hurry, I need to talk to you”, she grabbed your wrist.

“Bid your boyfriends farewell”, you gasped aloud.

“Nana-chan, what the-… I’m sorry for going ahead, see you!”, you didn’t stand a chance to your best friend and you wished she was less pushy sometimes. But then, if she wasn’t that pushy you wouldn’t have got to know her, right?

After the two of you entered the entrance and changed your pair of shoes her cheerfulness was completely gone. It almost seemed like there has never been a cheerful Nana.

“Hey… Nana-chan, what’s wrong?”, you frowned and started to worry about her.

 

“You know…”, her voice was shaky. The first and last time you saw her like this was when a cat scared her to death.

And then she ran away. Just like that.

“Hey… Nana-chan!”

Without waiting for you and you could have sworn that she wanted to outpace you. Since Nana has always been a good runner she was way faster than you and left you behind.

"Nana-chan!"

 

* * *

 

Even on your way to your beloved lunch you couldn’t relax. You thought that maybe the school park would help you a little out.

 _I can’t believe it! I am supposed to be angry at **her**! Seriously, what’s with that?_ , of course you were angry at first.

But when Nana continued to ignore you frustration started to tear your heart in two. You felt guilty, too, which was absolutely unnecessary and pointless. But it was the only thing that made you feel like a good friend. You found no words to describe your loneliness.

Did your relationship with Nana change after all?

Your sigh would have been audible for nearly everyone if it wasn’t for the three guys who were fooling around.

You stopped.

 _Doppelgänger? What are they talking about?_ , Makoto talked about a fusion and started to move very oddly and you had to hold your mouth in order to keep your voice down.

 _Dweebs. Those boys are absolute dweebs_ , you thought and when Makoto jumped to his feet and complained about Nagisa and Haruka you couldn’t help but laugh out loud. Even your hand didn’t help much.

Since Nana wasn’t here for you to make you laugh at a long school day you were grateful for being able to laugh like this.

At first, they didn’t seem to notice you and kept on talking but then…

“Ooh, look, [Name]-chan saw your embarrassing Doppelgänger fusion”, the blond boy pointed at you and seemed to be a little surprised to see you.

“She’s even your classmate, how embarrassing, Mako-chan!!”, Nagisa teased innocently and you couldn’t help but laugh even harder. Sometimes you just had to laugh your tears away.

“Nagisa!”, Makoto pleaded and blushed slightly, Haruka didn’t seem to care at all.

“Did you really see that?”, the brunette turned to the laughing you who gasped for air.

“Yes!!”, you laughed, “and what has been seen cannot been unseen”

“Nooo…”, Makoto sighed and his shoulders slumped. Leaving Makoto aside, Nagisa smiled at you brightly.

“There’s space for one more!”

Automatically you took one step forward, really wanting to join them. However, when Nana’s face came to your mind you stopped. Maybe you should look for her. Maybe you should ask her what was wrong. But then: How many times did she ignore your attempts to talk to her? How often did she avoid you?

“Okay”, you smiled and sat beside Nagisa. Haruka was lying in front of you, his back turned to you. Maybe he was sleeping?

Well, at least someone felt at ease.

“Wait, where’s Nana-chan?”, the younger one asked you, his eyes wide with curiosity. You flinched slightly, managed a smile and stuttered. The mentioning of her name made you feel blue.

“Ah… well… she’s…”, there were no words and you fell silent. They looked at you, a worried frown on their face and it only made it harder for you to think of an excuse. You didn't want to tell them that it seems like your relationship with Nana wasn't as perfect as you wanted it to be.

And without any warning Haruka spoke up. So, he wasn’t asleep!

“By the way, [Name], do you know about that Doppelgänger fusion?”

Your eyes lit up and you almost laughed again.

“No, what is it?”, you asked, maybe a bit too curious but you couldn’t help but wanting to know the topic which made you laugh that hard more.

Haru continued talkin, his voice montone as always, his back still turned towards you.

“Back then, we joined a swimming club and there-…”

“Wait, Haru!!”, Makoto seemed appalled, “didn’t you say you don’t remember!!”, Nagisa tried to muffle his chuckles in vain.

“So?”, you leaned forward, looking up to Makoto, who, apparently, was the innocent one who didn’t even notice when someone deceived and played dirty games with him. And, coldhearted and evil as you are, you took advantage of that. How mean of you. But he was so cute, you couldn’t resist.

“What is this Doppelgänger fusion?”, you asked the tallest male, smiling ambiguously at him. Again, he smiled at you that typical smile of his and made these odd movements.

“Well, it goes like this: Super Fusion: Doppel-…”

That was it. You couldn’t take anymore. You threw yourself back, lying on the grass and laughing at the sky just as hard as the sun did laugh at you.

“Thi-… this…”, you gasped for air, holding your hurting stomach, “this is… precious!! Someone, please… take a picture!”, after some time Nagisa started to laugh with you.

“She’s got you there, Mako-chan!”

“Ehh?! Not you, too, [Name]-chan!!”

As you lay there, pulling yourself together, you put your head back and looked at the two girls who were upside down. They looked at you and the boys when suddenly the girl with somewhat maroon colored hair shouted: “Don’t call me ‘Gou’!” Her hair color was rather unusual and special.

“[Name]-chan?”, you heard Nagisa and Makoto calling your name and when you sat up Makoto sat right in front of you. Frowning and sulking.

“’You didn’t listen at all, right?’, is what he’s saying”, said Haruka and you looked at him briefly.

“I’m really sorry, it’s not nice to make fun of someone…”, you shrank, feeling Makoto’s glare at you.

“I can’t believe you’re siding with those guys, [Name]-chan!”, his sigh told you that he wasn’t mad at all. Maybe he was already used to it.

“No!”, you shook your head vehemently.

“Not at all! I’m siding with **you** , see? Come on, let’s do it together, Tachibana-kun! Super Fusion… : **DOPPEL** -!”

“- **GÄNGER**!!”

 

* * *

 

“Hazuki-kun, _pleeeeeease_!! Delete it, pretty please?”, on the way back to school you clung onto Nagisas sleeve and pleaded desperately.

He took a picture of Makoto and you performing that stupid fusion and it was utterly embarrassing too. You wished you were more photogenic.

“Never ever”, he chuckled, smiled devilish at you and started to increase his pace.

“Nanase-kun!! Please, make him delete it!”, you turned to Haruka who was walking next to a defeated Makoto. It seemed like the brunette male gave up fighting back a long time ago.

Clear, blue eyes stared at you for a moment.

“Nagisa”, Haruka then said and his tone was dunning enough to stop Nagisa.

“Oh… right…”, he said and typed something. After a while, he turned to the three of you and smiled innocently.

“Okay!”

“Did you delete it?”, your eyes sparkled hopeful but Nagisa just looked at you in confusion.

“Delete? No way. Why would I? I sent it to Haru-chan”, his smile turned into Cheshire’s grin and your gasp was loud enough to scare your other classmates.

“You **traitor**!!”, however, Haruka didn’t care at all. It was worth it.

“Come on, Tachibana-kun. You take care of Nanase-kun and I make Hazuki-kun delete this”, you stood on your tiptoes to, at least, look like you were whispering in Makoto’s ears. Of course, he had to lean down a lot.

“Okay”, his eyes and nod seemed confident, for, like... two seconds.

“But Haru doesn’t have his phone with him! He always keeps it at home! What do I do?”, he looked at you, desperately looking for your advice.

“Well, when you visit him next time, you’re going to delete it”

“Alright”, he seemed to be happy about the fact that you entrusted him with this task. When you started to walk after Nagisa he laughed and ran even faster. And when you started to jog, he started to run. It looked like he was challenging you. He was the first to challenge you in years! Everyone was mothering you and was considerate of you, making you feel guilty and useless.

But Nagisa wasn't. Well, he probably didn't know about your condition yet.

It felt good, running like that, chasing after someone who was enjoying himself just as much as you did.

 

At first you thought you would keep up with him, however, you weren’t a sportsman so you lost him soon. Feeling your lungs hurt a little, you had to stop, putting your hands on your knees and trying to catch your breath. You panted heavily, well, you were out of shape, obviously.

But there was another reason for your heavy panting and your breathlessness, wasn't it?

Your chest made scary noises with every breath you took, it was hard to breathe and you tried to hold your coughs in as you gasped for air and tried to breathe out.

You didn’t want to cough in front of everyone.

You didn't want to use the asthma inhaler in front of everyone.

Your asthma might have been even worse than you thought.

“Are you okay?”, Makoto and Haruka waited for you. You could see Makoto’s worried glances and you felt bad. You tried to tell yourself that it wasn’t something serious and forced yourself to calm down. It wasn't like you'd suffer an asthma attack, right?

_Oh god, please, not now..._

“Yeah”, you smiled at them weakly.

It was strange. Usually, you wouldn’t forget your condition that easily. Maybe it was because of…

“I was enjoying myself too much, that’s all”, the boys exchanged looks and you couldn’t help but feel a little sad.

 _Would I be able to catch up with those guys?_ , you asked yourself when you remembered how big their steps were.

You were slow, your steps short, in comparison.

You couldn’t even make up with Nana-chan. How were you supposed to make new friends?

As you entered the school building again you fell back – as expected. Well, why would they wait for you anyway?

A small sigh escaped your lips.

 _'Don’t risk it! It got even worse because you were living in Tokyo, right? So you should start slowly. Get used to the air and then join sports'_ , auntie’s voice echoed in your head.

_She’s right all along. I need to be more careful…_

“[Name]”, when you looked up you saw Haruka waiting for you. Makoto and Nagisa didn’t notice the absence of you two. They seemed to enjoy themselves. Well, Nagisa seemed to enjoy teasing Makoto, that is.

“I’m leaving”, your jaw dropped. What? What did he say? Why did he tell you that, anyway!?

“You… what?! On our third day? Already? Damn, you sure hate school, don’t you?”, at first, you were bewildered but then you chuckled at his cold determination.

“Don’t worry, I’m not going to-…”

“That’s not it. I told you because I want you to go, too”

That was an absolute ‘No go’. Of course, you like lying on your bed and you’d always like to laze around but not on your third day of school. No. Uh-uh, no way.

You shook your head which seemed to madden Haruka.

“Are you feeling okay, then? Makoto probably didn’t hear it. But I did”, his eyes were cold but somehow you knew that this coldness wasn’t meant to be rude. He wanted to show you your place - what you could do and what you couldn't do. He wanted you to accept help.

“That’s why you came to Iwatobi, right? Because of your lungs”, you tightened your grip on your schoolbag and nodded. You were a little ashamed of yourself.

Dragging you with him was pretty easy for him, leaving Makoto and Nagisa behind just like that, too.

 

After he saw right through you there was no way you could defy his eyes. Well, you were glad you were able to use your inhaler to calm your lungs, however, it would have been better if he wouldn’t have noticed it at all. It wasn’t something you wanted anyone to see.

You didn’t want anyone to worry about you or be considerate of you.

“It got worse in Tokyo so I came here”

“Which means it’s still bad. You should be more careful”, you wanted to protest but something in Haruka’s silence told you that he wouldn’t allow such a thing as defiance.

“Well, yeah, I know. But I just felt like… you know… running after Hazuki-kun”, again, there was silence.

Because of your condition, you were hardly able to join other children and play together with them. It seemed like your body misses that every now and then because sometimes you just felt like running and jumping around.

You felt guilty for Haruka’s worry, so you apologized sheepishly.

“But, you know, going all the way home without any reason isn’t necessary. I just need this…”, you showed him your asthma inhaler and smiled brightly, “… and everything’s alright! You worry way too much, Nanase-kun”, truth be told, you weren’t sure about that. Those scary noises, having issues with breathing out, those coughs. Maybe you almost had an asthma attack. You didn’t want to think about it.

Even though Haruka seemed to notice your doubts he didn’t say anything about it. Instead he said:

“’Haru’ is alright”, your heart skipped a beat and you felt strangely warm when you heard him say it. It took you off guard, so much, that you stopped and stared at him in disbelief. Did he just really say that it was okay for you to call him ‘Haru’?

“O-… okay then…”, you swallowed. Calling a boy by his first name – his nickname even, oh my gosh – was a big deal. You didn’t think your heart could handle it.

“H-… Haru…” He looked at you for a moment which seemed like an eternity and it made you feel uncomfortable.

Did you do something wrong?

When the two of you passed the crossing Haruka and Makoto came from when you met them at that morning, you stuttered confused.

“Uhm… wasn’t that just…”

“I won’t let you go home alone like that”, again that tone.

He didn’t seem like it but he was actually quite dominant.

“O-Okay…”, he shut you up with no sweat!

Your cheeks flushed heavily when you thought about the oddness of the situation. It was hard for you to hide your blush and joy. Yes, you enjoyed it, walking next to Haruka, being closer to him, because, hell, who wouldn’t? He was good looking after all. But you couldn't help but feel slightly uncomfortable and awkward. It was only your second day talking to them. You basically knew nothing about them. Your heart raced and you tried to hide yourself by hunching your shoulders. You didn’t even have the courage to defy him!

“Are you trying to be invisible?”, his soft voice, which actually sounded a little bit amused, scared you to death and every single muscle within you tensed.

“Yes, I’m trying to make it work someday…”

Haruka’s overprotective actions made you think of a saying.

Being curious you glanced at him, trying to find some kind of hint which would tell you something about his emotions.

 _Well, he’s right… maybe… Better safe than sorry_ , and, hell, you felt pretty safe next to him and his deep blue eyes. Well, seems like 'Today sure was going to be good', hm?

_**HE’S ACTUALLY WALKING ME HOME, AUNTY, WHAT DO I DO??!!** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter, wheeee!!  
> I hope you enjoyed that chapter! I'm not sure, but I think it was kind of... lame. Hopefully, I'm the only one thinking like that xP.  
> But Haru sure was kind in that one, huh? Well, you get to know why in the next chapter!  
> So, next chapter is going to be up soon and Rin's going to show up in the next one!  
> It seems like Reader-chan was friends with Kisumi and Sousuke and another boy at a young age, hrhr <3  
> If you have to say something then, please, go ahead and leave something in the comments =3  
> Stay safe and take care of yourself!  
> See you <3


	3. He, caring for you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Since your asthma got worse gradually in Tokyo, you returned to Iwatobi, your hometown and started living with your aunt.  
> Sports was always something you weren't able to enjoy. And being afraid of the water, swimming was never an option.  
> When you meet the swimming boys, you couldn't help but think of them as hot and unapproachable. However, you soon get dragged into their business and become the most important person to them.  
> A person who'd not only see the water's surface but beneath it
> 
> (Re-upload, coming from Quotev)

_‚Better safe than sorry‘, my butt. It’s not like he’d know what he’s supposed to do in case I get an asthma attack, anyway! So, why is he here? He’s going to give me a **heart** attack_ , you chewed nervously on your lower lip, played unconsciously with your fingers and looked at the houses you passed by, hoping to see yours so that awkward silence would stop.

 _Come on_ , your joy from earlier vanished completely and you just wanted it to end soon.

This was torture! But wait, why? Because you weren’t used to it? Well, yes, it kind of was your first time. Walking home together with another boy was only something you could read in shoujo manga after all. At least, that’s what you thought.

 _He’s not doing this because he-…_ , Haruka suddenly stopped walking and looked at the infinite vastness of the blue sea which was sparkling beneath the sunlight.

“Nana-… Haru?”

He didn’t respond which made you feel even more uncomfortable – if that was even possible.

“Haru…?”, you walked next to him and looked at his beautiful profile which was lit up by the sun. His blue eyes sparkled and the softness of his face almost took your breath away. He seemed so kind, so vulnerable.

_‘But Haru looks forward to it already’, that’s what Makoto said._

Did Haru want to swim in there that badly? You smiled softy at that thought.

“It’s still too cold, right?”, you quoted his words to remind him that you wouldn’t let him jump in and get sick.

“Yeah”, an absent-minded approval.

Usually, silence was never something pleasant. But, somehow, together with Haru it seemed like silence was another kind of communication. That’s why you decided to say no more. You just enjoyed the air and the soft wind which toyed with your hair as if it was its beloved plaything.

Standing next to Haru, looking at the sea like that sure was calming. It felt like you two were the only people in the universe.

There were no responsibilities.

No misunderstandings.

A pleased sigh escaped your lips.

“We should go now”, it seemed like Haru mistook your sigh for a silent complaint.

“We can stay here a little longer, if you’d like to. I enjoy the fresh air”, you wanted to make sure that he didn’t force himself to leave.

“No, it’s okay. Since I can use the bathtub it would make more sense to leave than staring at the ocean”, with that, he began to walk again.

Maybe it was because of your fear of being left behind but you started to jog after him. There was no need to, though. Haru made small and slow steps so he could walk next to you.

“There’s no need to rush”, you didn’t know Haru all too well but you knew him enough to understand that he'd never say unnecessary things. Which meant that it was important to him to make that clear.

“Y-… Yeah… thanks”, the atmosphere was strange. At first, it was your own thoughts which made you blush but this time it was the whole situation that seemed surreal.

“Sorry… for making you take me home”, you sheepishly said and looked at him, hoping he’d smile at you and ‘Don’t worry about it’ you. Well, you couldn’t expect that of Haru, could you?

“You didn’t ‘make’ me take you home. I forced myself on you”

Wow. You were glad that he took the blame but that was unexpected. Of course, it was true in some ways but you could have protested some more.

“Don’t say it like that”, you laughed mortified.

“That sounds really wrong and it wasn’t that bad! You were right, after all. Well… kinda”, he turned his face away and you couldn’t help but chuckle.

“Are you sulking again? Or are you just embarrassed because I noticed that you feel bad about being overprotective and dragging me with you?”, you didn’t know for sure, it was just a guess and you only wanted to tease him a little.

Who could have known that you were a good guesser?

 

* * *

 

 

“Alright… here we are”, both of you stood awkwardly in front of your house. You didn’t know what to do. Should you invite him in? Or would that be too pushy?

Unfortunately, it didn’t seem like Haru wanted to give you any hints. He just looked at the house, lost in thoughts as if he remembered something.

Maybe it was revenge for you teasing him.

“Soo~… you want to come in?”

There it was. It happened.

You broke rule #1: Never invite a boy into the house while aunty’s absent.

“Eat dinner, maybe?”

“Mackerel?”, that question came quickly compared to his usual speed of talking.

You thought for a while, closing your eyes so you could reproduce the picture of the refrigerator’s inner life you saw that morning.

“Yeah… I guess”

Since he didn’t say something in response you looked at him.

“What? You’ll come in if there is mackerel?”

He returned your gaze, his eyes sparkling in approval and you could see his Adam’s apple move in joy as he swallowed.

“I take that as a ‘Yes, please’ then’”, you chuckled softly and unlocked the door. 

Both of you took off your shoes in the entrance when you entered the house and you showed Haru to the kitchen.

“Just sit down”, you pointed at the dining table, took your jacket off, loosened the collar of your blouse and rolled up your sleeves. You turned your back to him because you expected him to be a good guest and sit still. You grabbed a frying pan and looked for mackerel.

 _Oh, thank god_ , you had to admit: Your ‘Yeah… I guess’ had been a little overhasty. You weren’t even sure whether there was some mackerel or not you just thought that you’d seen it somewhere.

You went back to the hot plate to heat it up, unpacked the piece of fish and reached for the oil on the shelf above the plate.

Since you have been alone most of the time in Tokyo, you were forced to learn to cook sooner or later. It was only a matter of time for cooking habits to occur. Humming a lullaby you’ve heard when you were little or swaying your body softly or biting your lower lip in focus, you’ve been doing those things for such a long time, you didn’t even notice that you’d do them as soon as you grab a frying pan.

_Frying it should do i-…_

“I can do it myself”

Haru’s gentle voice sounded so close,  tt took you off guard and you jerked pretty badly.

“W-What…?”, glancing over your shoulder, you saw that Haru stood right behind you and looked over your shoulder.

“Can you cook it the way I like it?”

_Jesus, it is only mackerel!_

You leaned forward to escape his glare and his hot breath and reached your other shaking hand out to look for something to lean on.

Your heart raced, pounded within your chest and it felt like it desperately searched for an exit.

Although your cheeks had been cold due to the spring weather a moments ago, you felt hot at that moment. Your world, your whole consciousness has been narrowed down to you and Haru.

Just when you thought you could lean on something and feel safe Haru grabbed your wrist and pulled you back forcefully. He didn’t hurt you but that sudden jerk made you stumble. You fell backwards to his chest, whining softly.

“It’s hot”, he told you and you looked up to him with a desperate and confused expression on your face.

What was going on? Why did this happen? You were utterly confused and flustered.

When you looked at the spot he nodded to you noticed that you would have put your hand on the hotplate if Haru hadn’t pulled you back.

After some time you stared again at him with the same expression as before.

Could he see your flushed cheeks? Was he able to hear your heartbeat? Or could he even feel it? Since you stared at him for a long time he looked down,  his eyes meeting yours. And, maybe, he was even looking at your flushed cheeks, your parted lips and your expression, desperate for an explanation for ‘How the hell did it come to this?! I only wanted to cook mackerel!’

Seeing all that, his eyes widened for a brief moment and he turned his face away from you – again.

You could have sworn that there was a hint of a blush on his cheeks. Or your eyes played funny games with your hazy mind.

Standing close to him like this felt strange but also familiar, somehow. It felt like you had been that close to him before...

He didn’t move an inch. The chest you leaned on moved up and down with every breath he took and his heart tried it’s best to communicate with yours.

The silence was unbearable.

“Uhm… so-… sorry, I’m… heav-…”

“I’ll cook”, before you could show your uncertainty of your body he pushed you aside carefully. You could feel his gentle but firm touch even after he let go of you.

Without any words he started cooking, his bangs hiding his face.

“I-… I’ll set the table, then”, you stuttered sheepishly, trying to hide your embarrassment and keep you from standing next to him all dressed up and with nowhere to go.

 

* * *

 

 

Sitting in front of Haru on the dining table you tried your hardest to look anywhere but him. It was rude to look at eating people after all.

You looked outside the window, stared at your nails and on the ceiling. You thought the situation would loosen up a little after you’d sit down. Well, you relaxed a little but the only person who’d come over was Nana. There haven’t been other people beside her. You just weren't used to it.

“Uhm… Haru? Why did you do this? I mean, you didn’t need to take me home and all”

He looked at his plate for some time, searching for the right words. It seemed like there weren't any so he decided to tell you what he was thinking.

“Makoto and Nagisa seem to like you”, he explained, “I thought that it would make them sad if something would happen to you”

“Oh-… well… thank you for taking me home…”, in other words, he forced himself. So, that was his reason. You wouldn’t say that you wanted to hear that kind of reason. Knowing that, the situation felt unpleasant.

“So… does it taste… good?”, you asked, smiling at him in an attempt to loosen the tention. Haru nodded.

_Of course it would taste good! He cooked it himself, duh!_

“Would it have been that bad if I had cooked it myself?”, his gentle nod and focused look from before made you confident and you asked some more.

Haru put the last bit of his dish into his mouth, his gaze piercing right through you and you gulped. He looked serious and interested compared to his indifferent face he usually had and the blue in his eyes sparkled.

“Do you cook often?”, he answered with a counter question.

“Uh-… yeah. Well, I’m not extremly good at it but it’s normal, I guess. Edible.”

“Then, you can cook, next time”, when you heard that you smiled triumphantly at him, crossed your arms, hunched your shoulders and tilted your head to one side.

You seemed pretty innocent like that, to him, at least.

“Oh, can I?”, it felt good. Almost like he accepted you and your cooking.

Being proud of yourself you repeated his words in your thoughts.

_I can cook next time… wait._

“ **Next time?!** ”, you gasped and leaned forward, looking him straight into the eyes. Did he just invite himself?!

“I’ll be off, then”, Haru sighed satisfied and stood up.

“Thank you for the meal”

“Uh… yeah, never mind”, his visit took longer than you thought. Now that he ate mackerel, he’d be gone in a minute. Or that’s what you thought. He didn’t seem to know what he was supposed to do next and simply stared at the dining table.

“I should clean that”, he said, reaching for his plate but you took it instead of him.

“It’s alright, I can do at least this much. You can leave now”

“But-…”, you put the plate into sink and pushed him towards the hallway.

“I told you, it’s okay! You can take care of your dish next time, right?”, you teased him, thinking that he was joking.

However, as soon as you smiled at him, his mouth corners curved a little. He was smiling.

“Right”

_Wow, little boy, that’s too much, thank you, my heart can’t take it._

“O-Okay then, go on, I won’t force you to stay here any longer, that was our last piece of mackerel”

“You don’t forc-…”

“I’ll be okay now, be safe, see you tomorrow!! And delete that damn picture”

“I won’t”, you closed the door behind him and sighed.

“Oh lord, I don’t know whether you try to reward me or punish me”

 

__

* * *

 

 

The sun was setting and you spent a lot of time looking out of your bedroom window, sighing.

“Leaving school was a bad idea…”, guilt was eating at you and you couldn’t help but sigh. But it wasn’t just that. After a while, you got bored and you started to think.

A lot.

So you were reminded of Nana who even ignored your calls and messages.

Since you didn’t know what to do to get her attention you stopped bothering her.

Your window showed you the perfect view. You were able to look into the garden and the gate but, more importantly, you could see the sea. Seeing the sea hasn’t been as easy in Tokyo. When your eyes drifted over the landscape you saw a familiar figure.

“Oh. Aunty’s coming back”

 

 

“Hey, [Name]-chan!!”, she took her shoes off when she entered the house.

“Hey!”, you’ve been waiting for her in the hallway, looking forward to seeing her.

“Are you okay? I saw your classmates and Haru-kun said you didn’t feel good so you came home. Is that true?”, she seemed more worried about the fact that you apparently ‘didn’t feel good’ instead of you skipping school.

_Wait... did she call Haru just Haru-kun?_

“Ah, well, he’s just a little overprotective. I had problems with breathing after running a little-…”

“No. Better safe than sorry. It was a good decision. I need to thank him”, you sighed at your stressed aunt who didn’t seem to think of anything but you. Everyone in Iwatobi seems to know that saying and everyone used it against you.

“Did you eat properly?”

“Yeah…”

“Are you feeling okay?”

“Yeah… look, aunty, I’m fine! How was work?”, your aunt sighed again. It seemed like she noticed that any attempt to ask another worried question would be in vain.

“Well, it’s surprising in what a good shape Iwatobi’s old people are!”, it went well, apparently. That was good. It hasn't always been like that. Your aunt would call you when you were still in Tokyo, sobbing and crying because some of her patients didn't make it. 

"So~ Haru-kun was paying you a visit?", she smiled suggestively, teasing you with every facial muscle she had, causing you to sigh.

"You're calling him 'Haru-kun' again... do you know him?", you asked a counterquestion so you wouldn't have to tell her about how embarrassing you had behaved.

She took some juice out of the fridge and poured it into a glass while looking at you and raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah... sure. His family is friends with ours"

"Huh?"

Well, Iwatobi was smaller than Tokyo after all. No wonder everyone knew everyone. Why wouldn't Haru's family know yours, then? It was possible.

"Wait... you can't remember?", she looked at you, her expression worried and shocked. It seemed like Haru was someone you should remember.

When you fell silent, slightly uncomfortable due to the fact that you can't remember him, she sighed.

"Haru-kun's granny used to be one of my patients...", she said, rubbing her tensed neck, lost in thoughts. Haru's granny passed away, was what her expression was saying and she made the face of a sinner who was aware of his deeds. Even though she knew that it wasn't her fault.

When she noticed that she let her thoughts get the better of her, she breathed in.

"Hold on, I show you something", she winked at you and rushed into the living room.

You could hear the sound of drawers being opened and closed, things falling on the floor and your aunt screaming in pain and frustration every now and then.

Whatever she wanted to show you, it took her some time to find it.

She returned with a photo in her hand eventually and showed it to you.

"See?"

_Oh... I have the same picture_

There were two infants, one of them definitely being you but you couldn't recognize the other one. And then she flipped it and showed you it's back.

 

_Haru-kun's & [Name]-chan's first meeting_

 

 

Your eyes widened as you read that line over and over again.

"Wait... T- **That** Haru?!"

"Yep, the one and only"

 

* * *

 

 

“Oh, yeah, Sena-san asked if you could take Mami out for a walk. Seems like he threw his back out while gardening. He’s okay though, I took care of it!”, your aunt said while helping you clean the dishes.

“Sure”, a walk would help you work on your stamina.

 

It started to get dark, however, Sena-san told you about Mami’s power and that she couldn’t sleep unless all her batteries have been emptied. That’s why you started to walk along the beach with the dog.

It reminded you of your childhood here, in Iwatobi. Although you couldn’t always attend kindergarten, you spent almost every night walking along the beach. It’d always do you good and you could sleep like a stone after a walk. Remembering that you couldn't help but think of Haru. Why did you forget about him? There were plenty of things that happened in Iwatobi.

_Like falling in the pool when I couldn't even swim..._

Why did you forget about Haru, when you actually wanted to remember him? 

You noticed that thinking of it any longer would do nothing but give you a headache so you stopped thinking and focused on Mami.

“Be gentle with me, Mami”, you chuckled at her enthusiasm as she jumped around your legs.

If she had the sudden urge to run at full speed there was no way you could have kept up with her.

 _Jogging a little would be okay, though_ , you thought and started jogging slowly.

Mami took that as a challenge and jogged with you. It felt good, jogging like that, feeling the chilly wind embracing you, the sand beneath your shoes. This feeling took you back. However, it seemed like that you weren’t the only one getting carried away. Mami’s jog soon turned into a sprint and you slowed down, walking after Mami, calling her name.

“Mami? You’re too fast!!”, but the middle-sized dog had already turned into a black dot on the horizon, running towards a silhouette.

 _Oh crap_ , you gasped in horror. Mami was a gentle dog. She wouldn’t hurt a fly. You knew that. But the stranger didn’t.

“Mami! Come back!!”, jogging after her the two silhouettes became clear. There was Mami, asking a stranger for a pet, greeting him with soft barks.

“I… I’m sorry, she just… ran off like that…”, you panted a little and looked into the male’s red eyes. His maroon colored hair looked familiar.

The stranger didn’t say anything and petted Mami with a soft expression on his face.

“Must be tough for you… with an owner who can’t even keep up with you”, he pitied Mami and was talking to her but, somehow, it felt like he teased you.

Even though you did know that it was pointless, you felt offended and gasped shocked. Why? You didn’t even know this guy! Why would he say something like that right away? You were at a loss of words. He kept on petting Mami, leaving you aside and completely ignoring your existence. Everything you wanted to return seemed dumb, lame or cute, compared to his words.

“Sorry, Mister Rude, but I’m right here!”, you complained, putting your hands on your hips and your chin up and chest out to seem a little taller.

The young male straightened himself and looked at you. His look was cold compared to that he gave Mami a few seconds earlier.

“Sorry, but I don’t have a dowser which is able to detect small beings”

“Lay off, will you?!”, you shot him the most pissed off glare you had which seemed to amuse him. You could take a lot but being teased because of your seize made you mad right away.

He looked at you, his eyes laughing at you, his face challenging you.

“You may be tall, you may be more athletic than me-…”

“Not ‘ **may** ’. I ‘ **am** ’”, he sure stretched your patience and you breathed out to calm yourself.

“… **but** … that’s no excuse for teasing small people, got it?”

He didn’t say a thing. He only stared at you and the index finger which threatened his nose as you stepped closer in an attempt to seem… well. Dangerous.

“What’s with that uniform, anyways? I thought, white was something for good people! You’re not good!!”, you continued to complain about him not being a good person and making sure he understands that he wasn’t a good person, he, however, didn’t care about you. He only petted the dog and, even though your patience snapped, you just had to stop to look at him.

“You like dogs that much?”, you asked, relaxing a little.

“She reminds me of someone. That’s all”, he sat himself down since it didn’t seem like Mami would let him go anyway and you smiled at the dog.

“Just look at her… she doesn’t give a damn about human things, huh?”, you chuckled and sat down, too, next to Mami and stroking her belly. He provoked you and you let yourself get carried away but Mami didn’t seem to dislike that boy at all.

_Well… maybe he’s not that of a bad person... if Mami likes him..._

“I’m sorry for earlier. I have to take a page of her book, I guess”, you laughed softly, nodding to Mami before looking into his red eyes. How come they were so soft when he was looking at Mami?

Although you apologized he didn’t say a thing.

_Apologize, too, will you?!_

“About the uniform… you don’t know Samezuka Academy?”, he asked and seemed a little sceptical. Apparently that ‘Samezuka Academy’ was a big thing here in Iwatobi.

“Uh… no… is that bad?”

“No… well, it’s an all-boy’s school, it has a swimming club which is rather huge and dorms we sleep in, so it is special in some ways”, he told you with a softer expression.

_Ceasefire. For now._

“And what’s with your uniform?”, again that teasing tone! He nodded to your navy blue plaid skirt and your skinny turtleneck pullover and you looked down on you.

Well, you thought it suited you well. It hid those curves you wanted to hide and showed those you wanted to show.

“It’s called my ‘comfy-warm-and-good-looking’-uniform”, you smiled at him. You felt a little insecure when he eyed you like that so you tried to put as much confidence in your words as you could.

Was there something wrong with your outfit? Well, it’s not like you dress up for him anyway.

“’Good looking’, huh?”, he smirked a little.

“Listen, you…”, you sighed and shook your head. You wouldn’t get angry at him this time.

“Oh, wait!”, you remembered his little smirk from earlier.

“You actually smirked. Wow”, your eyes went wide in surprise but he only clicked his tongue.

Silence.

You looked up to the stars and wondered whether you should go home or not.

“Is your school far away from here?”, you asked him, lying down and crossing your arms in an attempt to keep you warm.

“A little”

“You should go back then, hm?”

He didn’t say something in return. Maybe he didn’t want to go back just yet. Maybe he wanted to spend some time with Mami.

You secretly watched him pet her. He sure liked dogs.

“Did you get lost? Or why else did you come this far from Samezuka’s?”

“You’re quite nosy, aren’t you?”, you stuck your tongue out to show him how much you cared about his opinion. It was obvious that he didn’t want to tell you the reason he came here. Well, it's not like you were in the position to ask, anyway.

“Well, I could ask you the same”, he said, looked at you and you hummed.

“When I was little, I used to walk along the beach a lot. Today is the first time after years! So, it took me back and before I knew what was happening, I ended up walking pretty far”, Tokyo had been boring. There was no beach anywhere near your house or a lot of people who actually had time to smile at you.

“I’d always ask myself: ‘Wow, that beach is huge! How far will it go? Will it lead me to the end of the world?’”, you laughed softly and the male frowned.

“Are you an idiot?”

“Shut up”, you dodged him swiftly.

You were surprised at how outgoing you were. Maybe it was because of the calming atmosphere or your nostalgic thoughts, who knows?

Or, maybe, it was Mami who ensured you that it was alright to talk to this guy like that.

“Hey”, in comparison to his tone before this one was softer, “I didn’t get your name”, he looked at you expectantly.

You sat up and tried to smile softly and gentle.

“It’s [Lastname] [Name]”, after hearing that, he kept silent and looked at you.

“And? Am I supposed to call you ‘Mister Rude’ forever?”, he clicked his tongue again and stood up. It seemed like he was up to something.

“Name’s Matsuoka Rin”

“Wow, what a girly name for a manly dweeb like you”

“Shut up” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the long introduction but, well, this story happens during the anime and it's only the 1rst episode! In this chapter  
> Reader meets Rin and they seem rather cute together, if you ask me=3   
> Mami did a good job to set those two up xP   
> Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed it!  
> Please, go ahead and leave a comment, since authors live for their readers!  
> Stay safe and take care of yourself!!


	4. He, cornering you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Since your asthma got worse gradually in Tokyo, you returned to Iwatobi, your hometown and started living with your aunt.  
>  Sports was always something you weren't able to enjoy. And being afraid of the water, swimming was never an option.  
>  When you meet the swimming boys, you couldn't help but think of them as hot and unapproachable. However, you soon get dragged into their business and become the most important person to them.  
>  A person who'd not only see the water's surface but beneath it
> 
> (Re-upload, coming from Quotev)

“I can’t believe it! How are you able to have this much energy? We walked for fifty minutes already, Mami!”, you scolded the energetic dog.

After Rin had glared at you for making fun of his name, Mami had jumped to her feet and ran off just like that.

“Did you just say ‘Mami’?”, Rin walked next to you and looked at you.

“Yeah, that’s her name”, you looked into his red eyes. It seemed like a silent storm raged within them. However, you couldn’t tell whether it was a storm of anger or hatred.

_I think, I’ve seen those eyes before. They’re the eyes of a lost person. The same eyes Sou-chan had... no, stop thinking about him._

You clenched your eyes shut to shake off those unpleasant thoughts and started to focuse on Rin. Because he was the one standing next to you at that moment. No one else. That is the present after all, not the past.

“Why?”

“I know her. Isn’t she always with some old man?”, your eyes widened at that.

He knew Mami already? How?

“Y-Yeah! My neighbor, but… how?”

Rin looked at Mami who had the time of her life sprinting and jumping around.

“He’d always come all the way to my school. Seems like his grandson is a student at Samezuka’s”, his grandson? He’d always walk this far with Mami? No wonder that this dog was energetic as a child!

“Does that mean his grandson is waiting for him right now?”, you looked at Rin with a worried frown and started to walk faster. If that was the case then you should hurry, right?

“Don’t think so. Not anymore, that is. Can’t help it”, your guilty and apologetic eyes looked at him and your expression begged him to change the fact that you made that boy wait in vain. It was the expression of a child, begging it’s older sibling to undo the caused pain.

Rin, however, didn’t care about the boy at all. He was too busy frowning at your expression which left him speechless. He didn’t know why your face had an impact on him but sometimes you meet people whose face you just can’t get out of your head. That’s just the way it is.

“Geez, don’t make that face”

 

* * *

 

 

“So, can you see his grandson?”, you asked the maroon-haired male as the three of you walked towards the school entrance.

“Nay, he went back already, I guess”, you sighed and looked at Mami, apologetic.

“ Sorry, girl, seems like he’s not here anymore”

You thought that Mami wanted to see the boy so she kept on walking until she’d find him. Maybe she’d even look for him until she’d drop with exhaustion.

“Well”, he said, walking towards the school building, “I’ll go, too, see ya”

“Uhm!”, you turned your appealing look to him again. He couldn’t defy your cute eyes after all, right? Right?

“Could you please tell him that Mami was here to-…”

“Shush!”, well, that was unexpected. You stared confused at his hand he rose to demand you to be silent. Right before you wanted to complain about his harsh and arrogant gesture, muffled voices could be heard. Laughing, splashing, more laughing. What was going on?

It seemed like Rin and Mami had an idea of what was happening.

“No! Mami, don’t!!”, they ran off, just like that, leaving you behind.

Since you couldn’t leave without Mami, who obviously thought that her keeper’s grandson was the cause of the noise, you followed them.

With every step you took, the voices got clearer and, even though you knew that it was impossible, you thought of a certain trio.

 _I… somehow think that this isn’t good at all_ , you sighed in your head but couldn’t help but chuckle a little at the games fate played.

What a coincidence, prbably the dumbest you’ve ever experienced.

Or that's what you thought.

You followed Rin and Mami around the school building and walked towards something which seemed like a huge natatorium. As soon as you looked through the huge windows you recognized Haru, Makoto, Naigsa, Rin and Mami, looking up at the maroon-haired boy patiently.

Suddenly, Haru jumped out of the pool, half-naked and standing in front of Rin. 

When you saw Haru, you couldn't help but remember that picture of those two infants. But, no. That wasn't the time to think about that.

“Oh gosh…”, your eyes were stuck on Haru’s torso.

“I don’t know what’s going on but I can’t complain”, you whispered softly and leaned on the glass to get a better look on what was happening.

Mami, however, did seem to get what the situation was.

Since Rin didn’t pay any attention to her, she lost interest in him and walked to the pool. A pool filled with water.

You didn’t know what to make of this but the water’s presence didn’t make you feel comfortable.

And then, Rin stripped and you couldn’t hold your gasps and stuttering in for any longer.

“What… what the hell is going on, why are they all half-naked? Wait… **is** Hazuki-kun naked? What the hell?! Oh my god, Tachibana-kun’s shirt is drenched to the point of being translucent!!!”, you pressed your face against the glass in desperate confusion.

If some stranger would happen to walk by they probably would have called the police by now.

You looked like a creepy stalker. To Makoto, at least, who actually spotted you. He gasped in horror, however, Haru and Rin seemed to be somewhere else with their thoughts so they didn’t hear Makoto’s gasps.

 _What? They are going to swim? **Now**? At this hour? Isn’t that forbidden?_ , well, it seemed like the natatorium wasn’t locked to prevent trespassing.

The two males jumped into the water as soon as Makoto gave them the start signal. From that point on you were fascinated. Not even a chocolate bar was as interesting as the race at that moment.

Their beautiful movements, the speed of their swimming. You could barely see them from your position but you thought that they were at least shoulder to shoulder. At that moment, you thought that all of the conversations you had with them didn’t reveal half as much of them as their way of swimming did.

Haru’s stroke was gentle but firm, it made your stomach tingle and you felt like you had seen his stroke before, somewhere, sometime. Rin’s on the other hand was fierce and a little hasty.

And then it happened. Rin won. He took off his googles and hit the water’s surface with spitefulness, not with joy.

At first, you didn’t care who’d win but his behavior soon made you feel like it would have been better if Haru had won.

Even though Rin won, he got mad at Haru and grabbed the googles around Haru’s neck. The red-eyed male bared his teeth and glared at Haru who didn’t put up a fight. The situation seemed intense and it got worse within a second. You wanted to burst in and prevent them from choking each other when suddenly Mami jumped into the pool, swam towards Rin, put her paws on his shoulders and started to lick his cheeks.

Mami was the most intelligent dog you’ve ever seen and had the power to link humans. It wouldn’t have been much of a surprise if she had noticed Rin’s feelings.

She was, most probably, consoling him. However, sometimes consoling someone would only twist the knife in the wound.

You couldn’t bear the shocked silence of the boys anymore so you decided to burst in, calling Mami’s name, acting as if you haven’t seen a thing. Of course, you gained some surprised looks by Haru and Nagisa. Makoto, however, knew you’d come and he was grateful for your appearance. The situation was just too much to take.

“Mami!”, you scolded the black female dog and jogged over to the pool’s edge.

“Don’t run off like that!”, your voice seemed confident, however, when you saw the amount of water, your movements stopped instincetively and your breath hitched.

 _Oh no..._ , this was just too much water.

As you looked down on the swaying waves you couldn't help but stop breathing, feeling like the water would take your breath away otherwise.

 _Thank you, don’t want any_ , you thought, squatted down and called out for Mami.

It scared you that Mami was so attached to Rin that she probably wouldn’t leave the pool and that you’d have to go in there and get her yourself.

Your heart raced a little when the adrenaline shouted at you to run away.

“Now, be a good girl and come here”, your voice shook as you whispered softly in an attempt to get Mami out of the pool and your breath and heart started racing as if you had been running a marathon.

You reached your sweaty hand out, careful not to fall into the pool. Your hand trembled and your breath hitched again in horror when you saw the clear color of the pool’s water right beneath your arm.

Just before you reached one paw on Rin’s shoulder, he shot you a glare that could have killed you. However, despite looking at you like that, he took Mami's paws off of his shoulders himself and hieved the dog out of the water. 

You were about to thank him sheepishly for helping you out but then…

“Better learn how to take care of a dog, retarded woman”, you tensed in anger but didn’t say a word. You wouldn’t let yourself get provoked again. You are above such things. He obviously blamed you for Mami's uncontrolled bahavior. He blamed you for not being able to catch up to the dog.

“Try to be less lazy and don’t act like you suffer from asthma or some shit”, Haru’s eyes widened. The raven-haired male probably was the only one who saw coming what was about to happen.

You knew Rin wanted to provoke you and that it was childish to actually react and put up a fight. He probably searched for a way to release his anger, which would have been fine but not like this. He put his foot in it without realizing and there was no way he could have possibly known that you’d snap. It was unfair and your mind knew that but your heart felt like tearing him apart. And that’s exactly what you did.

“ **Shut it**!”, you shouted at him and looked daggers at him.

“It’s not like I **chose** to be like that, you damned bastard!”, if you could ask someone to cure your asthma you’d do it right away. It’s not like you wanted to watch other children play, run and romp about after a missing ball.

“What do you know, anyway?! You're good at swimming, aren't you? You even **won**! Frigging enjoy it and stop complaining, you brat!!”

It’s not like you didn’t want to learn how to swim and splash around together with your friends. It’s not like you chose to watch others doing those things you wanted to try the most.

Your throat hurt, it was hard to swallow and your eyes burnt. But you wouldn’t cry because of some stupid mistake Rin made by hitting the nail right on the head.

“And, you know wh-…”

“What’s this all about?!”, every single one of you parted your lips and gasped silently as you saw two teachers bursting into the natatorium.

“What the hell are you doing, you goddamned brats!!”

 

* * *

 

 

“[Name]-chan, are you okay?”, Nagisa’s face was worried as he looked at you.

It was the first time you got scolded like that by a teacher, however, something inside you told you that Naigsa didn’t mean the lecture but the thing that happened earlier.

“Yeah”, you shrunk when you remembered the argument you had with Rin.

Well, it wasn’t an argument per se. He didn’t say anything and remembering the events you also remembered Rin’s look. His glare turned into a frown, his lips parted in an attempt to say something but the only thing he did was click his tongue and turn his face away.

“I’m really, really sorry! If it wasn’t for me shouting like a lunatic we-…”

“You don’t need to apologize anymore”, Makoto smiled at you, gentle as always. But that wasn’t the expression you needed. It only made you feel guilty.

“That’s right! They would have found us sooner or later anyway!”, Nagisa tugged on your sleeve and smiled encouragingly.

“Rin went too far”, Haru said with a soft voice.

“But I didn’t have to shout like that! I must have been scary, right?”, you whined and looked down at Mami with guilty eyes. However, Mami didn’t seem to care and barked at you happily.

“We all snap every now and then, that’s normal”, Makoto still smiled at you and you felt dumb at how his smile was all you needed to cheer up.

“Right! And, don’t worry, you just have to accompany us to the teacher’s room. It’s not like it’s our first time anyway”

You gasped in horror.

“What do you mean ‘ _not your first time_ ’?!”

 

__

* * *

 

 

“I’m sorry, [Name]-chan, but Nana’s gone already…”, again Nana’s mother looked at you apologetic.

“It’s okay, I’ll just have to catch up to her, right?”, you put a confident face on, however, you didn’t know what to do about the situation. You haven’t seen each other in, like, forever and she decided to be the ignorant friend.

 

 

“[Name]-chan! Good morning!”, as you were on your way to school you heard a familiar voice.

You smiled and waved at the boys.

“Good morning, you two. How are you?”, you remembered the encounter with Rin and how everything escalated so quickly.

“Fine. Haru’s okay, too”, Makoto smiled at you and showed you again how strong his telepathy was.

“But what about you? You… kind of exploded back then”, Makoto chuckled sheepishly and scratched the back of his head when you sulked a little and frowned at his choice of words.

“So it was scary after all, huh?”

“A little”, Makoto laughed softly.

Of course it was scary to them. Seeing a girl like that would have scared anyone away.

“I’m really sorry”, you sighed, feeling guilty, your shoulders slumped.

“You apologized already”, your eyes filled with hope when Haru started talking.

“and Makoto’s one to talk. His younger siblings say that an angry Makoto is scarier than a cat on rampage”

“Haru!”

You couldn’t help but snort with laughter.

“That’s bad! Cats on rampage are pretty scary!! I can’t imagine angry Tachibana-kun being even worse”, you laughed and looked at Makoto whose cheeks flushed a little. He felt utterly betrayed by Haru.

Well, the situation was funny and all but you just couldn’t imagine an angry Makoto. Was there actually a way to make this gentle giant angry?

Since Makoto seemed flustered you decided to help him out by changing the topic.

“You’ve got siblings, Tachibana-kun?”, he happily grabbed the helping hand you offered to him, metaphorically speaking.

“Uh, yeah. Twins. Ran and Ren”

“Really?”, your eyes sparkled in excitement. Since you were an only child you didn’t know what it was like. And twins, even! Boy, being their older sibling must be fun!

“Oh, that’s so lovely!”, you clasped your hands in front of your chest in overwhelming joy.

“Yes”, Makoto agreed and smiled softly at you.

He eyed you with gentle, green eyes, watching you smile and seeing your eyes sparkle was fascinating to him. You were a little shy at first, however, once you felt secure and safe you showed your true feelings without hesitation and maybe even unconsciously. He thought that you'd be a good older sister.

“You don’t have any siblings?”, the brunette male asked and tilted his head a little.

“No”, you sighed a little frustrated and you couldn’t deny the gleam of jealousy growing within your chest. Being an only child was convenient, of course, but sometimes you'd wonder yourself what it would feel like to have a brother or a sister.

“Maybe I can borrow yours”, you grinned.

“What about you, Haru? Are you an only child, too?”, you leaned a little forward to look at Haru who was walking next to Makoto. He hadn’t joined the conversation so you decided to ask him directly.

“Yeah”, was the only thing you got from him.

“But he’d be a great brother! Ran and Ren really like him”, your eyes went wide in awe at Makoto’s words. So, there was something – or someone – that could put a different expression on Haru’s face?

“Wow”, Haru turned his face from Makoto and you. He couldn’t bear your awestruck stare.

It was embarrassing to him that you got excited over little things.

 

* * *

 

 

“ **Idiots**!!”

 _Oh_ , you thought as you bowed slightly to the screaming teacher.

_So it’s not their first time here._

However, it was **your** first time and the teacher was rather scary, in your opinion. He didn’t try to bridle his anger. He was pretty mad and his cheeks had been flushed with anger from the moment you entered the teacher’s room.

“Do you actually feel bad for what you’ve done?!”, he focused his screaming mainly on the boys. Since it was your first trespass he went easy on you. Maybe because he thought that the boys dragged you in or something like that.

“Sorry”, you mumbled and bowed a some more. You weren’t quite sure whether the boys felt bad or not when they apologized. Well, Makoto did, for sure, Naigsa probably didn’t and Haru didn’t care at all.

Apparently the boys had entered an abandoned building before – that was their first trespass.

_So, they are habitual criminals_

“And what’s with **you**?!”, you flinched in surprise when the teacher suddenly turned to you and scolded you.

“Taking a dog to the pool of another school! Seriously, what have you been thinking!!”, you shrunk and looked down in shame.

There was nothing you could say to defend yourself. Mami ran off on her own and you had to follow her that was the story, basically. The dumbest story you’ve ever heard. But that was your life.

“Sorry…”

 

 

You left the teacher’s room and sighed right after you stepped into the hallway. This day didn’t start as good as the previous one. Nana didn’t go to school with you, you got scolded because you weren’t able to control Mami, there wasn’t much that could happen anymore after all that, right?

“Miss Ama-chan wasn’t much of a help”, Nagisa sighed next to you. He didn’t seem to be impressed by the teacher’s lecture. You, on the other hand, didn’t want to think of what would happen if you were to make a second mistake.

“But I wonder how that fish saying goes…”, Makoto said and you frowned at him in confusion.

Really? That’s what was bothering him? Was he serious?

_That boy needs to get his priorities straight._

His clear and green eyes looked back in an attempt to ask Haru about that saying, however, the only one he saw was you and your dumbfounded look.

“Huh? [Name]-chan?”

“Haru-chan’s over there!”

No one knew where Haru headed to nor did you know how he got outside without you noticing.

_He's probably skipping again, that boy._

“Ah, Gou-chan!”, Nagisa was the only one who noticed the girl walk up on you from behind.

“I told you to call me Kou!”, as you turned around you examined the girl and you narrowed your eyes. There was something about that girl. You've seen her before.

Well, she attended your school that wasn't much of a surprise.

However... there was something else.

“Does it really matter?”

_Strange… somehow her hair looks… familiar_

“It matters, I’m Kou!”

_But how? I did see it before, right?_

“Gou”

“Kou!”

_It reminds me of something unpleasant…_

“Gou”

“Kou!”

“Kou”

“Gou!”

“Oh my **goodness** , are you a relative of Matsuoka Rin?!”, you exclaimed and pointed at her rudely all of a sudden when you finally remembered.

_No way! Another strange coincidence!_

“Ah, right. That’s Gou-chan, Rin’s younger sister but please call her Kou-chan”, Makoto explained, “this is [Lastname] [Name]-chan. She was there yesterday when we met Rin”

_Great. The younger sister of that douchebag Rin is attending the same school as I am._

You were wrong. The day could get any worse.

“So, you were able to meet my brother?”, how was she able to ask that without being ashamed of him! If Rin was your older brother… no. Don’t imagine that.

“Rin-chan’s so mean!”, you were glad that Nagisa said the words you were thinking. Someone needs to put that brat over their knee.

“We haven’t seen each other in four years! And the first thing he does is challenge Haru-chan to a race”

When Nagisa told Kou what the situation was, you couldn’t help but listen to him, too, feeling bad for the boys.

Apparently Rin didn’t even react to Kou’s mails and calls. That reminded you of Nana and you looked down in frustration. You were able to relate to that. After all this time you spent with Nana, called her, wrote letters to her, she ignored you as if you were her worst nemesis. Maybe the same thing happened with Rin. Something changed them. You made a silent decision to try speaking to Nana again.

“Let’s start a swimming club!”, Nagisa’s sudden words took you back to earth again.

_Swimming Club?_

Your breath hitched and your eyes widened in fright, however, Nagisa didn’t seem to be talking to you.

 _Thank god, he’s talking to Tachibana-kun_ , you silently excused yourself to avoid being dragged into something and stepped back from them when, suddenly, Nagisa grabbed your wrist and looked at you, his eyes sparkling with joy.

“A swimming club to see Rin again!”, that’s how you got to know Nagisa’s joyful puppy eyes no one dared to defy. You were no exception.

_**ME TOO**?!! No way! I wanted to join another club! Why do I have to join anyway? I don’t have a past with those guys and I’m not a swimmer! And I absolutely don’t need to see that Rin-guy again!_

“I don’t think Haru will be on board with that”, Nagisa whined at Makoto’s words. All of his joy was completely gone and he let go off of your arm as if all of his desire to live was dying away.

“Yeah… probably”

They fell silent.

 _So, it seems like they want to start a swimming club to see that Rin-guy again but that wish goes ‘poof’ if Haru doesn’t want to_ , you concluded and wondered at how much they liked Rin. You didn't want to join the swimming club but you didn't want to see Nagisa like that. Should you say something to encourage them?

But what?

“Well, you don’t know for sure, right? Why don’t you ask him after school!”, Nagisa gasped at your idea and took both of your hands in his. His happiness was back and made his eyes sparkle and twinkle just like the stars in pitch black darkness.

He cheered up just because of that little you said, it was ridiculous. But it seemed like Nagisa was like that. Easy to cheer up because he was cheerful himself.

“You're right!! **We** are going to ask him!”

_Oh god, no, please don't emphasize 'We' like that._

 

 

“So... do you want to come over to Haru’s place and ask him about the swimming club?”, Makoto asked you as the both of you were on your way to your class. Nagisa's eyes were still in your mind. How could you say 'No' to eyes like that?

“Hmm”, you hummed, lost in thoughts and stared on the ground in hopes of finding answers lying down there. However, there was none.

It was clear as mud that ‘ _You want to come over to Haru’s?_ ’ was another way of asking whether you wanted to join the swimming club or not. If you put it like that, it seemed rather unpleasant and you wanted that question to disappear into nothing.

_But that’s not going to happen, right?_

“I don’t know… seems like Hazuki-kun wants me to go, though…”, you felt conflicted. Swimming was an absolute ‘NO!’. You couldn’t swim and, on top of that, you were afraid of the water ever since your first swimming lessons. The sea was okay as long as you didn’t step into it and taking a bath was fine too but pools were not okay.

You had been looking forward to the swimming lessons when you were a child since swimming seemed exciting and you loved water like anyone else. However, that anticipation and love turned into fear when you fell into the pool without floaties by accident. 

You haven’t stepped into a pool ever since. Not even on summer vacation, not even with your friends. It was only an accident but it left scars which weren't healing as fast as they should.

As you remembered that moment you could feel your chest tighten and you almost gasped for air.

Back then, the water enveloped you and didn’t want to let go of you. The horrified screaming of your friends and classmates still lingered in your ears.

Even though the water muffled them they sounded so clear it gave you goosebumps. Whenever you think about swimming or deep water you start to tremble.

Someone once told you to overcome your fears. You tried many times. But your failed attempts left you feeling weak, dumb, utterly frustrated and mad.

However, suddenly something started to glow within the deepest darkness of your frightened mind. You remembered Nagisa’s pink orbs and how they were looking at you. He reached out for you and dragged you along.

“[Name]-chan?”, you looked up and the pink of Nagisa’s eyes turned into a soft and gentle shade of green which revealed a warm light to you. Makoto looked at you with a deep frown of worry on his face.

Apparently he’d said something you failed to hear. Your cheeks flushed a little so you turned your head away in order to hide your little blush. Getting lost in your thoughts like that was embarrassing.

 _I don’t know..._ , this was stupid. You couldn’t even decline an offer which forced you to do something you feared the most. But accepting and joining wasn’t easy either.

“I’ll… give it some thought”, you said without thinking and bit your lower lip, regretting it soon afterwards. You didn't know what was going to happen and that scared you even more.

Knowing that these words meant that he had a foot in the door, Makoto tried to smile amicably at you, however, there was that strange feeling of guilt which slowly encompassed his throat and made it hard to look at you any longer.

Was he forcing you to join for Nagisa’s sake? He didn’t say that you didn’t have to join if you didn’t want to because he thought that Nagisa had a good reason for wanting you to join the club. Makoto trusted his best friend without even knowing what he was up to and ended up dragging you into something you tried to run away from.

Makoto's meek "Thank you", failed to calm his troubled heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you go, another chapter! It's already the 4rth, seriously... Well, this one is a little more focused on Reader-chama's past, I hope that you don't get sick of it, it's going to happen more often to keep the tension and drama! Espesially in this one there has been more drama, I guess.   
> Reader-chama is being forced into something afterall.   
> Indirectly, at least. But Nagisa has some good reasons for that. (Probably =P)  
> So, I hope you liked this chapter, please, go ahead and leave a comment!  
> Stay safe and take care of yourself!  
> See you in the next chapter!


	5. You, his girlfriend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Since your asthma got worse gradually in Tokyo, you returned to Iwatobi, your hometown and started living with your aunt.  
>  Sports was always something you weren't able to enjoy. And being afraid of the water, swimming was never an option.  
>  When you meet the swimming boys, you couldn't help but think of them as hot and unapproachable. However, you soon get dragged into their business and become the most important person to them.  
>  A person who'd not only see the water's surface but beneath it
> 
> (Re-upload, coming from Quotev)

„So… Haru’s living here“, your eyes went wide in awe when you saw the old and traditional japanese house.

To your surprise, Haru didn’t live far away from your place. Small side streets lead from your home straight to Haru’s and the shrine, which stairs you saw for the first time. At least, that's what you thought. Maybe you didn't see them for the first time.

Since you lived in Tokyo for a long time, you were used to its skyscrapers and you suffered from a culture shock when you first arrived at Iwatobi. Even though it has almost been a week since your arrival you still weren’t used to Iwatobi’s buildings. How could you forget such a romantic and beautiful scenery?

“It’s more beautiful than aunty’s. And there’s even a shrine!”, you gaped and your cheeks flushed slightly. Your thoughts went wild, imagining things like visiting the shrine together with a friend or your aunty, maybe even with someone special.

Nagisa, Makoto and Kou, who you went to Haru’s place with, stood next to you and looked at the house.

“Isn’t it rather normal?”, the blonde tilted his head a little and scratched the back of his head.

“She’s probably not used to the scenery, I guess”, the taller one smiled gently at you, his head tilted just like Nagisa’s. Maybe Nagisa learned it by watching Makoto.

“But it _is_ beautiful”, Kou agreed with you.

Ever since you left school with them, Kou had been chatting with you. She seemed to be a little attached to you, however, you didn’t quite know why. Maybe it was because you were the only girl she could talk to. Or maybe she talked to you out of pity. Either way, you had a good impression of her. She seemed nice and totally fit into the image you had of a younger sister. It was hard to imagine her as **Rin’s** younger sister, though.

“Well, then…”, the three of you went towards the entrance and Makoto rang the doorbell once.

“Haru?”

Nothing. Maybe he didn’t hear it? Makoto rang the doorbell again.

“Haruu! I brought Nagisa, Kou-chan and [Name]-chan along”, you didn’t think that the fact that Nagisa, Kou and you were there would change anything about the silence.

With a frown, Kou and you turned to the brunette male, who sighed at your confused looks.

“He’s probably in the bath tub again”

 _What?_ , well, it’s okay to take a bath but there was something strange about it. You remembered Nagisa and Makoto talking about ‘Haru managing it out of the tub’ so you turned your confused look to the smaller boy.

“Haru-chan likes to take baths. He likes it **a lot**. It’s some kind of plan B for not being able to swim in the sea”

“We’re coming in!”, Makoto opened the unlocked entrance door and you gasped. Was it really okay to burst in like that? Even though Haru was taking a bath?

“He spends every single minute in his tub”, Nagisa explained as he went past you, leaving you and Kou speechless.

“I-… I don’t think we should go in…”, the maroon-haired girl gulped somewhat flustered.

“Y-Yeah…”

 

 

Nagisa and Makoto showed you to the living room and you sat on one of the soft seat pads on the floor. It seemed rather small, compared to yours, but you couldn’t help but look around. The facility was plain but comfortable and the room felt welcoming. A huge flat screen stood out a little. It almost seemed like it didn't belong here. It felt wrong, but why? 

Kou and you were left behind by the guys who said that they were going to convince Haru to start a swimming club. As soon as they left, Kou looked at you with an interested gaze.

“So, you’ve met my brother yesterday, too?”, you flinched a little when Kou took you back to reality. The flat screen was just too attractive so you forgot her right after seeing it.

“Yeah”, you nodded and turned your look to the younger girl.

“I don’t know all the details, though. I saw them by accident”

'By accident', as if you did something wrong. Seeing them half-naked, however, has been an accident indeed.

“Is that so…”, Kou seemed depressed and to be in a funk. She lowered her head and her shoulders slumped.

“He hasn’t told you anything about yesterday at all?”, you tried to start a conversation which would, hopefully, lead you to some information on how to cheer Kou up. You felt sorry for the little sister who didn’t get the attention of her older brother she deserved.

“No…”, she sighed and shook her head and you couldn’t help but sigh, too. Crossing your arms and straightening up to seem serious you looked at her with determination.

“You know… when I met Rin he seemed rude and ruthless but talking to hi-…”, Kou’s eyes widened at your words. She leaned towards you so she could look into your eyes in all her confusion and bewilderment. Feeling a little uncomfortable you leaned slightly back in an effort to escape her piercing eyes.

“You talked to him? But… how? Aren’t you a complete stranger to him? Why is he talking to you but not to his own sister?”, she didn’t seem upset about it at all. It seemed like she was surprised by your words. Pleasantly surprised.

“I-I-I don’t know, I was just walking along the beach, the dog I was walking with ran towards him and we somehow ended up talking. Seems like he likes dogs? That was right before I saw them at Samezuka’s”, feeling like Kou would rub your face on yours if you wouldn’t tell her the whole story you blurted out everything you knew and considered of importance.

Again, Kou sighed and rest her head on the table. Apparently, you didn’t help at all. Seeing Kou being so frustrated about Rin’s incomprehensible behavior you lowered your head in helplessness. You felt useless. It’s not like you had something to do with those boys or their swimming-something. However, it felt like you got dragged into something the first moment your eyes met with Rin’s. You probably were already in the thick of things.

“Uhm… Kou-chan? What is Matsuoka-kun like… you know… as a brother?”, maybe there was something you had to do.

Kou looked up at you, straightened herself up a little. She didn’t expect that from you.

“Hm? My brother? Well… He used to be the idiotic type… you know, always worrying about me, taking care of me. He wouldn’t admit it, though. He also used to smile a lot… unlike now”, Kou had a nostalgic smile on her face when she noticed that she wanted the old Rin back.

“You want him to smile again, right?”, it was hard for you to imagine that the Rin you met yesterday and Kou’s older brother were the same person. Realizing that Kou was attached to Rin and worried about him, however, was rather easy.

“Yeah…”

“The boys are going to make it happen, definitely”, you put your chest out and chin up to emphasize your determination. Your face was serious and seemed like there was nothing that could make you go back on your words. Kou’s eyes sparkled in astonishment and her face lit up at once.

Without you noticing it, you turned from a stranger to a bystander.

 

 

“Are you sure about this? We won’t be doing this by ourselves, you’re expected to join the club”

 _Well… that escalated quickly…_ , you thought, pressing your face into your palms to suppress the urge to look at Haru’s half naked torso. Knowing that Haru’s captivating muscles moved as he rubbed his hair with a towel didn’t help much. Well, you’ve seen it before but seeing it up close was something else. That was not okay. You were glad that Kou was with you. You weren’t the only girl, having conflicted feelings about Haru’s body. His sex appeal aside, it was embarrassing. Why didn’t he care at all?! That ignorant behavior was irritating and dizzying!

Well, he grew up after all. He wasn't that little baby on that photo anymore.

“I know”, it seemed like Haru was ready to start a swimming club anytime. Nagisa’s worries were in vain.

Luckily, you weren't the only one having a hard time distracting yourself from Haru's body. Turning away and covering her face with her hands, Kou tried her best to seem decent. But, since you knew that she was just as much of a decent person as Nagisa, her reason lost to the feelings of a woman and she didn't even try to pull herself together. You could hear a shallow gasp.

 _She's really staring at him..._ , did she want to die of bloodloss that badly?

"Don't look", you hissed and covered her eyes with your hand.

"It'll give you a heart attack!"

The boys noticed your embarrassed behaviour and all eyes were on the two of you again, which made it even worse.

"Oh, right, that's Rin-chan's younger sister!"

You straightened yourself up and took your hand from Kou's eyes.

Rin was the one connecting Kou and the boys that was the reason for her attendance. However, what was your reason for being here? You didn't even know for sure whether you'd join the club or not.

Kou apologized for Rin's behaviour but Haru brushed it off. Well, Rin was a rude guy, you already knew that, however, he seemed to be rather popular among half- naked swimming boys.

_Let's not get this the wrong way_

Since you weren't fond of him, you accepted Kou's apologize silently. It didn't seem right, though. Rin was the one who should have apologized.

The raven-haired boy went into the kitchen and Nagisa left you with Kou and Makoto alone. Apparently Haru was going to cook mackerel.

_He sure loves that dish._

"Isn't that...?", Kou looked at something that looked like... well, you didn't know what it looked like. It seemed rather fancy, though.

"That's the trophy the four of us won when we were kids", Makoto's explanation didn't help at all. They won it? What for? You didn't dare to ask since it seemed like it was common knowledge that those boys were some athletes.

"Rin told us that he no longer needed it"

Who **didn't** want to have a trophy? Aren't trophies something that hold precious memories?

Kou grabbed the picture next to said trophy and you couldn't help but crawl a little closer, curious.

On that picture were four, pretty young boys, cheering and smiling and everyone's cheeks were slightly red. It wasn't hard to guess who those boys were.

"Ooh...", your voice came out without you noticing it.

They looked so cute! Just what had happened to those boys?

"Look at them, they were so cute! And they grew so much!", you felt slightly jealous at the boost they got during puberty. It seemed like they changed so much yet not at all.

"Yeah... everyone is smiling", Kou said fascinated, her eyes fixed on the kids. When you compared the past Rin's face and the current Rin's face you understood what kind of smile Kou wanted to see again.

And it wasn't only her.

You, too, found that smile rather beautiful.

_It can't hurt to see it, right?_

"Well, Haru is the sole exception on this photo"

"Haru-chan is always smiling on the inside!", Nagisa smiled at Kou and brought tea along.

"[Name]", when you heard Haru saying your name, you looked up from the picture. You wanted to look at it a little longer and hear more of the stories it had to tell but it can't be helped.

"It's your turn to cook", at first, you didn't understand at all so you thought about Haru's words a little harder. What was he talking about?

"The mackerel", seemed like Makoto wasn't the only one who was good at telepathy. When you heard the m-word you gasped a little and remembered Haru's words about cooking mackerel back then, when the two of you cooked at your place. However, that wasn't the only memory that came back.

Haru's firm grip came to your mind and you blushed slightly.

"It's alright, you can-..."

"Hurry", his voice was impassive as always but seemed different at the same time. He didn't want you to refuse.

Makoto looked at Haru in confusion and afterwards his eyes seemed to interrogate you. Since you wanted to escape that look as soon as possible you walked into the kitchen and gave up resisting.

"The pan's over there", he said, watching the squid carefully. While you were cooking along with Haru, the conversation in the living room kept on going.

"Is this the first time Rin's come back to Japan since he left?"

"Huh? He came back every year for New Year's"

Nagisa's voice raised and you tried to keep an eye on the mackerel but your thoughts drifted off.

"And he never told us?!", as you were about to hover the first fried piece on a plate, Haru flinched slightly as soon as Nagisa blurted those words out.

You didn't expect that.

Not from Haru. What was wrong with him?

"Haru-...?"

"Careful. Your going to burn yourself", you turned your eyes back to the pan, however, nothing would have burnt you. Your hands were out of reach for every hot material. You didn't understand the meaning of his words and you didn't understand that he told you to not stick your nose in other people's business. You didn't understand that, however, you guessed it.

You bit your lower lip and thought about the situation.

Rin won some swimming competition with them but it seemed like he left Japan and came back once for New Year's which Haru and the others didn't know.

 _He didn't tell them a thing... what a melodramatic idiot..._ , even though you tried to see things from an ironic point of view, it failed to cheer you up. Rin made friends with boys who were irreplacable and he dropped them like a hot potato. Why would someone do that?

 

* * *

 

 

"We'll be off, then! See you tomorrow, Haru!"

"Bye bye, Haruka-senpai"

"Bye bye, Haru-chan!"

"See you tomorrow, Haru!", you tried your best to smile at Haru who led you to the entrance door. It felt awkward. Apparently, Haru didn't want you to stick your nose into their business and it seemed like he wanted to change the fact that you already were involved. But it wasn't only that. 

Looking into those blue eyes of his you remembered that picture your aunt showed you. That picture on which Haru and you held hands while sleeping. How was that even possible? Were you really that close to Haru? Thinking about what Haru was like nowadays, it was unimaginable.

The sun was already setting when you decided to go home.

"[Name]-chan's mackerel was delicious! I didn't know you were that good at cooking!", Nagisa's cheering voice took you back to reality.

"Yes! I should try cooking like that, too", Kou agreed.

"Not really, all I did was fry some mackerel...", your thoughts still lingered over Haru and you felt guilty for being too nosy so you thought that you didn't deserve so much praise. You had nothing to do with those guys' business.

"To some people, even frying mackerel is a difficult task", Makoto smiled gently at you, his eyes looking kindheartedly at you like he read your mind and could tell what was bothering you.

"Yeah, Makoto, for example, is horrible at cooking! You can't trust anything he cooks! It's all messy and burnt!"

"Nagisa!!", Makoto scolded him, embarrassed and blushed slightly and you couldn't help but chuckle at them. You didn't know why but they somehow managed to cheer you up.

"If it's Tachibana-kun, I think he puts his heart into it", you tried to defend Makoto.

The brunette male stopped scolding Nagisa and turned his emerald-colored eyes to you, they sparkled in astonishment and gratitude. Apparently your words surprised him. You didn't notice that he eyed you and your figure, which seemed rather small and fragile to him, your neck and your chin, your lips. And then, your eyes met and Nagisa was a forgotten man.

Makoto smiled at you, gently and when you caught him staring, his cheeks flushed slightly. You felt like you had to smile the embarrassment of the situation away.

Kou looked at your behaivour, somewhat confused but she also seemed to notice something.

“But his heart doesn’t change the fact that it’s not edible”, and then, there was Nagisa, ruining the atmosphere, which was probably for the best. You probably would have fallen in love with Makoto, at that rate.

 

 

“Well, we need to go then, see you tomorrow!!”, Nagisa and Kou waved at you two and left you standing at the stairs which led towards the shrine.

"Take good care of Kou-chan!", you waved after the blond boy, hoping that he could be trusted.

When they were gone, the silence between you and Makoto was too much to take. It felt awkward but you didn't know the reason why. Maybe it was because Makoto himself was feeling uncomfortable and his feelings affected yours. You just wished you were better at communication.

"We should go, too...", Makoto then said, his voice low and uncertain about what to say.

"Yeah"

 

 

“So you don’t live far from Haru’s place, hm?”, you asked, looking at Makoto’s house and noticed that he didn’t live far from your place either. No wonder that you'd meet them on your way to school.

"Right. And it's not far from your place either, right?", Makoto asked, his emerald eyes looking at you, a gentle smile on his lips. Sometimes it seemed like he wanted to reassure you that nothing would happen to you. Like there's nothing to be afraid of.

"That's ri-..."

" **Onii-chan**!!", a young girl's voice interrupted you when the front door opened with a sudden jerk and a small kid, probably about ten, jumped right at Makoto's waist.

"You're late!", she had your attention right away. Her hair was dark, somewhat greenish, her eyes were a bright green and sparkled at the sight of her older brother.

"Onii-chan! Welcome home", another child ran towards you, according to it's voice it was a boy. He wasn't as perky as his sister and seemed rather clumsy.

"Ran, Ren! I'm home", he chuckled softly and stroke their hair in a very kind manner.

The trio was just too cute and you had to bite your lower lip to prevent youeself from squealing.

"Hm? Who's this?", the young girl looked past her older brother and pointed at you. Some might mistake her vivacity for rudeness but some just couldn't get mad at her.

You crouched so you were able to look straight into their eyes and smiled your kindest smile while hoping not to be creepy.

"I'm [Lastname] [Name]. It's a pleasure", the twins exchanged looks, the boy seemed a little shy and blushed slightly.

"I'm Tachibana Ran!", the girl said, putting her chest out, proudly.

"And this coward is Tachibana Ren", her proud expression changed when she pointed at her brother. She obviously mocked him and shook her head at his blush.

"The twins I told you about", you looked up at Makoto and remembered that he was talking about his siblings that morning. They were just as cute as you had imagined.

_So cute, so inno-..._

"Is she onii-chan's girlfriend?"

 _Okay, maybe not **that** innocent_ , you couldn't help but laugh a little.

No. They were innocent. Just as innocent as Makoto, asking innocent questions without mischievous intentions.

"Ran! Don't say something like that!", Makoto exclaimed and blushed along with Ren. Flustered boys were pretty cute. However, it wasn't quite clear whether Makoto blushed because of Ran's words or because it was you, being mistaken for his girlfriend.

"Maybe", the latter made you a little mad at Makoto and you ended up teasing him. Even Ran blushed slightly.

"Wha-... [Name]-chan!"

"Just kidding. I took him home because he got lost", it was definetly the latter one. No one would want you to be mistaken for one's girlfriend after all, right? Still, he didn't have to show his bewilderment that obviously. You thought about it way too much and ended up sulking at the whole world.

The twins chuckled and exchanged looks again.

"That's so like him"

"I-I... I did not get lost! [Name]-ch-...!"

"What's all the noise about, Makoto?", a confused and kind-looking woman exited the house and looked at you. Her eyes seemed just as loving as her son's.

"Oh? Who's this young lady? Your girlfriend, perhaps?", Makoto's shoulders slumped at the words he heard a second time in a row and sighed in defeat. There was no way he could defy three girls.

"No~... She's a classmate of mine, [Lastname] [Name]-chan", you bowed slightly.

"It is a pleasure to meet you, Tachibana-san"

"Thank you for taking care of our Makoto", when she smiled at you you understood which angel handed down her smile to the brunette male.

"You even took him home, didn't you?", oh no, she heard your filthy lie?! You just happened to walk past Makoto's home, that was all!

"Besides...", she lowered her voice and whispered something in Makoto's ear.

"M-Mom!!", she chuckled at her son's flustered reaction.

It seemed like Makoto has always been the ball which got tossed around a lot. However, it was funny to tease Makoto, yes, but also mean. And forcing him to take you home was just too much, it made you feel slightly guilty and uncomfortable.

"I-It's okay, my house is-..."

 

 

"I'm sorry, [Name]-chan... sometimes my mother doesn't accept a 'No'...", Makoto sighed slightly, walking next to you and looked down at you, apologetic.

Makoto was taking you home. And Ran and Ren decided to go with their older brother.

"Never mind...", you said, sheepishly, looking at the twins. It was a little frustrating. You lived a few minutes walk from Makoto's home. There really was no need to take you home.

"She's just worried, I know", you smiled slightly and the male's cheeks flushed again a little. You were glad that Ran and Ren were with you. The situation would have been unbearable without their laughter and bickering.

"And I met your younger siblings that way, so it's not that bad", you shrugged and smiled at the twins who still seemed a little shy but got bolder gradually.

"They are really cute"

"Really?", Ran's eyes sparkled. It wasn't much of a surprise. Which girl didn't like being called cute?

"W-... Well, I'm normal, I guess", her cheerful expression turned into a small sulk of embarrassment.

The twins chatted excited and walked a few meters ahead which wasn't because they walked that fast. It was because Makoto walked that slow.

"[Name]-chan?", his voice was low and soft and you barely heard it.

It was already dark, the stars smiled down at you and the sea's waves got louder, the wind stronger. You looked up at him, unsure whether he actually had said something or not.

"I'm sorry for my family teasing you... you know. Saying you're my girlfriend and all", you raised your eyebrows in confusion.

Was that something to apologize for? You knew that they teased you. Well, it was kind of embarrassing at first but you got over it. Makoto, apparently, didn't. His cheeks were slightly red and he avoided looking at you. He was the one who was utterly embarrassed by that.

“It’s okay”, you shook your head.

“You don’t seem to be okay, though.”

“Well… it was my first time introducing a girl to my mother so… she might have thought you’re someone special”, he laughed awkwardly and it was obvious that he tried to loosen the tension with his laughter.

_Someone special? Wait._

She didn’t tease you?! Your jaw dropped in bewilderment, Makoto’s cheeks got even redder and he avoided your eyes at all costs.

_Well, this is awkward_

"So, you aren't onii-chan's girlfriend?", Ren asked, suddenly walking next to you. How did he get there? Wasn't he ahead of you a second ago?

"N-"

"Why not? Onii-chan's great", Ran looked at you curiously and was walking next to you, too. Questions from the right, questions from the left and you couldn't help but feel pressed.

"Ran! Ren! You shouldn't bother her like that!"

"And why isn't she your girlfriend, onii-chan?", the girl asked, her eyes piercing right through Makoto.

"She's beautiful", that was it. The brunette male blushed crimson and was at a loss of words. You couldn't take the atmosphere either.

"If you don't do something, she's going to be taken"

"Alright! That's enough!", you exclaimed and started to chase after the twins playfully.

The cheerful laughter of them made you laugh, too, and you felt like a child yourself. Chasing one another with nothing to worry about. Iwatobi's sea and air made you feel cheerful and buoyant. It was beautiful and more peaceful than Tokyo. You were glad that you came here. You probably wouldn't have been able to feel like a child again.

When he saw you chasing his siblings, he couldn't help but smile absentmindedly. Makoto's emerald eyes watched you carefully and interested but also somewhat bemused. The gentle wind stroke your hair, the city's lights and the moon shined on your smiling face. He couldn't help but stare at you. He stared at you, your slightly flushed cheeks, your smooth hair, your lips and his heart throbbed. And then he watched his siblings, having fun with someone besides himself or Haru and Makoto thanked his mother silently for forcing him to take you home.

Maybe Ran was right.

You might be taken in a second, looking like that, fooling around and smiling. Luckily, there was no other man around you besides him who'd see you like that.

At least that's what he thought. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, since we already had Haru & Rin, this chapter focuses on Makoto and his beautiful smile, finding something even more beautiful than him ;)   
> I wasn't quite sure on how to end this chapter but I guess this end is alright? 
> 
> So, that was the 5th chapter, I hope you enjoyed it! The next chapter is going to be a less calm one, probably =P Thank you for reading, please, go ahead and criticize/praise.   
> See you in the next chapter and have a nice day, stay healthy!


	6. You, frustrated

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Since your asthma got worse gradually in Tokyo, you returned to Iwatobi, your hometown and started living with your aunt.  
>  Sports was always something you weren't able to enjoy. And being afraid of the water, swimming was never an option.  
>  When you meet the swimming boys, you couldn't help but think of them as hot and unapproachable. However, you soon get dragged into their business and become the most important person to them.  
>  A person who'd not only see the water's surface but beneath it
> 
> (Re-upload, coming from Quotev)

„… -and then, you know, onii-chan was all scared and we just laughed at him!“

Ran told you about how easy Makoto was to scare in a cheerful voice.

It seemed like the twins got attached to you easily. They were so lively and open-minded, it made your heart jump a little.

“Don’t tell her that story!”, Makoto protested, his cheeks crimson red. It was striking how easy Makoto was to tease and scare. He seemed to be afraid of his own shadow.

Ran and Ren laughed and they both touched your hands with theirs, grabbed them gently, almost simultaneously.

 _They really are twins_ , you chuckled in your thoughts and held their hands, trying to smile their embarrassment away. Seeing that, Makoto’s blush disappeared and he watched you intensely. He looked at your hands, holding his sibling’s. They were way smaller than his, gentle and frail.

What would they feel like?, he wondered.

What would your skin against his feel like? Would his be too rough for yours? Would he hurt you? Or would he make you feel good?

“Tachibana-kun?”, when you caught him staring at you, you blinked in confusion. There was no way you could tell what he was thinking about or why he was staring at you lost in thoughts like that.

When you called out to him, he snapped out of his thoughts and his emerald, gentle eyes looked into yours. Makoto’s gaze was kind but there also was another emotion you couldn’t read. For a brief second you felt insecure and small under his intense look but when he smiled you didn’t give it a second thought.

“So, that’s my-…”

“ **[NAME]-CHAN**!!!”, you flinched when the entrance door of your house slammed open and your aunt charged you, overprotective as always.

“Where have you-…!!”, she was about to tell you about how worried she was and that you should come home sooner since you were a cutie who’d get kidnapped in an instant. However, the Tachibana sibling’s presence made her speechless. It took her a while to get what was going on and thinking of what to make of the situation.

“Unbelievable! I lose sight of you for one second and you come home, bringing a husband and two children along!”

That was your aunty. Using every opportunity to tease and embarrass you. You knew that all too well, so you didn’t reply, so her embarrassing conclusion was followed by speechless silence.

“See?”, you then looked at Makoto, who seemed rather flustered because of your aunt’s teasing and shrugged.

“That’s how they are”, you remembered that Makoto blushed heavily at his mother’s words so you tried to tell him that his mother wasn’t the only one teasing.

When he looked at you, he couldn’t help but laugh melodiously and softly. You relaxed when you saw him laugh like that again and you were glad that he didn't seem disgusted by you or your aunt.

“This is my aunt, aunty, this is Tachibana Makoto, a _classmate_ of mine and those children are his _siblings_ ”

“Good evening, thanks for taking care of my dork. Must be tough, Makoto-kun”

“Oh! Not at all, she’s rather easy to clean”, Makoto obviously didn’t think much of it. Saying these words with a smile, he looked like he was talking about the cutest kitten he has ever seen. But maybe he shouldn’t have used those words. He didn’t know about your aunty’s deviousness.

“’ _Easy to clean_ ’, hmm~?”, you clicked your tongue and rolled your eyes while shoving your aunt into the house. She just couldn't let it go.

“It’s getting late, Tachibana-kun. I’m sorry for everything, please be safe!! Bye Ran-chan, bye Ren-chan!”, you waved at the Tachibana siblings, a little flustered and embarrassed.

Since it was, in fact, late, the Tachibana siblings left but your aunt was still a little distressed about something.

“Whoa, wait, [Name]-chan! Sena-san came over for a visit and wanted to talk to you! He said something about a boy who wanted to see you, or something”

You blinked in confusion.

_A boy? Very unlikely. Impossible._

Nagisa went home, Haru was home, too and Makoto has been with you the whole time.

“You should go over and talk to him!”

 

 

“Sena-san?”, you asked, ringing the doorbell twice. Maybe it was too late to pay him a visit after all.

You heard something move and then there were barks. Mami was already greeting you through the door.

The door opened and the healthy looking old man smiled at you, his face lit up in delight.

“Ah, [Name]-chan. I’m glad to see you! Mami’s glad too, right, big girl?”, he laughed gently and petted the dog’s head.

“She also got attached to you, so make sure to take her out sometimes”, there was no doubt that aunty talked with Sena-san about your stamina. He, too, seemed worried about you and wanted to do his best to help out.

“Okay”, you agreed, a smile on your face. All those worries made you feel uncomfortable.

“I’m here for-…”

“A, right! Your aunt told you, right? About that that maroon-haired guy wanting to talk to you? His name was pretty girly, poor kid. I know him but no matter how often I hear his name, I just keep forgetting.”

 _Uh-oh…_ , ‘maroon-haired’ and ‘girly name’ wasn’t something you wanted to hear. It wasn’t something you wanted to believe either.

“I met him on my way home from my grandson’s academy. He walked along with me and talked about you, asking whether I know you and telling me what an annoying brat you are”

_Yeah. That’s definitely Rin._

“I told him that we’re neighbors so he walked with me. But then he acted all strange, wanting to leave all of a sudden. When he was gone I saw you and a boy and some children walking along the beach and I thought ‘Well, that kid sure can’t handle his jealousy’ or he is a coward. I don’t know. Oh, but he likes dogs and seemed rather amiable to me”

_Hah! Amiable, he says! But, wait._

Rin left when he saw you and Makoto? Why? Why did he want to talk to you, anyway?

Sena kept on talking but he didn’t know why Rin wanted to talk to you, he didn’t leave a note either and you couldn’t help but sigh. Rin was the last guy you wanted to meet again. But, apparently, you couldn’t escape him.

“Thank you”, you waved at the old man and went home.

 

 

Your phone vibrated in your pocket and when you saw who was calling, your eyes widened. Your heart began to race and you gulped.

“Nana-chan?”

“Hey, [Name]-chan… I’m sorry for ignoring you all this time… but…”

Silence.

You waited a long time for Nana to talk to you again, you thought that a few seconds weren’t a big deal. But they were. The silence was unbearable, you wanted to know why she ignored you so badly, you held your breath. When you saw her name on the display you almost gasped and were too afraid to answer the call.

Nana took a deep breath and your heart jumped at the same time.

“I have a crush on Tachibana Makoto”, you waited for her to keep on talking. But there was nothing more. She didn’t say a thing and held her breath just as desperately as you did. Your heart raced in confusion and anxiety.

“And?”, your voice shook and you gulped.

“Nothing…”, you looked into the mirror on the wardrobe’s door and watched yourself sitting on your bed. And then your jaw dropped.

“Wow… wait. That’s it? You don’t hate me because I ate your chocolate when we were five? Or because I said something stupid? You have a crush on Tachibana-kun and that’s why you ignored me?!”, your voice raised in despair and you felt like throwing your pillow out of the window, hoping that it would hit Nana right in her face.

“ **Because**!!! Because I thought you like him, too! I saw you going to school together and so on!”

“Oh, god, Nana-chan, say something like that sooner, will you? A boy shouldn’t ruin our friendship, you dweeb!”

You didn’t know much about Makoto so there was no way you could say that you had a crush on him. Sure, he was gentle, kind and loving but it still felt like you didn’t know him at all. Nana probably knew him the best since she didn’t leave Iwatobi, unlike you. Which meant that you wouldn't stand a chance against her anyway. 

“I’m so sorry, [Name]-chan”, her voice shook and you could tell that she was about to cry.

“Don’t cry! I’m just glad that this misunderstanding is gone now. If you don’t pick me up tomorrow to go to school with me, I’m going to haunt you, got that?”

You having a crush on Makoto…

Even if something like that would happen, there was no way he’d be interested in you anyway, right?

 

* * *

 

 

Since Nana had a crush on Makoto you left your house earlier than usual and went to school with her. That way you wouldn’t meet Makoto and Haru which was probably for the best. But since you're in the same class as them, there was no way you could avoid them that long.

Nana seemed to be desperate to talk to you about Makoto and her crush on him and almost every second word was an apology.

"Ever since I joined the Iwatobi Swim Club I had a crush on him. He is just so gentle and loving... sometimes I see him, cuddling with a white kitten and my ovaries explode, you now?"

You heard those words for the third time now but you tried to keep your temper and nodded. Sure, you felt like you learned a lot more about Makoto since Nana started talking but hearing the same thing over and over again was just too much. Even if you liked the words you were hearing.

"He was smaller than me but he grew so much!", you remembered saying the same words to yourself when you looked at a picture of the boys at Haru's place.

"Uh, yeah, you're right", you said to yourself, thinking of those happy boys again.

It was only muttered but Nana heard it and you attracted her attention. Which wasn't pleasant at all.

"Hm? How do you know?", you flinched a little at her words. Of course, she hide it perfectly but she didn't seem pleased by your words.

Your eyes pierced yours and your heart stopped for a second, thinking she'd kill you in any moment. But she didn't.

Much to your surprise, her expression changed and her jaw dropped.

"Wait... do you remember something?", you frowned at that, forgetting about the fact that Nana was about to rip your head of a second ago.

"Uh... yeah, I saw a picture of them yesterday...", you answerd but, if you were honest, you didn't know what she meant by 'remember'.

Nana's hopeful expression changed and her eyes grew dark with disappointment. She obviously didn't want to hear that.

"I see..."

 

During lunch break, Nagisa dragged you to the roof and took you away from Nana who seemed confused and slightly betrayed. You hoped that she wouldn’t be angry because of that.

Well, you resisted with all your might but Nagisa was inexorable and Nana knew that best. They were classmates after all.

So you had to spent lunch break with the boys and you did your best to avoid Makoto. Sure, Nana wasn't with you but you felt like she'd see every move you made. 

Makoto's green orbs watched you in confusion every now and then, noticing that your behavior was slightly off. 

Soon after you started eating your lunch, Nagisa started talking about the club.

Well, that wouldn't be much of a problem if it was any of your business. But it wasn't.

“Since everyone’s on board-…”, right before Nagisa could finish his sentence you cut him off, almost choking on your meal.

“Woah, wait. I didn’t say I’m _going_ to join the swimming club. I said I _think_ about it”

"Eh...?", Nagisa's pink orbs looked at you and his expression made your heart swell with guilt. He looked hurt but you didn't know why. Even though you knew that you weren't the one to blame, you couldn't help but feel bad.

"[Name]-chan, you aren't going to join?"

“I don’t know yet! I’m sorry but I need to think about it a little-…”

“No”, ever since Nagisa started talking it has been noisy on the roof top, however, when Haru spoke everyone listened to him.

“She’s not going to join the club”, your heart throbbed in consternation.

_What did he say? Is he serious? Why not?!_

When you had the choice to join the club or not you felt at ease. You felt like you had the right to make your own decisions. When Haru took this right away from you, you couldn’t help but look at him, shocked and perplexed.

Was it because you were a girl? Because you were a stranger? Did he dislike you that much?

“H-Haru…?” Makoto seemed a little surprised, however, Nagisa, who wanted you to join that badly, looked at Haru for a few seconds. His expression was impossible to interpret.

The blond boy then showed a piece of paper to you.

‘ _Club Application_ ’ was the title and you felt your guts resist.

“I picked up a new club application form”, he ignored Haru’s objection completely.

Nagisa’s smile was proud and cheerful as usual but you couldn’t help but feel a little scared. It didn’t seem right. Nagisa wanted you to join so badly, it didn’t seem right to see him this cheerful after hearing Haru refusing to let you join the club.

Nagisa didn’t stop to jabber something about training mind and body etcetera and, since you only _thought_ about joining, you didn’t listen to him.

“There will be four members, initially. Mako-chan can be the captain and Haru-chan can be the vice-captain. I’ll be the treasurer!”

 _‘Four members’ he said. Oh god. What’s going to happen to me?_ , when you noticed that Nagisa gave everyone except you an important role you gulped and tried to vanish into air.

As usual, you failed.

“We also need a faculty advisor… We’re going to ask Miss Ama-chan, I’ve heard a crazy story from our classmates”, Nagisa paused.

He stopped talking just like that and you felt worry raging within you. Nagisa wasn’t someone to stop talking. He never stopped talking.

“And then… there’s [Name]-chan. She can be-…”

“She’s not going to join”, Haru interrupted Nagisa again and, although his voice seemed monotone as always you read between the lines.

Haru didn’t want you to join. Period. His word was law.

“I know! She can be our mascot!”, seeing Nagisa trying so desperately to get Haru to accept you made your chest hurt. You felt frustrated. It was your decision to make. Not Haru’s. And you didn't want to make a decision which would hurt Nagisa.

“Nagisa”, the raven-haired male’s voice got harsher with every word the blonde said. And that was the moment when you noticed that even Nagisa could snap. He bit his lower lip in an attempt to keep himself from screaming at Haru and his effort was heart-wrenching.

“Stop it, Haru-chan!”, his voice shook and there was no doubt that he was disappointed in Haru, maybe he was even mad at him.

“Why can’t she join?! Who are you to tell her what to do!? Isn’t it her decision!?”, the Hazuki jumped up and grabbed your underarm, pulling you on your feet.

“I don’t care what you say! I convince her to join, whether you like it or not!”, his grip on your arm grew stronger and stronger and it started to hurt but you tried to stay calm. Nagisa probably was in more pain than you, so you tried to endure it.

“Nagisa!”, Makoto tried to calm Nagisa down but to no avail.

“Hazuki-kun…”, you whispered softly. You wanted to tell him that it was pointless to get worked up like that, to scream at your best friend like that but he didn’t care. He dragged you along into the school building.

Nagisa’s strength was overwhelming and took you off guard. You’ve never thought that someone as cheerful and sweet as Nagisa possessed such strength. You couldn’t help but stop resisting. Through the pain on your arm you could feel his despair.

Nagisa was desperate to get away from the unsympathetic looks of his best friends and wanted to talk to you. To you who’d understand and wouldn’t look at him with the same expression.

He kept on dragging you with him, down the stairs, through the halls and it seemed like he wanted to escape together with you. Anywhere was fine.

“Hazuki-kun!”, you called out to him and stopped walking and you were glad when you saw him stop, too. He loosened his grip but he didn’t let you go. It almost seemed like he was afraid of you leaving. 

Your feelings were complicated. A mixture of confusion, frustration and anger but you knew that he had his reasons, Haru, too. But still, your arm hurt and it was difficult to keep yourself from feeling intimidated and overlooked. But you also were fed up with this game.

“I’m sorry…”, his voice was soft when he turned to look into your eyes. He saw the storm raging within you, he saw your confusion and your anger and felt bad for making you feel like that.

“I-… I just want you to join the club. When Haru-chan didn’t stop I-…”, he didn’t find the right words and decided to breath in to calm himself and his shaking voice. You couldn’t help but sigh.

Why do you have to be so kindhearted? You couldn’t even be mad at him for hurting your arm.

“Just... tell me why. Why do you want me to join that badly?”, you asked and you freed your arm from his weak grip carefully. His expression turned desperate and it was obvious that he needed some time to gather himself. Apparently, it wasn’t something that could be said that easily.

When you thought about that, your heart began to pound within your chest. Great. You got from one uncomfortable conversation to another.

You psyched yourself up. Nagisa grit his teeth, feeling frustrated because of his cowardice and glared at the ground like it stole something from him he held dear.

“Because…”, his voice shook and you could be wrong but you thought that you saw his eyes tear up a little bit.

“When I saw you-…”, he tried it again, choosing different words this time but the school bell cut him off.

The blonde male didn’t even try to hide his relief, you, on the contrary, felt utterly frustrated and you bit your lip to keep you from groaning. Why couldn’t he just be honest and say important things bluntly? He wanted to join you, right?

“I-… I need to go!”, with that Nagisa rushed downstairs.

_Wow… just… wow._

He left you behind, leaving you asking yourself whether you wanted to join the club or not.

You looked at the stairs Nagisa stood on a second ago and found yourself being on the fence. The last thing you wanted to do was to hurt Nagisa.

But your fear of water had a firm grip on you.

 

* * *

 

 

"Wow.. I'm glad that day is over...", you sighed when you were on your way to the entrance hall with Nana after class. All those conversations were tiering. 

"Are you okay? That Nagisa-guy kinda dragged you along...", Nana asked, a worried frown on her face.

You only managed to nod.

"Hazuki-kun got angry when Haru said that I shouldn't join the club"

"Oh god... Really? What a douche... but he was always like that. I don't get what he is thinking at all, that Haru-guy", Nana's words made you remember Haru's and Makoto's way of communicating and you felt jealous again. But you also couldn't help but remember that time when Haru saved you from burning yourself.

"No... he's not that bad... Haru's just... showing his feelings in his own way"

“[Name]”

 _Uh-oh…_ , you had hurried with Nana to the entrance hall in order to avoid meeting the ridiculously good looking swimming boys, however, it seemed like a certain raven-haired boy saw right through your plan. You felt your cheeks flush a little in embarrassment for being that predictable.

You just hoped he hasn't heard those embarrassing words you were saying.

“Haru! What a surprise to-…”

“Amakata-sensei is going to be our faculty advisor”, you didn’t know why he told you that but you were quite sure that he wasn’t finished talking. Not at all. He wouldn’t let you off the hook that easily.

“Nagisa’s on his way to ask you again”, couldn’t he just come to the point?

“But you’ll decline”, of course…

Well, you expected something like that so you weren’t surprised by that. Or angered.

“Excuse me, but it’s [Name]-chan’s decision. It’s up to her”, Nana, who stood right next to you and finished changing shoes, intervened and Haru’s eyes grew cold.

Right before he could say something you breathed in and searched for the right words to say. But there weren't any 'right words'. Just your feelings and thoughts.

“I don’t get you. First, there is a guy who wants me to join, no matter what. Then there is a guy who doesn’t want me to join. Make up your mind, will you?! Why-…”

"I'm going to walk you home", Nana's and your eyes widened in horror when the raven-haired suddenly said that.

“Wha-… wai-… no! Stop deciding-…”

You wanted to walk home together with Nana. Just the two of you, talking about lady-stuff. You wanted to escape those eyes who begged you to do something you were afraid of. You wanted to escape those eyes who obviously wanted to tell you what to do.

 

* * *

 

 

Yet, there you were, walking next to Haru, who wouldn’t accept ‘No’ for an answer.

You didn’t dislike Haru per se. He even made your heart jump a little when you remembered him cooking in your kitchen. But his persistence sure could get on one’s nerves. He also dry-nursed you as if you were a little child.

Nana didn’t dare to say a word, apparently she felt the tension between you and Haru and she was glad to leave you two alone.

When you walked along the beach with him, only the waves and the sand, crunching under your weight could be heard. Your steps were faster since your anger gave you a lot of energy to spend but the raven-haired boy didn’t have any trouble with keeping up.

“[Name]”

Yes, they were good locking. Yes, they were nice. No, that didn’t mean that you had to accept everything they did and you didn’t have to get dragged into something you didn’t want to get involved with. Getting weak because of Nagisa’s puppy eyes wasn’t planned. Getting flustered because of Makoto’s request wasn’t planned either. And getting worked up because of Haru’s disarming care was the worst.

“[Name], slow down, you’re going to-…”, you were way too busy thinking about the swimming club and the boys to realize why your foot suddenly lost hold.

The only thing you realized was, that you landed on all fours.

You could feel the sand on your skin. It was wet from the water.

Apparently you haven't even notice that you weren’t a meter away from the sea. You were glad the water was rather shallow, you would have screamed in shock otherwise. But it was still terrifying so you couldn't keep yourself from whining slightly and turn around to sit on your butt.

_How did I not realize that?! I was so close to the sea!!!_

Haru looked down at you for a while, not saying a thing.

“You sure are clumsy”, you couldn’t help but shoot him the glare of death. This was the worst. Tripping and being scared shitless because of a little water in front of Haru who probably didn’t even care at all was just...

“But I told you to slow down...”, his voice was apathetic, however, it seemed gentler than usual.

“Are you okay?”, he crouched down so he was on your eye level and looked at you. His blue orbs pierced you and it felt like you were the only person on his mind that moment. 

You returned his look, feeling strangely at ease. This whole situation seemed so familiar. But how?

"Do your knees hurt?", when he noticed that you were lost in your thoughts, he asked more questions and his look wandered to your knees.

"U-Uhm... no"

"That's good. Can you walk?", he offered you a hand and you looked at it.

 

_Don't cry... come on, I carry you_

 

Your eyes widened slightly in shock.

 _What was that...?  Was that... a boy's voice?_ "Uhm... Haru _..._ In my photo album, there's a picture of me and you... when we were babies. Do you know about that?"

He looked at you for some time before standing up. Haru avoided your eyes and you knew that he didn't want to answer that question. But you needed that answer, somehow. You wanted to knew whether it was really the same Haru who was in front of you. You wanted to know why you had forgotten about that.

“Haru…?”, your voice shook and, to him, it seemed like you were begging for an answer. He knew that that answer was important to you but he didn't want you to know. 

“Don’t join the club”

“What...?"

Well, that was a sudden change of topic. A change you didn't like at all. Why do that boys always have to talk about that damn swimming club?

And why was he looking at you like that? Why was his expression so aloof and cold?

“Wha-… Why are you saying that again?”, you tried your hardest to laugh the tension of of the situation off but that laugh left your throat awkwardly. It didn’t sound confident at all.

You stood up and cleaned your skirt from the sand so you wouldn't have to look into his eyes. The situation was embarrassing enough, you didn't have to see his expression.

"I think we should go...", just like he did earlier, you wanted to change the subject. You didn't want to talk about it anymore, it was already hunting you.

But Haru was surprisingly presistent.

“Don’t join”

“I-I… I still don’t get it. Why not? What’s your problem? Hazuki-kun wants me to join so badly but you don’t? What did I-…”, you drowned in desperate fluster and felt like running away. But at the same time, you wanted to know why he was acting like that. Why was he bringing that topic up over and over again? When the anger was about to reach your teary eyes he didn't know what to do. 

He felt himself panic internally a little because he absolutely did not want you to get mad at him and cry. That wasn't the plan. Not at all.

"Why are you asking me why I won't let you join the club? Did you already decided that you'd join?", he decided to keep your mind busy so you wouldn't have the time to cry.

And it worked.

Because he was right. You didn't even know whether you wanted to join or not yet. Why would you get worked up because he didn't allow you to join? Why would it bother you?

"T-That's...", you stuttered, avoiding his stern eyes because you felt like he'd see right through you. He already knew what was going on inside of you by looking at you.

"You don't know", he said the words which were bothering you out loud and it sounded really stupid.

You couldn't help but feel slightly frustrated because of the fact that he acted like he knows it all and you shot him a glare.

"Yeah, I don't know. But that doesn't matter. It is my decision to make and I won't let you decide for me. Hazuki-kun and Tachibana-kun seem to want me to join so I think about it", you said, crossed your arms and glared at him.

"That's like letting Nagisa and Makoto decide"

Your heart swelled with frustration at his words because you knew he was right. Haru wanted to decide that you didn't join while Nagisa and Makoto decided that they wanted you to join.

You didn't know what to say and the more you thought about it the more frustration was building up inside you. The whole situation was annoying to you and it was even more annoying that Haru wouldn't let it go.

Why was he so presistent?

"Can't you just leave me alone?! **Mind your own business before sticking your nose into mine**!"

Soon after you left Haru behind in a hurry you felt guilt nagging on your very bones.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you go, another chapter!   
> It got rather intense (well, a little at least, haha). It's really inconvenient that Haru can't say what he is really thinking but oh well.  
> Drama, I like it =P  
> Maybe you already guessed it but the next chapter will contain an encounter with Rin again! Brace yourself xP   
> Have a nice day/evening, please stay healthy/get healthy and take care! See you in the next chapter and thank you for being patient with me!


	7. He, letting you in

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Since your asthma got worse gradually in Tokyo, you returned to Iwatobi, your hometown and started living with your aunt.  
> Sports was always something you weren't able to enjoy. And being afraid of the water, swimming was never an option.  
> When you meet the swimming boys, you couldn't help but think of them as hot and unapproachable. However, you soon get dragged into their business and become the most important person to them.  
> A person who'd not only see the water's surface but beneath it
> 
> (Re-upload, coming from Quotev)

It really wasn't a good idea to run away from Haru but you couldn't help it. Everytime you'd tell him that it was your own choice, he'd look at you as if you wouldn't know what was good for you. Like you were a little child that didn't know anything yet.  
Why was he treating you like that?  
Was he always like that?  
_No wonder I forgot about him..._  
„Ah, [Name]-chan“, you reached your houses garden door when you suddenly heard your neighbor’s voice.  
„Good evening, Sena-san“, Mami rushed out of Sena’s house and towards you, barking in delight.  
„Hey, big girl“, you crouched and fondled her ear. Mami’s trusting eyes melted your heart and you couldn’t help but laugh a little. You were glad that Mami was there to cheer you up. Well if she could talk she'd probably say something like 'Don't worry, he only wants your best'. But didn't know how preassuring you would do you any good.  
„I was about to take her out for a walk“  
„Already? Are you feeling better yet?“, you frowned at him when you remembered that he had a lumbago the day before.  
„Well, I’m tougher than I look. But you’re aunty would probably kill me“, his laugh was gentle and warm, as always.  
„I don’t have anything to do anyway, so, if it’s alright-…“  
„Thank you. I’m sure Mami’s happy about it, too“

It started to get dark when you walked along the beach with Mami who was already ahead of you. Sena told you that you better shouldn’t walk all the way to Samezuka’s to visit his grandson with Mami. The night was something dangerous after all. At least, that’s what all the people around you are saying.  
When you remembered the name ‚Samezuka‘ you couldn’t help but think of Rin and with that you remembered that your neighbor told you that Rin said something about wanting to talk to you.  
Well, it wasn’t any of your business, right? He was a rude douche and just a waste of time.  
„I wonder what he wanted, though…“, you looked down at the cheerful Mami. No matter who, she seemed to like anyone and be liked by everyone. That was something to be jealous of.  
You kept on walking, lost in thoughts, you almost didn’t notice that you walked passed the dog. Mami had stopped walking and was looking at something cuiously.  
„Mami?“, you asked and frowned in confusion when you finally noticed that she wasn't next to you anymore. You tried to see what she was seeing and narrowed your eyes. There was a dark silhouette walking into one of the side streets but you couldn't tell why Mami was so interested.  
And then, Mami barked happily and chased after the shadow. Again.  
„Mami, don’t!“, that dog sure liked chasing after people.  
Mami vanished into the side street and you had no choice but to jog after her. She took you to places you’ve never seen before and you got a little worried about your way back home. Would you find it? You would have been totally lost if not for Mami’s distant barks. Luckily, the street was lid up and you could see where you headed to.  
„Mami?“, you shouted again, narrowing your eyes in search for her.  
When you found her you gasped in horror. The dark ball of fur ran into a building without any hesitation. Why was the door open in the first place?  
When you reached said building you couldn’t help but stop and look at the child that was painted on the front of the building.  
„Oh god…“, your voice shook. „This is not okay, Mami“, the child splashed around and it used to be happy. However, time didn’t spare neither the building nor the child. The building seemed like it would collapse anytime and the child seemed to have the time of its life splashing in the water of death and despair, crying dirty tears. Or maybe it didn't swim. Maybe it was drowning or was grabbed by some kind of monster and was fighting for its life.  
It was the perfect setting for the most horrifying horror movie in the history of horror movies.  
„You gotta be kiddin‘…“, you heard Mami’s barks from inside that building and you couldn’t help but sigh. Of course she’d pick the creepiest place around.  
„Okay then…“, you whispered to yourself in an attempt to encourage yourself and stepped towards the building.  
“You can do it, me…”

You never thought that an abandoned building could be that creepy. Well, yes, such a thing was creepy but not that creepy. Not the ‘I-want-to-run-home-to-my-mummy’-kind of creepy. But it was and you found yourself breathing shallowly as you slowly walked through the hallways expecting ghosts and monsters around every corner. It was pitch-black and only a few streetlights lit them up so you were able to see at least the ground. You used your phone's flashlight to find your way through that building. Slowly. Slowly.  
It was freezing, smelled moldy and there was no sound to be heard. Even Mami’s barks vanished into nothing so you couldn’t even tell where she was at the moment. You couldn’t help but look for her everywhere and shout her name, hoping that you didn't allure any supernatural creatures .  
“M-Mami…?”, it felt like the only thing you could hear was your heartbeat and the cold echo of your own voice.  
When you heard Mami’s barks again, you sighed in relief and rushed towards those noises. That most of the dogs bark at ghosts wasn’t something you wanted to think of at that moment.  
“Mami!”, her barks led you to a room which was, pretty much like the rest of the building, dark. The moon’s light shone through the window and allowed you to see a dark silhouette and you couldn't help but gasp.  
The moonlight also revealed some picture frames to you and the room seemed cold and empty to you since there wasn’t much furniture. Well, it was doomed to be taken down, right?  
You could only see the back of the person and Mami, hopping around the shadow’s legs, begging for attention. However, the person seemed rather absent-minded and didn’t notice Mami at all.  
You could hear a shallow breath, a sound that people on the verge of tears make.  
“Uhm. Excuse me?”, you gulped your uneasiness down and took a step forward. Finally the person noticed your presence and turned to face you.  
_That's it. I'm going to die. I'm going to die a horrible death and no one will find my body._  
It was way too dark to see who it was and for a single second you thought that it was some kind of thug, looking for his prey.  
But when the person began to speak it was easy to tell who that person was.  
“Still can’t keep up with her, huh…”  
_Matsuoka Rin!!_  
“Let’s go, Mami”, you wanted to leave as soon as possible. Hearing his voice forced memories into your head you didn’t want to remember. Screaming at someone you didn’t know and who nailed it by accident wasn’t something to be proud of. But that wasn’t the only reason for your behaviour, right? Rin’s vibes were uncomfortable and made it hard to speak to him casually. You didn't like uncomfortable vibes.  
However, it seemed like Mami thought that you weren’t done talking so she stayed and even sat down next to Rin in refusal. _Great. Thanks, traitor._  
Might as well look at the pictures, Rin, too, stayed with Mami and petted her head while you stared at the pictures of swimming teams, lightening them up with your phone. There were four children on each, some smiled happily, some were just too awe-struck to get that they won medals.  
“They are so excited”, you mumbled to yourself, wondering what they had felt. It must be pretty exciting to win as a team. But was it possible to be that passionate about swimming? Yes, of course. But was it possible for you?  
Could you join the swimming club and smile like that despite your fear of water? You remembered the picture of Haru and the others, remembering Rin’s smile, showing his sharp teeth. They, too, were pretty excited about winning and passionate about swimming.  
_‘Join the club’, they said…_ , you sighed in your thoughts.  
Rin didn’t leave the building. You didn’t know why, though. Maybe he wanted to spend some time with Mami. Or maybe he had something to say and was too much of a coward to say it. Wait. He actually had something to say, didn't he?! That's what Sena told you!  
“I saw that picture of you guys when you were little”, your voice was low and maybe you didn’t want him to hear you. You didn’t know how he’d react after all. And you weren't sure whether you should get straight to the point or not.  
“You know, that picture with your dumb smile, cuddling with Haru-…”  
“Just get to the frigging point”, he clicked his tongue and you turned to him. You didn’t notice it but Rin felt like your eyes pierced right through him. They seemed to scold him for being a stupid idiot but there was also something that showed him how serious you were.  
“Kou-chan wants to see that smile again”, you blurted those words out before you knew it. On reflex, maybe.  
He shot you a glare you saw despite the darkness, you could even feel him scowling at you.  
“So, what’s that to you?”  
_Uh-oh, here it comes. I should not have said that._  
“Nothing. But you asked me to get to the point. Here is my point”, he got even angrier and his eyes grew cold and dark. Yupp. He sure wanted to see you dead.  
But it wasn’t the time to care about that. At least that’s what you thought, trying hard to keep on going. You struggled to find the right words and found yourself thinking of Nagisa, suggesting to start a swimming club to see Rin again. They all wanted to see him. Why did he have to be so stubborn?  
“They started a swimming club. To ‘see you at tournaments again’”  
“Again, what the hell has that got to do with you?! Just stop being nosy, you don’t know shit!”, his voice raised a little and Mami winced slightly, trotting over to you.  
There were no words. What are you supposed to say in such situations? You weren’t a hero who’d know such a thing right away. You sure weren’t someone who wanted much attention either.  
But you didn’t have a choice, did you? You already were involved. Whether Nagisa was the one to drag you in or you yourself didn’t matter anymore.  
“Just don’t get yourself involved”  
“I **am** already involved”, you faced him and did your best to seem confident.  
“Hazuki-kun already asked me to join the club”, that wasn’t much but it seemed to take him off guard.  
“You?”  
“Yes. Me”, you pulled your chin up.  
“Why would he? You can’t even swim! You won’t be able to swim together with them in a relay. Besides, you’re a woman. With asthma. There’s no way you’d ever keep up with them”  
_Woha there, little boy_ , your eyes widened slightly. You could forgive his rudeness once. But that intentional rudeness was unforgiveable. Anger took over your mind and beat all the reason out of you. He looked down at you. Rin didn’t have any respect for you at all. To him, you were just some little girl, fooling around in her marvellous and pink world.  
Maybe he only said those words because he was afraid of something. Maybe he was afraid of you replacing him.  
“Oh, really?”, your voice was ironic and you glared up at him, putting your hands on your hips. Those who play with fire get burnt.  
And those who let emotions prevail get into hot water.  
“I guess I have no choice but to join the club. And skunk you”, you completely ignored the fact that Haru absolutely didn't want you to join. is lips revealed his sharp teeth when he smiled at you snidely.  
“Bring it on”  
The two of you spent a long time glaring at each other. You tried to seem bigger and more dangerous but that only made him smirk. There was no way he could take someone like you seriously. Not until you speake in his tongue - swimming.  
"By the way, Sena-san, Mami's owner, told me that you had to say something. What is it?", you relaxed a little and looked at him curiously.  
"He told me that you even saw me! Why didn't you just talk to me back then?"  
Your question took him off guard and he frowned in an attempt to sort his thoughts to find the right words. He even avoided your eyes.  
There was no way he could say such a thing in front of Makoto, right?! How could you be so dense?!  
"Nothi-..."  
"Oh, don't give me that!", you scolded him a little and smiled. "Come on now. What is it?"  
That old geezer. Old geezers in general. Why do they have to be so talkative?  
Rin turned his look to Mami who seemd happy about his attention. She showed it by barking again and rubbing her head on his leg. He stroke her head just like he did a few days ago.  
"Just learn to control her", he clicked his tongue. "Then you won't have to heave her out of a pool again"  
"Not that again!", you pouted and shot him a glare. That definitely wasn't what he wanted to tell you. Someone should have punched him for showing it that obviously. You weren't dumb after all.  
"Make sure to tell me when you're ready to talk about it, then, Matsuoka-kun", you smiled at him understandingly.  
If you could see what he saw... Maybe it was because of the moonlight, hitting your profile, making your eyes shine and your lips seem softer and paler but he couldn't help but stop what he was doing. He didn't know what it was but there was something in your eyes that has his attention whenever he looks at you.  
Feeling a strange sensation within his chest, he clicked his tongue again and flashed his eyes at you. Rin knew that it was pointless being angry at you for his own feelings but he felt like blaming someone. If he was to blame himself he wouldn't be able to keep up his poker face and façade.  
"Dunno what you're talking about... idiot"

“Woah… You seem really fired up, [Name]-chan”, Nana chuckled a little and seemed to struggle to keep up with you on your way to school on the next day. The conversation with Rin last night still lingered with you and you couldn’t help but rush towards school to shout at Nagisa to count you in.  
Poor Nana. She had to bear with you early in the morning.  
“So you’re really going to join the swimming club, huh… I can’t imagine you doing something athletic. But you’re missing out on something. The 3rd years of the art club gave a gift to the 1rst years, you know? They are allowed to paint the club room a beautiful blue”, she smiled at you in an attempt to cheer you up but you didn’t notice it.  
“You’re not listening at all!!”, she exclaimed, tore her hair out and sighed. Her voice took you back to earth again and you blinked at her apologetic.  
“Sorry… I don’t know, it’s just…”  
“He really must’ve pissed you off. Well. You better kick his ass, then”  
Oh, you weren’t sure about that. It seemed easy to join the swimming club and learn how to swim last night. However, when you woke up that morning you found yourself regretting your decision.  
There would be water. Water everywhere. But there was no way you’d let Rin look down on you like that.  
“Or, maybe, the water’s going to kick my ass instead”

Since you arrived at school you tried to find Nagisa to tell him that you’d join the club but at the same time you avoided him at all costs. Oh, what a coward you were. Whenever Makoto or Nagisa wanted to talk to you, you excused yourself, saying that you had some serious business to do or Nana would help you out to get away from them. And Haru was avoiding you anyways. Or at least, that's what you thought. Maybe **you** were to one avoiding him. But it couldn’t go on like that.  
“So you’re not sure about it. Thought so. Coward”, Nana teased you when the both of you went to the entrance hall after school to change your shoes and you couldn’t help but sigh.  
“It seemed so easy yesterday!”  
“Because you were pissed off! Of course you’d resolve something you’d regret!”, she chuckled and shook her head a little.  
“This is your last chance for today, you know? They are currently at the swimming pool doing swimming pool-stuff”  
You bit your lower lip and thought about it again. Well, you already said that you would beat Rin. To Rin himself. There was no turning back.  
“Fine”, you sighed and waved at Nana, who congratulated you for actually not being a coward for once.  
“You can do it!! Tell me how it went later! Banzai!!”

“Okay, okay!!”, you exhaled when you opened the door to the pool after you had almost run to it. You panted slightly and stroke a strand of hair behind your ear. You were determined, sure of yourself and ready!  
“I’m joining the-…”  
But when you saw the boys crouching on the dried up pool’s ground you stopped doing whatever you were doing and gasped in horror.  
So much nature. So much work to do. So much cracks to take care of. This was way too exhausting. Too much of an effort. Oh god, no. They actually were restoring the pool themselves.  
“Oh-…”, you gulped and took a few steps back. “Never mind. I… join when you're finished taking care of-…”, you turned around and you were about to leave the pool, when, suddenly, Nagisa stood in front of you. His pink eyes sparkled in excitement, hiding his hands behind his back so you wouldn’t see the dirty gloves which were proof of the hard work he did.  
“So, you’re going to join?!”  
_Wasn’t he in the pool a second ago?!_  
“Awesome! You come along just at the right time!”, Nagisa grabbed your wrist and pulled you towards the pool, forcing you to climb into it. All your protests had no effect.  
“Hey, [Name]-chan”, Makoto chuckled a little and waved at you. His eyes seemed to pity you and you waved back at him hesitantly. Haru didn't even look at you.  
“Here. We need to restore that pool. At first, we take care of the grass”, Nagisa shoved a pair of gloves towards your chest. Great. There was grass everywhere.  
“Uhm-…”  
“Hurry!”

“Just grab it and make sure to take the roots out, too”, Makoto explained, watching you doing as you were told. You grabbed a grass stalk and pulled it out.  
“Like that, right?”  
“Yes, like that. Just take it over to that pile over there”, he pointed at a pile of grass and roots.  
Ever since you told them you’d join the club he smiled that sweet smile of his. You weren’t quite sure why but he seemed happy.  
“So you really joined, huh…”, he murmured absent-mindedly and you nodded.  
“Nagisa’s really happy about it”, he said, trying to focus on his work but he stole a glimpse of your face every now and then.  
“Yes…”, you chuckled a little. Well, it was your own pride and Rin who convinced you in the end. But Nagisa’s puppy eyes played an important part, too.  
“Thank you for joining”, his voice was low, apparently he wanted you to be the only one to hear that. You looked up at him, looked into the green eyes of his which were so gentle and kind. You didn’t know what was going to happen from now on but Makoto’s smile told you that you didn’t have to know. He’d show you that your decision wasn’t one to regret.  
“Hey, Mako-chan, what do we do about the cracks?”, Nagisa suddenly stood behind you and took a short break. He sure knew how to ruin the romance.  
“We have no choice but to buy the equipment and render them, I guess…”, the brunette male sighed a little. He seemed exhausted.  
“What about the color? It chips off…”, you looked at the frustrated blonde.  
“We have to do that by ourselves, too”  
‘A gift from the 3rd years’, you were surprised that you remembered Nana’s words and gasped in realization.  
“Oh! The art club colors the club room. I’m sure that they can give some to us”, you suggested, smiling at Nagisa to give him some courage again.  
“You’re a genius! I’m glad you’re here, [Name]-chan!!!”, Nagisa put his hands in the air and hugged you dearly from behind and nestled up you. You tried your hardest to keep your balance.  
“Careful, Nagisa!”, Makoto scolded him worriedly and grabbed your upper arm in reflex.  
Haru, who too, struggled with the tenacious nature, felt conflicted. He didn't want you to join but he also couldn’t help but smile. On the inside, that is.

“Alright then! I need to go home!”  
“Already? You sure that you don’t just duck out?”, you raised your eyebrows and looked up at Nagisa who started to pout.  
“Whaaaat? Nooo, of course not! I just live far away and I need to get my train!”, you chuckled at the way he said that and waved him good bye.  
After Nagisa had left there was only the three of you. You had worked a few hours but it seemed like you didn’t accomplish anything and you couldn’t help but sigh.  
Both, Makoto and Haru, turned to you. Haru looked at you a little less obvious than Makoto.  
“I guess we should go home, too, hm?”, Makoto smiled at you again. He knew exactly that you were tired so there was no point in hiding it. The sun was setting, too and your aunt probably was worried.  
“Already?”, you asked, blinking the tiredness away.  
“’Already?’, you say but you’re really tired, aren’t you?”, the brunette male couldn’t help but chuckle a little.  
“Come on, let’s go home. Haru, you going with us, too?”  
You stood up and moved your limps to shake them awake and to feel them again. Who would have known that plucking grass would be that exhausting?  
“You can go home. I’ll stay here a little longer…”, well, you could have guessed it. Haru was way too eager to restore that pool so he could swim again. But still, there was no way you could leave Haru behind, right?  
On the other hand... why should you care? You basically told him that you didn't want him to dig his nose into your business, why would you dig yours into his? Makoto sighed but didn’t seem to have any hard feelings about it. Haru was just being Haru.  
“Well, there you have it. Can’t be helped. I hope he won’t overdo it… I’m really tired myself, so…”, Makoto murmured the last part and it seemed like he didn’t want anyone to hear it. But you did. He wanted to go home but not without Haru.  
You thought about something that could help Makoto out but you didn't dare to actually do it. Haru was probably mad at you, you couldn't just act like nothing's happened, right? But you couldn't talk to him about it in front of Makoto either, right? You gathered your courage and sighed in fake disappointment.  
“What a shame… and here I was thinking I could offer some mackerel left-overs to someone”  
Haru’s back was turned towards you but it wasn’t hard to figure that his eyes sparkled and that his Adam’s apple moved when he gulped. After some time, he stood up and rushed past the two of you and left the pool.  
_Wow... he reacted... does that mean that he isn't mad?_ You smiled shyly when Makoto watched Haru leave in surprise. Then he laughed softly and looked at you appreciatively. You sure knew how to handle things. First it was his siblings, then Haru. His respect grew with every second he spent with you.  
“Good job…”

“What?”, you blinked in confusion and looked at the flustered Makoto whose cheeks flushed a little. Haru, who was standing next to him, didn’t care at all about Nagisa’s mail.  
“Uhm… he wrote ‘make sure to ask for her number’”, he repeated himself, his voice turning into a whisper with every word he said.  
“What?!”, you asked again, this time a little louder as realization hit you right in the face. Someone asked for your number? And hot guys at that?! For real?! Was that some kind of dream? Or a sick joke?  
“H-He wrote-…”  
“I know!”, you started laughing when Makoto was about to repeat himself again. Shame took his courage away.  
“’Since [Name]-chan’s a part of our club now’, was what he said”, he explained, rubbing his neck in embarrassment. You couldn’t help but look at Haru, whose eyes were fixed on the sea a few hundred meters in front of your house.  
“Well, it’s okay, I guess?”, you shrugged and smiled a little when you took your phone out of your pocket and exchanged phone numbers with Makoto.  
You wanted to ask Haru for his number but stopped thinking about it. Your words echoed in your mind and guilt started to nag on you. You wanted to apologize so badly but you were so scared to do that. You looked at the raven-haired male who happened to look at you, too. Accidently. Your cheeks flushed at that and you couldn't help but avoid his eyes. That way, you weren't able to see that he was blushing, too.  
“Haru doesn’t use his phone even though he has one”, Makoto read your mind, sighed and gave you Haru’s number. Haru didn’t seem to mind at all.  
“What’s with the mackerel?”, your eyes widened when you realized that you gave Haru an indirect promise. Oh lord. Did you have any mackerel left? You didn’t know!!  
“I-I’ll be back in a second!!”

A relieved sigh escaped your lips when you came out of the shower and you dug yourself into your bed. Luckily, your aunt made some mackerel cakes when you were at school so you could give some to Haru, hoping that it would fit his taste. Your aunt also wasn’t very keen about you joining the swimming club but didn’t try to stop you either. ‘You’re a big girl. But sometimes a dumb big girl, so take care of yourself’, was what she said and the message was clear. ‘Don’t overdo it’  
Your behaviour towards Haru still occupied your thoughts and guilt wouldn't let go of you. You thought about why Haru didn't seem like he was bothered by your reaction and why he was acting like nothing happened. But you just couldn't find an answer. Since your day was exhausting you didn’t take Mami out for a walk as you promised you’d do. You even decided to go to bed early but… nah.  
_'Hey, [Name]-chaaan!! This is Nagisa! Mako-chan gave me your phone number!'_  
Well, you tried to sleep but you took Nagisa’s messages as an excuse to stay up.  
_'I’m so happy that you joined!! Ｏ(≧▽≦)Ｏ_  
I’m sure you won’t regret it! You’ll look great in a swimsuit and I’m sure that the water is going to suit your sex appeal ( ˘ ³˘)❤'  
You blushed slightly at his messages but you knew that he was a goofball and made jokes most of the time.  
_'You’re such a dork. And besides, do you know what time it is?'_ , you chuckled as you looked over to your alarm clock. 10:11.  
_'Don’t act like you intended to go to sleep! (　ﾟдﾟ)'_  
Well, you actually did but you didn’t. Wait. What?  
Just when you were about to write again, his messages didn’t stop coming.  
_'[Name]-chan, now that we’re in the same club you don’t have to call me ‘Hazuki-kun’, okay? Just call me Nagisa._  
Please?'  
There was no emoticon afterwards, which seemed a little strange. Maybe he was really serious about it.  
_'Okay, then. Naigsa'_  
And then he started to snap chat. A picture of him winking at the camera and doing a ‘thumps up’. Apparently even Iwatobi knew about snap chat.  
_'Good job!'_  
And then there was another one, showing him yawn.  
_'But I think I’m going to bed now. It was an exhausting day after all!! Good night, [Name]-chan!'_  
Another one. His expression was serious and, despite the smile, there was something different about him. His pink eyes seemed a little darker, more serious and his smile didn’t seem that innocent anymore. Well, you were tired, it must have been your imagination. You didn’t think about it any longer and wrote him a ‘Good night!’  
_'That’s no good, [Name]-chan! You need to send me a picture, too! (;*△*;)' >/em>_  
You couldn’t help but laugh under your breath. How should you do that? Were you really that photogenic?  
You held your phone above your lying head and smiled slightly. On that picture you seemed really tired. Your eyes were a little red, half open and your smile was weak but gentle, at least you hoped it was.  
‘Good night!’, you tried it again.  
There was no answer after that. Someone other texted you instead.  
_'Good evening, [Name]-chan! I’m sorry for writing you at this hour!'_  
You looked over to your alarm clock again. 10:35  
_'Ran and Ren asked me about you so I said that we exchanged numbers. They won’t stop asking me to text you'_  
Another cutie send you messages and you couldn’t stop chuckling. You felt a strange but warm sensation within your belly. Was it because you got text messages from people you exchanged numbers with only a few hours ago?  
_'It’s okay'_  
_'Did I wake you? ( ；´Д｀)'_  
_'No, no, I wasn’t asleep.'_  
The next message was a picture again. Apparently even Makoto used it. It wasn’t a picture of him, though, but of Ran. She smiled somewhat cheekily.  
_'Hey, [Name]-oneechan! I took oniichan’s phone away! I’m going to chat with you now!'_  
The next picture was of Ren, who seemed a little shy.  
_'Me too!!'_  
Aw god, they were just too cute!  
_'We want to talk to you again!'_ , was the next message, a picture of the twins pouting. Apparently Makoto started to take pictures for them.  
_'We can talk anytime, you two. But first: Don’t you have to be in bed already?'_  
The next picture showed their ‘mature’ and ‘proud’ faces, telling you that they were already ‘old enough to stay up’. But they seemed to get tired soon so they sent you a picture on which they were rubbing their tired eyes and wished you a good night.  
_'I’m sorry, [Name]-chan (-｡-;" '_  
Makoto got his phone back.  
_'Don’t worry about it. They are really cute and I enjoy talking to them!'_  
_'Really? That’s good! They seem to be attached to you, too!'_  
Makoto, too, then sent you a picture of him smiling gently and waving at the camera.  
_'I’m going to bed now. Good night, [Name]-chan!'_  
You thought about the snap chat with Nagisa and sent him a picture of you, too. Again you smiled tiredly at the camera. You decided to send another picture to Haru. You didn’t know whether he’d care or not but trying it couldn’t hurt, right?

There was no answer of neither of them.  
Well, how could you know that your messy hair, your tired eyes and your soft smile would stir up those guys that badly that they were too flustered to write you back?

Maybe some of them had their hands too full to answer you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not leaving a proper Note but somehow something is screwing with this chapter's formation D=  
> I try fixing it.  
> I hope you enjoyed it anyway, feel free to leave a comment and take care of yourself!


	8. He, hurting you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Since your asthma got worse gradually in Tokyo, you returned to Iwatobi, your hometown and started living with your aunt.  
> Sports was always something you weren't able to enjoy. And being afraid of the water, swimming was never an option.  
> When you meet the swimming boys, you couldn't help but think of them as hot and unapproachable. However, you soon get dragged into their business and become the most important person to them.  
> A person who'd not only see the water's surface but beneath it
> 
> (Re-upload, coming from Quotev)

Sleep is something you only cherish when it’s over. No one knew that better than you when your phone rang.  
You grumbled the song of the morning grouches, reached out for your phone and you tapped on it to shut the music off, thinking it was an alarm clock.  
Well, it was your free day, which meant no school. So you had plenty of time to sleep.  
And then your phone rang again.  
When you recognized your ringtone you sat up, grabbed it and grumbled something that was something like ‘What time is it?’  
“Uh… [Name]-chan”, you gasped pretty often ever since you met the swimming boys but this gasp was probably the most startled, embarrassed and guilty gasp so far.  
Makoto was on the phone and you greeted him in the worst way possible. Your embarrassement was beyond meassure.  
“O-Oh god, Tachibana-kun, I’m _sososo_ sorry! I-…”  
“I woke you up, didn’t I?”, his voice was soft and you thought that there was a hint of a chuckle in it. You wanted to deny it to seem polite but he cut you off.  
“Your voice is still sleepy…”, when he heard your grumbling he didn’t feel offended at all. Quite the contrary. He was glad that you were honest and he thought of it as rather cute. To him, your murmur was heart-melting and he could start getting used to it.  
Well, he was a big brother after all. He was used to such noises.  
“Nagisa asked Miss Ama-chan if she could drive us to the store. She said yes. We’re currently on our way to your house to pick you up and meet up with them”  
You screamed internally and gulped.  
Even though you knew it was a bad idea, you looked into the mirror of your wardrobe. Your hair was messy as hell, you looked like someone who just woke up from a seven month’s sleep and the collar of your pyjama shirt found its way down your shoulder. There was no way you'd be ready in a few minutes.  
“We’ll be there in… around 10 minutes?”  
This time, you died internally and looked at the clock. 7:00. How were you supposed to get ready in 10 minutes?!  
_Nonono._  
When you were about to jump out of the bed, your foot got caught in your blanked and you fell out of bed with the most surprised grunt you’ve ever heard.  
“[Name]-chan?!”, you could hear Makoto’s worried shout from your phone.  
“Give me… a second or two…”

 

„Woah! Are you serious?! You really really joined the club?! Like… really _really_ **really**?!”  
Nana was pretty energetic even though it was early in the morning when you phoned her after Makoto woke you. However, she also was about to panic and worried as hell. You couldn’t blame her. Of course she’d be scared for you.  
You decided not to tell her that you exchanged numbers with Makoto and focused on soothing her.  
“I-… I mean… are you really okay with that? You know… I-I mean…”  
“Nana…”, you sighed as you rummaged around your closet to find some casual clothes.  
“I know what you mean and… I don’t know. Maybe I’m okay with that, maybe I’m not. Only time will tell”  
“But... [Name]-chan…”, her voice was low and it was almost impossible to understand her.  
No. You sure couldn’t blame her. She was the one who saved you from drowning when you were little after all. It must have traumatized her.  
“Do you even remember?”, Nana suddenly asked, her voice shook a little. She probably was on the verge of tears and you stopped looking for a skirt which would fit to your favourite shirt.  
“Remember what?”  
“That incident… back then during your first swimming lesson”  
All those screaming children came back to your mind. The cries and tears you could hear and see even though you were under water, not being able to get up and breathe again. At the same time, the water enveloped you, filled your nose, your ears and your mouth as the water muffled your desperate screams.  
You couldn’t tell what you felt or thought. Maybe your head was just blank and you screamed because of the shock and not because you knew what would happen if you wouldn’t be saved soon.  
“[Name]-chan?”, you gasped a little when you realized that it was all in the past and chuckled in an desperate attempt to shake the fear off. Your voice shook.  
“Well. I fell into the pool. That’s the whole story.”  
“Yeah… well… do you remember when, where and why it happened?”, you could hear her gulp at the other end of the phone and you hesitated. You haven’t thought about the details. The frightening memories were already too much to take, you didn’t want to think of the whens, wheres and whys.  
“It was at Iwatobi’s swimming club in your first year of elementary school. I joined earlier than you did and was excited when you joined”, you didn’t know why she would talk about it all of a sudden but she seemed serious so you listened.  
It wasn’t much of a surprise to you that you attended Iwatobi’s swim club. You were born here and spent your childhood here after all.  
“Iwatobi’s swim club…”, you repeated, lost in thoughts.  
“Right. That building will be pulled down soon”  
Suddenly the pictures of that creepy looking child came back to your mind and you gasped again.  
“That building?! I’ve met that Rin-guy at that place!”  
“Right. Nanase-senpai and Tachibana-senpai attended that swim club, too. Along with us. Well, you suffered a trauma. Your aunt told us that your memory loss was some kind of protective mechanism. No wonder you can’t remember”  
Even though Nana told you about that incident, you couldn’t remember or understand what she was saying.  
But you understood one thing: You’ve met Haru and Makoto before you moved to Iwatobi. How could you forget about that? And why didn't you remember their faces or names? Well, maybe you didn't speak to Makoto - that was quite possible. But you knew Haru even before you joined the Swim Club. How could you forget about him?  
“Are you alright, [Name]-chan? They also-…”, you looked at the time. 7:10.  
“This is bad! Sorry, Nana-chan but the guys, Miss Ama-chan and I need to go to the store, get some equipment to restore our pool! Later!”  
"Woah, wait, I need to-...!!"  
You wanted to hear what she had to say really badly but it couln’t be helped. You really needed to get ready.

 

“[Name]-chaaaaan! Your boyfriends are here to pick you up”  
A sigh of despair left your throat and you grabbed the skirt you was looking for.  
“Coming!”, well, that wasn’t the truth since you only got dressed, but, oh well.  
“No, you’re no-ooot!”, you heard your aunt chuckle downstairs and your imagination went wild with embarrassing things she talked about.  
You were sure that they could hear the loud stomps when you rushed towards the bathroom to brush your teeth. You almost tripped when you slid down the stairs and you could hear Makoto gasp in worry.  
“Well”, there was a short ‘Biep’, “you could do better”, your aunt held a stopwatch in her hand and you couldn’t help but sigh. She was sitting in the living room, together with the boys and was looking at some old pictures you haven't seen in years.  
“Oh, no! Are you showing them some embarrassing pictures?! Aunty?!”, you stomped towards the couch and looked over her shoulder. It was an old picture from your first year at Iwatobi’s elementary school. Your child-self stood somewhere on the right between two girls.  
“No! No, I didn’t! My existence’s purpose isn’t only to embarrass you, you know! I just thought that Haru-kun would like to see some old pictures of you again and Tachibana-kun wanted to see them, too”  
At the mention of his name, Makoto looked at you, smiling shyly. He didn’t want you to see that he was thinking about the connection between Haru and you.  
“Sorry, but we really need to go!”, since you were sure that aunty would tell them some embarrassing stories if you wouldn’t leave soon you urged them to get ready to leave.  
“Geez… at least, comb your hair, will you? Ah… wait, look what I found”, fished something out of her pocket and showed you a keychain on which an anemone fish was dangling. It looked old and a little wrecked but that didn’t change the fact that you were glad to see it again.  
“Oh my **god**!”, you squealed as you remembered your love towards that fish. You remembered bathing with it (that was a dumb idea, yes), playing with it and acting like you were some diver, observing fishes. That was some time ago when you weren’t afraid of the water.  
It was the only good memory you had of Iwatobi’s swim club. When you saw it again, there was a warm feeling within your belly but you couldn't quite tell why. Maybe it was due to a memory you've already forgotten a long time ago.  
When Makoto saw that keychain his eyes widened for a moment and he parted his lips but he prevented himself from saying something just in time. He exchanged looks with Haru but looked down soon after.  
He thought about those tears the girl had cried back then. She was slightly bigger than him and rubbed her red eyes her voice cracked when she said something about not wanting to leave.  
“Makoto”  
“Tachibana-kun?”  
That girl from his past was smaller than him now. She looked tough but frail and didn’t look like she’d cry in public anymore. She’d changed and he felt lonely when he noticed that he never knew her at all. Who was he to say that she’d changed?  
The only proof of their encounter were those Iwatobi keychains and a pleasant and warm feeling within his chest.  
“Yeah, let’s go”  
You were too much in a hurry to think about that important information you gathered that morning. But they'll catch up to you eventually, you'd see.

 

“Urgh”, you made an ugly sound when Haru and Makoto got into the small car and smushed you in between.  
“I’m so sorry, [Name]-chan but my car is just way too small…”  
You tried your hardest to take as less space in as possible but it was no good. Those boys were just too big and too broad.  
“Sorry, [Name]-chan. Are you alright?”, big Makoto asked and had a deep frown of worry on his face. Haru, too, frowned at your attempts to make some space and pressed himself onto the car’s door. However, it seemed like he did so because he didn’t want to come in contact with you, not because he wanted you to feel comfortable.  
“I feel like canned fish…”, you panted slightly, exhausted and tired. Haru gulped at your words. He probably was thinking about mackerel again.  
“Just like a mackerel stuffed into a can along with two other really, really big mackerels”  
“I’m so sorry”, Makoto seemed to understand your allusion and felt guilty.

 

“This way, [Name]-chan!”, Nagisa grabbed your arm and rushed towards ‘Iwatobi’s Dolphins’, leaving Haru, Makoto and Miss Ama-chan behind as soon as you left the car.  
“Hey, Hazuki-kun, I won’t run away, you know?”, you chuckled a little at his eagerness and tried to keep up with him.  
The blonde male didn’t let you go and you remembered that moment when he held onto you and tried to convince you to join the club. He seemed really desperate back than and it seemed like that desperation hasn’t ceased.  
“What did I tell you about calling me ‘Hazuki-kun’?”, his pink orbs pierced you and he didn’t seem like the good old Nagisa anymore. Either he was upset or very, very serious. You couldn't tell but it gave you goosebumps, seeing Nagisa looking at you like that. It felt like he had to say something very important. With his body, not with words.  
“Uhm… N-Nagisa… then”, you felt your cheeks flush a little. Calling him by his first name was one reason, being looked at like that was another.  
You didn’t notice that Makoto was watching you, lost in thoughts.  
Why did you call Haru and Nagisa by their first names but Makoto not?  
However, that wasn’t the only thing on his mind. It was the anemone fish dangling from your purse. 

Spending time like this with classmates… you weren’t sure whether this was some kind of sick joke or not, at first. Being popular in Tokyo was harder so it surprised you every time when you saw those boys treating you so casually. Like you were one of them. Well, Haru was the only one who didn’t treat you like that. Even though you were supposed to know him even longer than the others, he was the one to give you the cold shoulder.  
He hated the fact that you had joined the swim club.  
“[Name]-chan?”  
You looked at Nagisa, a little surprised since you didn’t hear him talk at all.  
“Are you okay?”  
“Uhm… yeah… I’m just glad that I’m here with all of you”, you said, somewhat shyly and sheepishly, shrinking a little in an attempt to be invisible. Nagisa’s face lit up at that and he couldn’t help but fling his arms around your neck.  
“[Name]-chan!!!”  
Seeing Nagisa that happy, Makoto knew that it was the right choice to have you by their side. For Nagisa’s sake.  
Well, that was the excuse he used.

 

Time went by so fast and when Miss Ama-chan took you back home you felt a little sad. It’s not like it was a farewell forever but it was only noon and you wished you could spend more time with the guys.  
“See you, [Name]-chan!!”, you waved at Makoto and Haru who’d brought you home. You took some equipment and color(you bought it just in case) out of Makoto’s hand so he wouldn’t be the only one dragging those things home. He said he was okay, at first, but when he noticed that it was pointless to defy your puppy eyes, he smiled gently and thanked you.  
Just when you were about to enter the building, you heard a voice.  
“Hohoho. You’re a popular girl, aren’t you?”  
“Sena-san?!”, you didn’t know how, but your neighbour seemed like that kind of type who’d know more about you than you about yourself. He’d appear anywhere and everywhere just like Mami, who greeted you with a pleased bark.  
“Yes, that’s me”, he laughed again. He held a Tupperware container in his hands and it seemed like it was filled with cookies.  
“I just wanted to come over and bring some homemade cookies to my cute neighbours”  
“Oh, why, thank you!”  
_COOKIES!!_  
“Well, I also wanted to ask you a favour…”  
“Anything!”  
_COOKIES!!_  
“Could you please bring another box to my grandson? You know, he’s attending Samezuka’s academy. I always take Mami there”, he explained and his eyes seemed so frail and gentle that it was heart-wrenching, seeing him hold those heavy Tupperware containers.  
“Okay. I’ll be back in a second”  
You told your aunty about your ‘date’ with the boys and left the equipment at home.  
“I’m going to jog a little with Mami, aunty”, you shouted so she could hear you downstairs while you changed your clothes. You got into your comfy sweatpants and a pullover to keep you warm.  
“Hmm”, she munched on some of the cookies you got from Sena and looked at you. You didn’t know how she got upstairs that fast.  
“Well, building up some stamina can’t hurt. Make sure to take your phone with you! And your inhaler. And don’t overdo it! And-…”  
“Bye, aunty, love ya!”

 

“Here, the cookies. Take care! Oh, and his Name is Nitori Aiichirou!”  
“Kay, I’ll be on my way then!”  
Of course, you took Mami with you. She was eager to jog along with you and visit her beloved owner’s grandson. You looked silly, holding the cookie box in your hands while jogging and you seemed like some kind of delivery girl but you didn’t care.  
You enjoyed the fresh air, the wave’s murmur and the birds chirping and thought about the boys, the swim club and yourself.  
You looked at the sea next to you, there were some islands in the distance but nothing other than that. Only water.  
A lot of moody water.  
There was a chest tightness and you started to pant a little heavier. Sooner or later you’d had to swim whether you liked it or not.  
But neither ‘Sooner’ nor ‘later’ meant ‘Right now’ so you relaxed a little and your thoughts drifted off to your old swimsuits from elementary school. You wouldn’t fit in those anymore, that’s for sure. Which meant: Shopping. But what kind of swimsuit would be fitting?  
You thought about asking Haru, Makoto and Nagisa or Nana later.  
But then... Haru probably didn't want to help you with anything.

 

“Wow”, you panted slightly, looking at the sign that said ‘Samezuka Academy’. Of course you didn’t jog all the way, that would have been way too hardcore for your lungs, but you still were out of breath.  
“It looks different, somehow”, you mumbled to yourself, looking at Mami who’d know the academy like her own pawn. Your first time visiting Samezuka was during night time. No wonder it looked different in daylight.  
“Kay, Mami. Lead me to Nitori-kun, will you?”, the black dog barked happily and trotted next to you. Apparently Sena told her to behave herself on the school’s ground, which wasn’t bad. You were glad that she didn't run off on her own for once.  
The piece of ground was way too big and you got lost within a second. Well, you could see the school building and the natatorium from last time but you didn’t find the exit anymore. Let alone that Nitori-guy.  
You couldn’t help but sigh.  
“Woah. Look. Is that a girl?”, there were some voices behind your back. They didn’t even care whether you could hear them or not. Maybe they even wanted you to hear them.  
“Hey! Excuse me! Cutie!“  
_Urgh. Not goody_ , you decided to keep on walking. You didn't know for sure whether they meant you or not but you had the feeling that it would end up bad if you wouldn't hurry up and leave.  
Rin told you that it was a boys school only. Those boys don't talk to girls much, huh.  
“Hey! I’m talking to you!”  
You walked faster.  
“I said “Hey”, you deaf or something?”  
“Sorry, but I need to-…”, he brushed your attempt of getting away off and caught up to you, blocking your way.  
“Feeeew, look at that guurl”, when you looked up at the two boys, they cheered and exchanged looks.  
Two boys. Why did the always had to group up on a single girl? How much of a coward could they be? Well, that's what you thought but you didn't feel as confident.  
Especially not when he got closer and leaned down so he could look you right in the eyes.  
You could feel your heart pound and fear was numbing your limbs.  
“What’s a girl like you doing here, huh…?”  
You stepped back and wanted to walk past him, however, the other boy blocked your way.  
"What's the hu-...?"  
“What the hell…”, when the boy was about to grab your arm, there was another voice, making the two males flinch slightly.  
_Uh-oh_ , you recognized that voice in an instant. There was no way you’d forget that annoying, growling voice. For a moment, you didn't know which was worse. Those two boys or the other one, coming closer.  
“What the hell are you doing here?”, Rin walked towards you and the guys and grabbed your arm. You felt intimidated by the sudden touch and winced. Mami, however, greeted him with a lively bark.  
His eyes glowed with anger for some time but then his look grew a little... gentle. He looked like he couldn’t hurt a fly. Well, you knew better.  
“You shouldn’t come here on your own, how often do I have to tell you that, [Name]?”, he sighed heavily as if he pitied you for your stupidity, his face showing worried disappointment.  
How could he say your first name so casually? You couldn’t remember being ever so close to him!  
You had no frigging idea what was going on and the situation left you dumbfounded.  
“I also told you that there were some megahorny guys at Samezuka’s who wouldn’t flinch from jumping my cute girlfriend, right?”, he pulled you closer to him and you couldn’t help but gulp. Your eyes went wide with every muscle he moved and you could feel your heart, pounding within your mouth. It felt like his red eyes left burning marks on your skin. Your cheeks flushed.  
_What the hell is going on?! Girlfriend?!_  
One of the boys groaned.  
“She’s got a boyfriend. Come on, let’s go”  
“B-boyf-…”, right before you could get into hot water, Rin glared at the boys and told them to get lost. Which they did. It wasn’t much of a surprise since Rin’s red eyes, glowing with anger, made everyone’s blood run cold.  
The silence afterwards was just awful and you thought you could hear your blood rush through your body. Your heart pounded and you felt like fainting.  
“U-Uhm… thank you, I guess”, you whispered, still flustered, your cheeks still bright red and tried to pull away from him – to no avail. He didn't let go and didn't look at you, not until those boys were out of his sight.  
Rin didn't save you because he was a good Samaritan, that's for sure.  
“Matsuoka-kun? I-I joined the swimming club...”, you said, hoping to start a conversation or make him let you go, at least. You tried to loosen his grip around your arm by moving but he didn’t let go.  
Rin just turned to you, staring at you with the same expression he had routed those guys with. He didn’t even try to hide his hatred towards you. Apparently, he was displeased by the fact that you became teammates with Haru, Makoto and Nagisa.  
But you wouldn't let yourself get intimidated by him again.  
Rin saw your confident look and remembered your scared one when you had to get Mami out of the pool. You changed a little, he could tell that much. But only a little. You were still the same clumsy scaredy cat he had met.  
“Why are you here? Are Haru and the others here, too?”, all the blood from your cheeks drained and your face went pale when he spoke in a gruff way. It didn't matter what you said, he always got it the wrong way and talked about 'Haru  & the others'.  
“What? No! I came her on my own! Well, with Mami”, you furled your eyebrows and you felt like glaring at him. He returned your look and tightened his grip to the point that a sharp pain run through your arm. You hissed, racked with pain.  
“Why are you here, then? To do the dirty work for them and spy on me?”  
_What the hell? That guy is paranoid!_  
His fingers dug into the sleeve of your pullover, squeezing your bones. You couldn’t help but bite your lips at the pain.  
It was even worse than Nagisa's grip.  
“I’m here to bring some cookies to that Nitori-person! Don’t make me the traget for your hatred towards the other boys! I’ve got nothing to do with your conflicts!”, you protested and tried to loosen his grip by moving your arm again. But it wasn’t effective. The only thing that came out of it was pain.  
“Weren’t you the one who said she’s already involved?”  
He was right. But you didn’t want to admit that. If you got involved with their wishes and feelings, you also got involved with their conflicts. You couldn’t be half-hearted about it and you knew it.  
“Fine! I am involved, whatever! But I’m a bystander, impartial, okay? I’m not interested in putting up a fight or in lecturing you, so could you please let me go now?”, you raised your voice and put as much confidence as you could in it. But he didn’t flinch, he didn’t move. You had no idea why he despised you so much and made it that clear all of a sudden.  
Mami began to bark at Rin but it just wasn’t like her to attack people. She might have been just as scared as you were, seeing that Rin she liked that much like that.  
“What else do you want, then?! Why did you get that close to them?! Why did you join the club?!”, he didn't expect you to actually join the club, it seemed.  
But you were sick of people telling you what to do. Haru didn't have the right to tell you to not join the club and Rin also didn't.  
“Wh-Why? ‘Cuz it’s my decision to make!!”, you were stunned. Why did he care all of a sudden?  
“You don’t know shit about them, you’re scared shitless when it comes to water, why the fuck did you join the club?!”  
Your heart jumped in shock, your eyes widened and you felt yourself being exposed to him with every second he looked at you. It wasn’t something pleasant. It felt like he’d take advantage of the knowledge he had without any hesitation. Besides that, he was right. You didn’t know the Iwatobi guys for a long time so there was no way you could be close to them. But then, it was them who reached out to you, right?  
“Hey!! The hell are you doing, you idiot?! You want me to report you to the rector, huh?!”  
Your heart grew heavy when you heard another boy’s voice. The stranger interrupted something important but maybe it was for the best.  
“That’s right! You should not treat a girl like that!”, there was another voice, much gentler and softer than the other one, maybe even feminine. That poor guy must have missed out on puberty.  
The maroon-haired male glared at you for a while before he turned to the other boys and let go of your arm.  
The afterpain was breathtaking and you felt like you couldn't move your arm at all.  
"Matsuoka-senpai?!", there was a surprised scream, coming from that boy with the gentle voice but you didn't pay much attention.  
Your underarm throbbed and prickled with pain. It felt hot and you hoped that there wouldn’t be any bruises or swelling.  
When you looked up, there was a red-haired male, even bigger than Makoto and a smaller, grey-haired boy.  
The sexy heroes of Samezuka.  
“And you!”, the taller one stepped towards you, a grim look on his face, his voice harsh.  
_Oh gawd._  
He stopped right in front of you and you thought your neck would turn stiff from gazing up to him. His golden eyes’ stare felt hot and embarrassing and you couldn’t help but gulp.  
_I’m gonna die._  
“A cute girl like you shouldn’t run around on an all-boys school’s ground, you know”, and then, his voice turned gentle, he looked at you with a soft smile and you felt like you found your long lost older brother. He was so handsome that it wouldn’t be much of a surprise if he belonged into a manga or something like that.  
“Mami!!”, luckily, there was that grey-haired male who loosened the atmosphere and ran towards the black dog, hugging her dearly and petting her head.  
“What are you doing here?”  
Well. It seemed like you found that Nitori-guy.  
“Excuse me? You’re Nitori-kun, right? I’m [Lastname] [Name], the neighbour of your grandfather and a 2nd year at Iwatobi’s. He told me to bring you some cookies”, Aiichirou smiled at you brightly and took the box out of your hand, thanking you from the bottom of his heart. He seemed so adorable and innocent. (How would you know that there was a dirty book in his room).  
“Thank you so much, [Lastname]-senpai!”, the red-hair only stared at you, his cheeks blushing gradually before he started talking again.  
“Woah… hold on a second... You are cute”, your face flushed a little and you chuckled awkwardly.  
_Please… no I can’t handle that._  
Wait. They saved you from Rin. There was no time to be embarrassed!  
“Oh… right. Thank you for saving me!”  
“Don’t sweat it. Name’s Mikoshiba Seijuurou, a 3rd year and the swimming club’s captain!”, he said, pointing proudly at his broad chest. So he was a swimmer, too.  
“I’m, too, at the club!”, Nitori cheered and you couldn’t help but smile. They didn’t seem that bad.  
Rin, however, held himself back and glared at you and the guys. There was no way you’d ever figure him out. Trying to talk to him calmly was futile, it seemed, so you didn’t pay much attention to him. But you couldn’t forget his painful grip on your arm either.  
You didn’t know what to say. Were you ready to consider yourself as an official member of the Iwatobi’s Swim Club? Well, you were a member, right?  
“Me… too. A-At Iwatobi’s, I mean. We have a Swim Club, too”  
“You, too?!”, both of them exclaimed, intervening your personal space, shoving both their faces into yours and you felt uncomfortable but tried to keep on smiling.  
“Y-Yeah-…”, you shielded your hurt arm on reflex when they got closer and Seijuurou noticed that.  
“Uh, right! How’s your arm?”, Seijuurou didn’t wait for you to finish your sentence, reached out for your hand and touched your fingertips with his.  
His touch felt so gentle in comparison to Rin’s that you felt at ease. You didn’t know why you didn’t pull your arm back and said that it was nothing. Maybe it was because he seemed like a good guy, someone trustworthy. Someone who wouldn't accept a 'I'm fine' anyway.  
He pulled your sleeve up carefully, however, he couldn’t prevent the pain it was giving you.  
“Oh god… It looks painful...”, Nitori bit his lip as if he was feeling the pain himself when he looked at the bruises which had the shape of fingers. Your arm was red and began to swell.  
“It’s nothing, really”, even Rin looked at your half-hearted smile and frowned. He wasn’t really interested but he couldn’t keep himself from looking.  
He remembered your cheerful voice when you told him about your childhood, walking along the beach. He remembered you worrying about him. Maybe there was a slight feeling of guilt within his chest. Maybe. Maybe a tiny weeny bit.  
“That doesn’t look like nothing, does it?”, the giant frowned at you and sighed.  
“You don’t need to act all high and mighty. Maybe you’re strong but you’re a girl on the inside after all. Let yourself be treated like a princess for once, will you?”, this time, he grinned at you confidently and it was surprising how deep his words were. He looked like an idiot but he probably was the most considerate person on this planet.  
You couldn’t help but stop and stare at him like you saw a unicorn for the first time.  
“Right. Just take it as a ‘Thank you’ for bringing me those cookies. We’ll take you to the infirmary”  
Rin turned away silently and left. He hadn’t said a word and let those idiots be idiots.  
Why would he care, anyway? 

_“Does it hurt? Don’t you dare lie to me!”, his golden eyes were so gentle, you didn’t even think of lying._  
“Yeah…”, your arm protested whenever something touched it slightly and the ice on your sleeve felt pleasant but also heavy and painful. You snuggled yourself into the sheets of the bed, hoping you’d escape the pain that way. You haven’t realized how painful it was. Not until you lied on the bed and felt like relaxing.  
“I’m sorry…”, Seijuurou sighed and patted your head gently.  
“Boys can be… you know… total idiots”  
“Don’t apologize”, you did your best to smile softly to encourage him.  
Your thoughts still lingered with Rin. You thought about his mad look, his blazing eyes and his overwhelming strength. Maybe he actually had a good reason for confronting you like that. But maybe it wasn’t good enough.  
“It’s not your fault, Mikoshiba-senpai”  
His soft expression made your eyes tear up a little. It was like his face makes people cry and accept their weaknesses without hesitation. You began to understand why he was the captain of the swimming club. He was a little like Makoto but also so different.  
Sometimes, there are people whose faces scream ‘trustworthy’ with every fiber.  
“Thank you, [Name]-kun”  
You didn’t know why he treated you that gently but there was no point in questioning it. You already knew that Iwatobi’s people were more warmhearted than those in Tokyo. They took the time to care – it’s as simple as that.  
“Hello, [Lastname]-senpai. How are you feeling?”, Nitori entered the infirmary and had a sympathetic look on his face. Your arm was hurting, but you couldn’t yammer about it, right?  
“It’s getting better, thanks”  
“Thank god… I’m sorry… if you hadn’t brought the cookies, you wouldn’t have-…”  
“Never mind that, Nitori-kun. It’s already in the past, right?”  
Aiichirou looked at you, showing you a gentle smile. You seemed like someone who wouldn’t admit that she’s in need. Your eyes were fascinating to him and he sure didn’t try to hide it like Seijuurou did.  
“[Lastname]-senpai…”, forcing himself to forget about your eyes for a second, his eyes clouded and he showed his honest guilt.  
“Please, don’t take offense at Matsuoka-senpai’s behaviour. He’s… not a bad person…”  
“Not a bad person? Even if you say that, you saw that bruise he gave her, right? It’s not normal, treating a girl like that”, the red-hair’s temperament ran riot and he raised his voice as soon as Nitori started talking.  
“But-…!”  
“No, I definitely won't forgiving him”, Seijuurou crossed his arms in stubborn protest and glared at the smaller one who almost shrunk, intimidated. Nitori looked at you, seeking for help and you sighed through your nose. When he noticed your hesitation, Aiichirou did his best to put as much determination in his voice as he could, when he said:  
“That’s fine! It’s [Lastname]-senpai who needs to forgive him in the first place!”  
Wow. That was way too much responsibility than you could handle. Forgiving someone who'd hurt you without any reason wasn't that easy. You didn't want to think about it at that moment.  
“Uhm… guys…?”, you wanted to loosen the situation a little but didn't know how.  
Mikoshiba sighed heavily and rubbed his neck in mental exhaustion. Who could ever defy Nitori’s eyes?  
“Club activities are going to start. I need to go now”, he said, giving you a gentle smile.  
“Be careful next time!”, the grey-haired boy bowed slightly and bid you goodbye.  
“Uh. Thank you!”, you said again, knowing that a simple ‘Thank you’ wouldn’t be enough. Seijuro grinned brightly.  
“Thank me with those homemade cookies of yours!”  
_That's a big misunderstanding right here..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter!  
> It's not part of the main story but important!  
> This chapter is for all of those, who love Sei and Ai just as much as I do <3 Reader-chan met them for the first time and is going to meet them more often from now on, so be prepared!  
> Since it's only some kind of special chapter, it's somewhat calm but I felt like putting Rin in. =3 I hope that you enjoyed it anyway!  
> I do my best to finish the next chapter sooner - don't know why but it takes me a long time to write them


	9. You, like sugar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Since your asthma got worse gradually in Tokyo, you returned to Iwatobi, your hometown and started living with your aunt.  
>  Sports was always something you weren't able to enjoy. And being afraid of the water, swimming was never an option.  
>  When you meet the swimming boys, you couldn't help but think of them as hot and unapproachable. However, you soon get dragged into their business and become the most important person to them.  
>  A person who'd not only see the water's surface but beneath it
> 
> (Re-upload, coming from Quotev)

„Woah. It smells delicious!“, your aunt cheered, folding her hands in awe as she saw you, backing some cookies.  
“Are those for your boyfriends?”, you snorted and glared at her.   
Couldn’t she just stop that? They were not your boyfriends and you were not a bigamist who had a harem. Having a harem wouldn't be bad but you didn't have one!  
“No…”, you didn’t tell your aunt anything about yesterday’s incident because you knew that she would care for Rin’s disappearance. That’s why you hid the bruises from her.  
“Oh~? What are they for, then?”, she asked, taking a cookie from the cookie box and munched on it.  
“For someone who helped me…”, you said, sheepishly, hoping she would leave it at that. But she was your aunt after all.   
Right before she could say something, you cleared your throat.  
“Aunty… Supposing there’s some guy who hated your friends but was friends with them himself in the past. If he would confront you whenever he sees you because he ties you to said friends… what would you do?”  
“Pff”, she huffed angrily and took another cookie.  
“I wouldn’t get near him, obviously”  
That was it. Why would you get near Rin? Why would you get involved with him? Haru, Makoto and Nagisa were your classmates, not Rin.  
No. You knew why you got involved with Rin.  
“But this guy is really important to your friends. They want him back and you want to help out...”  
“Wow, you always get yourself involved into weird stuff, honey”, she sighed and thought about it for a while.  
“Well… if you really want to help out, there’s no helping it. Don’t let him shake you off that easily”, you knew that she already figured out that it was about yourself. She never falls for your ‘Supposing there is…’ stories.  
“That guy…”, she chewed and swallowed.  
“… did he do something to you?”, you jerked heavily and looked at her with the most shocked look she'd ever seen. She’d figure it out sooner or later anyway, there was no point in hiding something from her in the first place. But you absolutely didn’t want her to know.   
“Tell me”, she said, helping you out with shaping the dough.  
“I met that one guy yesterday. He got angry, thinking I’d spy on him for my friends and grabbed my arm”, you remembered his steely grip and how helpless you felt.  
“It’s nothing, really… but he got angry just like that… it’s… kinda unfair. I don’t even know what his problem is…”, you sighed, thinking way too much about those things again, getting involved into stuff you'd better keep your nose out of.  
“Well”, your aunty chewed on another cookie.  
“He’s not going to have any problems when I’m finished with him”, she suddenly took your hands, searching for the bruises.   
You wanted to pull away, but the pain it caused was breathtaking.  
When she found them, her eyes got dark and icy. Your arm looked even worse than yesterday. It was bruised all over, swollen and red. You were glad it wasn't broken but maybe it wouldn't hurt that badly if it was.  
“Why didn’t you tell me?”, her icy eyes met yours and you felt like you were looking into Rin’s eyes again. She was mad at you.  
When you didn’t answer right away she got a salve and bandage to treat your swollen and bruised arm.  
“I’m sorry…”, you felt guilty. It wasn’t like her to get that silent and you soon understood that it was her way of showing anger. You pitied whoever the target of her hatred was, hoping it wasn't you in particular.  
The cold salve felt good on your hot skin, however, her touch hurt, even though she did her best to touch you slightly.  
“Make sure to tell me such a thing sooner, you dweeb”, she finished bandaging your underarm and took another cookie.  
“And favour your arm, honey”, even though her words were gentle, you knew that there was something raging inside her mind. You hoped that she wouldn’t get to know Rin. She’d probably slap him right away. Or even worse.  
You were glad to feel your phone buzz in your pocket, keeping on talking to your aunt would be awkward as hell. She'd probably ask for Rin's name, his address and would google 'How to get rid of a corpse'.  
You didn’t know what to say to your aunt. Maybe it would have been a bad idea to talk to her anyway at that moment.  
“Hey, Ha-… Nagisa”, you greeted him cheerfully, brushing off all the memories from the day before and ignoring your auntie's glare.  
“[Name]-chan!! It’s soooo boring!!!”, he groaned into your ear and it felt like he stood right next to you.  
“Mako-chan said that his parents are enjoying some time on their own today. So he has the place all to himself!! Well, his siblings are there, too, but whatever!!”  
It wasn’t hard to figure what he was about to say next.  
“We’re going to play some video games! You coming, too?”, that wasn’t a question and you knew that.  
“Uhm…”, you thought about the cookies. Some of them were already finished but there was some dough left.  
“At Tachibana-kun’s place?”, you repeated, looking at your aunty, interrogatively.  
“Is that guy you told me about there, too?” she mouthed and you shook your head. Your aunt gestured with her hand, telling you that it was okay for you to go. But you didn’t want to leave her behind. Maybe she’d search for Rin and get rid of his badass-ass.  
“It’s going to take a while. I’m baking some cookies so-…”  
“COOKIES?! Do we get some, too?”  
You looked at the huge amount of cookies you made. There would be enough for a whole Swim Club – Samezuka level, that is.  
“Just give me a minute”

You wandered around Iwatobi’s side streets, holding several cookie boxes in your hands and got lost immediately. You were at Makoto’s place before but you didn’t pay much attention to the route, you were way too busy laughing at his sheepishness. You had no other choice but to search for his hidden house.  
It wasn’t easy to get your aunt to let you leave. Even though she said it was alright, she didn’t stop talking about Rin – luckily, she didn’t know his name yet – and about you being stubborn for not telling her sooner about your bruises.  
“If anyone of your classmates hurt you, I swear to god, I-…”  
Well you couldn’t blame her. What Rin did wasn’t justified that easily. Whatever good reason he had, it would never be good enough and your aunty hoped that he’d realize that and die of guilt.  
You knew how aunty felt about Rin but how did you feel about him? Could you hate him? Was his behavior from yesterday enough reason to despise him?  
 _Hell, yes_ , you thought when you remembered your bruised arm and scowled. He didn’t deserve someone as sweet as Nitori to defend him. He was a douche. A douche who loved dogs but still a douche.  
You had to admit that he seemed rather interesting when you first met him. He somehow had that certain something that made people nonchalant around him. That was before he knew you know Haru, Makoto and Nagisa, that is. When he found out about you getting near them he lost it.   
Maybe he was jealous? Tough! He was the one that treated the boys so harshly! He had no right to be jealous of someone who knew how to cherish those boys!  
“Urgh, that boy pisses me off”  
“Who is?”, when you heard a familiar, gentle voice, you flinched and turned around.   
You almost had walked past Makoto’s house! When your eyes met, his eyes looked gently at you, inviting you in without saying a word.  
“Hey, [Name]-chan”, his smile was gentle and seemed like it would forgive every bad thing you did, do and will do. It felt like it was way too good for someone like you and you felt slightly insecure.  
“Hey, Tachibana-kun…”  
He kept on looking but not at you. His eyes watched something in the distance, something in the past that wouldn’t let go of him that easily. You didn’t know what was going on inside his mind but it wasn’t hard to figure that his brain was a hardworking machine. Right before you were about to say something, you could hear loud stomps and excited screaming.  
“[Name]-oneechan!!!”, it was Ran who jumped at your waist and hugged you dearly. You had trouble with keeping your balance.  
“Oneesan!!”, Ren was a few steps behind his twin sister but didn't hesitate to reduce the distance between you with a delight jump.  
“Welcome back!!”, he smiled brightly at you, his cheeks flushed a little. It seemed like Ren was the one who looked forward to meeting you again the most.  
“Thanks…”, you chuckled and ruffled his hair in compensation for not being able to hug him due to Ran’s possessiveness.  
“Ren…”, Makoto’s shoulders slumped in exhaustion and he sighed.  
“It’s not ‘Welcome back’ when it’s not her home”  
Ran and Ren sulked and glared at their older brother.  
“Don’t be so mean, oniichan!”, they scolded but forgot about Makoto in an instant when they saw the boxes in your hands.  
“Are those the cookies?!”, Ran shrieked, tugging at your sleeve, looking up at you with the most hopeful and begging look you’ve ever seen and you couldn’t help but chuckle.  
“Yes. Homemade cookies for all of you”  
The twins exchanged looks, smiling brightly at each other and your heart melted at their synchronicity. Maybe they weren’t human. Maybe they were some kind of angels that fell from the sky.  
“Cookies!!!”, both of them cheered, hugging you even tighter, rubbing their cheeks on your waist and you couldn’t help but snort. It tickled and you squirmed a little to escape them.  
“Alright now, why don’t we let [Name]-chan in?”  
“Cookies!!”

 

“Ta-da!!”, you opened the cookie box and revealed its delicious content to the twins, Makoto, Haru and Nagisa.   
When they heard you coming in, Nagisa had dragged Haru downstairs and greeted you with a fierce hug and you almost fell over.  
“Oh my god, they look tasty!! Can I take one?”, the blonde male asked, his eyes sparkling with anticipation but he didn’t wait for a reply and simply took one. Well, you baked those cookies for the swimmers so you didn’t mind at all. You were glad that they enjoyed your sweets that much.  
“They don’t look that good… but I hope that they are tasty…”, you said, somewhat sheepishly. It was your first time baking for boys, you didn’t know whether your cookies were too cheesy or not.  
“Yes! They are super-duper delicious!!”, Nagisa had his mouth full with cookies and he looked like a hamster, wanting all of the cookies to himself. His cheeks were flushed and puffed but he didn’t want to stop eating.  
Even Ran and Ren pounced at your cookies like they were about to starve. Makoto and Haru, however, held back and let the children be children.  
“Please, go ahead and eat some. I can’t eat the leftovers on my own”, you smiled at them and pointed at the amount of sweets.  
“There’s chocolate cookies, too”  
Makoto’s emerald orbs sparkled and you knew you had him. Eventually, he took some and ate them and all his self-restrain vanished.  
“Are there some with macker-…”  
“No… I’m sorry”, you interrupted Haru, knowing what he was about to say. You didn’t want his gross taste to ruin the mood.  
“I’ll make some next time”  
“Next time?!”, Ran and Ren cheered, looking up at you with all their cuteness they had.  
“Alright, let’s go play some video games!!!”, Nagisa exclaimed, took the cookie boxes and ran upstairs.  
There was a synchronized gasp and you didn’t have to look to figure that it was from Ran and Ren.  
“Let’s go, too, [Name]-oneechan, he took our cookies away!!!”

 

You did your best to keep yourself from staring at the Tachibana’s house. It really was a beautiful and welcoming place. Plus, it was your first time in Makoto’s home and room, how could you not stare?  
Well, it’s not like there was much to see. There was a bed, a TV, a desk and a table. But it looked so well arranged that it almost didn’t look like a boy’s room at all. It’s not like boys didn’t have good taste, too. You were used to hear that boys were messy, that’s all.  
Not all of them were messy, it seemed.   
“Let’s sit there!”, Ran and Ren tugged at your arms and told you to sit on the floor in front of Makoto’s bed. You bit your lower lip at the sudden pain in your bandaged arm but you did your best to hide it.  
“You want to play, too?”, Nagisa asked, offering you a controller. It wasn’t a question. He wanted you to play with them.  
 _Favor your arm_ , you repeated your aunt’s words in your head and your heart clenched a little. You wanted to play so badly but overdoing it would make it even worse and it probably would take longer to heal.  
“I’m sorry”, you chuckled awkwardly. “I’m not into video games”  
 _Oh gawd, gimme the controller, plizzz_  
“Eeeeeeh?!”, the blonde looked disappointed and hurt when he took another few cookies and put them into his mouth.  
“It’s fine, she can watch us play”, Makoto smiled soothingly at Nagisa who didn’t like the situation at all.  
“Fine, then”, he pouted and started the game.  
It seemed like it was some kind of car-racing game.  
“I’m going to be your first opponent!”, Ren cheered, took the controller and snuggled into you, putting his head on your shoulder, just like Ran.  
Haru, Makoto and Nagisa watched the twins secretly. They couldn’t blame them for feeling so comfortable around you.  
Some say that children see the truth in people’s eyes and know instinctively whom to trust and whom not to. Maybe they were right.  
No.   
They were right for sure.

Time went by so fast, there was cheering and excited laughter, you helped Ran and Ren out and told them how to beat the boys, who were upset about it and told you to stop cheating. It was so much fun even though you didn’t play yourself, seeing Nagisa lose against the twins was hilarious.  
“Oniichan, I’m hungry”, Ran whined after some time, a deep frown of complain on her face.  
“Uh… right. Let’s cook something, then, shall we?”  
“Don’t think that’s a good idea”, Ren looked up at his older brother worriedly and his hands held onto your sleeve like he was begging you to keep Makoto from entering the kitchen.  
“You’re going to break something… and get hurt…”  
The brunette male chuckled embarrassed but didn’t deny it.  
“And I don’t want to eat mackerel again!!”, Ran complained when Haru was about to offer his cooking to them.  
“But [Name]-oneechan can cook, right? You made those cookies!! Make something delicious!!”, the twins shoved you from one side to another gently and mewled like hungry kittens. Which they were.  
“Well”, you endured the shoving and the mewling and thought about something.  
“How about some pancakes, then?”  
Again, Nagisa and the twins exchanged looks and their cheeks flushed in approval.  
“Pancakes!!!!”

 

“Careful, Ran-chan, you’ll get your nose burnt”, you scolded gently as you watched the dough sizzle in the pan. Ran was watching you cook, standing between you and the oven, her eyes wide in astonishment.  
“So that’s how pancakes are made”, Nagisa looked over your shoulder, curiously.  
“Mhm”, you hummed, lost in thoughts. It was an embarrassing habit, but you wouldn't stop swaying your waist and hum some melody only you knew.  
You didn’t notice that it was said habit that made Nagisa look at you with moony eyes. His pink orbs eyed your waist, your swaying hips and the way you tried to hide the pain you experienced when you flipped a pancake.  
“Hey, [Name]-chan?”, his voice was just as innocent as always and didn’t give him away, unlike his look.  
“Hm?”  
“Why are you so good at such things? You know, like baking or cooking?”, you turned and looked at him, a little insecure.  
“I don’t think it’s that good. But I’m glad you like it, Hazuki-kun. You know, since I was little my parents work a lot. I had no choice but to learn how to take care of myself”, you told him, smiling absentmindedly when you remembered your burnt fingers and the cuts on them. Even though you felt lonely back then, it was an experience that made you the person who you are now.  
But Nagisa stopped listening to you. It wasn't like he didn't listen. He heard your pleasant voice but the words didn't reach his mind. He had stopped listening when you called him 'Hazuki-kun' again.  
“What did I tell you about calling me ‘Hazuki-kun’?”, his voice changed a little and his eyes felt hot on your skin. It was embarrassing, being looked at seriously like that and you couldn’t help but gulp.   
“Nagisa”, you corrected yourself and hoped he’d forgive you. It felt like he’d punish you anytime if he felt like it.  
“That’s much better!”, there was his usual smile again but it didn’t feel the same. You didn’t know whether it was alright to trust his smile or not. Nagisa seemed so inscrutable but had no problems with reading others. That was scary at some points. Scary and intimidating.   
That eyes of his made you feel like the prey which back touched a wall already. You felt like you were being cornered by a wild beast which would take no mercy on you and devour you whenever it pleased. But, at the same time, he made you feel like it was fine to feel like the prey. Like he'd take care of you, gently, carefully, ki-...  
“Oneechan!! Careful, the pancake’s going to get burnt!!”  
“Woah!”, your heart jumped at the sudden shriek and you got rid of the burnt cake by throwing it into the garbage and sighed. Nagisa's look distracted you way too much. You hoped that your face wasn't red.  
 _What the hell, me?_  
“Here, Ran, Ren, take the finished ones and bring them to Haru-chan and Mako-chan, too, okay?”  
“Alrighty!!”  
Again you sighed and rubbed your forehead in exhaustion. Who knew that the pain in your forearm would tire you out that badly? Or was it Nagisa's expression that made you feel drowsy?  
“Are you alright, [Name]-chan?”, the blonde male asked, leaning forward to look into your eyes. There was earnest worry on his face.  
“Yeah, cooking for so many people is a little exhausting, that’s all”  
“That’s not what I mean”, when you were about to take the flipper, his hand grabbed yours gently and pulled your sleeve up carefully.  
“Wai-…”  
But there wasn’t much you could do. He had his way with you and didn’t care about your protests. When he saw the bandage on your arm, his eyes widened and the grip on your hand grew stronger.  
“What happened here?”  
Who would have guessed that Nagisa was the sharp one to see right through you?  
“Uhm…”, you stuttered, feeling uncomfortable with the way he confronted you and fidgeted a little. What were you supposed to say? Lying would have been a bad idea and telling the truth wasn’t an option. You couldn’t tell him that it was Rin. They were friends after all. At least, you thought they were friends.  
“Uhm…”, you stuttered again, gulping and thinking of a good excuse. But there was none.  
“[Name]-chan… you’re on our team now”, he said, his voice strict, his eyes determined. He looked at you like he could feel your pain a hundred times worse.  
“You should talk to us about such things”, his voice shook a little and his behavior confused you. It was sweet of him, sure, but why did he act like this towards you, who wasn’t even the same age? Haru already told you that Nagisa was fond of you but you had no idea that he was **that** fond of you.  
You realized that Nagisa was serious and you felt guilty for underestimating his feelings. Apparently, he already found a good friend in you.  
“I-I’m sorry… Nagisa. I can’t tell you right now. But some time, okay? I promise”, Nagisa grit his teeth and frowned like he was in pain. It was hard looking at this side of Nagisa but you decided that it was Nagisa after all and kept on looking into his eyes.  
“Alright”, he nodded and let go of your hand, pulling your sleeve gently down. He wasn’t the patient kind of man, that’s for sure and he probably hated waiting more than anything. Especially when it comes to such important things like the pain of his friends.  
“Thank you, Nagisa”, you smiled at him and put your healthy hand on his shoulder to cheer him up.  
But there was still something you wanted to know.  
“Hey… Nagisa. Why did you want me to join the club that badly?”, since you really wanted to know the answer, you asked him bluntly. He could tell you at least the reason, right?  
Nagisa hesitated.  
His pink eyes did no longer look at you and he made it clear that there was something he couldn’t tell you right know, either.  
“Sorry... I’ll tell you when you’ll tell me about your arm”  
Even though you knew it was a fair deal, you felt a little disappointed. But, oh, well. It wasn’t like you had to know immediately. There would be enough opportunities to tell him about Rin.  
“Okay”, you nodded and decided to leave it at that.  
Nagisa was worried about you. He probably felt betrayed because you didn’t tell your teammates about your arm.  
How would he react if he’d know that you couldn’t swim and keept your fear of water a secret?

In the late afternoon, you decided to leave Makoto’s place to bring Seijuurou the cookies he demanded. Of course, you used the opportunity to build up your stamina and jogged a little, without Mami this time.  
You thought about Nagisa’s words, Rin’s behavior and your situation. No matter how you looked at it, you got involved really quickly and there was nothing you could do. Well, you could quit the swimming club and never ever talk to those guys again.  
Nagisa would kill you.  
And Kou wanted to see Rin smile again.  
Besides, you already told Rin that you’d beat him. There was no turning back. Drawing your horns in would damage your pride a lot. That’s why you wouldn’t quit the club, train hard to get your asthma better and learn how to swim without being afraid of the water. Of course it wouldn’t be that easy and you knew that.  
Thinking about that was scary enough.

When Samezuka’s academy was only a stone’s throw away, you saw a familiar silhouette in the distance. It got closer rather fast and you guessed that the person was jogging, too.  
At first, you didn’t pay much attention but the closer the person got the easier it was to recognize them.  
His maroon-colored hair was tied to a short pony tail and he wore some kind of black tracksuit. His movements were fierce and confident.  
Rin jogged towards you and you could tell by looking that he knew how to maintain his body control. He was an athlete, muscular and vigorous.  
 _Of course… he’s a swimmer after all_ , how were you supposed to beat someone like him? How were you supposed to stick by your word?  
You were totally different from him and you began to doubt.  
 _I’m screwed._  
But that wasn't the problem right now.   
The problem was your heart, which started to pound when you recognized Rin.   
The problem was that you wanted to turn back really badly, hoping you'd never ever meet Rin again. With every inch he got closer you felt your stomach doing flips, making you feel sick. You hoped that he wouldn’t look at you, that he would just pass you by without noticing you or, at least, pretend he didn’t. But life wasn’t generous like that.  
Rin recognized your exhausted panting, your clumsy movements and your hair that moved with every step you made. He recognized all of it and it pissed him off. Why would he care? Why would he feel guilty towards you? There was nothing to regret, right? Yeah, sure, he hurt your arm but…  
The young male gulped, a deep frown on his face when his eyes met yours. You were looking at him the whole time even though you wanted to avoid him so badly. It almost seemed like you wanted to make sure that he didn’t look at you and it made him feel uncomfortable. Well, he couldn’t blame you. Disliking someone who’d grab your arm just like that was rather easy.  
Those red eyes seemed furious but regretful at the same time, like he wanted to apologize but didn’t have the courage to even utter a word. But this was only an assumption, you couldn’t tell for sure what was going on in this stubborn head of his.  
“The fuck are you looking at?!”  
Your heart jumped in shock when he suddenly glared at you and approached you in his usual harsh way and you couldn’t help but turn away, intimidated. You pressed the cookie box onto your chest in search for help and started to jog faster.  
“Nothing…”  
That behavior wasn’t cool at all but you didn’t care. When you looked into his eyes, blazing with anger, you remembered his grip on your arm and the pain his touch caused you. That memory took all your courage away. You didn’t want to be together with him longer than necessary. It was so embarrassing, so humiliating, you felt like puking. How could you feel so helpless? Like he had you in his pocket?  
Rin halted and watched your back get further and further away from him. That certainly wasn’t what he wanted to say but when he saw your dumb, uncertain and scared look nothing but those words would leave his mouth. He knew it wasn’t fair to hurt you like that just because you had replaced him. He knew that. But even so, honesty has never been a strong point of his. He couldn’t just ask how your arm was doing or how you were feeling. He couldn’t just apologize for being an aggressive problem fixer.   
Because he shouldn’t care in the first place, right?  
“Fuck…”

“Mikoshiba-senpai! Nitori-kun!!”, it didn’t take you long to find the Samezuka boys since they were grouped up at the entrance of the academy, all dressed up in their sports suits, ready to take off. It seemed like they were about to jog just like Rin and yourself.  
“[Name]-kun!!!”, it took Seijuro no time to recognize you and, even though his boys could see his cheeks flush at your sight, he didn’t care the least.  
“[Lastname]-senpai!!”, even Nitori jogged towards you, a delightful smile on his lips.  
“Why are you here?”, the red-hair asked, smiling proudly at you nevertheless. He seemed surprised but so happy that his face couldn't show it all.  
“You said something about ‘homemade cookies’, right?”, you smiled, just as proudly as he was, and showed him your cookie box. His and Nitori’s cheeks blushed 50 shades of red and it took them a lot of self-restrain to keep themselves from cheering. Well, Seijuro gave up the fight against his emotions pretty soon.  
“Are you for real?!”, the captain cheered loudly, taking the box out of your hand and looked at it like it was the most precious thing on this godforsaken world.  
“Homemade cookies, **gyahaha**!!!”, he laughed and you bit your lip in an attempt to keep yourself from laughing yourself. His behavior was so embarrassing that your face got hot and you wanted to disappear into thin air, hoping no one would find you.  
It was crystal clear that Seijuro wanted to show off and make his swimmer-boys jealous – which they were.  
“Thank you so much, [Name]-kun, I’ll treasure every single one of them!! Besides, how’s your arm?”, his golden eyes sparkled when he looked at you, his beauty, his inspiration, his muse and you felt even more flustered.  
“Fine, thanks… and… can’t you just eat them?”, you asked, sheepishly and fidgeted a little, which made him laugh again.  
“That would be a total waste!!”  
 _COOKIES ARE MADE TO BE EATEN, GOD DAMMIT!!_  
“Wait… are you embarrassed? How cute!! I’ll-…”  
“Alright, alright, Captain Mikoshiba, we are waiting for you to return from cloud nine. We need to train, remember?”, Nitori scolded him, pushing the giant towards the pouting and glaring group of boys but Seijuro didn’t budge at all.  
“Oh, right, [Name]-kun! That idiot from yesterday asked to join the club. But, of course, I kicked him out! We don’t need girl-assaulting jerks like him!”, he put his chest out proudly, waiting for you to praise him and his indescribable manliness.  
“What?!”, Nitori expressed what you were feeling quite well. If Rin wouldn’t be able to join the club, you couldn’t race him. Well, not officially, that is.  
“Thank you for your concern but I need him to join! Is that possible?”, you asked, a little pleadingly and looked up at him, showing him your sweet eyes. He blinked, bewildered but sighed eventually. Your eyes hit him right in the heart, there wasn't much he could say.  
“I’d rather not let him join… but if [Name]-kun wants him to… I guess it’s okay”, he frowned and pursed his lips. He didn’t understand why someone like Rin would get that much attention from you.  
“But you owe me another load of cookies”  
 _Of course…_ , you laughed softly and nodded.  
“Well, I need to take care of my boys now, hope to see you soon, bye bye and be careful on your way home! Take care of your arm, [Name]-kun!”, he said your name so often that it was embarrassing.   
That boy didn’t have any sense of shame…  
“Uhm… [Name]-senpai?”, Nitori was still with you, looking embarrassed and insecure. He wanted to tell you something but wasn’t quite sure on where to start. His face was red and he rubbed his cheek in helplessness.  
“Well… err… How is your arm? Is it still bad?”, did he really hesitate just because of that?  
“It’s going to take a while… but it’ll be alright, thank you”  
Your smile was refreshing to him but he couldn’t let himself get distracted by it.  
“Well… that also was… what Matsuoka-senpai asked… you know…?”  
 _Woah, what?_ , your eyes widened, perplexed and your jaw dropped. Was he telling the truth or just trying to make Rin seem a better person?  
“Yesterday, he laid in his bed and couldn’t sleep. He told me something like ‘Tell that idiot to take care of her arm properly. Acting like it isn’t a big deal is pointless’, so he really isn’t a bad person!”, the grey-haired male exclaimed, looking at you with a desperate expression.   
Why did he want you to think high of Rin that badly? Why was it so important to him that everyone knew that Rin was a good person? Did he like Rin that much? Why did everyone like Rin even though he was a total douche bag?  
“He just can’t get his feelings across and there are some things one should avoid talking about… a lot of things, actually… But still… He is a good person.”  
Aiichirou really wanted you to like Rin. Well, maybe he was a good kid. For now, however, he was a douche.  
“Can you please… try seeing all the good things?”, his eyes glistered and you knew you had no chance against him.  
“Fine”, you sighed, angry at yourself for being so vulnerable against puppy eyes.  
“Thank you so much!! You know, he also said he’d start jogging again because he saw you jog yesterday and he can’t just lose against you! That’s what he said! He won't go easy on you from now on!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is! Another 'Special'! I think, which effects the main story slightly =3  
> It was important to me to write a Nagisa chapter again (it didn't turn out like one, though, I guess 


	10. You, the beauty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Since your asthma got worse gradually in Tokyo, you returned to Iwatobi, your hometown and started living with your aunt.  
> Sports was always something you weren't able to enjoy. And being afraid of the water, swimming was never an option.  
> When you meet the swimming boys, you couldn't help but think of them as hot and unapproachable. However, you soon get dragged into their business and become the most important person to them.  
> A person who'd not only see the water's surface but beneath it
> 
> (Re-upload, coming from Quotev)

„Ooooh, that frigging idiot, I’m going to beat him up!!!”, Nana boxed the air and scowled and you couldn’t help but sigh.  
How could she be that energetic when it was only in the morning? You didn’t know how she got wind of your bruised arm but she knew everything. That’s Nana for you.  
“Please, don’t, I take care of him myself”, you said, trying your best to wake up.  
“Hah! Right, you joined the swim club, I forgot!”, she teased you and pointed at the keychain on your schoolbag. You used to have it on your purse but you decided to put it on the bag you used the most. You felt like having it around you all the time.  
“But I’m surprised you found it. That really brings back memories…”, she hummed, putting her arms behind her head and looking at the distant sky.  
“You really loved that fish…”, Nana seemed absent-minded and didn’t want to get back to reality where you were waiting for her. You, of all people, shouldn’t know what was going through her head.  
“So? How’s Tachibana-senpai?”, she suddenly asked and you gulped.  
“Fine? Why do you ask?”, Nana had the hardest crush on Makoto a girl ever had on a boy and she obviously didn’t want anyone to get near him.  
She didn’t want to put up a fight so she shrugged and left it at that. But she wouldn’t stop looking at your anemone fish.  
“Hey… I promise: I’m not going near Tachibana-kun, okay? He’s all yours!”  
Even though she nodded, her face was stern and it felt like she didn’t believe your words at all.  
“Back then, on the phone, I wanted to tell you that that Nanase-guy and Tachibana-senpai were your classmates in elementary school. Before you moved to Tokyo, that is…”  
You already knew that you met those guys before so it wasn’t much of a surprise. The only thing that changed was that you thought of everything that happened to you as ‘fateful’.  
“And… uhm…”, she stopped walking and looked on the sandy ground, rubbing her knees together like she was about to say her most embarrassing secret.  
“Could you… hook Tachibana-kun up with me?”

 

“Urgh...”, you couldn’t tell whether the blonde male put some effort in his flyer or not. It just looked horrible with that deformed creature and the splashes of bright colors on it. The members of the art club, whose room you’d borrowed to invent a flyer, made the same face like you.  
“How’s it?”, Nagisa asked, his voice expecting and as he shoved the flyer in your face.  
“Modern”, you couldn’t think of another word which wouldn’t sound mean.  
“See? Told you it was great!!”  
“No, no”, you shook your head, looking at Haru and Makoto next to you. They didn’t seem fond of the flyer either.  
“Not that kind of modern”, it was the ‘What the hell is up with our youth’-kind of modern but you didn’t want to tell him that. He seemed so energetic.  
And then, there was Haru, holding up his version of the flyer. It was completely different from Nagisa’s. It looked great but somehow, the relatedness to ‘Swim club’ was missing and you couldn’t help but sigh.  
“I go get some ideas from the flyers on the bill-board”  
“Alright, we start cleaning up the pool! And, [Name]-chan, can you pin it on the board? Just until we have another flyer?”  
Nagisa really wanted to use his version, huh…

 

“Mmmmh…”, you hummed, starring at the mess of colors on the paper and frowned. This was just awful. Even for a workaround, this wasn’t right. Besides, there were no pins left to use.  
You couldn’t help but sigh when you looked for a pin you could swipe and reached out for the first one you saw. You had to get on your tiptoes to get a hold of a pin, that pinned two corners of two flyers down, with your healthy hand.  
“Uhm… excuse me… that does not look like a good-…”, you heard the male’s voice but it was too late. You pulled the pin out and an avalanche of paper fell onto the ground, burring your feet. The rustling was loud enough to be heard from afar and caused other students to chuckle and pity you.  
You had no idea what happened since that pin only fixed two flyers. Why were there ten others lying on the ground?!  
_Lucky me…_ , you sighed and looked up at the boy who had warned you a second ago. His purple eyes were saying something like ‘I tried to warn you’ or ‘I told you’ and he seemed slightly arrogant when he readjusted his glasses, keeping his eyes glued to you.  
“I told you that it wasn’t a good idea”  
There it was. The smartypants had spoken!  
“Yeah… I’m sorry…”, you muttered half-heartedly and sighed again. Everyone worked so hard on them and you had nothing better to do than spreading them all over the floor.  
When you bent over to reach for the flyers, you felt something hit your head. There was a thud, a dull pain and a silent groan from the four-eyes.  
“Urgh…”, you rubbed your forehead and saw the blue-haired male do the same. Apparently, he had reached out for the flyers, too, when your heads suddenly crashed into each other  
“Oh god, I’m so sorry!”, you gasped and looked at him with wide and worried eyes. Yes, you were clumsy but it wasn’t okay to hurt others with your clumsiness.  
“Are you alright? Should I-…”  
“I am fine”, he groaned and it was crystal clear that he wasn’t fine at all.  
“But your head really is hard”  
Your cheeks flushed heavily and you couldn’t help but stutter embarrassed. However, the young male smiled slightly and sighed a little. He couldn’t help but think of you as helpless, maybe he even pitied you for being such a klutz.  
“I am fine, please, do not make that face”, his way of speaking seemed stiff and formal. Well, he looked like the perfect model student after all. It wasn’t much of a surprise, hearing him talk like that.  
You gulped, feeling guilty and tried to hide yourself behind the Swim Club’s flyer. Of course, the flyer’s presence didn’t make you invisible.  
“This school has a Swim Club?”, he asked, a little surprised, and readjusted his glasses again. You straightened yourself and looked at the mess of colors on the paper.  
“Yes… well, we only founded one last week…”  
“I see…”, he kept his eyes glued to the deformed figure and there was a hint of a blush on his cheeks.  
“It looks beautiful…”  
Again you looked at the flyer, trying to find that something he called ‘Beautiful’ but there was absolutely nothing! But he was talking about the flyer, right?  
_Are you for real…_ , you sighed in your thoughts, asking yourself what kind of sense of beauty he had and you came to the resolution that he had none.  
“U-Uhm… thank you…”  
There was an embarrassing silence afterwards. You had no idea what else to say and were glad when he started a new conversation.  
“Well… I guess we should pick them up again”, he said, looking at the flyers.  
“But… I think it would be better if I bend down first and you afterwards”, he said, smiling that inconspicuous smile of his and you nodded, still a little embarrassed.  
Oh, well. The comedy of the situation was precious.

 

“So… You joined the Swim Club?”, he asked while pinning the flyers on the board.  
“Yeah…”, you joined but that didn’t mean nothing yet since you weren't sure whether it was a good idea to get into the pool.  
“What kind of club are you in… uhm…?”, you stopped pinning when you remembered that you haven’t asked for his name yet and blinked in helplessness. He noticed your perplexity and had to keep himself from chuckling. It was rude to laugh at people’s need for help after all.  
“Ryugazaki Rei. I am a first year”  
_A first year?! How the hell is he so tall?!_  
“I’m [Lastname] [Name]. A 2nd year”  
“[Lastname]-senpai, it is then… I joined the Track  & Field Club.”  
Oh. So he was that kind of man. An athlete, as well.  
_Where do all the athletes come from?!_  
It was a little disappointing that he already joined a club. The boys would have been happy about another member, you were sure about that.  
Another male member would be more useful than you, right?  
“So you can’t join the Swim Club, then…”, you ascertained and frowned slightly, tiptoeing so you could pin another flyer.  
“No… Do you need members that badly? A blonde male asked me a while ago to join”, he said, stepping behind you.  
He stood right behind you and it was then when you noticed how tall he really was. Rei wasn’t taller than Makoto, of course, there were only two guys who were. But still, he was tall. Tall, slender and well-built.  
His hand reached out for the flyer you tried to pin and took it out of your hand, pinning it on the board himself. Since you stood in between him and the board, he had to lean a little forward and his chest touched your back, his breath brushed your hair. It tickled. But it also felt narrow in a flustering way.  
“Just leave the upper half of the board to me, [Lastname]-senpai”  
You gulped and searched for a way to distract yourself from his hot breath.  
He was way to close! It was making you feel uncomfortable but you couldn’t say that, right? Rei was probably one of those guys who didn’t notice the suggestiveness of their behavior. You knew an awful lot of guys who were just like him. He also had a girly name so it couldn’t be a coincidence, meeting him, right?  
“I-Is it cool? The Track Club, I mean?”, you asked, taking care of the lower half of the board, getting closer to it so his chest wouldn’t touch you anymore.  
“It is interesting. And logical. If you want to, you can come watch us anytime”, he offered, moving away from you.  
“Our club is searching for members, too, actually. And there are also a lot of girls who joined the club. It would be a better environment for you since there are only boys with you right now, right?”, even though he didn’t think about joining the Swim Club, he knew a lot about it.  
He was right on some points but if you would leave the Swim Club it would be for a whole other reason than Haru, Makoto and Nagisa being guys. That wasn’t the issue at all.  
The problem was that one of them absolutely didn't want you there.  
“So, if you consider joining the Track Club, I-…”  
“[Name]-chan?”  
You haven’t noticed that Makoto has been watching Rei and you for a while. His emerald orbs had watched your back and Rei’s, confused at first. But when he started to eavesdrop his eyes dug into Rei like knives. It wasn’t like Makoto held a grudge against the younger male and it sure wasn’t like Makoto was a bellicose man. He just didn’t like it when someone tried to steal his team members away just because he was a dude. Especially when it was someone dear to Haru and Nagisa.  
And to himself.  
Why would Rei offer you to join the Track Club anyway? You already decided which club to join, it was too late to quit now. Well, that wasn’t quite true since you had the opportunity to switch clubs whenever you pleased.  
But just because you had the opportunity and right to do it didn’t mean that Makoto would let you.  
His thoughts and feelings didn’t reach his eyes when he smiled at the two of you gently. The Tachibana’s eyes glittered caringly as usual, there was no hint of his uneasiness.  
“Ah, Tachibana-kun!”, you greeted him with a smile and introduced him to Rei, not noticing what was going through Makoto’s mind.  
He didn’t want to see you next to that guy any longer. Who knows? Maybe you’d change your mind and quit the Swim Club if you’d be with him.  
“We need you at the pool… The color we bought wasn’t enough so we wanted to ask the art club for some, as you suggested the other day”  
“Uh, right, sorry!”, you hurried next to Makoto and bid good bye to Rei.  
“See you around, Ryugazaki-kun!”  
The brunette male looked over to the Swim Club's flyer you pinned on the board and his lips curved.  
“I’m really sorry! I didn’t want to leave you alone with all this work but I had some problems with the flyers”, you sighed, walking next to Makoto.  
“It was just one single pin but when I took it, everything fell.”  
"Well... you're pretty clumsy, aren't you?"  
"Don't tease me!"  
No.  
He definitely won’t let you go.

 

“[Name]-chan!! Mako-chan! Welcome back!”, Nagisa ran towards you and hugged you dearly, Haru was working on the cracks. Kou and Miss Ama-chan were there, too and greeted you with a smile.  
What were they doing there?  
“Ah! Right!”, Makoto gasped, handing you the paint roller.  
“Kou-chan said she’d join the club, too”  
“Really?”, you looked over to the young girl, a little surprised. Who would have guessed that Kou would join the club?  
“Right! She’s our manager now!”, Nagisa explained proudly and put his chest out as if it was all thanks to him that things were going well for the club. Well, it kind of was thanks to him since it was his idea to start a Swim Club in the first place.  
“Uhm, [Name]-chan? Could you mix the color we need and paint the white spots? Haru’ll help you. We’re going to take care of the fence”  
Your felt your heart clench when Makoto mentioned Haru and you couldn't help but look over to the raven-haired male.  
He absoluely won't help you, right?

 

“Hmmm”, you hummed, lost in thoughts and looked at the pool’s walls. No matter how much blue paint you poured into the bucket or how fierce you stirred it, it never was enough. Or, at least, you weren’t sure whether it was enough or not and you didn’t want to test it. You may ruin something.  
Frustrated you looked at your unharmed hand, smeared with blue color and the wooden stick in it.  
“Haru, is this alright?”, you decided to ask Haru, who fixed the crack next to you, even though you felt guilty and bad about it. It wasn't like Haru disliked you but you had the feeling that he wanted to scare you off really badly.  
When you saw him turn towards you you were glad that he reacted to your question.  
“Are you sure you stirred it good enough?”  
Stirring color was exhausting and stretched your patience. Maybe you slacked off after some time?  
“Uhm… maybe not?”  
Haru looked at you for a brief moment with an unchanged expression. You weren’t sure whether he felt like you were a pain or whether he thought of telling you how to do things right.  
“Look”, he finally said, putting his hand over yours that held the stick. Haru’s hand was warm from all the work he was doing, his grip was firm but gentle as always. Like when he held you back then, keeping you from burning yourself.  
“That’s how you do it”, he moved your hand and taught you how to move so the color would mix properly.  
After some time he let go of your hand and told you to try it yourself.  
“When there aren’t any dark-blue spots anymore you can stop and paint the walls”, he said and handed the paint roller over to you. However, he didn’t let go of it but put his hand over yours again and walked behind you.  
When he leaned forward, his breath brushed over your ear and cheek. But he didn’t seem embarrassed at all when he touched you like that. It seemed like he didn’t know how to treat a girl and how not to. Or he was glad about the fact that he could touch his childhood friend like that again.  
“Don’t dip the roller in. Roll it over the paint’s surface”, you weren’t listening for a long time now. You were way too busy distracting yourseöf from a boy’s presence – again – and tried to ignore his breath which tickled your ear.  
“Just like that, gently…”  
“Li-Like that?”, you gulped, imitating his movements when he let go of your hand and he nodded. There was no hint of embarrassment on his face. You, on the other hand, didn’t know how to deal with all those boys, getting closer, grabbing your arm or your hand, hugging you suddenly etcetera.  
Your heart couldn’t take that.  
“You can start painting the walls now”  
“Okay”, you sighed, rubbing your forehead with the back of your hand. You didn’t know whether it was Haru’s behaviour or the weather that made you feel hot.  
“Are you alright?”, his blue orbs pierced you with an attentive look, which wasn't like him.  
Was he scolding you or worried about you? You couldn’t tell since his face didn’t give him away. No matter what. He wouldn’t smile or look at you in a different way.  
“Yeah… it’s just hot”, he probably was worried about your asthma, even though you told him that you’d be fine. Well, apparently he didn’t believe that you could take care of yourself.  
You were glad that he didn't tell you to quit the club again.  
_Weren’t you the one who said she’s already involved?_ , when you remembered Rin’s tantrum you came to the conclusion that you, in fact, couldn’t take care of yourself. It was humiliating.  
You bit your lower lip in frustration but the feeling of shame wouldn’t go away.  
“[Name]. There’s paint on your cheek”, Haru took you back to reality and you blinked in confusion, at first but then rubbed on your cheek to get rid of the color.  
“Now it’s all over your face”  
“For real?!”

 

“Uwah… [Name]-chan… there’s paint all over your face”, Makoto noted, looking at you with something that resembled fascination. Like he was asking you ‘How the hell did you do that?’  
“And your hands, too…”  
“I know~”, you complained and your shoulders slumped in exhaustion.  
“It’s good to do things with full commitment, [Name]-chan! That’s nothing to be ashamed of! Give it your all!!”, Naigsa cheered, pulling his phone out of his pocket and pointed the camera at you.  
“Don’t you dare!!”  
“Fufufu, too late~”  
“Nagisaaa~!!!”

 

„Oh, [Name]-chan… is that paint on your face?”, Sena greeted you with a gentle smile and waved at you when you reached your home. Apparently he was about to ask you to go out with Mami again.  
“Yes…”, you answered the question you had been asked at least ten times and sighed.  
“Well, wash it off and it should be fine… But it looks cute, really”, he laughed that old man-laugh of his and crossed his arms.  
“If I were a little younger-…”  
“I’ll take Mami out for a walk again, is that alright?”, you didn’t want to hear what he would do if he was younger and you sure didn’t want to talk about the paint on your face anymore so you interrupted him.  
“Alright, sweetheart, don’t let yourself get kidnapped!”

 

“It’s just paint! Nothing special or embarrassing!”, that’s what you told yourself but you felt your cheeks flush heavily. Mami barked at your words, teasingly and jogged next to you. It felt like she laughed at you.  
“Not you, too, Mami!!”, you scolded and huffed, increasing your pace, testing your limits. If you wanted to race Rin you needed to shape up, grow some muscles and stamina. You won’t let him look down on you anymore, you won’t feel intimidated by his eyes anymore.  
Mami increased her pace also, gradually leaving you behind.  
_I’m gonna show him who’s the boss here!_  
“Hey, big girl”  
_But not today!!!_ , you haven’t noticed at all that Mami rushed over to someone to beg for affection but it didn’t take you long to recognize the voice. Hell, of course not. Again you hoped he wouldn’t notice you but it was already too late for that.  
Rin’s eyes were glued to you and even though he acted like he was paying attention to Mami his thoughts involved only you and your arm. He didn’t have to see your skin to know that it was badly bruised.  
He didn’t have to be remembered that it was his fault.  
“Is that paint on your face?”  
“No”, you tried to dodge him but it was the most obvious lie you’ve ever told. You had tried to wash it off your face many times but there were still traces of blue color on your cheeks and nose.  
Rin raised an eyebrow to tell you that you were the dumbest human being he ever met and you shot him a glare to make clear that he was the basest runt you’ve ever seen.  
“Come on, Mami. Let’s go“, of course, she wouldn’t listen to you and stayed with Rin.  
You couldn’t help but sigh and frown at Mami’s behavior. What was it that she liked about Rin that much? And why did she always have to act like that?  
“So…”, you huffed, rubbing your cheeks nervously in an attempt to get rid of the paint. You had no choice but to bear with it.  
“Did Mikoshiba-senpai let you join the club?”, you asked sullenly and looked anywhere but at Rin.  
You remembered that the Samezuka's captain didn't want him to join which was no good. He had to let him join.  
“Yeah…”  
His red eyes examined you as he straightened himself and put his hands into the sports suit’s pockets. He knew that you were the one who told Seijuurou to let him join. He just didn’t know how to react to that. Thanking you wouldn’t be like him, right?  
The feeling of helplessness didn’t let go of him. Whenever he saw you he wasn’t sure on how to treat you. Lost in thoughts, he rubbed his neck and clenched his fist, hidden within the pocket.  
“Hey… [Lastname]…”, usually, he wouldn’t say your name so it made your heart jump a little, even though it wasn’t your first name.  
“How’s your arm?”  
Before your mind was able to comprehend what he just said, your eyebrows shot up. The bewilderment on your face made him gulp. An untold embarrassment made his belly do flips. Rin hoped that his face didn’t give him away.  
“What’s with that look…”, it wasn’t a question but a grumbled statement and he had to turn his face away from you.  
Why did his question surprise you? Nitori already told you that he was worried, right?  
Well, Nitori was Nitori. He might as well say that Rin talks about you when you’re not around, you wouldn’t believe it if you wouldn’t see it yourself. No matter how you look at it, Rin, asking that question, was weird.  
“I’m just surprised… that’s all”, you said, sheepishly, thinking he’d get mad again. But you told yourself to never ever get humiliated by him again, right?  
“I didn’t think of you as the regretful kind of man”  
He knitted his brows and clenched his fists again. Rin didn’t feel offended because of your sharp tongue but because you were right. It took him a lot of courage to ask you and there you were, frowning at his behavior, probably making fun of him.  
The maroon-haired male parted his lips a few times as if he wanted to say something. He looked so helpless and flustered but did this make him a good person? Did those bruises on your arm make him a bad person?  
“Just... say something…”, he grumbled, his nostrils flaring slightly.  
“’Something’”, you said, almost showing him the most teasing smile you got. You felt like a kid again. Like a superior kid, that is.  
Rin clicked his tongue, rubbed the back of his head and looked really fed up with you. He didn’t want to leave, not before he said the words he wanted to say. But he didn’t have the courage to say anything either.  
“Look”, you sighed, rubbing your cheek again as you tried to rub the paint off of your face.  
“I don’t know what kind of problem you have with me or whether you’re a tsundere or not. Just… don’t vent your spleen on me, okay? I don’t understand why you’re here, anyway…”, if your face was an eyesore to him, why would he still stick with you?  
“I make you angry, I get th-…”  
“It’s 'cuz you remind me of… someone. That’s... why I’m still talking to you…”, it took him a while to finish his sentence and it was hard to be patient with someone when he wasn’t really patient himself.  
His answer wasn’t satisfying, was it?  
“And that someone made you angry so you just had to hurt them?”  
“No!”, he snapped, baring his sharp teeth, causing Mami and you to wince slightly. You knew what he was able to do and you sure didn’t want to experience that again.  
Rin regretted his behavior soon after seeing your reaction and gulped again, searching for the right words to say. But he just wasn’t good at something like… social interactions. Not anymore, that is.  
“Listen”, he sighed, closing his eyes for a brief moment to gather himself. He looked so different than usual, almost as if he wanted you to… like him? Can this be true?  
“When you told me you’d skunk me, I…”, he bit his lower lip, cursing his cowardice and rubbed the back of his head again.  
“Just… don’t lose that attitude, okay? Keep on telling me that you’d skunk me”  
“Are you some kind of masochist?”, you frowned, not sure what to say. Well, everyone likes something and has a fetish, right? Maybe Rin was a masochist, who knows?  
He hid his face in one hand, groaning in exhaustion and hoped you wouldn’t see the slight blush on his cheeks. Why couldn’t you stop being so blunt?  
“You’re the dumbest girl I’ve ever seen…”  
“Oh, shut it, girly Matsuoka-kun!”  
“What did you just say?!”  
“Girly Matsuoka-kun! _Giiiiirly_!!!”  
„The hell is wrong with you, you klutz”  
You acted like children, blind to all those things that were in the past and those that will be in the future and teased each other with nicknames.  
After some time of huffing and teasing your imagination was stumped and you found yourself pouting at each other.  
You gradually came back to reality and thought about what he had said a moment ago.  
“Hey. What did you mean ‘Don’t lose that attitude’?”, you asked, looking at the sea which seemed like a deep and unpredictable cluster of blackness.  
Rin looked at you for a brief moment, thinking of what to say.  
“I need your determination to keep me going. If there’s some newbie right behind my back I feel like I have to give it my all so I won’t lose”, there was an ever so slightly hint of a grin on his lips, his eyes teasing you.  
You saw him like that for the first time. He teased you in a somewhat kind way – if that was possible.  
“Newbie…”, you sighed, looking down at Mami, asking her whether she was offended by that word, too.  
“You can’t swim. And you’re scared shitless, I saw that last time when Mami jumped into Samezuka’s pool. I can’t lose to you”  
“Then don’t”, you shrugged. If he can’t lose than he shouldn’t. It was as simple as that, right?  
“But I won’t go easy on you so you better keep on improving. We already restored the pool so it’s only a matter of time until I’m better than you”  
Your words made his heart clench a little and he felt like he caught a glimpse of something he hasn’t seen in years. Of course you knew it wasn’t as easy for you and your words were warm words but he probably needed those.  
Rin’s red eyes pierced you, looking for traces of lies. When he found none, he turned towards the sea again.  
“You really are like him…”, you thought you heard a desperate chuckle in his voice but it was almost inaudible.  
“Like who?”  
Rin was a douche bag. He was rude and didn’t know how to get to the point. But there was more than that and maybe you were able to see it, that night. Maybe you saw the tiny gleam of loneliness in his eyes and the longing for forgotten days.  
“Like my self from the past”  
He looked like he missed that smiling boy on the picture who was together with Haru, Makoto and Nagisa. And that made those things he told you important.  
“Why are you telling me that?”  
His eyes met with yours again. You couldn’t decipher the emotions that were raging within them but it was crystal clear that he didn’t know the answer himself. And he didn’t really need one.  
Sometimes even those who are the strongest need a shoulder to lean on.  
“It’s some kind of redemption for your arm”  
So, he hurt you and now he gave you the opportunity to hurt him by exposing his soul to you?  
“You’re such a romantic idiot with a girly name, you know that?”  
“Shut u-…”  
He got interrupted by the ringing of your phone which almost startled you to death.  
It was Makoto who called you.  
Not sure whether it was okay to answer or not, you looked at Rin, inquiringly. He gave Mami all the attention he had to show you that it was alright to answer the call.  
“Hey”, you bit your lip to keep yourself from saying Makoto’s name. If Rin knew that it was him, he’d probably get mad again. Or that's what you thought.  
“Hey, [Name]-chan… I’m sorry for calling you…”  
“Nah, don’t worry about it. That’s why I gave you my number, right?”  
“Right…”, he sounded thoughtful, like his mind was far away.  
“Are you free right know? Would you mind meeting me at my house? I want to talk to you”  
“Uhm… sure, I’m coming”  
“Thanks…”, his voice was low and it wasn’t hard to figure that it took him all his courage to call you. He wasn’t someone who’d confront people if it wasn’t really necessary. And, this time, it was necessary.  
“Sorry, I need to go”, you said to Rin and hung up. He really wasn’t as bad of a person you thought he was but he had a short temper.  
Maybe you could forgive what he did but your body won't forget it. Not for a while.  
“See yo-…”  
“Wait”  
He called out to you and when you turned to him and looked into his eyes you thought that you saw unsaid words within them. You couldn't interpret his look at all.  
“You’re jogging everyday, right?”  
“Uhm… yeah”  
“Okay”  
That was it. He wouldn’t say anything anymore. Rin turned and began to walk back the way he came from.  
“Woah, wait. What’s ‘Okay’?”  
“Don’t be late tomorrow, dork”  
“What the hell?!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soo, I promised that there would be a Rei. He's going to appear more often from now on, obviously, for all of you Rei fans !  
> As you can see, my chapters aren't really some 'Haru' chapters or 'Makoto' chapters etc. It's hard for me to draw the line so every chapter is a Various chapter because I can't... I just have to put everyone in xD  
> By the way; I love Yandere-Makoto, I'm sorry. I hope it's not that bad but I think that there is something jealous within Makoto - a little bit, maybe? What do you think about Yandere-Mako? =3  
> And wooooh, Thank you sooo much for your comments and kudos you are so awesome <3  
> I do my best to get the next chapter done soon!  
> Hope you enjoyed that one; see you next chapter, please, stay healthy until then and take care of you!  
> And go ahead and leave your thoughts, complaints, wishes etc =3


	11. He, needing you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Since your asthma got worse gradually in Tokyo, you returned to Iwatobi, your hometown and started living with your aunt.  
>  Sports was always something you weren't able to enjoy. And being afraid of the water, swimming was never an option.  
>  When you meet the swimming boys, you couldn't help but think of them as hot and unapproachable. However, you soon get dragged into their business and become the most important person to them.  
>  A person who'd not only see the water's surface but beneath it
> 
> (Re-upload, coming from Quotev)

**„Ah!! [Name]-oneechan!!!“**  
„Oneechan!!“, Ran and Ren greeted you with an enthusiastic shriek and ran towards you, past Makoto. The twins hugged your waist dearly and snuggled their cheeks against you, begging for some attention.  
You had brought Mami back to Sena and went to visit Makoto and wondered what he had to tell you that was so important that he wanted you to see immediately.  
“Hey, you two”, you chuckled, patting their heads.  
“Are you here to take oniichan on a date?”, Ran asked excited with flushed cheeks.  
“Wha-… Ran!!”, Makoto scolded, embarrassed and his face turned blazing red in an instant.  
You exchanged looks with the brunette male, hoping he would say something but it seemed like he was too flustered to utter a word.  
“Well… _maybe_?”, you teased and looked at the twins again, a devious grin on your face.  
“Whaaat!! Can we come, too?”, Ren asked, shaking you in an attempt to bring you around.  
You didn’t think that there was something wrong with taking the twins along. They went with Makoto and you last time, too, right?  
“Why not-…”  
“Sorry, Ren… Ran… but you can’t this time…”, Makoto looked at his siblings, his eyes apologetic and somewhat regretful. If he regretted leaving the twins behind why wouldn’t he take them with him?  
“[Name]-chan and I… need some time alone”  
Your heart jumped a little and you looked up from the twins. His eyes met with yours and you noticed that he was watching you the whole time, a gentle smile on his face. Even though he was smiling, his eyes looked serious and asked you to play along.  
So you chuckled, a little insecure.  
“Right… I’m sorry, you two, but sometimes adults need some time alone, you know…?”  
“So it **is** a date!!”, Ren whined. He looked displeased when he tugged on your sleeve, showing you that he wanted to come along so badly that he would do anything just to be with Makoto and you.  
You had to bit your lip to distract yourself from the pain and you wanted to give in so badly and take them along.   
“Well… I guess there’s no helping it…”, Ran huffed, crossing her arms and pouting. She was so cute when she tried to seem mature.  
“If they want to go on a date that badly…”  
“Thank you”, you petted their heads again to make up for it and looked at Makoto.  
His smile was still there but Makoto’s thoughts weren’t with you anymore.   
No. It wouldn’t be a date, that’s for sure.

 

Makoto had been silent ever since the two of you had left his house.   
The streets seemed colder and more threatening that way.   
You always thought that Makoto was someone who made others feel safe. Now his cold and starched behavior scared you and made you feel insecure. Your heart pounded and you felt like running away.  
“Tachibana-kun…”, your voice was only a whisper when you tried to talk to him.  
He didn’t hear you, of course and you didn’t want to try it again and call out to him. It was like he had all reasons to be mad at you. But he didn’t. You didn’t do nothing wrong.  
“Tachibana-kun!”, you asked louder this time.  
The tall male seemed slightly surprised and turned towards you with a confused expression.  
“Where are we going?”, you gathered all your courage and clenched your fists the cheer you on.  
“You said you want to talk to me and now you’re not saying anything”  
His Adam’s apple moved when he gulped and turned his face away with a stern look.  
“Sorry… it’s just…”  
It almost looked like he stopped breathing as he continued to walk next to you. He seemed nervous and insecure so you decided not to pressure him and wait for him to continue.  
But he fell silent again.

 

After some time of silent walking you recognized the streets and figured that he was taking you to the old Iwatobi Swim Club.  
One half of the building was already torn down and the creepy face of the child was gone for good. Your heart clenched for the split of a second. Seeing the building you had visited only a few days ago like that was strange.  
“So they started tearing it down…”, you murmured and looked up at Makoto.  
His lips were parted in melancholy and his eyes looked at something that was in the past. He looked so frail and vulnerable to you that you didn’t dare to call out to him let alone reach out for him.  
“Hey… Tach-…”  
“Sorry… for taking you all the way here… I just… wanted to see it before they…”, he halted and gulped again.   
Was he holding tears back?  
“N-No… it’s okay”, sure, it wasn’t pleasant walking next to a huge, silent Makoto without knowing what was going on. But seeing him like that made you feel like you’d forgive everything he’d do.   
If he only would stop looking like that…  
You didn’t know what to do. Did he want to talk? Or just stay, without saying a word? You wished you could understand him without any words, just like Haru…  
You gulped.  
“Uhm… you were a club member, right?”  
He nodded and turned to you to show you that he was listening. His eyes, however, didn’t seem attentive at all. Nana already told you that Haru and Makoto attended the ISC. It wasn’t much of a surprise that Makoto felt down, seeing his memories being shattered like that.  
You raised one hand and reached out for him, slowly and carefully like he’d break in any second. When your palm met his upper arm, his eyes cleared up and he finally looked at you.  
Makoto understood that you saw his sorrow and was thankful for your sharpness. He wasn’t good at wearing his heart on his sleeve.  
His lips curved a little, grateful. He was glad he called you.  
You grew bolder, leaning your head on his arm and sliding your hand up and down his back. Makoto winced slightly at the sudden touch, his cheeks flushed heavily and his ears steamed. He could feel his heart pound within his chest as if it was calling out to yours to cure his wounds, to undo his pain.  
“I’m sorry…”, you apologized, stepping away from him and cursing yourself. Makoto always did his best to help others with his smile. This time, you wanted to help him with the same kindness. Was that too much, maybe?  
“N-No! I-It’s fine… I… probably needed that”, he gulped, fidgeting and rubbing his cheek in embarrassment.  
“That’s probably the reason… why I brought you along…”, he murmured, lost in thoughts and looked at the old building.  
“You attended that club, too…”, it wasn’t a question. He knew it and he remembered it.  
“Yeah… for… like one week”, you chuckled awkwardly, trying to chase the tension away.  
“I know… you almost drowned back then”  
Again, your heart clenched and your stomach did flips, making you feel sick. He even knew about that?  
Suddenly, he turned towards you, regret and guilty feelings all over his face.  
“And… I forced you to join the club… even though you had such a bad experience…”  
Wow.  
That boy was sharp.  
“I-I’m so sorry, I… I was so selfish, I-…”  
“Woah… wait, Tachibana-kun”, his sudden emotional outburst took you off guard and you had no idea on what to say or how to act.  
“I didn’t think of-…”  
“I said-…”  
“… of your feelings and-…”  
“… Wait, listen, I:…”  
“No, I’m just so sorry, I…”

_“Makoto”_

You didn’t notice that you, saying his first name, send shivers down his spine.   
A cold but pleasant sensation lingered within his stomach and your voice made his heart beat a little faster. How could he get that stirred up just because of his first name? Was it the way you pronounced it? Or the look on your face? Your voice, maybe?  
“Stop blaming yourself. It’s not _because_ of you that I joined the club… I did it _for_ you”  
Makoto’s emerald eyes gleamed, the cold within his chest turned into heat that made it hard to breathe.  
“Wow…”, you chuckled flustered, feeling your face heat up.  
“That was cheesy…”  
Makoto laughed, too, lifting his hand to touch a spot on your cheek with his index finger.  
“I’m sorry… I was too busy with my guilty feelings the whole time that I didn’t even notice that there is still some paint on your face”  
You gasped in realization, slapping your hand over your cheek.  
“I total forgot!”, you rubbed again your cheek, with your healthy arm, in an attempt to get the paint off of your skin. But it didn’t do much. It only made your skin feel sore and hot.  
“Don’t…”  
When you looked up at Makoto again, he stood only a few inches away from you, his emerald orbs looking down at you ever so lovingly when he grabbed your wrist gently and pulled your hand away from your cheek.  
“It looks cute”  
The way he looked at you changed and it weakened your knees. Maybe you’d even fall down if you would give in without fighting the urge to surrender. Did he just call you cute? What kind of cute did he mean? The ‘I’m sorry but you’re cute, that’s all’ kind of cute? Or the ‘You’re cute. Cute enough that I would ravish your lips’ kind of cute?  
You could tell that it definitely wasn’t the first one. The way his dark eyes glistered with emotions you couldn’t decipher was way too longing and sultry for the first one. But it couldn’t be the latter either, right?  
This was bad.  
This was really, really bad.   
Nana had a crush on Makoto. You couldn’t let yourself fall in love with him, too.   
“Wha-… What?”, you whispered, feeling cornered and at his mercy.  
“Thank you… for joining the club…”  
Again, you gulped, trying to calm your heart.  
“Well… uhm… I also joined for Hazuki-kun… and for-…”  
You wanted to tell him that Rin was the main reason you joined the club but you couldn’t. It didn’t seem fair. You told yourself that you’re not involved and that you wouldn’t play the messenger between those guys.   
But the more you got involved with them the harder it got to draw the lines.  
You tried your best to change the topic.  
“Uhm… you said you were busy with your guilty feelings… ‘the whole time’. Why didn’t you say something earlier?”  
His grip on your arm loosened a little and you couldn’t help but think of Rin and Nagisa, who had held onto you in all their desperation.  
The gleam within his eyes vanished and he seemed lost in thoughts again.  
“Sorry… I couldn’t… I didn’t want to confront you and bother you so I kept it to myself…”, he murmured, thinking of what to say.  
“I just… tried to hold it in and hoped the guilt would go away on its own…”  
“What? Don’t apologize! Just… say something like that earlier, will you? You’re not bothering me! So, be honest and don’t keep things like that to yourself”, you scolded him halfheartedly and sighed dramatically.  
“But… isn’t that egoistic?”, he let go of your hand, looking down on the ground. Of course. Makoto has always been the ‘big brother’. It wasn’t easy switching roles. He probably never knew what it felt like to be a little egoistic. But then, before the twins were born, he was an only child, wasn’t he? So he had to know how to be egoistic deep within, right?  
“I don’t care”, you sighed, again.  
“Besides, it’s okay to be egoistic once in a while. ‘Healthy Egoism’ or something like that. So you better be more egoistic towards me!”  
You put your chest out to seem confident but, to him, you seemed small and fragile. But brave. Your words, your voice, they were like bandages to his wounds and he felt like it was alright to expose his thoughts to you. The warm sensation in his chest grew hotter and hotter until it was nearly unbearable. He couldn’t even talk or think of anything reasonable. As if his body reacted on instinct.   
“Besides… I didn’t drown… my friend, Nana, saved me, so I’m fine…”, you wanted to encourage him and tell him that you were fine. But he wouldn’t believe a lie you couldn’t believe yourself, right?  
Of course, he didn’t. But that wasn’t on his mind, at that moment.  
When you told him that Nana saved you, he blinked a few times in confusion.  
“Oh. Right! You know Nana, right?”, she wanted you to hook her up with Makoto. You can’t forget about that.   
“She’s totally aw-…”  
“Wait… [Name]-chan. That can’t be true”  
“What?”, you wanted to talk about Nana so Makoto would get to know her better but it didn’t seem like fate wanted it that way.  
“I mean… it wasn’t Nana-chan who saved you! Because it was-…”  
“Wow… that hurt’s, huh…?”  
Makoto halted when he heard another male voice behind the two of you. You turned towards the stranger. It was a blonde, elder man on a… scooter. He was a pizza deliverer.

 

Apparently, that blonde dude was some kind of coach who trained Haru and the others.  
When he mentioned Rin, Makoto seemed down and your heart jumped slightly. You remembered the romantic Rin, the rough Rin and the mad Rin. What kind of Rin was he in the past? What kind of Rin did he miss?  
“He’s back from Australia, right? Last time I saw him he seemed down.”  
He told you about the race Haru and Rin swam when Rin visited Iwatobi during winter break. Haru won and Rin had lost.  
“He attended some swim-school in Australia… but it made no difference…”

 

“Well… I need to go home now. You two should go, too! See ya!”  
Even after Coach Sasabe drove away on his scooter, Makoto kept silent. It seemed like his sorrow got heavier after talking to Sasabe.  
“That’s why Haru quitted swimming. Because he ended up hurting Rin…”  
Wow.  
The Haru you know would step into a fish tank to feel the water. And said Haru stopped swimming because of Rin? What kind of sacrifice was that?  
Looking at Makoto, you realized how hard it must have been on him the best friend who thought he’d knew everything about Haru.  
And Haru… to give up something you love so dearly because you ended up hurting a friend…   
Your heart felt heavy and you took a deep breath to calm the uproar within your chest.  
No matter how you look at it, Rin was someone dear to the Iwatobi guys. Not because he was some violent snob you’ve met but because of something different. Something you caught a tiny glimpse of.  
“Uhm… Rin was on the same club like you guys, right?”, Makoto snapped back to reality and looked at you.  
“No. Well, yes, for a while. He transferred to Iwatobi but went to Australia afterwards”  
You thought that you probably have met Rin, too, but, apparently, you missed him. He must have transferred to Iwatobi when you were already in Tokyo.  
A sigh left your throat and you couldn’t help but think of that rude guy who bruised your arm.   
How did he end up like that? What happened to him…?  
 _‘but it made no difference…’_ , Rin hasn’t improved even though he attended a swimming-school.  
Makoto grit his teeth and when you looked at him to say something you felt like you saw misery and disappointment right in its eyes.  
“He hasn’t told me about that…”, he finally said, trying to choke his emotions down.  
Makoto felt betrayed. But, more than that, he felt sad. Why didn’t Haru tell him about what happened with Rin? What kind of reason did he have? Why didn’t he…  
No… Makoto wasn’t allowed to think that way. Haru was his best friend after all. He couldn’t just…  
“... about racing Rin…”  
Again you touched his back, leaning your head on his arm to show him that you’re with him and wouldn’t leave. Your small and gentle hand eased his pain a little and he sighed through his nose, gathering himself.  
“I’m sure he had his reasons…”, you finally said, thinking of something better than that. But that wasn’t necessary. Just you being here for Makoto was enough and he snuggled into you shyly, closing his eyes so he’d concentrate on your comforting voice and warmth.  
“He’s going to tell you when he’s ready… Tachibana-kun.”  
Your touch, your voice, your warmth. Everything about you seemed so comforting, gentle and loving to him at that moment that he didn’t even want to think of anything else but you. Makoto felt embarrassed but he couldn’t help it. He just felt like showing you a glimpse of his heart even though it seemed like you were too frail and small to handle his strong emotions.  
The only thing that displeased him was you, calling him by his last name again.

 

“So… you were alone with him yesterday? What did you talk about?”  
Since you felt really bad hiding all the meetings with Makoto from Nana, you told her the next day about them during lunch break.  
“Just about the swimming club, really”, you said.  
“The issue is: I have absolutely no idea how I’m supposed to hook you-…”  
“Ah! Tachibana-senpai!”  
Makoto went through the school park and seemed totally lost, probably because of Haru’s absence.  
Nana called out to him first and ran towards him. It didn’t seem like she needed help with flirting at all. Why would she ask you to assist her in the first place? Or did she want to make sure that you weren’t interested in Makoto?  
“[Name]-chan! I borrowed that book from the school’s library. Would you be so kind...?”  
It sounded like some kind of order and you didn’t like the look on her face. She looked like a beast, ready to hunt its prey down.  
Makoto looked at you, slightly confused but he smiled at you just like always, a slight blush on his cheeks. When his eyes met with yours, he felt your gentle hand on his back again and remembered the warmth of it. He also remembered the strange but pleasant sensation within his belly. The memory of that feeling alone gave him goosebumps.  
“Oh, Tachibana-kun, where’s Haru?”  
“He said he’d come in a minute. He’s probably checking our pool”  
“Well, while you’re waiting for him and [Name]-chan to return you could just sit down”, Nana smiled.  
Her eyes urged you to go to the library and leave them alone. 

 

 _Seriously… what is she thinking, chasing me away like this…_ , sure, she had a crush on Makoto and you knew that. But she didn’t have to be so rude, right?  
Well, maybe it was for the best. Leaving that whole ‘setting-up’-thing to you wouldn’t probably be a good idea so Nana should better take care of that herself.  
Poor Makoto. He didn’t even know what was going on around him.  
You sighed heavily as you walked through the hallway towards the library at the end of the hall.  
 _Haru’s at the pool…_ , you thought and pictured himself watching the water’s surface. He probably is really impatient and can’t wait to jump into the water. But it was still too cold for that so he couldn’t swim even though the pool was ready.   
_He quit swimming because he ended up hurting Rin…_ , Makoto’s words came to your mind and made you feel melancholic again.  
“Ah. [Lastname]-senpai?”, it took you some time to recognize that voice immediately but when you turned towards the male you remembered his glasses.  
“Hey, Ryuugazaki-kun”  
 _Wow... I remembered his name?_  
“So you are here, too”, he said, entering the library with you and looking at the book Nana had borrowed a while ago.  
“Yes, I need to return this book”  
“Hm…”, his eyes were glued to the book’s cover as he readjusted his glasses.  
“I did not think that this kind of literature would fit your taste…”, he hummed and it was hard to tell whether he looked down at you and your likings or whether he was just lost in thoughts.  
You followed his gaze, looking at the book, too.  
 _‘The seven arts of love’_  
Wow. Nana read that kind of book? Was she trying to get some advice on how to hit on Makoto?  
“U-Uhm…”, you stuttered, slightly flustered. Since Rei didn’t know that it wasn’t you who borrowed the book he probably thought that you were weird, reading something like that.  
“I actually didn’t… uhm…”  
“Was it interesting?”, he asked, saving you from the embarrassment within your mind. Well, it didn’t help at all. How were you supposed to know when you haven’t read it?!  
“Uhm… well…”, you thought of something that would fit every kind of book and gulped.  
“It taught me a lot… about stuff... I didn’t know”  
 _This is just awful._  
“Are you recommending it?”  
 _ **STOP. ASKING!!!**_  
“Uhm… I… don’t think you would like it… since it’s something about love and romantic and stuff… you probably don’t like that genre at all”  
He eyed the flustered wreck next to him, you, for a moment, readjusting his glasses again. It seemed like it was kind of a habit. Or maybe it showed what he was thinking at that moment. Was he feeling confident? Or was he about to clear a misunderstanding just like Sherlock Holmes?  
“I like reading in general so I do not mind reading everything”  
Was he serious?  
“You… don’t prefer some genres?”  
“I read a lot about Math and Chemistry, sometimes books about physical training, too. Reading something different would brisk my mind. Can I borrow it?”  
Your eyes widened at his sudden question but you didn’t hesitate and handed the book over just to shut him up. But he wouldn’t. Of course not.  
“So? Did you consider joining the Track Club?”  
Rei made sure that you and he were between some huge shelves so no one could see you or hear what he was talking about. He somehow felt embarrassed, being together with another girl so he didn’t want anyone to see him.  
 _Oh no…_ , you gulped and looked up at him. You didn’t even think about it. Of course not, why would you? Why was he asking that kind of question anyway?  
“Why… are you asking?”  
“Because… [Lastname]-senpai… I do not want to lie to you…”, his face was stern and serious like he was about to tell you something you didn’t want to hear.  
“There was a girl who asked me to ask you to join the Track Club. I guess she saw us talking the other day and thought that we know each other... and she blackmailed me”  
A girl?   
“What kind of girl?”  
He tilted his head and tried to remember the girl’s face and appearance.  
“Well… she has short somewhat messy hair, is a little taller than you and seemed rather… lively. She is a classmate of mine. I think her name was… Usami Nana-san”

 

So it was Nana who wanted you to quit the swimming club?  
The reason for that was obvious but you didn’t want to think about it. Would she go so far for Makoto? Just so she could keep you away from him?  
“Hey! [Name]-chan! We need to throw our wishes into the pool!!”, Nagisa tugged at your sleeve to take you back to reality and you blinked a few times to get rid of Nana’s face.   
“Right…”, you tried to smile but ever since Nagisa saw the bruises on your arm you didn’t think that it was possible to deceive him any longer. But you were glad that Nagisa knew about your arm. He avoided it at all costs, tugging at the healthy arm.   
“Make a wish and then throw it into the pool!”  
A wish? What were you supposed to wish for? Something like… ‘Don’t drown, me’?  
You looked at the soft, round something on your palm and thought of something seriously. You joined the swimming club, you couldn’t do things halfheartedly now, could you?  
 _A wish…  
A wish…_  
“What kind of wish, Nagisa?”  
You turned towards the pool, watched the water’s surface move slightly due to the wind’s touch.   
In a few days you’d swim in that. There was no way around it and you knew that. But you weren’t ready for the pool yet. When you looked at the water, your chest felt tight and it was hard to breathe.   
You felt like running away and never coming back but that wasn’t an option, was it?  
“Well… something you want to achieve together with us, of course!! Think of us, the club and make the first thing that comes to your mind a wish!!”, Nagisa said and saved you from the depth of your thoughts, saving you from drowning again. He did it before. When you felt insecure and pressured and was forced to decide whether you’d join the club or not, his eyes showed you the way out of your narrow mind.   
You thought about it, just as Nagisa had told you. It didn’t take you long to find your wish.  
No. Finding it wasn’t the issue here. It was accepting it.  
Rin’s face popped up and you felt your face flush a bright red due to your embarrassment and injured pride.  
Why would you think of him of all people?  
He wasn’t your wish, right?!  
He just couldn’t be!  
Even though you acted like that, you probably knew what your wish was.  
Subconsciously, that is. But you knew it.  
You just couldn’t help but feel like making those boys happy. And it seemed like you had to make Rin happy to achieve that.  
With that, you threw your ‘wish’ into the pool, hoping it would never come back into your palm ever again.  
You wouldn't be able to handle more embarrassment.  
 _Brace yourself, Rin. I'm coming._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the 11th chapter!!  
> The MakoXReader is strong in this one xD   
> I think that it hit Mako really hard when Sasabe told him that Haru raced Rin a long time ago so I thought that Reader-chan helps him, Reader-chan, being as gentle as Makoto (or maybe even gentler) cured him =3  
> And Rei appeared again to bring some bad news. Nana starts to change a little D=  
> So, it's another calm chapter(or not), I hope you enjoyed it!  
> Feel free to leave your thoughts, complaints and wishes!  
> I wonder what the next chapter will be about ~  
> See you in the next one, please, be safe until then and thank you all so much for reading this story, take care!


	12. He, warming up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Since your asthma got worse gradually in Tokyo, you returned to Iwatobi, your hometown and started living with your aunt.  
> Sports was always something you weren't able to enjoy. And being afraid of the water, swimming was never an option.  
> When you meet the swimming boys, you couldn't help but think of them as hot and unapproachable. However, you soon get dragged into their business and become the most important person to them.  
> A person who'd not only see the water's surface but beneath it
> 
> (Re-upload, coming from Quotev)

_I’m glad that it’s still too cold to swim_ , you sighed in your thoughts, crouching at the edge of the pool and stared at the reflection of your worried face in the water. It felt like there was a different you within the water who, actually, didn’t mind being in the water. She stared at you with the same look you gave her but she was different in some ways. Or that’s what some people like to think.  
Some people think that there is a different you in the mirror. A future self, a past self.  
Miss Ama-chan and Gou had already left the pool after they realized that it would be impossible to get Haru out of the water after he had jumped into the pool with those wishes you made. So it was only you and the guys, bringing some old stories up and talking about the pool. Haru just floated within the pool’s cool water and didn’t seem to be bothered by the cold at all. Even though his lips turned purple.  
Makoto lost it and panicked, whining for Haru to get out because he’d catch a cold, Nagisa just laughed and it was obvious that he wanted to join Haru really badly.  
“[Name]-chan!!! Please, do something!!”, Makoto whined, running along the pool’s side to make sure Haru wouldn’t get eaten by some kind of sea monster. At least, that’s what it looked like.  
“Just let him! He looks so peaceful!!”, Nagisa cheered, taking off his jacket. He sure wanted to swim, too.  
“Nagisa, wait, don’t go in, too! Come on, let’s go get some ideas for another flyer while [Name]-chan gets Haru out of the pool”  
You flinched at Makoto’s words. Apparently he wanted Nagisa to get away so he wouldn't jump into the pool, too.  
Or did he want to leave you with Haru alone so you could sort things out?  
“What? How am I supposed to-… wait, no, don’t…!!”

 

Makoto and Nagisa left you and they decided to do something productive during club activities which didn’t involve water.  
You looked at Haru who floated towards you. You didn’t know whether he just didn’t want to stop or whether he didn’t notice it because he was in his element – literally – but he didn’t turn even though his head inched towards the wall of the pool. When he was near enough for you to be heard, you decided to talk to him.  
“Hey. Haru?”, of course, he didn’t answer. He didn’t even open his eyes or gave a sign of interest.  
He probably was still mad at you for whatever reason.  
“Aren’t you cold?”, you knew that he was but you asked anyway, trying to get some attention. He loved water more than anything.  
Anything except for…  
“Do you want to get some mackerel? I’ll cook some, if you want to…”  
There was only silence, no sound to be heard, however, Haru’s brows flinched slightly at your words but it wasn’t enough to make him or the water around him move. It almost seemed like he belonged in there.  
“That’s a no… I guess…”, you sighed, watching him inch closer with every breath you took.  
He really would hit his head that way…  
You looked at the short distance between you and him and reached your hands slowly out.  
Your hands moved towards the water’s surface which seemed deceptively calm and gentle.  
The coolness of the water barely touched your palm but you couldn’t help but hiss and you found your heart race uncomfortable within your chest.  
Your hand stopped like there was some invisible force which wanted to keep you from touching the water. It wasn’t much of a surprise since you thought that your body was afraid, more than your mind was. Or the fear within your mind made your body freeze. Maybe it was both.  
Haru floated closer until there were only few inches from his head and the wall and you decided to put your palms on his head so he wouldn’t hit the wall. It took you some strength to keep him from floating away or towards you but he stopped eventually.  
His silky hair was wet and cold. Haru must have been cold all along. But why didn’t he leave the pool?  
Your fingers trailed down his head and the tips touched the water’s surface gently. It didn’t seem as bad as before but it was still breathtakingly scary.  
Maybe you could gather your courage because you actually touched Haru and not the water per se. You were so focused on the water that you didn’t notice that you were caressing Haru’s head which made him feel strange. But he didn’t say anything. It felt uncomfortable but pleasantly warm at the same time and he had no idea whether he wanted the feeling to go away or not. He thought that he’d miss it but it still was too embarrassing to take.  
It was something Haru couldn’t describe if his life depended on it.  
And then, his eyes opened and clear blue pierced right through you, leaving you speechless and dumbfounded. You couldn’t help but flinch, you were too flustered to remove your hands from his head and it was impossible for you to decipher his look. It was just like any other of his expressions but something seemed different about it.  
Maybe he wanted you to keep your hands off of him?  
To Haru, embarrassment wasn’t something ordinary so he couldn’t express this feeling. However, hiding it was also impossible. That was the reason for his strange look. He was embarrassed as hell but the cool water kept his cheeks from blushing. The only part of his body that was honest with you were his eyes. His deep blue, gentle and understanding eyes that seemed like a sea to drown in.  
“What are you doing?”  
Your cheeks flushed slightly when you parted your lips to say something but there were no words. What were you supposed to say, anyway? You shouldn’t have touched his head from the beginning!  
Since you couldn’t stand the expectant silence you laughed awkwardly.  
“Good question, haha… ha…”  
Haru wasn’t pleased with your answer so he closed his eyes again and moved his arms a little in an attempt to float away from you. But you wouldn’t let him. You lifted his head gently by putting your hands on the back of his head.  
The water was so freezing… and there was a strange fear within you that told you that something would grab your hand if you dared to put your hand into the water too deep.  
“Wait! Sorry, listen: We really want you to get out of the water. I know you love the water and swimming but your whole body is already purple! Your lips are trembling! Come on, you’ll freeze to death”, well, it wasn’t that bad but it surely wasn’t good for his health that’s for sure.  
“Come ooon~!”, you whined again, hoping it would convince him. But, well, it’s Haru we’re talking about. He wouldn’t listen to you.  
You wanted him to get out of the water so you could take your hands away. It was uncomfortable.  
But Haru was there.  
“Pretty pleaaaaase~!”  
The only response from Haru was a soft sneeze and you felt his head move forward in a jerky motion but he soon let himself move back into your hands again.  
Your body heated up because due to the cuteness overflow and your lips trembled when you tried to keep yourself from laughing.  
_He’s just too cute, I can’t!!!_ , you whined in thoughts and clenched your eyes shut to get the image out of your head.  
“Maybe someone is talking bad about me”, he said, rubbing his nose and looking up at you.  
“There was that old saying my grandmother used to say”  
Wow. He was really talkative for once, wasn’t he?  
“Maybe, maybe not. But if someone is responsible for you sneezing… I’m really grateful”, you tried your best to muffle your laughs but there was no point in hiding it. You just had to show him how cute his sneeze was.  
He frowned at your behavior, feeling slightly misused.  
“What is that supposed to mean? And why are you laughing like that?”  
“It’s just… your sneeze was so cute… I just can’t help it”, since you told him what made you make those strange noises, you laughed out loud, playing Haru’s sneeze back over and over again in your head, forgetting the water for a single, carefree second.  
The young male just looked at you, his cheeks slightly flushed and his brows knit in defiance.  
When you looked down at him, a single strand of hair moved and touched your cheek gently. The smile you gave him was soft and he probably knew that he couldn’t get mad at you when you made that face, so he stopped trying but not pretending.  
After some time of staring, Haru raised his arm from the water and brushed your hands off of his head sighing like someone who had to deal with idiots every day.  
“I don’t get you…”  
_Oh, look who’s talking…_  
Haru moved and it didn’t take him long to stand in the pool. Almost instinctively you offered him your hand to help him out of the pool.  
Only when he looked at your hand for a few seconds you noticed that it must have been strange to him, seeing you wanting to help him out of the pool. He was a grown kid after all. He could get out himself, right?  
Of course, he made that clear by getting out of the pool himself without looking at your hand a second time. It made you feel slightly lonely and dumb, being ditched like that but, well, that’s Haru for you.

 

“Uuuuwaaaah, she did it!! She actually did it!”, Nagisa cheered as he came back to the pool along with Makoto again, waving with another flyer at you.  
“Good job!!”  
No. You actually didn’t do nothing, you were completely helpless against Haru’s love towards water. You didn’t know yourself why he decided to get out of the pool and, since you’d only get a headache, you decided to not think about it any longer. Haru was just Haru, not quite easy to read but not a closed book either.  
“Haru, do you have a towel?”, Makoto asked and something within his eyes told you that he already knew the answer. The raven-haired male rubbed his nose in response, looking at the pool again, leaving Makoto sighing heavily.  
“Are you serious…”, you sighed, rubbing your hands on your skirt to dry them from the little water on them. It was enough to make you shiver from the coldness.  
Haru, who spent a lot of time in the water, must be freezing! You couldn’t imagine how he was feeling and admired him a little for being able to not show that he was actually cold.  
The three of you thought of how to dry Haru and it felt like you had to take care of a careless child.  
Well, he didn’t have a towel and his clothes would get wet if he’d put them on, which would lead to a cold for sure, so there weren’t many options.  
“Okay then…”, you sighed, taking off your comfy jacket, revealing a t-shirt and covered Haru’s head with it so his damp hair was sheltered from the April’s wind.  
“I guess there’s no help for it”  
“What are you do-…”, Haru protested a little but when you started to rub his hair with your jacket, his complaints turned into grunts. Nagisa couldn’t help but take pictures of it and Makoto took off his jacket, too, to put it around Haru’s shoulders.  
It was only then when they got a good look at your underarm and what they saw left them shocked and horrified. Nagisa already knew that those were bruises.  
“[Name]-chan… what’s with your arm?”  
Usually, Makoto said the words Haru thought so Haru didn’t have to ask himself. This time, however, was different. He knew what was wrong with your arm, that’s why he had a different question on his mind.  
_‘Who did this to you…?’_

 

The boys did their best to loosen the tension in Haru’s living room by talking about Haru’s cold, Rin joining the swimming club at Samezuka's and that they needed another member so they could swim together in a relay. But there was something on their mind they just couldn’t put aside and you almost felt their curiosity and worry towards you. They wanted to know what happened to you so badly that their vibes burnt itself into your skin and brain, forcing you to take a deep breath when there was only silence around you.  
But you didn’t say anything, much to their disappointment. It wasn’t easy to tell them that their best friend had a bad day, snapped and hurt you. Besides, they probably wouldn’t believe you anyway. And why would they care? It’s not like it was any of their business, right?  
“[Name]-chan…”, Nagisa’s voice trembled with worry when he put a hand on your shoulder, squeezing it encouragingly. You couldn’t hide it from them any longer, could you?  
Again, you took a deep breath only to breathe out.  
“Okay…”, you sighed, rubbing your tensed neck.  
“Here it comes…”, you said that but it actually took you some time to actually start and you almost didn’t say anything again when you looked into their eyes, which showed obvious worry, save for Haru’s. He didn't show his feelings, as always.  
“I was at Samezuka’s the other day, just jogging a little, you know…?”, you breathed again.  
Damn. It sure wasn’t easy and you wished you had blurted Rin’s name out from the beginning.  
“Well… I met Matsuoka-kun there… he was really pissed, thinking you sent me to spy on him… and then he-…”  
“No way!!!!”, Nagisa suddenly exclaimed, jumping to his feet only to put both of his hands on your shoulders. His expression was… more than outraged.  
Haru’s and Makoto’s eyes widened.  
They couldn’t believe your words.  
“It was Rin-chan?!”  
The disappointment in their faces was unbearable and you wished you were the bad girl, lying to them instead of telling them that Rin did this. But it wasn’t a lie. And you felt so bad for it that your heart stopped beating for a moment. Your shoulders slumped and you lowered your gaze, searching the ground for words.  
“I’m sorry…”, was the only thing you could say because it was true and didn’t seem like it would hurt them.  
“Don’t apologize!!!”, Makoto and Haru had no idea on what to say, Nagisa, on the other hand, couldn’t stop talking, screaming at you in all his worry.  
“It’s not your fault!! Not at all!”, Nagisa blamed Rin and no one else. He was mad at him at that moment but his anger would fade in a few hours, he knew that.  
“Rin-chan got really mean, I know that… But he can’t just let his anger out on you…”, the blonde male was on the verge of tears and his face looked like he could feel the pain you were feeling when Rin treated you badly.  
This wasn’t right. Rin was a dweeb, yes, everyone knows that. But that’s not all there is, right?  
You felt a strange urge to defend the maroon-haired guy.  
“Yes… and he knows that. He felt bad because of what he did so don’t worry. The Rin you know isn’t gone. Maybe lost but not gone…”, you felt like smiling at Nagisa to encourage him. You didn’t want him to feel that bad, your arm looked way better than it used to after all.  
“Does it still hurt?”, Makoto changed the subject.  
You shook your head.  
“A little but it’s no big deal, really...”, you smiled sheepishly and looked at your arm, moving it to show them that you were alright. It hurt.  
But you’d be fine.  
“You should have told us earlier!”, Nagisa scolded you, grabbing your healthy hand to get your attention. He wouldn’t let you off the hook that easily. And, oh, you wished he would have stopped scolding you and demanding justifications.  
“I didn’t want you to know that it was Matsuoka-kun!!”, you raised your voice unconsciously, your eyes heating up a little.  
“Besides, I didn’t think that you guys actually care, I-…”  
At first, you weren’t sure why you stopped talking.

“Na-Nagisa?!”  
Maybe it was because of the shock you suffered when Nagisa had wrapped his arms around your neck and pulled you close to him, hugging you dearly. He stroke your back with one hand, the other resting on the back of your head, holding you so close to him that it was hard to breath.  
“Don’t… don’t say that ever again…”, his usual loud and cheerful voice was only a whisper, showing his concern in the most obvious way.  
At first, you were caught off guard but he wouldn’t let you go unless you returned his hug, which you did.  
You felt your eyes sting a little and maybe you were about to cry but you didn’t care. Nagisa already seemed to know every weakness of you so there was no point in hiding anything from him.  
He saw right through people.  
“I-I’m… sorry…”, what else could you say?  
“I already told you that you are one of us. And we never let anyone down…”, his voice cracked and you hugged him even stronger to keep him from crying. You couldn’t help but smile a little, feeling relieved and patted his back.  
“Yeah… I know that… Thank you all so much…”, you looked at Makoto and Haru, too.  
“Matsuoka-kun can’t be a bad guy. I mean, you guys like him so much… for a reason, right? I’m going to find that reason”  
The brunette male showed you a gentle smile, Haru, like the usual, turned his face away from you.  
Maybe it was your imagination but you thought that there was a slight blush on his cheeks.

 

“[Name]”, you were about to leave Haru’s place together with Makoto and Nagisa but Haru kept you from leaving by calling your name.  
When you turned towards him, he held a small case in his hands.  
“My grandmother had a recipe against bruises”, he didn’t say anything after that but you figured what his intention was. Actually, aunty was a doctor so you didn’t need to accept Haru’s offer. However, he usually wouldn’t offer something to people so if he did, it was a big deal. It would be rude and a humiliation to him to decline.  
That’s why your face lightened up and you showed him your most grateful smile.  
“Thank you!”, you didn’t have to act as if you were moved, because you were. That meant that Haru was thinking about you, too, right?  
“I’ll get you some against your cold!”  
“You don’t have to-…”, he was about to decline but was cut off by another, cute sneeze and you chuckled at his vulnerability.  
“But I’m going to do it anyway, you’re so cute when you’re-…”  
“I’m going to wash your jacket… and lend you mine”, he wanted to hand you a black hoodie with bright blue dots on it. It surprised you a little that Haru actually wore such things.  
“You wear that thing?”, you asked, looking at it with awkward fascination like it was some kind of animal you’ve never seen before.  
He didn’t say anything, feeling embarrassed, and shoved the hoodie towards you. Its fabric was fluffy and warm, the colors were bright and shiny.  
“Put it on”  
You didn’t have the guts to disobey so you did as you were told and slipped into the piece of cloth which was, even though Haru wasn’t that tall, way too big for you. Your hands seemed to be devoured by the sleeves and the hoodie would cover your eyes, you knew that much.  
“Wow. It’s so big”, you moved your hands, showing him that there were not to be seen. It smelled good, though.  
You knew that smell.  
You knew Haru’s smell.  
Haru’s deep blue eyes looked at you and he frowned a little, showing an emotion you couldn’t read. He watched you move your arms, putting the hood on and listened to your chuckles when your eyes were covered by it. You looked a little helpless and dumb. Really, really dumb but not in a bad way.  
In a… cute way, maybe?  
“You don’t even are that tall, why-…”  
“Be safe”, he had enough of your embarrassing behavior but wasn’t able to show that. Of course not, he didn’t even know why he would feel that way. The only thing he knew was that he forgot why he didn’t want you to join the club.  
“Okay, thanks, see you!”

 

“Welcome back, [Name]-chan!!”, your aunty greeted you with a hug, kissing your cheek affectionately and asking you how your arm was.  
When she saw you wearing a stranger’s hoodie, she huffed, looking at you with raging eyes.  
“What is this?”, of course, she didn’t mean it in a bad way. She was just worried and didn’t want you to get pregnant at your age. Well… she was a little overprotective but there was a story behind that.  
“A hoodie!”, you smiled brightly to convince her that it wasn’t a gift from a seductive devil and reached your hands out so she could touch the sleeves. At first, she looked at it with suspicion but touched it afterwards.  
When the textile met her skin, she cheered and had a smile all over her face.  
“A fluffy hoodie! And it smells so good, from whom i-…”  
“Okay, now you’re being creepy, stop!!”, that’s what you said but it was a guy who lend you that hoodie, Haru at that. You couldn’t help but feel just as proud as your aunty. Getting Haru to feel concern towards you was a big deal, after all.  
But maybe it wasn’t. Maybe he felt like that towards you ever since you’ve met.  
“It’s from Haru...”  
“The Haru-kun?! Oh god, it doesn’t smell like mackerel at all!”  
“Of course not, what are you thinking?!”  
You stopped thinking of the boys as ‘guys’ and started to think of them as ‘friends’.  
When Haru lend you his hoodie, it felt like you were allowed to call him a friend, too. This was probably the best gift he could have given you.  
His concern towards you.

 

 _“I think her name was… Usami Nana-san”_  
You haven’t thought about Rei’s words and haven’t talked much with Nana, either, you were busy covering your uneasiness you felt when you were around her. However, when you left your home to take Mami out for a walk, you were all alone at the mercy of your thoughts and mind. You couldn’t do anything about it. As soon as you looked at the stars you heard Rei talking in your head, telling you that Nana wanted you to quit the swimming club.  
Probably, that is. There was no proof that it was her but even the slightest possibility that it could be her dragged you down.  
When you walked along the beach with Mami again, you were lost in thoughts and a complaining sigh passed your lips.

 

“You’re late”  
You jumped to the side, startled to death and squealed when Rin suddenly appeared next to you.  
“Huh?”, you asked, still a little shaky.  
“For what?”  
“Jogging, of course”, Rin said that, probably thinking that it was the most obvious thing, frowning at you as usual.  
“Don’t be late tomorrow, dork”  
So that’s what he meant back than when he said that? That you would jog? Like… **together?!**  
_What?! Are you serious? Why?!_  
You just stared at him, dumbfounded and unable to utter a word. Your mind was too confused to make anything out of the situation and your thoughts went wild. Rin noticed your look, feeling slightly embarrassed he groaned and rubbed his tensed neck. It was hard enough to talk to you, how was he supposed to bear with your expression?  
“What’s with that hoodie?”, so he decided to change the subject and started walking, avoiding your eyes.  
It took you some time to come back to reality and even then you weren’t able to say anything.  
“It looks baggy on you”, he stated, looking at the sea next to the two of you.  
He seemed rather calm but something was off.  
Was Rin nervous because he didn’t want to repeat the same mistake he made a few days ago? Was it because he didn’t want to hurt you anymore?  
“And your ponytail looks girly on you”, you huffed, jogging next to him.  
Mami trotted beside you cheerfully and barked every now and then to cheer you on. She, too, seemed calmer than usual, probably because of the fact that Rin and you didn’t want to see each other dead anymore… maybe.  
“Well, I borrowed it from a friend, so of course it would be too big”, you said, not mentioning Haru’s name. You didn’t want to think of what would happen if Rin would hear the names of his best friends. He’d probably get paranoid again.  
“It’s so fluffy and comfy”, you sighed blissfully and snuggled down in the hoodie.  
“Yeah, I know. I’ve the same one”  
“Really?”, you asked, surprised and looked at him with wide eyes. Rin had the same hoodie like Haru? Was that a coincidence?  
“Yeah, in red”  
_Of course…_  
After that, both of you fell silent and the only thing you could hear was the voice of the sea and the sand crunching beneath you. Jogging together with Rin wasn’t as bad as you thought. He was actually quite considerate of you and adjusted himself to your pace – which was ridiculous, let’s be honest. But it was a good start.  
Who would have thought that he'd actually go easy on you?

 

“Sorry…”, you huffed after a while, panting heavily and stopped jogging. Even though it was only April you felt hot and your cheeks were flushed. You felt like you ran a marathon. But your lungs seemed to be fine, the strange noises they made were not as bad as last time when you chased after Nagisa.  
“I think… that’s my limit…”, you panted, looking up at Rin, brushing off the sweat on your forehead.  
The maroon-haired male turned towards you, jogging in place. He panted slightly but not as heavily as you and you noticed that he had way more stamina than you. He was much better than you and you figured that he’d be even better at swimming.  
Those red eyes of his looked at you for some time. He looked at your flushed cheeks and your parted lips. You were a sassy one but you still had your vulnerable and cute sides, huh.  
Rin’s face flushed slightly when he parted his lips to say something.  
“You okay?”  
You only managed a nod, closing your eyes to focus yourself on calming down. When he noticed that it would take you a while to recover he stopped jogging.  
“How’s your arm?”, that question took you off guard and when you looked up at him in all your surprise it seemed like he was surprised by his own words, too.  
Rin scratched the back of his head, turning his face away from you. You knew that he wasn't as tough as he wanted to be and that he was worried about your arm but he never showed it let alone asked how you were doing.  
“Uh… it’s getting better…”  
“Did you have practice today, too?”, he changed the subject swiftly, not looking into your eyes.  
“Not really. It’s still too cold for us to get in the pool”, you shook your head again, still dumbfounded.  
“Did you have practice today?”, you asked in return, curiously interrogating your rival and he nodded.  
“Wow. That’s no fair, you’re not supposed to start ahead of me”, you huffed, pouting at him teasingly.  
“That doesn’t really matter, does it? I’m ahead of you anyway”, he frowned, not getting that you tried to loosen the tension.  
You still didn’t know how you should think of Rin but seeing him like that made you think that he wasn’t a rough and reckless dude.  
“But jogging like that should be fine. Stretch yourself every now and then, build some muscles”, he then said casually like he was giving advice to some fan or someone he didn't want to hurt.  
It really was unusual, seeing him like that.  
“Are you giving me some advice? Wow…”, you didn’t notice that your eyes glimmered with gratitude and that your cheeks flushed even more. You had no idea how bright your smile was at that moment and it irritated Rin more than anything. How could you look at him like that even though he hurt you? Not because you were a forgiving person but probably because you were pleasantly surprised by him.  
He couldn’t stand your look anymore so he grabbed your hoodie suddenly and pulled it over your head, covering your face and everything turned dark.  
You squealed surprised at the sudden movement and darkness and stumbled confused.  
_What the hell?!_  
You struggled and grabbed his wrist but he didn’t let go of you. He even pulled you close, having you in a headlock and you squealed some more.  
After some time you felt unbearable hot due to his body temperature and the hood covering your face. You pushed and pulled at his clothes but he didn’t gave in, you had absolutely no chance.  
“Back then… that old man-… -to talk to you…”, his voice seemed muffled and you were too busy squealing and curling to hear him when he started talking.  
“W-Wh-What?!”  
“…-didn’t really want to tal-... -say something…”  
“Boy, I can’t hear a thing!!”  
He then let go of you and you took the opportunity to free yourself.  
“What was that for?!”, you whined, pulling the hood from your head, revealing your face, red with embarrassment and anger, your hair was a mess due to the textile, rubbing on your head and you panted slightly because of the heat.  
You looked even more embarrassing to him than before and he regretted overreacting like that soon after, turning his face away from you.  
“Sorry…”  
He ruffled his own hair, lost in thoughts and gulped, searching for the right words to say.  
“You were right. You are involved. But I shouldn’t have treated you like that…”  
Your jaw dropped and your heart clenched. Did he just…  
“You’re doing your best. Even though you have asthma… and even though you’re afraid. That’s…”, he gulped again, gathered his thoughts and prepared himself – which took him long.  
Really, really long.  
“… adm-… irable, I guess”  
And then there was the most touched gasp you ever heard coming from you.  
“What did you just say?!”, you jumped forward, eager to get praised again but he put his hand on your forehead to keep you away from him, clicking his tongue and sighing heavily.  
“You’re just like Nitori”  
Neither of you knew why he was so honest but you didn’t mind not knowing the reason. Seeing him like that was cute and it made you forget the bruises on your arm for a moment.  
“I didn’t mean to hurt you”, he didn’t say it but it was written all over his face.  
“And [Lastname]. Don’t fall behind”  
You couldn’t help but grin when he said that.  
“Hah! Stop being so cocky, I won’t”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, since Makoto got too much attention I focused on Rin, Nagisa and Haru on this ond, next will be a Rei one, so be prepared!  
> I hope you enjoyed this one, having romantic moments with Haru & Rin (fufufu)  
> I think that it would be hard to forget what Rin has done but it gets more bearable since he feels sorry for it and is focused on never hurting Reader-chan again =3  
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it!!  
> Thank you all so much for following/favoriting and being patient with me and my english and the awfully slow development of this story x'P  
> Please, stay/get healthy, take care and feel free to leave your wishes, complains and thoughts!  
> See you in the next chapter <3


	13. You, sending shivers down his spine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Since your asthma got worse gradually in Tokyo, you returned to Iwatobi, your hometown and started living with your aunt.  
> Sports was always something you weren't able to enjoy. And being afraid of the water, swimming was never an option.  
> When you meet the swimming boys, you couldn't help but think of them as hot and unapproachable. However, you soon get dragged into their business and become the most important person to them.  
> A person who'd not only see the water's surface but beneath it
> 
> (Re-upload, coming from Quotev)

„ **Eeeh?!** There is a boy who wants you to join the Track Club?“  
Nana was bad at holding her voice in, especially when she was excited. When you thought about the thing Rei told you, you decided to keep an eye on her – secretly, that is – and tried to not avoid her.  
“Yeah, his name’s Ryugazaki Rei”  
“Uh! I know him! He’s my classmate! He looks cute but he’s not my type”  
Of course not. You already knew what kind of taste Nana had in men.  
“So…? Are you considering to join the Track Club?”  
You changed subject so you didn’t have to answer that question.

 

“I’m sorry but that won’t happen!”, Miss Ama-chan scolded you and your team members gently for asking whether you could use your club budget to finance a gym with an indoor pool.  
“There’s no way the school would give so much money to a brand-new club which hasn’t accomplished anything yet”  
Ouch. That hurt. But it was the truth. It would be too good to be true if the school would actually sponsor the Swim Club.  
But the boys wouldn’t give up and came to a conclusion: If they would place in a tournament, nothing would stand in your way and you’d have all the budget you wanted. For that, however, was a fourth member needed who’d swim a relay. And you, being a girl, couldn’t do that. You actually felt slightly bad for being a woman but there was no helping it.  
Getting another member to join was going to be complicated especially since the flyers and Iwatobi-chan keychains didn’t do much.  
It was kind of frustrating.

 

“Hey, [Name]-chan, what do you think? Should the posters be flashier?”, Nagisa asked, pinning the new designed flyer on the board. He had asked you for your help during breaks and after school while the sneezing Haru stared at the pool and Makoto took care of him.  
“I don’t know…”, you sighed, rubbing your neck in a thoughtful manner. You doubted that the flyers had something to do with the lack of members. It was probably because of the fact that the sea was only a stone’s throw away. Why would you join a club to swim in the pool when you can swim in the sea?  
“Or maybe we should dress you in a swimsuit to get some more members?”  
“Wha-! Hell no-…!”, you paused when you noticed that Nagisa looked at you, his eyes serious, maybe even slightly worried. He didn’t say anything, even though you looked at him expectantly, waiting for him to say something.  
His pink eyes were a little scary, they seemed hazy and you caught yourself gulping. You cleared your throat.  
“Uhm… Nagisa?”, his dark eyes lit up when you called his name and he smiled at you as if that smile of his has never been gone.  
“Sorry, I was just thinking…”, his cheeks flushed a little as he rubbed the back of his head, flustered and insecure.  
“You know…”, it took him some time to breathe again. When he did, his smile weakened and sadness replaced his cheerfulness.  
“You told us about your arm… so… I should probably tell you why I wanted you to join”, he stated, avoiding your eyes to keep himself from losing focus and courage. Because there was something that melted inside of him, whenever he looked at you.  
He didn’t dare to do anything but stutter and fidget awkwardly.  
His uneasiness made you feel uncomfortable but you didn’t want to show that. It might keep him from going on, so you kept silent.  
“When I saw you…”, his Adam’s apple twitched when he tried to choke his cowardice down.  
“… back then, when I saw you together with Rin… you know… when you shouted at him, told him to be glad that he won…”, his cheeks flushed a deep red and there was an unpleasant apprehension in the pit of your stomach.  
That wasn’t like Nagisa at all.  
“… it sounds stupid, I know… but, back then, I thought… that you could actually…”, Nagisa tried to look at you again but he couldn’t. The memory of your bruised arm kept him from facing you.  
“… get through to him”  
_What…?_  
You had absolutely no idea what he was talking about. Well, you remembered that time when Mami jumped into the pool but why would you get through to Rin?  
“I-… I don’t… what?”, you stuttered and looked at him, dumbfounded.  
“Why would I, of all people, get through to him? Why won’t you be able to?”  
“ **Because** …!”, Nagisa’s voice suddenly raised again and he finally looked at you, driven by anger and sadness.  
“Rinrin is strange! And I think that he can’t treat us like he used to because we are we! We know him! We know what he was like. But you don’t. You never ever hurt him so he has no reason to be mean towards you”, you already knew that the blonde male was an emotional man. Nagisa didn’t always show his true concerns but when he did, his face is raging with emotions.  
“Or… that’s what I thought. I didn’t know that he would hurt you like that… I’m sorry…”, again, he avoided your eyes, looking down at the ground to keep his teary eyes a secret from you.  
“He hurt you because I dragged you in-…”  
“He hurt me because he has a short temper, that’s all”, you interrupted him right before he could jump to any other dumb conclusion and smiled at him in an attempt to encourage him.  
“Besides… he already apologized”, you said, a little proud at you for getting Rin to worry about you.  
Nagisa couldn’t help but look at you, dumbfounded and admiring. Maybe he shouldn’t feel sorry for forcing you to join the club. It probably was the best idea he ever had.  
“[Name]-chan, I’m so glad that you’re-…!!!”  
“[Lastname]-senpai?”  
When you and Nagisa turned towards the voice, you saw Ryuugazaki Rei.  
The tall male readjusted his glasses and looked at you.  
“Ryuugazaki Rei-kun?!”  
“I read the book you recommended”  
_What book?_  
“’The seven arts of love’”  
_**Oh Jesus Christ, THAT book!!!**_  
“It was interesting”  
This was the most interesting plot twist you’ve ever experienced. Not that there was something wrong with boys reading books about love.  
You probably were caught off guard because Rei didn’t look like someone who’d read that stuff. Well, you couldn’t judge a book by its cover, right?  
“I-… I’m glad you liked it”, you chuckled awkwardly and tried to hide the fact that you haven’t read that book at all.  
The taller male looked at you, then at Nagisa as he readjusted his glasses again. Maybe it was some kind of kink?  
“[Lastname]-senpai, I have practice now, would you like to watch?”  
Was he still trying to get you to join the Track Club?  
“Yes! We’d like to! I have to go get someone, you don’t have to wait for me, see you!”  
You had absolutely no idea why Nagisa suddenly left Rei and you behind and you caught yourself sighing, slightly dumbfounded. Well, he was always like that so there was no point in trying to understand him. You had other things on your mind anyway so you wouldn’t think any longer about it.  
“Uhm… Ryuugazaki-kun. You told me that Na-… that girl is blackmailing you. Is it bad? You probably should-…”  
“No. It’s just … some embarrassing story that I don’t want to think of…”  
“Oh…”  
You were glad that it wasn’t something bad, however, blackmailing someone was inexcusable and you didn’t want to think that Nana was able to do something like that. You felt bad for Rei so you decided to help him out as much as you could.  
“And… did… that girl ask you again to convince me and that’s why you’re asking me to watch you practice?”  
His eyes widened for the split of a second, surprised, but then his cheeks flushed and he turned his face from you, avoiding your look.  
“N-No…”

 

 _He really is good at this…_ , you sat on a bench and watched the Track Club practice. The weather got warmer gradually and it would be only a matter of days until the Swim Club could start to practice, too. Which meant that you only had a few days to prepare yourself mentally and get a swimsuit.  
This was not enough time!!  
“Oh, there she is!!”, Nagisa waved at you eagerly, dragging the other boys and Kou along.  
“Hey, Kou-chan”, you greeted her with a smile since you saw her for the first time on that day.  
“Hey, [Name]-senpai”, she sighed, sitting beside you and you frowned confused.  
“He won’t stop talking about Ryuugazaki-san’s girly name and that he wants him to join really badly”  
“That’s his reason? Because Ryuugazaki-kun has a girly name?”  
“Yeah… I told him that his muscles were a better reason, though…”  
_That’s not a better reason at all…_  
“Well”, you shrugged and looked at Nagisa, who watched Rei with sparkling eyes.  
“He won’t let him off the hook. He’s going to join in the end, just like I did”

 

“[Lastname]-senpai”, when practice ended and you were about to leave the sports area, Rei called out to you and bowed slightly.  
Since the other boys haven’t promised Rei to watch him, they didn’t stay until the end, unlike you.  
“Sorry for making you watch me”, you had no idea why he got so trusting towards you. Maybe it was because of the book. Maybe he believed that it connected you and him in some ways. Like, for example, the author, the story etcetera. It’s too bad that you haven’t read it.  
“I just wanted to ask you… what an onlooker thinks of my form”  
You blinked twice in confusion and parted your lips in an attempt to say something but your mouth was faster than your brain. You didn’t know what to say. How were you supposed to say something about his form?  
“Because… my senpai keeps telling me that I cannot calculate everything in sports. Even though I do not think that way, it makes me doubt, sometimes. Some club members, who do not calculate every single step, are way better than me. They look even more beautiful”  
It seemed like he was boiling up quite a bit and he apparently wasn’t able to talk to anyone about it. Your opinion seemed really important to him so you forced yourself to think carefully.  
“Uhm… I have no idea about track but, to be honest, I think that your form is really beautiful. Even up, in the air, you manage to keep control over your body”, you said, looking at him encouragingly.  
However, that wasn’t all you had to say. There was still that part with the calculations.  
“Ryuugazaki-kun, why did you join the Track Club?”, he put his hand on his chin in a thoughtful manner.  
“Well… I can calculate everything. It is the most logical sport”  
“So, you didn’t join because you like it?”  
This time, it was his turn to blink at you in confusion.  
“I like it because it is logical…”  
Wow. That was going to be difficult. He really was a reasonable boy and stuff about emotions and feelings would probably confuse him to death.  
“Well… how should I put it… sometimes you like stuff without knowing why. Without calculation. Your heart decides and sometimes your brain is at a loss. And we tend to like things which are simple but do we really like them? Don’t we just confuse ability with affectations? I think that it’s also possible to like something you’re really bad at. But because you like it you try to get better at it”  
_Wow. I’m so deep_  
And, as expected, it was hard for Rei to follow. He was really intelligent, however, when it comes to his heart, he was clueless.  
“What I’m saying is that not calculation makes you and your form beautiful. It’s the love towards the things you do”  
Rei fidget and his shoulders slumped when he noticed that it would take him a while to understand what you were talking about. But it didn’t take him long to understand the basics.  
“Then... do you love swimming?”

 

“Are you alright, [Name]-chan?”  
You were glad that Haru and Makoto asked you whether you’d like to go home with them since Nana was already gone. Besides, thanks to their intrusion you didn’t have to answer Rei’s question which was convenient. You said that you could love something without being good at it but that was in a different context, right?  
Right?  
“Uh, yeah”  
“How’s your arm?”, wow. Haru sure knew how to ruin the mood.  
“It’s getting better, thanks to your salve. Oh, by the way…”  
You fished Haru’s washed hoodie out of your schoolbag which made the anemone fish dangle and handed it over to him.  
“Thank you for lending me your hoodie, it really helped! I washed it, don’t worry”  
Makoto looked at the two of you for a while, confused and blinked.  
Haru gave you your jacket back, apparently he had forgotten about it, too.  
“I lend her my hoodie so she won’t be cold”  
“H-Haru-…”, the brunette male mumbled and seemed rather surprised when he heard about Haru’s gesture. He wouldn’t do such things towards anyone, obviously.  
“Ah, and here’s some medicine from-…”  
You were cut off by your sudden sneeze.  
Apparently, you caught Haru’s cold.

 

“Sorry, honey, but you won’t go jogging tonight”  
“What?!”, you protested and your voice sounded kind of nasal when you sniffed and you took a sip of the warm tea your aunt made for you.  
“The weather’s getting better, right? You want to swim, right? So you need to get better soon and that’s exactly why you shouldn’t go out at night”  
You groaned in response, however, she was right. You didn’t feel as eager to jog as usual and maybe you even felt a little exhausted even though you haven’t noticed it all day long. Eventually, you gave in and made yourself comfortable on the sofa, snuggling into your hoodie when the doorbell rang.  
It is always like that, isn’t it? Whenever you made yourself comfortable, either the door or the phone rang.  
“Don’t worry, sweetie. I’ll answer it”  
That’s what she said, however, in the end, it was Nana who wanted to talk to you and you had to answer the door anyway. She insisted on talking to you at the door. She didn’t even want to get in.  
That’s when you remembered that she had to stop blackmailing Rei. At first you couldn’t believe it but her behavior made you feel sick.  
She didn’t even want to get in, damn it.  
“Hey, Nana”, you sniffed again and looked at her without knowing how to react. Nana had many secrets and that was more than painful. You did your best to hide your anger towards her but it just kept boiling up.  
“Hey,… [Name]-chan…”, she looked at her feet and fidgeted nervously, breathing audible in and out.  
“Uhm…”  
“You blackmailed Ryuugazaki-kun, right?”  
Nana was shocked and surprised by your straightforwardness and raised her head again, her eyes looking horrified. Her urge to run away was written all over her face.  
“Y-Yeah…”  
“What the hell were you thinking, Nana!!”, your voice raised and you felt like some anger you had hold back for a long time was about to overwhelm you and take all reason away from you.  
“You can’t just blackmail someone just because you want me to quit the Swim Club!!!”, Nana shrank with every word you said and didn’t dare to look at you. She had never seen you this mad.  
“Just tell me if there’s something you want me to change! If it’s about Tachiba-…”  
“No!!!!”, she suddenly exclaimed and her voice cracked.  
“It’s not about Tachibana-senpai!”  
“What is it all about, then?!”  
“It’s about you!!!! If your memory is bad, I’ll help you: You almost drowned in elementary school! You can’t swim!! You’re afraid of the water, [Name]-chan!!! How the hell am I supposed to let you go back into the water again?! Do you think I’d let you drown?! It’s not all about Tachibana-kun just because I have a crush on him! I’m not a selfish person and you know that!!!”  
What the hell?! She always talked about Makoto, how were you supposed to know that it wasn’t him that was on her mind? You thought that she was obsessed with him and that she’d do anything to get him. She even told you to stay away from him, right?!  
“B-But you… you even told me to stay away from him… I-I thought you-…”  
“No!!!”, her voice cracked again and tears started to run down her cheeks.  
“What is going on, you two?! I get that you have some important stuff to talk about but can’t you do it more civilized?!”  
Your aunty stomped behind you and glared at the two of you for being bad girls. She even pinched your cheek to punish you and Nana couldn’t help but sigh. She didn’t care whether your aunt was listening or not when she continued talking.  
“I know that I wasn’t the best friend you deserve and I told you to keep your hands off of him but now I’m worried about you! I don’t want you to get involved with those guys. I don’t care about Tachibana-senpai anymore!”, she whined and suddenly pulled you in to embrace you tightly. You could hear her muffled sobs when she rubbed her cheek on your shoulder and cried bitter tears of worry.  
“Please, [Name]-chan… I don’t want you to drown…”  
“That’s not going to happen”

The third voice you heard wasn’t your aunties or Nana’s and it took you off guard when you heard it. But you recognized the male standing behind Nana in an instant.  
“Matsuoka-kun?!”  
“She’s never ever gonna drown. ‘Cause she’s going to-…”  
“Wait. ‘Matsuoka-kun’? Is this the guy who bruised your arm?!”  
_Uh-Oh_ , you totally forgot that you told Nana about Rin.  
“What?!”, and it didn’t take your aunt long to huff in disgust. Even Rin frowned when he saw the glares Nana and your aunt shot at him.  
“U-Uhm!!!”, you did your best to get their attention so they wouldn’t kill Rin right away.  
“I-It’s fine!! He excused himself-… WOAH!?”  
You wanted to protect Rin from your aunty, however, it didn’t seem like he needed it. Or wanted it.  
You were shocked when you saw him, bow deeply in front of Nana and aunty and your heart clenched in surprise. Pleasant surprise, that is.  
“I’m really sorry for hurting [Lastname]”

 

“So, little boy? Are you going to tell me what happened?”  
Rin sat next to you on the dining table, your aunty facing the two of you and it felt like Rin asked for your hand. It was embarrassing and you couldn’t help but stare at your thighs, your face flushed 50 shades of red. Even the maroon-haired male seemed a little flustered but he was serious and did his best. Nana, who bid you goodbye with a hug because she knew she’d kill Rin if she had stayed, would have laughed at the situation.  
“To be honest… nothing particular happened. I just snapped and took my anger out on her…”  
Why would Rin even put up with this? You weren’t some close friend, right? So why did he ask to be forgiven? Why did he care?  
“So? Who can promise me that you won’t… ‘snap’ again? Is my niece important to you? Then you shouldn’t treat her like that. You should hold her dear just like her other friends do. If someone’s important to you, you can’t just treat them harshly because your emotions run wild”  
No. It wasn’t like that at all and you knew that. You weren’t someone important to Rin. Just some… girl who reminded him of himself. You didn’t know why he stuck around you.  
“I can see that you’re important to my [Name]-chan”  
“A-Aunty!!!”  
_WTH?! How would she know?!_  
You didn't know that yourself!  
“If you disappoint her, I have to crush you”  
The sharkboy glanced quickly at you before looking at your aunty again. She really managed to talk some sense into him.  
“I won’t do that”

 

“Wow… I’m sorry, Matsuoka-kun. My aunty is really embarrassing. You shouldn’t take her seriously”, when you walked him to the entrance door, you did your best to get the idea, which said that he was important to you, out of his head.  
“By the way, why were you here?”  
“I waited for you but then I heard all that bitching about ‘drowning’”  
“Oh… sorry, my aunt won’t let me jog today… you waited in vain…”  
He looked at you, your nose red from all the sneezing and your eyes, a little regretful. Could it be that you were looking forward on jogging with him? Or was he imagining things? Rin had no particular reason for clicking his tongue. Maybe he wanted to get rid of all these thoughts that tempted him to look at you.  
“Just don’t ditch me next time”  
It was strange. Rin didn’t complain about you. He was… nice. But why? He usually didn’t care for people, right? Well, he saw what happened when he didn’t care enough. And he sure didn’t want to repeat his mistake.  
“Hey… Matsuoka-kun? Can you tell me something about your swim practice?”, when you remembered that he probably had swim practice before he came to pick you up, you felt like asking him said question. Maybe it would help you get less scared. Rin was still alive so the water wasn’t some kind of killing machine, right?  
Rin shrugged.  
“You’re going to experience it yourself”, was all he said and it left you slightly scared. He was right but you weren’t ready for water and splash yet.  
When he was about to go through the door, he turned towards you and saw you, looking down intimidated and probably slightly afraid of the things that were waiting for you.  
So he put one hand into the pocket of his track suit and handed you a black something. It looked like a cap. A swim cap, maybe?  
“What’s this?”  
“A good luck charm. Take it”  
You reached out for it and felt the smooth material before taking it. You didn’t trust it at all.  
“It’s a swim cap. Nitori wanted to give it to you. It’s his old one.”  
The look you gave him was priceless and he couldn’t deny that his heart clenched a little. His mother instinct has been wakened when he saw your eyes, sparkling with gratitude and your lips parted as you whined a silent ‘Aww’.  
“I have no idea how to put it on, though. Are there some special tricks?”  
Rin snatched the cap out of your hands again and clicked his tongue. He definitely wanted to say something like ‘You are a helpless piece of sweet cake’.  
“I’ll show it to you. But only once”  
And then his hand ran through your hair, gently and carefully for he knew how sensitive a girl can be. He had a sister after all.  
His hand combed your hair and it felt awkward. Good, but awkward. It was strange, being touched by him like that and you caught yourself gulp and shrink a little in an attempt to escape his touch.  
You tried to distract yourself from all that.  
"Oh! Nagisa called you Rinrin once. Is that your nick-..."  
“Stay still!”, he murmured to cut you off, his breath brushing over your head and neck, making your breath hitch.  
He put the cap gently on your head and tried to stuff every loose brand of hair into it and you bit your lip to keep yourself from laughing or squealing because he was tickling you. You had goosebumps all over your body and you felt cold all of a sudden. And then, there was a strange sensation in your belly, making you feel slightly uncomfortable but warm and dizzy.  
However, when his thumb brushed over your ear, you couldn’t help but… well:  
“Mh~!!”  
Who would have guessed that your little moan made his blood rush into his cheeks so fast that he let the material of the cap snap back on your head?

"Well, well, well. He sure looked at you like he wanted to devour you"  
"Aunty!!"

 

“I have good news for everyone today!!”, Kou said after she told the four of you to hurry to the pool on the next day.  
“I was able to schedule a joint practice with Samezuka!”  
“For real!!!”  
You almost chocked on your own spit. Joint practice? You’d see Aiichirou and Seijuuro again? And the boys would see Rin again?  
Was that really alright?  
“All we need is another member, then!”  
And another member is what you will get.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one seems to be a Rei & Rin(I actually wanted to give Rin a boner, pliz, judge me


	14. You, helplessly falling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Since your asthma got worse gradually in Tokyo, you returned to Iwatobi, your hometown and started living with your aunt.  
>  Sports was always something you weren't able to enjoy. And being afraid of the water, swimming was never an option.  
>  When you meet the swimming boys, you couldn't help but think of them as hot and unapproachable. However, you soon get dragged into their business and become the most important person to them.  
>  A person who'd not only see the water's surface but beneath it
> 
> (Re-upload, coming from Quotev)

Two days have passed since then and you took your time to prepare yourself for the joint practice at Samezuka’s. You even borrowed your aunties old swimsuit just in case and took Nitori’s gift with you – well, not that you intended to swim. You told the guys that you had no experience with competitive swimming and its rules and used it as an excuse so you wouldn’t have to practice with them.  
When you walked into the natatorium, you hid behind the tall males and stared in awe.   
There were so many boys – way more than on your swim team, obviously – and it looked different than at night. Almost fun. But it still was too much water for you to take, however, you had to admit that the moist air was soothing your lungs.  
Rei, who walked next to you and glanced at you every now and then, seemed nervous, too. You pitied him, he obviously didn't want to be part of this. But he agreed to help you out, much to your surprise. It was surprising that Nagisa actually was able to drag Rei with him.   
Kou spent a lot of time staring, too. Of course, she found those boy’s muscles way more interesting than the pool and her behavior was almost too embarrassing to take.  
“Are you okay, [Name]-chan?”, Makoto asked and looked back at you. You haven’t noticed at all that you were hiding yourself behind him all this time.   
You didn’t know whether you were okay or not that’s why it took you some time to answer. But you figured that saying ‘Yes’ would be a better option than running off, screaming.  
The boys were already in their swimsuits – save for Rei and you – and stretched. Since you didn’t know how to stretch yourself the correct way, you looked closely. Makoto and Nagisa even explained every detail to you as you imitated their movements and noticed your cheeks heat up after a few seconds of intense stretching.  
It would take you some time to get used to that.

 

“Hey, thanks for coming”, Seijuurou greeted the Iwatobi Club with a welcoming smile but turned his attention to Haru soon after. It seemed like he wanted to act like the ‘professional’ captain even though there was a certain blaze in his eyes when he looked at you that made you think that he wanted to jump at you as soon as possible.  
He praised Haru, saying that he knows of every tournament Haru won – which was pretty much every single one he attended.  
That was awesome. You had no idea that Haru were that good at swimming. Well, it wasn’t hard to guess, though.  
While Seijuurou was talking to the raven-haired male – who obviously didn’t care at all – Aiichirou stood a few steps behind him, waving at you.   
You waved back at him and smiled due to his cute gesture. 

And then, Rin approached Nitori, stealing angry glances at you and the other boys. He gave you a short nod and at first, you thought that you were the only one who saw him. However, soon after he nodded at you, Kou ran off, towards him and waved cheerfully at him.  
Seriously, you had no idea how Rin had the stubbornness to defy his little sister’s cheerfulness. He only glared at her!  
You felt your heart clench as you watched the Matsuoka siblings interact in the worst way there was. Well, you were an only child but you did know what it meant to have a family and how you should treat them. You had your aunty who loved you from the bottom of her heart and you were sure that Kou loved her brother just as much. Treating her like that was just too cruel.  
You caught yourself drowning within your thoughts, when Nagisa pulled at the sleeve of your pullover, dragging you along with him.  
Rin saw Nagisa’s behavior towards you and knew that he wanted you to face Rin. Maybe the smaller one thought that your eyes would do the trick.  
“Rin-chan! We get to swim together again!”, he defied even Nagisa’s puppy eyes and you were secretly jealous of his ability to do so.  
The blonde male was looking forward to swimming with him again, however, it didn’t take Rin long to brush him off like a nasty feather.  
“Together?”, you couldn’t help but glare at him when you heard him snort dismissively like that and before you knew what was happening, your foot jerked forward, prodding his shin. It was on reflex so you actually didn’t want to hurt him - just remind him that your friends had feelings, too - and, apparently, you didn’t.  
However, you got his attention and he gave you his death glare but behind his defiance was something gentle.   
He gave up.   
He surrendered to you, knowing that you were something like his reason, so he stopped talking before something bad would leave his mouth.  
“You guys are a waste of my time”, was what he said when he left.  
Well. It could have been worse.

“[Lastname]-senpai!”  
Aiichirou approached you with a cheerful smile and there was ‘senpaisenpaisenpaisenpai’ written all over his face.  
“Hey, Nitori-kun. Why are you so exited?”, you couldn’t help but chuckle at his behavior.  
“Uhm… well… did Matsuoka-senpai give you my old swim cap?”  
“Yeah, yesterday. I brought it along”  
He looked way too excited about that, his cheeks blushing, his eyes sparkling in awe and you actually thought that he would fling his arms around your neck.  
“[Name]-kun!!!”, and then there was Seijuurou, approaching you with a confident smile, however, his eyes raged with childlike joy.  
“Your homemade cookies were delicious!!”, wow, he actually ate them.  
“I’d eat them anytime, every day, every year! I love-…”  
“Mikoshiba-senpai! We need to start practicing!!”  
You didn't know whether the young Nitori was being conscientious or jealous. 

“You could practice with our first years and-… you there. Get in your swimsuit”, he pointed at Rei, who flinched slightly. That wasn’t good. Rei said that he’d only come along if he wouldn’t have to swim. If he was forced to swim at the end, he would get really mad.  
Nagisa tried to shield him, however, Nitori dragged the Track Club member along with him.  
“Then… [Name]-chan… it can’t be helped, you need to get changed, too”, the blonde male sighed, looking at you, trying his best to look apologetic. However, his eyes told you that he was looking forward to seeing you in your swimsuit.  
Your heart started to race when you heard him say that and you stuttered ‘Uhm’s and ‘I’s but you weren’t able to defend yourself. Your hands started to sweat and you knew that you'd get a heartattack if you had to go in that pool.  
“No. She won’t practice. She’s a girl and I can’t let her get looked at by boys”  
 _Oh, thank god..._  
Seijuurou, your lifesaver, was frowning confidently when he looked at the boys.  
There was obvious protectiveness in his eyes. 

„Even though I said I wouldn’t swim…“, Rei crossed his arms in resistance, muttering words of complaints when he was forced to swim and you felt really bad for him. You were glad that Seijuurou would protect you with his life if someone would force you to put a swimsuit on so no one dared to force you to swim. However, Rei had no one who’d protect him.  
“Everything will be alright”, you smiled sheepishly in an attempt to cheer him up but it seemed like your presence worsened the situation.   
He blushed at your words and avoided your eyes.  
“I didn’t want you to see me like this… [Lastname]-senpai…”, he murmured as he rubbed his tensed neck.  
Was he referring to the speedo he was wearing and his half-naked body?  
“I see all the boys like that, Ryuugazaki-kun. You don’t have to be ashamed”  
His Adam’s apple twitched as he choked fear and nervousness down.  
“That’s… not what I meant…”

The joint practice started and as soon as Makoto stood on the starting block, your whole body tensed and you forced yourself to pay attention to every move he made. That’s why you didn’t notice Rin watching the boys and stealing glances at the attentive you. Seeing you like that made his stomach tingle. He really liked the way you paid attention even though you had no idea what Makoto was doing. You looked like a cute wannabe. Of course, he wouldn't admit that he was thinking that way.  
“That’s crawl. But Mako-chan’s speciality is backstroke”, Nagisa explained and mentioned Makoto’s fierce strokes.  
“My speciality is breaststroke, [Name]-chan. You better watch me!”

Time passed and it was Rei’s turn.  
He seemed calm at the beginning, however, when he was next to get in the pool, his nervousness was obvious and his hands trembled a little. Since you weren’t best buddies with the water you figured how you would feel if you were in his position. Did he actually feel the same way?  
“Fine!”, he huffed and when he put his glasses off, you promised to take care of them.  
“You can do it”, was all you could say and it probably didn’t do anything but make him blush.  
“Don’t underestimate the water”, was Haru’s advice and you couldn’t help but sigh.  
“You know, I think this makes him feel even more nervous, Haru…”

“His form is beautiful. Look, [Name]-chan, when you are at the starting block, you should bend like this, your hands holding onto the edge of it before you dive into the water”, the brunette male explained to you.  
“Why was he so insecure, though? If even Tachibana-kun says that his form is good…”  
Well, the answer to your question was handed to you on a silver platter.  
Rei lost is form halfway during his free fall and dropped into the water like a stone.  
A very, very dead stone.

 

“So… Rei-chan… you can’t swim?”  
Poor Rei. He was forced to join the joint practice even though he couldn’t swim. And Nagisa even wanted him to join the club.  
 _Wow, that’s a déjà vu right there._  
Of course, Rei should have mentioned something like that earlier but there’s no way he could, right? Swimming was something almost everyone was able to do, after all. It was embarrassing to suck at it and to sink like a stone like that. But that’s exactly why Rei should have mentioned it.  
No one would have guessed that he couldn’t swim because being able to swim was taken for granted. He could have saved himself from embarrassing situations like that if he had said something, though.  
Just like you would be able to save yourself by doing so. You kept it a secret for a while now, it couldn’t go on like this, right?   
_Right... I should tell them... now..._  
You wetted your lips and your heart started to pound faster at the thought that you finally would get rid of that dirty secret of yours.   
You took a few, deep breaths and parted your lips.  
But no words would come out.  
You wanted to tell Rei that he shouldn’t be embarrassed because you, too, couldn’t swim. Not being able to swim wasn’t a bad thing and nothing to be ashamed of. You wanted to console him so badly and thank him for coming along even though he can’t swim.  
But you couldn’t. You didn’t know why but as soon as you wanted to say something, your voice died. Rei must have felt the same way.  
“Look. It’s Haru’s turn”, you were glad that Makoto was somehow able to get Rei’s attention. A little distraction from his embarrassment would do him good.  
You, too, looked at Haru stepping on the starting block. You watched him closely, every move he made, hoping you’d learn something.  
And then, he dived into the water as if it was the most natural thing. To be honest, it almost wasn’t any different from Makoto’s or Nagisa’s dive. Almost. That’s what it seemed like.  
But it was different. Haru’s dive was like taking a breath, naturally and without thinking. And even though he didn’t think at all it was so…  
Oh it was so perfect.  
You have seen Haru swim before but that was totally different. Back then, you weren’t able to see him up close and the other day he only floated around. You weren’t able to see every muscle move ever so gracefully and causally.  
Seeing him like this made your belly tingle in awe and your heart clenched like it remembered something from the past.  
You had that feeling before.   
But you weren't the only one who was overwhelmed by Haru's beauty.  
Rei wanted to join the club as soon as Haru had entered the water. 

 

“Wow, so he really joined the Club”, Nana hummed, lost in thoughts as she walked together with you to school for club activities the next morning.  
“Even though he can’t swim, that reminds me of someone”, she said suggestively and wiggled her eyebrows. It seemed like she felt more relaxed after her emotional outburst a few days ago.   
“Yeah, I know…”, you sighed and your shoulders slumped when you thought about swim practice today.  
“They will notice it someday. Maybe even today, girl”  
You only managed a sheepish nod since the thought of getting into the pool alone was enough to frighten you. It would be too good to be true if you could stay a member of the Swim Club without being forced to swim. But that, of course, was dumb.  
“It’s really ironic. Back then, in elementary school, you wanted to join the Swim Club so badly… and now look at you. Well, times change, I guess. Just… please, take care”, Nana seemed a little upset about your attitude towards water. She loved swimming, too, especially when she was a kid. Nothing made her happier than you, joining the club with her. She’s always been like that. Energetic and eager. It was just like her to join the Swim Club back then. But you? Why did you want to join the club so badly?  
“I wanted to join the club… _badly_?”  
You gained a confused frown when she looked at you. She also seemed disappointed.  
“Don’t tell me you forgot about that, too?”, she sighed and rubbed her neck in a thoughtful manner. Nana didn’t want to tell you about the past anymore. It probably would convince you to keep on wanting to swim.  
“Well… back then, you used to pick me up from swim practice. You’d always stop and stare when you saw 'Haru-nii' swim, saying how beautiful he looked”  
"'H-Haru-nii'?", your cheeks flushed slightly when you frowned at her words.  
"That's what you used to call him"  
 _Oh my god... please, help me this is embarrassing. I hope Haru doesn't remember that..._  
It didn’t take you long to figure what she would say next.  
Of course. You saw Haru and Makoto swim a long time ago. You knew their strokes because you saw them with your very eyes. That’s why you know Haru’s stroke. And his swim style meant a lot to you.  
“It was him who inspired you to join the club

 

“Alright everyone! Now that the weather got better, we can start practice outside!!”  
 _Uh-Oh. I’m not prepared_ , well, you brought your aunt’s swimsuit along, however, having the tool without knowing how to use it was pointless. And dumb. And humiliating.  
Nana was right. It was a matter of time until they'd notice. Or seconds.  
Dressed in the azure swimsuit and wearing a sweater to cover your body, you felt the warm wind on your legs. Somewhat hasty you tried to pull the hem of said sweater over your thighs – to no avail.   
It was embarrassing, being seen by the boys like that. You thought that you caught Rei and Nagisa stealing embarrassed glances at you, Makoto tried to avoid you and Haru didn’t care at all.  
Or, that's what you thought. You couldn't stare at him for too long because it made you think of the way you used to call him.   
_Haru...-nii... oh god..._  
“[Lastname]-senpai… I’m sorry that you are the only girl... wearing a swimsuit”, Rei blushed heavily as he tried to cover his face by adjusting his glasses.  
“U-Uhm! Don’t worry about it! You look good, no matter what you wear”, even though the blond male tried to seem confident, he couldn’t hide his blush.  
You couldn’t help but sigh. This was embarrassing. Of course, back then, in elementary school, they were probably used to seeing girls in swimsuits. However, you aren’t a girl anymore. You are a woman. That wasn’t the same thing anymore.

A sudden splash and Kou’s shouting took you back to reality.  
 _Uh-Oh._  
Haru had jumped into the pool already, not giving a damn about anything and, even though you weren’t alone, you felt your heart race and a cold, scary sensation filled your stomach until you felt like throwing up. It made you feel sick and you could feel your hands shake. This was even worse than back then when Mami jumped into the pool. Because you knew that there was no turning back this time.  
Besides, there was a presentiment that made you feel dizzy with fear.

Makoto and Rei talked about the training regimen and you overheard some things. Well, you wouldn’t be able to swim a relay together with them, that’s for sure. But you could swim your personal style at the tournament, right?  
 _Well, that makes it complicating._   
What kind of style should you swim? Nagisa talked something about ‘Makoto’s speciality’ and ‘Nagisa’s speciality’ but what was yours?  
Wait. Did that matter? You wanted to race Rin, right? That meant that you swim the same style he did, right? So the main question was: What was Rin’s speciality?  
 _But there’s no way I could ask the guys, right…?_

“Okay then, let’s start with the turtle float”, Makoto suggested to Rei who was going to learn how to swim. Since you didn’t know how to swim yourself, you observed from the edge of the pool, not touching the water.  
You expected some kind of epic stroke, however, it actually was a test whether Rei could float or not. And, of course he could. There was no doubt that you were able to float, too, but knowing that didn’t make you feel any better.  
Rei seemed fine, however, as soon as he stretched his arms and legs out, he sunk. Like a stone.  
This was going to be a long day.

“Haruka-senpai, why do you swim?”, you could hear Kou and Haru talk sometime during practice but the others seemed way too focused to notice. You already knew that the raven-haired male loved swimming. But you never wondered why. Was that even important? Wasn’t it just fine to swim? Or did anything have to have a reason?  
“I don’t have a reason”, Haru said, after hesitating for a while. Well, that was probably a common answer. The most common one would probably be something like ‘’Cause I love it’ or something like that.  
Or was there something wrong with you? Did Kou and the other boys know something about swimming that you didn’t know of?   
Hah. Catch question. There was a lot of things you didn’t know about swimming.  
“My brother’s dream is to become an Olympic swimmer, that’s why he went all the way to Australia to study”, so that’s what Kou meant. Whether Haru swam for a certain purpose or not.  
Rin, for example, was really serious about swimming. He even went to a foreign country to study.  
That was… impressive.  
“I think he’s closer to his dream when he is with you guys… like… when you swam the relay”  
The relay you couldn’t join.  
Yeah. Those guys knew a lot more than you when it comes to swimming.  
Asthma wasn’t the only thing that keeps you from following them.  
Haru was looking at you before you knew it and saw that tear glister in your eye and the loneliness you felt.  
“Hey, [Name]-chan!! What are you doing? Come on, join us!!!”, Nagisa looked up at you, suddenly grabbing your wrists playfully and smiled brightly at you. He took you off guard so you weren't able to say anything.  
“U-Uhm… I think I wa-…”  
“Nono, you need to come in, too! It’s a little cold but.. whatever!”, he tugged at your arms, forcing you to lean forward. You tried to keep yourself out of the pool and defy Nagisa’s strength by leaning back.  
“ **No!** Nagisa, I-…!”

 

As soon as you fell into the water, everything went dark.   
Because your head knew what was going on, it shut down, trying to keep yourself from panicking. Or maybe you already panicked and that was the reason for the shutdown.  
It seemed like pitch black water enveloped you, filled your ears, your mouth, your lungs and at first, there was no sound that could have been able to get through to you. It was so silent, you were able to hear your very own blood rush through your veins, the hasty beat of your heart and your scared breaths as you allowed the water to fill your lungs.  
And then, there was a distant sound. It sounded like voices.   
Really high pitched voices, babbling, screaming and shouting but there were just too many to understand what they were saying.  
As time seemed to stop, you opened your mouth in an attempt to scream and shout but no words would come out.  
You were helpless, you couldn’t do anything but struggle, kick and hit the thick darkness.  
But maybe that was enough to be heard.  
You felt that way before. You knew that light that was reaching its hands out for you. You knew that feeling you had when you touched it and let yourself get pulled out of the darkness.

“[Name]-chan!!”  
“[Na-Name]-chan!”  
“[Lastname]-senpai!”  
When you opened your eyes again, Nagisa, Makoto and Rei looked at you with worried expressions.   
You breathed heavily, felt exhausted and tired. That fear wasn’t completely gone but it got less powerful gradually.  
It took you some time to understand that you were safe and that it was okay to cry but you couldn’t.   
Your eyes tear up but you didn’t have the courage to cry.  
“Guys…”  
You looked at every single one of them with gratitude and regret, thinking that they hated you for not telling them about your problem.  
And then you noticed that you were still in the pool and you couldn’t help but bite your tongue and-…  
“Hey, [Name]”  
Right before another panic attack could get the better of you, you turned towards the person who said your name.  
It was Haru who looked down at you, his hands on your waist. Haru’s hair was wet – obviously – and you were able to see the water drips running down his cheeks. Some of them even fell from his face on yours, making your dumbfounded face glitter in the sunlight.  
Your wide eyes and wet, parted lips looked beautiful to him but he didn’t think that thinking that was a big deal. He liked the water after all so why would it be a big deal to think of the wet you as beautiful?  
You had another déjà vu and remembered a child, looking down on you the same way Haru did. It was the same soothing look and its hair was also wet and its blue eyes caressed your wet cheeks.  
 _'I mean… it wasn’t Nana-chan who saved you! Because it was-…'_  
“H-Haru…”

 

“I-I-… sorry…”  
You weren’t even able to get out of the pool yourself. As soon as you noticed that you still were in the water, your body froze and you felt like screaming so the boys needed to help you out.  
 _This is the worst…_  
This time, you didn’t even bother holding the tears back.  
“I-I’m so sorry… Just like Ryuugazaki-kun… I can’t swim…”, since you were constantly cut off by nasty coughs it took you some time to finish your sentence.  
You sat on a bench in the changing room, facing the ground as your vision got blurry and you clenched your fists. Haru and Makoto sat next to you while Nagisa and Rei crouched in front of you to pet your hands, which were clenched on your thighs.   
“[Name]-chan… that’s no big deal…”  
“Right… I cannot swim either… [Lastname]-senpai”, but you shook your head vigorously.  
“No, that’s not quite it. I can’t swim. I just _can’t_. Haru had to save me twice by now. The first time was in elementary school, when I fell into the pool. I haven’t been to a pool ever since”, you couldn’t keep yourself from shaking since the panic that froze your body turned into pure fear.  
But there were no words to describe said fear.   
“You are afraid… right, [Name]-chan?”, it was Makoto this time who talked to you and gained a surprised, teary look from you.  
The male’s heart clenched at the sight as he remembered your tears from back then. It made him feel useless and pathetic. Not being able to help you was the worst and he definitely didn’t want to experience it again.  
“Is he right, [Name]-chan?”, Nagisa probed, a worried frown on his face as you nodded.   
Your breath got heavier and your chest felt tight, it got harder and harder to breathe.  
“That’s not the whole truth, right?”, Haru looked at you and handed you your asthma inhaler.  
Nana was right. There was no way you could keep anything a secret from them anymore.  
“Right…”, you took the inhaler to use it for a few breaths to soothe your lungs.  
“I’ve got asthma. That’s why I came to Iwatobi in the first place”  
“ **For real?!** Are you going to be okay?”, the blonde male literally shoved his face into yours when he leaned forward in all his worry and got a hold of your hands.   
Oh, he was so cute, you couldn’t help but smile sheepishly.  
“Yeah, it’s getting better...”

Since Haru told you to go home so you could rest – again – he, Makoto and Nagisa left the room, leaving you and Rei behind.  
It seemed like he wanted to say something but didn’t have to courage to do so. His cheeks were slightly red as he fidget and kept readjusting his glasses like he was trying to glue them onto his nose.  
“Uhm… [Lastname]-senpai… Please… do not do such reckless things again. If there is something you need help with…”, he didn’t manage to finish his sentence but there was no need to. You figured what he wanted to say.  
“Thank you… Ryuugazaki-kun”  
The smile he gave you was pricelessly beautiful.

 

You got a few messages from Makoto on your way home, telling you that Haru keeps telling you to rest and won’t shut up about it.  
 _Seriously… that boy’s overprotective_ , even though you were thinking that, you were glad that Haru was worried about you. He was giving you the cold shoulder but it seemed like this was all an act. He didn't want to treat you like that.  
 _'But, you know, he doesn’t seem like it but he worries a lot about things'_  
You figured. You just didn’t know why he would be protective over you, though. Because you had asthma? Because you couldn’t swim?  
 _And… [Name]-chan… remember when you told me to be honest with you? I want you, too, to be honest with me from now on.'_

_'Please.'_

 

“I told you it wasn’t a good idea! I wish you would listen to me for a change!! Really, you’re giving me a heart attack!!”, when your aunt came back home it was already dark.  
Of course, she wouldn’t stop asking you about your day and it was a matter of seconds until you told her that your practice was awful.  
She sat next to you on the sofa, gesturing with her hands wildly and you stopped listening.  
“I’m fine. They helped me so I’m fine”, you repeated over and over again but she wouldn’t listen.  
“I know! But what is going to happen next? Are you going to drown?!”  
“No, aunty, please, stop”  
“I don’t want to lose you! It was a shock when you fell into the pool in elementary school and it’s a shock now! I don’t want to experience it over and over again! So you’re going to quit-…”  
“ **Aunty, stop**!!!!”, your sudden outburst left you huffing and panting in exhaustion. It was enough. Being babied from all sides was horrible and pathetic.  
“I’m fine! And I’m going to be fine! They know about my asthma and they now about me being a stone when it comes to swimming, okay?! We are going to be careful and everything will be fine!! Besides, do you think I threw myself into the pool on purpose? That I felt like having a drink?! That I wasn’t scared shitless?!”, you felt your eyes tear up again so you avoided looking at her, who fell silent.  
You could hear her choke her anger down as she gathered all her courage to pull you into a loving hug.  
“I’m sorry… I’m so sorry, [Name]-chan…”, she whispered over and over again, rubbing her, slightly wet, cheek on yours. You could tell that she was crying silently.  
“I… I’m just so scared and angry at myself. I know what happened back then but I still let you join the club. I still let you make your own decisions, hoping you’d be alright”  
Your heart clenched as you embraced her, too. There was no way you could be mad at her.  
“I know…”, you whispered back, stroking her back.  
“And I’m going to be alright… because you are with me. And the boys are, too…”  
You know that she couldn’t afford to lose a child.  
Not again.

 

“Yo, [Lastname]”  
“She’s too cute to be called like that”  
“Why do I have to pick you up again?”  
“Because that’s what she deserves”  
There was a short pause.   
Your aunt and Rin were talking like this for a while, leaving you dumbfounded in between. It was obvious that Rin hated the way your aunty treated him but he also knew that he deserved it. He looked at you, then at your aunty and then back at you again.  
“Are you coming now?”  
“No, she won’t”  
“So you’re ditching me again?”  
“Yes, she is, deal with it, honey boy”  
You stepped outside and closed the door behind you so your aunt wouldn’t be able to follow you and leave the two of you alone.  
“I’m sorry…”, you sighed and tried to stifle a yawn.  
“I’m so exhausted I can’t think straight”  
Rin looked at your tired face. Why do you have to be so... _so_...  
“So your practice started, huh. How’s it?”  
You groaned and covered your face with your hands in response. You didn’t want to think about it anymore but everyone just kept on asking.  
“That good, huh?”  
“How was yours?”  
He shrugged.  
“Tell me about yours”  
“Matsuoka-kun, I don’t-…”  
“Come on”  
You shot him a glare, however, when you saw his red face you couldn’t help but stare. ‘Come on, girl, I’m trying to be considerate here’ was written all over his face. So you had to tell him, right?  
“Well… I fell into the pool and was saved. That’s all”, you told him, sheepishly and raised your shoulders in an attempt to disappear.  
“’That’s all’ my ass. You just can’t brush something like that off. It leaves marks”  
“You don’t have to tell me that”, you snarled back at him, crossing your arms in defense.  
Rin only clicked his tongue and rolled his eyes.  
“That’s not what I’m saying, idiot. Stop acting like it’s no big deal when you are scared to death”  
Makoto told you the same thing. Well, not exactly the same thing but he told you to be honest.  
You felt like a damn burden.  
“Sorry…”  
“You better be”  
And then there was silence.  
Well, for about five seconds, that is.  
“Did he kiss you?”  
“Aunty!!!”  
She was eavesdropping on you!!! She was literally putting her ear onto the other side of the door to eavesdrop!!!  
The maroon-haired male cleared his throat in an attempt to shake the embarrassment off - to no avail.  
“I’ll do some extra practice at Samezuka’s when everyone’s gone. Nitori’s there, too”  
Cool, but why was he telling you this?  
“What?”  
“He asks you to practice with him, idiot!!”  
“Aunty, stop!!!”  
“And… here”  
He handed you a small piece of paper without thinking about your aunty any longer. There was a number on it.  
A phone number.  
“Call me if you feel like ditching me again”  
Wait. No, no, wait. Why was he so nice? He treated everyone like shit, why was he treating you so nicely?  
Besides, he already had this piece of paper within his pocket! Even before he knew that you would ditch him a second time!!!  
“Caaaan you feeeel the looove toniiiiight”  
“Oh my god, aunty, **shut up**!!!!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure about this chapter. Is it really good ?=/  
> Well, there has to be a bad one once in a while, right?XPP  
> This chapter is another Haru-Reader-chan-Rin chapter and a little bit of Makoto and Rei (And Seijuurou, too) I guess everyone's in it =3  
> Aaaand they finally know about the asthma and non-swimmer thingy I'm glad I got this. To be honest, I wanted it to happen like this but I also was quite insecure on how to do it. But I guess it was good like that?  
> I don't know why but I don't have anything to say about this chapter D= Is that a good thing?  
> Let's change the topic!!  
> Thank you for all your comments, they really encourage me! Sometimes I don't feel like keeping on with this story for unknown reasons but then there are you guys, writing comments and giving my ego a huge boost and I feel like I can do anything!  
> I really hoped this chapter is alright and that you liked it!  
> Please, go ahead and leave your thoughts, complaints and wishes !  
> Stay/get healthy and take care!!


	15. He, holding on to you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Since your asthma got worse gradually in Tokyo, you returned to Iwatobi, your hometown and started living with your aunt.  
>  Sports was always something you weren't able to enjoy. And being afraid of the water, swimming was never an option.  
>  When you meet the swimming boys, you couldn't help but think of them as hot and unapproachable. However, you soon get dragged into their business and become the most important person to them.  
>  A person who'd not only see the water's surface but beneath it
> 
> (Re-upload, coming from Quotev)

„Are you **serious**?! You fell into the pool? Like-… like…”  
You sighed heavily at Nana’s reaction and your shoulders slumped in exhaustion as you sat in the bakery on a Saturday morning. You heard those words so many times you were sick of it. And you knew that Nana would say those words. That’s why you didn’t want to meet up with her on your next free day. But she wanted to go to the bakery so badly… Well, it’s not like she had to drag you with her. Going out to eat some cake with Nana once in a while sounded nice after all.  
“Let’s skip that part. I got Matsuoka-kun’s phone number”, you chose the best topic to distract her and you knew that she hated Rin. So Rin was the best pick.  
“ **Are you serious**??!!”, she exclaimed again.  
“Sh!!”, you hissed, leaning forward so she would hear you if you’d lower your voice.  
“How the-… _why_?!!”  
“Don’t know”, you shrugged and frowned slightly to show her that you were just as confused as her. You took a bite of the cake you ordered and chewed on it for a dramatic pause.  
“He also told me that we could practice together”  
“Ooooh, that guy’s totally into you!”  
You couldn’t help but laugh at that.  
“ _Of course_ , idiot”  
“What? You don’t believe me? Go on! Write him a ‘Good morning’ message. Let’s see how long it takes him to write back!”  
Your jaw dropped. Was she serious? Did she mean that? But… you couldn’t just… Just because Rin gave you his number you couldn’t just use it! Well, he gave you his number but you couldn’t use it!! No way!!  
“No! Better idea: Snapchat! Snapchat with him!”  
“Nana!!”, you whined as you felt your cheeks flush. But why? You had no problem with snapchating with Nagisa, Makoto and Haru, right? Was it because you thought Rin would reject you?  
“Come on now, don’t be shy!!”  
Would he reject you?  
“U-Uhm…”, that wasn’t right…  
But, at the same time, you wanted to try it so badly just for fun. So you made a picture of you and your cake and wrote a ‘Good morning’ message.  
“Send”  
“Good job! Let’s see how lo-…”  
 _Ring._  
Nana and you exchanged looks. Her surprised expression turned into an excited one.  
“Oh my goodness, what the hell! That was fast!!!! Go on, check it!”  
“I-I can’t!!!”, you whined, slightly scared of Rin and his response. You felt your heart race a little, without knowing why, and your hand trembled slightly. You behaved like a little girl but you didn’t care. Rin was scary and everyone agreed on that.  
“Check!”, Nana hissed and glared at you, obviously curious.  
Since Nana was even scarier than Rin sometimes you decided to check the mail.  
 _’ Wth? You woke me up’_  
There was a picture, showing him wearing a black tank top as he looked up at the camera with the tired death glare of his.  
“Oh god, he’s mad”, you whispered and looked at Nana, asking for some advice but she wouldn’t give you any. She’d only snort and laugh at you.  
As you were wondering whether you should ignore his message or write back, another one came in.  
Again from Rin.  
It was another picture of him but this time he yawned, showing his teeth with one eye closed. His eye tear up a little due to the yawn and he looked… rather cute.  
_’Mornin’’_  
“Oh my goodness, [Name]-chan!! Oh my goodness!!”  
“Shut up!!”, you hissed, lowering your voice again and looking into complaining faces of costumers. It was embarrassing, being watched like this because Nana couldn’t hold her voice in.   
You bowed slightly to apologize yourself and, when you saw a familiar face you shrunk in your seat, trying to hide yourself.  
“Eh? [Name], what’s wrong?”  
“Over there”  
It was Rei. He seemed really focused on the cakes, rubbing his chin every now and then in a thoughtful manner. You didn’t know why he would look so seriously at cake. Wasn’t cake something you could enjoy? Something you could feel? Why did he look like he analyzed it?  
“Oi, Rei-kun!”, Nana suddenly exclaimed, making the tall male flinch. He spun around and when his eyes met yours there was a priceless expression of horror on his face.  
You hated her for calling out to him like that.   
“[La-… Lastname]-senpai”, it wasn’t like him to stutter like that.  
“What are you doing here? Getting something for your girlfriend?”, Nana teased him, grinning suggestively as she wiggled her eyebrows. Blood rushed into Rei’s cheeks, making him blush heavier than anything. Of course he tried to hide it by adjusting his glasses again, however, he was way too flustered to notice that his hand was shaking.  
“M-M-My… gi-…”, his Adam’s apple moved as he gulped and tried to avoid her eyes which pierced right through him.  
“Nana, stop it”, you scolded her, pitying Rei. He was such a pure and innocent human being, how could anyone tease him like that? Well, that was probably the reason why she would tease him.  
“Hey, Ryuugazaki-kun, you get some cake, too?”, you tried to change the subject swiftly, glaring at Nana so she would keep silent.  
Rei gave you a shy smile, looking at his purchases.  
“U-Uhm… this-… this is not for me, so…”, his gulps cut him off as he turned his face away.  
“So it **is** for your girlfriend”  
“N-No! Sh-She is not my girlfriend…”  
Aha. But it was a she, right?

 

“Ah, [Name]-chan! You’re back early!”, your aunty shouted from the living room to greet you. Usually, she’d work at her office, however, this time it seemed like she had a patient coming over.  
“Hallo, [Name]-chan”, you recognized Makoto’s voice and your eyes widened in surprise.  
“Onee-chan!!!!”, Ran and Ren run towards you and jumped on your waist, hugging you dearly.  
You returned their hug, dumbfounded.  
“Since Sena-san is coming over for a check up I decided to stay at home so he wouldn’t have to come all the way to my office. Tachibana-kun probably saw the note I left at my office and came over. His siblings-…”  
A synchronized sneeze interrupted your aunt. It was Ran and Ren who must have caught a cold.  
“We caught a cold!”, Ran whined, tugging on your shirt with one hand, rubbing her nose with the other.  
“Ah, Ra-…”  
“It’s awful”, Ren sniffled as Makoto wanted to scold his younger sister. They looked at you with pleading eyes, obviously wanting you to make it stop. Although you knew it was only a cold, you felt so bad for them. You couldn’t help but stroke their heads in a soothing manner.  
Haru and you, too had caught a cold so you knew how they felt.   
“That’s really bad. My aunty will give you some medicine”, you soothed those sniffling children, crouching in front of them to be at eye level with them.  
Your aunt stole glances at you every now and then, pretending to search for the medicine. But the most interesting thing to her was Makoto, looking at you. He could never get used to the way you treated his younger siblings, it was fascinating to him. Every time he was fascinated and surprised by your actions. For example, you, joining the Swim Club for Nagisa’s sake and being so casually about it. He was sure that you were bothered by it, though, and couldn’t help but feel worried. Ever since you confessed that you couldn’t swim he felt bad. He felt even worse than before, when he took you to the old Swim Club building.  
You, trying to smile even though you fell into the pool a day ago. Makoto couldn’t tell for sure whether you were scared but he assumed it.  
“Oh, right, [Name]-chan!”, your aunty almost startled Makoto to death.  
“Someone put something in the mailbox for you”, she handed Makoto the medicine for his younger siblings and at the same time she took a rose out of a vase.  
There was a small note attached to its stalk.  
~ To [Name]-chan ~  
Even the thorns have been removed so you wouldn’t hurt yourself.  
However, even though you held it in your very hands you couldn’t believe that such things like ‘roses’ actually existed. It was romantic but it took you some time to realize that it was also reality.  
“I don’t know from whom, though… Well, it’s great anyway, isn’t it? A secret admirer, how romantic!!!”, your aunty cheered, putting an arm around your neck end snuggling her cheek up against yours.  
“Right?”  
“U-Uh… yeah…”, you were too dumbfounded to give your aunt a serious response. Since your aunt wasn’t much of a help, you raised your head to look up at Makoto.  
Your eyes met, as is often the case, but this time it was different. His eyes widened, you couldn’t tell whether out of shame or surprise and he turned his face away from you, hiding a small blush on his cheeks.  
“U-Uhm… today there won’t be club activities at school… but a meeting at Haru’s place… do you mind if we go together?”

Makoto has been silent the whole time. You could hear him gulp every now and then, sometimes he’d even scratch the back of his head. But all that would turn into stiff walking soon after. He was obviously hiding something from you. Or couldn’t he show it to you?  
“Tachi-…””[Nam-]-…”  
You cleared your throat to hide the embarrassment in your voice when the two of you started to talk at the same time.  
“Go first…”, the brunette male said, obviously not wanting to start. But you didn’t know what to say either! You just wanted to say something!  
“Uhm… so… I’m going to be honest with you so please, be honest, too…”, was the only thing you could think of when you remembered the last mail he sent to you a day ago.  
“Honest…”, he repeated silently, looking down at the ground and it seemed like he was waiting for the right answer to appear.  
“I… When you told us that you are afraid of the water… I felt really bad. ‘I forced a girl, who is afraid of the water, to join the Swim Club’ was what I thought…”, his face never was that serious and you knew that guilt was eating him alive.  
“I see…”, you weren’t sure how to respond. You almost panicked when they asked you to join the Swim Club so you couldn’t possibly say that it was ‘no big deal’, right? Since he told you to be honest…  
“I should have told you guys that I am afraid… there was no way you could have known so you’re not at fault…”, you wanted to make him feel at ease since nothing could change the fact that you were a member anyway. There was no point in complaining now, was it?  
“And somehow I will be fine-…”  
“ _[Name]-chan_ ”, Makoto suddenly interrupted you, stopped walking and looked at you. You couldn’t decipher his expression at all. It was a mixture of worry and gentle anger. It felt like he was scolding you like the big brother he was.   
Slightly surprised, you halted and looked at him with wide and questioning eyes. Your expression made him flinch slightly, he thought about his behavior and deemed it to be wrong and horrifying. That certainly wasn’t the way he wanted to look like.  
“Uhm… you don’t have to be fine for our sake… if you are afraid, ask for help. I saw you. I saw you fall into the pool years ago and I saw you fall into the pool yesterday. And nothing has changed, [Name]-chan”, your heart clenched at his worried words, however, you couldn’t tell why. You knew that yourself, all of it. Nothing has changed and it was embarrassing. But it was even more embarrassing to make those guys worry about you so much.  
“I want to change it…”, you mumbled, shrinking slightly as if you tried to avoid something unpleasant.  
“I just don’t know how… every time I have to think about getting into the water, my body goes stiff… I don’t know how to put it… but I’m really, really afraid”, Makoto probably thought that you were dumb and too much of a bother, since every single one of them seemed to love water so much and here you were, complaining.  
“Sorry…”, you tried to chuckle the tears away that began to make your eyes burn.  
“That sounds stupid”  
“ **No, not at all**!!”, the brunette male was quick to respond stepping forward enthusiastically. When he noticed how loud his voice got, he blushed slightly as he cleared his throat.  
“I mean… it’s not stupid at all… because…”, you could hear him gulp again and it was obvious that there was something he wanted you to know but it wasn’t easy to put it into words.  
“I am afraid, too”, his voice was low, a whisper only but, at the same time, it seemed so loud that it made your body shake. Your lips parted in surprise and there was a strange sensation within your stomach that gave you goosebumps.  
“I’m also afraid of the water, [Name]-chan. That’s why it’s not stupid at all”  
“B-But… you…”, you stuttered, searching for words to be able to describe your current condition, but there were none.  
“I can swim. Because, when my friends are with me, I’m fine. Because I swim for my friends, I’m fine”, there was a gentle smile on his lips, making you feel like there was no need to pity him. Because he was fine. He was better than you.  
So, he was able to overcome is fear every time he got into the water? How did he do it? And, if he was able to do it, could you do it, too? Wait. Could he help you deal with water? Could he actually help you out?!  
“Teach me how to overcome my fear!!!”, you suddenly blurted out, your eyes sparkled with thirst for action which startled poor Makoto slightly.   
The fear of water was something you always had to live with. If there was an opportunity to overcome said fear, why would you back down? You joined the Swim Club anyway so you had to get into the water one way or another. And you sure didn’t want Haru to save you anymore. However, you couldn’t deny that fear was growing within you.  
“U-Uhm, o-of course!!”

“A-Ah! [Name]-senpai! Tachibana-senpai!”, on the way to Haru’s house you met Rei who seemed a little lost.  
“Nagisa-kun told me to come to Nanase-senpai’s house but I cannot find it…”  
So the three of you ended up walking together to Haru’s place, chatting a little. Rei’s behavior seemed insecure and more formal than usual, almost stiff. He moved like a robot, whose joints needed a ton of oil. He was also hiding something from you the whole time and Makoto was trying to loosen the embarrassing tension. To no avail.   
You had absolutely no idea why Rei would behave like that. Nothing happened, right?  
Was he feeling awkward because he saw you sink like a fish yesterday? Or was he embarrassed because you saw him at the bakery. Really? Why would any of those reasons be a big deal? Was it that bad for boys to enjoy sweets once in a while? Or did he see something when you fell into the pool he shouldn’t have? Oh god. That was the worst possibility of all times.  
 _Don’t think about that. Don’t get upset by thinking too much._

“Haru! We’re coming in!”, Makoto shouted, just like the usual and opened the door. You took off your shoes and excused yourself for intruding but there was no response.  
“Is he in the tub again?”, you frowned and looked at Makoto who chuckled a little at your comment. You started to get familiar with the boy’s habits and it seemed like the brunette male was slightly happy about it. You didn’t know why though.  
“No… not this time”, he wouldn’t say anything after that which made him seem rather mysterious despite his gentle smile.  
“Is he even at home…?”, Rei mumbled confused and frowned, too.  
“Come on, let’s go to the living room”, Makoto didn’t answer the question and started to get more and more flustered every second that passed. You two asked too many questions he couldn’t answer.  
When you entered the living room, the door behind you and Rei slammed shut, locking the last beam of light out. It was completely dark and you couldn’t help but whine a little at the sudden noise and cling onto the most convenient and closest thing to you. You could hear Rei gulp, he, too, was way too surprised to hide it.  
“T-Tachibana-kun?””Tachibana-senpai?”

 

“ **Welcome**!!”  
The sudden, bright flash hurt your eyes, forcing you to close them for a second since you finally got used to the dark. It took you some time to open your eyes again but the sight made you forget every second it took you.  
Haru, Nagisa and Kou were there, gathered around the small table, throwing and blowing paper streamers around – save for Haru, that is, who held a cake. The usual plain living room had turned into a colorful, welcoming scenery, making your jaw drop. It looked like they were celebrating Christmas and Birthdays all at once.  
Rei’s and yours, that is.  
“It’s a warm welcome! Since you joined the club even though the both of you can’t swim!”, Kou cheered, clapping a few times to show how proud she was.  
“Look how surprised they are! Rei-chan and [Name]-chan are even holding hands!!”  
Rei and you were too dumbfounded to get what was happening. The surprise took you off guard after all. That’s why you haven’t noticed that you clung onto Rei’s arm ever since the door was slammed shut behind the two of you. That was probably the reason for Rei’s gulp.  
The real reason.  
“ **Gha**!”, but even Rei himself hasn’t noticed that you were still clinging onto him.  
“O-Oh, sorry!”, you stuttered, letting go of Rei’s arm as you stumbled a few steps back. You looked down to hide your slight blush, so you couldn’t see the raging storm of embarrassment on Rei’s face. Of course, he tried to hide it by readjusting his glasses, just as always, but there was no way his hand was able to hide the heavy blush on his face.  
Everyone but you saw it. And everyone was thinking differently of the situation.  
“We have cake!!”  
Luckily, Kou was there.

In the end, there were no club activities at all. You ended up looking at pictures from the boy’s past, chuckling every now and then at how cute they were. There weren’t many pictures of Nagisa though.  
“Oh, we met Nagisa a few years after you moved to Tokyo”, Makoto explained, smiling gently at you. And since he was younger than you, he wasn’t in the same class as the other boys.  
“Woah! Is that [Name]-chan?!”, Nagisa suddenly exclaimed, pointing at a baby picture. You leaned on the table to get a better look on the tiny form you used to be. It surprised you a little that Haru also had this picture.   
“Yeah. I have that picture, too”, you smiled, lost in thoughts. It was a shame that you had to leave Iwatobi. You probably would have a better bound with Haru than nowadays. He probably hated you right now.   
You couldn’t help but steal some secret glances at the raven-haired male, who looked at the picture, also lost in thoughts.   
Why did your relationship have to change? You even called him ‘Haru-nii’ back then, or that’s what Nana told you.   
The worst thing, however, was that you couldn’t remember a thing about Haru. The only thing you knew was that Haru inspired you to join the Swim Club back then.   
“Woah, is that Haru-chan? Are you two holding hands?”, Nagisa took you back to earth.  
“Uh… yeah. We met… in the past…”, you said sheepishly, without noticing that green orbs were looking at you and Haru, slightly melancholic.   
“Amazing! But let’s move to a picture of me, okay?”, Nagisa cheered but he didn’t have to look hard.  
“Oh, right there!”  
Kou and you couldn’t help but laugh at the picture. It was a picture of Nagisa, jumping onto Haru’s back.  
“Oh my god, you were so cute back then”, Kou laughed.  
“Yeah, but look at their faces”, you chuckled, pointing at Haru’s grim expression and Nagisa’s cheerful one.  
“They haven’t changed at all”, and it was a good thing. They sure grew a bit but they stayed the same so you could say that you haven’t missed out on anything, right? Nagisa was still cheerful, Makoto still caring and Haru was just being Haru.  
Wait. No, that wasn’t quite it.  
Something has changed after they met Rin, right?  
“Eeeeeeh?! Not fair, [Name]-chan! Didn’t I grew a lot?! I got manlier, didn’t I?!”, the blond male suddenly complained loudly, shoving his hurt expression into your face. Your breath hitched slightly at that in surprise.  
“E-Eh…?”  
“H-Hazuki-kun! Please, mind her private space!”, Rei tried to control Nagisa but we wouldn’t be talking about Nagisa if it was that easy to control him.  
“Look at my muscles and how manly I got!”

So the ‘party’ ended just like that. You saw Haru’s photo album but not a single photo with Rin on it. There probably was a good reason for that but which one could that be?  
“Ah, that’s bad! Rei-chan and I need to leave now!”  
“W-Wait!!”, Nagisa was about to drag Rei with him, however, he resisted a little to show you a pink packet. It looked like something from a bakery…  
“[Lastname]-senpai, Hazuki-kun told me where you live so I visited your house but you were not there… so I give it to you like that”  
 _Oh._  
 _ **OH!**_  
Your hands reached out on reflex and it took your brain a while to comprehend what was going on. Nagisa, Kou and Makoto looked at the packet, slightly curious. The blond male even smiled suggestively, Haru, however, didn’t seem to care. He took care of the dishes.  
“For me?!”, you finally managed to say, your eyes widened at the realization that someone gave you a present. A cake at that!  
“Y-Yes. For you. Who is not my girlfriend”, poor guy. It must have been embarrassing as hell for him when he met Nana and you in the bakery.  
“U-Uh… thank you, I-…”  
“It is because you… fell into the pool the last time and seemed really upset…”, he mumbled, his cheeks grew red with shyness.  
“I-… do not want to see you like that again, [Lastname]-senpai…”

“Uhm… Haru? Where do I put those?”, Makoto and you helped Haru out, washing dishes with him since you felt slightly guilty after Kou, Nagisa and Rei had left. They did everything for Rei and you after all.  
“Over there”, he nodded at a cupboard that was rather high. You doubted that you’d reach up there, but you wanted to at least try it. So you opened the kitchen cupboard and heaved the plates up, over your head.  
“A-Ah, wa-wait, [Name]-chan!”  
Of course, the plates shook and one of them was about to fall off the top and it almost hit your forehead if it wasn’t for Makoto, sheltering your head with his hand and catching the plate with the other.  
“Please, be careful!”, you heard him scold you gently and it left you feel frustrated.  
“Haru, why did you make her take care of those plates anyway!”, and then, the brunette male scolded Haru gently. He sure liked teaching people right from wrong.  
“Because she wanted to”, the raven-haired male shrugged, looking at you. He probably haven’t thought about you, being too small to actually reach up there. But when his eyes met yours, he blushed slightly, turning away from you to hide the guilt in his eyes.  
“You can take care of the mess in the living room, [Name]”  
And so you did. Because you were useless anyway, right?  
You spent some time cleaning the room and even after that time you barely could see the tatami matts.   
Nagisa sure loved confetti and paper streamers.

“I’m sorry but Ran and Ren need some help with their homework… I have to go now”, Makoto looked at you apologetic. He felt really guilty but there was no helping it, right?  
“It’s fine, I got this”, you assured and you gave him a confident smile. But you didn’t see what he saw.  
There was confetti and some paper streamers in your hair, he couldn’t think of any possible way how they got on your head but he loved thinking about all the possibilities.  
You, rolling on the floor because you loved confetti that much.  
You, tripping and falling into a pile of confetti.  
You-…  
“Tachibana-kun?”  
“A-Ah, right! Thank you”  
He left in an embarrassed hurry.

“Oh? Haru, do you have a moment?”, under piles of confetti you found the picture you were looking at the other day. It was the picture of Haru and the others when they were kids, smiling happily. Even Rin smiled.  
The raven-haired male followed your voice, drying his hands on the apron he was wearing.  
“Did something happen?”, he looked at you and your messy hair.  
Seriously, first you painted your face blue then you put confetti into your hair. And here he was, thinking you hurt yourself and was worried for you. What was wrong with you?  
You stupid girl.  
“Uh… no… I found this picture and wanted to ask you whether you want to put it into the photo album”  
His blue orbs looked at the picture in your hands as he sat himself next to you.  
“You really haven’t changed at all”, you chuckled and looked at the picture, then at him and at the picture again. You didn’t notice that his blue orbs pierced you.  
“Why do you keep saying that?”, he then asked, frowning in confusion. But there probably was something other than confusion.   
Something more jealous and mad.  
His hand took yours which was holding the picture gently, not letting you out of his sight. You could feel his eyes look directly into your soul and it made you feel cold and hot at the same time.   
“W-What?”  
“Don’t say that. I changed. And so did you. We both changed”, he took the picture out of your hand and let it fall somewhere onto the ground before taking your hand again.  
He intertwined his fingers with yours and your heart skipped a beat at the warmth of his hand.   
Haru looked at your hands, holding onto each other tightly. He looked so nostalgic and melancholic it hurt.  
“H-Haru… what is it?”

When you called out to him he raised his head to look at you again.   
Those blue eyes seemed hurt.   
Something had changed and Haru knew that. The way he held your hand, the way he looked at you and thought of you had changed.   
That was scary.   
“It’s nothing. Come on, I take you home”

 

“Aren’t you getting in the pool, [Lastname]-senpai?”, Nitori crouched next to you, taking Rin’s time and frowned worriedly at you. After you’d left Haru’s place, you got a mail from Rin, telling you that Nitori wanted to ask you whether you wanted to do some extra practice with them after Haru took you home in awkward silence. You weren’t quite sure about that though. Rin didn’t always say the things he meant so maybe it was him asking you to come after all. But why would he do that, right?  
“N-No… sorry…”, it was a bad contradiction. You brought your swimsuit even though you didn’t intend to go into the water. Why did you come here?  
“Eh? But why is that, [Lastname]-senpai?”, Nitori would say your name at the beginning and the end of a sentence, it was really hard to get used to it. It probably was something also Rin had to endure.  
“Oi. If you don’t take my time you can get out and do your homework”, neither Nitori nor you noticed that Rin was already done swimming his lap.  
“W-Wha-… I-I am so sorry, Matsuoka-senpai, I-…”  
“It’s fine”, the maroon-haired male clicked his tongue in annoyance, he probably was sick of hearing Aiichirou’s excuses over and over again but he didn’t seem mad at him.  
“Just go do your homework”  
“Y-Yes!! Please, visit us any time, [Lastname]-senpai”, even though it was obvious that the gray-haired male wanted to talk to you a little longer, he left, leaving the stopwatch behind.  
And everything fell silent.  
Rin didn’t say a word, neither did you. There wasn’t a thing you could talk about, you didn’t even know how to get a conversation started so you thought about Haru and his awkward behavior hours ago. That Matsuoka guy seemed way too complicated to know whether he preferred a good talk or an even better silence.  
“Why did you come here if not for practice?”, he suddenly asked, not even looking at you as he put his googles on again, letting the strap snap back at the back of his head. It made a painful sound but he didn’t even flinch.  
You didn’t want to think about a good answer because you knew that there wasn’t an answer which could satisfy him.  
“Dunno…”, you looked at the water. Since it was getting dark outside, there wasn’t much light that could give your expression away. But still, Rin saw your insecurity and the raging storm of emotions within every pore of yours.  
He saw it all.  
Even though he did, he wasn’t able to say a thing. He was lost himself, how was he supposed to soothe someone who was just like him? That’s why all he was able to do was click his tongue again.  
“Give me the sign and take my time”  
“E-Eh…?”  
“Just do it”  
“Okay…”, it took you some time to get your head out of the clouds but soon after you managed to do that, you took the stopwatch.  
“Ready… go!”  
The time ran and so did Rin. At least, that’s what it seemed like. As soon as he heard your voice, he kicked himself off of the pool’s wall and began to race the time. And, boy, was he fast.  
That was the first thing you noticed. His speed. After that, you noticed that he also did the crawl, just like Haru. But, unlike Haru’s stroke, his was hasty, just like he was running from something.  
Like he was running from the time as if it was the most fearful thing to him. It didn’t take him long to turn and hit the wall right beneath you, gasping audibly for air.   
Rin was panting heavily and it seemed like he’d collapse anytime.  
“Are you-…”  
“What’s the time?”  
“Uhm…”, he didn’t even care for your words, all he paid attention to was his time.   
You looked down on the watch’s display and tried to read the time.  
But you couldn’t. The numbers were still changing and running. You were so mesmerized by his speed that you forgot about taking the time.  
Now it was your turn to gasp audibly.  
 _He’s going to kill me. He’s going to frigging kill me._  
“What?”  
 _Oh no, I’m not ready to die yet._  
“I-I-… forgot to stop the time…”, you showed him the numbers which were running for their lives. And, seeing Rin glare at you, you felt like running for your live yourself.  
“I’m really sorry, I was too awestruck by your speed!”, you made up excuses, knowing that he’d chop your head off anyway but all he did was glare at you. And that was pretty much the usual. He didn’t even scold you but he couldn’t suppress a sigh.  
“Never mind. I don’t think that the time changed. And it was my last anyway”, he looked out of the windows, seeing how dark it got.  
Thank god, he seemed rather reasonable.  
“So? Are you actually going to practice a little during extra practice or not?”, he took his cap and googles off and shot piercing glances at you and you winced a little at that.  
“Not now, I-…”  
“Why did you come here, then? To **not** stop my time?”  
You shot him a glare, gritting your teeth in frustration. Because he was right, you felt frustrated.  
“Listen, I already said I am sorry, what else do you want me to do?”  
Rin fell silent. He wanted you to continue talking because he knew that he wouldn’t find the right words to say. He’d only hurt you and he knew that.  
“I don’t know why I’m here. I just feel like… I can’t swim, I’m scared, I feel like I have to do something even if it’s just looking at others, who actually can swim and are not afraid of the water”  
“So you already had practice but you were scared?”  
You nodded, looking down at the water helplessly. It was frustrating, wanting something so badly but being too afraid to actually go get it.   
You really wanted to know why those guys were smiling like idiots on that picture from the past.  
Rin sighed, rolling his eyes.  
“Give me your hand”, he raised his hand out of the water, leaving you speechless. You saw his hand and the way he looked away from you but you couldn’t comprehend what his intention was.  
“Wha-…”  
“Your hand. Give it to me”  
“I-…”  
It didn’t take him long to grab your hand, causing you to squeal a little.  
“What are you doing?!”  
“Isn’t that obvious, stupid?! You’re going to get into the water! Now!”  
“ _What_?!”, panic got the better of you again and you felt like pulling your hand away and run for your life.  
“At least touch it!”  
“N-No!!!”  
“Yes! Now!”  
“ **No, I can-** …!”  
 _Splash._   
Your hand got dragged into the water by Rin’s.  
“Oh god…”, you whispered, feeling your blood pressure raise and your heart race. The cold and wet sensation gave you goosebumps, even though you felt Rin’s warm grip around your wrist. And even though you could see the bottom of the pool it felt like there was something you couldn’t see. Something that would grab your hand and drown you.  
“Oi…”  
Your breath raced but it still felt like you couldn’t breathe at all. Like there was no air left for you to breathe. Like you were under water, breathing nothing but water in. Your vision got blurry and you felt hot tears making your eyes sting. There was something.  
There was something for sure and it wanted to drown you. It wanted to take you down, deep down so there wouldn’t be anyone who was able to reach you. It wanted you to gasp for air so your lungs would fill with water. It would make your chest hurt and make your limbs go numb.  
You would lie on the bottom of the sea, with no one to help you, without being able to move an inch.  
“ **Oi, [Name]**!”  
Or that’s what you thought. But nothing happened. Rin was with you, looking up at you.  
The water didn’t seem that cold anymore and your hand felt really warm. It was only then that you realized that Rin had intertwined your fingers with his, holding your hand gently but firmly just like Haru had before.   
The panic left as fast as it came and left you panting slightly.  
“See?”, Rin’s voice reached to you and it was almost unbelievable how gentle he sounded. But you still couldn’t look at anything but the water. It felt like something was going to happen if you’d turn away.  
“[Name], look at me”, you felt his hand tug at yours and you couldn’t help but look at him.  
His red eyes looked at you ever so gently and it felt like there was no point in hiding secrets. He knew everything and all those things he didn’t know yet won’t be secrets for long.  
“I’m right here. Nothing’s going to happen”

“Rin-…”  
“Okay, it’s getting late, you should go now”, he let your hand go as fast as he grabbed it and turned away from you.  
However, you could see that the tip of his ears were a flaming red.  
"Thank you..."  
"Shut up, idiot..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have absolutely no idea whose chapter this is. I guess everyone is involved and emotionally involved so it's okay. I actually like this chapter, don't know why though. The title... wellp, what do you think? ;)  
> And your comments are so sweet and lovely! I'm glad that you like this story and keep on reading and I'm thankful for every comment, really!  
> I love you all so much and I hope that I'm giving you all the love you deserve with this story xP  
> So, please, stay/get healthy and take care of yourself!!


	16. He, yearning for your attention

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Since your asthma got worse gradually in Tokyo, you returned to Iwatobi, your hometown and started living with your aunt.  
>  Sports was always something you weren't able to enjoy. And being afraid of the water, swimming was never an option.  
>  When you meet the swimming boys, you couldn't help but think of them as hot and unapproachable. However, you soon get dragged into their business and become the most important person to them.  
>  A person who'd not only see the water's surface but beneath it
> 
> (Re-upload, coming from Quotev)

“Hey, look, Gou-chan, we would like to have some matching uniforms for-…”, Kou slapped the magazine out of Nagisa’s hand, showing him a training regimen.   
Everyone fell silent in the clubroom. It took you the whole Sunday to prepare yourself for the next swim practice, however, there was no training that could prepare you for Mondays. Or Kou's anger.   
Besides, Nana wouldn’t let you think of anything else but the rose someone put into your mailbox. Even your aunt was talking about it a lot but it wasn’t a big deal, right? Maybe it was a prank. Maybe it didn’t mean anything.  
“Forget about the uniforms, look at this regimen! Since Rei-kun and [Name]-senpai can’t swim, I made a new one”  
Great. That means that you got special treatment. As always. You couldn’t help but sigh heavily. You felt so useless it was frustrating!  
“And… there’s another thing”, the maroon-haired girl looked at Rei and you, a serious expression on her face. She looked like she was facing the devil.  
“You have to learn how to swim within a week”  
 _What?!_  
Rei and you exchanged looks, dumbfounded and it seemed like there was some kind of conversation going on. You felt like you could read Rei’s mind which was most likely a reflection of yours.  
“ **Pfhahahaha**!!!”, you started to laugh along with Rei.   
There was no way you could do that. It was taking you a while to actually get into the pool it would take even longer to learn how to swim. That was dumb.  
“That’s impossible-…”  
“That’s no laughing matter!!!”  
“Y-YES!!!”  
“Y-Yes ma’am!”

“O-Okay then… [Name]-chan”  
While Nagisa was trying to help Rei out, Makoto sat next to you on the edge of the pool, looking at you with the most insecure expression you’ve ever seen. This was due to you, becoming a trembling wreck whenever you decided to put your foot into the water. Well, he already knew about that. And you knew that he was afraid of the water, too.  
“We-… we need to get you into the water”  
Haru looked at Makoto and you, sighing every now and then and it was obvious that he pitied Makoto.  
“I-I know…”  
One week. Learning how to swim within one week.  
How is that even possible?!  
“O-Okay…”, the brunette male didn’t want to force you and he gave you all his patience he had. But you were crouching there for at least twenty minutes already.  
It was strange. Rin was able to make you put your hand into the water and he was able to soothe you. You thought you’d be fine since you already managed that but it seemed like you were wrong. It wouldn’t be that easy now, would it?  
“You shouldn’t resist the water”, when Haru suddenly said something, you flinched and covered your face with your hands. It was horrible.  
“That’s right, [Name]-chan. The water is like a tool. If you know how to use it you can do anything!”  
“Did Haru mean it like that?”, you looked at Makoto, confused as you tilted your head.  
“No-…”  
“Yes. Yes he did”, Makoto smiled at you, slightly helpless since he knew that Haru would make things even more difficult and hard to understand.  
The younger Tachibana slipped into the pool gently, making sure he wouldn’t startle you with his sudden movement.  
“Okay then…”, he sighed carefully, he really had no idea on what to do with you. He tried to talk some reason into you, he tried to give you suggestive glances, telling you that he could sympathize with you and that you had to know that since he told you how he felt about the water.  
Makoto was so caring and wanted to help you out so badly that it was heart-wrenching. However, it might have moved your heart but not your body. Your body wouldn’t move an inch. Every time you wanted to slide your foot into the water, you’d stop all of a sudden. Even though you wanted to convince yourself that you’d be fine, that Makoto and Haru would be there to watch over you and that Rin already managed to help you the other day, it was no use.  
Your chest felt tight and it was hard to breathe. You felt numb as if your body wasn’t yours any longer. And, oh, it was so frustrating!  
“[Name]-chan…”, Makoto looked up at you with worried eyes and it felt like he also pleaded a little for you to join him, Nagisa and Rei. Even Nagisa and Rei tried their best, why couldn’t you?   
You could see them stealing glances at you but not even that gave you courage. You couldn’t help but feel save, curled up into a ball without having to touch the water but it was pointless. You wanted to leave your current state but you couldn’t.  
“[Name]-chan.”, this time, Makoto didn’t sound like he pleaded. He didn’t sound like he would give you all the time you needed. Was he pressuring you? Well, you couldn’t blame him, could you? He was waiting for you to get in the pool for thirty minutes by now. Of course he’d grow impatient.  
No. It wasn’t impatience. He wanted to encourage you by telling you that you didn’t have all the time you needed. You had to learn how to swim within one week. You had anything but time.  
Green orbs pierced you gently as he reached his hand out for you. You really wanted to take it.  
But you didn’t.  
You had no idea why Rin was able to help you.  
Well, it wasn’t quite ‘helping’ either, right? Rin pushed you towards the right direction without letting you see the road. Makoto, on the other hand, was preparing you painfully slowly. You could see everything and it scared you.  
“Sorry…”

 _Why can’t I do this?_  
 _Why can’t I do this?_  
 _Why won’t it work?_  
Your head was working relentlessly for the past fifteen minutes you had spent in the changing room, sitting on the bench, curled up into a ball. It felt like the fear of water was getting bigger by second. You knew that you weren’t alone. Makoto was also afraid, you knew that. And Makoto really wanted to help you but you were shutting him out. He probably felt even worse than you were.  
You sighed when the memory of you, falling into the pool was replayed by your mind. You saw yourself, like you were some kind of bystander.  
The reason why you couldn’t do this was inside your head and the reason you absolutely wanted to do this was outside this changing room.

When the door to the room opened it was already dawn. You spent the whole practice within that room while the others were worried and felt bad.  
While the boys were changing you crouched on the edge of the pool again, glaring at it and asking yourself why it was taking you so long to ‘not resist’ the water.  
You haven’t noticed that you were sighing heavily for quite some time.  
“[Name]…”, Haru, who was standing next to you, startled you to death. He was still dressed in his swimsuit, which was quite the surprise since anyone else was changing.  
“Oh… Hey…”, you sighed again, looking back at the water. You couldn’t look at him due to his behavior yesterday.   
“You aren’t with the others?”, you asked, biting your lips in frustration. Haru, too, probably thought that you were a bother. No. Especially Haru must have thought that you were a bother.  
“They are already gone.”  
 _What?_  
Wow. That was quite shocking. They didn’t say a thing.  
“Oh…”, your voice shook slightly when you thought about them, having enough of your shit.  
“They didn’t want to bother you so they went without saying anything”, the raven-haired male read your mind like you were an open book. It didn’t seem like he was paying attention to anything but you and your feelings which was quite the task for him since he usually didn’t pay much attention to feelings.  
“You’re still in your swimsuit”, he noted, looking down at your form. Haru wasn’t much of a talker but much of a thinker. That’s why little words embody a lot of thoughts when Haru’s talking. It wasn’t always easy, knowing what he wanted to say in the end but it was probably something like ‘If you don’t want to, why are you still in your swimsuit?’  
Of course you wanted to keep on trying.  
“Yeah… I thought about joining you guys, you know? I didn’t want to change”, that wasn’t the reason why you’d suddenly run off into the changing room.  
He probably knew that already. But then, maybe he didn’t. You wished you were Makoto so you could tell what he was thinking.  
“I really want to join you guys… swim with you and all, learn how to communicate on the same level you and Makoto do like you were one and the same person”, you chuckled a little at the thought when you looked at Haru.  
You didn’t notice that his blue orbs looked at you intently, at your sad face and red eyes. He couldn’t tell whether you were crying or not. He didn’t want to think about it.  
“Makoto and I don’t communicate like that”, he said, blushing slightly while he got gently into the water. It was surprising that he was able to do that, he’d jump into anything filled with water with eagerness why was he holding back this time?  
“Oh yes, you are”, you laughed and looked down at him.  
“You don’t need words to understand each other. I want that kind of relationship, too”, you sulked a little playfully, grateful for the distraction from the raging storm of emotions within your chest.  
“It’s because we know each other since we were kids. You can have that kind of relationship, too. Try reading my mind”  
“What.”  
“Try it”  
Wow. That was sudden. You couldn’t read anyone’s mind, of course, but Haru’s mind was something even more difficult. More complex than anyone else’s mind.  
You couldn’t do that.  
“I don’t know…”, you sighed, looking at him with a frown on your face. He then felt bad for you and came closer so that his head was only inches away from your legs and the edge of the pool as if it would make it easier to read his mind. His blue orbs seemed slightly restless. But why?  
Well, according to his behavior, he probably was bored. Sick of you. Maybe he felt really nervous around you since he didn’t know how to deal with you? Was it like that?  
You gulped, way too scared to say something wrong. If he was sick of you, why would he stay with you anyway? That wouldn’t make any sense now, would it?  
Again you gulped. The young male knew that you already knew the answer.  
“Are… you… worried about me, Haru?”, he knew that you knew that but he didn’t expect you to be that straight forward. The blush on your face told him that you didn’t expect it to turn out like this either. And the blush on his face told you that you nailed it.  
“O-Oh my god, am I right?”  
“Back then… when we were little you were able to do that, too. I didn’t have to say a thing. It was always like that. You’d say things like ‘Haru-nii wants mackerel’ or ‘I know that Haru-nii wants popsicles right now’”  
 _Again with that ‘Haru-nii’…_ , you couldn’t help but blush heavily at that. However, he tried to keep a straight face.   
“I… don’t remember that…”  
He was glad that you weren’t able to look at him. You would have seen his tensed expression and the pain within his eyes. Haru knew that you couldn’t remember. Why would he tell you about the past when he really knew that it was pointless?  
Well, he was hoping you’d remember those things which were the most important things to him.   
But you didn’t.   
When you felt soft water drips fall on your thighs, you flinched a little, looking at the source of the water. It was Haru’s hands, with some water on their palms which slowly trickled down on your skin.  
“Are you scared now?”, he then asked, looking at you while he let the water escape out of his hands. That little amount of water wouldn’t scare you, so you shook your head.   
He really wanted to help you, huh.  
Going through all of this was exhausting since you thought you’d finally be able to beat your fear since the extra practice with Rin.  
“Haru… I’m sorry for making you do all this. I don’t want you to have to save me again...”, you sighed, your heart felt heavy and it was hard to breathe.  
“I’d save you anytime.”

Your heart skipped a beat, without any reason. Well, of course there was no reason, right?   
Right?  
You had no idea why you looked at him like a deer in the headlights. It wasn’t a big deal, being told that he’d save you anytime, right? That is what civil courage is all about after all, right?  
“Give me your hands”, even if you would have resisted, he’d take them anyway.   
His hands were so gentle, touching yours softly as if you’d break within seconds. Haru didn’t want to scare you so he did his best to treat you with care.   
His touched remembered you of the strange behavior from the other day and your heart started to race.   
“Why couldn’t even Makoto help you?”, he asked, gently tugging on your hands. He wanted you to get closer. To get into the pool. To join him.  
Your heart raced.  
“I-… don’t know. I-I mean… I know that he’s also afraid… but he gets over it because he swims for you guys”  
So Makoto told you about his fear. Haru was slightly surprised by that since the brunette male didn’t really talk about himself. He talked a lot but sometimes he forgets to mention the important things.   
Like being afraid of the water.  
Or feeling pressured.  
Makoto swims for his friends. But you weren’t that close to them, right? There was no way you could say something like that, right?  
“I don’t know how to get over it. Am I allowed to swim for you guys, too? Or do I have to find another reason?”, you asked sheepishly, looking at his hands, gently holding yours.  
“You don’t need to have a reason… but if you need one you could swim for us. Nagisa wanted you to join us. Swim for him. Makoto trusts you. You can also swim for him”  
He slowly pulled you closer until one foot of yours was barely touching the water’s surface.  
Sometimes even Haru could talk a lot, huh.  
However, that was all he’d say. Nothing about Rin or himself. Well, he couldn’t know about Rin and you but he at least could say something about himself. But then, what else could you expect? Haru wouldn’t show his feelings that honestly after all. And he didn’t want you to join the club, unlike the others.   
“Okay…”, you smiled but the water was still in your thoughts.  
“But what about you, Haru? Can I also swim for you?”, you then asked.   
When he suddenly let your hands slip out of his and his blue orbs looked at you, you knew that you had hit something. You didn’t know what, though, whether it was something good or bad. But the answer to that would cross your path eventually. Sooner or later.  
This time, it was sooner.  
The raven-haired male reached his hands out for you again, turned his face away and seemed to pout slightly. There was an ever so slight hint of a blush on his cheeks and your words made him gulp a little. You sure were something. An idiot but an interesting one.  
“You have to get into the pool first, we take it from there…”  
That was an absolute ‘Yes’ and he knew that he made it obvious. Maybe he did it on purpose. However, he felt reluctant to be honest. He was really glad when you asked him that question but at the same time he didn’t want you to swim for him.   
You’d end up getting hurt again… Even though he knew that he couldn’t decline. He couldn’t say ‘no’ to you anymore.  
He was just so glad that you were with him, he didn’t want to push you away.   
“Okay…”, you sighed to prepare yourself. Your foot was already above the water’s surface, so you tilted it slightly so your toe would touch it softly.  
“Okay…”, you sighed again, gulping at the chill as you slipped one foot into the water.  
“Okay…”, again, it was impressive that Haru didn’t roll his eyes at your behavior.   
No, he’d never do that. You did your best to overcome your fear, even if it’s just a bit, he wouldn’t treat you with disrespect at that moment. Maybe some other time but not this time.  
“Look at me, [Name]”, Rin also said that last time, maybe that actually helped. You took a deep breath as you looked intently at Haru, which made him feel slightly nervous, but it was his idea so he wouldn’t go back on it.  
“Just like that…”, he returned your look as his voice spoke gentle words of encouragement to you. But it only kept your heart and breath from racing a little.  
However, looking at Haru helped a lot. You didn’t realize that both of your legs were within the water until you curiously looked down into the clear, blue water. Seeing your legs like that made it seem like they didn’t belong to you. Like those were someone else’s feet.  
“Oh god…”  
“You almost did it… look at me again”, Haru got slightly impatient and pushy. He saw that you were able to do it so he didn’t understand why you’d hesitate like that.  
You obeyed and looked at him, the clear desperation in your face made him want to show you how easy it was. That everything was alright and nothing would harm you. He wanted to replace that desperation of yours with relief and joy.   
Wait.   
Those weren’t his thoughts, right? Those couldn’t be his thoughts. Why would he think like that anyway?!  
Well, whatever. He focused on you so he wouldn’t have to think about the meaning of his thoughts over and over again. So he put one hand on your waist to be able to suddenly pull you into the water, making you yelp in horror and shut your eyes close, not feeling like seeing the death of you.  
But that was all.  
There wasn’t any difference besides the chilly water around you and the darkness, since you had your eyes closed desperately. Haru’s hands were still there, one holding your hand, the other on your waist under water.   
Right. The water reached up to your chest.  
“[Name]…”, he obviously wanted you to open your eyes. It took you some time, though, to actually open them. You regret that decision soon after, feeling your chest lift and lower heavily and rushed, it felt like there was too less air to breath.  
“Oh god…”, you remembered the pool to be way deeper but feeling the ground beneath your feet didn’t make you feel better. There was just too much water around your body, it was-…  
“Hey… [Name]”, Haru’s voice reached to you and it seemed like he was concerned about you and had a hard time showing it.  
“You did it. It’s alright now”  
Again you looked up so your flustered gaze would meet his calm one.   
He looked down at you, his face was only a few inches away since Haru was slightly leaning forward. He probably thought that you’d panic and that it was important for you to see that you weren’t alone to calm yourself.  
“The pool was way deeper back then…”, you panted, slightly exhausted and disorientated and, oh, you seemed so helpless and in need of help that he couldn’t help but feel bad for you. Sure, he was a distant person but he wasn’t a heartless one. Seeing you, breathing scared like a lost rabbit sure dragged him down.  
“You were way smaller back then…”, he then said, his eyes skimmed over your face, eyeing the water drips as they softly danced due to your shaking. Some water must have gotten onto your face when he suddenly had pulled you into the water. Not that he complained.  
The water drips on your lips seemed rather c-…  
“Oh my god, Haru…”, you gasped, looking at the water around you and it looked like you were on the verge of tears.  
“I did it…”, your voice cracked and he felt himself panic internally. It was hard enough for him to be gentle with you how was he supposed to soothe you and keep you from crying?  
“Oh god, Haru, I did it!!”, tears of joy made your eyes glister as you hopped slightly. You felt like hugging Haru but you weren’t sure whether that would be alright so you left it at that.  
Seeing you enjoying yourself even though you were in the water, seeing the water wetting your skin. Everything made him smile ever so slightly and he suddenly felt a warmth making his stomach tingle pleasantly.  
“Yeah… you did it”

“Oh my god, are you serious?!”, when you told your aunt about club practice, she obviously didn’t know what feeling to express first. Worry or joy? So she decided to do both, screaming at you in worry and hugging you in joy, squeezing every trace of air out of your lungs.  
“You really did it? Like… wow-… I-… Oh my god, [Name]-chan, **oh my god**!!!”, you couldn’t help but laugh at the behavior of your aunt.  
“Well, if not for Matsuoka-kun and Haru-…”  
“Don’t you dare mention that Matsuoka-creep’s name in my house!”, she snapped, glaring at you in fury, making you remember why your aunt was the scariest human being in history.  
“But you can talk about our mackerel-loving boy anytime…”, her mad glare changed into a suggestive one within a second. She even wiggled her eyebrows at you, priming her lips innocently.  
“His name’s Haru, aunty!”, you scolded, letting yourself slump on the couch.  
“Yeah, whatever. He really touched you just like that? Boy, maybe he was that guy giving you that rose”  
 _What?!_  
 _Haru?!_  
You laughed wholeheartedly at that, maybe slightly sarcastic.  
“Are you serious? He’d never be interested in me”  
“Never say never, darling”, apparently, your aunty wanted you to get married as soon as possible, shipping you with every single male who looked at you.  
You sighed as your aunty sat herself next to you, putting her legs on your thighs.  
“How are the Tachibana-twins?”, you asked to change the topic and she nodded.  
“It’s just a flue, they’ll be fine. Tachibana-kun is just slightly overprotective”  
“Yeah… he is…”, you agreed, lost in thoughts when suddenly your phone vibrated in your pocket.   
When you fished it out, your aunty leaned closer to sneak peeks at the display of your phone.  
“Who is it from?”  
Your eyebrows raised when you read the sender’s name.  
“Tachibana-kun”, you murmured, wondering what he’d want.  
“Speaking of the devil!!! Come on, read it!!!”, your aunt cheered, kicking you on your upper arm.  
“No way!!”

“Hey, Tachibana-kun. What’s wrong?”, you went upstairs to your room so your aunty wouldn’t bother you and called Makoto. His message asked you to call him whenever you were free.   
You didn’t know why but Makoto wanting you to call him was pretty flustering. You had no idea on how to act or what to do so you decided to just call him and see what was on his mind.  
“Hey, [Name]-chan. Sorry for making you call…”, there was a hint of a soft smile in his voice, making you feel cared for. That probably was the effect Makoto had on other people. His smile made you feel loved like you were the only one on his mind. But it was the same with everyone, boys, too. So you obviously couldn’t be the only one.  
“It’s okay. So, what happened?”, you asked, looking out of the window. The sun was almost completely gone and melted with the ocean.  
“Uhm… well…”, he laughed, slightly nervous and it was obvious that he didn’t want to tell you. However, he couldn’t make you call him for nothing, right?  
“About today’s practice… Haru told me that he was able to help you…”, so he was worried about you after all? Well, it is Makoto we’re talking about, right?  
“Yeah, it went well… why?”  
“Uhm… because… I couldn’t help you…”, he paused, making you think that he wanted you to say something but just when you were about to part your lips he kept on going.  
“And I wondered… well… was I no good?”  
“What?”, what was he saying? No good for what?  
“A-Ah, never mind, good night, see you tomorrow, [Name]-chan”  
“Wha-wha-… Wait, Tachibana-kun!”  
But he already hung up on you.

 

“Even though I gave you my number…”  
“I already said that I’m sorry”, you huffed at the growling Rin on your doorstep, making you feel slightly guilty. The look he gave you was… well, pissed, however, there was something else beneath that. Was he scolding you?  
“You’re helpless”, he sighed, rubbing the back of his head and he felt himself get frustrated because of himself also.  
“I forgot, sorry…”  
“Yeh, whatever, how’s practice?”, it was strange. When you met Rin for the first time, you didn’t think that you’d actually talk to him like that. But here you were, getting slightly flustered for making him pick you up again. At least it didn’t seem like your feelings weren’t mutual.  
“Well… I actually got into the pool…”, there was no way you could hide how proud you were and you showed him a wide grin. You made sure to make him feel threatened as if you’d catch up to him from now on since you did the first step towards your goal.  
And, yeah, Rin was impressed. But he wouldn’t show that, of course. He was proud of you for making it and slightly proud of himself for helping you out the other day.  
“Don’t get careless just because you managed to overcome your fear of getting wet for now”, he scolded you gently, showing his sharp teeth.  
“I won’t”, you huffed, put your chest out and your hands on your hip.  
“You’ll see, next time we meet I’m going to swim the same style you do!”, of course that couldn’t possible become reality but you felt like teasing him a little. The day was tough so you needed some release.  
“You do the crawl, right?”, you saw him swimming a few times but you weren’t quite sure.  
“Yeah… but I did the butterfly since I was young so I guess it’s not my speciality”, you frowned slightly at that. Back then, when he was in a team with the other boys, he did the butterfly?  
“Why do you do the crawl when butterfly’s your speciality?”  
“Because of the same reason you want to do my style”  
So, you wanted to race Rin so you wanted to learn his style. Rin was doing the crawl because…?  
“You want to race Haru …?”, Rin avoided your eyes, they made him feel guilty. He also felt like frowning, hearing you say what he was thinking because it seemed dumb. ‘Why would he want to race Haru?’ was probably the message you sent to him.  
“Again?”  
Again, he didn’t answer. Apparently, he wanted an official race just like you wanted to race him. But you probably didn’t want to beat him as badly as he wanted to beat Haru.

“Why do you want to race him that badly? Is it because you lost to him back then, when you came home for a visit from Australia?”  
“Wha-…”, his voice died when he turned towards you again. Shock was written all over his face and he looked at you as if you betrayed him. You, of all people. You, whom he wanted to trust the most.  
“Sorry… I… Tachibana-kun and I met that Sasabe-coach and he told us a while ago… I didn’t mean to, really. I just happened to hear your story…”  
Rin grit his teeth as he tried to keep his composure, not wanting to hurt you again. He didn’t know why but he didn’t want you to know all about this. He felt like you’d gain some power over him if you would.   
He fell silent and it scared you a little. You probably shouldn’t have said anything.  
“Matsuoka-kun…”, you reached your hand out, slowly, hoping he’d realize that you were still there. Well, he did but he wasn’t really happy about your gesture and slapped your hand away, causing you to gasp a little.  
Yep, he was mad again.  
“What’s wrong?”, you did your best to seem reasonable so he would feel like talking to you. He was the first one to help you interact with water after all.  
His breath shook as he inhaled and rubbed his tensed neck in frustration.  
“It’s just… **geez** …”, he sighed again, clicking his tongue for not being able to utter a word. Rin had no idea why he’d feel like that. Why would he care anyway? You knew about it, so what? You weren’t someone special, were you? Why would he care, then?  
“I didn’t want you to know… about what happened… me, losing and crying about it…”  
Your eyebrows shot up.  
“What? Crying? You cried? Like… tears?!”  
“Wait, you didn’t know!?”, his red eyes widened in horrified realization as he noticed that he just told you one of his most treasured secrets.   
You felt really surprised and it took you off guard that badly, that you opened your mouth a few times but no words would come. You looked like a fish.  
“N-No-… No! He told us that you were down, nothing about you, crying!”  
“Are you serious?! So I told you that just now by myself?!”, he groaned and slapped his palm on his forehead. He was the dumbest dork he’d ever met.  
Really… You couldn’t help but laugh at his behavior, causing him to click his tongue and glare at you.  
“What’s so funny, idiot?!”  
“You just told me the thing you didn’t want me to know of all people! That is hella funny if you ask me!!”  
“Sh-shut it, idiot!! Stop!!”

 

“So… it’s not the crying thing you laughed about?”  
“Of course not. It’s nothing bad”, you shrugged and looked at his, slightly red face. He was blushing the whole time, thinking you’d make fun of him.  
“I was a little surprised… you seemed really mean and angry at first… but you’re actually quite a good, sensitive guy, huh?”  
“What’s that supposed to mean?”, he huffed, shooting daggers at you again.  
“It means that I like it when you’re good and sensitive, that’s all”  
Rin didn’t know whether you knew what you were saying or not. The only thing he knew was that it was embarrassing but also relieving. Now he knew that you wouldn’t laugh at him, no matter what happened.   
Well, not that he cared anyway… Right?   
No.  
Lying to himself was no good. He knew that you were about to sneak your way into his heart and mind sooner or later.  
“Back then, during extra practice… well, you called me ‘Rin’”  
 _Oh-uh… was that bad?_  
“S-So?”, you gulped, he probably was mad about it. You had no right to call him like that after all.  
Seeing you look at him like that, slightly scared made his heart race for a second. Seeing you in general made him feel strange. But that was stupid, right? Why would he feel like that just because you told him indirectly that you’d swim for him in order to skunk him?  
Why would he even blush at that thought?!  
Really, sometimes it felt like he did one step forward and two steps back.  
“Never mind. See you… [Lastname]”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, this seems like another Haru chapter to me! It was so much fun to write it, really <3 I enjoyed every single moment. Haru & Rin warming up a little, Makoto being a little strange but cute as always <3 I like this chapter =3  
> And OH MY GOD look at the fave's and followers, it feels so great seeing you comment, fave and follow this story! I'm really grateful for you reading my crappy story, thank you all so much Q^Q  
> To be honest, I don't know what else to say 


	17. You, getting bold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Since your asthma got worse gradually in Tokyo, you returned to Iwatobi, your hometown and started living with your aunt.  
>  Sports was always something you weren't able to enjoy. And being afraid of the water, swimming was never an option.  
>  When you meet the swimming boys, you couldn't help but think of them as hot and unapproachable. However, you soon get dragged into their business and become the most important person to them.  
>  A person who'd not only see the water's surface but beneath it
> 
> (Re-upload, coming from Quotev)

_6 days._  
 _6 days._  
 _I have to learn how to swim in 6 days._  
Well, that pressured you a little.  
“[Name]-chan… are you alright?”, you’ve been thinking about the regional tournament and swim practice the whole day long. It bothered you so badly that it was hard for you to concentrate on your classes – but that probably wasn’t something new.  
“Ah… yeah…”, you looked at Nana who dragged you into the library during lunch break so the boys wouldn’t take you away from her.  
“It’s just… I have to learn how to swim in 6 days. It’s a little pressuring, you know?”  
“Well”, Nana shrugged, looking at you without any trace of sympathy.  
“I told you that it’s going to be hard on you. And you don’t have to compete, you know?”, Nana’s way of thinking hasn’t changed at all. She still wanted you to quit and be safe, the same old story.  
“Yeah yeah”, you sighed secretly munching on your lunch. Why would she drag you to a place where eating isn’t welcome? Or was there a reason for that? Did she want to talk about Makoto again?  
“Hey… Nana? What about Tachibana-kun?”, she flinched when she heard you, saying his name, ever so slightly and chuckled awkwardly. Nana seemed rather flustered and was obviously feeling uncomfortable.  
“W-What about him?”  
“Are you still into him?”, her face got serious all of a sudden as if she’d realized that it was pointless to dodge you any longer. She sighed, feeling her heart grow heavier with every second you looked at her.  
“No… he’s nice and all… but there’s something about him…”, again she sighed, shaking her head slowly.  
“I don’t know how to put it… but no. I’m not interested in him any longer”  
Even though it felt like some pressure has been lifted from your shoulders, you felt like there was something strange going on.  
And it was bothering you.  
“Oh, there’s Rei-kun! Gotta go~”, Nana sang, leaving you behind and waving at Rei, who seemed to be searching for you.  
“[Lastname]-senpai, may I sit next to you?”, he asked, a soft smile on his lips. You had no idea why he would talk that formally and considerately with you. What was he respecting about you anyway?  
“Sure”  
“Thank you. Uhm… I was wondering…”, as soon as he sat next to you, his cheeks turned slightly pink and he avoided your eyes at all cost.  
“Well… did you like the cake?”  
Oh god. What had happened to that cake?  
 _Did aunty eat it?!_  
Since you couldn’t remember what had happened to it, you decided to chuckle awkwardly. How could you even forget about a cake? Oh. It must have been because of the extra practice with Rin.  
“It was really good”, you cheered and tried to hide the fact that you had no idea what you were talking about since you haven’t even tasted the cake. But whatever. Rei wouldn’t find out about it, hopefully.  
Rei’s reaction to your words made you feel glad about your decision. His eyes sparkled with determination and relief as he leaned slightly towards you.  
“Really? Oh, I’m **so** -!”  
 **“Shhhh!!!”**  
The both of you looked at the lady who stood behind you, shooting daggers at you for being too loud.  
“S-Sorry...”, you excused yourself sheepishly, shrinking in your seat as you watched her stomp away. As soon as she was out of sight, you turned towards Rei, who seemed slightly shocked about the fact that he was ‘disobedient’ for once. He looked so cute and dumbfounded, that it was hard for you to keep yourself from chuckling.  
“Old hag”  
Rei gasped audible at your words and looked at you, even more horrified. However, seeing your cheeks flush with joy and laughter, he couldn’t help but also smile gently at you.  
To him, it seemed like you liked to live dangerously.  
And he liked that.

 

“Are you alright now?”, the boys let you use the changing room first, so you waited for them to change and stretched yourself – well, at least you tried.   
It seemed like Haru was the first one to leave the room – he wore his swimsuit under his pants again. Seeing you stretch helplessly and eagerly, he felt like asking you whether you’d be alright.  
He probably was worried, however, his face didn’t give him away. Maybe the atmosphere around you made him feel worried.   
You felt slightly scared and insecure. Where you able to get into the pool eventually? And would you be able to learn how to do the crawl in order to race Rin?  
“Yeah…”, you nodded, smiling gratefully at him. He also helped you out to overcome your fear for a moment. Makoto, too, even though he probably felt like he couldn’t do anything.  
Haru gave you a quick nod and almost jumped into the pool if it wasn’t for you, calling his name.  
“Uhm, Haru! I want to swim the crawl, too”, you said, sheepishly and fidget slightly. He probably wouldn’t teach you how to do it, you knew that. That’s why it was so embarrassing to tell him that and ask him anyway.  
However, his reaction was completely different. His blue eyes widened for the split of a second and he seemed rather… concerned.  
“No”, was what he said in the end. Well, you expected that. Of course he wouldn’t teach you that but you couldn’t help but sigh.  
“Well, okay, I try learning it on my own then”, that was the decision you came to as you walked towards the pool, keeping the pool in sight as if it was your worst enemy.  
But thinking of the pool like that wouldn’t get you nowhere. So you probably should befriend with the water to move-…  
You were forced to halt when you felt fingers being wrapped around your wrist, keeping you from moving any further. You turned around to see who was holding you back.  
It was Haru.  
“You shouldn’t swim the crawl.”  
“What…? Why not?”  
“Ooooh! [Name]-chan is in her swimsuit again!! She looks fired up! Let’s practice hard! We can’t lose to her, right?”  
Nagisa suddenly burst out of the changing room, exclaiming strange things and ran towards you, tugging on your arm.  
“This time, it’s my turn to help you out! Come on!”, he dragged you away from Haru, whose grip loosened.   
The raven-haired male avoided your eyes as you turned around to look at him. He couldn’t stand it when you looked at him like that. He really didn’t want you to feel uncomfortable and really wanted to answer any questions you had. But this time, he couldn’t.  
Haru grit his teeth in frustration, as his cheeks blushed slightly.  
Of course, his best friend noticed that.

“Alrighty, [Name]-chan! I can teach you the breaststroke!”, Nagisa said proudly as he got into the pool and smiled at you. You were still looking at the water, preparing yourself mentally to get in. It worked last time, when Haru was with you and it would work this time! Nothing bad was going to happen.  
So you sighed heavily, sitting yourself down on the edge and slowly putting your legs into the water. When you felt the chill envelop your legs, you gasped audible and were about to backtrack.  
“No, [Name]-chan! You’re doing great! Just a little more”, Nagisa’s gentle voice reached to you as the blonde male took your hands with his, giving them an encouraging squeeze as he pulled you carefully closer to him.  
“You already did it with Haru-chan’s help, right? You can do it again when I’m with you”, that was logical. You were able to overcome your fear for Rin, Haru and you’d be able to overcome it for Nagisa. But why couldn’t you do it for Makoto last time?  
Was it because it was the first time for you actually wanting to overcome your fear? Did you push yourself too much?  
You slowly slipped into the water, holding tightly onto Nagisa’s hands.  
“That’s it. You did it”  
It was way easier this time and less scary. You even forgot about the water as you felt proud swell inside your chest and you couldn’t keep yourself from smiling. Even Makoto and Rei were looking at you, obviously happy for you.  
“Yeah…”, you chuckled at the younger male and looked at Haru, who was sitting on the edge of the pool, looking at Makoto and Nagisa dealing with the non-swimmers.   
He noticed you looking at him and returned your gaze. Those blue orbs of his seemed so gentle that you felt your pride waver.  
Makoto, who tried to concentrate on Rei and explained how suited the backstroke was for people who are afraid of the water, noticed your and Haru’s behavior. He was glad for you but he couldn’t help but feel slightly frustrated.  
Why wouldn’t you trust him as much as Haru and Nagisa?

“Okay then! For the breaststroke, you have to float on the water, face down!”, Nagisa cheered you on, and reached his hands toward you to ask you to give him your hands. However, the thought of facing down was scary and you gulped.  
“F-Face down…”  
No. You couldn’t get intimidated that easily. Rei next to you, was doing his best to actually float on the water and move from point A to point B. You had to try, too.  
“Okay…”, you sighed, sliding your hands into Nagisa’s but, of course, you had some difficulties floating. You were able to stand in the water but floating – face down – on it was still a hard task.  
“Nagisa… I think [Name]-chan should try the backstroke at first…”, as expected, Makoto wanted you to feel safe and secure and the backstroke would make you feel like that – well, that was what he was thinking, at least.  
“Eh? But I don’t know if I can give her some good advice for back…”, the blonde sulked at his less of knowledge of back and looked at you apologetic.  
“That’s fine, isn’t it? I try teaching it to Rei anyway, just imitate us”  
Nagisa exchanged looks with you again as if to ask you whether it would be alright for you to try the backstroke. Well, the breaststroke wouldn’t get you nowhere so giving the back a try couldn’t hurt. So you nodded.  
“Alright, then. Turn your back towards me, [Name]-chan”, you did as Nagisa told you, feeling your heart race slightly. Lying on the surface would mean that the water would fill your ears. Was that going to be alright?  
You haven’t noticed that Haru was watching you, a indecipherable expression on his face.  
“Lean back now. I’m here to hold you up if something happens”, Nagisa ensured you and put his hands on your back. You slowly leaned back, waiting for the water to touch your skin anytime but it took too long. It felt frustrating, knowing that something uncomfortable would happen but you didn’t know exactly when.  
So you squeezed your eyes shut and buried your face within your palms. Nagisa chuckled softly at your behavior.  
“It’s fine… you almost did it”  
After a few seconds you felt the chilly water touch your back and you floated. You didn’t dare to lean your head back though.  
“Great, [Name]-chan! That’s how you do it”, the younger male cheered, readjusting his hands and putting them on your head to help you hold it up.  
“You can open your eyes now”  
Trusting him, you opened your eyes carefully, looking at Nagisa’s close, cheerful face.   
His cheeks flushed slightly and he cleared his throat nervously when your eyes met. He even leaned slightly back so your faces wouldn’t be too close.  
“Alright then. Look at Rei-chan, his form is perfect! Try to imitate him”, he said fidgety, hoping he wouldn’t feel your eyes on him anymore.  
Rei was performing the backstroke for you, being held by Makoto so he wouldn’t sink. Strangely enough it seemed like the younger male wasn’t able to stay above the surface as soon as he started to do his stroke.  
You looked at the movements of his legs and arms and tried to do the same. First, your feet then your arms. You were glad that your arm was doing fine, it would have hurt days ago.  
Nagisa didn’t let go off you the whole time. He couldn’t. He felt like he’d betray you if he did.  
Nagisa was distracted by the water drips on your face and your eager and confident expression. You looked so much stronger and tougher than the first time he met you but he couldn’t really tell why. It was only a slight difference but he noticed it.  
However, you wouldn’t be able to try the backstroke if he wouldn’t let go of you so you looked up at him, slightly confused.  
“Nagisa… let go”  
“What…?”, he flinched ever so slightly and chuckled awkwardly afterwards.  
“You can let go now, I think I got the hang of it”  
He gave you a worried look, obviously not wanting to let go, however, he couldn’t keep you safe forever, right?  
“Okay…”, he gulped and let go of you reluctantly. You floated, even without his help – which was obvious but it was still scary so you closed your eyes.  
“Try to swim towards me”, Nagisa’s voice seemed further away and you wondered whether you’d be able to swim that far.  
“Okay…”, you sighed, trying to encourage yourself as you moved your arms and legs slowly. Since your eyes were closed you couldn’t tell whether you were moving or not. The only thing you knew was that you actually floated. You didn’t sink, nothing grabbed you and was about to drag you down. Everything was fine.  
After a few times of moving, you could hear Nagisa and Makoto cheer.  
“Wow, [Name]-chan!”  
“She’s moving! She’s moving!”  
“Wait, I’m moving?!”, you exclaimed, struck by the thought of moving even though your stroke was clumsy and slow. When you opened your eyes in surprise, you saw the light blue sky above you, some clouds floated, just like you were.   
You’ve taken the sky for granted for way too long. Sure, looking at the night sky or watching the sun go down or rise was beautiful but a casual blue sky was often taken for granted.  
But this time you wondered yourself why you haven’t looked at the sky sooner.  
You felt so nice, knowing that you stayed above the water’s surface, knowing there was someone watching over you and knowing that the sky and the warm sun was taking care of you made you feel confident and your stroke changed completely. It felt like you could keep on swimming forever…  
Until someone grabbed your hand you just had stretched out to keep on swimming.   
It was Nagisa.   
You had closed the distance between you and him without thinking about it.  
“[Name]-chan!!”, he cheered, looking at you proudly and hopping slightly.  
“You did it! You really did it! You swam towards me!!”, he kept on cheering as he helped you stand again, squeezing your shoulders affectionately. His face was red, probably because of his energetic nature, as he pulled you close to hug you dearly and rub his cheek on yours.  
“I knew you could do it!”, dumbfounded, you chuckled and returned his embrace, stroking his back as if you had to console him. You still couldn’t believe it yourself but Nagisa seemed like he would gladly be proud of you for yourself.  
You haven’t noticed that Haru and Makoto showed you some proud looks, too.  
And you also haven’t noticed that Rei looked at you, feeling like you were both, his inspiration and curse.   
He didn’t want to compare himself to you but he did. Seeing you manage to do the backstroke like that was slightly frustrating. Of course, he was proud of you…  
However, there was a silent fear of being left behind by you…

 

“I’m **so** proud of you, [Name]-chan!!”, as soon as practice ended, Nagisa clung on your healthy arm, tugged at it and rubbed his cheek on yours affectionately, showing you how immeasurable his feelings were.  
“You already said that twenty-five times!”, you scolded him, laughing yourself as you walked towards the showers.  
“Because twenty-four times just isn’t enough!!”  
“Are you serious?!”, you laughed and Nagisa didn’t think of slowing down. He felt like shampooing your hair and massaging your head for the ‘good work you’ve done’.   
Even though it felt like you were treated like a ‘good girl’ dog, it actually helped you relax so it was alright.  
“Nagisa, slow down a bit, that was [Name]-chan’s first swim practice”, Makoto scolded Nagisa gently, causing the younger male to sulk and complain about Makoto’s overprotectiveness.  
“Uhm… [Lastname]-senpai…”, Rei, who has been showering next to you silently the whole time, started to talk.  
“Congratulation… for your first practice…”, there was a gentle blush on his cheeks, causing him to raise his hand towards his face. He’d probably readjusted his glasses at times like this – but this time, he couldn’t. He wasn’t wearing any.  
“Thank you”, you smiled at him, making him blush even heavier. He didn’t know why but all of his insecurities wavered when he watched you smile. It probably felt like that because you were his inspiration, just like Haru.  
“You did well, too. Don’t worry about not being able to swim yet. You only tried two styles, keep on trying and you’ll be alright”  
Hearing that from you made his heart clench due to the gratitude and awe he felt towards you. Even though you were afraid of the water, you managed to actually swim this time.  
And you looked beautiful to him.  
A little noise dragged Rei back to reality. He looked at Nagisa, who held his phone in his hand.  
“Oh my god, Nagisa, did you just take a picture of me, showering?!”  
“Eeeeh? No~”  
“Where did you even keep your phone?!”

 

“[Name]-chan?”, when you finished changing yourself, the others got into the changing room, save for Makoto. Apparently, he wanted to talk to you in private – which probably wasn’t a good sign. Things like ‘talking in private’ always felt like you were about to be scolded.   
But you walked with him away from the changing room’s door and looked at him anyway. His absent-minded face was serious and something was bothering him really badly.  
“What’s wrong?”, you frowned at him as you felt worry swell inside you.  
The brunette male stopped somewhere near the fence and looked at the trees. They were already green, they were a soft pink only a week ago.   
_Time really has passed…_  
“Tachibana-kun?”, he wouldn’t say a thing, only stare at the trees and their branches being shaken by the wind. It was slightly scaring and it made you worry even more when he didn’t look at you even though you said his name. So you reached your hand out towards him, your fingertips slightly touched his.   
It was because of your touch that he finally looked at you with a worried and heart-breaking expression.  
“I’m sorry, [Name]-chan… you told me to be honest… but I don’t know whether it’s okay to tell you or not…”, he said, his hand grabbing yours gently.  
You didn’t know what was on his mind but you already told him that he can talk to you, right? You can’t go back on your words.  
“Tachibana-kun… I already told you that it’s fine. We are friends after all, right?”, your soft voice sent pleasant shivers down his spine and his green eyes widened ever so slightly. Even his heart clenched when he heard you say those words.  
“Yeah… we are…”, he said, his lips curving gently as he smiled at you lovingly.  
“See? Now, come on, tell me. What’s on your mind, captain?”  
Makoto’s cheeks flushed a little when he avoided your eyes, rubbing the back of his head with one hand but keeping on holding yours with the other one.  
“It’s just… you know. I called you yesterday, right? That’s because I wanted to ask you whether I’m no good… can’t you trust me, [Name]-chan?”  
What the hell was he talking about? Why wouldn’t you trust him? He was your friend. He was your captain, of course you trust him, right? Wasn’t that obvious?  
“Of course! Why wouldn’t I?”  
“It’s just-…”  
“Okay, you know what?”, you freed your hand from his gentle grip and turned your back towards him.  
“Let’s test my trust in you. You know the old-fashioned and cheesy trust-test, right?”, you asked, walking a few steps away from him as you closed your eyes.  
“U-Uhm… I guess. Why?”  
“You are going to catch me, Tachibana Makoto-kun”  
“What?!”  
But you didn’t gave him some time to actually prepare himself. Why would you? That’s why it was a trust-test, right? Makoto should be able to support you even though he wasn’t prepared. And you should be able to do the same. That’s what friends are for, right?  
So you suddenly leaned back, feeling gravity take over your body.   
However, even though it was your idea, it felt like you were falling for a long time which made you feel slightly uncomfortable.   
But that was fine, right?   
Because Makoto was there. That’s why you didn’t do anything, you didn’t try to stumble forward to save yourself from getting hurt. You felt like screaming but you’d look like an idiot so you tried not to do it.  
When you heard Makoto’s surprised “[Name]-chan!”, you felt like smirking.  
When you felt his big, warm hands on your back, holding you tight and safely you dared to breathe again.   
It took you some time to realize that you were okay now, so you opened your eyes, looking right into Makoto’s, whose face was only a few inches away from yours.  
He still looked slightly worried and surprised but there was a gentle smile on his lips soon enough.  
“See?”, you grinned, proud of yourself for being ‘bold’ for once.  
“Told you I trust you, right?”  
Those green orbs of his sparkled with joy and happiness and he looked like he held the most precious thing in his hands. The proof of friendship and trust.  
You.  
“Yeah…”, you sure were reckless, sometimes. To him, at least. But that wasn’t something bad now, was it? You always surprise him and make him smile and his chest felt warm when his eyes met yours. That’s why he was so happy about you, saying that he was your friend.  
There was nothing that could make him happier than this. Or that’s what he thought.  
“Hey, Tachibana-kun? Do you want to help me out during practice tomorrow?”  
That’s when he felt the happiest.  
“Sure!”

“You did great today, [Name]-chan”, Makoto said on your way home, smiling at you as usual.   
It was surprising how happy everyone was for you. Nagisa wouldn't stop cheering and hugging you, Rei was also telling you how beautiful you looked and how well you did.   
However, Haru wasn’t really proud of you, or that's what it seemed. If he was, he didn’t show it. But he was watching you swim all the time, so he probably was glad for you, too.  
“Thanks to you guys”, you said, rubbing the back of your head in embarrassment. You weren’t used to so much flattering.  
“But I still have to learn a lot! I just learned the basics of the backstroke, so the crawl is still far away for me”, and if you wanted to beat Rin in both, butter and crawl, you had to hurry.  
No. Overdoing yourself wouldn’t get you nowhere. One foot in front of the other, first it was important for you to learn the crawl.  
“You want to swim the crawl, too?”, Makoto asked, slightly surprised.  
“Well, yeah… is that bad?”  
“No, of course not!”, the brunette male exchanged looks with Haru, smiling awkwardly. There was something going on. And you noticed that.  
“What’s wrong?”  
“N-Nothing…”, Makoto flinched slightly and he probably didn’t notice that he was hiding behind Haru a little. Of course, Makoto probably wouldn’t keep you from learning the crawl. It was Haru who told you not to and he was the one glaring straight forward, avoiding your eyes.  
“Haru, what’s wrong?”  
“…”, he didn’t answer but it was easy to guess. You also managed to read his mind last time, right? Reading his mind now wouldn’t be difficult, right?  
“Why can’t I learn the crawl?”, that was what he said earlier, too. You just couldn’t understand why.  
“…”  
Makoto was looking back and forth between Haru and you and was trying to follow the conversation.  
Haru looked at you, frowning ever so slightly in angry exhaustion. He probably was sick of you so he wouldn’t teach you how to swim the crawl, right?  
“Yeah, I know that you won’t teach me how to do it but I’m going to learn it by myself”  
“Hmph…”  
Your jaw dropped in shock when you heard him huff. He probably thought that you couldn’t do that yourself. That you needed his help. Was he really looking down on you?  
“Fine.”

 

“Wow. You look livid”, Rin commented when Aiichirou guided you to the pool. He insisted on picking you up from the school’s gate. Apparently, he couldn’t wait to see you.  
Rin put his arms on the edge of the pool and rested his head on them, looking up at you with a frown.  
“Matsuoka-senpai is right, are you okay, [Lastname]-senpai?”  
You sighed heavily as you let your towel – which covered pretty much every part of your body – fall onto a bench. How should you say Rin that you felt slightly mad at Haru but at the same time mad at you for being mad at Haru?  
“Ah, [Lastname]-senpai! Is that the swim cap I gave you?”, the grey-haired male cheered, his cheeks flushed as he looked at you, putting it on your head. He probably wanted to loosen the tension.  
“Does it fit? It suits you!”, he complimented, obviously feeling uncomfortable because of the thick, raging aura around you. Well, maybe it wasn’t quite ‘raging’ as in ‘angry’. It probably was ‘raging’ as in ‘mentally exhausted as hell’.  
“I’m glad I-…”  
“Nitori”, Rin thought that you’d punch Nitori if he would compliment you any longer so he put his foot down to stop the younger male.  
“I-I’m sorry!”, you smiled at Aiichirou, making him blush and feel relieved that he didn’t bother you.  
“It’s okay, Nitori-kun. I know that you’re worried”, you said as you walked towards the pool.  
Rin looked at you as you walked towards him.   
He hasn’t seen you in a swimsuit yet, so he couldn’t help but sneak peeks at you and your form. Only a little, since it wasn’t only your body that was interesting to him.   
Wait, what?  
When you sat yourself on the edge of the pool, next to Rin’s arms, Nitori sat himself behind you.  
“[Lastname]-senpai, you look really tense… maybe a massage would do you good?”  
“Nitori!”, Rin spat, shooting him his death glare.  
Again you sighed and rubbed your shoulder unconsciously. Maybe you were slightly tensed? Not only because of the Swim Club but also because of your situation. Learning how to swim within a week wasn’t easy after all. And Haru didn't want to teach you how to do the crawl at all costs.  
“A massage…”, you repeated, lost in thoughts and wondered whether it would be okay to accept Nitori’s offer. Well, he looked really eager to help with his eyes sparkling and cheeks blushing slightly.  
“Okay”  
“Huh?!”, Rin commented again, obviously feeling uncomfortable with the way you answered.  
“I’ll do my best!”, Nitori cheered, ignoring Rin’s reaction completely as he laid his hands on your shoulders, which seemed rather frail to him even though his hands weren’t that big.  
As soon as the younger male squeezed your muscles, you flinched slightly. That boy actually knew what he was doing. Who knew that he was that good at giving massages?  
“S-Sorry, did I hurt you, [Lastname]-senpai?”  
“N-No… that actually feels good.”  
“Oh, that’s good! You see, I was really insecure about that but you seem to be fine so I can squeeze a little harder now, right?”  
“Go ahead.”  
Rin only looked at the two of you, slightly dumbfounded but hell of disgusted. He didn’t know why but Nitori touching you just like that displeased him. This boy doesn’t know you as long as Rin did, right? Why was he touching you like that already? He hasn’t earned it, right?  
But, wait. Did Rin actually know you?   
Who cares! He knows you better than Nitori does. Right?  
But then... Maybe he didn’t.   
The Matsuoka offspring felt confused and offended by the way Aiichirou betrayed him. However, maybe he used Nitori as an excuse for being angry. Maybe he was angry at himself for not being able to console you like Nitori did.  
Maybe he wasn’t able to help you out in any way in his current state?  
“Matsuoka-senpai, we’re ready!”  
“Y-Yeah…”  
Maybe he should learn how to be more considerate about others and their feelings again?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew! I feel like a lot happend in this chapter!!  
> Reader-chan learnt the basics of the backstroke and got even closer to everyone but Haru and Sei (which feels kinda sad)   
> Since there hasn't been a cute scene with Ai I felt like writing one, even if it's only a short one. It's also in order to make Rin a little jealous so it's fine, I guess =3  
> Anyway:  
> Thank you all so much for your support! I read every single comment and it cheers me on sooo much! I really enjoy reading them and writing for you guys since you seem to enjoy this story also - I'm not quite sure why tho, since I'm really bad, I think xDD But I'm glad!  
> To be honest, I think that every Free! boy has his possessive face that's why Rin gets a little jealous here. Maybe   
> I like focusing on the boy's 'ugly' faces so maybe they become slightly yandere but if they do, you get an explanation why I think they would act like that =3  
> I hope that it's not making you feel uncomfortable D= No one is getting killed, so don't worry =P
> 
> Remember that I love every single one of you <3  
> See you in the next chapter!


	18. You, wetting his dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Since your asthma got worse gradually in Tokyo, you returned to Iwatobi, your hometown and started living with your aunt.  
>  Sports was always something you weren't able to enjoy. And being afraid of the water, swimming was never an option.  
>  When you meet the swimming boys, you couldn't help but think of them as hot and unapproachable. However, you soon get dragged into their business and become the most important person to them.  
>  A person who'd not only see the water's surface but beneath it
> 
> (Re-upload, coming from Quotev)

The first thing you saw when you got up and looked outside the window was rain.   
It was pouring. As if every single human being on earth offended every single angle in heaven, it seemed like those angel spit down on you.  
Then, there was another thing on your mind. You had 5 days left to improve your stroke – preferably crawl – and it was pouring. You had absolutely no opportunity on that day and that was slightly scaring.  
But probably the scariest thing was your aunty, raising her voice downstairs.  
“No… No! You didn’t want to leave Iwatobi behind. You wanted to leave your own daughter behind, that’s why you moved to Tokyo and took the job even though you knew it would take all of your time”  
She was on the phone  
With your parents.  
“For goodness sake, where have you been when she got her first tooth?! Where have you been when she learnt how to walk? I was there because the both of you were too much of a coward to raise her!”  
It was probably because of the heavy rain that everyone around you got gloomy and irritable.  
When your phone suddenly buzzed, you forgot about your mad aunt for a second.  
 _’ Nitori wanted to say ‘Good mornin’’_  
There was a picture of a blushing and cute smiling Aiichirou in his pajamas.   
You couldn’t help but give in to your fantasies in which Nitori was begging Rin to send you a message. But he wouldn’t do that, right? He’d probably use some reverse psychology or something because he probably was more deceitful than he seemed.  
There was another buzzing, telling you that there was a picture of Rin this time.  
 _’ ‘nd… mornin’’_  
Even though he looked tired and slightly pissed – as always – you could see the little blush on his cheeks.  
After sending them your sleepy face and after making sure your aunt was done screaming, you prepared yourself for school, armed with an umbrella.

There was still some hope left when you came to school that the rain might stop till swim practice but it wouldn't.  
Haru was looking out of the hallway's windows at the pool. He probably was upset about not being able to get into the pool even though the temperature was right. Nagisa and Makoto sighed and Rei seemed slightly nervous, just like you. You’d lose one day, just like that, without practicing anything.  
Well, that wasn’t quite it, right? You still had Rin.  
“I can’t help you practice today, huh…”, the brunette male next to you suddenly sighed when you were waiting for the others to get ready to leave for a meeting at Haru’s place. A meeting to discuss why Rei couldn’t swim.  
When you remembered the promise you gave Makoto, your eyes widened and your heart felt even heavier.   
That was right… you wanted to prove him that you trust him and ask him for help…  
“Right… but there’ll be a tomorrow”  
He didn’t know why but his cheeks felt hot all of a sudden. Makoto knew that you were right and you cheered him up just like that. That was impressive. The brunette male couldn’t help but sneak a peek at the anemone fish, dangling from your school bag.  
“Yeah, you’re right”  
You were glad that no one noticed the two of you talking embarrassing stuff like that.

The meeting at Haru’s place didn’t go well. Well, it was fun, however, it didn’t get you nowhere. Rei said that he wanted a proper coach so Nagisa called that pizza deliverer Sasabe over. You had pizza. That was a plus point, however, he wouldn’t coach Rei so there was the minus point again.  
At the end, the blonde male left all of you and you couldn’t help but sigh.  
“This is getting us nowhere…”, you complained, your head lying on the living room’s desk. You sat at the end of the table, in front of Rei and next to Makoto and Kou. All that talk about the water not liking Rei and Rei’s head being too heavy made all of you tired.  
“I am so sorry for bothering you like that…”, Rei suddenly apologized, looking down on his thighs. He probably was searching for an answer down there.  
“Don’t say that!”, Nagisa pouted and you sat up to look at him.  
“Nagisa’s right, you’re in our team now so it’s our duty to help you out”, you grinned at him, thinking of a way to make Rei swim. But there was no solution at that moment.  
“You’ll learn how to swim, just like I did”  
“Hopefully not! He has to swim better than you!!”, the blonde male laughed at you and you shot him a glare.  
“I’m not that bad. I only had practice once!”, you pouted, crossing your arms in front of your chest.  
Rei chuckled ever so slightly at your behavior, his cheeks blushing slightly.  
“You somehow remind me of a penguin, Hazuki-kun”  
“What?”, how did Rei jump to a conclusion like that?   
It was so sudden and he seemed a little surprised at his words himself.  
“Ah… I do not know why I said that…”  
“Oh, but you’re right! I love penguins, thank you!”, Naigsa cheered, leaning forward.  
“Then…”, the blonde male looked at Haru, a mischievous grin on his face.  
“Haru-chan would be a dolphin!!”, where did that come from?  
“Because he always looks like a dolphin when he’s in the water!”, Nagisa reasoned his conclusion and pointed at the raven-haired male. And he was right. Maybe it was the fact that he looked like a dolphin that he inspired you to swim when you were little.  
“And dolphins are really soft at heart! They help drowning people, just like our Haru!”  
When Nagisa looked at you and Rei you blushed slightly, avoiding his eyes. Again, he was right. Haru saved you twice by now.  
When the young 'dolphin'-male saw your blush, he couldn’t help but blush slightly, too for no reason at all.  
“Nagisa…”, he scolded the younger male, embarrassed but the young Hazuki wouldn’t listen.  
“Oh! Oh and Mako-chan would be an orca! Because orcas are quite strong, just like Mako-chan’s stroke!”, the brunette male flinched at that.  
“But aren’t orcas kinda scary?”, he whined.  
“Just like you!”  
“Eeeeh?!”  
Kou couldn’t help but sigh at the scenery. You were all a bunch of douches to her.  
Even though he tried to hide it, Rei seemed rather eager to know what his spiritual animal would be. He even fidget a little when Nagisa looked at him.  
“And Rei-chan’s a butterfly!”  
 _Okay, now it’s getting ridiculous._  
“But that is not a water animal”, Rei complained and stiffened.  
“That’s exactly why you’re a butterfly! Butterflies are cute and beautiful but can’t swim!”  
You had to chuckle a little at that, making Rei blush a heavy shade of red. That was embarrassing, he didn’t want you to laugh at him.  
“As for [Name]-chan…”, Nagisa looked at you, lost in thoughts. How come it was so easy for him to find animals for every single best friend but for you.  
“Uuuuuuhm…”, he thought loudly, supporting his head with his hands on the table, staring at you as if he had a staring contest to win.  
After some time it got slightly embarrassing but you didn’t want to lose that ‘contest’ so you stared back at him. You really hoped he wouldn’t give you something dumb and embarrassing.  
But then, it was Nagisa we’re talking about. Of course it’d be embarrassing.  
That’s what you expected, however, Nagisa just couldn’t figure something out. Even Kou, who first thought that that game was stupid, helped out to think of something. But she was also at a loss.  
So Makoto and Haru helped them out.  
“How about an anemone fish?”, the brunette male suggested, rubbing the back of his head due to an embarrassment you couldn’t comprehend. Why was he so embarrassed about that?  
Well, if you knew that he was thinking of your keychain and if you’d knew the story behind it, you’d probably be embarrassed, too.  
“Yeah…”, the raven-haired male nodded, looking at you. His blue orbs were so soft and gentle that his eyes could easily take on Makoto’s.  
“Anemone fish are bad at swimming, too”  
“Haru!!”, you whined, shoving Makoto slightly so he’d bump into Haru, who sat next to him.  
“W-Why me, too?”, the brunette male mewled and looked at you apologetic, even though he didn’t do anything.  
“Because you came up with that idea!”  
“B-But I didn’t mean it like that! I didn’t even know that! Haru!!”, Makoto complained, looking at Haru who avoided his eyes.   
Haru did that on purpose.

“Hey… [Name]-senpai?”, when you were about to leave Haru’s place, Kou kept you from going by calling your name. So you turned towards her.   
That poor girl looked upset.  
“Kou-chan… what is it?”, you asked, concerned, of course and walked towards her.  
“Do you have some connections to my brother?”  
Your heart swelled with guilt at the sudden mention of Rin.  
You didn’t want to keep it a secret but you didn’t know what to do. Rin would get probably really angry at you if you spied on him. That’s the reason for him hurting you after all. So you couldn’t tell them anything about Rin and his behavior towards you.  
“Y-Yeah…”, you haven’t noticed that the boys were listening to your conversation and slowly getting closer. After a little while, you saw all their faces looking at you from the living room.  
And the feeling of guilt got unbearable.  
“[Name]-chan… why haven’t you told us…”, Nagisa looked at you, just as upset as Kou was.  
“Because I couldn’t spy on Rin like that, right?”  
“You’re… using his first name?”, this time, it was Makoto whose eyes widened in shock. Even Haru flinched at that, looking at you with deep, dark blue eyes.  
You felt like you were about to get eaten by a pack of wolves. The worst thing, however, was, that you deserved it. You were meeting up with Rin behind the boy’s back not even thinking of mentioning it. You didn't even think of it as a bad thing, enjoying yourself too much.  
And the most shocking thing to you was that Rin was so much closer to you than you thought he was. Makoto had to mention that you gradually used his first name, you wouldn’t have noticed it otherwise.  
You couldn’t help but avoid their eyes.  
“I’m sorry…”  
You fell silent and you could feel their eyes pierce right through you, trying to bear with the situation. Of course, they felt betrayed and you thought that they were right. You had to at least say something about you meeting Rin on a daily basis.   
But Naigsa was quick to react and take care of you.  
“Wait, no!”, the blonde male exclaimed, making everyone flinch.  
“Isn’t that great?! That means that my plan is successful! Remember that I actually wanted [Name]-chan to take care of Rin? And now, look at our cute anemone fish! Just as planned!”  
“You’re right”, Makoto looked at you with a different expression this time. He smiled at you gently and it seemed like he apologized for his behavior earlier.  
You were surprised at the sudden change of mood.  
“Keep it up!!”, even Kou smiled at you brightly, taking both of your hands and squeezing them.  
“I-I’m sorry for being upset, I didn’t see it that way. But Naigsa-kun is right! Please, take care of my brother!!”  
“U-uh… sure…”, you were too dumbfounded to answer so you looked at the boys for some help. But they only smiled at you.  
Even Haru showed you a gentle look.  
Rei, however, had no idea what was going on and he couldn't deny that tiny hint of loneliness swelling within his chest.

Since Makoto and you lived in the same direction, you waited for him to get ready to leave. Haru, Makoto and you were left behind since the others were gone already.  
“Sorry for making you wait”, the brunette male smiled apologetic at you but you shook your head, telling him that it was nothing.  
You turned to Haru, smiled and waved at him, gaining a gentle wave from him.  
The brunette male looked at the two of you, chuckling slightly. It was impressive how good he was at reading Haru.  
“It’s not only Rin who grows fond of you”, however, as soon as those words left his lips, he blushed heavily, rubbing the back of his tensing neck.   
Oh god, why did that just slip out of his mouth? What was he thinking? He made even Haru and you blush.  
But he was right and you knew that. When you met those guys, you wouldn't have thought that you'd grow that fond of them. It was fun, hanging around with them, learning how to swim.  
“M-Me, too…”, you said, slowly looking at them. It seemed unfair, leaving Makoto and Haru embarrassed like that without returning anything so you were honest.  
Those guys were cute, gentle and got to know you with every second they spent with you. They got to know your secrets, your flaws and they’d learn how to handle them.  
Because you were dear to them already, even though only a few weeks passed since your first met them in ages. Well, you were spending most of your time with them after all.  
“I like you guys, too…”

Well, thanks to the rain, you hadn’t been able to practice whatever you have learnt from Makoto and Nagisa so you took the train to Rin’s school – as almost every evening. Mami must have felt lonely because you haven’t taken her on a walk for some time.  
While you were sitting in the train you hoped that the rain would stop but it only got heavier and a serious storm was raging outside. Your umbrella was useless against the amount of water and wind. No one told you about this! If you’d have known you wouldn’t have left your bed!  
“Oh god…”, you sighed as you admitted defeat.

“What the fuck…”, Rin looked at you with obvious confusion. However, it wasn’t hard to figure what had happened to you.   
His red eyes watched you carefully as you shivered, your school uniform was drenched, clinging onto your form and revealing some parts of your body Rin wasn’t supposed to see.  
“Oh god, [Lastname]-senpai! What happened?!”, Ai rushed towards you, his voice shaking with worry.  
“Well…”, you sighed as you wrung your skirt out.  
“The wind broke my umbrella…”, it was horrible.  
The younger male looked at you, obvious worry on his face. ‘That’s horrible’, was what he was about to say, however, when he noticed your wet, white blouse snuggle up to your body, he couldn’t help but flush a bright red.  
“Whatever”, Rin grew sick of Ai’s behavior and decided to join the conversation. When he saw the blush on the younger fellow’s face he shot him a glare.  
“You’re going to get wet anyway”

“That’s what you talked about?”, Ai looked at you with big eyes when you told Rin the story about the spiritual animals.  
“And Matusoka-senpai is a shark?”, the gray-haired male stole a peek at the glaring male who obviously wasn’t pleased with that.  
“What about me, [Lastname]-senpai?”, Aiichirou looked at you with sparkling eyes and obvious excitement.   
You hummed, lost in thoughts while thinking about the younger male. The way he acted and treated Rin…  
“A duck…? Because of the way you follow Matsuoka-kun”, you chuckled softly and watched his cheeks flush heavier.   
He sort of liked that idea.   
“And what about [Lastname]-senpai? What spiritual animal would you be?”  
“An anemone fish”  
Rin tried his best to conceal his dismay.  
“A fish?”  
“Yeah? A shark is a fish, too, you know”, you frowned at Rin’s reaction and turned to him.  
“No, that’s not what I mean”, he shot you a glare even though you didn’t do nothing. Well, you already were used to that.  
“A shark is a hunter. It eats other fishes but an anemone fish doesn’t. It’s prey”  
What the hell was he talking about?  
You titled your head to show him that you had absolutely no idea what he meant.  
“An anemone fish gets eaten by a dolphin, a shark, an orca, it also would get eaten by a penguin. Why did they pick a spiritual animal which gets eaten by theirs?”  
What was he playing at?  
“A butterfly doesn’t eat fish, so it would only be Haru, Tachibana-kun and Nagisa eating me”  
The maroon-haired’s cheeks flushed slightly at that and he gave up interpreting stuff. It would only get more embarrassing than it already was.   
Rin didn’t know whether those guys hid some message by picking an anemone fish for you but he knew that it could be interpreted as such.  
“What the hell is with that Ryuugazaki-guy anyway…”  
He put his googles on again, glaring at the water’s surface. Anger was written all over his face and it was easier to tell what he was thinking than expected. But you couldn’t just ask him whether he was jealous in front of Nitori, right?  
“Uh… Matsuoka-kun, could you teach me how to do the crawl? Haru won’t teach me…”, so you decided to change the topic.  
Rin eyed you, obviously displeased but not for the reason you might have thought.   
How was he supposed to teach a woman how to do the crawl? He’d have to hold your hands and hold you up, putting his hands on your stomach. No. The problem wasn't you being a woman it was you being you. How was he supposed to touch you?  
“W-Wha-…”, his voice died in his throat when he tried to say something and his cheeks flushed a slight pink. His frown was angrier than ever before. That was a challenge he couldn’t accept.  
“Well, I could teach you how to do the crawl! I’m not really good at it, but I can try to-…”  
“Tch… fine”

 

“Keep looking at me”, you trusted Rin, leaning forward to float on your stomach.  
“And give me your hands, stupid”, as if you have been waiting for him to offer you his hands you grabbed them and squeezed them quite strongly. Well, you felt panic get the better of you after all.   
You already tried to backstroke, however, facing the water was something completely different. You felt the coldness on your stomach, on your chest.  
Of course, you leaned your head back in an awkward manner, trying to stay out of the water but that wouldn’t work forever, right?  
“Just like that”, Rin’s voice was gentle and he himself was probably surprised by that.  
“You’re doing great, [Lastname]-senpai!”, Nitori cheered from the edge of the pool he was sitting on and waved at you every now and then.  
“Let’s start with the legs first. I told you how, try it”  
“It’s not that different from backstroke, right?”, you asked, looking helplessly up to him.  
The look you gave him made his stomach tingle, there was a strange sensation he noticed since he met you. It was a little similar to the sensation he felt when Nitori praised him and looked up at him but it was different. It also was different from girls hitting on him. Why would he only feel like that when he was with you?   
He even had to clear his throat before he’d manage to say anything.  
“It’s slightly different. Just try it and you’ll see”  
“O-Okay…”  
So you moved your legs slowly, trying to remember every single thing Rin told you about the legs. You did your best to keep your legs mostly stretched, only kicking from the hip. It was hard at first since kicking by bending your knee would be easier.  
“Just like that. The movement of your hip is good…”, wait, what?  
Rin gulped when he noticed that he was looking at your hips for quite some time. He really had no naughty thoughts he just wanted to make sure that you were moving them the right way.   
But he couldn’t help but… look.   
He probably was comparing the you in front of him to the you he'd seen when he was asleep.   
The way you moved your hips when you sat on top of him, supporting yourself with your hands on his chest, your breasts moving every time he thrust into you and those sweet moans that escaped your mouth came back to his mind and he felt unbearably hot. But also really bad.   
Being a man wasn’t easy.  
“Ah! Matsuoka-senpai, you’re blushing”  
“Sh-Shut up! And you! Point your toes! If you don’t, you’d kick the water towards you and that’d make you slower”  
“Y-Yes!”, he seemed really flustered when he looked at you the next time.   
You couldn’t tell why, though.

“Alright, let’s practice the arm movement”, he waited patiently for you to get ready to let go of his hands.   
Rin probably didn’t notice it himself but Nitori saw that he was quite considerate of you. He looked at you, with embarrassed gentleness hidden behind fake strictness.  
When he put his hands on your stomach to keep you from sinking and floating away, he could feel you breathing hasty and nervously.  
“You alright?”, he asked, a frown on his face and you nodded.  
“Just… don’t let go”, you panted slightly, looking at him again with that expression. Your eyes, glistering with helplessness made him feel proud of himself.   
It felt like you really trusted him.  
“I won’t…”, he wouldn’t disappoint you.  
“Are you ready to practice the breathing yet?”  
You flinched at that, panicking internally. You had to put your face under water, right? It probably was a bad idea but you turned your face towards the clear water. You could see the bottom but you felt scared nevertheless.  
You felt your heart race only at the thought of that and your breath hitched. As if the water was already enveloping you, you didn’t dare to breathe. Your chest felt tight and your throat felt soar as if you were about to start coughing.   
That wasn’t a good sign.  
“I-I don’t know…”  
Since Rin had put his hands on your stomach he could tell that your breathing was shallow and hasty. It was the breathing of the most frightened rabbit he’d ever seen. He couldn’t bear with that.  
“Hey… look at me, [Name]”, he let go of you so he was able to take your hands and help you stand. Your eyes were red, so he thought that you were about to cry. But he also could tell that you calmed down when your eyes met his. It probably was because you didn't face the water anymore but he'd like to think that it was because of another reason.  
“Nitori! Get her a towel”, he wanted to help you out really badly, not knowing why.  
“Yes!”

When Nitori disappeared, Rin gave your hands a tender squeeze and kept on looking at you. Your hips were great.   
But he liked your eyes even more.  
When he didn’t do anything but look at you, you felt your cheeks heat up and you couldn’t help but think of what Makoto said earlier. That ‘Rin got fond of you’.   
Was he right? You wanted to know but you couldn’t just ask, right?  
“Hey, don’t you have googles?”, he suddenly asked you and you shook your head. No, you forgot about them. All you had was a swim cap and an old swimsuit.  
He clicked his tongue, pulling the pair of googles off of his head.  
“I lend you mine for now”, he said, suddenly pulling them over your head. He even adjusted them for you so they’d sit perfectly.   
Rin was confusing and you couldn’t help but look at him with wide eyes.  
“You look stupid”, he teased you and you boxed his upper arm to punish him. He couldn’t say that to a human being!  
“Okay then… I’m probably not the most trustworthy man you know…”, he sighed at the thought of babysitting you. But there was no helping it, right? He didn’t want Nitori to coach you and offered his help so he had to coach you. He couldn’t just go back on his word.  
“… but if you want to learn the basics today we have to get over that”, and since he knew that it was going to get cheesy and embarrassing as hell, he sent Nitori away, hoping that he’d stay away for a long time.  
“But how…”, your voice trembled a little and he felt himself getting frustrated and angry. Not because of you but because he noticed that he was being a douche.   
When he met you for the very first time, he felt like you’d understand him. Like he could talk to you because you were a stranger he’d never see again.   
But look at you know.   
He was coaching you, even though he mistreated you and you already knew more about him than he’d expected or wanted.   
But that was alright. Because he couldn’t change that fact anyway. And he could trust you, right? He could entrust you his crying face and his uncertainty because you already knew about it.  
He squeezed one of your hands gently again when he slowly, slowly got on his knees, sinking into the water.  
“Trust me”  
 _Oh god_ , you knew what he was expecting you to do. You shook your head vigorously, feeling tears well up.  
“N-No… please”, your breath started to race again and he wished he knew another way out. But he couldn’t think of one.  
“[Name]”, he gently pulled you closer to him so your body was only inches away from his. Now that you were thinking about it, he started to call you by your first name. Well, you called him, too, by his first name sometimes, unintentionally, right?  
“I’m here”, it was strange. Rin wasn't the one to say such things, right?   
Or, maybe he was. Maybe he actually was the romantic kind of guy but forgot about that part of him ever since he was in Australia.  
“But… why are you doing this? You don’t have to that’s not your cup of tea, right?”, and he knew that you were right. Why would he do this?  
But he also knew that it would drive him mad thinking about it.   
He didn’t know himself, there was no point in searching for some answers. Maybe it was because he felt like you were saving him from himself by being with him, practicing and giving your best. Maybe it was because he admired you.  
“Shut up”, was all he said when he clicked his tongue in obvious embarrassment.  
The maroon-haired male seemed determined so you decided to stop complaining and started trusting him.  
“Okay…”, you sighed, preparing yourself mentally when you slowly got down, letting the water envelop you. You didn’t dare to look away from the pair of red eyes that were looking at you encouragingly and gently in their own way.   
Rin, also, didn’t let you out of sight and he caught himself wishing that Aiichirou would stay away forever.  
Deeper.  
Deeper.  
Deeper.  
Everything seemed fine, however, when the water touched your chin, you stopped, panting anxiously.  
“ _R-Rin_ …!!”, you squeezed his hands with all your might, showing him how scared you were.   
Seeing you like that, Rin’s heart clenched and realization slapped him right in his face.  
He didn’t want you to feel scared. He didn’t want you to feel insecure.  
Because he grew fond of you. Because you were still with him, even though he was treating you badly.  
“Okay. It’s okay, let’s stop here”

“Are you okay in there?”, Rin’s voice could be heard from the other side of the door. You looked down on you, wearing Nitori’s pants and Rin’s sweater.  
“Y-Yeah, it’s just…”, you began, lost in thoughts. That sweater was really big. You were glad that Nitori’s pants fit, at least.  
Since your uniform was drenched, Aiichirou came up with the idea to borrow you some clothes. Well, if that wasn’t a déjà vu right there. You remembered Haru doing the same thing.  
“I’m sorry, [Lastname]-senpai, but I can’t think of anything other than that. We don’t want you to catch a cold”, he was right. The weather got better gradually, however, you didn’t want to get reckless. Especially because of your asthma.  
 _Holy shit, I’m glad my underwear-…_ , your thoughts got interrupted by a strange noise, barely to be heard. It sounded like paper, sliding on the ground.  
When you looked down you saw a picture of four boys on the ground. Those boys obviously were swimmers and they had won a medal, however, you didn’t know them.   
Even though you had no idea who those guys might be, you thought that it might have fallen out of Rin’s sweater. Maybe it was because of that boy who looked similar to Rin. His smile was similar to Rin's, back then.  
But that wasn’t the only surprise for you.  
You got on your knees to pick the picture up and as you were getting down on the ground, you saw something which proper place was under Rin’s and Ai’s bed. Even if you didn’t mean to look, you were able to look at it up close when you picked the picture of those guys up.  
When you sneaked a peek at what was beneath that bed, you saw another picture.  
Of you.  
While you were showering.  
 _Nagisa, that frigging traitor._  
But that wasn’t the end of the story yet.  
There also was a pink magazine which said ‘Ero Ero’ and a tissue box right next to it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooooh, look at that Rin chapter!(I feel like Reader-chan gets slowly stolen by Ai, tho xD) It escalated quickly and got pretty cheesy but that's probably because of the song I was listening to.  
> 'With arms wide open', thank you very much Creed for that inspiration. I can't believe that this fanfiction gets naughtier with every chapter I write xDD Is that alright? I don't knoooow~  
> And I'm looking all the time at the comments, the favs and the followers and I'm always like 'Oh mai gawd how?!' But I'm really glad you like my story and I keep on trying to do my best and keep it interesting (which isn't always that easy)  
> So, that was it again!  
> Feel free to leave a comment!  
> Please, be safe and get/stay healthy, I love you <3  
> See you in the next chapter <3


	19. He, sleeping with you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Since your asthma got worse gradually in Tokyo, you returned to Iwatobi, your hometown and started living with your aunt.  
>  Sports was always something you weren't able to enjoy. And being afraid of the water, swimming was never an option.  
>  When you meet the swimming boys, you couldn't help but think of them as hot and unapproachable. However, you soon get dragged into their business and become the most important person to them.  
>  A person who'd not only see the water's surface but beneath it
> 
> (Re-upload, coming from Quotev)

_Oh my god._  
 _Oh my god._  
 _Are you serious? Was that for real?_  
You laid on your bed the next morning after waking up and stared at the ceiling, remembering what happened yesterday. You barely slept, overthinking things, asking yourself why Rin would have a picture of you. Well, it wasn’t something really alarming, it’s just that Rin wouldn’t have a proper reason for having it, right? Nagisa had countless pictures of you by now so it wasn’t much of a surprise that Rin got one from Nagisa. But you felt betrayed nevertheless. Rin could have at least asked you himself for a picture.   
Was that something creepy? Wanting a picture of a friend?

“[Name]-chan, are you okay?”, your aunt’s voice echoed within your head. She’d look at you with a worried frown on her face, wondering why you’d suddenly rush into the house like that. But you couldn’t tell her that Rin was probably using you as some kind of… ‘jerk-off-material’. Well, since he shared his room with Nitori you’d never know for sure whether it was really Rin’s ‘material’. But still, the thought of it alone made your cheeks turn red and hot. It was embarrassing and you didn’t know whether you should feel disgusted or… flattered? 

“Oi… [Name]. Are you okay in there?”, although it was only a memory of Rin’s voice you got startled by your own mind, flinched and stared at your ceiling with wide eyes. Every single heartbeat your heart had skipped was still very clear to you.  
You clenched your eyes shut, trying not to remember anything anymore. But you couldn’t stop your mind from thinking.

“Y-Yes!!”, you had shoved the picture of you under his bed along with the picture of the young simmer boys and straightened yourself, looking at the door which was opened painfully slowly with wide eyes.  
“I’m coming in. You’re taking way too long in-…”, he stopped talking when he saw you in his sweater and Ai’s pants. You looked like a huge fashionable mistake but he didn’t care. You looked cute. Way cuter than on the pictures Nagisa send to him.  
“I-I’m sorry, I have to go now!”

“Hey, [Name]-chan!! Wake up, princess, you’re going to be late for school!!”  
You groaned when your aunt took you back to reality, knocking on your door, and you covered your head with a pillow.  
“Sweety?”, she opened your door slightly, peeking inside your room. You didn’t want her to see your red face. But, if you were honest, you didn’t know yourself why you behaved like that.   
Should you forget about yesterday? Should you feel proud of it? Or disgusted? Should you blame Nagisa for that?  
“What’s wrong, honey?”, you could feel your matrass move when she sat herself next to you and put her hand on your back.  
“I don’t know~…”, you sighed, still hiding your face.  
“I really don’t know… I feel strange…”, you were glad that you didn’t see the expression on her face when she heard that. However, you could hear her outrage in her voice.  
“Are you in _love_?”  
“No! It’s not that easy!!”, you complained, hitting her with the pillow as you finally dared to look at her.  
“’Not that easy’… what the hell, [Name]-chan, what’s wrong?”  
You sighed, closing your eyes to think about the situation. Well, Rin and Ai are both guys after all. Wasn’t it normal to do those things? No, wait, it was also normal for girls, of course. But thinking of you of all people while doing it...  
“I think… someone fantasizes about me while… jerking… o-off?”  
And the look she gave you was priceless. Well, she was shocked but she didn’t seem really surprised.  
“Well, of course, you are a cutie after all”, she shrugged and smiled at you – at least she tried because that smile didn’t last for long.  
“But I think I have to kill that guy now”

Nana would only laugh at you when you told her about your plight.   
She felt jealous.

“I finally found the reason!!!”  
When you were holding onto the pool’s edge – since you still didn’t dare to put your face under water - to practice your leg movement for the crawl, Rei suddenly chuckled as if he was about to reveal his plan to conquer the world.   
You looked up, curious what was going on.  
“Why I cannot swim!! This speedo is to blame!”, he pointed at his lower half and you followed his index finger on reflex.  
 _Yeah. That speedo is pretty lame._  
No one would want to swim in that, but it was hard to think that that speedo alone was to blame.  
“Hmm”, you hummed, looking up at Rei.   
Did that mean that he wanted a new swimsuit? Wait. Did that mean that you’d go shopping? You finally could get you a new swimsuit yourself!  
“A new swimsuit would be nice”, you finally stated, looking at the boys and Makoto shrugged, smiling at you.  
“Well, it’s settled then. Let’s get Rei and [Name]-chan a new swimsuit this weekend”

“Your form is really great, [Name]-chan”, you had been practicing the arm and leg movement for around 40 minutes already. You had no idea what your next step would be so you didn’t have much of a choice now, did you?  
“Really?”, you looked at Nagisa, whose eyes sparkled whenever he looked at you.  
“That’s the crawl, right? How did you learn that? Haru-chan doesn’t give you some extra treatment, does he?”, the blonde male’s wink made you chuckle, slightly embarrassed. Why does everything he say has to be so… suggestive? Was he doing this on purpose?  
“No…”, you looked over to Haru who happened to look at you, too. When your eyes met, there was a strange feeling you couldn’t shake off.   
He seemed a little down but also flustered. He didn’t want you to swim the crawl and now you’re learning it anyway. That was frustrating to him. Especially when he thought of Rin coaching you.  
Since you seemed to improve yourself at a fast pace, Rei also got interested and watched you practice.  
“Uhm… I have some extra practice, to be honest…”, you smiled sheepishly, hoping that Nagisa would understand without having to ask who your tutor was. And it seemed like he really did.  
“[Name]-senpai… you really could not swim?”, it was hard to believe for Rei that you were able to learn that fast. But you knew that he didn’t mind that at all. What he was thinking about was him, not being able to improve at all.  
“Yeah… but I’m learning it, just like you. It’s the speedo’s fault, remember? Not yours”, you did your best to smile at him encouragingly and he couldn’t help but smile, too.  
“Right”, he was glad that you were able to understand him.  
“Are you getting a new swimsuit, too, [Name]-senpai?”  
You hummed again, thinking about it.   
Why not? It would feel great to actually wear a swimsuit which suited your taste.  
“Yeah”  
Rei couldn’t wait to see you in a swimsuit which would fit your beauty. He hasn’t noticed that his eyes got dreamy when he thought of you in different swimsuits but Nagisa did.  
“Hey, hey, Rei-chan!”  
“W-What?”  
“You’re using [Name]-chan’s first name! Use mine, too!!”  
“N-No!!”  
“Eh?! Why not?! You’re using [Name]-chan’s, too!!”  
“That is because-…!!!”  
He didn’t know the reason himself.

 

“Hey, [Name]-chan… practice is over now… won’t you come out of the pool?”, you looked at the brunette male who crouched in front of you on the edge of the pool. Since you’d only repeat certain movements you didn’t feel like you got anywhere, that’s why you tried to build some muscles at least.  
“Uh… yeah…”, you seemed down, so Makoto kept on smiling at you and got in the pool next to you.  
“You’re doing great. Your legs seem to be pretty strong”, you frowned at that.  
“Are you saying that I’m fat?”  
“ **W-What** …?! O-Of course not! You’re not fat at all, you’re great the way you are”, the more he said the redder his face got. He desperately tried to soothe you and tell you that you are, in fact, really cute and beautiful the way you are but that was way too embarrassing, of course.  
“I-… you know… we all have our body parts which have more muscles. Since I do the backstroke, it’s my back. And your legs seem to be really well build to me, so… I guess that your kick is going to be really awesome”, you didn’t quite know whether he was right about that or not. You only felt your cheeks turn red a little at the praise.  
“Don’t say that… I can’t even swim properly…”, you mumbled embarrassed, avoiding his eyes.  
“But you are going to and you’ll do great”  
You dared to give him a helpless, hopeful look, your brows furrowed and your lips slightly parted.  
“R-Really…?”, you asked, making his heart clench at the cuteness-overflow. Sometimes, he just couldn’t handle you.  
“Yeah…”

“H-Hey… [Name]-chan…”, the others were already changing but Makoto and you were still in the pool, practicing a little. You looked up at the blushing mess Makoto had become.  
“Can I help you… maybe? You seem to have some problems with actually swimming the crawl, so…”  
He was right. You weren’t able to overcome your fear with Rin together so you couldn’t dive into the water even if you wanted to.  
You sighed at that and rubbed your forehead.  
“It’s just… you know… I…”, you knew how you felt but it was hard to put it into words. You were glad that the brunette male understood you well.  
“You’re scared… I know…”, the blush on Makoto’s cheeks vanished and he looked at you, a worried frown on his face. This frown made you feel so incompetent and stupid that you caught yourself groaning and rubbing your face in frustration.  
“Backstroke is fine but crawl is just…”, you cupped your face with your hands, trying to hide yourself from the gentle giant for no reason at all. It wasn’t like he’d laugh at you or hurt you. Not at all. He was the one who understood you the most. But still.   
It was really embarrassing.  
“Hey…”, the tall male took your wrists gently, leading your hands away from your face.  
“It’s okay, I know. I really do, [Name]-chan. It is the same for me, that’s why I mainly swim the backstroke… and it’s hard for me to face the water sometimes…”, his green orbs looked at you gently and there was a loving smile on his lips.  
“But I manage to overcome myself every time if I have to.”  
“For your… friends”, you finished his sentence and he nodded.  
“And for you, too”, your heart melted at that. Makoto wasn’t always that honest why would he say something like that?   
Well… you told him to be honest with you, so…  
“So… can you overcome yourself for us, too?”, he slowly let your hands sink into the water, keeping his eyes on you.  
“And… for me?”  
Your eyes widened at his words and your lips parted, gaping like a fish’s mouth. It’s not like you haven’t tried. You did your best to overcome your fears but sometimes it wasn’t enough. Sometimes you wished you haven’t joined the Swim Club in the first place.  
But Makoto knew that. He knew all of that. He knew that you were shaking, that you felt like crying. Rin knew that, too, but he didn’t understand you the way Makoto did.  
“O-Okay… I trust you…”, you nodded slowly, giving his huge, gentle hand a shy squeeze, showing him that you’d need his assistance.   
You had no idea how happy he was, hearing that from you. His smile was brighter than usual but you didn’t know that he was happy about you, trusting him. It was a small thing after all, right?   
Well, not for Makoto. He felt proud of himself and didn’t want that feeling to go away.  
“I-I already tried it with Rin… but-…”  
“It’s okay”, he didn’t know whether he was upset about the fact that you started to doubt yourself or that you brought Rin up. It probably was a mix of both.  
“We’ll make it. Together”, he said as he gently put his googles on your head since he figured that it would be important for you to see under water so you wouldn’t feel scared.  
After adjusting the googles for you, he pulled you gently closer to his chest, making sure that you felt save.   
However, it wasn’t that easy for him. He couldn’t help but blush slightly even though he tried distracting himself from your small hands on his chest and your cheek, almost touching him. This wasn’t the time to think about something like that after all, right?  
“A-Are you okay?”, he asked in a shy voice, looking down at you.  
Feeling him that close was slightly embarrassing but you nodded anyway, avoiding his eyes. As soon as he made sure that you were ready, he sank into the water, slowly and carefully, not letting you out of his sight. You remembered him of some kind of scared cat, trying to act brave even though it was obvious that you were ready to run away at any noise.  
When the water grazed your chin, you flinched, looking at Makoto helplessly. You couldn’t help but cling onto Makoto as if your life depended on him.   
But he only smiled his understanding and loving smile, his eyes looked gently at you and your braveness. The blush on his cheeks was quite obvious and heavy but he didn’t seem to care. The brunette male focused on you, not allowing anything to disturb you.   
He wished you’d cling onto him like that forever.  
“It’s okay. Take a deep breath, just like that”, he said in a soothing voice, breathing deeply in and out. You could feel his hot breath on your forehead and his chest lift, that’s how close he was.  
You nodded slightly, trying to breathe as calmly as he was. If it wasn’t for him smiling and praising you, you wouldn’t know whether you did good or not. You got lost in his green orbs easily even though he probably wasn’t thinking that way at all. Makoto was concentrating on coaching you, that was all, right?  
“Are you ready?”, knowing that this question was redundant but asking it anyway to indirectly ask you how you were doing. You couldn’t help but shake your head vigorously. There was no way you’d be ready for whatever was waiting for you but you didn’t have a choice now, did you?  
“B-But I try it”, you stuttered, your lips trembling from the very thought of diving into the water.  
“That’s the spirit”, the brunette male gently brushed a strand of hair out of your face, touching your cheeks carefully.  
So you took a deep breath, held it and let yourself sink into the water, looking at Makoto as if he was the only one to make you feel alright.  
He was glad that both of you were under water. He probably might have said something that couldn’t be annulled if it wasn't for the water and you, taking his breath away.

“Wow, they really left without saying anything”, you sighed when you got out of the changing room, drying your hair with a towel. Makoto was waiting for you outside and chuckled slightly embarrassed.  
“Well… they probably thought that they shouldn’t interrupt us… since you made great progress”, Makoto sure was pampering you with all that praise.  
“Well… if it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t have gotten anywhere…”, you said sheepishly, thanking him indirectly for once.  
“You guys help me out so much I don’t know how to make up for it…”, you sighed as your shoulders slumped.  
“We are friends… so you don’t have to make up for anything. Besides… if you weren’t here… I don’t know where we would be right now. Or Rin…”, the brunette male avoided your eyes. It was so obvious that he wanted to know how Rin was doing that it hurt to see him like that. He was such a sweetheart, always watching over his friends and forgetting about himself.  
“He’s alright. He’s struggling a little, but he’s alright, Tachibana-kun”, you touched his upper arm slightly to tell him that you were still with him and smiled at him encouragingly.  
“Everything will turn out fine”  
His green orbs looked at you, gently and gratefully. Ever since he talked to you about his worries it felt like you were a little overprotective towards him. Not that he was bothered by that. Not in the slightest. It made his heart skip a beat and his cheeks flush every time you’d say something that saves him from his thoughts.  
“U-Uhm… about that ‘making up’ for something… Ran and Ren wanted to see you again so... would you mind… well…”, even though he didn’t manage to finish that sentence, you knew exactly what he was getting at.  
“Of course, if you don’t mind”, and he was surprised by that. It was no big deal, understanding what he meant but to him it felt like you read his mind. Of course, that was stupid and cheesy but he couldn’t help but feel indescribable happy about that.  
“N-No, of course not!”

“Oh, thank god, Makoto, you’re back! Ran locked herself in the bathroom and Ren is totally scared!”, as soon as Makoto had opened the door of his house, his parents rushed towards him, dragging luggage along.  
“We already told you that we’d leave you alone with the twins for one night, right? Alright, take care! Oh, hey [Name]-chan, please, make yourself at home!”  
That was it. Makoto’s parents fled Ran, she must be really scary when she was mad.  
Makoto and you exchanged dumbfounded looks as Mr. and Mrs. Tachibana left the house in a hurry. Neither of you were able to comprehend what happened a second ago but you’d find out in a minute.  
“Seems like we’re going to be alone”, Makoto smiled softly at you, there was a hint of guilt on his face. But you didn't mind either way. You weren’t exactly _alone_ **alone** with Makoto, so it was fine, right?   
“Come oooon, Raaaan! Come out, I need to peee!!”, when the both of you heard Ren whine in front of the bathroom door, leaning against it and rubbing his cheek at the wood you rushed towards him.  
“What happened?”, asked Makoto worriedly, a deep frown on his face.  
“She got mad after I said that no boy would like her!”, Ren mewled, looking up at you, hugging your waist and rubbing his face on your stomach.  
“Isn’t that obvious?! You can’t say something like that to Ran”, the brunette male scolded his younger brother as you stroke the back of his head in a soothing manner.  
You crouched down so you could talk to him on his eye level.  
“Why did you say that, Ren?”, you asked him, giving Makoto a look which said that he should look after Ran.  
“Because…”, he sniffled, hugged you again with more strength.  
“Because she wouldn’t stop talking about that boy who kissed her today”  
Makoto’s and your gasps were in tune.  
“Ki-… **Kissed**?!”, Makoto whined, almost squealed, his cheeks were a burning red.  
“I-It was so annoying I said that I didn’t believe her because no boy would like her”, Ren didn’t try to hold his tears back for any longer it was obvious that he regretted what he had done.  
You couldn’t help but chuckle slightly. Those twins are so close, it was too cute. Ran was probably as hurt as Ren and they shared their pain.  
“Why don’t you go and apologize to her, then?”  
He looked at you as if you were his angel, always helping him out with your bright smile. Ren knew that you were right but he was scared. What would he do if Ran wouldn’t forgive him?  
“But… I’m scared. What if she won’t forgive me?”, he mumbled, avoiding your eyes.  
“An apology shows that you still want to be with that person. Of course, there is no guarantee that she’d accept it but that’s all part of apologizing. At least try. You’ll never know”  
“O-Okay…”  
Makoto looked at you, then at Ren. He didn’t know why but he kind of knew that he could trust you with anything. That’s why he left Ren in your care.  
“R-Ran? I-I’m sorry, okay? Please… forgive me”, the young boy seemed so innocent and timid, it made your heart clench.  
It took some time but Ran eventually opened the door, revealing her red and slightly puffed face. She was crying so much, that poor little girl.  
“[N-Name]-oneechan is here, too?”, she asked, sniffling every now and then before hugging you dearly.  
“Hey, Ran…”, you smiled gently at her.  
“I heard that a boy kissed you? Congratulation”  
“I-It was only the cheek… and don't say embarrassing stuff like that... stupid [Name]-oneechan”  
When Ren noticed that Ran’s anger was soothed he joined in, hugging you, too.

“Hey, oniichan! Can’t [Name]-oneechan stay over tonight?”, Ran tugged at Makoto’s shirt and whined.  
“She can sleep in my bed”, Ren suggested, snuggling into you. He wasn’t paying much attention to the movie you were watching, sitting on the couch.  
 _Well, that escalated quickly._  
Makoto and you exchanged shocked looks. Everybody knew what everybody would think of something like that. A girl sleeps over at a boy’s place? Hell, no and aunty would rather kill you.  
“Ran! Ren! We can’t bother her any longer!”  
“Why not? It would be her first time sleeping over at our place! It would be fun!”, the twins whined, attacking Makoto with their puppy eyes and tugs on his shirt. He sure didn’t know what to do about it. His helpless, green orbs looked at you, searching for help.  
“U-Uhm… Ran, Ren. I don’t have any spare clothes with me. I’m not prepared at all”  
“That’s no big deal! There’s no school tomorrow anyway, right? So you can borrow some clothes to sleep in and tomorrow you’ll change”, Ran was eager to keep you at the Tachibana house. It felt like they were taking you hostage.  
“ _Pleeeease_!!”, they mewled in tune, attacking you this time.  
There was no way you could defy them so you sighed.  
“Fine… I’ll ask aunty”

“No. Absolutely not. No way. I know, Makoto-kun is an angel but that’s the reason why I won’t let you. There’s no way you’d keep your hands off of him”  
You gasped in shock.  
“What? **Me**?! Aunty! Makoto and I aren’t like that”, you whined, hoping Makoto wouldn’t hear you.   
You’d left the twins on the couch with Makoto and you went to another room to call your aunty. But there was no way he _wouldn’t_ hear you.  
Especially since you called him by his first name.  
“You’re calling him by his first name even!”  
“No, I’m not, that was an accident because you called him by his first name, okay? To me, he’s Tachibana-kun and he always will be so please stop jumping to conclusions just because you feel like it! The twins really want me to stay over, plus, it would be my first time actually staying over at someone's place”, you attacked her with arguments, knowing that she’d give in eventually.   
You were her beloved niece after all.  
She fell silent for some time before sighing eventually.  
“Fine. But if you show up pregnant at my place, I swear to god, we’ll name that kid after the worst anime character you’ve ever seen. Sailor Moon or something”

“That was… a rather heated conversation”, Makoto looked at you when he noticed that you were coming back, a timid smile on his face. He sure didn’t want to anger you any further.  
“Yeah, well, she’s overprotective but since I’m her cute little niece she’d always grant my wishes.”  
“Woah! [Name]-oneechan can stay?!”  
“Green light!”, you gave the twins a thumb-up and smiled, proud of yourself.  
“Yes, _yes_ , **yes**! We’ll play all night long!”

Well, that’s what they said, however, the twins were the first ones to fall asleep.  
“Sorry… for making you do this…”, the brunette male, who was walking up stairs in front of you looked back at you, smiling apologetic. Ren was a little heavy – thank god, he was a healthy young boy after all – but you were alright. His legs were around your waist, his arms around your neck and you gently press his body on yours so he wouldn’t fall. Ren mumbled every now and then in his sleep, you could hear it clearly because his head was on your shoulder, his breath caressing your ear and neck.  
He was so cute.  
“[Name]-oneechan…”, you didn’t notice it but Makoto flinched slightly at Ren, mumbling your name in his sleep.  
“I want to marry you… please”  
The brunette male acted like nothing happened, even though his cheeks flushed a heavy red and his heart clenched painfully at Ren’s words. It wasn’t because he was scared of the twins growing up. No, he knew that they were growing, just like he was when he was younger.   
It just… was too fast.   
But that wasn’t the main reason for his concern. Well, it wasn’t like he was afraid of you stealing the twins away from him either because he knew that they also needed a female role model except their mother to see things from a different point of view than their mother.  
No.  
He never believed it but Ran and Ren were right back then.   
Someone would steal you away from him and it would be a matter of time until Ren would actually take you away from him.  
Was he… jealous of his own little brother?   
Makoto felt disgusted with himself.  
“Tachibana-kun?”, he was acting strange and stopped walking after you got upstairs. So you decided to call out to him. Since the light in the hallway was dim, you didn’t see his expression.  
“A-Ah, I’m sorry. I-If you want to, you… can take a shower, I’ll prepare a towel and some clothes for you”

The hot water felt good on your skin. Your muscles felt sore ever since practice and showering like that always soothed your pain. Your hands run through your hair, wetting it properly. Taking a shower wasn’t that much of a bother than swimming. The amount of water was just too small to be afraid.  
“[N-Name]-chan?”, there was a knock on the door.  
“Hm?”  
“Uhm… can I… enter?”  
You chuckled at that.  
“Tachibana-kun, it’s _your_ bathroom and I’m still showering so it’s okay”, he wouldn’t see you naked, so you didn’t think that it was a big deal. However, the more you thought about it, the more embarrassing it got.  
You heard the door open and the shuffling of clothes.  
“I… I just put the clothes on the stool… a spare toothbrush is next to the sink”, his embarrassment made you feel flustered and you felt your cheeks flush.  
“I-I’m sorry about the clothes… mom took most of her clothes with her so there wasn’t much left for you to wear… but I could get you some pants so, at least they’d fit you…”, he cleared his throat which made your heart beat even faster and the hot water was a forgotten matter.  
“Th-Thank you…”  
There was silence again and Makoto didn’t speak for some time, so you thought that he had left and turned the water off. You squeezed some water out of your hair which run over your back and dripped down.  
“Thanks for today… The twins really adore you and they had fun…”, you flinched when you heard Makoto’s voice.  
“I-I thought you left!”, you whined, complaining a little. God knows how embarrassing this could have ended!  
“I-I!! S-Sorry, I-I didn’t mean to… u-uhm… s-sorry!!”

“Hmm… it’s really big…”, you mumbled when you had entered Makoto’s room.   
It wasn’t your first time being here since you played games and made pancakes at Makoto’s place some time ago.  
But it was you first time being alone with Makoto in his room. Well, the kids slept next door, so you weren’t exactly _alone_ **alone**. But you couldn’t help but feel flustered.  
The pants fit you perfectly, they were a skinny pair of leggings, however, you knew that it was Makoto’s shirt you were wearing.   
It was so big on you!   
It was azure and luckily had no cleavage at all. Makoto really was paying attention to those kind of things, even though he didn’t seem that way.  
It was already big enough to reveal one of your shoulders, if it had a cleavage it would reveal other parts of skin, too.  
 _Oh god, don’t think about that._  
Well, Makoto was probably thinking about it since his face was fire red as soon as you had entered his room.  
“U-Uhm… I-I’m sorry, we don’t have a guest room and we only got some futons…”, apparently, Makoto had moved the whole furniture of his room in order to put two futons on the ground, next to his bed. He was still sitting on the ground, moving the futons a little.  
“It’s okay”, you shrugged and walked towards him. With every move you made his huge shirt moved, too. Thinking of the fact that your skin was beneath his shirt drove him crazy with embarrassment. That’s why he couldn’t look you in the eye.  
“But… one futon would have been enough”, you said, sitting yourself next to him. He couldn’t help but stutter at that, obviously flustered.  
“U-Uhm… that’s because…”, his cheeks were just as red as a tomato and you were really worried that he might burst.  
“I-I… I can’t sleep in the bed when you’re sleeping on the floor… So… I actually thought that it would be better for you to sleep on my bed and-…”  
“Nononono, that’s alright, really, I sleep on the floor!”, you interrupted him, grabbing the pillow on the floor and hugging it tightly in protest. You felt embarrassment get the better of you.  
“See? I’d feel guilty if you'd sleep on the floor…”, even though Makoto was a gentle giant, he could be rather stubborn and persistent. You couldn’t help but chuckle.  
“You’re so gentle… but that doesn’t keep you from having your way, does it?”, he blushed at that even more, avoiding your eyes.   
His green orbs suddenly had turned dark and there was a deep frown on his face.  
“Is that… bad?”, he clenched his fists, digging his nails into the soft mat on the floor.   
His hands were shaking even his lips trembled slightly. He could feel his heart beat painfully and there was a heavy feeling of worry in his chest.  
“No, not at all”  
“But… isn’t that selfish?”, his grip on the sheets grew stronger, if there wouldn’t have been textile between his nails and skin, he would have probably started to bleed by now.  
You understood where he was coming from. You already knew that Makoto was way too afraid of being selfish. He’d always put others first, ignoring his own feelings. However, at the same time, he really wanted to be taken care of. It was obvious that he was happy whenever someone was able to read his mind, to understand him. That was enough for him. He needed to know that he was important.   
Because he’d forget it otherwise.  
“Yes, sometimes it’s a little selfish”, you smiled gently at him, putting your hand carefully on his, causing him to look at you, finally.  
“But, I already told you: It’s fine to be selfish once in a while. And besides, you’re not only having your way just because you want to. You’re having your way because you know that it makes your friends feel good and acknowledged. To be honest: I’d probably feel a little lonely, alone on the floor. And you thought about that. That’s not selfish. That’s being considerate. You’re stubborn when it comes to making your friends happy. And I really love that about you. But don’t overdo it. I want you to be selfish, too. I want you to speak your mind and to wear your heart on your sleeve, even if it’s just a little. If you ever feel uncomfortable or insecure because you think you’re too selfish, please, say something. Because then I can tell you that you’re wrong. You’re never too selfish. It’s not selfishness if you really, really need it. I want you to be more secure, to feel safe when you’re selfish. We really like you. And that won’t change. Ever.”  
 _Wow, that was a pretty long speech_ , you chuckled in your thoughts but you felt like it was necessary. He really needed that.  
Makoto’s cheeks were flushed and he looked at you, with wide, green, sparkling orbs and gaping mouth. He was fascinated by how much you had to say about him. And how right you were.  
“[N-Name]-chan…”, the grip on the sheets grew softer and he ended up holding your hand in his. He was so gentle and caring, it was heartbreaking.  
“Hm? What is it?”, the brunette male chuckled at your innocent smile and words and you couldn’t help but look at him in confusion.  
“It’s just…”, he looked at your hands, his holding yours carefully and it felt like there was no one’s hand which looked better in his than yours. He definitely couldn’t see someone other’s hand in his.  
“I’m really glad you joined the club… “  
He never wanted to let go of this hand of yours. Even though he was holding it only for a few minutes, it felt like his hand would go really cold if yours wasn’t there.  
He never wanted to let go.

“Hey… [Name]-chan? Are you sleeping?”, you heard the shuffling of the blanket next to you when Makoto moved to look at you. His shoulder brushed yours.  
“No… you?”, you asked, out of reflex, realizing that it was actually a pretty silly question.  
“No…”, Makoto answered, lost in thoughts.  
“It’s… my first time sleeping at someone’s place, so… I’m a little nervous”, you confessed, moving, too, to look at Makoto. It was way too dark to actually see him but you could see his silhouette and feel his warmth next to you.   
That was enough.  
“Uhm… Makoto? You guys are childhood friends, right?”, you didn’t know yourself why you thought about that all of a sudden. Sometimes it still made you feel sad that you haven’t spent much time with them.  
“Yeah… why?”, it was actually embarrassing, thinking like that but you wanted to be their childhood friend, too. Well, Haru was your childhood friend, sort of. But not for long and you can’t remember him.   
That wasn’t the same thing, was it?  
“Well… it’s just… it feels a little lonely… I want to be your childhood friend, too… I want to know you guys better, have some more memories to remember and stuff… and sometimes I can’t help but ask myself what you guys would do if I were your childhood friend, too. What would it be like? Like, right now, what would you do?”  
Makoto hummed at your words, thinking about it for some time.  
“You don’t really have to be our childhood friend to be important to us, you know? Even though you don’t know us for that long, you’ll get to know us better, you know me well already, even Haru and the others. And we can make some memories together with you anytime, like right now”, he told you and you knew that he was right. Not being an actual childhood friend didn’t make you less important.  
Again you heard the sheets next to you rustle a little.  
“And… as for the what I’d to if you were our childhood friend… when I was little and couldn’t sleep, I’d hold onto Haru’s shirt…”, he chuckled again, embarrassed.  
“Really?”, you laughed a little at that and tried to imagine that.  
“That’s adorable”  
“Please, don’t say that… it’s embarrassing…”  
“Sorry, sorry”, you chuckled, looking at him and, even though it was dark and you couldn’t see him quite well before, you felt like you saw every inch of his face clearly now.  
“Do you want to hold onto my shirt, too?”, you then asked, teasing him a little, causing him to flinch and stutter at that.  
“Wh-What?!”, he exclaimed and you could almost see his flushed cheeks.  
“That was a joke, Tachibana-kun”, you couldn’t help but laugh at his reaction.   
He was so cute.  
After some time, he dared to relax again, telling himself that you were only joking. But he couldn’t help but feel slightly disappointed at that.  
“You know… I did something like that, too…”, you said, trying to tell him that he wasn’t the only one, doing embarrassing stuff.  
“When we were little, Nana would sleep over at my place a lot… and, whenever we couldn’t sleep, we’d hold hands… We eventually stopped doing that because she said we’re too old for such things now”, maybe she was right but it made you feel lonely nevertheless. You were so much closer to Nana back then, where did that time go?  
“I don’t know but… holding someone’s hand when you can’t sleep feels really good… like, you can feel their warmth just by touching their hand. You know that they’re always there because your hands touch… like you could take them anywhere”  
Makoto wasn’t saying a single word. He probably was falling asleep since your story must have been boring to him.   
Or, that’s what you thought.  
“Wow… I didn’t know that you were thinking like that”, he chuckled softly and you could feel his kindness all over you.  
“Sorry, it sounds stupid, I know”  
“No, not at all. I think it sounds really cute… and great. Being connected with only your hands but being able to feel so close nevertheless…”  
“Yeah… that’s what I meant…”  
It was strange, talking about stuff like that with Makoto. You were glad that he didn’t laugh at you since that stuff was really cheesy. But it was romantic nevertheless and feeling like that must feel really nice. Who wouldn’t want feel something like that?  
“Hey… [Name]-chan?”  
“Yeah?”  
“You said that you feel lonely because you don’t know us for that long… would that feeling change if… uhm…”, you could hear Makoto gulp and you only noticed then that he really wasn’t that far away from you.  
“If… we’d hold hands… when we can’t sleep? Just like you and Nana-chan did back then?”  
Now it was your turn to gasp and flinch at his words. Was he serious?  
“Wh-What?! B-But… would that be alright?”, your embarrassment was making him feel flustered and he thought that he shouldn’t have said anything.   
But there was no turning back now.  
“If we would be actual childhood friends… I think that I’d hold your hand, too… I know that we aren’t children anymore… but I want to be connected to you like that… and I want to treat you like a close childhood friend”, even though he tried to sound reasonable, he failed to hide his embarrassment.  
“I-If you don’t mind… it’s okay, I guess…”, you said, feeling your cheeks heat up in an instant.  
Almost simultaneously, the both of you started to move your hands towards each other, slowly and sheepishly. Your hand was searching for his, expecting him every moment and he felt the same way.   
It felt like an eternity, even though only a few seconds passed by until your fingertips touched his and the sudden touch made you freeze at first. But then you moved towards him again, just like he did and took his hand. You felt your heart race and your blood boil within you due to shame.  
Oh god, why were you doing this again?  
Makoto squeezed your hand gently, not saying a word. Well, there were no words needed.  
His hand felt so warm and strong, it wasn’t the first time you’ve touched it but it sure felt like it.   
But even though your heart was racing, you felt at ease now. Makoto was right there, next to you and wouldn’t leave your side. He was closer to you now than a few hours ago.  
“Are you feeling better now?”, he then asked, squeezing your hand again.  
“Yeah, thank you”, you even yawned, noticing how tired you were, thanks to him.  
“How about you?”, you asked, sleepily looking at him, earning a gentle chuckle from him.  
“Yeah, I feel better, too… You sound really sleepy, [Name]-chan”  
“Yeah”, you mewled, yawning again, rubbing your eye with your other hand.  
“Due to my nervousness I haven’t noticed how tired I am…”  
“Let’s sleep, then…”, again, he squeezed your hand, moving a little closer to you so your shoulders would touch.  
“Okay… good night, Tachibana-kun…”  
“Good night… 

[Name]…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phewwww, here, have some fluff! It's a long Makoto chapter, but, don't worry, I haven't forgotten about the others! They'll get their chapters, too <3  
> Please, feel free to comment and share your thoughts with me, this chapter was horribly cheesy, I know, but I still can't get over Makoto, holding hands with Reader-chan in their sleep, that's so adorable I could cry.  
> Your comments really keep me going, so, please, if it's not too much to ask for, keep on encouraging me like that because writers depend on their readers <3  
> I'm really happy about starting this story and that you actually read it!  
> Please, stay safe and take care of yourself!!  
> See you in the next chapter <3


	20. He, whose feelings can't be honest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Since your asthma got worse gradually in Tokyo, you returned to Iwatobi, your hometown and started living with your aunt.  
>  Sports was always something you weren't able to enjoy. And being afraid of the water, swimming was never an option.  
>  When you meet the swimming boys, you couldn't help but think of them as hot and unapproachable. However, you soon get dragged into their business and become the most important person to them.  
>  A person who'd not only see the water's surface but beneath it
> 
> (Re-upload, coming from Quotev)

„Mh…“, you opened your eyes slowly but your vision was still blurry from sleepiness so you weren’t able to orient yourself.  
“Tachibana-kun…?”, he was the first thing that came to your mind. You were searching for his warmth so you looked at the hand which held his. He was still there, squeezing your hand gently.  
“Good morning…”, when you heard his voice, you looked at his face.   
When your eyes met, he smiled lovingly at you caressing the back of your hand with his thumb.  
“Morning…”, you yawned back, wondering how long he had been watching you.   
However, when you tried to move your other hand to rub your sleepy eyes, you noticed that that hand was busy holding onto something, too. You looked to your other side to see that you were holding onto someone’s shirt.  
“Haru…”, his deep blue eyes watched you and you couldn’t help but melt at the kindness in his eyes. They were so close to you that your heads were only some millimeters away from each other.  
“You are here, too?”, you asked, again yawning. You had spelt surprisingly well but waking up always was a task so you couldn’t help but yawn over and over again.  
Haru only watched you yawn, feeling like he just woke up next to you. You reminded him of a helpless cat, holding onto his shirt.  
“Haru came over to pick us up but you wouldn’t wake up… you even dragged us into the futon, mumbling in protest”, Makoto chuckled softly and you looked at him again. That sounded like something you could do, probably…?  
“Sorry…”, you chuckled apologetic, sitting yourself up finally. You stretched yourself to shake the feeling of sleep off of your muscles and smiled back at the boys.  
They were looking at you, still lying on the futon and had different feelings about this situation. Makoto, for example, wanted you to stay by their side, he felt like tickling you awake and laugh with Haru and you until you’d fall asleep again. He really didn’t want to wake up yet.  
As for Haru, he didn’t know what he was feeling. He didn’t feel like moving either but he figured that it would be meaningless to stay in bed if you wouldn’t be there. What did that mean?   
He felt irritated at himself for not knowing what those feelings were.  
“Well… we wanted to buy swimsuits, right?”

“Ah, welcome back [Name]-chan!”, your aunt cheered when you paid her a visit to change clothes. Since Makoto’s parents would come home, he was able to come with you along with Haru.  
Your aunt tried to act as casual as she could but her face betrayed her. She really wasn’t fond of the idea that you slept at Makoto’s place and brought even Haru with you. Because, to her, it seemed like you were sleeping with Makoto and Haru, which was even worse.  
“Did you get enough sleep last night?”, you looked at her for some time before understanding what she meant.  
“Oh my god! Aunty, _please_!!”, you hissed, hoping Haru and Makoto, who waited in the entrance, wouldn’t hear her.  
“Nothing happened, okay?”  
You told her that you’d go buy new swimsuits with the guys and came to change clothes.   
In your room, you took the time to check your phone. There were messages from Nana, telling you that you should pay more attention to her, how much of an idiot you were and that she wanted to meet up with you some time.  
She really felt left out since you joined the swim club. Well, you couldn’t blame her. You spent most of the time with the boys. So you decided to tell her that you’d go buy swimsuits and asked her if she wanted to come along.  
You got her mail soon after you sent one to her. She really looked forward.  
 _’I’d love to!!! Wait for me at your house!!’_  
You haven't noticed that there were some older messages from someone, waiting for you to read them.

“Wait! There was some mail for you!”, your aunt suddenly said when you were about to leave the house.   
She handed you a letter, there was no sender, again.

_’Hello, dear [Name]-chan!  
Saw you, doing some extra practice in our pool. You’re really doing great, keep up the good work!’_

That was it. You didn’t know what to think of that so you decided to not think about it at all, for the time being. You stuffed the letter in your pocket and waved at your aunt.  
“Nana-chan wants to come along, so I’m waiting for her. You guys can go ahead!”, Makoto looked at you, thinking of something.  
“That friend you used to hold hands with?”, he then asked, looking at you innocently but it was obvious that he was teasing you a little.  
You blushed heavily at that, glaring at him. Haru didn’t quite understood what was going on but he remembered that Makoto and you were holding hands so it must have been connected to that.  
Why was he feeling so left out?

“[N-Name]-senpai?!”  
When you heard a familiar voice come from next to you, you turned towards the younger male with gray hair. It was Nitori, who probably had paid his grandfather a visit.  
“Nitori-kun!”, you didn’t notice that you actually were cheering, obviously happy to see him.   
Well, he was a cute angel after all. A little clingy, but cute nevertheless.  
“Are you going out today?”, he asked, his eyes sparkling ever since the moment he saw you.  
“Yeah, we go buy some swimsuits”  
“Really?! We go buy some, too! Maybe we can buy them together?”, he looked really hyped and something told you that you are partly responsible for that.  
“Dream on, little boy! She’s with me today!”, you heard a familiar voice behind you and an arm was being wrapped around your shoulders.  
It was Nana and she pulled you closer, resting her head on your shoulder.   
She’d always do stuff like that, sometimes making people doubt her sexuality. But you didn’t mind whatever sexual preferences she had.   
She was your friend after all.  
“Oh, come on! He can come with us!”

“Urgh, this is bad. I got a mail from captain Mikoshiba”, Ai whined next to you, sighing every now and then as he wondered how he should reply. It took him some time to actually find the courage to reply.  
“Why are you coming with us anyway? This is supposed to be a girl’s day. Just [Name]-chan and me”, Nana leaned forward so she could look past you at Nitori, who, also, sat next to you.  
“I-I’m sorry!”, he instantly flinched, hiding himself behind you.  
You already sensed that Nitori wasn’t as innocent and anxious as he seemed. It was quite the contrary. He even saved you from Rin one time, so he was pretty bold. But even Nana was able to make him tremble in fear.  
“Well, we would have met anyway at the shop”, you tried to soothe Nana’s jealousy and smiled at Ai encouragingly.  
“And we don’t have the opportunity to talk to each other often, so I’m glad we met, Nitori-kun”  
Seeing you defend him like that, he couldn’t help but smile and admiring you for who you are. He didn’t know why but, even though you were still clumsy when it came to swimming, he looked up to you. Maybe it was the fact that he, somehow, knew that you’d be good at swimming. One day. But he also knew that he could learn a lot from you already.  
“[Name]-senpai… I’m really glad that we met, too. I only wished we could talk more often…”, his expression grew slightly melancholic and it was obvious that he was bothered by that.  
“Ew, disgusting”, you could hear Nana grunt next to you as she leaned back in the seat.   
Wow. She was jealous. Obviously but she wouldn’t show it.   
Her behavior made you sigh in frustration.  
“Well, we can meet up some time, Nana, Nitori-kun”  
“R-Really? Thank you so much!”, while Nitori’s eyes were sparkling in anticipation, Nana glared daggers at you.  
But she was obviously glad to be able to spend some time with you after so long.  
The sudden buzzing of your phone startled the three of you. You fished it out of your pocket and looked at the display.  
“From Makoto-senpai, huh…”, Nana’s change in mood sent shivers down your spine.  
“Yeah-… he’s asking if I’m alright since I’m taking really long.”  
“Yeah, I can read myself”, was what she said, eyeing the display.  
“It is not polite to read other’s mails! Please, don’t read [Name]-senpai’s mails”  
Even though Nana was your childhood friend, you didn’t feel safe around her at that moment. You were really glad that Aiichirou was sitting next to you.  
“It’s okay, she’s my friend”, but you didn’t want any of them to get mad for some reason so you decided to play the reasonable one.  
“No, don’t get me wrong, I already know that you’re mailing him and it’s no big deal… just… you probably shouldn’t get too close to him”  
All of a sudden you felt cold as if you forgot your scarf when it was snowing heavily outside.  
“Why?”, if it wasn’t for the reason Nana said it was, what kind of reason was it this time, then?  
“Just… don’t. But then… it’s probably too late for that now…”

“I’m sorry but I really have to meet up with the captain! He probably is really mad because I took so long! See you later, [Name]-senpai!!”, Nitori excused himself soon after you left the train station and run off just like that. Seijuurou must be really scary when he was mad.  
“Okay then!!”, you could hear Nana cheer next to you. She looked so lively and full of spirit, you haven’t seen her like that for some time. But still, you knew that she hasn’t changed at all. She was always like that, always looking forward to spend some time with you as if you were the only person who really mattered to her.  
And you spent most of your time with the boys.  
That fact was weighing you down, making you feel guilty.  
“Hey, Nana?”, you felt like apologizing so you turned to her. There was obvious regret on your face.  
“Sorry for being busy with the guys… sorry for neglecting you”, you gulped, feeling regret and guilt crawling up your throat, making it feel sore.  
But she only smiled at you, took your hand and dragged you along.  
“It’s fine. I’m busy with my club activities, too, so don’t sweat it. So… I’m kinda neglecting you, too”  
And with that she entwined her fingers with yours, squeezing your hand gently.  
You didn’t know why but you had to think of Makoto, holding your hand.  
Why can’t you get closer to him? She said she was over him, right?  
 _Maybe I shouldn’t tell her that I slept over at his place yet._

“Oh, that would look good on you!!”, Nana didn’t waste a second and showed you some swim suits, holding them on your body to imagine you in those. Each of them was revealing hella lot of skin and most of them were bikinis. Since you had to move a lot – well, you **were** swimming not only splashing around after all – and you were scared that you’d lose the bikini you told her that a proper swimsuit was probably the best choice.  
Well, you thought that having Nana with you would make things easier since she knew what she was talking about but it seemed like she only was messing around with you. Even though she grew up swimming, unlike you… shouldn’t she take swimming seriously, then?  
Well, she stopped after all.  
“Hey, Nana?”, a worried frown was on your face when you talked again, looking through the swimsuits. There actually were some pretty cute ones but you looked for something more… professional?  
“Why did you stop swimming?”, you haven’t had the chance to ask her.   
Well, that was a lie. You actually had lot of chances to ask her. But you didn’t. In fact, you just noticed that she wasn’t as serious about swimming as she used to be. She would have joined the Swim Club in a second.  
The rustling of clothes and clothes hooks stopped all of a sudden and she avoided your eyes, obviously nervous.  
“Well…”, she took a deep breath, closing her eyes for a second as if to shake off some unpleasant thoughts.  
“… after what had happened to you…”, she finally started looking through the swim suits again.  
“I couldn’t swim…”, your eyes met and you felt overwhelmed by the nostalgia and melancholia in her eyes. What did she mean, she ‘couldn’t’? Was she also afraid just like you?  
“You couldn’t?”, you asked. It seemed like Nana really wanted to talk to you about it but didn’t know where to start so you decided to help her out a little by asking more questions.  
“Yeah…”, she sighed, looking at the swimsuit in her hand. It was a black one piece with white curves on it. She actually managed to be serious about it and hand you a sporty swim suit.  
“Well, I could swim, of course there was no way I’d forget how to… but you know… there was no moment I didn’t think of you, your arms jerking up, your mouth wide open, desperate for some air. And, before I knew it, my time got worse and worse, my limbs didn’t really felt like moving at all and I just looked at the water, asking myself why I would swim if you weren’t there with me”, there was a bitter smile on her lips and it took her some courage to look you in the eyes.  
You had no idea how she felt. Well, there was no way that incident _wouldn’g_ leave marks but you didn’t know that it was that bad.   
You tried to make her look at you by looking at her, hoping she’d forgive you. You felt really guilty for that.  
“I’m sorry… Nana, I-… I had no idea…”  
“No. It’s not your fault. I just… I couldn’t swim without you. I could before but when you said you’d join the ICS with me, I was overjoyed. I wanted to forget about the feeling I had when I swam alone. I wanted to get used to the feeling I had when I swam with you…”, she said, searching for some other swim suits even though she knew that the one she gave you was perfectly fine. It was obvious that she tried to distract herself.  
“Swimming without you was completely meaningless. That’s what I understood when you joined the Swim Club back then. So I quit some weeks after that incident. And I felt relieved”, her smile grew brighter, finally.  
“Hey… now we _can_ swim together…”, you finally said, smiling at her, gaining a bright smile from her.   
Seriously… she’d die without you.  
“Thank you… [Name]…”, but getting melancholic like that wasn’t like Nana at all and she knew that. That’s why she changed the topic.  
“Okay then! Get changed, I wanna see that sexy swim suit cling onto your hot body!”, she rubbed her hands, a mischievous smile on her face as she shoved you into the nearest changing room.  
You stumbled in but you weren’t able to utter even a word before Nana closed the curtain.  
You couldn’t help but sigh a little at her behavior but you were glad that you were able to spend some time with her. However, the faces of the Swim Club members popped up in your head and you wondered why you wouldn’t see them anywhere around. Well, it was a huge store after all.  
You even lost sight of Aiichirou…  
Wait.  
Aiichiro was here, too, right? And Seijuurou also, right?  
 _Does that mean that Rin is here, too?_ , you wondered, slightly surprised at your own stupidity. Why haven’t you noticed it earlier? If Ai was here it meant that Rin was here as well.  
And Haru and the others were here, too!!!  
 _Oh my god, that’s not good at all!!!_ , they raced each other when they met the last time! What would they do if they’d meet each other this time?  
You couldn’t help but think of the worst scenarios possible and you hurried up changing.  
The swim suit actually suited you. Almost too perfectly. It clung onto your body but didn’t make you look plump so you thought that you could wear it with confidence. It was rare, finding such treasures when it comes to swim suits but it seemed like Nana was a pro after all. She knows what suits you best right away.  
When you changed back and opened the curtain, Nana was gone.  
You didn’t know why, she hadn’t said a word about leaving and you caught yourself looking for her desperately.  
“Ah! [Name]-kun! I’m glad you’re still here!!”, oh, that voice sounded familiar.  
“[Name]-senpai!!”, Aiichirou seemed more stressed out than Seijuurou, who seemed really glad to see you.  
“Yo! Ai told me that you’d be here”, he smiled down at you confidently but gently at the same time. You didn’t know how he did that but he always managed to seem confident without being intimidating.  
“Oh, hey guys”, well, you were looking for Nana but you didn’t mind a small talk with those guys. Nana had to wait, she was the one who left in the first place.  
“Nitori-kun also told me that you’re doing your best, even though you couldn’t swim at first!”, when the red-head said that, he couldn’t help but smile proudly.   
He really adored you, huh. That’s why he was encouraging you that much. But he also did it to make you blush and he didn’t fail.  
“U-Uhm… well, yeah…”, you rubbed the back of your head, feeling blood rush into your cheeks, making them feel hot.   
You avoided his eyes at all costs, they wandered around, looking for something. Anything was fine.   
Anything but that Seijuurou who adored you more than anyone even though he didn’t know you for that long. The way you acted and the fact that you were trying so hard to learn how to swim was enough reason for him to like you. He was as simple as that.  
When your eyes were wandering around aimlessly they really found something.  
It was Nana, standing quite some meters away from you, talking to Makoto who couldn’t help but blush at her eagerness.   
Didn’t she say that she was over Makoto already? Why was she acting like that? Why was she touching his upper arm casually like that?   
And what was Makoto blushing for? Nana wasn’t that funny. Well, she was but only with you. Your in jokes were the only thing that made her funny.  
It took you some time to notice that Rei and Nagisa were there, too.   
But Haru and Kou were missing.

“[Name]-kun?”, you flinched slightly when Seijuurou’s voice dragged your mind down to earth again.  
“H-Hm?”, when you looked at him, his worried frown vanished and he grinned again. It was that caring smile of his which didn’t fail to lift your spirit.  
“Well, I wanted to give you a present to encourage you. You’re doing great and I want you to do even better”, was what he said when he handed you a pair of googles. They seemed rather old and the color of the rubber band was turning pale gradually.  
Your heart clenched at the sight. It felt like Seijuurou put something really important in your hands.  
“They are my old ones. From middle school. I never lost a race even once while wearing them”, he put his chest out, smiling brightly and proudly at you.  
“Those are the googles of a winner, [Name]-kun! It’s my lucky charm for you!”  
You inspected them further and you found Seijuurou’s name written on the rubber band. However, it was crossed out and your name stood right next to it.  
Again, your heart swelled with bliss and happiness. You had no idea that Seijuurou cared for you that much.  
“Thank you… I won’t lose while wearing them, either”  
“U-Uuuhm!! [Name]-senpai! I don’t want to ruin the mood or something but I think that something bad will happen! Matsuoka-senpai and Nanase-senpai just went outside! There was a really grim atmosphere around them!”, Aiichirou held those words back for some time now but he couldn’t bear it any longer. He really wanted you to look after them, it was written all over his face.  
But, why you? You weren’t in the position to do so, right? You were sure that they had something to talk about and it wouldn’t be right to intervene.  
“Please, [Name]-senpai!!”, oh boy… those puppy eyes really were the end of you.  
“Fine”, you sighed, not noticing that purple orbs were observing you, holding a tiny hint of loneliness within them. 

You went outside, not telling Nana or the boys anything about it. You still were slightly mad at her for hanging out with Makoto, acting all casual with him.  
“What’s with her anyway…”, you sighed, looking for the two trouble makers, known as Rin and Haru. It didn’t feel right to look for them with the intention to intervene. But Ai really was convincing sometimes.  
“I want a real race!!”, you flinched slightly when you heard a familiar voice growl those words. It was Rin.   
You finally found the guys standing by a fence at the backdoor of the shop.  
You facepalmed yourself when you hid yourself behind a tree instinctively.  
 _[Name], you wanted to intervene, remember??!_ , but there was no point in trying to convince yourself. Because Rin seemed really down. He really seemed like he had to talk about what was bothering him. Why would you try to stop him from doing so?  
You heard Haru say something about only swimming free and not swimming for Rin.   
Well, that was Haru for you. He didn’t seem as bothered as Rin.  
But you already knew that it didn’t leave him cold. The way he flinched back then, when Kou said that Rin came to pay Iwatobi a visit for New Years, the way he acted when he found out that you held in contact with Rin.  
It was obvious that the Iwatobi boys – Haru included – adored Rin.  
The conversation seemed rather heated but it didn’t seem like any of them would do something rash.   
Or that’s what you thought.  
When Rin suddenly rushed towards Haru it shocked you quite a bit. You didn’t expect that at all.  
And then Haru grabbed Rin’s arm and you thought that they’d kill each other in any second.  
“Haru! Rin!!”, you acted on impulse when you rushed towards them, hitting the fence next to you to take them back to earth. And it worked.   
They looked at you in surprise, even Haru’s expression was different from the usual one. Maybe he was even glad to see you. As for Rin…  
He wasn’t as glad as Haru.  
“What are you doing here?!”, it wasn’t Rin’s usual way of snapping and shouting.   
He was growling at you as if you were some kind of ant which arrogance got on his nerves. As soon as you were close enough to him, he brushed Haru’s hand off and forced you to press yourself onto the fence by walking towards you.   
However, he didn’t touch you. Because he didn’t want to hurt you.  
But still. There was that breathtaking blaze within his eyes which made you hold your breath in helplessness. He glared down at you and it was, kind of, intimidating. But you didn’t want him to know that so you tried to glare back at him.  
“Rin!”, Haru remembered the bruise Rin gave you and stepped forward, a slight frown on his face. But you didn’t want them to fight any more so you simply shook your head, causing Haru to bite his lower lip in frustration.  
It felt strange. Seeing Rin glare at you like that made his heart swell with need to protect you. Haru didn’t know that he felt like that at all and he was ashamed of himself for needing Rin’s short temper to remember him of how important you were.  
“Why are you intervening?”, that was the first thing that came to Rin’s mind. He had so many things to say to you but that was the first thing he actually said. And it felt wrong.   
“Why are you here?”, that sounded more like something he wanted to ask. Because he didn’t know since when you got that close to him. Since when are you calling him by his first name? When did he start using yours? Why didn’t he even notice getting closer to you?  
Why didn’t he even notice it before he had those dreams about you?  
“Where have you been yesterday?!”, Rin’s voice grew heavy with desperate anger. Not because he was angry at you but because he was angry at himself for asking those questions. He leaned down and hit the fence with one hand, causing it to vibrate on your back and scream in protest.   
Even though his words were confusing and not honest at all you understood how he felt. Ever since he asked you to, you jogged beside him. But you also had ditched him many times and he was able to forgive that much.   
However, yesterday was unforgivable.   
He needed someone to talk to, yesterday.   
He needed someone’s shoulder to lean on, yesterday.   
And he thought you’d be the one since you’d meet him almost every evening.  
You didn’t want to tell him that you slept over at Makoto’s place and forgot to contact Rin again. But you didn’t want to lie to him either.  
“I slept over… at Tachibana’s place…”  
That’s when the atmosphere around you turned as cold as ice. You didn’t even dare to look him in the eyes because you knew that you’d see your own feelings.   
Regret, loneliness.  
You weren’t there when Rin needed you the most and that thought hit you like a train.  
When Rin’s silence held on for too long you couldn’t help but look up at him.  
His face was a drawing painted by disappointment and shock. Rin probably tried hard to hide it but his eyes gave him away.  
And you deserved it.  
Because you haven’t thought about Rin when you slept over at Makoto’s place even once.  
“Ma-…”, his voice sounded hoarse when he dared to speak again so he took his time to clear his throat.  
“Makoto’s?”, but he sounded hurt. Of course he would. You ditched him many times already, but your reasons for that were actually cute and funny to him. Because he didn’t mind to jog all the way to your house to see you, apologize and telling him that you forgot because you were a ‘dumb dork’.  
But hearing that reason from you shocked him.  
“R-Rin…”  
Was that… jealousy?  
“Stop calling me by my first name. It’s disgusting”  
Rin moved away from you, turning his back towards Haru because he knew that he was able to read his face just as well as you were.  
“See you at the tournament”, you weren’t sure whether his words were meant for the raven-haired male or for you. Or for the both of you.  
You secretly hoped that they were for Haru. Because if they were for you, it would mean that he wouldn’t meet up with you before the tournament again.  
You didn’t want that.

Your eyes looked after Rin until he was gone. And even though he was gone and you couldn’t see him anymore you looked after him.  
“[Name]”, it was only then when Haru called your name that you turned towards him and looked at him. Your eyes met his and they calmed your inner storms a little. At least, you dared to breathe again.  
Rin thought of you as disgusting. And the worst part about that was that he probably was right, wasn’t he?  
It really bothered you that he had to say those words to make you understand how precious he was to you.

You were thinking of that incident the whole time.  
On the way home.  
On your walk with Mami.  
At home.  
You didn’t know what do. Who would have guessed that it would hurt Rin that badly?  
Why did life had to remember you that the relationship you had with those boys was so fragile?  
You lay down on your bed and fished your phone out of your pocket to distract yourself.  
When you unlocked it, the screen showed that you had three massages.  
From Rin.  
Your heart skipped a beat when you read his name and you prepared yourself to get scolded like he used to. It was strange though. It hasn’t made a sound or didn’t vibrate at all.  
You expected something like ‘I keep telling you to stop ditching me, idiot’.  
 _’You free right now?’_  
But you read something different.  
Did that mean that he was able to forgive you if you’d talk with him about that? That he noticed that you didn’t push him away just because you slept over at Makoto’s place?  
You thought that you probably overheard it so you wondered when he wrote that message.  
Yesterday.  
That message was from yesterday when you had spent the night at Makoto’s place. You must have overheard it due to the twin’s tantrum. But still, you checked your messages today, why haven't you noticed that Rin had been sending you some?  
You read the second one. It was from today.  
 _Mornin’_ , and the third one had been sent a few minutes after that.

_The Samezuka Swim Club is going to go buy some new swim suits. And you need a pair of googles. Are you coming, too?_

You felt regret get the better of you and it got harder and harder to breathe.   
Your chest felt tight and you could hear your lungs scream, desperate for some air while you were desperate for a ‘Good night’ message from Rin.  
And with that you suffered your first actual asthma attack since you came to Iwatobi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have the feeling that a lot happened in this chapter xP But the main focus is Reader-chan and Nana's relationship, as well as Reader-chan's and Rin's relationship and I really like that part. Nana's feelings seem to get more complicated, as well as Rin's.  
> Well, I hope you enjoyed it even though there is a lot of information 


	21. You, drowning in doubts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Since your asthma got worse gradually in Tokyo, you returned to Iwatobi, your hometown and started living with your aunt.  
>  Sports was always something you weren't able to enjoy. And being afraid of the water, swimming was never an option.  
>  When you meet the swimming boys, you couldn't help but think of them as hot and unapproachable. However, you soon get dragged into their business and become the most important person to them.  
>  A person who'd not only see the water's surface but beneath it
> 
> (Re-upload, coming from Quotev)

_2 days._  
You had 2 days to improve your swimming. Knowing that, you felt like staying in bed the morning after the argument with Rin.  
You felt time pressure you and guilt nag on you.   
It’s not like you’d be able to swim with the guys in a relay therefore their win didn’t depend on your time as well. But you had your pride and you already promised Rin that you’d beat him. You promised your friends you’d swim for them. Not halfheartedly. You wanted to swim for them seriously, giving your all.  
But then, Rin probably didn’t want that anymore.  
You checked your phone but there weren’t any new messages. Rin hadn’t send you a ‘Good night’ or ‘Good morning’ message. Well, he hasn’t send you some often but you missed them anyway. Because you knew that everything would be alright if he would send you some.  
 _Stop calling me by my first name. It’s disgusting_ , his words echoed within your head.  
You weren’t sure why he got that mad. You didn’t know what you did wrong that’s why you wanted to ask him. However, you did know that something was bothering him. Something was dwelling inside him and you knew that it wasn’t something good.  
It was something that had ruined that Rin who couldn’t stop smiling like an idiot. It was that something that had ruined that beautiful smile on his lips. You knew that he needed help regaining that smile. That he needed your help. That you weren’t there when he needed you the most. You knew that much.  
But you couldn’t just write him a message to beg him to tell you what was going on. He ignored messages from his best friends. Why wouldn’t he ignore yours?  
“How are you feeling, honey?”, your aunt walked in and brought breakfast along, smiling gently at you. You sat up and let your phone fall onto the matrass.  
“I’m fine”, you said, gaining a scolding look from her.  
“You shouldn’t overdo it. You came to Iwatobi to get better not to get worse”, she scolded you but you knew that she was worried. She had some weird ways to show it but she really cared for you.  
You took the tablet with fried eggs and ham and placed it on your thighs. You felt her hand run through your hair, brushing the bangs away so she could mess the temperature of your forehead.  
“Aunty, I’m not sick. I got worked up yesterday, that’s all. I’m fine”, you sighed, looking at her while eating your breakfast. She tended to make mountains out of molehills, especially when it came to you.  
“Yeah, I know…”, she smiled at you but her eyes seemed melancholic and sad.  
“I can go to school and you can go to work. I’ll be fine”, you said again because you knew she needed that insurance from you.  
It was her turn to sigh this time.  
“I thought you were fine… but then you had that asthma attack…”, she seemed frustrated with your condition. She knew that your asthma got better gradually and that the sea air worked wonders but she couldn’t help but feel mad.  
“Yeah…”, when she asked you yesterday what had happened, you didn’t answer. You didn’t want to tell her that you were thinking of Rin, the same guy who bruised your arm back then.  
“Why did you have an attack?”, she asked again. It was the only thing she was really wondering about. But you didn’t want to answer that question. You didn’t want to lie to her either since she would see right through you.  
That’s why you couldn’t help but look at your ham, avoiding her eyes.  
“I… had an argument with a friend…”, she leaned forward so she could hear what you were mumbling sheepishly. She also brushed over your head to encourage you.  
“With Nana-chan?”, she asked.  
Oh, you wished it was Nana.  
“No… with one of the guys”, your aunt sighed again at that.  
“[Name], please, who had an argument with you?”  
You gulped. It wasn’t fair at all. Your aunt was worried about you and all you could do was bother her by not telling the truth, making her feel frustrated.  
“Rin…”  
Her worried expression turned into one full of anger in an instant.  
“Did he hurt you again?”  
“No!!”, why was that all she could think of when it came to Rin? Why wouldn’t she stop acting like Rin was the perfect villain?  
“Aunty, please! He apologized already!”  
“But that doesn’t mean a thing! Maybe his apology was warm words! You can’t know that! He’s no good, you should leave him be. He’ll hurt you anytime again. That’s why you absolutely shouldn’t stick around him. I won’t let you. You stay here until you feel better and won’t meet that Matsuoka-guy ever again. That boy is dangerous, [Name].”  
Your heart clenched at that and your eyes widened.   
Why would she say that? How could she betray you like that? You always thought that you could talk about anything with your aunt. That she was there for you, accepting you and your friends. But all she wanted was keep you locked in your room so nothing would hurt you. Rin hurt you once but she couldn’t forgive him. Rin hurt Haru and cloistered himself. All he did was bound to make him feel lonely and unaccepted. He never tried to reach out for Haru, Makoto or Nagisa. But he had reached out for you.  
It took you some time to notice that but Nagisa was right. You were able to get through to Rin. And you wouldn’t stop getting closer to him just because of that argument. Your aunt had to see that.  
“No! No, he’s **not**! He’s not dangerous, aunty! He’s conflicted, lonely and hurt! He lost himself and that what he used to love the most! He’s not dangerous, he needs someone, aunty! And if you can’t see that, there’s no point in trying to reason with you.”  
You shoved the tablet from your thighs and stood up.  
“[N-Name]! Wait…! Where are you going?”  
“To school”, maybe it seemed sad but your aunt was glad that you told her at least that.  
You didn’t say anything to her and rushed out of your room so you couldn’t hear her anymore.  
“Take care… please…”

You seemed calm on the outside but there was a strange vibe around you which made others back off. Even Nana didn’t dare to speak to you as casually as she used to. That’s why no word was spoken on your way to school.  
Even during class you couldn’t concentrate. You couldn’t help but want to get in the pool to improve yourself. For the sake of beating Rin, that is. It seemed like Rin was the only thing on your mind.  
Maybe you wanted to impress him so he’d talk to you again.  
So he wouldn’t think of you as disgusting.  
You couldn’t tell.  
You didn’t even notice that Haru and Makoto watched over you during class, with a worried frown on their face.

After school you changed clothes in record time and stretched yourself while the boys were still changing.   
Since Rei said that his swimsuit was responsible for the trouble he went through, you looked forward in seeing him in his new one. You actually haven’t seen them since you were shopping with Nana only.  
You had to confess: They looked really good in their new ones. However, you couldn’t tell the difference between Haru’s current one and Haru’s old one.  
They joined you, sitting on the edge of the pool. Kou took her time but joined also eventually.  
Rei stepped on the starting block and the atmosphere was filled with anticipation and expectation. It was surprising that Rei didn’t feel bothered by that at all. He seemed rather confident.  
Well, if your form was as perfect as his, you’d be, too, probably.  
But, sadly, a perfect form was all he’d got. You felt really bad for him when he fell into the pool, sinking like he’d always do.  
With that, every one of you was stumped.  
Everyone except for Haru who, actually, got in the pool as well and told Rei that he’d teach him how to swim.  
That didn’t surprise only you. Basically everyone was surprised by that, however, you felt slightly frustrated.   
When you asked him to teach you the crawl, he said no right away.  
You couldn’t help but feel slightly jealous of Rei.  
Well, Haru was teaching Rei the crawl so you listened closely and tried to learn from that.  
You already knew the movements, what was important to you was the breathing. You weren’t able to practice it yet. Rin wanted to help you… but you couldn’t overcome your fear with him. Makoto had helped you, however, you didn’t have the opportunity to practice the breathing in detail.  
But Haru explained everything to Rei in every detail. You hoped to be able to swim the crawl with that.  
Or, at least, better than Rei, who, again, wasn’t able to float. He seemed really depressed after that and wouldn’t enter the pool again. He wouldn’t even talk to you so you figured that he’d need some time for himself and you focused on practicing.  
“Hey, Haru?”, you asked the raven-haired male next to you and put the googles on Seijuurou gave to you.  
“Can you teach me the crawl? I already know the movements so I only need to practice the breathing”, you smiled at him, hoping he’d help you this time. Well, he helped Rei, why wouldn’t he treat you the same way?  
He looked at you for a brief moment before shaking his head.  
“If you want to swim, swim the backstroke like Makoto. I won’t teach you.”  
 _Wow_ , with that, he continued swimming, ignoring your plea completely.   
You already asked him once but you hoped that he had changed his mind since he helped Rei. Why wouldn’t he help you?  
“Fine”, you tried to conceal your frustration but Haru noticed your true feelings. He knew that you were mad at him for letting you down like that but he felt like his reason for doing that was justifying all that.  
So you ended up practicing the crawl like nothing else mattered anymore.

 _He’s dangerous!_  
 _You’re calling him by his first name?_  
“[Name]-chan?”  
 _I can see that you’re important to my [Name]_  
 _I thought… that you could get through to him_  
 _Stop calling me by my first name. It’s disgusting_  
“Hey, [Name]-chan!!”  
You haven’t noticed that the boys were finished doing practice and were already on their way home. You also haven’t noticed that Nagisa was calling out to you from the edge of the pool, looking at you with a worried smile. He didn’t like that you weren’t paying attention to him at all.  
You stopped swimming and walked towards the edge, panting heavily.  
You haven’t even noticed that your lungs complained about your sudden motivation for swimming.  
“Hm?”, you panted, looking up at the blonde.  
“Don’t ‘Hm?’ me!”, he whined, poking your forehead.  
“I called out to you, didn’t you hear me? We are worried about you! The others went home already, you should stop, too”  
Your cheeks were heated and the air felt cool on your skin.   
Nagisa was really worried. He wasn’t the one to get serious but this time, he frowned even and reached out to touch your cheek gently. His cool hand felt so pleasant on your hot skin, you couldn’t help but sigh.  
“Get out of the pool, [Name]-chan”, it wasn’t an order. He was pleading.  
“Okay”, you didn’t want to make him worry any longer so you got out of the pool and sat down on the edge next to him.  
“What’s wrong? I mean, I really like watching you swim and I’m glad you can do it but… you’re overdoing it.”  
It was hard to look into those pink orbs. You felt like they’d see right through you no matter whether you wanted to show him all of you or not. He’d see it anyway.  
“Hm… I haven’t noticed that I was swimming for that long… I was lost in thoughts, I guess”, you said, still lost in thoughts, wondering how this could happen. You’d never feel relaxed in the water so why did you have the courage to entrust yourself to the water and think of something else than taking care?  
“Because of Haru-chan?”, your heart skipped a beat when Nagisa mentioned Haru’s name.  
“He talked to Rei-chan before, Mako-chan told me not to bother them. It surprised us… and it surprised me that he didn’t treat you the same way like Rei-chan…”, you couldn’t help but look at the blonde male. He really was worried.  
“You noticed?”, you asked, your voice shaking with frustration. You felt so hurt because of Haru’s rejection, you couldn’t put it into words. It hurt just as badly as Rin’s and everything brought you down.  
“Of course… ever since you joined the Swim Club, I look after you. You joined because of me after all”, he smiled a smile filled with guilt.  
“No…”, you shook your head, gently bumping yourself into him.  
“ _For you_. And the other’s…”, you didn’t regret it. But you knew that they had changed your life completely. They even made you more vulnerable. Having so many friends always meant that you could lose many.   
Your eyes teared up when you remembered Rin’s and Haru’s words.  
“[Name]-chan…”, Nagisa’s pink orbs glittered with emotions and he couldn’t help but hug you gently, putting your head on his shoulder.  
“I’m glad you joined the club… Mako-chan and Haru-chan are, too. Even though Haru-chan doesn’t show it… and he is really worried about you. I’m sorry for bothering you so much… we and Rin-chan aren’t easy to handle”, he stroked your head gently.   
Did he see your tears?  
“But it’s not only because of Haru-chan, right? I want to help you… please.”  
You put your arms helplessly around him, sobbing silently, your shoulders shaking. Of course he wanted to help you but your throat hurt so bad. But that was a bad excuse only. You couldn’t talk to him about it right now.   
Sometimes the pain had to relieve a little before one can talk about it.  
“Nagisa”, you whispered, searching for his support which was granted.  
“[Name]-chan… I’ll take you home”, his words took you off guard completely. Wasn’t your home in the opposite direction of his?  
You immediately pulled away to look into his eyes, shocked.  
“You don’t have to do that!”, you exclaimed, frowning slightly.  
To him, that look suited you the best. That expression you’d wear when you were worried about someone and put others first was quite adorable and he couldn’t help but smile.  
It was strange. Nagisa seemed rather mature for once. He seemed more reliable when he looked deep into your eyes, stroking your hot cheek gently.  
“I _want_ to take you home, [Name]-chan”, he said, his voice low, almost a whisper as he leaned towards you.   
You could feel his breath on your lips and you were sure that your foreheads would meet soon if he wouldn't stop. He closed his eyes, showing that he felt way too comfortable when he was with you and you couldn't help but chuckle at that.  
When Nagisa heard you chuckle, he opened his eyes again and looked at you with a strange expression. His eyes pierced through you, leaving your soul and emotions exposed to him. But that was fine.  
Because Nagisa gave you the feeling that you could trust your whole being to him.  
"I wish I could live near you just like Haru-chan and Mako-chan...", he whispered but it seemed like there was something else on his mind. It seemed like you were distracting him way too much that he couldn't even think before talking.  
His body warmth reached you and Nagisa's hand reached out for yours, intertwining his fingers with yours. It seemed like he actually didn't want to go home yet.  
But you didn't know what he wanted to do instead. Since his breath was so close, maybe he thought of connecting your thoughts by leaning his forehead on yours.   
He couldn't be possible thinking of kissing you, right? It was Nagisa we're talking about after all.  
A cheerful smile formed on his lips when he leaned closer towards you so the tips of your noses would touch.  
"Let's go home", he said before rubbing your nose gently with his, giving you your first eskimo kiss.  
You haven't noticed that there was, in fact, still someone left whose blue orbs turned dark with unpleasant emotions when that person saw you being touched by Nagisa like that.

Nagisa watched over you until you entered your house, even though there was no way something would happen to you in your own garden. But he was worried about you, especially since your lungs started to complain again because of you overdoing it.  
Since aunty wasn’t at home yet you had the house all to yourself, which probably was for the better. However, you didn’t make use of it and headed straight to your bed. Not to sleep but to think.  
To think about Rin and Haru, wondering why they rejected you that much.  
When you joined the swim club, everything seemed fine. They seemed to really like you. However, now that they knew you for some time already it felt like they lost interest in you.   
Like you disappointed them.  
Your phone scared the hell out of you when it suddenly started buzzing next to you.  
You got a message.  
A part of you hoped that it was from Rin, asking you to jog with him. Another part hoped it was Haru, telling you that you weren’t as unwanted as you thought you were. But then, Haru didn’t use his phone.  
 _Good evening, [Name]-senpai! Nanase-senpai talked to me while you were still practicing and helped me out a lot! So I researched a lot and I think I might have found the reason why I cannot swim! If you would not mind, would you come to practice earlier tomorrow?_  
It was from Rei. Which was surprising, considering that he, also, didn’t write lots of messages.  
 _Yeah, I don’t mind_ , you replied, wondering what this was all about. You could imagine the blush on his face when he answered you.  
 _Thank you so much! And, please, be careful! Watching you swim today was great, however, do not overdo it, please!_  
Just when you were about to reply, another message came in.  
From Makoto.  
 _Hey, [Name]-chan. I hope you’re okay, I’m worried._  
And when you tried to reply to Makoto’s, you were interrupted by another buzzing.  
 _Sweet dreams, [Name]-chan, take care~_  
From Nagisa.  
 _Seriously, those guys…_ everyone was sending you worried messages.  
You wished Haru and Rin would, too.  
You took your anemone fish keychain from your schoolbag and held onto it.   
Maybe it would help you fall asleep.

When you entered the kitchen on the next morning, your aunt, who made breakfast greeted you with a sheepish smile. She was obviously bothered by guilt. Rin was dangerous in her eyes, however, if you said that she was wrong, she wanted to trust you and believe that. But she couldn’t help but watch over you with worry.  
“I’m sorry for yesterday, [Name]-chan…”, she apologized, avoiding your eyes.  
“I still don’t trust Matsuoka-kun but I’ll support you, whatever your decisions are”, she looked really nervous and bothered. She probably was thinking about that the whole time, so you couldn’t help but sigh and smile gently.  
“I know that you’re worried… but sometimes you’re overreacting”, you said, hugging her dearly.  
“I know… it’s just… when my little sister told me that you’d come to Iwatobi, I was so happy… but now I can’t help but feel worried all the time…”  
Your aunt wasn’t able to give birth to children. Well, that wasn’t quite true. She had tried to get pregnant by her former husband but she suffered a huge shock when she had a miscarriage.   
Even though she was the one who wanted children the most, her little sister, who didn’t want you at first, ended up getting pregnant. It was still bothering your aunt.  
“She doesn’t even call often and when she does she won’t talk to you…”, you knew that. Your parents weren’t the loving ones. That’s why you enjoyed your time with aunty more than the time you spend with them.  
“It’s okay, aunty… you are the best mother figure I could ask for…”, you pressed a gentle kiss on her cheek to show her that you have forgiven her already.  
She gave you a grateful smile, kissing your forehead.  
“Oh, right. You got mail again”, she winked at you as she handed you the letter.  
Those letters didn’t come regularly at all so it was easy to forget about them.  
You opened the letter and read that short question:

_Why didn’t you come to practice last night?_

Because of Rin. But that one who sent you that letter probably didn’t know that.  
You wanted to continue doing extra practice with Rin but you couldn’t possible do so.  
 _That sender is probably someone from Samezuka’s…_ , you wondered since he already sent you a letter, telling you that he saw you practicing with Rin. But you haven't seen anyone.  
Maybe it was Rin who sent those to you?  
Would he ask you why you didn’t come to practice?  
Would he be interested?

“Uhm… Ryuugazaki-kun?”, since Rei asked you to come earlier to practice you already changed into your new swimsuit. When you got out of the changing room you saw someone swim the butterfly.  
Haru only swims the crawl, Nagisa the breast- and Makoto the backstroke. No one did the butterfly. Well, Rin did but he couldn’t be the one in the pool.  
So maybe…  
“A-Ah… hello, [Lastname]-senpai…”, Rei took his googles off and smiled at you sheepishly.  
“Rei!!”, you burst out with excitement, completely forgetting about any honorifics, making the younger male blush heavily.  
“You can swim!!”, you cheered, running towards the pool. Your heart raced with joy at the sight and you couldn’t help but get immediately in the pool.  
“And you look so beautiful while swimming, too!”, you cheered, painting his face even redder.  
“Th-Thank you”, Rei was obviously proud of himself for making it.  
“The butterfly is the only stroke I have not tried yet so I gave it a try and I was able to swim”, he chuckled, slightly embarrassed by the attention you gave him.  
“That’s amazing! Why don’t we race then?”  
“H-Huh?!”  
You laughed at his surprised and scared face. However, that face soon changed when he saw you laugh like that. Rei was glad that you felt better. It was obvious to him that you felt down for some time and he wanted to make you feel better.  
“[Name]-senpai… Do you remember that time when you told me about liking what I am doing?”  
You thought for some time and wondered what he meant.   
He asked you what was wrong with his style back then, when he was still a Track Club member. Why it wasn’t enough to only calculate things. You had given him an answer, however, he wasn’t able to understand the meaning back then.   
“I know… what you meant”, he smiled the most grateful smile you’ve ever seen on his lips and you couldn’t help but return that smile.  
“Thank you for telling me that. I really enjoy swimming.”  
“Well, I didn’t do much”, you shrugged, telling him that he did most of the work.  
“That’s not true… you-…”, for some reason he avoided your eyes, looking at the water’s surface.   
Maybe he remembered all those times he wasn’t able to break through said surface.  
Maybe he was remembering your words.  
“… you really help me out a lot. You are my inspiration, [Name]-senpai…”, Rei looked slightly lost and too nervous for his own good so you decided to change the subject.  
“Hey, Rei-kun”, since he was calling you by your first name, you decided to call him by his, too.  
“Why couldn’t you swim the other strokes? Why can you swim all of a sudden?”, you asked curiously, causing him to look at you finally. He seemed like he was surprised by that, too.  
“Well… Nanase-senpai told me that he isn’t ‘free’ even though he swims freestyle… I still do not understand myself… Do you?”  
You thought about it for some time. Haru said that he was swimming ‘free’ only but he wasn’t ‘free’. He only swims the crawl, no other strokes. Because he wasn’t ‘free’. Rei wasn’t ‘free’ either. That’s why he wouldn’t swim other strokes but the butterfly.  
“I think so… sometimes you are better at some things than at others… like… if you would practice the other strokes really hard, you’d be able to get better. But you’re still the best when you swim the butterfly… is it ‘talent’, I wonder… Maybe we are born with some talents. But we are able to expand them. So, I guess that you’re more talented in swimming the butterfly but you could learn the others by practicing hard”  
 _Same goes for me. What if I’m not best at crawl?_ , no. You did great. You didn’t want to think about things that would bring you down.  
“Do you understand?”, you looked at him, tilting your head slightly and he nodded.  
“I think so…”, he fell silent for some time after that but it seemed like it was only the calm before the storm.  
“You really… understand Nanase-senpai pretty well, right? Since you understand what he meant without thinking a lot about it”  
Your eyes widened at that and your heart swelled with emotions you couldn’t decipher.   
Did you really understand him? Did you really know Haru? Could you tell what he was thinking?  
“I wonder about that…”

“Cheeese!”, you looked around on instinct, not knowing that Nagisa was taking a picture of you while showering, again.  
“Nagisa!!”, you scolded him as soon as you realized what he did. However, you were glad that he tried to loosen the tension.   
And you were glad that practice was over, you knew that you wouldn’t be able to bear with the looks Haru had shot you occasionally when no one was looking.  
“Why are you always taking pic-…”, wait.  
 _He sent some pictures to Rin, right?!_  
“Oh, you little traitor!!!”, you suddenly exclaimed, ruffling his blonde hair mercilessly, causing him to start laughing unrestrainedly.  
“Wh-What… **hahaha**!!!”  
“You know exactly ‘what’!!”, you hissed so the others wouldn’t hear that little conversation.  
“You sent some pictures of me to Rin, didn’t you?”, the others looked at the two of you with confused eyes. But they figured that it was something between Nagisa and you. Plus, you were scary when you got mad so no one wanted to get involved.  
“Oh! That!”, he took your wrists to keep you from ruffling his hair and looked at you with teary eyes due to the laughing.  
“He asked me to do it”, he whispered back, doing that innocent-puppy-look thingy.  
“He _asked_ you?”, you frowned in confusion.  
That was absolutely impossible. Why would Rin of all people ask Nagisa for some pictures of you?  
“Yeah. He asked me yesterday, too, so I made a picture of you again”  
“Yesterday?”, shouldn’t he be hating you since the day before yesterday?  
 _What…?_

You didn’t know whether this was all their intention or not but the boys made some cheap excuses up, telling you that they needed to go home quickly.  
They left you alone with Haru.  
Naigsa probably told them that you felt uneasy because of Haru and that it would be better for the two of you to talk about it. He was betraying you for the second time, that little shouta.  
You didn’t know why but you didn’t feel like talking to Haru. You were so scared that he’d reject you again.  
 _Now that I think about it…_ , he had rejected you from the beginning. He told you to not join the club, he said he wouldn’t help you. He said that it was because of your asthma but was that really true?  
The raven-haired male was walking ahead of you, keeping his distance. Catching up to him seemed like an effort which wouldn't be appreciated by him. He’d probably try to keep his distance over and over again.  
For the first time, Haru’s silence seemed threatening and uncomfortable. Like something would break in a second if that silence would continue to linger. But it seemed like he wouldn’t welcome it if you would try to keep that thing from breaking. Like there was nothing left for you to do but to watch while it fades.  
The sea sounded so much louder and threatening all of a sudden.  
“[Name]”, your heart skipped a beat when he suddenly called out to you and you couldn’t help but look up at him with joyful eyes. It was only then when you noticed that you had stopped walking.  
Haru’s expression seemed unchanged and unconcerned as always, however, it seemed like there was something lingering beneath that surface.  
And you knew what it was.  
He wanted to know why you stopped talking. But not only that. He also wanted to know why you stopped walking towards him, smiling at him and talking to him like you used to.  
But you didn’t want to talk about it. Because you didn’t know the reason yourself. Was it because of the argument with Rin? Maybe you bottled your feelings up and Haru ended up being the one getting blamed by you.  
“Haru… why won’t you teach me how to swim the crawl?”, you muttered, because you actually didn’t want him to hear that question. You didn’t want an answer because you didn’t know whether you could handle it.  
His blue orbs looked at you for some time and you knew that he was conflicted. Haru couldn’t answer that question right away which probably meant that he wasn’t sure whether he was able to justify his actions.  
No. He couldn’t. Not the way he wanted to. He wanted to tell you that he had a better reason than the one he had. But he didn’t.  
And he felt bad because of it.  
“Let’s go. You look tired.”  
With that he turned his back towards you and started walking.  
He didn’t let the gap between the two of you get smaller.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is quite depressing, I think=(  
> Reader-chan starts to feel insecure and rejected without being able to tell why and I hope that I can get those feelings across 


	22. You, lost at sea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Since your asthma got worse gradually in Tokyo, you returned to Iwatobi, your hometown and started living with your aunt.  
> Sports was always something you weren't able to enjoy. And being afraid of the water, swimming was never an option.  
> When you meet the swimming boys, you couldn't help but think of them as hot and unapproachable. However, you soon get dragged into their business and become the most important person to them.  
> A person who'd not only see the water's surface but beneath it
> 
> (Re-upload, coming from Quotev)

_48 days until the prefectural tournament!_  
You gulped at the words you read.  
Kou sat in front of you, wearing traditional, Japanese clothes and wrote something down with a brush and ink. It seemed really formal and you couldn’t help but feel slightly pressured by that.  
“Pressure is what pushes people to the next level”, you whined a little at her words and figured that she was a ruthless person.  
“Pressure can also ruin some people”, is what Haru said and something told you that he was **not** talking about Rei, like Nagisa asked. You didn’t know how, though. Maybe you knew him better than you thought.  
And he was right. Some people were crushed by pressure. What kind of person were you? Would you get crushed, too? Or could you handle it? Maybe you felt pressured by Rin and Haru? Maybe you felt all tensed up because of pressure lately?  
“Stop talking and get in the pool!!!”, since Kou could be really scary, probably scarier than you, all the boys – and you, of course – ran out of the room towards the pool.

“Oh! Wait, [Name]-chan! I need you to try something on!!”, Nagisa cheered, showing you a yellow shirt and a blue-white jacket.  
“What is it?”, you asked, looking at the outfit curiously. He was really proud when he unfolded the clothes and showed it to you.  
“Our uniform! Put it on, put it on!”, he shoved the jacket towards you, forcing you to accept it. You figured that resisting was pointless, so you put it on, wearing your new swimsuit underneath it.  
You had to confess: it looked really nice.  
The other boys simply watched you, letting Nagisa dress you up like a cute little doll.  
“Don’t close the zipper!”  
“So? Does it suit me?”, you asked, turning towards every boy.  
Your swimsuit was perfect for that jacket and it looked way too sexy. Even though-… no, because the jacket was slightly too big for you, you looked way too cute and the guys couldn’t help but blush, avoiding to look at you.  
Haru was glad that he was the silent one, he didn’t have to say anything at all. Plus, he didn’t think that you wanted to know his opinion anyways since he felt the atmosphere tense whenever you looked at him.  
But he couldn’t deny that he was strangely fascinated by the way you looked. He wished he could draw you, smiling while wearing that. He wished you’d call his name while asking him what his opinion was.  
Makoto was more honest than Haru. His face brightened up but also blushed heavily.  
“It suits you”, he said, avoiding your eyes by looking at the floor. He didn’t know why he got so flustered. You already slept over at his place, holding his hand but he couldn’t help but blush. Makoto just wished he could wear his jacket so you’d wear ‘matching clothes’ or something like couples would do.  
Rei was probably the most honest one. He blushed, also, and readjusted his glasses to hide it and told you that you were, in fact, really beautiful.  
As for Nagisa… he took a picture of you again.

“A-anyway…”, Makoto cleared his throat a little to get the boy’s attention even though he wasn’t able to draw his attention from you himself.  
“Before we start with practice, let’s review the events we’ll be entering at prefecturals”, since you had no idea what that meant for you, you stayed silent and listened to the others. You haven’t swam competitively after all. How would you know about tournaments?  
“I’ll be swimming the 100 meter and 200 meter backstroke”, that sounded rough. 200 meter? Well, 100 meter should be fine if it was you, right?  
You couldn’t help but panic a little.  
Nagisa also was going to swim the 100 meter and 200 meter breaststroke.  
Haru, of course, would be swimming freestyle.  
And Rei only could swim the butterfly.  
When they turned their attention to you, you looked at them, slightly helpless. You knew the basics of the backstroke, however, you wanted to race Rin. Even if you couldn’t do it directly, you wanted to, at least, participate with the same stroke he was. And since he wanted to race Haru, it would be crawl.  
“Freestyle”, was what you said eventually, after thinking some time.  
Haru’s displeased looks he gave you were so common, you didn’t even notice them anymore. However, this time you expected one, looking directly at him. Your eyes met and it felt like he hasn’t looked at you in forever.  
You wished it would have stayed that way.  
Sure, you wanted him to look at you, to acknowledge you again but not like that.  
If he’d only give you displeased looks you didn’t want him to look at you at all.  
“That leaves the relays… but I guess we can think of that later.”  
Haru didn’t seem to be pleased by the word ‘relay’ at all.  
You, too, felt slightly lonely.  
You wouldn’t be able to swim a relay with the guys.

 _The sea…_ , you knew that you weren’t the only one worried about it.  
When Kou had found that old training regimen in the changing room Makoto agreed, said that it was a good idea. However, you didn’t have to be called Sherlock to know that he was lying completely.  
You got used to a pool, however, could you handle the sea?  
You actually haven’t tried it. Well, it looked like you wouldn’t have to think about it since that trip would be impossible.  
Or, so you thought.  
Makoto had actually came up with a great idea. He had some camping utensils and Coach Sasabe would take you with his boat to the island.  
“[Name]-chan… your ice is melting”, if it wasn’t for the brunette male next to you, you wouldn’t have noticed that the ice was dripping down on your hand. You felt bad for it since Makoto had bought it for you because you ‘seemed to need it’.  
The sun was already setting when the three of you, Haru, Makoto and you, had taken Kou, Naigsa and Rei to the train station and waited for their train to leave. Seeing the sunset, you couldn’t help but think of Rin for the blink of an eye. You would start jogging with him at that time.  
“Ah…!”, you licked the ice from your hand in a hurry while walking home with the boys.  
While you were busy with your ice, the brunette male started talking next to you, saying that he was glad that everything turned out alright and that you could actually go on a trip together.  
“Ah, but Rei and [Name]-chan are beginners, so we need to watch out for them”, he gave you a gentle smile so you wouldn’t feel guilty about what he said and you returned his smile.  
If it wasn’t for Makoto talking and walking next to you you’d think of Haru and his behavior the other day.  
Said male suddenly stopped walking and you almost bumped into him.  
“[Name], go home”, while Haru said that, he looked firmly at Makoto and you couldn’t help but feel dumbfounded.  
“What…”, you asked confused, finishing your popsicle. Knowing that you heard his words quite well, he looked at you with an aloof expression. He kept rejecting you.  
You started walking, thinking that it was for the best, also, you felt slightly intimidated by him. It was humiliating. However, when you were about to pass Makoto by, he took your hand gently and returned Haru’s firm look.  
For the first time you understood their conversation.  
Makoto wanted you to stay and didn’t want Haru to shove you away any further. Haru figured that it was Makoto’s decision whether you should know about that or not, so he started talking.  
“Are you okay with this? The ocean?”  
Makoto’s hand, which held yours, tense up and you knew that Makoto’s fear was taking the better of him. He wasn’t ‘okay with this’ at all. Because you, too, didn’t know whether you were okay with this. Makoto felt the same way. You knew all that yet you didn’t say anything. Because you knew that Makoto didn’t want to ruin the trip. He didn’t want to be a burden to anyone else.  
“I’ll be fine”  
_Liar._  
Haru only had to look at the brunette male next to you to see through his lies.  
And he only had to glance at you to see that you also weren’t fine.

“Do you have your asthma inhaler with you?”  
“Yes. I got the spare one with me, too”  
“What about your swimsuit?”  
“Wha-… of course…!”  
“Some snacks?!”  
“Yeah”  
“Medicin?!”  
“Aunty…”  
“The money for the lodge”  
“Yeah…”  
“And your floating tire?”  
“Yes! Aunty, please, stop calling me!!!”  
“As I thought, I-I won’t let you go, wait for me I come pick you up right aw-…!”  
You hung up on her, even though you knew that she was going to be more than pissed because of it. Oh well. She had called five times in a row asking the same questions over and over again. She even told you to come back when you were already on Coach Sasabe’s boat.  
_She’s taking ‘overprotective’ to a whole new level…_  
“Your mom is really worried about you, hm?”, Nagisa looked at you, an interested smile on his lips and you nodded, carrying your luggage form the boat.  
“She even told Rei-chan to look after you! I guess Rei-chan looks the most reasonable”, the blonde one laughed and pointed at Rei who was, in fact, useless. He got seasick and went to the bathroom right away.  
“But she should have asked me to take care of you”, he suddenly whined, throwing his arms around your neck and rubbed his cheeks on yours.  
You remembered the eskimo kiss he gave you the other day and chuckled.  
“Well, if you take care of Rei-kun, he can-…”, you stopped talking when you saw Rei coming back from the bathroom. He didn’t waste any time to tell you the important news.  
“I-I think… the Samezuka Swim Club is here, too”  
_Rin is here, too?!_  
Everyone, except for you, looked at Kou. She probably told Rin about the trip, or that’s what the guys have thought.  
“It wasn’t me!”  
With that, the boys looked at you.  
They still thought that you were the one who had the best relationship with Rin. You couldn’t handle their looks.  
Noticing your helpless behavior, Miss Amakata, who actually came with you, started to talk.  
“Okay then. Let’s check in at the lodge. [Name]-chan, you come with us, right?”  
That was a safe right there. Even though you weren’t responsible for Rin being here with his swim team, you felt so guilty you couldn’t deny that you didn’t tell him anything about the trip.  
“A-Ah, yeah!”, you went towards the girls, dragging your luggage along in a haste, ready to escape those boys’ looks.  
“Lodge? What do you mean…”  
“We booked lodges!”  
The guys felt totally betrayed.  
“You guys didn’t know about that?”, you asked them, slightly confused and looked at Kou who only smiled at you.  
“Wha-… [Name]-chan isn’t going to sleep with us? That’s so mean, [Name]-chan, I wanted to sleep with you in a tent!!”  
“[Name]-senpai… even you…?”

The training started right away but you had time to change, of course, and blow air into your floating tire. Rei wouldn’t shut up about it since your aunt asked him to tell you that you should absolutely use it. Ah well. The training was for stamina anyway.  
_Stamina, huh…_ , you already had troubles blowing air into that damn tire. How should you swim 1 kilometer each island and run the distance from one coast to another?  
_I’m going to die, aren’t I?_  
“[Name]-senpai, please, do not just blow air into the floating tire, use it”, you sighed at Rei’s concerned words and slipped into the tire.  
It was pink. Not only pink.  
But _pink_ **pink**. The kind of pink a chewing gum would be.  
Well, it suited you and looked really cute, that’s what the boys thought, at least. You just hoped it wouldn’t get in the way. But it was convenient indeed. You could build up some muscles and stamina and rest whenever you felt like it.  
Your aunty was overprotective but also a genius.  
_There’s only one problem left…_  
You looked at the distant island and wondered how you’d be able to get there.  
_Not by standing around… that's for sure_  
So you walked towards the sea, felt it wet your feet as it crept to your calves, thighs and hip eventually.  
_I’m fine, I’m fine, I’m fine_ , you felt your heart race and you took a deep breath.  
“[Name]-senpai?”, Rei and Nagisa were waiting for you and you were glad they did. They could distract you with some stories and talk.  
“Are you okay, [Name]-chan? You know, I could push you”, Nagisa's grin was mischievous and something told you that he didn’t think of training only.  
“Nah, I’m fine. Just… stay close”, you said sheepishly and turned to Rei. You didn’t want to keep Nagisa from swimming. You knew you’d be slow as hell that’s why it would be best for Rei and you to watch out for each other.  
“I am not going to leave you alone… I promise”  
The smile you gave him was the most beautiful he’d ever seen. Well, every single smile of you was beautiful, however, he felt as if it was only meant for him. It felt amazing and he couldn’t help but blush a little.  
When you felt safe, you turned towards the beach and looked at Haru and Makoto. They still haven’t started to swim.  
“Hey, guys!!”, you shouted and waved, eager to swim with them.  
Seeing you enjoy yourself like that encouraged Makoto and he was glad that you turned back towards them. He knew that you were also afraid of the water and even had asthma, yet you seemed so much bolder than him. Soon after he waved back at you, he got in the water.  
_Everything is just fine…_

“Oh boy… I’m dead beat…”, Kou had asked you to come along with her to the store nearby but your feet were shaking already. You were glad that she had left you some time to get changed and leave the floating tire with Nagisa, who really was fascinated by the pink color.  
You felt the muscle hangover approach and wanted to collapse on your bed right away.  
The training regimen was breathtakingly hard… Rei and you fell back many times, you were glad to have one another to encourage you. Haru would come back every now and then for you guys, he even helped you.  
Well, the sea wasn’t the pool after all. He probably was worried to death about you.  
And it felt good. You felt like he actually treasured you more than you had thought.  
“That training really seems rough”, Kou looked at you and you wished you’d look better. Your skin glittered in the sunlight because of the sweat you had shed and your hair was still slightly wet from the seawater. One could fry eggs on your cheeks.  
“Well, it is…”, you took a deep breath in an attempt to calm your heart and lungs. You had to stop more than once because of your damn lungs.  
“But we’ll -…”  
“Ah, excuse me!!”, Kou had suddenly bumped into someone and all your spirit came back as if you were born anew.  
“Nitori-kun!!”, your face lit up with joy when you looked at him and he, also, couldn’t conceal his feelings.  
“[Name]-senpai!! You’re here, too?”  
“Yes! We-…!”  
“ _Gou_?!”  
_Oh no…_  
You stopped breathing when Rin showed up behind Aiichirou, it felt like all the energy Nitori gave you earlier drained.  
Rin was the last person you wanted to meet. You knew that he was on that island, too, but you haven't thought about what you'd do if you'd meet him.  
That's why you decided to run away.  
“L-Let’s go, Nitori-kun”, you grabbed the poor guy by his wrist and dragged him along with you, much to his surprise.  
“[N-Name]-senpai! W-Where are we-…?”  
“Anywhere is fine”, you said, feeling Rin’s glare pierce right through you. That was stupid but you couldn’t help it. You absolutely didn’t want to meet Rin.  
_No…_ , that wasn’t quite the truth. You wanted to meet him. But not like this.  
Not until it would feel alright to meet him.

When you finally stopped and sat down on a bench, you sighed and leaned back. It felt like you could relax for the first time since that morning.  
“[N-Name]-senpai… please, don’t get me wrong... I enjoy spending time with you… but…”, the bench creaked under his weight as he sat down next to you, looking at you with a worried frown on his face.  
“Something happened with Matsuoka-senpai… right?”, that boy was sharp. He seemed like an innocent little guy who couldn’t get things right. But he wasn’t like that at all.  
You felt like you had to nod and look at him. Your cheeks were still flushed from the hard training and it… you looked so cute he couldn’t help but smile a little dreamy at you.  
“Yeah… how do you know?”  
“Because Matsuoka-senpai is acting strange for some time now…”, he said, also leaning back but never letting you out of his sight.  
His words surprised you slightly.  
“And now I think that he acts like that because of you”, he raised his hand carefully and brought it near your face to brush a strand of hair from your cheek.  
His hands were hot, probably because of the heat. Or could it be that he was nervous?  
“Because of me?”  
You looked at him and titled your head slightly. Maybe Nitori was overthinking things. Maybe he misunderstood a lot of stuff.  
“Yes. He usually goes jogging to sort his thoughts and feelings… but ever since you stopped jogging with him, he returns more distressed than ever. I just wished he would accept it… He’s torturing himself…”  
Your heart swelled with longing when you remembered jogging with Rin and that he didn’t let his own friends close to him even though they’d do him good.  
Thinking of Rin made you feel tired and you sighed as you closed your eyes. You couldn't understand him at all.  
“I want to talk to him…”, you could feel his hot palm on your tensed shoulder as he tried to keep you from sleeping in such a place.  
“You look really tired, [Name]-senpai… come on, I take you back”  
You rubbed your sleepy eyes and shook your head.  
“I can’t, the others are wai-…”  
“[Name]-senpai”, Nitori suddenly grabbed your hand just like you did earlier and dragged you up to your feet.  
“Please, rest!”, his blue eyes glimmered with courage and determination and you knew that he was a born leader even though he didn’t seem like it at first glance.  
It wouldn’t be much of a surprise if he ended up being the Swim Club’s Coach one day.  
“Ai-kun…”, you whined when he took your hand to lead you back to the lodges.  
“Yes, [Name]-senpai?”  
“Your hands are too hot… and they are sweaty…”, you sounded sleepy as hell which made you seem so cute he couldn’t help himself but squeeze your hand some more.  
“I-I’m sorry! May-Maybe I’m a little nervous”, he wondered if you could hear his heart beat as clearly as he could. He knew that he was taking advantage of you, taking your hand when you were completely defenseless like that but he also knew that you weren’t that defenseless.  
“Nervous? Why…?”, you rubbed your eyes again, looking at him with those tired eyes, making his heart clench because of the cuteness.  
“B-B-Because it feels like a shark is going to kill me for doing that…”  
“What?”  
“N-Nothing, please, get some rest!”, he was already gone when you wanted to ask him what the hell he was talking about.  
Nitori apparently was the only one who noticed those mad, red orbs watching you.

You laid down on the bed with a heavy sigh.  
It felt so comfortable, welcoming and soft that you couldn’t help but snuggle yourself into the sheets, breath in the smell of detergent and sigh some more. It felt so much better than the rough sea but you couldn’t deny that it was fun to swim with the boys. You were glad that you were able to share this trip with them and that Haru actually started to pay attention to you again. It was only a little and he was doing what was necessary but you felt glad nevertheless. Maybe he’d tell you why he felt upset about you some time.  
Maybe it was because of the things Rin said?  
Did he blame you for that?  
_Rin…_ , you’ve met him and he didn’t have any opportunity to glare at you. It only was when you had dragged Nitori with you that he noticed your presence. Maybe that was a huge mistake. You didn’t want to make him feel like you were the one who didn’t want to talk to him.  
Again, you sighed but it wasn’t a blissful sigh this time.  
_I can’t sleep…_ , even though you felt dead tired and your eyes wanted to fall shut right away you couldn’t fall asleep. Your mind was restless and awake while your body was aching and complaining, eager to get some sleep.  
That training regimen would be the death of you and you understood why your aunt was going crazy with worry.  
Kou and Miss Amakata were sound asleep next to you and their steady breathing seemed to want to convince you that sleep was, in fact, a beautiful thing.  
But you couldn’t.  
You felt uneasy and strangely nervous. Maybe it was because of the new environment. Or because of the wind which made the windows creak and rattle.  
There was a storm on its way.  
It didn’t seem like that during the day at all.  
_It’s no good…_ , you sighed again and got up, deciding to do something, maybe getting a drink from the vending machine, anything was fine.  
When you walked down the dark halls of the lodge you felt your legs hurt with every move you made. They were shaking but you were still able to walk.  
Maybe you really overdid it. You weren’t used to that kind of thing after all. Since you were an asthmatic sports was always something you should treat with caution. And that training regimen wasn't treating you with caution at all.  
You walked into the lobby, towards the vending machine. There was no one there and you felt slightly nervous, just like that time when Mami had rushed into the old Iwatobi Swim Club building.  
The darkness, lit up by the moon, seemed eerie enough and when the strong wind had brought some clouds, heavy with water, with it you flinched at the first growling thunder.  
Rain was pushed towards the windows and you heard a relentless rattling.  
Lighting, followed by a growling thunder again.  
You felt your chest tighten all of a sudden as if your body wanted you to do something. Something other than getting a drink from the vending machine.  
_No… they are alright… their tents are resistant and safe. Everything is fine_ , you wanted to believe that so you repeated it over and over and there was, in fact, nothing that could proof you wrong. Nothing but your feeling of uneasiness.  
_They are fine…_ , even though you thought that, you rushed outside into the rain.

The huge raindrops hit you relentlessly and hard, they actually hurt. Your white shirt and blue shorts weren’t enough to shelter you from the rain. Well, pajamas usually weren’t.  
Compared to the day, you felt awfully cold, every single raindrop was freezing cold when the air around you felt horribly hot.  
Running outside felt like countless needles were piercing through you all at once but you didn’t care.  
You wanted to see whether the guys were alright. If they were, you could return to the lodge anytime. But if they weren’t, you’d never forgive yourself for thinking that it was ‘only your imagination’.  
_Okay…_ , you were panting heavily when you reached the place where their tents were and you were soaked to the bones but that didn’t keep you from unzipping their tents a little. Maybe it would have seemed perverted and absolutely wrong to a stranger, but you felt way too uneasy to think of that.  
_Okay… Nagisa and Haru…_  
The next tent would be Rei’s and Makoto’s.  
_Makoto and... Where's Rei?!_  
But the only one you could see was Makoto, breathing steadily, sound asleep.  
_Where’s Rei?_ , you asked yourself again, closing the zipper of the tent and looked around.  
_There’s no way I can find him, that rain is just too heavy!!_ , your thoughts screamed at you, telling you to give up but your legs wouldn’t move. They hurt but they had carried you all the way to the beach. And Rei was missing, there was no way you’d turn back.  
Even though your lungs should have recovered from the running by now you panted heavily and you knew that it wasn’t because of the running.  
You were close to hyperventilation.  
“ _REEEEEI_!!!!!!!!!!!!”, but that didn’t keep you from calling his name from the top of your lungs. You didn’t hear a thing so you breathed in deeply again, trying to scream louder this time.  
“ **REEEEEEEEEEEIIII**!!!!!!!!!!!!”  
And that’s when you saw him.  
Rei was in the sea, his arms jerking, his mouth gasping for air just like yours had when you were little.  
“ **Rei**!”, you wanted to run towards him. You wanted to dive into the turbulent sea and save him.  
But you knew you couldn’t.  
That’s why you opened a tent, any tent was fine.  
It was Nagisa’s and Haru’s.  
“Nagisa. Nagisa!!!”, you breathed, shaking him so he’d wake up but he only groaned.  
“Come on, _Nagisa_!”, you tried again, feeling panic get the better of you. You had no time for this!!  
“Haru! Haru, _please_ , wake up!”  
The boys also were beat due to the training. Therefore their sleep would be much deeper than usual so you tried to shake them harder.  
But neither of them moved an inch.  
_Rei doesn’t have much time left, you idiots!!_ , you cursed in your thoughts when your eyes fell on your pink floating ring. Nagisa was using it as some kind of pillow.  
With that - you didn’t know what got into you - you grabbed the tire and snatched it away from the blonde male, hoping he’d wake up from this.  
But if he didn’t, it was fine, too.  
Because you slipped the tire on and rushed towards the raging water, your legs and lungs were complaining, your mind was asking you what kind of stupid idiot you were.

“Rei!! **Rei**! I’m coming!”, the distance between the beach and Rei was way bigger than you had thought at first. Thank god your blood was full with adrenaline, you would have cried your eyes out otherwise.  
On the sea, the storm was deafening. The rain and water altogether were earsplitting and you had problems hearing Rei.  
The rain was hitting your face, your clothes were drenched and you were slow. Way too slow, the waves were pushing you into any directions but not towards Rei. Fighting the water was hard on your legs but you managed to inch towards Rei.  
You had lost count on how often you thought that Rei was long gone. The night, lightning, rain and waves were playing games with your mind and you felt your eyes tear up whenever you lost sight of the younger male.  
You had no idea how.  
Adrenaline, your ‘strong legs’, the fact that the only one you saw was Rei, call it what you will.  
But you got closer to him.  
“[Name]-chan!”, you almost burst out into tears when you heard Makoto’s voice calling out to you. You thought that it was your imagination at first, since the sea and the rain were pretty loud but it wasn't your imagination.  
Makoto really was there.  
“I-I’m fine, please, get Rei!”, he was way faster than you and you figured that you should have relied on the guys more.  
Makoto reached Rei when you were still distant.  
But he stopped.  
He didn’t reach out for Rei and you soon paddled past him, trying to not get dragged away by the waves.  
The floating tire was boon and bane at the same time.  
You reached out for Rei when you thought that you were close enough.  
“Rei, it’s okay, I’ve got you”, you held on to Rei’s hand with strength and you even managed to drag him towards you so he could cling onto the floating tire and rest. You heard the younger one cough as his lungs tried to get rid of all the water he had to choke down. He seemed so fragile and helpless now that it made your heart clench. You thought that there were tears, streaming down his cheeks but you weren’t quite sure.  
All the distance you forced yourself to swim felt so unreal now and your body was overwhelmed. Your legs hurt and you wanted to rely on Makoto.  
However, the only thing you saw was a scared child, its green orbs filled with deadly terror, its breathing shallow and rushed.  
“Makoto, please, you need to help me!”, only seconds passed by when you saw Nagisa and Haru swim towards you but it seemed like hours.  
Everything seemed to go by so fast yet so painfully slow.  
You barely noticed the huge wave which threatened to push Rei and you away from the others.  
“Ma-… **MAKOTO**!!!”  
The unbearable weight of the wave hit you, swept you away as the water crawled into your nose, your mouth and ears.  
It filled your lungs, numbed your limbs, made you feel powerless.  
And it felt so unbearable cold.  
You couldn’t breathe, you couldn’t move, you couldn’t stay awake.

 

 

You were lost at sea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wheeew, that was intense. I hope that I was able to get those feelings across!  
> It was important to me to write it slightly boring, describing things and the meeting with Ai! I wanted Rin to get jealous so Ai is important! But he's also cute so I guess his part isn't there to make Rin jealous only. x3  
> The beginning should seem calm and usual, the end, on the other hand, should be kinda rushed and dramatic, I really hope that I was able to get those feelings across xPP  
> Oh, but I like this chapter =3 I'm not sure why but I really like the fact that Reader-chan tried to wake the other boys before doing something reckless because it's obvious that Rei and herself would both die if it was only her trying to save him (urgh that sounds awful, really, I'm sorry)  
> The 'lost at sea' part actually is part of a song, called 'lost at sea' by Snow Ghost. I knew that I'd listen to this song while writing this chapter because it gets the mood going, I think.  
> It's like a pun since Reader-chan and Rei really are 'lost at sea', literally. The real meaning is something different.  
> Wellp!  
> Another chapter!  
> I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did! Thank you all so much for reading my story and commenting, it really encourages me to keep on writing <3 yes, I'm a monster which feeds on comments =P  
> Since my the status of this story on AO3 is the same as on Quotev now it's going to take a while for me to upload another chapter (I actually have to write the next one unlike the others which were copied and changed a bit)  
> Please, stay save and take care of yourself!  
> See you in the next chapter <3


	23. He, keeping a secret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Since your asthma got worse gradually in Tokyo, you returned to Iwatobi, your hometown and started living with your aunt.  
> Sports was always something you weren't able to enjoy. And being afraid of the water, swimming was never an option.  
> When you meet the swimming boys, you couldn't help but think of them as hot and unapproachable. However, you soon get dragged into their business and become the most important person to them.  
> A person who'd not only see the water's surface but beneath it
> 
> (Re-upload, coming from Quotev)

_You look like you belong into the water_  
_Why don’t we just swap then? You give me your anemone fish and you get my dolphin?_  
_Haru-nii…_  
_I don’t want to go_  
_Who are you?_  
_She can’t remember_  
_**Why can’t you just piss off?! I don’t need that kind of attitude!!** _  
_I don’t want to go_  
_I don’t think you should stay there for too long…_  
_I don’t want to go_  
No, please, do not leave me… I need you, senpai, please…  
_I don’t want to go_  
_**I don’t want to go!!!!** _  
_**MAKOTO!!!!** _

„[N-Name]-senpai!!!!“  
Your throat hurt and felt sore and your eyes felt swollen as if you had been crying for weeks when you rolled instinctively on your side and coughed heavily.  
You could feel the water escape your mouth and nose when your lungs tried to get rid of it all.  
Your body trembled but felt so heavy at the same time.  
“Re-… i…”, just when you thought you were able to talk again you ended up coughing anew.  
“I-It is okay, I-… I am here”, you didn’t see him, everything was so dark but you could feel his hand on your back, stroking you in a soothing manner.  
You coughed so badly it felt like you’d throw up in a second so you covered your mouth with your hand as you felt tears sting within your eyes.  
When Rei’s horrified face came back to your mind you couldn’t stop yourself from trembling.

But you didn’t cry.

You couldn’t.

You wanted to cry so badly to get rid of all those bad feelings but you couldn’t. It was probably due to the adrenaline which lingered inside your blood.  
“Rei…”, you managed a whine after you had stopped coughing and searched for him desperately.  
“I am here, [Name]-senpai…”, his voice sounded so close but so far away.  
You were glad that he pulled you in for a gentle hug and hold you tightly.  
But he didn’t hold you tight because of you only.  
He held you because he was scared himself.  
You could feel him tremble and you couldn’t help but cling onto him and lay your head on his shoulder.  
“Oh god, [Name]-senpai… I am so glad… so glad…”, he whispered over and over again, stroking your head to keep you close to him.  
“Rei…”, you panted.  
“You’re okay… oh thank god…”, your voice cracked and you had to cough again.  
“Did you… did you see the others?”, he shook his head after parting from you reluctantly so he could look at you.  
Your face was so pale he thought his heart would stop.  
“We should look for them…”, he said as he brushed your wet hair aside so it wouldn’t bother you.  
“Yeah… hey, Rei…”, there was something you had to tell him.  
“I’m really sorry… you must have been scared to death… how did we make it?”, you wondered yourself, not quite asking Rei.  
“I am okay now… thanks to you and that floating tire”, he nodded towards the pink tire and you saw it lie right next to you.  
_If it wasn’t for that tire…_ , however, it seemed like even that tire barely saved you from that wave. It must have been an unbearable tremendous wave that got you.  
You coughed again a little before nodding.  
“Okay… let’s search for the others”  
You didn’t want to think about the possibility that they might have drowned.  
“Right”, Rei seemed fine since he could stand up and smile even a little at you.  
You tried to stand up, too, however, you couldn’t.

Your legs wouldn’t move. 

No matter how much strength you put into your legs, they wouldn’t move an inch. You couldn’t even move your toes, they didn’t even twitch.  
“Wa-What the-…”, you rubbed your calves with your hands, thinking you’d get them to move again that way. 

But it was no good. 

“W-What is wrong…?”, Rei asked, a worried frown on his face as he crouched again next to you.  
You felt your heart race in fear.  
“I… I can’t move my legs…”, Rei’s breath hitched when he heard you say that and he looked at your limp legs.  
“R-Rei… I-I can’t…”, panic got the better of you. Well, who could blame you? Not being able to move your legs was quite traumatic after all.  
“It is alright, please, calm down, [Name]-senpai. You are exhausted. You overstrained your legs, you need to rest”, but he knew that you wanted to search for the other boys so badly that you’d probably manage to move your legs just by thinking about them.  
“So… uhm… we cannot search for the others like that… so…”, he blushed heavily even though he was the one to make that offer.  
Well, that skin that showed through your wet pajama top was highly distracting and he tried hard not to look.  
“… I can carry you… if you do not mind…”, you looked at him, slightly shocked and wondered yourself how you could let yourself become a burden.  
You bit down on your lower lip, avoiding to look at him because you knew he’d see the tears in your eyes.  
“Okay…”, it took him some time to actually get closer and touch you. He seemed really flustered but he knew that it wasn’t the time for that.  
You took your pink floating tire and let yourself get carried by Rei bridal-style. It was embarrassing at first but you figured that it didn’t matter in that kind of situation.  
“Are you okay, Rei? If you can’t carry me, I-…”  
“No.”, you’ve never heard him talk that strictly before. Not towards you.  
However, the look he gave you was so gentle, you felt like crying.  
“It is okay to accept help. So, please, accept mine“, his face was a flaming red and he seemed so embarrassed but he managed to stay so reliable.  
You could feel and hear his heartbeat, it was racing and you knew that it wasn’t because he was scared.  
“Rei… you’re really amazing…”, you could feel him flinch at your words.  
“Even though something horrible like that happened… you try your best to stay calm.”  
“Please, do not say that…”, he dodged your compliments swiftly and, when you looked up at him, you could see that he was bothered by something.  
His eyes stared forward but he was frowning as if he was in constant pain.  
Pain caused by guilt.  
„If I had not-…“, his muscles tensed and you knew that he wanted to stop talking.  
But at the same time he wanted you to know what was going on inside his mind so badly that he couldn’t help himself.  
“But I felt helpless… I wanted to catch up to them so badly… I did not want to keep them from moving forward. I felt like a burden… I wanted to progress so badly…”, his lips trembled and you could only imagine the storm raging inside him.  
“Rei… I know. I feel the same. I really do”, his face was pretty close so you could see every single twitch of his muscles.  
“And yet you did not do the same thing I did…”, he didn’t stop blaming himself and you knew you’d feel the same. Because he really did something reckless.  
“Listen, Rei… don’t compare yourself to me. Don’t compare yourself to anyone… You did something reckless, not because you wanted it to turn out like this”, you could feel his hand on your thighs tense.  
“But I put you in danger… you and the others… When I saw you lying there I thought my heart would stop. I thought-…”, Rei was somewhere your words couldn’t reach.  
So you straightened yourself a little and pressed your lips on his cheek gently.  
It was wet.  
He was crying silently.  
You put your arms around his neck so you could stroke the back of his head gently.  
As soon as he felt your embrace he couldn’t keep himself from hugging you tightly and buried his face in the crook of your neck.  
“I am so, so sorry, [Name]-senpai…”  
“It’s okay now, Rei… we’re fine. And our friends are fine, too…”  
You wanted to believe your own words so badly. 

Rei was losing his strength.  
He started to walk slower and his arms trembled, he stopped breathing every now and then due to the soreness of his muscles.  
“Rei. It’s okay now, I can walk myself”, you didn’t know whether you were telling the truth but you didn’t want him to overdo it.  
“No. We have to find them…”, you looked up at him and even though his body seemed so frail and week, his mind told him to move.  
Last time you experienced a similar thing you ended up being afraid of the water for ages.  
How was Rei feeling?  
You absolutely didn’t want him to feel afraid now that you were able to overcome your fear.  
But then… did you overcome it?  
Wouldn’t your fear come back now?  
“Hey… Rei…? Are you afraid of the water now?”, he flinched slightly at your question but looked down to you soon after.  
“No…”, it seemed like the way you looked at him gave him strength because he was holding you closer again.  
“Because I know that you will be there whenever I am close to drowning”, something told you that he meant it metaphorically which made your heart skip a beat.  
“It has always been like that. Ever since I joined the club you were there, telling me that everything was alright. And I really admire you, [Name]-senpai”, he sounded so embarrassed and shy it made you feel at ease. Like nothing had changed even though something horrible happened.  
“I’m really glad you’re with us, Rei…”, it was only then when you noticed how tired you were.  
You wanted to lean on his chest and sleep, however, when you saw a silhouette of a person, lying on the sand, your heart started to race.  
“Rei! Look!”, he started to walk faster and you soon could see that it was Nagisa.  
Rei put you next to Nagisa on the ground so you could be close to him.  
“ **Nagisa**!"  
_He feels so cold…_  
“His heart is still beating”, while you were busy patting Nagisa, Rei had focused on the important things.  
“We should administer first ai-…”  
Before Rei could say any more, Nagisa started to cough badly, just like you had minutes ago.  
It felt like a stone has been lifted from your shoulders when you heard him breathe your name.  
“I’m here, you’re fine now!”, you got a hold of his hand and Rei almost started to cry again when Nagisa opened his eyes.  
“[N-… Name]-chan… R… ei-chan…”, you couldn’t help but pull Nagisa close to you to hug him tightly and you felt a heavy lump in your throat. It hurt and felt sore and you wanted to cry so badly.  
You didn’t know what had kept you from crying, though.  
Your aunt once told you that adrenaline keeps you from relaxing yourself. That it pushes you on until your task had been completed.  
Maybe you thought that your task wasn’t completed yet.  
“Nagisa… thank god…”, you panted, burying your face in the crook of his neck.  
“A-Ah! [Name]-senpai, please be careful he needs to rest!”, however, Nagisa simply laughed it off and stroke your back.  
“It’s fine… I’m glad you missed me so much, [Name]-chan…”  
Your heart hurt at how frail he sounded and you wanted to give him warmth so badly.  
“N-Nagisa-kun… I am so sorry for-…”  
“We can talk about it later, Rei-chan…”, you could hear them talk while you hugged Nagisa even tighter because he didn’t seem to be mad at Rei at all. Nagisa knew why Rei had been so reckless.  
He was such an understanding man, more than anyone. That’s probably why he was the one to keep those guys together.  
“I feel the same. I don’t want to get left behind by Haru-chan and Mako-chan, too…”, he said with a low voice as if he didn’t want you to hear him.  
But you did.  
“Me too…”, and you couldn’t help but hug him tighter. 

“Uhm… Nagisa?”, you parted from him reluctantly when you felt like asking him a question.  
“Why did you come after us? You got yourself in danger…”, when he saw the worried frown on your face he turned serious again.  
“Well…”, Nagisa put one hand carefully on your cheek as if he saw the invisible tears you have been crying because of those guys.  
“Haru-chan told me to get help…”, he got closer until your faces was only inches away and Rei would have probably screamed in embarrassment if he wasn’t so interested in those words Nagisa had to say.  
“But I couldn’t just let myself be treated like the baby and let Haru-chan and Mako-chan be the only men, right?”, with that he touched the tip of your nose with his gently and rubbed it.  
You couldn’t help but chuckle softly at that.  
It was amazing that they haven’t changed at all even though something like that had happened.  
They could have blamed each other.  
Screamed at each other.  
But they didn’t.  
That’s how close they are.  
No.  
That’s how close _you_ are. 

“Oh! There they are!!”, Nagisa wanted to run towards Haru and Makoto who sat beneath a shelter but he was supporting you with Rei so he couldn’t.  
Your legs felt so heavy it hurt. There were no words for the pain you felt and you almost thought that they were fractured or even worse.  
It felt like someone wanted to tear your legs from your body, it stung and burnt like hell and sometimes you couldn't breathe. But everyone probably was in pain so you didn't want to bother them with yours. “Rei! Nagisa! [Name]-chan!!”, you could hear Makoto’s relief miles away.  
“Guys!”  
As soon as they saw you, Makoto apologized to Rei.  
“And… [Name]-chan… sorry for putting you in so much danger I-…”  
“No. He’s at fault. And [Name] is, too”, your heart clenched when you heard Haru’s voice. Instead of being relieved he seemed mad.  
You didn’t know whether it was out of worry for Rei and you or out of worry for Makoto.  
Maybe he didn’t care about anyone besides Makoto after all.  
“She should have come to us instead of doing stupid things on her own.”  
You remembered the numbing panic you felt when you tried to wake the boys and you couldn’t help but feel betrayed.  
“I _did_!! I tried! But you guys didn’t wake up!”  
“That’s no excuse.”  
“Oh, so you think I couldn’t wait to act all high and mighty and drown myself merrily?!”  
Haru’s words hurt.  
He was your inspiration.  
The reason why you started to swim.  
You looked up at him and loved him so much when you were a kid.  
How could he say such things?  
_Wait... what..?_ , did you just remember something?  
“[Name]-chan, are you okay?”, you were glad that the brunette male was with you.  
Finally they noticed that Rei and Nagisa had to support you.  
“Yeah… just… my legs hurt that’s all…”, and Nagisa and Rei seemed tired, too, so they didn’t have the strength to support you.  
You wished you could just slide around in your floating tire.  
“Let’s look for shelter, then. I carry you so the others can rest a little”  
However, when Makoto saw that your top was slightly translucent due to the wetness he knew that it would be a hard task.  
Especially since he saw that your breasts reacted to the coldness. 

“Are you okay?”, Haru suddenly asked when you finally found a rest house and somehow you knew that he wasn’t only talking to the embarrassed mess Makoto had become.  
“Yeah, I’m fine…”, the brunette male smiled gently, looking down at you as if he wanted to say ‘As long as I have this precious kitten in my arms, everything’s fine’.  
You couldn’t help but smile back and snuggle into him a little.  
When you didn’t answer to Haru’s question, he looked at you.  
He didn’t want to show it but he wanted to apologize for blaming you earlier.  
“I’m okay, too. You guys are with me after all”, you thought to see a slight blush on Haru’s face who suddenly gave your floating tire on your lap a gently push so it would cover your chest.  
He absolutely didn’t want this part of you to be seen by anyone. 

“ **OH**!!”  
“W-What?!”  
“A flashlight!!”  
Nagisa scared the hell out of Makoto, Rei and even you. A little.  
“Even though you said you’re okay… but you’re really scared, Tachibana-kun, aren’t you?”, you could feel him flinch slightly at your words and it was obvious that he was startled by you.  
“I-I can’t help it. It’s so dark…”  
“Don’t worry. If anyone tries to steal you away from us I _smack_ them with my floating tire”  
Makoto couldn’t help but laugh at the way you said that and held you even closer to his chest.  
He was so glad that you were with him to loosen the tension he was feeling.  
“Thank you… I’m so glad you’re with us…”, his green orbs turned slightly dark and you could tell that he was bothered by something even though the flashlight Haru had only provided dim light.  
It was so dark but due to his honest body language you knew what he was thinking.  
He had been so scared for you when he saw you and your floating tire get carried away from him by that enormous wave.  
“Yeah, me, too. I’m glad I’m able to share this experience with you guys.”  
“You… don’t regret it?”  
“Of course not… why would I? I enjoy every moment with you”, he hated himself for wanting you to tell him that you enjoyed the time you spent with him in particular. He wasn’t sure what exactly you meant in the end.  
But he wanted you to mean it the way he understood it so badly.  
“[N-N… Name]…”, you looked up to him to see that he was looking at you the whole time.  
He looked at your wet thighs, at your pajama pants which clung onto your skin, at your top and the pink floating tire.  
He looked at your cheeks, your eyes and your wet hair.  
He looked at your lips, still wet from the rain.

Oh god, he wanted those lips so badly.

He wanted to ravish them but at the same time he wanted to kiss you so gently that your knees would feel weak.  
The way he looked at you was mesmerizing.  
Those green orbs seemed so loving, as if he wanted to hold you dear and treasure you in any way possible.  
You could see his Adam’s apple move when he gulped, he wetted his chapped lips and you could feel his heart beat against his chest as he brought his face slowly closer to yours.  
But why would he think that?  
Why, all of a sudden?  
He was able to keep himself from thinking that kind of thing for so long. Why couldn’t he stop himself this time?  
Was it because you remembered him every time how brave and amazing you were?  
Because he felt like it would be the last time he could do this since the others usually were around all the time, unlike now?  
He even held some distance between himself and the others so he would fall back with you.  
Why would he do that?  
Why would he do such a horrible thing?

You could feel his hot breath against your lips.

He was so close.

“Tachib-…”  
“Makoto”  
When you heard Haru’s voice you looked towards the other guys.  
Haru had stopped walking while Rei and Nagisa were merrily talking and going ahead.  
“Are you okay?”, this time Haru really was talking to Makoto.  
You could hear Makoto gulp again and it seemed like he breathed out in relief.  
“Y-Yeah…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wheew, I finished this chapter sooner than expected but I couldn't stop writing! Oo  
> I really had fun writing this chapter, I don't know why tho.  
> It's such an important chapter if you ask me because it focuses more on Rei's, Nagisa's and Makoto's(a little?) feelings. I wanted it to be slightly dramatic and depressing because I think that this episode didn't seem as dramatic as it would be, if you ask me.  
> That's why there is so much drama in there.   
> It also focuses on Reader-chan(of course =3) because she doesn't want to become a burden after all. She tries to keep those guys together and be there for them even though she's scared and all.  
> I really like this chapter, I hope you liked it, too =)  
> It's a little short but I wanted this strange cliffhanger so badly , sorry =/  
> And Oh MAI gawd <3  
> Thank you for telling me that I'm doing a great job(even tho I don't think so because this is really random xP)  
> I'm really grateful for you, reading my stuff and encouraging me like that!  
> To think that someone would check my story out and hope for new chapters really feels amazing!  
> That's why the next chapter will be there soon(Hopefully)  
> It'll be another rest house chapter, I want them to get as close as possible in there if you know what I mean ;)  
> Thanks for reading this chapter, please, go ahead and leave your thoughts!  
> see you in the next chapter <3  
> Your comments are amazing, really.


	24. She, catching up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Since your asthma got worse gradually in Tokyo, you returned to Iwatobi, your hometown and started living with your aunt.  
> Sports was always something you weren't able to enjoy. And being afraid of the water, swimming was never an option.  
> When you meet the swimming boys, you couldn't help but think of them as hot and unapproachable. However, you soon get dragged into their business and become the most important person to them.  
> A person who'd not only see the water's surface but beneath it
> 
> (Re-upload, coming from Quotev)

„Are you okay, [Name]?“, since Haru said that Makoto looked tired he was the one to carry you. It was slightly embarrassing, being handed around like that but there was no helping it.  
Your legs still felt tired and numb and the muscle hangover was breath taking. But it was fine.  
It could have been worse.  
“Yeah…”, if you were honest, you didn’t want Haru to carry you. Because you knew he didn’t want you to be there with them, he didn’t want you to do the crawl and you didn’t even know anymore whether he wanted you to support them.  
Maybe he hated you for putting Makoto in danger like that.  
You didn’t want to think about it.  
“The flashlight is trembling”, since Haru had his hands full, you were holding the flashlight for the others who searched the kitchen you’ve found. You haven’t noticed that your hands were trembling.  
“Sorry…”, you couldn’t help it. You felt cold and rejected.  
“I-… I’m just tired, I guess…”  
“Come on, Rei-chan! Search the suspicious refrigerator for us!!”, when you heard Nagisa cheer you looked towards the boys whose backs were turned towards you.  
“Why me?”  
“Because ‘Rei’ and ‘refrigerator’ is basically the same!”, you couldn’t believe that that was his reason. Well, that’s Nagisa for you.  
“It might contain food! But also a corpse, who knows!!”, Nagisa winked at you and it was obvious that he wanted to scare you.  
_There’s no way a corpse would be in there… right?_  
“Don’t say that…”, Haru said, keeping you closer to his chest in an attempt to protect you from scary words.  
“Oh! [Name]-chan could help Rei-chan open it!”  
“ **What?!** ”, even though you knew that it couldn’t be that scary, you felt uneasy.  
In most of those horror games you had played something was inside a closet.  
You absolutely didn’t want that kid from ‘The Grudge’ to come and get you.  
_Good job, me. Now I feel scared shitless_ , your muscles tensed and you snuggled yourself into Haru instinctively. However, you didn’t want them to notice how you felt.  
Because it actually wasn’t something scary.  
But imagination tends to make human beings feel scared.  
“Let’s decide it with ‘rock-paper-scissors’!”  
Since anyone was brave enough to participate you went with the flow, of course. You couldn’t let yourself fall behind.  
So you clenched your hand to a fist and let the others see it clearly.  
You noticed that Rei and Makoto tensed up a little because they were scared, too and you were glad that you weren’t the only one.  
“Rock”  
“Paper”  
“Scissors!”, when you saw everyone but Rei pick paper you were so relieved, you thought you’d melt right away.  
Rei really tried to act brave but gave up trying soon after putting his hands on the refrigerators handle. You provided him some light with that flashlight of yours but it was hard to keep on looking.  
You just wished he’d get it over with but he obviously didn’t want to open that thing at all costs.  
And then, he opened it.  
Nothing was inside.  
Nothing at all.  
“Oh, thank god…”, Rei and you breathed out simultaneously.  
“Aww… nothing, huh…?”, Nagisa, however, seemed disappointed. Well, even if there had been something inside, it would have been uneatable by now since the electricity wasn’t running. 

You didn’t know how but you ended up finding aprons, water, lantern and even something to eat.  
Mackerel.  
_Yaaaay_ , well, it was something.  
You even found a place to rest and especially you were happy about it since no one had to carry you around anymore. However, Haru seemed reluctant when he had to let you down on the chair.  
He wouldn’t let go of you unless you told him that it was fine to let you down.  
“Alrighty, wear those!”, Nagisa showed you some orange aprons, which were, to be honest, ugly as hell.  
“Well, we already are dry so it’s fine”, Makoto said, avoiding to wear those aprons swiftly.  
“But… I think [Name]-chan should wear one…”  
You looked at the brunette male with questioning eyes and wondered why you of all people should wear one.  
“Y-You’re feeling cold, right? It would warm you up a little…”

“Alright! Next one is… [Name]-chan!!”  
After putting that apron on and being forced by Haru’s blue orbs to eat the pineapple with mackerel, Nagisa suggested to play a game. Since no one of you could sleep anyway, you agreed.  
Nagisa somehow had made a dice and wrote your names on it’s sides.  
First it was Rei who had to tell an embarrassing story and you wondered whether Nana had been blackmailing him because of the underwear he forgot when he was little. They were the same age and even classmates so you guessed that she knew about that.  
Then it was Haru who was asked about his a romantic encounter and, after looking at you for some time before avoiding you again, he told some story about some waterfall he had seen ages ago.  
It was only a matter of time until you were forced to tell a story.  
“Alright, [Name]-chan! Tell us about your first kiss! _Any_ first kiss”, the blonde male cheered enthusiastically and you couldn’t help but flinch slightly at that.  
Why would he ask that?  
Why you of all people?  
“Uhm…”, you stuttered at first, thinking about something. Making something up was no good, you knew that but it would have been easier than telling the truth.  
_**Any** first kiss, he said…_  
You haven’t noticed that everyone was too curious to breathe. Since you were thinking for such a long time they knew that you were thinking about _something_. Which meant that there had to be a first kiss or something alike.  
Just when you were about to say that there was no such thing like ‘first kiss’ you remembered a picture and a scene from your childhood.  
“Ah!”, they flinched when you suddenly seemed to remember something.  
“There was one… I don’t know exactly why… but when I was in Iwatobi’s elementary school, there were two boys who’d play with me on the playground every now and then… one day I sat on the swing and was feeling down. And both of them kissed my cheeks. Is that what you mean by ‘any first kiss’?”, someone had taken a picture but you can’t remember who.  
Well, Nagisa was too flustered to answer your question but he really had said ‘any’ kiss so it should be fine.  
You looked at the boys who seemed rather shocked. Who would have guessed that such a thing had happened? Well, they didn’t ask themselves how someone could kiss someone like you. To them, it didn’t seem surprising that you have been kissed before at all.  
They just didn’t want to believe it.  
“Woah!”, Nagisa exclaimed eventually.  
“When you were still living in Iwatobi?”, Rei asked, slightly shy about something.  
“Tell us who those guys were!”  
“What? No!”, it was way too embarrassing to tell them about that story. Why would they care, anyway?  
“Please~! I want to know who stole your first cheek-kiss!”  
Nagisa wouldn’t stop clinging onto you so you sighed and told them eventually.  
“One was called Sou-cha-…”, you gulped when you noticed that you were about to call him by the nickname you had given him ages ago.  
He wasn’t ‘Sou-chan’ anymore.  
Ever since that argument he stopped being ‘Sou-chan’.  
“Yamazaki Sousuke… and the other was… Shigino Kisumi”  
You could hear Makoto’s and Haru’s breath hitch when you told them about those boys.  
You really liked them when you were a kid. They were like brothers to you.  
But relationships tend to change.  
“A-Ah… really?”, Makoto broke the awkward silence because he knew that Haru and he himself would think too much about it. They’d think about the situation and how you would have been kissed and how they’d regretted not taking the chance by themselves.  
It was too late for such thoughts and they knew it.  
“Are you still in contact with them?”, the blonde male asked, his pink orbs sparkling with curiosity and your body tensed up at that question.  
“W-Well…”  
“She already answered your question, Nagisa-kun”, you were glad that Rei was with you and supported you. You absolutely didn’t want to think about that time.  
When you looked at Nagisa, Makoto and Haru, you noiced that they weren’t able to look at you. 

“Uhm… Makoto-senpai… It is bothering me… when you tried to save me, you seemed different from usual”  
Nagisa had tried to make all of you laugh again since he felt like it was his duty, however, Rei couldn’t help but talk about what was bothering him.  
As soon as he said that, you remembered Makoto’s face.  
It was close enough for you to see that he was scared to death and his green orbs seemed like they looked at something which was miles away.  
He wasn’t able to move and you couldn’t reach him with words.  
That was when that enormous wave got all of you.  
_He was scared…_ , Rei didn’t know that Makoto was scared of the water, just like you. You weren’t sure whether Nagisa, too, didn’t know about it.  
“ _Just drop it_ ”, you couldn’t help but flinch when you heard Haru speak up all of a sudden in a way he never had.  
It was scary.  
Not because you thought that Haru would become a ruffian. But because it felt like he didn’t want Rei to talk about the thing that was bothering him.  
It felt like he was protecting Makoto, even though Rei had the need to talk about it to feel better.  
To get relief.  
It felt like Haru was shoving all those guilty and sad feelings down Rei’s throat and it didn’t feel right.  
Maybe you felt that way because you felt jealous.  
You wanted Haru to protect you the same way he protected Makoto.  
But you weren’t Makoto, so it probably was impossible for him to do so.  
It was scary because you felt like he didn’t care about anyone but Makoto.  
_What the hell is wrong with me… why do I keep thinking that?_  
Makoto began to tell all of you about the reason he felt scared of the water anyway and you were really glad about it. Because it seemed like he could move on by doing so.  
He told you about an old fisherman who used to play with Makoto a lot, when he was young.  
“But then there was a big typhoon, his boat sank… and he drowned, three kilometers away from the harbor.  
We swim three kilometers every day.”  
You didn’t know why but you got goosebumps, all of a sudden.  
Makoto probably was scared of the water because it took everything he loved away from him.  
That old fisherman.  
Those goldfishes he wanted so much.  
“But… why did you want to go on that trip…? Even though you are afraid of the water?”, you were glad that Nagisa asked the question you were thinking about.  
But you thought that you knew the answer already.  
Because it was Makoto we’re talking about after all…  
“Because… I wanted to swim with you guys…  
When we… the five of us swim together, I feel like we can go anywhere”  
At first you were thrilled.  
You also wanted to swim with them.  
But you could never swim a relay with them.  
You’d fall behind eventually, that’s what you thought. You’d never be able to experience the feeling they have when they swim together.  
“Ah! The rain stopped”, Nagisa took you back to earth and his smile was so bright that it almost made you forget every lonely thought from earlier.  
You were surprised at how quick they were to jump on their feet, unlike you, who was still struggling with moving her legs.  
“Let’s go outside!”, with that, Nagisa rushed outside and took Rei with him.  
You’d fall behind eventually.  
“Hey, Nagisa, wait”, you could hear Haru scold the blonde male a little but he didn’t seem mad.  
“Come on, hold onto me”, you dared to breathe again when Haru and Makoto offered you a hand so you could try walking on your own while being supported by them.  
“Sorry… for scaring you like that earlier…”, Haru was mumbling but you were able to hear it clearly since he was right next to you.  
Of course, Makoto wasn’t the only one he cared for.  
_How could I ever think that way?_

When you got outside, Nagisa was pointing at the sky.  
You felt goosebumps all over your body when you saw all those stars glitter and shine brightly at you.  
It was a sight you’d only see in Iwatobi. Just like all those smiles of your friends they had on their lips while looking at the sky with you.  
Even Haru was fascinated by the night sky and he couldn’t help but hold you tighter.  
Nagisa, Rei and Makoto, too, simply stared at the sparkling stars.  
When you looked down on your weak legs you saw another, better sight.  
A sight you’ll probably never see again.  
Due to the rain, a lot of water had been accumulated on the roof and the night sky was reflected. It looked like you stood right in a sea of stars. Your breath hitched at the sight and you couldn’t help but gasp.  
“G-Guys…! Look!”, they followed your excited look and immediately felt the same you did. Everyone fell silent but it felt like you were connected somehow. Like you were communicating by the use of silence.  
Like every single star represented your feelings towards those boys and your wishes.  
Your wish was to swim with them.  
All of them.  
You wanted to swim with Rin, too and you wished he was here. You wanted him to see that sea of stars so badly, you felt like crying.  
“Guys…”, when they heard your trembling voice, they looked at you again. However, you didn’t dare to return that look because you knew they’d see tears within your eyes.  
You really wanted to swim with those guys.  
But the words wouldn’t come out.

The sun rose and everything calmed down. It seemed almost unreal that a horrible storm had blustered during the night.  
However, the scars were visible, especially when you saw the sea again. It was calm, however, you remembered Rei’s horrified face and you couldn’t help but freeze.  
The weather was warm and sunny but you felt like the storm was still raging inside you.  
“I’m going to swim over and call Kou-chan and Amakata-sensei”, when you heard Makoto’s calm and gentle voice, you looked at him.  
He wanted to swim over? Even though something horrible had happened?  
“I-I’ll go!”, you slipped your floating tire on and rushed towards the sea before Makoto or anyone else could say something.  
Your legs still felt slightly weak and they hurt like hell but it got better. At least you were able to move them again.  
“A-Ah! Wait, [Name]-chan!!”  
You felt the warm sand on your soles and the water wet your feet but you’ll be fine.  
Because everyone was watching over you.  
So you took a deep breath and trusted the water for once. You couldn’t get yourself get scared again. Everything you did up until now would have been in vain.  
You yelped a little in surprise when you felt an eager push from behind you.  
“Nagisa!”, he was swimming behind you and pushed you forward and it didn’t take long for the others to join.  
“Haru, Tachibana-kun, Rei!”  
“We can’t just let you gain all the laurels, right?”, you couldn’t help but laugh at Nagisa’s words. You knew that they didn’t want to leave you alone and mothered you even a little.  
But it was alright, since you mothered them, too.  
“W-Wait, Nagisa-kun, you’re too fast!”  
“If we go on like this, [Name]-chan is going to feel sick!”, Makoto and Rei scolded the blonde male slightly.  
Everything was alright.  
You were able to move on, even though horrible things happened and will happen. Because those boys didn’t let go of you, even Haru was there with you.  
You looked towards your goal, which was the other island at that moment.  
Someone was looking at you and your friends and it didn’t take long for you to notice that it was Rin.  
The boys probably were too distracted but you saw him clearly. However, he avoided your eyes as soon as he noticed that you were looking at him. He was running away from you again.  
_Rin… we are going to reach you_

The second day was pretty much like the one before.  
More painful, that is.  
Even though the boys and you collapsed due to exhaustion and slept some time on the beach, there was plenty of time for the last day of practice.  
Your legs complained so you took it easier and practiced according to your own pace. Your asthma didn't seem to cause any problems but you had to take more breaks than usual.

  


“Hey, [Name]-senpai, did something happen with my brother?”, the sun was already setting, practice was over and Kou asked you that while you were packing your stuff for your trip towards home.  
“Hm?”, you stopped packing and looked over at her. She really seemed upset and you felt guilty, all of a sudden.  
“U-Uh… I… yeah… we… had a fight, kinda…”, you said, avoiding her eyes.  
“I know…”, you couldn’t help but wide your eyes at that.  
“I heard you, Haruka-senpai and my brother… back then, when we were buying swimsuits”  
So she knew about that all along?  
“Kou-chan… you could have asked about it…”, you sighed a little, like an older sister who couldn’t help but feel frustrated at the younger sister’s fake braveness.  
“Sorry… I bet it was bothering you…”, you said, frowning to show her that you felt guilty about what had happened.  
“But, seriously, tell me if something is bothering you…”, she was silent the whole time and you started to worry about her. It was her who didn’t dare to look at you this time which caused you to think of a way to cheer her up.  
When you looked outside the window and saw the sunset, you leaped up to your feet and grabbed her wrist.  
“W-What?!”  
“Let’s go outside!”

“Wow… it’s so beautiful”  
“Isn’t it?”  
Kou was walking next to you on the beach and looked at the sky which was a dark orange and red. It was different to the night sky you saw last night but still beautiful.  
You’d return soon but you didn’t care. You wanted Kou to trust you, just like you trusted the boys. She was an important club member and friend after all.  
“Uhm… [Name]-senpai… sorry… for bothering you… I’m sure my brother is a burden to you…”, you were glad that she started to talk on her own, you wouldn't have known how to get her to talk.  
You figured that it was probably for the best to not force her into anything.  
“Don’t sweat it. He’s a douchebag but I am, too. Everyone can be a burden sometimes but that is fine. Because, sometimes, we can’t help but be a burden… sometimes we can’t help but depend on others”, even if it was egoistic or a burden to someone, that’s what being human means.  
“Yeah…”, you were glad to see that soft smile on her lips again. Her cheeks even flushed a little and she seemed so innocent, no one would suspect her to be a muscle-maniac.  
“Thank you, [Name]-senpai… I’m glad you’re with us… I wouldn’t be able to handle all of that on my own”, her red orbs looked at you again and you couldn’t keep yourself from smiling, too.  
“Ah!! Gou-kun!! [Name]-kun!!”, but you were interrupted by a familiar voice.  
It was Seijuurou and Ai who walked towards you from behind you.  
This time it was Kou’s turn to grab your hand, all of a sudden, and urge you to run away from them. She probably knew how persistent Seijuurou was and didn’t want to talk to him at that moment.  
“H-Hey, Kou-chan, that’s rude!”, but you couldn’t help but laugh under your breath.  
“Just run”

“Oh my god!”, you started laughing as soon as the Samezuka boys were out of sight.  
“I can’t believe we did that!”, you felt guilty because of your rudeness, however, you didn’t care. It was probably because Kou was panting and laughing next to you.  
“Yeah… sorry, for dragging you in like that”, she didn’t feel sorry at all and you knew that.  
“Liar”, you laughed, poking her gently which caused her to laugh again.  
“Ah, look!”, she suddenly pointed at something on the beach to avoid your scolding eyes.  
She was pointing at an univalve shell.  
“I always wanted to find one of those!”, she cheered, sitting down on the sand as she took the shell.  
“Because you can ‘hear the sea’ when you put your ear on it?”, you chuckled at her romantic way of thinking. Kou glared daggers at you for teasing her and seemed to pout slightly.  
“Sorry. I wanted one, too, actually. Let me try”, she gave you the shell and you put it on your ear.  
You were able to hear swish, however, you knew it wasn’t water. It was your own blood, rushing through your body. But it was still romantic, thinking that this special shell would allow you to hear the sea.  
“Let me, too!”, Kou cheered, taking your hand and put the shell on her ear.  
She listened for some time before closing her eyes.  
“Thank you, [Name]-senpai?”  
“For?”, you blinked a few times due to confusion, however, she’d only smile at you and hold onto your hand.  
“Let’s go back.”

 

 _”Someone! Help-…!!!”  
“Rei! Rei, hang in there, Rei!”, you didn’t know how you ended up here. You didn’t even know _why_ you’d end up here all of a sudden. The only thing you did know was, that you had to reach Rei.  
If you wouldn’t reach him in time…  
But it was no good. You knew how it would end. You knew what all of this was.  
You ended up losing sight of Rei, the dark, wild ocean takes him and he wasn’t able to reach the surface again.  
He drowned and you’d end up all alone, calling Rei’s name over and over again.  
Somehow, you knew that.  
It was a bad dream._  
But you woke up, bathed in your own sweat, gasping for air just like Rei had, a few days ago.  
You rubbed your cold face with your hands and let yourself calm down a little before looking at the clock.  
_5:20_  
You sighed, clenching your eyes shut to keep them from stinging and burning due to the tears which haven’t been cried yet.  
Nana and your aunt were worried to death when you came back from the trip, even though you told them that you were fine. You didn’t tell them about what had happened because you knew they’d tell you to lock yourself in your room and get a homeroom teacher.  
You told them you were fine and you wanted to believe your lies yourself.  
But now that you were alone and the adrenaline was gone you couldn’t help but let your weakness take over. You tried to stay strong the whole time, when you saw Nagisa lie on the cold sand, when you heard Haru’s furious voice, when you had to swim again.  
However, two days after that incident and five days before the Prefectural Tournament you were at your limit.  
“[N-Name]-senpai?”, Rei sounded so sleepy when you called him around 5:25 am and you couldn’t help but feel bad. But you felt like you wouldn’t be able to forgive yourself if you didn’t call him.  
“A-Ah… sorry, Rei”, you chuckled a little while rubbing your eyes but your voice was husky as you felt the lump within your throat start to hurt so badly.  
“For… calling you so early in the morning… I... just wanted to make sure that-…”, you weren’t able to finish that sentence, you were busy with fighting your tears back.  
“[Name]-senpai? What’s wrong?”, his sleepiness was completely gone and he started to feel worried.  
But all you could do was hang up on him and burry your face in your warm pillow to muffle your silent sobs. 

“Uhm… [Name]-senpai… can I talk to you for a second?”, everyone has improved thanks to the swim practice you had. The effort really paid off and the results were amazing.  
Haru, Rei and Nagisa had improved but it was obvious that all of you had to practice nevertheless.  
You had heard Kou cheer everyone’s times.  
Everyone’s but yours.  
You took your googles off to look at Kou, who was crouching on the edge of the pool, properly.  
“I want to show you something…”, she said, obvious not able to look at you. She had no words so she decided to show you what she wanted to tell you.  
It was your times.  
Your times before you were practicing on that islands of hell and the times after.  
They were the same.  
The same, unsatisfying numbers.  
“I-I’m… sorry…”  
You haven’t improved at all. 

Days passed by too fast, you weren’t able to improve your time and didn’t even notice that Kou had taken some pictures during that trip a few days ago.  
When she noticed that you didn’t react to anything she said, she started to worry. She even apologized for not being able to show you any of your opponents because Samezuka was a boys school and you wouldn’t know who’d race you.  
Maybe there weren’t even enough female swimmers to race you.  
Rei was worried, too, he tried to talk to you about your phone call from yesterday but you wouldn’t say a thing and brushed him off.  
You started to act strange and everyone noticed that. 

“Oh! I got an idea!!”, Kou suddenly cheered after swim practice and startled all of you.  
“Let’s pray at the shrine, okay?”, you didn’t know why she was smiling at you in particular that’s why you couldn’t help but look at her dumbfounded.  
“Great!”, Nagisa cheered, tugging at your sleeve as always.  
However, you didn’t mind.  
Maybe it would help you feel at ease, praying with everyone. 

You offered the god a coin, clang the shrine-bell and clapped twice before closing your eyes.  
So many things were going through your head.  
The forgotten memories about Haru.  
The accident Rei had.  
The fight you had with Sousuke.  
The fight you had with Rin.  
Everything but the wishes you wanted the god to help you reach.  
However, maybe those thoughts you had were some kind of wishes?  
Maybe you wanted to remember Haru.  
Maybe you wanted to save Rei and the relationship with Rin and Sousuke.  
“Rei-chan, you want to swim a relay?!”, when you heard Nagisa cheer, your heart clenched and you couldn’t help but look up from your feet.  
“Yes…”  
Somehow your chest felt tight but empty at the same time and you didn’t know what kind of feeling you had. Was it uneasiness?  
_I want to swim a relay, too…_  
“[Name]-chan”, while Nagisa, Makoto, Nagisa and you were sitting on the stairs which lead to the shrine, Kou and Haru got themselves strips of papers to see what kind of fortune they’d have.  
After some time of wondering what Haru’s ‘half-blessing’ meant, Makoto called your name with a low voice, hoping no one would hear him.  
“Get one, too”  
“Me?”, you asked, slightly surprised at his sudden words. Was that necessary? You already prayed so-…  
“Yeah, you, too”  
“Okay, okay”, you stood up from the stairs, dusted your skirt and got yourself a strip of paper. 

“Woah, amazing, [Name]-chan!!!! You got great-blessing!!!”  
“Read it, [Name]-chan!”, Makoto and Nagisa urged you and you couldn’t help but laugh softly.  
“Okay then…:  
‘Don’t worry so much, relationships are frail but they are also very strong and won’t break so easily.  
Those who said they don’t want to see you ever again, miss you the most right now.  
Keep on moving forward because a special someone is waiting for you to reach them.  
Don’t keep things bottled up or you end up being the one who breaks relationships.  
You’ve come a long way, you can go as far as you want but remember to take a break.  
Things that have been lost are going to return soon.  
You are going to be important to those who are important to you’  
P.S.: Seriously, you young people should stop believing in such things. Don’t wait for your fortune to become real, make it real…”, the last part was handwritten and it seemed like a priest was slightly mad about the fact, that many people take fortunes too seriously.  
But even if that last part was written by a mad, drunk priest.  
You were grateful for that and couldn’t help but look at Makoto.  
He probably knew that you’d feel better after reading your fortune.  
“I’m happy for you… [Name]-chan…”

“I’m glad we got us some fortunes! I feel much better now”, Nagisa cheered as you walked down the stairs, however, you were too busy with thinking about the fortune.  
It was too accurate to be a fortune, but then, those things probably were supposed to be like that.  
You didn’t even notice that you were falling behind and that Haru already had said goodbye to the others.  
“See you tomorrow”, was what he said, slightly louder than before, when he noticed that you were too lost in your thoughts.  
“A-Ah, yeah, see you tomorrow, Haru-nii”  
You were glad that the others weren’t close enough to hear you or see you blush like that. It was way too embarrassing, you said it on reflex, not meaning to.  
However, Haru couldn’t help but react and rose his eyebrows a little as he felt his heart clench in desperation.  
“[Name], you-…”  
_**Bzzbzz, bzzbzz**_  
“T-That’s my phone, sorry! See you tomorrow!!!”, you didn’t know exactly why you behaved like that just because of that word.  
_’Haru-nii’… I used to call him like that, right?_  
While you were running away from Haru, metaphorically speaking, you checked your phone. You got a mail.  
From Rin.  
_Hey.  
You free now? Can you come over? I need to talk to you  
_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hahaha... aaaah~ I'm a bitch, I'm so sorry  
> I don't know why it took me sooo long to finish this chapter. I guess I had some problems finishing it but I did a good job... maybe?  
> When I wrote the part with 'The Grudge' I was actually alone at home and scared myself by googling the correct title. When I saw the pictures I got scared shitless and hoped my family would come home soon =PPP  
> I felt like I had to write the part with Kou. I kinda feel like she needs more love and I'm going to write some more about her <3   
> Btw, the second 'He,...' was replaced by a 'She,...'! =3  
> About the fortune thing... I actually had to google it and found out that great-blessing is the best you can get <3 So, of course, Reader-chan got great-blessing because I think she deserved it after all that shit that had happened =P  
> Sooo~ I hope you enjoyed this chapter (it is longer than the one before, of course=P)  
> Please, go ahead and leave your thoughts and take care of yourself!!  
> See you in the next chapter =3


	25. You, pressuring yourself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Since your asthma got worse gradually in Tokyo, you returned to Iwatobi, your hometown and started living with your aunt.  
> Sports was always something you weren't able to enjoy. And being afraid of the water, swimming was never an option.  
> When you meet the swimming boys, you couldn't help but think of them as hot and unapproachable. However, you soon get dragged into their business and become the most important person to them.  
> A person who'd not only see the water's surface but beneath it
> 
> (Re-upload, coming from Quotev)

You took the train, this time, because you were too exhausted to walk to Samezuka’s Academy. Who could blame you? Your time got worse the more you practiced, you had nightmares about Rei, drowning and the tournament was getting closer with each day.  
The sun was already setting when you got off the train and your phone started buzzing again, all of a sudden. You thought it was Rin, asking you what’s taking you so long.  
But it was a call from Rei.  
“Hey, Rei”, you picked up and tried to sound cheerful, however, the blue-haired male already knew that you weren’t alright at all.  
“Hello, [Name]-senpai… can I talk to you for a little?”, you figured what he wanted to talk about. You were avoiding him for some time ever since you called him early that morning.  
But you couldn’t avoid him forever.  
“Yeah, sure”  
“That time… when you called me in the morning… were you having a bad night?”, that boy was sharp. Of course he was. He was paying close attention to his friends and takes care of them, watches over them in his own way.  
“What had happened?”, since you didn’t start talking right away, Rei asked another question because the answer to the first one seemed obvious to him.  
What had happened that night back then? Why were you dreaming about Rei? You were able to get into the water, even though the event was traumatizing. Why would you be scared like that?  
“Well… I was… dreaming about _that time_ ”, you wanted him to understand what you were saying without saying it.  
Since he fell silent you figured that he knew what you were talking about.  
“I see… [Name]-senpai, I am so sorry… It must be very hard on you… If I can do anything to help you make you feel at ease, I gladly do it”, he was so sweet, offering you such things even though it would become a burden.  
“Thanks”, you couldn’t help but chuckle at his words as you looked up to the Samezuka building.  
“If it helps you… I call you more often to show you that I am fine. Thanks to you and the others, I am still here with you and I do not want you to waste the time we have now by worrying about that night. It is in the past and I am currently sitting in my room and talking to you”, it helped you out a little and you knew Rei’s words wouldn’t mean a thing if you wouldn’t let yourself get cheered up. So you figured it would be best to not think about it any longer.  
“Thank you, Rei… really. I’m glad you’re so considerate…”  
Rei didn’t hang up without telling you that he would call again every evening.

 

“[Name]-senpai!!!!!”, you were glad that Nitori was waiting for you outside the boy’s dorm, you would have been totally lost if it wasn’t for him, running towards you.  
Night already approached and you figured that you wouldn’t stay for long but you absolutely wanted to hear what Rin had to say, unlike last time when you let him down.  
“Hey, Aiichirou-kun!”, you didn’t know since when you started calling Rei and Aiichirou by their first name. It was probably because they started using yours. Well, you didn’t care about that, so it was fine.  
“Let’s go inside, Matsuoka-senpai is waiting”, he smiled brightly at you, however, you noticed that something was bothering him. He didn’t seem like his usual self.  
When you noticed that you were entering a boy’s dorm, you couldn’t help but feel slightly nervous.  
Entering a boy’s dorm… at night… what kind of thing was that? Your aunt would probably kill you if she knew about that.  
However, when you saw Rin, sitting on a bench in the entrance hall you couldn’t help but tense up. Sure, he was the one who mailed you, however, you weren’t sure whether you were ready for the things he had to say.  
If it wasn’t for Ai, urging you to sit down next to Rin, you probably would have tried to hide yourself.  
“Hey…”, you finally managed to mumble after choking your nervousness down.  
He didn’t say something in return. It seemed like Rin tried to find the right words to prevent himself from hurting you.  
Ai was patiently waiting for the two of you to make up because he was the one who’d felt Rin’s anger ever since Rin and you had that strange fight.  
You figured that Rin was struggling with himself so you decided to say something.  
“I’m sorry… Rin, I didn’t mean to hurt you…”, you felt like you were walking on thin ice.  
You didn’t know for sure whether you were close enough to hurt Rin. One part of you hoped you were. The other part wished he would stop making you feel so frustrated with yourself.  
Now that you were thinking about it, ever since Nana introduced those boys to you, your life has changed completely. Some things got better. Some worse. You started to get so close to those boys that you became vulnerable. Your heart was exposed to them and it wasn’t always easy. Sometimes it felt so good, sometimes it hurt so bad.  
_Wait… my life had changed once before… it was after I almost drowned… after joining the club because I wanted to swim like Haru…_ , so, even before you came to Iwatobi, those boys were influencing you and your life mercilessly.  
Rin’s silence was making you and Ai feel uncomfortable but you tried to endure it.  
“I haven’t told you about my dad yet, right, Nitori, [Name]?”, when he broke the silence without glaring at you, you felt slightly uneasy.  
He didn’t even look at you. He simply sat there next to you, holding a soda can in his hand. His head hung lifelessly and his red orbs looked at something in the distance.  
Rin seemed broken.  
“No…”, you felt like you had to say something but that was all there was to say.  
He seemed to wait for that little word, though.  
“My dad apparently was, when he was still young, the best swimmer in Iwatobi. He won a lot of trophies and his dream was to become an Olympic swimmer. But he never achieved that dream…”, your heart clenched at that and you couldn’t help but bit your lower lip.  
You didn’t know whether you wanted to hear the rest of the story.  
“He got married, had me and became a fisherman. But then, late one summer, a typhoon hit. A lot of fisherman died. My dad, too”, you thought about the story Makoto had told you back then, when you spent the night at the rest house. So Rin’s father was one of the fisherman who died because of that horrible typhoon.  
“I want to achieve the dream my dad couldn’t… and... I have to beat someone to make that happen”, Rin held onto the can tightly and it made a could sound when it gave in to his strength.  
That was the reason Rin was so obsessed with winning. That was the reason Rin was so obsessed with racing Haru.  
You choked your feelings down and wondered, whether he felt like he ruined his dad’s dream for being born. You hoped you were thinking too much because it wasn’t Rin’s fault. You didn’t want him to think that way.  
“Is that… Nanase-san?”, Ai knew about that, just like you. He was a sharp boy.  
“He has incredible talent… but all he talks about is how he wants to feel the water and how he loves it. He doesn’t care about his time… but I still couldn’t-…”, now you remembered the thing Coach Sasabe was talking about when Makoto and you visited the old Swim Club.  
Rin lost to Haru.  
Rin lost at a time he wanted to win the most and it brought him down.  
_Oh damn…_ , Rin gave you a lot of things to think about. And it almost felt like it was too much.  
When you felt your eyes sting slightly from the tears which were forming, you rubbed your eyes to keep those tears from falling. You felt so useless, even though you knew that you couldn’t have done nothing to save Rin’s father. Or to help him achieve his dream.  
Because you didn’t know whether it really was his dream.  
Was it his dream or his guilty feelings?  
“Back then, when I was desperate for your answer, I was thinking about all that again”, when he said that, you somehow knew that he was talking to you in particular. You knew that he was talking about that time you slept over at Makoto’s place and didn’t notice that Rin was sending you messages.  
Every emotion Rin felt hit you, all of a sudden, when he looked at you. Finally.  
“I’m so sorry…”, you couldn’t help but search his red orbs for forgiveness desperately.  
“I didn’t mean to let you down…”  
“I know…”, you were glad that you found said forgiveness you were looking for. Rin didn’t want to show it but he was happy about the fact that he was important enough to you to make you almost cry.  
“I was… conflicted and couldn’t think straight at that time… it’s not only your fault”, it was rare for Rin to apologize, that’s why you decided to treasure his words and check your phone for mails more often.  
He wasn’t even able to look at you without blushing a little. Sure, he was grateful for the fact that he was important to you but he didn’t want to make you cry.  
Everything seemed perfect, however, you couldn’t help but struggle with yourself. You wanted to ask so many questions but you didn’t know whether you had the right to.  
“Hey… Rin? Can I ask you something?”, you asked sheepishly and looked at him seriously.  
When he saw your serious expression, his slight blush vanished and he stared back at you, showing you that he was preparing himself mentally for your question.  
“Do-… do you… well…”, the words didn’t come easy, but Rin was patient enough and even Ai was able to keep his curiosity from bursting out.  
“Do you… sometimes feel like you ruined your dad’s dream… like it was your fault he couldn’t become an Olympic swimmer?”, you regretted saying those words as soon as you spoke them.  
Rin’s eyes widened slightly before he frowned and avoided to look at you completely. He felt like you were able to see right through him, no matter what he did. Or at least you were able to ask some questions not even he himself was able to answer.  
“I’m asking because I feel that way, sometimes”, you started talking when you noticed that Rin didn’t know the answer.  
You knew so much about Rin, yet he doesn't know a signel thing about you. He was bothered by that sometimes so you decided to entrust your past to him.  
“My parents had me when they were still in high school… my mom was only seventeen when she was pregnant with me, my dad eighteen”, you were avoiding your past ever since you came to Iwatobi but you figured that you can’t run away from it forever. And Rin was entrusting you his story, too, so it was only fair to tell him about yours.  
“Since my aunty already was done studying medicine and came back from Tokyo, she took charge of me while my dad started to study in Tokyo himself and my mom started working here. I didn’t see them often but I had aunty who’d shower me with love. She was the one who loved me the most while my mom sometimes told me that she couldn’t go to Tokyo University because of me…”, you remembered all the fun times you had spent with aunty, all the tears she’d cried because she didn’t think she could handle work while taking care of a child.  
But she did it while staying the amazing woman she was.  
“I found great friends here but then, after my father finished university and got a job, mom told me that we’d move to Tokyo. Just like that”, everything happened so fast and it wasn’t easy. You missed Nana, your aunty, Sousuke and Kisumi while you had forgotten about Haru completely.  
“Sometimes my mother would look at me like… like I’m the-…”  
“No, she’s wrong. It’s not your fault for being born. It’s not like you had much of a choice…”, you were glad that Rin kept you from thinking too much. Of course, he was right.  
Children get thrown into this world. It’s not their fault for being born and they shouldn’t be treated like it is their fault.  
“Senpai is right! If you ask me, I’m pretty glad that you were born, [Name]-senpai! If it wasn’t for you, a lot of people wouldn’t be who they are now. And all those people who will meet you would miss out on something great”  
Those two boys started to cheer you up even before you knew that you were feeling down.  
You couldn’t help but smile at that.  
“Thanks, guys… I’m glad that you were born, too”

“Are you sure you’ll be okay, [Name]-senpai?”, Ai asked you worriedly as he and Rin walked you to the train station.  
“It’s pretty late…”, he either wanted you to stay over or he wanted to take you home.  
“I can’t bother you any longer… I’ll be fine, don’t worry”, Ai couldn’t help but frown at your words. He didn’t believe you.  
“But-…”  
“Nitori, get back to bed”, if it wasn’t for Rin, scolding Ai a little, he probably would have forced you to stay over.  
“O-Okay…”, with that, he got back reluctantly and left the two of you alone.  
As soon as he was gone, Rin couldn’t help but sigh a little which caused you to chuckle. He seemed busy with Ai but if Ai wasn’t there, he probably would be bored as hell.  
“What’s so funny?”, he grumbled and frowned at you, just like he used to and your heart skipped several beats because of that. It seemed like he hasn’t treated you like that in forever.  
“Nothing…”, you said, absentmindedly, which caused him to blush slightly. You seemed so calm, even though you were with him. Or _because_ you were with him?  
“I’m glad you’re treating me the normal way again… I… kinda…”, you didn’t want him to know about your feelings but at the same time you felt like it would do him good.  
“I kinda missed that…”, you felt your cheeks heat up a little at your own words and you weren’t able to look at him. That’s why you couldn’t see that he was blushing heavily himself.  
“Wha-What the hell is that supposed to mean…”, his embarrassment was more obvious than ever and he knew that. That’s why he tried to hide it by avoiding your eyes.  
He felt like you told him indirectly that you had missed him.  
Which was the truth.  
Your train arrived way too soon, you wanted to talk to Rin like that some more. But there was no helping it.  
So you got on the train and looked out of the window.  
Rin was still there, watching you and you were glad he did. You waved at him, smiling the smile he loved.  
When the train started to move again, Rin’s lips moved, also.  
He was saying something but, of course, you couldn’t hear it. He probably didn’t want you to hear it.  
On the other hand, he wanted you to be able to read his lips.  
And you were able to read them.  
_’Me too’_

When you got home you were exhausted as hell and didn’t hesitate to show it by groaning out loud as you sat down on the sofa.  
“You’ve never looked more dead, honey”, you aunty chuckled, stroking your head gently while she ate popcorn. She was watching a movie so she wouldn’t think about strange things that could have happened to you. Well, you got home pretty late so she was worried to death.  
“How was your day?”, you knew she’d ask that, as usual and it was great that she was interested in you and what you do. But sometimes you don’t want to answer that question.  
You couldn’t help but sigh.  
“That good, huh…”, she smirked gently at you and you couldn’t help but lay your head on her shoulder.  
“That stupid tournament is already this week… and my time hasn’t improved at all”, she patted your thigh and lay her head on yours to show you her sympathy.  
“I know it won’t help much… but you’re doing your best. No one can ask more of you. You learnt how to swim a few weeks ago. Literally. Plus, you befriended some hot boys. If you ask me, that’s a great achievement”, you poked her side slightly for that unnecessary comment but you couldn’t help but laugh.  
“Don’t rush things. You’ll be fine, one foot in front of the other”  
She was right. But you couldn’t help but feel frustrated. Maybe it was because of the tiredness that numbed your limbs.  
“Yeah… but it seems like I made up with Rin again, so that’s a plus”, she frowned at that and didn’t seem as happy to see you as before.  
“How was your day?”, you asked her to change the subject and she hummed at that.  
“’was doing my job ‘nd all, just like every day ‘nd stuff…”, she started to talk in a strange manner you don’t hear often.  
“What’s bothering you?”, you looked at her but she didn’t notice it. She’d always talk like that when something was bothering her.  
Then, after some time of thinking she looked at you, a serious expression on her face.  
“I wish you wouldn’t know me that good”, she sighed and leaned her head back, closed her eyes and breathed in deeply.  
“Your parents called. Actually, for the second time”, you knew about the first time. Your aunt was talking pretty loud back then.  
“Yeah… I heard you some days ago… you got angry at mom and dad again, right?”  
Her sighs turned into groans and she covered her face with her hands.  
“I didn’t mean to keep it a secret from you. They… didn’t want to talk to you so I didn’t want you to know…”, you nodded at that.  
It wasn’t like she was telling you something new. Your parents didn’t really want to have a bond with you. That’s why you were alone most of the time after moving to Tokyo and that’s why they didn’t want to call you.  
“What did they say?”, but you were curious, even though the answers to your questions wouldn’t be a pleasant ones.  
“They asked how you are doing, I said that you’re feeling way better and-…”, then she stopped just like that.  
She had to choke the lump in her throat down, before she could talk again and her lips trembled slightly.  
She had to fight her tears back.  
“… they said ‘If she’s doing so good, we can take her to Tokyo again’”  
_What…_  
It felt like your heart had stopped beating painfully.  
That was impossible. You were able to meet Haru again and you befriended with the most precious people on earth! How could you leave Iwatobi again?  
“B-But… won’t my asthma get bad again? Because of the air in Tokyo… and stuff…?”, you wanted to find a reason to be able to stay. You wanted to convince the others that you weren’t ready to move back to Tokyo.  
No, you wouldn’t move back to Tokyo. That was no option.  
You heard her laugh under hear breath, she sounded so desperate and helpless.  
“I’m not sure about that, to be honest… your asthma might have gotten worse for another reason, actually…”, you frowned at that, not getting what she meant at all.  
“What? What kind of reason?”  
Your aunt sighed again and it was obvious that she didn’t want to talk about it.  
She rubbed her face again.  
“Sorry, honey… but I think he should tell you himself…”  
“Who? Aunty, what the hell is going on…”  
“You’ll see… Oh, by the way…”, you were slightly irritated at her change of subject but you figured that she absolutely didn’t want to talk about it. Even though you understood what she was thinking, you couldn't help but glare at her for a while.  
“There was mail for you again…”, she parted from you so she could lean forward to get the paper on the table.  
It has been a while and you thought that it was because you haven’t seen Rin in a while and, therefore, haven’t been over at Samezuka’s.  
_I want to see you again…_ , was the only thing that was written there.  
You hummed at the words, not knowing who would send you those kind of letters.  
Or what to think of them.  
The buzzing of your phone took you off guard and you flinched slightly but fished it out of your pocket anyway. 

_I go to sleep now, please, have also a good night_ , it was from Rei.  
You remembered the moment he told you that he’d contact you to tell you that he is save until you’d stop worrying about him. And he really stuck to it.  
“You look like it’s from your boyfriend?”, your aunty asked, as usual and winked at you.  
“No”, did you really ‘look like’ it’s from your boyfriend? Well, you smiled a little at his mail but you weren’t making a weird face, were you?  
_If she’s doing so good, we can take her to Tokyo again_  
No. You didn’t want that. And Rei’s mail showed you exactly why.  
“Aunty?”, she rested her head on your shoulder again and started eating popcorn while humming absentmindedly.  
“I don’t want to leave Iwatobi”, when you said that, she stopped eating and fell silent.  
“I don’t want you to leave, either, honey”

 

 _… take her to Tokyo again._  
Don’t rush things… you’ll be fine.  
He should tell you himself.  
“[Name]!! Are you even listening?!”  
“Huh?”, Nana’s scolding voice took you back to earth as the two of you walked to school together. It’s been a while since you had spent some time with her.  
“Oh, geez, you… I asked how you are doing. The tournament is so close now, right?”  
“Yeah…”, she didn’t have to remind you of that.  
“You’ll be fine. Kick that Matsuoka-guy’s ass, swim with your friends and let me see how much you have improved since that training.”  
You haven’t improved. But you haven’t told her that yet. It was so shameful, you wished the ground would open up beneath your feet and let you hide for some time.  
“And… there’s another thing I want to tell you…”, was it about Makoto again?  
“I’m gonna go to a school in Tokyo next year…”, she tried to smile, however, her face froze and it felt like she was on the verge of tears. She didn’t want to leave, you could tell that much.  
You, too, felt your heart skip a beat.  
Nana would go to Tokyo.  
But you might, too.  
You didn’t know whether you felt sad because you wanted to stay in Iwatobi or whether Nana was going to move to Tokyo.  
You didn’t want to leave, Haru, Makoto, Nagisa, Rei or Rin. But you also didn’t want Nana to leave.  
“It’s kina ironic, isn’t it? Now that you are back, my dad found a nice job and decided that we should move to Tokyo”, she really wanted to stay. Ever since you had left Iwatobi, she felt so lonely and hurt, there were no words to describe it. She wanted you to return so badly but even when you returned you couldn’t be together with her.  
You tried to hide your teary eyes from her by looking at the deep blue sky above you. It looked like the future was all yours and even the fortune from yesterday told you that.  
But still, some things change on their own, without asking you for permission.  
“I mean… I know that you have changed ever since you have moved to Tokyo… and I was hoping that our relationship hasn’t…”, she was right, things were getting tough, club activities took most of your time and you weren’t able to see Nana often.  
But she was thinking way too much.  
“Nana, it hasn’t. You are still Nana to me and-…”  
“Stop… It _has_ changed… and that’s the other thing I have to tell you… but not now”, she blinked her tears away, just like you and smiled at you. You returned that smile and both of you knew that it was the smile of a liar you were smiling.  
“I’m gonna tell you at today’s festival. So, make sure you come, kay?”  
“Festival? Ah… I totally forgot about that…”  
“It’s because all you think about is swimming! Relax for only one night and you’ll do great, you’ll see! Dress in your nicest yukata and let’s meet up there!”

 

“[Name]-chan, your kick is amazing, just like I told you”, Makoto had, apparently, watched you for some time and walked up towards you to crouch on the edge of the pool.  
You took your googles off to look at him and his gentle smile.  
Even though he knew that your time sucked, he tried to smile.  
Why would he do that? Was he trying to make you feel better?  
“He’s right, [Name]-chan!! You’re improving really fast!”  
You looked over at Kou, who would stop your time for you and her expression told you that nothing has changed at all. Your kick got better, maybe. Your start got better, maybe.  
But your time still sucked.  
“I have to practice more”, you panted, feeling your lungs complain a little.  
You were just like Rin.  
Hitting a wall like him, even though you had thought that you might be able to help him out. It was frustrating and you started to understand his feelings more.  
You were falling behind.  
You’d end up being lost, just like Rin. But he has someone who’d save him.  
What about you? Did you have someone like that?  
“[Name]-senpai, you really are amazing, I-…”  
“Shut up”  
You weren’t the only one who was surprised at your sudden, harsh words. It wasn’t like you had raised your voice but it was the first time you’d say something like that towards the boys.  
You remembered the way Rin had talked to them. It was only the same way as yours right now.  
Your heart clenched and you couldn’t help but look up at Rei, helpless and scared of yourself.  
“S-Sorry, I-… i-it’s just… I’m not as good as you’re saying… and I don’t want your pity… My time hasn’t improved at all and I’m sure everyone knows that by now”, your voice shook, your lips trembled as you told them about your tragedy.  
You felt pressured because you were the only girl. You wanted to represent the Iwatobi Swim Club even though you’re not good at swimming. You wanted to show Rin that his friends are always there to catch up to him and wait for him, so he can catch up himself.  
Even though you won’t be able to swim a relay with them.  
Even though you’d probably move to Tokyo some time yourself.  
“I thought that I would be able to help you guys out… but now I’m hitting a wall myself and start complaining-…”  
“What are you talking about, [Name]-chan?!”, Nagisa suddenly exclaimed and grabbed one of your hands to stop you from saying stupid things that would bring you down.  
“Can’t you see how much you helped us out already? You joined the club when we needed a member, even though you’re scared of the water and have asthma! That’s pretty amazing if you ask me! Plus, you were able to talk to Rin the whole time! I’m sure that you were able to reach something inside him we couldn’t!”, his pink orbs glistered with amazement as he scolded you a little.  
“He is right, [Name]-senpai! You are my inspiration and, without you, I would not have come this far”, even Rei smiled gently at you, not thinking about your words from earlier. Because he knew what it feels like to be scared and to feel pressured.  
He didn’t judge you at all.  
You looked over at Haru, who avoided your eyes as soon as they met yours. Not because he blushed, like usual.  
But because he didn’t want you to see what he was thinking.  
“Come on, [Name]-chan. Let’s take a break, okay? Let’s meet up at today’s festival and relax for some time”, it was Makoto who reached his hand out to help you out of the pool, just like he had helped Haru out so often.  
However, when you had tried to help Haru out of the pool, he ignored your hand completely.  
That was the reason why you weren’t sure whether you were welcome here.  
“Makoto and I will pick you up at half past six”  
But maybe that reason was only your imagination.  
As Haru dared to look at you again, you could see the clear sea in his eyes in which you wanted to drown in. 

You wanted to believe in their gentleness so badly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> www, I'm sorry, I'm pretty busy with some exams so I'm not able to write much and it's kinda short, I hope you enjoyed it this time!  
> Aunty is talking about a mysterious guy, Reader-chan probably goes back to Tokyo with Nana and shit is about to go down!  
> The next chapter will be a long festival chapter, please, look forward to it because it's really going to be long this time =P  
> Go ahead and leave your thoughts, take care and thank you so much for reading my story I hope you don't get tired of it 


	26. You, being loved

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Since your asthma got worse gradually in Tokyo, you returned to Iwatobi, your hometown and started living with your aunt.  
> Sports was always something you weren't able to enjoy. And being afraid of the water, swimming was never an option.  
> When you meet the swimming boys, you couldn't help but think of them as hot and unapproachable. However, you soon get dragged into their business and become the most important person to them.  
> A person who'd not only see the water's surface but beneath it
> 
> (Re-upload, coming from Quotev)

„Oh my! My old yukata suits you so well, [Name]-chan!!”, your aunt couldn’t stop taking pictures of you in her old yukata which was, actually, pretty cute and it was obvious that your aunt cherished it. It looks like she bought it only a few days ago. Even the sandals were in perfect condition.  
The black color of the yukata suited you and the white cherry blossom petals looked really beautiful.  
“Does it really look good?”, you couldn’t help but look down on you skeptically. It almost seemed like you were dressing up for your boyfriend, what were you doing?!  
“I’m sure they like it, stop being so nervous”, your aunty chuckled and tried to put a little make-up on for you but you wiggled way too much, even helping you tame your hair was exhausting like that.  
But you couldn’t help it.  
You looked forward to the Hachiman festival so much because it’s been a while since your last experience on a festival like that. And you’d enjoy it with your precious friends which made you feel even more excited.  
“So, what do you think?”, your aunt handed you a small mirror.  
The girl who looked back at you seemed so friendly, caring and gentle that it made you wonder whether it was really you who you were looking at. But it was probably the same girl your friends saw every day.  
“Is it okay like that?”, you smiled brightly at your aunt for the work she had done for you.  
You looked amazing and cute at the same time. Your lips were a little red from the lipstick and your aunt had put some mascara on your lashes.  
You seemed like the cute girl one would meet during a summer festival.  
“Oh my… you’ve grown up…”, it was strange but when she saw you, standing there like you were waiting for your date to pick you up, it hit her like a train. You weren’t the young girl who was afraid of the water anymore.  
You were you now.  
And you were amazing.  
Your aunt got teary-eyed because of how proud she was of you. There were so many words she wanted to say, however, she had so little time. When the doorbell rung she knew that you couldn’t be her little girl all of the time. Because to someone you were their precious friend.  
To someone you were like a sister and to someone you were like a lover.  
The little girl she knew was only one part of you and she cherished it.  
Since Haru told you they’d pick you up and Nana had send you a message that she would call you if she was on the festival to meet up with you, you could tell who was waiting for you.  
“They are here”, your heart started pounding within your chest for no reason at all. You were meeting up with your friends, that was all. Why would you feel so nervous?  
“Go on, open the door. You don’t want them to wait for too long, right?”, if it wasn’t for your aunt, you wouldn’t have opened the door at all. You felt like a little teenage girl who was too nervous and excited to do anything.  
But there are some moments you are allowed to be a little teenage girl, right?  
So you opened the door to see Haru, wearing a yellow shirt beneath a blue jacket, Makoto, wearing a white shirt and a sweater, just in case, and Nagisa who, actually, was dressed in a yukata. You were a little disappointed to see Haru and Makoto wear casual clothes but they looked good nevertheless.  
Of course they did.  
“Hey, guys”, you greeted them with a smile, holding the little bag which fit perfectly to your yukata tightly in your hands.  
You had to say something, since it seemed like they were in their own little world as soon as they saw you. Their cheeks were flushing a little and their lips parted every now and then as if they made attempts to say something.  
But they couldn’t.  
Every single word they thought of wasn’t enough to tell you how stunning you looked. They couldn’t tell you that you looked like the perfect girlfriend to them either.  
“Ah! [Name]-chan, you look good!!”, it was Nagisa who was able to regain composure first and Haru and Makoto hated themselves for not being the first one to compliment you.  
“Thank you, you guys look great, too!”, you couldn’t help but chuckle when the blonde male took your hands in his and loosened the tension a little. With that, everything returned to normal and it didn’t seem like you were meeting your boyfriend at all.  
Because of Nagisa’s casual behavior, it seemed like you were meeting your friends only.  
The boys couldn’t help but dislike the thought of that. 

As soon as you walked outside the house you could see scattered lanterns everywhere. They looked so bright and beautiful, almost romantic, especially since it was night already.  
“Woah…”, you couldn’t help but gape at the sight.  
“Amazing, right?”, Nagisa next to you cheered as he looked at you. He loved the way you looked when you saw the lanterns and couldn’t help but stare at you. He was the only one who dared to say anything because it would seem strange if he wouldn’t talk. Nagisa tried to save appearances while his feelings for you were raging within his chest. He couldn’t stop his heart from racing.  
Haru and Makoto, too, loved the way you looked around you and how the light of the lanterns illuminated your face. But they didn’t dare to do anything but smile gently at your behavior.  
Something might slip out of their mouth and they won’t be able to take it back. 

“Rei!”, the streets got brighter and busier as you reached the meeting place where Rei had been waiting. When you saw him, dressed in a black yukata, you couldn’t help but wave at him and greet him with a smile.  
He wished it was that easy for him to greet you back.  
Rei was, in fact, quite taken off guard by your appearance. To put it straight, he thought of you as very beautiful. A lot of women and girls were dressed in a yukata, however, he hasn’t seen a girl as beautiful as you. Maybe he felt like that because of the fact that you were you.  
Not because of the yukata or the way you wore your hair.  
The blush on his cheeks was obvious and he was at a loss for words at first but he was able to get a hold of himself and greet you with a gentle smile.  
“Good evening, [Name]-senpai”, he finally managed to say, even though it wasn’t the thing he wanted to say. He wanted you to know how much he adored you but he couldn’t bring himself to be honest in front of his senpais.  
Of course, you were beautiful without being dressed up to the boys. But it seemed like the atmosphere had made them fall for your charm some more.  
“Ah!! Senpai!”, when you heard a familiar voice call out to you, you turned to see Kou and her friend. She was smiling brightly at you and for a second it seemed like she was only looking at you.  
Maybe she was.  
When she noticed that it was getting slightly awkward she turned towards the boys to greet them. They gained gentle and friendly smiles, unlike you who got stared at like you were some kind of rare animal.  
“You two look cute”, Makoto’s comment on the girls didn’t make you feel better at all.  
It wasn’t like you dressed up for the boys but you still wanted a comment. You didn’t know why but you wanted to know their opinion on your appearance, too.  
Why wouldn’t they pay attention to you?  
“[Name]-senpai, you look amazing”, you got goosebumps at that and you couldn’t help but look at Kou. She probably felt that you were feeling sad.  
“Thank you, but I think you look better!!”, you returned her bright smile, causing the boys to feel guilt and regret.  
All because they were too much of a coward to tell you how they felt. 

“There is squid everywhere, nothing has changed at all”, Nagisa and Rei walked ahead while Haru and Makoto had problems with catching up. Nagisa was so energetic, it was slightly troublesome. But that’s Nagisa for you.  
Kou and her friend were watching the squid catching contest and wanted you to join them.  
It was fun at first but turned slightly boring soon after so you decided to go with the boys. There were so many different games to play and meals to try, you didn’t know where to start. Looking around like that, watching the lanterns glow, remembered you somehow of your childhood.  
You had been here before, you knew this kind of festival and someone went there together with you while holding your hand.  
“Ah-…”, you were lost in thoughts, however, it didn’t take you long to notice that there was another maroon-haired Matsuoka within the crowd.  
It was Rin who walked next to Ai.  
You didn’t think that Rin was the kind of man to show up on such events.  
Your heart skipped a beat and the thought of showing him your yukata made your cheeks blush slightly. But why? Why would you want to show him that yukata?  
Why would you want those boys to think of you as cute and beautiful, too? That didn’t make any sense, they were friends only. Why would you care about their opinion on your appearance?  
“Ri-...”, you were confused and almost said his name without noticing it. Luckily Haru and Makoto fell back a little so you were closer to Rei and Nagisa, who put his hand gently on your mouth from behind.  
“Sh!”, his breath tickled your ear when he told you to stay quiet.  
“You have to stay quiet, [Name]-chan, you can’t call out to him while Haru is right behind us”, he was right. Why didn’t you think of that? Rin said that he’d see you at the tournament. Which means that he wouldn’t see you before that.  
But then… he called you out last time, right?  
Why does this have to be so complicated…?  
“What are you guys doing?”, when you heard Makoto’s voice from behind you, Nagisa flinched and didn’t think of taking his warm hand from your mouth, it made you feel even hotter because of the heat.  
You turned around to look at the brunette male, however, when he saw that Nagisa was holding your mouth, his heart dropped in his guts. Not because he felt like Nagisa was hurting you, he trusted him. But because he felt like you got closer.  
“U-Uhm! Nothing at all!!”, the blonde let go of you and it was obvious that he was really bad at lying.  
“[N-Name]-chan and I are going to buy some squid burgers for you guys!!!!”, you couldn’t help but flinch at Nagisa’s words.  
_Why me?!_  
Well, since you knew what was going on you played along with a smile.  
“Right. Wait in the rest area over there”, you pointed at some benches and tried to act as naturally as possible while not looking at the boys because you knew Makoto and Haru were able to read your mind.  
“Uh-… okay then, let’s go Haru”  
It was quite hard, getting Makoto to understand what was going on but when Nagisa started winking he finally got it and was able to lead Haru to a place where he wouldn’t see Rin. Hopefully.  
“What do we do?!”, you panicked a little as soon as the two boys were gone and you looked at Rei and Nagisa for answers.  
“Well… Ah! Rei-chan! You follow Rin, alright? Write me some mail to tell me where he is, okay?”  
“Ah, so we can lead Haru in the opposite direction!”, you concluded and smiled encouragingly at Rei. If it was Rei, he would be able to do it, was what you were saying, at least, that’s what he thought.  
It was because of your smile that he gave in eventually and decided to follow Rin.

“Oh wow… that’s quite exhausting”, the blonde male next to you sighed when he noticed that Rei was gone. He had acted all bold and composed when Rei was still around, however, he couldn’t keep that façade up. Nagisa didn’t want Rei to feel bothered by the things that were going on so he called him ‘Detective Rei-chan’ and made fun of the situation.  
However, Nagisa was, in fact, quite bothered by the situation himself. Rin was here. Rin had so much power over Haru that, if the two of them would meet, things would escalate and Haru definitely would say no to the relay.  
That was no option. Especially when there was still some chance that Haru might swim the relay.  
“Are you okay, Nagisa?”, of course, he wasn’t but you didn’t know how to start the conversation. You wanted him to trust you and tell you about the things which made him nervous but how should you say that?  
“Yeah…”, he looked down on the ground as the two of you walked towards one food stall after another. He smiled absentmindedly and it was obvious that he was thinking about something which was in the past.  
“It’s just… I wish it wouldn’t be necessary… running away from Rinrin like that… I wish he’d join us”, the light of his pink orbs was dim and you knew that he was talking about more than just the festival. He wanted Rin to hurry and return to his friends. He wanted him to be okay again and show him the thing again he had shown Nagisa in the past already.  
“Yeah… me too… and I’m sure that he can join us, one day… we’ll make it happen”, you were feeling down yourself because you knew that Nagisa was talking about the smile you wanted to see so badly. You didn’t know anything about their past but you wanted to. You wanted to be a part of their life.  
“Nagisa, you don’t have to think that everything’s on you. You don’t have to think that Tachibana-kun and Haru wouldn’t understand that you are worried. Why aren’t you telling them about Rin?”, why would he torture himself like that?  
The blonde male shook his head.  
“Sorry… I can’t…”, because he was scared. When Rin and Haru meet, something starts to break.  
Thinking of that made you feel unbearably sad but you couldn’t show it. Because it wasn’t like you knew anything about their relationship.  
“Ah, look, Nagisa! There it is! Let’s buy some squid burgers!”, you took his hand without any hesitation because you knew he needed it.  
He needed affection, compassion and a little physical contact to distract himself from everything that was going on.  
“You’re right!”, you were glad when you saw that gentle smile on his lips again and a slight blush blossom on his cheeks.  
It would take some time but you’ll be alright someday. 

The two of you ended up holding hands somehow.  
No, it wasn’t quite ‘holding hands’. Your index and middle finger were holding onto each other so it wouldn’t get too awkward while still being able to be connected to each other. Nagisa didn’t want to scare you away, even though he wanted to hold your hand properly. But holding onto your fingers gently with his was enough to send shivers down his spine.  
He needed that.  
He needed you.  
“Ah! Look, over there are some sparklers! Let’s go get some!”, Nagisa was slightly embarrassed by the silence between the two of you so he was glad that those sparklers had caught his eye.  
You couldn’t help but feel like a little girl again and your face brightened up immediately.  
“Yes!”, your reaction made the blonde male smile brightly, too and he dragged you towards the sparklers. Holding hands with him seemed so natural now, you didn’t even notice it.  
“One packet of those sparklers, please! Oh, and, can I have some matches?”, Nagise insisted on buying them, even though you insisted to pay for them, too. Well, Nagisa was stubborn like that.  
“Come on, let’s go somewhere where we can see them sparkle the brightest!”, he dragged you into a small alleyway and, if it wasn't Nagisa who would have dragged you with him, this would have been quite creepy.  
The blonde male somehow found a bench, away from the festival. It was darker there, since there weren’t many lanterns but it wasn’t dark enough to be scary.  
You sat down on the bench as Nagisa handed you a sparkler, took the matches and lighted it.  
It immediately send out sparks which startled Nagisa a little and he couldn’t help but yelp at that, causing him to fall back on his buttocks. You couldn’t help but chuckle a little at that.  
“Come on, take one, too”, you fished one out of the packet and handed it over to him. He smiled, somewhat sheepishly, at you and took it. Instead of using the matches, though, he put its tip on yours. When his started sending out sparks, too, he watched it with a gentle smile on his face.  
It seemed like he wanted to say something but decided to keep quiet about it. Which was probably for the best. He didn’t know whether this would be the first and last time he could see you relaxed like that so he didn’t say anything.  
Simply watching the light of the sparkles enlighten your face was enough.  
Or at least that’s what he thought.  
“Hey… [Name]-chan…?”, you looked at him, however, his pink orbs were watching the sparklers, not you. Nagisa seemed absentminded and lost in thoughts, that was pretty unusual.  
“You know… I kinda feel like we are just like those sparklers… we have to make effort to start glowing on our own… we need matches… but if there is someone else who already sparkles, we can just lean onto them and we are able to start glowing, too. Just like that”, at first you didn’t quite understand what he was talking about, all of a sudden. It was pretty philosophical after all and it was rare for Nagisa to talk like that.  
“But we can only lean on others if their glow is strong enough… otherwise we’d put them out…”  
He was right. If you lean on someone who isn’t strong enough to support themselves, it won’t work. It’ll make things worse.  
“And… I somehow start to think that we leaned on you, hoping you could make us glow, too. Haru-chan, Mako-chan… Rin-chan, Rei-chan and me… You seemed so bright at first… but now I’m starting to think that your light is slowly fading because of us…”, your heart skipped a beat at his words. Did he really think that way? Was he blaming himself for your time, which was gradually getting worse? Was he blaming himself for the pressure you felt?  
The hissing of the sparkles hushed and it turned dark around you again.  
“That’s why it’s our responsibility to make you glow again. But it’s not only our responsibility… we _want_ to make you glow again… even brighter than before”, he was saying some pretty cheesy things. But you somehow felt that he was right. He was putting a lot of thoughts into his words. For a reason.  
“Uhm… thank you…”, you blushed a little when he looked up at you with serious eyes. It was rare, seeing him like that. He really was worried about you.  
You were sure that Nagisa noticed that he was, in fact, able to make you glow again, even if it was only a little bit.  
“Ah… right. There’s one thing I wanted to say”, he stood up and dusted his yukata a little before sitting down next to you on the bench. His face was closer now and you were able to see that he wasn’t smiling at all. Your heart skipped a beat again and you didn’t quite know whether he was just acting all serious or whether he was being serious.  
“You look really cute. Not just because of your yukata. But today you look cuter than usual. I didn’t think that was possible”  
_Wa-Wait! Ho-Hold on!!_ , you flinched at his words and your eyes widened in surprise. Why would he say things so randomly?!  
“U-uhm…”, he probably noticed that you felt pretty flustered because of his compliment, that’s why his lips curved into a gentle smile.  
“It’s okay. You don’t have to say anything”, he brought his face a little closer to give you the eskimo kiss he loved so much.  
“Just let me compliment you”

 

“You… bought a lot of food…”, Nagisa and you figured that it would be best to buy some time so you bought as many things as the two of you could carry. You made Haru and Makoto wait, but that was fine since you knew they weren’t going around somewhere where they’d meet Rin.  
“Where’s Rei?”  
“He met an acquaintances!”, you felt so bad for lying to your friends like that but you had no choice.  
“That’s right! He is talking to him about nostalgic stuff… and things!”, Nagisa was right there to back you up and it almost seemed like the two of you were some kind of couple, fighting against the whole world.  
“I’ll go buy drinks”, Haru suddenly said and stood up, however, you were quick to react and blocked his way.  
“Nagisa can do that! Right?”  
“Y-Yes! Of course!”, you exchanged looks with Nagisa and it was obvious that the two of you were totally frustrated and tensed because of the whole situation. Haru didn’t make it any better.  
“I’ll go with Nagisa, then”, Makoto suggested and stood up, too. Since the main mission was to keep Haru from meeting Rin, it would be fine for Makoto to go with Nagisa, right?  
“I’ll wait here with Haru, then!”, you said as you tried to smile the pressure away.  
“See you!”

When Makoto and Nagisa had left, you had to fight the urge to sit yourself down next to him with a sigh. It was exhausting but you didn’t want Haru to know. Not Haru of all people.  
You thought everything was fine as long as Haru would just keep on sitting on that bench, however, you caught yourself thinking that you didn’t want to be with him. He didn’t say a single word and the silence was making you feel uncomfortable. You knew that Haru’s silence was his way of communicating, however, you weren’t quite sure what he was saying at that moment.  
He probably was sick of you just like always.  
He wouldn’t want to teach you how to swim the crawl, he didn’t want you to help him out of the pool or join the club in the first place. Why was he acting like that? Even though the two of you apparently were so close before you had left Iwatobi…  
“U-Uhm… Hey, Haru…”  
_Oh shit…_ , you didn’t know what to say. You felt like you had to say something but you had no idea what!!  
_What do I do!!!_  
“Is there somewhere you want to go?”  
“Huh?”, you were taken off guard by his sudden question so you weren’t able to answer it at all. When you looked at him, he was avoiding your eyes by eating the food Nagisa had bought.  
Knowing that you heard him clearly, he didn’t say anything and waited for your answer.  
“We-… we have to wait for Nagisa and Tachibana-kun, right? We can’t just go away like that…”, if Haru would leave this bench it would end up being a disaster. So you tried to insist on not leaving.  
“Nagisa always drags people into something. I’m sure you want to go somewhere but you couldn’t because he kept dragging you along”, even though it sounded mean, he didn’t mean it in a bad way. He just knew that Nagisa sometimes was quite pushy and that he was good at understanding other people’s feelings but could be quite ignorant sometimes.  
“No… it’s not like that, really! We ended up buying sparkles because I wanted to, so it’s fine…”  
With that, he fell silent again and it seemed like you had to start at zero again. You couldn’t help but sigh internally. It felt like he wasn’t able to say the things he wanted to so misunderstandings would ruin the mood.  
“Haru… that wasn’t what you wanted to say… right?”, you looked at him sheepishly as you tried to keep the conversation going.  
He didn’t look at you.  
“Nagisa had forced you to join the club even though you didn’t want to. Ever since then he drags you along without thinking about your feelings”, Haru usually wasn’t that talkative and it made you feel a little uneasy. A lot of things were going on inside that silent boy. Taking a glimpse of his mind was slightly scary.  
“It’s fine… I ended up being happy about joining…”, there was the tournament, you haven’t improved at all, there were some horrible things, too. But you wouldn’t want it any other way.  
Haru looked down at the food, avoiding your eyes at all costs as he said:  
“Do you remember that day when we were children and went to that festival?”  
Your eyes widened at his sudden change of subject.  
“What… when we were kids? No…”, you didn’t know that you had been there before. Well, it was imaginable, considering that Iwatobi was your hometown. But you didn’t know that you had been here with Haru. Oh. That was the reason why you felt like you've been here before.  
His blue orbs grew darker and you thought that you saw disappointment in them.  
Haru was sick of being the only one who remembers those important moments. It hurt.  
“Haru… what happened that day? If you tell me, I might remember”, you didn’t know why you haven’t thought about asking him sooner. He knew you. He knew everything about you. Why wouldn’t you ask him to help you refresh your memory? Because it was scary.  
Haru looked at you again and it felt like he had been avoiding you for ages. His blue orbs seemed slightly hopeful and you were glad that you had asked him to tell you about that day. However, he soon looked down on his hands again as he tried to remember every detail.  
Not that it was hard.  
There was no way he’d forget that day.  
“You wore a yukata, just like today and we were four years old. Your aunt took us to that festival but we somehow lost her. Since you felt scared we held hands while looking for her…”  
You were slightly surprised by that. Haru and you? Holding hands? Nana and Makoto were that kind of friends, you know that. But Haru, too?  
“We held hands?”, the raven-haired male didn’t know why you’d be so surprised by that and looked at you, asking you silent questions like ‘Yeah, why?’ or ‘Is there a problem with that?’  
“I didn’t think that you’d hold hands with me…”, you looked at his hands on reflex, wondering how Haru would treat you if you wouldn’t have left Iwatobi. Would he treat you like he treats Makoto?  
“We sat on a bench like that, you cried and I tried to calm you down by holding your hand”, he avoided your comment swiftly since he didn’t know what kind of answer would be the best one.  
“Then your aunt found us”  
You didn’t know that. Why did you forget about that story? How could you forget about it?  
You looked at him, with eyes filled with regret as you felt your heart sting.  
He had been scared, too, back then. You didn’t know why but you somehow knew that. Or rather, you remembered a little.  
You remembered what his hand felt like, that it was only a little bigger than yours but you felt safe next to him nevertheless. You’d always hold his hands, whenever you met him without asking for his permission. But he never shook it off.  
“Your hand was trembling back then… but even so you were there for me…”, he flinched slightly at your words and looked at you, a little surprised.  
“I remembered just now… that I’d always hold your warm hand… that I’d always call you ‘Haru-nii’…”, you stared into the distance, hoping to find something.  
“I want to remember everything, Haru… I’m so sorry for forgetting about you…”  
That wasn’t a good idea and he knew that. However, he wanted you to remember, too.  
What was he supposed to do?  
“I might know why you forgot about me”, he didn’t want to see the expression on your face when he said that. You’d probably feel betrayed because he hadn’t said a thing about knowing why you had forgotten.  
However, that wasn’t the case. You felt quite eager to listen to what he had to say.  
“Tell me!”, how was he supposed to win against you?  
Haru didn’t want you to know but at the same time he wanted to share his burden with you. He wanted you to know that he was suffering and that he needed your kindness.  
“It might be because of me…”, his voice was low and he obviously didn’t want you to hear his words. But there was no way you wouldn’t hear such desperate words.  
“Why…?”, your heart clenched at his words. He shrunk a little and it seemed like he wanted to hide from you. But it wasn’t working. He couldn’t run away from you or the past.  
“After you fell into the pool… I paid you a visit. But you didn’t remember me”, he clenched his hands into fists, probably unconsciously and they were trembling ever so slightly.  
“Your aunt told me that you were traumatized and eliminated that accident. She also told me that…”, Haru had stopped talking.  
He needed time to collect himself.  
“… I was the reason why you joined the Swim Club. And because you joined the Swim Club, that accident happened. So, in other words, you forgot about the one who was responsible for your love towards swimming. You forgot about everything and everyone you tied to swimming”  
_What….?_ , was that true? But you didn’t forget about Nana, right?  
Was it because you didn’t join the club because of Nana but because of Haru?  
Was that the reason?  
Why was he blaming himself for what had happened?  
“Haru…”, you didn’t know what to say. You didn’t know what would make him feel better. So you simply reached your hand out, carefully, and put it on his. His knuckles had turned white from all the force he was putting in his hand. Also his breath started to tremble slightly and it was obvious that he was struggling with himself.  
“It’s not your fault, Haru…”, you took that hand on which you had put your hand on in both of your hands and tried to help him relax.  
“What happened back then was an accident… plus, you saved me, so, if it wasn’t for you…  
... let’s not think about that”, you started stroking the back of his hand gently and you were happy to see that he was relaxing his hand a little. You were able to intertwine your fingers with his that way, just like you used to.  
“I’m really sorry for forgetting about you… I won’t ever forget about you again… Haru-nii”, you could feel his hand twitch slightly at your words as if he wasn’t sure whether it was okay for him to take your hand. However, he squeezed yours eventually and his breathing calmed down.  
Haru probably wouldn’t be that honest about his feelings, however, he felt like he could talk to you about anything. He wanted you to know how precious you were to him and that he didn’t want to hurt you. He never wanted to hurt you. And you came to understand that.  
That was probably the reason why he didn’t want you to join the club.  
“Hey, Haru…”, he sat up again, slowly, to look at you. His face was indifferent as usual, however, his blue orbs seemed so grateful, it hurt looking at them.  
“You didn’t want me to join the club because you wanted to protect me… right? Because you thought I’d remember you eventually and that I end up getting hurt by you… just like Rin did when he paid Iwatobi a visit back then”, you remembered the story Sasabe was telling you and Makoto and you thought to know what was going on in Haru’s head now. He was so scared of hurting others, of being told that he is ‘extraordinary good’ at swimming because his talent would hurt others. That’s probably what he thought.  
Maybe you were right. Haru couldn’t tell. But he felt like you were right in some ways, that’s why he avoided your eyes again. Because it felt like that he was being exposed to you whenever he looked at you.  
“Haru…”, you put one arm around his neck, ever so gently, while not letting go of his hand. You started to pull him closer while watching his reaction. You wanted to hug him, however, you didn’t know whether he felt uncomfortable.  
Since he didn’t resist you put your forehead on his and looked deep into his eyes. It felt like you were watching the ocean which was devouring you in return.  
“It’s not your fault. You weren’t the one who hurt me… you might have hurt Rin in some ways, however, that’s fine. That's what friends to. They hurt each other. You ended up hurting him because you are important to him. He looks up to you, he admires you… and it feels lonely knowing that we can’t keep up with you…”, he closed his eyes and bit his lips, forgetting the noisy people around of you completely. Even though you were in public, you didn’t care about that at all. Haru was more important than your shame.  
“Being friends doesn’t mean that you stop hurting each other… you just start to make every effort to reconcile with the people you love”, he squeezed your hand tighter, never wanting to let go. You were able to help him ease his mind again. How was he ever going to be able to let go of you?  
“Even if you might feel like you won’t catch up to me… I won’t leave you behind… so don’t worry… and I won’t leave Rin behind, either”, he opened his eyes again as he said that and you recognized the collected man again. Of course you knew that he was quite sensitive and thinking about a lot of things on the inside but he seemed at ease for now.  
“I know… thanks… Haru-nii…”, as soon as you said that, he started avoiding your eyes again but he didn’t pull away. Quite the contrary. It seemed like he was getting closer with every second.  
He probably was embarrassed by you, calling him by his old nickname again since he blushed a little.  
“Are… you going to start calling me like that again?”, it seemed like he was sulking a little to hide the fact that he wanted you to call him like that. However, you weren’t kids anymore. It would be really embarrassing if you start calling him like that again.  
_Oh, well… who cares…_  
“Yes… now that I keep on remembering things little by little”  
Haru sighed at that, acting as though he didn’t like it, however, there was a gentle smile on his lips which caused your heart to melt.  
You chuckled at his behavior which made him frown a little.  
“Haru… promise me something, okay? Don’t keep important things to yourself. You don’t have to bear that burden on your own”, you said that to Makoto, too and it seemed like Haru also was that kind of guy who’d keep things boiled up.  
“You can lean on me… always”  
At first he was looking at you without saying a thing. He knew that he could trust you without getting hurt. You were reliable and he knew that. Why hasn’t he been able to show that?  
He had to change that.  
Haru closed his eyes again and his lips curved slightly.  
“Yeah… I know”

“They sure take their time…”, you sighed and rested your head on the table while looking up at Haru. You wanted him to tell you what to do so Makoto, Nagisa and Rei would get back soon but he just returned your look.  
“We can go look for them”, he then said, ready to stand up, however, you soon remembered that Haru would end up meeting Rin if he would keep in motion. So you had no choice but to jump to your feet.  
“A-Ah!! No, it’s okay, you can stay here, I go look for them!”, since you knew that he was able to read your mind and notice that something was wrong with you, you turned your back towards him immediately, ready to run, however, before you were able to flee, you crushed into someone.  
“Nagisa!”, you stared into his pink orbs, quite shocked that Makoto wasn’t with him.  
“What about Tachibana-kun?!”  
“Ah… well…”, you gave you his typical ‘I did something wrong but I’m way too cute to enrage you’ smile while avoiding your eyes.  
“I… kinda lost him”  
“Are you serious?!”, did he just say he lost Makoto?  
The gentle giant Makoto?  
Was he serious?!  
“Can you go look for him, [Name]-chan?”  
“Why me, you lost him”, you shot him a glare while shaking your head. There was no way you could find Makoto in a crowd. But Nagisa gave you that look... that puppy look he'd always give you if he wanted you to do something for him.  
“Okay then… I go look for him, take care of you and don’t lose Haru!!”

“That Naigsa… I can’t believe he lost our Tachibana-kun”, you couldn’t help but sigh while looking for the gentle giant. It was pretty crowded, however, it shouldn’t be that hard, finding someone like Makoto. Right?  
You walked past stalls which sold food and the air was filled with the warm scent of squid. You had way too much of that squid that day so you couldn’t wait to leave that area behind.  
The crowd’s flow lead you to an area which sold toys and masks.  
You were way too busy looking for Makoto to notice that you almost bumped into Rin. If it wasn’t for that stranger, who had pulled you closer and covered your face with a mask, that is.  
Everything happened so fast, you weren’t even able to scream or feel scared. However, as soon as your mind comprehended that some stranger had pulled you closer, you felt uncomfortable.  
“I am so sorry, [Name]-senpai… I acted on reflex”  
“Rei…?!”, you gave the mask back to the stall and looked at him with wide eyes.  
_Oh, right_ , he was following Rin so it was only natural that he was near Rin. However, because of his ‘mission’ he wasn’t able to spend time with you and the others. Which was kind of unfair and you felt bad for it.  
“Sorry... I wish Nagisa wouldn’t have told you to follow Rin… You should spend time with us”, you looked up at him and all the regret you felt showed on your face, causing him to blush slightly. Of course, he tried to cover it by readjusting his glasses, as always.  
“N-No… please, do not worry about that…”, since Rei was new to all that swimming and drama in the Iwatobi past, just like you, he felt left out. And you knew that. Making him chase after Rin was making it worse, probably.  
Or maybe it had been a good idea? Did Nagisa want Rei to get more involved and that’s why he asked him to follow Rin?  
_I don’t get Nagisa at all…_  
“Uhm… we should get going, [Name]-senpai… if we lose our target-…”, he took his quest really seriously. Probably because he didn’t want to disappoint Nagisa.  
“Ah, you’re right, let’s go”  
And with that, you ended up chasing after Rin and Ai instead of looking for Makoto. 

Everything went smoothly. You thought that Rin knew that he was being followed for some time, however, if he did, he either didn’t care or wanted to show his stalkers something. It probably was number one. There was no way that Rin from the present would want to show a piece of his heart just like that.  
Anyway, there had been no problems. Until that moment when Ai and Rin suddenly stopped in front of a stall. They have been staring at its merchandises for ten minutes without talking and Rei and you feared that the boys suspected that they were being followed.  
“I’m thinking of getting [Name]-senpai that one…”, Ai suddenly said, quite to your surprise. He seemed pretty serious about it, too.  
Rin didn’t react to his comment right away. It was obvious that he was lost in thoughts.  
“You are thinking about getting her that necklace, too, right, senpai?”, hearing them talk about you like that was quite embarrassing, especially since Rei could hear them, too.  
You gulped and looked up at Rei who stood next to you as you were hiding behind a stall. He simply watched them, a serious expression on his face. At the same time, that expression seemed to show uneasiness.  
“Rei… what’s wrong?”, you whispered so the other boys wouldn’t hear you.  
The younger male flinched slightly as if he just remembered that you were still next to him before turning his smiling face to you.  
“N-Nothing”, he said, avoiding your eyes. He knew that you were able to tell that something was fishy but he didn’t want to talk about it.  
“Okay… let’s go then”

You didn’t know how but after following Rin for some time you noticed that you had lost Rei, too. Along with Rin.  
This was horrible. Why was it so easy to lose those boys? Well, it wasn’t bad since you actually wanted to search for Makoto. But that didn’t mean that you wanted to leave Rei. Or lose him.  
You sighed heavily at the situation and walked along with the crowd’s flow while looking for the brunette male.  
You were glad that he was so tall, you would have overlooked him otherwise. He was standing in front of a stall, looking at its merchandises closely. You only saw his profile so there was a chance that you were mistaken when you thought of his expression as sad and lonely.  
It wasn’t easy but, somehow, you were able to reach him by avoiding other people swiftly and using convenient gaps in the crowd.  
“Tachibana-kun! I finally found you!”, you stood next to him when you looked up, into his green orbs. Makoto obviously was taken off guard by you because he flinched and even whined a little, being the cute scaredy- cat he is.  
“A-Ah… [Name]-chan… it’s you”, he seemed relieved and his scared expression soon turned into a welcoming one. He was giving you that Makoto-smile. But it was still different from that smile he gave Kou and her friend. Less lovingly. Kou was probably the only one on his mind, wasn’t she?  
“Nagisa told us that he lost you… where have you been all the time?”, you frowned slightly to show him that you have been worried about him and put your hands on your hips in order to scold him a little.  
But the brunette male only chuckled at your behavior. You looked way too cute to be taken seriously sometimes. Especially when you are only _faking_ to be mad.  
“I’m sorry… I kinda saw that stall and got interested”, he said and looked back at the stall’s merchandises. You followed his look and it was only then when you noticed that said stall wasn’t selling ordinary stuff like masks or sweets.  
It was selling goldfishes.  
“Aw, they look cute”, you said and watched those little fishes swim merrily in their huge, blue container. They were a lot of fishes of all colors, red, white, even black ones and a lot of people who tried to catch some but failed.  
Perhaps Makoto was one of those people, too?  
“Do you want some?”, you then looked over your shoulder and smiled at him, knowing the answer. You only had to look at him to see the sparkle in his green orbs. Of course he wanted some.  
But it seemed childish, right?  
Makoto’s cheeks flushed a little as he lifted his hand to rub the back of his neck in embarrassment. He even looked down to avoid your wise eyes.  
“N-No… it’s fine…”, you knew that he would say that.  
“Liar”, you chuckled under your breath as you said that, teasing him a little. You already told him that he should be more honest towards you. However, ever since you started to know those guys better, there was no reason to do so. Because he knew that you could see right through him.  
“I can tell that you want them”, his Adam’s apple moved as he realized that there was no escaping from you. You were way too good at reading his mind that there was no way that he could lie to you just like that. That insight made his heart race and his cheek flushed all of a sudden and it felt like your presence took his breath away. It got harder and harder to breathe and he wasn’t able to say anything.  
But he tried hard to tell you the things he wanted you to know so he parted his trembling lips.  
“When I was little… I had goldfishes… but they died even though I took good care of them…”  
Of course, hearing him say that made you feel sad. But, unfortunately, that’s the way it is. Things break, animals die. No one could change that fact.  
You could tell by looking at his clouded expression that he knew that, even if he’d be able to catch some goldfishes now, those would die, too, eventually.  
“I want them… but I don’t want to lose them…”, that was contradictory but you were able to understand how he felt.  
You reached your hand out carefully to tug at the sleeve of his white shirt.  
“I can’t promise you that they’ll be with you forever… but I can promise you to be always there to get them for you”, you could feel his body tense a little and he was, finally, looking at you with bright, sparkling eyes as if he had seen a shooting star and was ready to make his wish.  
You gave him your sweet smile which made his heart race again and all the blood rush into his cheeks.  
You took that as some kind of approval so you let go of his sleeve, much to his regret, and rolled the ones of your yukata up.  
“Okay then, let’s go catch some fishes”, you said, all fired up to give Makoto a good memory, however, he soon started to argue.  
“U-Uhm, it’s okay, I can get them mys-…”, but he wasn’t able to keep you from doing what you wanted to do.  
“No. I want to be the one who catches them for you”  
Why?  
Why did those words give him goosebumps? Why did your eyes, your smile, everything about you cheer him up in no second?  
“Come on, tell me what kind of goldfish you want”, Makoto, too, was fired up by your eagerness and couldn’t help but step closer towards the container too look at the fishes.  
“But isn’t it harder to go for one particular fish?”  
“Just pick one”, you didn’t want him to think too much. You didn’t want Makoto to think that he was a bother to you that’s why you asked him for his favorite fish. You wanted him to be more selfish around you.  
“Well… okay, then… can you get me that white one with those red cheeks?”, he was blushing himself a little while pointing at the fish but you were too fixated on the goldfish to notice why.  
That fish looked like he was blushing. Just like you when you smile. That’s why he wanted said goldfish.  
“Okay then! Excuse me, sir! Can I get a scooper and a plastic bowl, please?”  
“Right away, young lady! That’ll be 100 yen!”  
You paid the equipment in a hurry so you could start catching the goldfish for Makoto. Because he was to one who feels guilty for bothering people. You wanted to show him that it was fine to bother your friends, you wanted him to notice that bothering others doesn’t have to be a bad thing. It’s a thing about trust and enduring and about holding onto each other even when times are hard.  
Your eyes were fixated on that little fish and you almost felt bad for looking at it in such an intimidating way. But you were so fired up, you couldn’t help it.  
You took a deep breath and dipped the scooper into the water which caused the fishes to rush away from you immediately.  
That… wasn’t the right approach?  
Since the scooper was made out of paper, you had to be swift and careful so it wouldn’t break. It wasn’t as easy as you thought it was and the hunt got frustrating pretty soon.  
_That fish is just too fast…_  
Since you were busy with trying to catch that fish, you didn’t see Makoto’s expression. He stood right next to you and watched the faces you made carefully. Your frustrated expression, your fired up expression, your concentrated expression. Everything.  
He didn’t know why you would put so much effort in catching a goldfish for him. For someone like him. But he soon understood that, if you tried so hard for him, it had to be for some reason.  
Maybe he wasn’t a bad person after all, if someone precious like you tried to make him happy.  
However, that hunt seemed so familiar to him. He wanted that fish because it resembled you. But that fish wouldn’t come to him, no matter how hard he tried. Whether he was being too slow or too fast, he ruined it every time.  
And he doubted that he’d get that fish. That’s why he doubted that you’d be able to catch it.  
“Ah! I got it!!”  
Makoto’s heart skipped a beat, all of a sudden and it almost hurt because of all the confusion his feelings were giving him. When he looked at the plastic bowl, his eyes widened and his face lit up at once.  
“Really…”, he didn’t believe his eyes. But the longer he watched that fish swim merrily inside that bowl the sooner he realized that you managed to get that cute, fast fish.  
“You did it!”, when you saw him smile so excitedly at you, you realized that that was the reason why you tried so hard. The face he made was priceless and you never wanted to miss it.  
“You’re amazing, [Name]-chan!!”  
You laughed proudly at his praise.  
“Ah… but the scooper broke”, you looked back to the scooper. The paper was too wet and it had been torn because of the fish’s weight.  
“That was the only one I was able to catch? No way… that fish was so chubby, it tore the scooper”, you sighed and all the euphoria was gone completely. You wanted to catch some more...  
“I’m sorry, Tachibana-kun…”, you looked back at him again and showed him the regret you felt.  
But he just shook his head, still smiling like he just saw a unicorn.  
“No! Don’t be sorry! Because, even if it’s only one fish, it’s exactly the one I wanted!”  
“But you can’t keep a single goldfish alone, right? They’ll get lonely…”  
“Want to try another time, then?”, the seller suddenly asked, handing you another scooper. You didn’t have enough money to pay for another time, even if it was cheap. Nagisa had bought way too much food…  
“It’s on the house. I’m glad to see that there are young people who know how to treat goldfishes”, the old man smiled gently at you.  
And that’s how you got another two, tiny fishes. They seemed like they were pretty young.  
“Thank you so much!”, you thanked the seller as you took the plastic bag he handed over to you.  
“Thank you”, Makoto thanked him, too and gave him some money for being such a gentle, old man.  
“Oh, you make me blush… ah. By the way. That fish you caught earlier, it’s not chubby. It’s pregnant”  
Makoto and you exchanged looks instantly and you were able to see his face light up in an instant.  
He was so happy, there was no way he could make up for your kindness. 

“You have to name them!”, you encouraged Makoto, who held the plastic back as if it was the most precious thing on this planet.  
“Oh… hmm…”, he thought hard about a name, or, at least, he acted as though. If he was honest, he already knew what kind of names he wanted to call them. But it was so embarrassing, there was no way he could tell you.  
“Uhm… I’d call the little ones Ran and Ren”, that was easier because he loved his twin siblings. And they’d be happy for being namesakes of goldfishes.  
“And the pregnant one?”, you asked innocently and watched the fishes swim around. They seemed happy to have each other.  
You didn’t notice that Makoto’s forehead started to sweat heavily because of your innocence. There was no way he could tell you that he wanted to name a fat goldfish after you. You’d take it the wrong way and hate him forever. But he couldn’t lie to you either.  
His Adam’s apple twitched again as he choked his embarrassment down and he wetted his dry, chapped lips before he parted them sheepishly.  
“B-Before… before he told us that that one is pregnant… I didn’t think of her as fat, you were the one who said that… so… I thought about calling her… ‘[Name]’”, he clenched his eyes shut as soon as he was finished talking, awaiting your outburst and anger and he even tried to hide behind the plastic bag.  
“Really? Oh, that’s so cute! Thank you!”, he didn’t expect that but he was happy that you weren’t mad at him. Because it was cute, wasn’t it? Having the same name as a goldfish.  
By the time you watched those fishes swim, they grew on you and you were glad that you were able to make Makoto happy. 

“Hey… [Name]-chan?”, you tried to look for the other boys but you weren’t able to find them. And since it has been a long day for you, Makoto suggested to sit down on a bench which was aside from all the noisy people. It was a little darker there but, since Makoto was with you, you didn’t mind. Just like when you were with nagisa, you felt safe. The stars looked so bright, just as bright as those you saw when you spent the night in that rest house.  
You remembered that you wanted Rin to be with you, too. You wanted to show him that sight, too.  
“Hm?”, Makoto had dragged you down to reality when he called your name and sat down next to you.  
“Can I… ask you something?”, he held tightly onto that plastic back and, even though it was a little dark, you could see that he was lost in thoughts just by looking at his profile.  
Really… that boy’s profile was just too beautiful.  
“Sure.”  
It took him some time to say something. You could hear him breathe in deeply, in an attempt to part his lips, but he was way too scared to actually do it.  
“Tachiba-…”, you wanted to tell him that he could tell you whatever was on his mind. That you wouldn’t judge him for anything. However, he interrupted you, all of a sudden, looking at you with that look…  
It was the look of a hurt man.  
He frowned, his cheeks were slightly red and it seemed like exposing his heart to you hurt so badly.  
“Can’t you stop calling me that?”  
_Hm…?_ , you blinked a few times to show your confusion and tilted your head. What was he saying? Why would he say that, all of a sudden? Was there something wrong with the way you called him?  
Makoto looked even more in pain when he watched you look at him like that. He felt like he was being stupid and that was why you weren’t able to understand him. He felt like his wish was way too dumb and absurd.  
The brunette male wasn’t able to look at your face any longer so he avoided your eyes by looking at the bag in his, usual, gentle hands. They seemed tensed at that moment and you hoped that he wouldn’t damage the plastic bag.  
“It’s…”, his jaw muscles tensed as he grit his teeth to bring himself to be honest.  
“It’s always just ‘Tachibana-kun’… while you call the others by their first name…”, his hands relaxed a little. Apparently he had noticed that the plastic bag was too fragile to withstand his strength.  
“It feels like you aren’t acknowledging me… like you don’t like me as much as the others.”  
_What…?_ , wasn’t that a little harsh? Accusing you of not acknowledging him… why would he say that?  
Wasn’t he the one who didn’t acknowledge you? He was the one who called Kou and her friend cute but ignored you completely, right?  
“No… I acknowledge you… you are important to me… just because I’m calling you by your lastname doesn’t mean that you are just _someone_ to me. I was waiting for your permission, to be honest…”  
Makoto looked at you, his green orbs watched you closely and it felt good. Because it felt like he wasn’t too shy or feeling too guilty to look at you anymore.  
“So that’s why…”, he smiled softly, again that Makoto-smile of his.  
“And I thought-…”, he chuckled at his stupidity for thinking that you might like the others more than him. But for you it wasn’t a laughing matter.  
“What about you? Are you acknowledging me? Or do you like Kou and her friend more than me?”, maybe it sounded a little harsher than intended and you felt bad for it. But at the same time you didn’t want to hold back. It hurt, being told that you’re not acknowledging a person for whose sake you had caught some fishes. For whose sake you had joined the club. For whose sake you’d do so much.  
“What…?”, your argument hit him hard and he looked at you, surprised.  
“You were the one who called Kou and her friend ‘cute’, right? But what about me? You didn’t say anything about the yukata or about the way I wear my hair or make-up… it’s not fair…”, you got carried away. You thought it wasn’t so bad if Makoto didn’t compliment you on your appearance. But you were wrong.  
You wanted to be complimented, too. You felt your eyes sting as you remembered that moment when no one of the boys would look at you. As if you turned to someone else just because you were dressed in a nice yukata. Like you weren’t you anymore.  
You looked down on your hands in your lap to avoid his eyes. But it was no use. He was able to see your unshed tears.  
“I’m sorry…”, you saw his big, warm hand coming closer to yours carefully.  
“I wanted to say something… but when I saw you, my throat started to hurt and my mind went blank… I’m sure that the others felt the same way as I did”, Makoto squeezed your hands gently and warmed them up for you.  
“Because you look really cute, [Name]…”, even though he blushed heavily at his own words, he smiled at you ever so lovingly, that your heart melted. He even stopped calling you ‘-chan’, which made him feel a little closer than before.  
“I’m sorry if I made you feel uneasy…”, you knew that he felt bad so you wanted to apologize, too, for making him feel like that.  
“No… it’s okay… I’m glad we could talk about it…”, his green orbs sparkled with delight as he looked at you, probably the only person who could make him feel this way.  
You smiled again and your cheeks flushed a little, when you said:  
“Yeah… me too… Makoto”  
The brunette male couldn’t help but bite on his tongue to prevent himself from sighing or making any other, relieved noises.  
Maybe asking you to call him by his first name was a bad idea after all… You had much more power over him like that. 

 

He shouldn’t have left.  
But who could have known that it would turn out like this.  
“So you _are_ all alone, aren’t you?”, you didn’t know those two guys. At first you thought that they were those from Samezuka who had molested you the other day when Rin had saved you. But you were wrong. Those were some other guys you didn’t know. Maybe they were tourists who came just to see the festival.  
“No”, you repeated for the fifth time already but, since Makoto wasn’t coming back, they wouldn’t believe you.  
When he had told you to wait for him while he gets some drinks for the two of you, you thought that it wouldn’t be a bad idea. That nothing would happen.  
However, those guys had found you, sitting all by yourself on that bench, dressed in that nice yukata and approached you with the ‘Well, well’-grin on their face.  
You felt uncomfortable and scared, so scared.  
Your heart raced and you felt your palms start to sweat. It was hard to breathe and you felt like you could do absolutely nothing to protect yourself. Even if you would run away, they were too close to let you leave. Why haven’t you noticed them? If you would have noticed their awkward behavior, you would have been able to get away. But now…  
Everything would be in vain and they would end up punishing you for putting up a fight. You felt like crying.  
You wanted to call out for someone but their hands were close so they could cover your mouth anytime.  
As long as you wouldn’t move abruptly or do something stupid, they wouldn’t hurt you. Or that’s what you thought.  
“I wonder what you’re wearing under that yukata of yours, hm~”, one of them reached his hand out for you. You wanted to slap his hand away, however, the other male grabbed your hand along with the other, dragged you to your feet and twisted your arms behind your back which caused you to whine at the pain.  
“You shouldn’t put up a fight. Or do you want to get hurt so badly?”, the man behind you leaned forward so he could whisper those words into your ear. He smelled of alcohol and tobacco. You felt like throwing up.  
“If you want to get hurt… I can hurt you, you know… I can hurt you a lot…”, you hated yourself for trembling in fear because of his words. You didn’t want them to see your fear but you couldn’t help it. You were too weak to defend yourself against two cowards like them and you knew how it would end.  
_I don’t want that… please…_ , the other man was walking towards you and when he stood close enough he lifted his hand to touch your chin. You clenched your eyes shut in disgust and tried to turn your face away from him but his grip was too strong. It hurt way too much.  
“You’re cu-…”  
“ **Don’t touch her**!!”, all of a sudden you heard a familiar voice growl those words as someone grabbed that one guy by his collar and pulled him away from you. That guy fell to the ground, just like that.  
“Wh-What..?!”, that guy behind you was as shocked as you, however, when you finally recognized that man who came to help you, you threw your head back and hit the stranger’s nose. It made an eerie sound but the adrenaline inside you was keeping you way too busy to bother.  
The man yelped at the pain, let go of you to hold his bleeding nose and stumbled back.  
“Let’s run!”, the boy took the opportunity to grab your hand and ran away with you as fast as he could.  
Anywhere was fine. Just away from those guys, from anyone who could hurt you.  
If he was honest, he wanted to beat them up. But he figured that he wasn’t able to fight two men and he didn’t know what would happen to you if he did. So running away was the best option to keep you safe.  
Rin took you away from the festival, towards the street which was only illuminated by the street lanterns. But you felt safe. Because Rin was holding onto your hand so tightly.  
When he thought that you were safe, he stopped running and let you rest for a little. You panted quite heavily because that yukata wasn’t really much of a help and because of your asthma, but you were fine. You paid more attention to Rin than your asthma.  
“Rin!!”, you sobbed a little as you called the maroon-haired male’s name. You were so happy to see him, there were no words so you tried to show him your gratitude by looking at him. But you had no idea what kind of feelings you triggered inside of him.  
“What were you thinking?! Sitting around in a place like this!”, he immediately started scolding you but never let go of your hand. He even squeezed it more.  
“I wasn’t alone! Tachi-… Makoto wanted to get us some drinks and then those guys appeared suddenly!”, you didn’t feel like you had to defend yourself because Rin’s words didn’t feel like a proper accusation. He had been worried to death.  
You knew that.  
“With Makoto? That idiot!”, he spat and it felt like he was more mad at himself for not being there with you. Even though he didn’t seem angry but scared and worried, you felt bad and wanted to calm him down.  
“Rin… nothing happened. I’m fine and you are fine, too. Isn’t that the main thing?”, you squeezed his hand, too, to show him that you were with him. That you were completely fine.  
It was only then when he noticed that he was still holding your hand. Realizing that, his face flushed all of a sudden and he let go of your hand immediately and avoided your eyes.  
“Sorry…”, his voice was low and it seemed like he didn’t want you to hear that. At the same time he wanted you to know what he was saying.  
Since he was embarrassed, he started to rub his neck again, as always. But embarrassment wasn’t the only thing he felt.  
He felt so guilty, he wasn’t even able to look at anything but the ground.  
“I… I didn’t want you to make that kind of experience… I didn’t want you to see that kind of side of men…”, seeing him like that was painful. Why was he feeling so guilty? It wasn’t his fault.  
“No… it’s not the side of ‘men’… it was _their_ side. It was _their_ disgusting face… not that of every man. And don’t apologize… you saved me… again. You did nothing wrong… neither did Makoto. It's their fault.”  
His red orbs looked at you and you thought to see gratitude in them. Kindness, too.  
“Are you scared?”, you didn’t know what he meant. Scared of men? Scared in general?  
“No”, because you knew that you weren’t alone. Haru, Makoto, Nagisa, Rei, Rin, Ai, Sei, your aunty, Kou and Nana were there for you to catch you. You’ll be fine.  
Rin sighed in relief. It wasn’t that easy, acting as if nothing had happened. But you didn’t have to do so. Your friends will help you out to mend your wounds.  
“Can you… come with me for a sec, then?”, again he avoided your eyes. Not because of guilty feelings but because of embarrassment. You liked that Rin way more.  
“Yeah…”  
He knew why he wanted you to come along and not Ai. Because your smile never fails to heal his wounds.  
“Ah, but I have to send Makoto a mail first”  
He only wished this smile would belong to him only. 

Rin took you to a place which was even darker than the lively street but you didn’t mind. He was with you and, even though he kept silent the whole time, you felt at ease. He had changed. He wasn’t the Rin you had met and he was becoming his true self gradually. Even if it was only towards you, you knew that he’d be able to be with his friends again soon.  
You walked along a fence which parted the street from the elementary school.  
The Iwatobi Elementary School. You knew that building even though it looked differently at night.  
“That school… I was a student there when I was little”, Rin stopped walking and listened to you carefully. He already knew that you grew up in Iwatobi.  
“Me, too… for one year only, though”, he said and looked at the huge tree. It was a cherry tree. You remembered how pretty it looked when its leaves were all pink. They were all green already, though.  
_Really? Did we miss each other?_ , you asked yourself, slightly disappointed that you weren’t able to meet him sooner.  
Rin simply looked at the distance and seemed to remember something. His past here, when he was still a student of Iwatobi’s elementary school with Haru and the other’s.  
“I transferred school… for a guy called Haru… ended up swimming a relay with the guys…”, there was a pool right next to the tree and you couldn’t help but remember all the times you had practiced.  
“That feeling I had back then…”, the more he said the sadder he sounded. Rin seemed so frail at that moment, you didn’t even dare to say a word. It seemed like he’d break just from your touch.  
He remembered the relay he had been swimming with the guys and the feeling he had. It looked so painful when he clutched the textile of his chest and the fence which gave a cold sound in response. It seemed like Rin was reaching out for that pool on the other side. As if he wanted to reach out for those memories he had.  
But, even though he remembered all that, he hasn’t forgotten about you. That’s why he wanted you to come with him. He exposed his heart to you. His thoughts and his feelings. And you wanted to see every single bit of it. You wanted to accept him just the way he is and show him that you’d always catch him, no matter how often he falls.  
“I told them… that I’d show them a sight they only see if we’d swim together…”, his voice trembled and you couldn’t stand it any longer. You had to do something.  
So you put your hand on his ever so tenderly.  
“But why… are you pushing them away if you aren’t able to see that sight without them…?”, you whispered those words gently, not accusing him, not blaming him for anything. You just wanted him to notice that contradiction within his chest. You wanted him to give in to the feeling and accept the fact that he needed those boys to see that sight.  
But Rin probably knew best how contradictory it was. Even so, there was no answer.  
He grid his teeth and let go of the fence all of a sudden. You thought that he was angry at you for saying those things.  
But he wasn’t.  
Rin had pushed you against the fence without hurting you and hugged you with all the strength he had. That memory of the relay was all blurry and it felt like it was vanishing. It was fading.  
You were the only one who was still clear to him.  
His embrace hurt a little, it was hard to breathe, but you endured it.  
Rin’s body was trembling as he buried his face in the crook of your neck and touched it with his lips at first, then pressed his closed eyes onto your skin. You could feel that your skin got wet gradually.  
Rin was crying silently while clutching the textile of your yukata.  
You couldn’t imagine what was going on inside of him. But you wanted to help him anyway. You wanted him to notice that his friends are important and that they still adore him. They aren’t throwing him away.  
You leaned your head back so it touched the fence and you looked at the starry sky. Somewhere far away there is the tomorrow, the tournament. The boys weren’t sure whether they’d swim the relay yet but you hoped they will.  
Rin’s breathe shook as you stroke the back of his head, massaging it gently.  
“Take your time…”, you said softly.  
“You don’t have to be ready to go back right away… come whenever you are ready. We’ll be waiting, Rin…”, he pressed his body closer on yours.  
Even though he knew that you’ll always be there he didn’t want to let go of you.  
He felt like something inside him would break if he’d let you go.  
While someone who was watching the two of you felt like something was breaking inside of him _because_ Rin held you so close to him. 

 

“I’ll go back”, Rin simply said after he parted from you. His eyes were slightly red but no one would notice.  
“Okay…”, you smiled gently at him to show him that you’d be alright.  
“Don’t give me that smile. I take you back”, but that was a no go since you didn’t want Haru and Rin to meet. Even though Rin probably already knew that Haru and the others were there.  
Luckily your phone started to vibrate in the small bag you had carried with you.  
It was a message from Nana.  
“Ah… No I’ll be fine, Nana’s going to pick me up! So hurry back! And greet Nitori-kun and Momotarou-senpai from me, okay?”  
Rin sighed at your behavior but figured that you’d be alright if he’d wait for Nana to reach this place. 

“What is that guy doing here?”, Nana glared at Rin and Rin returned that look. He knew that she was still mad at him for hurting you and he deserved it. At least that’s what he thought.  
“See you”, he said and as he walked past you, his fingers touched yours gently. The touch made your heart skip a beat but you tried to ignore it because Nana was right next to you.  
“Urgh… I can’t stand that guy…”, she complained after he was gone, put an arm around your shoulder and lead you towards the sea.  
It was pretty dark out there so it was scary but since Nana was close to you you were able to bear with it.  
“He’s not that bad…”, you said, lost in thoughts as you remembered the way he had trembled when he had embraced you.  
“Yeah, of course”, she groaned but kept silent after that.  
Nana didn’t say a word while she walked you to the beach, which was strange. It wasn’t like Nana to be quiet so you figured that something was wrong. Something was bothering her.  
But she didn’t speak until she stopped walking.  
You looked at the dark, calm sea and couldn’t help but remember that time when the storm was raging and Rei had been in such great danger. Your heart hurt every time you thought about it but the thought of him, writing you messages and calling you to tell you that he was alright made you feel at ease. He was still with you. Just like anyone else even though you have come so far.  
Or especially because you have come so far.  
You turned towards Nana, who just stood there. She wasn’t even dressed in a yukata so you figured that she wasn’t interested in the festival but in meeting you.  
“You know…”, as if she had noticed that she was making you feel slightly uncomfortable, she started talking.  
The wind brushed through your hair gently and the sounds of the sea reached your ears. It seemed so soothing but frightening at the same time just like Nana's voice.  
“I didn’t want you to join the club… because I was blaming Nanase for that accident that had happened. I thought that you’d be better off without any memories of him… and I figured that you’d come to remember some things if you join the club…”, it was quite shocking to hear that but you knew that there was way more than just that so you kept quiet.  
“And I’m sure Nanase thought so, too. That’s why he didn’t want you to join. I didn’t want you to get involved with those guys… because they were pressuring you even if they didn’t mean to… entrusting that Matsuoka-guy to you while forcing you to swim… it didn’t seem right to me… and then when you spent less time with me, I noticed it.”  
Nana looked at the dark horizon even though there wasn’t much to be seen.  
“I thought my feelings would change if I’d fall in love with someone… so I wanted you to hook me up with Tachibana-senpai. But nothing has changed…”, you weren’t quite sure what she was talking about so you tilted your head.  
“Nana… what-…”  
“I love you”  
“Wha-…”, your heart skipped a beat at her sudden words and you weren’t sure how to react. You didn’t know what kind of meaning those words had. Was she talking about friendship? Or something different?  
“I love you. It took me some time to notice that… but I figured that I didn’t want those boys to take you away from me… it wasn’t the jealousy of a friend. It was the jealousy of a lover. The thought of them getting closer to you, that someone might kiss you or touch you… it enraged me. But I didn’t want you to know. I’m scared that you might hate me… so I forced myself to fall in love with someone like Tachibana-senpai, hoping I might be bisexual… But it was no use…”  
Nana looked at you you in the exact same moment you hoped she wouldn’t look. Because your cheeks were flushed and you were completely speechless.  
Your childhood friend, Nana, was in love with you.  
“Hey…”, she chuckled at the face you were making.  
“Say something…”  
You choked your embarrassment down in order to answer. Not saying anything was rude after all.  
“U-Uhm… n-no! I mean, no, why would you think that I would hate you?”  
“I thought you’d say that…”, Nana smiled at you gently before turning towards the sea again.  
“Knowing that I love you, I decided to move with my father to Tokyo. I won’t bother you with my feelings”  
Why would she say such lonely things?  
“But… Nana, you aren’t a bother…”  
“I know… but I can’t live near you without receiving your love. If you are able to love me one day, I’ll wait. But not near you… I’m not that strong”  
You felt your eyes sting because of the helplessness you felt.  
Why can’t it be easy to love someone on demand?  
“I came to tell you that. I will leave Iwatobi but I’ll keep in touch with you. So, please…  
... let me go”

You panted slightly as you took the stairs to the platform on which everyone was waiting for you. You were able to see the beach and the city being illuminated by the lanterns from said platform. It looked so beautiful and knowing that everything would be gone tomorrow made it even more beautiful.  
As you reached the platform you saw the boys waiting for you. When they saw you, their eyes started to shine and they rushed towards you.  
“Haru-chan is going to swim the relay with us!”  
Your heart skipped a beat at that. Finally they were able to show Rin what he was looking for.  
“Really?!”, you exclaimed, looking at Haru who returned your look ever so gently.  
“Yes. And we’ll swim together”  
Even though you knew that you weren’t a part of that ‘together’ directly, you felt happy because you were able to be with them.  
When Nana had walked away just like that, you thought that you were useless. That you weren’t able to do a thing. But that wasn’t true. Nana had walked away _because_ you are able to do something and she knew that. She probably would have stayed in Iwatobi if you would have kept her from going.  
You were able to do something even if you were a bystander only.  
“One more thing…”, Haru said with a gentle voice as he showed everyone a plastic bag.  
There were four goldfishes inside which were obviously for Makoto.  
“Eh? For me?”  
“Yeah”, you didn’t know what exactly had happened but Haru seemed like another man. No. He seemed like the man he really is. Probably because he knew that he couldn’t run away from Rin and let his friends keep him away from the maroon-haired male.  
“Uhm… so the fishes [Name] caught me have some company”, Makoto laughed sheepishly and looked at you. Apparently he hasn’t told the others that you had caught some for him already.  
“Oh! That way [Name]-chan can be part of our team, too! Since Haru-chan only got four, we were kinda disappointed because they weren’t enough for every one of us. But it seems like it’s fine now!”, Nagisa cheered, hugging you dearly as he thought of the goldfishes as the 'Iwatobi-team'.  
You looked at Haru, asking him whether he really had been disappointed for only catching four. By the way he avoided your eyes while blushing you figured that it was true.  
It almost hurt when you thought about how much you are being loved. 

 

“Listen, [Name] will be home soon. If you don’t want her to see you, you should use my room now”, when you entered your home you were close to calling ‘I’m home’, however, aunty’s voice had kept you from doing so.  
She was talking to someone.  
“Or… do you want her to see you while not wanting to be seen by her? Seriously…”, you could hear her sigh and she seemed to be bothered by something.  
“I’m sorry for bothering you like that…”  
_Wait…_  
You knew that voice.  
You knew it.  
But it was neither the voice of the Samezuka boy’s nor that one of the Iwatobi boy’s. It wasn’t Kou’s or Nana’s either. No.  
It was someone who hasn’t been here for a while.  
Even though you knew who it was and even though you absolutely didn’t want to meet him, you couldn’t help your heart from racing with anticipation and your feet from rushing towards the living room.

 

There he was, sitting on the sofa, next to your aunt.  
He hasn’t changed at all in one year.  
His dark-brown hair was all the same just like the way he looks at you with those dull, blue eyes. 

 

 

“Sou… Sousuke…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes! I finally finished it!! It took me some time but it’s way longer because it’s some kind of special which belongs to the main plot.  
> So, a lot happened in this chapter and that’s fine because everyone had to play their part <3  
> AND  
> Sousuke made his first appearance! HELL YEAH FINALLY!!  
> Anyway, I don’t know, I ran out of ideas so I’ll leave it at that xDD  
> Thank you for being so patient with me and reading my story! Please, fell free to leave some comments, I always love reading them!  
> Stay safe and take care, see you in the next chapter <3


	27. He, coming back to you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Since your asthma got worse gradually in Tokyo, you returned to Iwatobi, your hometown and started living with your aunt.  
> Sports was always something you weren't able to enjoy. And being afraid of the water, swimming was never an option.  
> When you meet the swimming boys, you couldn't help but think of them as hot and unapproachable. However, you soon get dragged into their business and become the most important person to them.  
> A person who'd not only see the water's surface but beneath it
> 
> (Re-upload, coming from Quotev)

_The prefectural tournament… it’s today…_ , that was the thought you had first thing in the morning. It wasn’t quite the way you wanted to wake up. But your nerves didn’t care about what you want.  
You woke up an hour before the time you had set the alarm clock and decided to turn it off right away. You wouldn’t be able to continue sleeping anyway.  
Tiredly you sat up, yawning and rubbing your eyes. You haven’t slept much.  
It got pretty late yesterday because you argued with Sousuke, asking him what he was doing in Iwatobi and why the hell your aunty had offered him a shelter for a few days. It turned out that he wanted to see the tournament. He didn’t say why, though.  
Well, summer break was just around the corner so there wouldn’t be a problem with Sousuke sleeping over.  
_Wow… time went by so fast… Have I really been practicing for so long already?_  
After sitting up, your eyes immediately searched for the huge form of the dark-haired male. Since your aunty’s house doesn’t have a guest room he had to sleep in your room.  
The way he laid on the futon on the ground, sleeping on his back while his head was turned towards your bed as if he wanted to see you, everything about that made you feel sick and angry.  
Whenever you see his face you remember how badly he had treated you.  
You went to the same high school as Sousuke and basically were his best buddy when you were in Tokyo. Everyone thought of you as either a couple or twins. However, after some time he started acting strangely. He was obviously keeping secrets from you, avoiding you and it was hard to keep in contact with him even though you were classmates. Not wanting to lose him, you tried to be more provocative. You asked him to go out with you and your friends, to spend time with you, since you were his _childhoodfriend_. You wanted to distract him from whatever was going on inside his mind, he didn’t talk to you about what was bothering him so you thought distracting him was a good idea.  
That way he met up with you, but one day he snapped in front of your classmates.  
_‘Why the hell can’t you understand that I don’t want to be with you?!’_  
_‘I don’t need that kind of attitude… piss off!!’_  
When he had said those words, you started hating the person who used to be one of your closest friends. It felt so painful, hating him like that, so you tried to understand him and like him again.  
But he was avoiding you and shoving you away whenever you tried to keep in contact.  
So you figured that your effort was in vain and, since he didn’t put some effort in that friendship himself, you didn’t want to waste your energy by being the only one who cares about that relationship.  
You never wanted to see him again.  
And yet there he was, laying in the futon next to your bed, sleeping soundly like nothing had happened.  
When you saw him yesterday sitting in the living room you shot him a glare while your heart was being torn between happiness and sadness. You immediately went to your room, while being followed by your aunt who told you that she was the one who allowed Sousuke to sleep over for a few days.  
You didn’t speak to her after that.  
_Maybe I should kick him…_ , but you didn’t do that. Sousuke was on the bottom already and you shouldn’t hit people who can’t get up. There was no way he’d ever come back up to you. Or that’s what you thought.  
You figured that the tournament was more important than Sousuke and stretched yourself a little to shake the sleepiness off of your limbs. It was a little hard but you managed to get out of bed without kicking Sousuke and you left the room as soon as possible, not wanting him to see you leaving.  
“Good morning, honey”, your aunty said as she sat on the dining table in the kitchen with a sad smile. A lot of things were on her mind. Your parents wanted you to come back to Tokyo, Sousuke was hurting you with his presence alone and the Iwatobi boys and Rin had dug their way into your heart and held onto it, squeezing it until it started to hurt.  
She talked to you even though you haven’t talked to her yesterday evening. She really wanted you to forgive her and was searching for your affection.  
“He has a lot to tell you… and it’s important that you listen to what he has to say, okay?”, she looked at you while handing you a plate with ham and eggs.  
“I’m not sure whether I want to hear what he has to say”, you said while starting to eat your breakfast. Even though you sounded pretty harsh, she was happy about every word you said. Being ignored by you was the last thing she wished for.  
“I know… many shitty things happen… but most of them happen for a reason… and Sousuke had his reasons… so, please, let him talk to you. He also came to Iwatobi for that purpose.”  
You looked up from your eggs into her eyes, a serious and exhausted expression on your face. You were sick of Sousuke’s shit. There had been too many opportunities to tell you the things he had to say already and he decided to not take a chance.  
“Fine”, but you had missed him. You were glad that Iwatobi was able to keep you busy enough so you wouldn’t think too much about the time you had spent with your childhood friend. Even though he had hurt you so badly, you liked him so much.  
_I just wished it was easy, hating those who hurt me_  
“But I’m going to take care of the tournament first. He has to wait”  
Your aunt laughed a little under her breath. She seemed relieved about you, giving Sousuke another chance. Because she knew how much you adored him and fighting that love you felt towards your friend would hurt you even more.  
“I’m sure he-…”  
“Thanks… [Name]”, even though you knew whose voice it was and even though you didn’t want to see him, you immediately turned towards Sousuke, who stood in the doorframe. On reflex.  
He was giving you his gentle look, telling you that he would accept any punishment from you, which made you feel even worse.  
“Your phone vibrated quite often”, he walked towards you while justifying why he was here. His big hand handed you your phone and you tried hard not to touch his skin while taking it. That’s how much you wanted to avoid him.  
You got some messages from the boys, telling you that they would pick you up and one from Rin who wished you a good morning and asked you whether you could meet him before the tournament would start.  
Again, you had to choose between the guys. Meeting Rin would be the best choice since you’d be with the others the whole time, right?  
You didn’t know anymore which the right choice was. Or if there even was a right choice.  
Even so, you decided on meeting Rin and walked back upstairs to get ready.  
You packed your bag, putting your swimsuit, googles, the cap, your inhaler, a bottle of water and a towel in before putting your Iwatobi Swim Club uniform on.  
You had checked your stuff many times, wondered whether you forgot something because you felt like something was missing. So you looked around your room, searching for something you might have left somewhere. When your eyes stopped at your school bag you knew what was missing.  
The anemone fish looked right back at you and begged you to take it with you. Actually, it felt like you would feel incomplete without it. Like you would lose without it. So you took it off of your schoolbag and put it on your sports bag.  
But even with that anemone fish and even though your aunt told you that she’d come cheer for you, you felt nervous, like you were close to snapping like a taut threat. 

 

Was there a reason to feel uncomfortable? Yeah. The tournament. But you felt uneasy because Rin had taken you to a place on a small hill. There was only one way which lead to it and it seemed pretty narrow so you felt a little scared while walking that hill up.  
You couldn’t help but look down to the sea which glittered in the sunlight of the morning sun and the wind smelled like the sea and sunshine. It looked so beautiful that it made you forget about the tournament, the thing with Sousuke, the thing with Rin and the boys.  
You were forgetting about the narrow way, too, so you actually stumbled over a rock which lay on the side of the way. However, before you could even react with a yelp, you felt an arm around your waist which helped you regain your balance again.  
“Careful, you”, Rin scolded you a little but it was obvious that he wasn’t mad. He was worried.  
You noticed that Rin didn’t mean anything he said in a bad way. He said horrible things because he was hurt and lost but he actually was a pretty gentle guy. There was no one as sensitive as Rin.  
He was pretty fast at catching you so you figured that he had some opportunities to practice. Maybe Kou stumbled a lot and, being the big brother Rin is, he saved her many times. It was funny how the impression you had had of Rin had changed. At first, you didn't think that he was a good big brother. But now you know that he was. “S-Sorry…”, you felt slightly embarrassed for stumbling like that but kept on walking nevertheless.  
After walking for a little you noticed that you passed some gravestones and you felt like you knew where Rin was taking you.  
And you were right.  
Rin stopped in front of one gravestones of many and kept silent because you knew you could read. You saw the name ‘Matsuoka’ on the stone and figured that this must have been the grave of his father. However, you weren’t sure why he wanted you to come along.  
The wind got slightly stronger and messed with Rin’s hair in a way that made your heart skip a beat. He looked so peaceful yet so bothered at the same time.  
“Hey, dad. I brought someone along, this time”, he obviously wanted to tell you some important things but wasn’t able to do so because of the embarrassment he felt so he told his father about you.  
“She’s an idiot and not really good at swimming…”, you glared at him for that and you thought to see a gentle smile on his lips. He knew that you were glaring at him even though he didn’t see it himself.  
“… but she’s trying hard and improves gradually. Well, that’s not the reason I wanted to introduce her to you, though”, he closed his eyes as he prepared himself to say some pretty embarrassing and romantic stuff. Rin even had to choke his pride down and his Adam’s apple moved as he did so.  
“She tries hard to help others out… she’s trying hard to help _me_ out. She takes care of me and, even though I’m not so sure whether I make the right choices, she’s always with me. Making friends with her actually might have been the best choice I made since forever.”  
Hearing that, you knew that Rin was close to realizing what swimming really means to him and who he wanted to share his feelings with. You somehow knew that everything will turn out fine as long as he’d see the boys swim a relay. That would be the last step to save Rin.  
He bumped the stone gently with his fist and closed his eyes again. It seemed like he was sending some thoughts to his father before he opened his eyes again.  
“I’ll be fine, dad.”

“[Name]-chan!!! You’re pretty late!!”, Nagisa scolded you as you ran towards the grounding on which the tournament took place.  
“Sorry”, you panted a little and laughed under your breath due to the embarrassment you felt for making them wait like that. You couldn’t tell them that you had met up with Rin, right?  
“I’m glad you made it, [Name]”, Makoto greeted you with a gentle smile while Nagisa was still glaring at you a little while he hugged you from behind.  
“’morning”, was what Haru had said while blushing slightly. Of course he hid it by avoiding your eyes.  
“Good morning, [Name]-senpai”, Rei had greeted you with a shy smile but it didn’t seem as lively as usual. There were dark circles under his eyes and it was obvious that he didn’t get much sleep. Surely because of his nervousness and you were glad that you weren’t the only one whose heart was racing ever since you got out of bed. It felt horrible but thrilling at the same time.  
You wanted to get it over with as soon as possible. 

When you entered the building hot and sticky air hit you. It smelled of sweat and even a little of chlorine and it almost seemed like the air around you was as tensed up as you were. Like the atmosphere wanted to tell you that you shouldn’t take the tournament lightly. You felt pressured.  
You watched men and women warm up in separated rooms and couldn’t help but gulp. They looked like professionals. Compared to them you looked like a puppy.  
_What the hell am I doing here…?_  
“It’s been a long time since we’ve been in this atmosphere”, Nagisa cheered and it seemed like the atmosphere was firing him up. Like ‘Everyone is doing their best, I won’t fall back, though’. Well, they probably were used to that kind of thing, considering that they had won a relay with Rin when they were kids.  
You were so tensed up, you almost yelped in shock when you felt someone tug on your sleeve gently. You looked at your arm to see that Rei was so nervous, he grabbed your sleeve on reflex, obviously searching help. Unfortunately you felt as nervous as he did. 

After locking your shoes and bag in the female’s locker room you met up with the boys again outside. However, since you were able to see the pool from the stand, you couldn’t help but focus all your attention on it.  
_I have to swim… in that?_ , an unknown pool, unknown people. You felt your stomach curl and sting in protest, you felt goosebumps all over your body and there was a cold feeling in your mouth.  
_Uh-oh… I feel sick…_  
“The program for the first day…”, since when was Kou there? Why haven’t you noticed that she was waiting for you outside?  
“They’re starting with the free in the morning… the women will start…”  
_What…?!_ , you had to start? Why? No way!!  
Kou’s red orbs looked at you and you felt like she could see your uneasiness. Like she could see everything of you. You thought to see sympathy in her eyes as she looked at you.  
“[Name]-senpai… are you alright…?”, she asked, even though she knew the answer.  
Your body trembled for a second and you had to press our hand over your mouth to prevent yourself from making a mess. Maybe it was because of her eyes but you felt like Rin was watching you, expecting a good time of you.  
“S-Sorry… I-I need to use the restroom”

_I can’t do this. I can’t do this… I can’t do this…_ , your mind repeated those words on its own as you run down the hallway, searching for the toilet. When you saw the sign which showed you the way you felt relief but it wasn’t enough to soothe your stomach.  
You pushed the door open while hoping no one was inside who could hear you.  
You rushed into the first cabin, managed to lock the door somehow before allowing your knees to let you down on the floor in front of the toilet bowl.  
The feeling of your stomach contents crawling its way up your esophagus was horrible and it made your eyes tear up. It burnt and hurt and you even shed some tears as the nervousness got full control over your body.  
After a little while there was nothing left of you but a panting and sobbing mess. You didn’t know why you were here. You didn’t belong here. You had asthma and were afraid of water.  
You didn’t belong here.  
Wait. No.  
That was the former you. You weren’t like that anymore. You weren’t scared anymore, at least, not that badly. But why were you trembling like that?  
_What if I end up disappointing them? Do they have any expectations in me?_ , they haven’t talked much about the tournament and their expectations so you automatically thought that winning was priority.  
“Hah… fuck…”, you forced your shaking legs to carry you to the sink so you were able to look at the pale girl you have become. There were dark circles under your eyes and some wet traces remained on your cheeks and lips.  
You washed your face with some cold water and rinsed your mouth to get rid of the bitter and sour taste.  
_Maybe I shouldn’t be here… but even so… I’m here now… that’s a fact. Make the most of it, me_ , when you thought that you were ready to get back in the race you opened the door to the female’s restroom just to hit some huge guy with it.  
“Ah… [Name]-kun!!”, why was he calling you ‘kun’? Well, he had called you like that many times but you still didn’t like it.  
“Senpai…”, you shot Seijuurou a weak smile in response of his grin. He obviously was happy to see you and wanted to give you a strong hug, however, he soon noticed that something was wrong. Well, he was the Samezuka Swim Club’s captain after all, no wonder he was sharp.  
“What’s wrong…?”, he frowned a little and got pretty serious as soon as he noticed that something was off.  
“Feeling nervous?”, Seijuurou had seen the face you had made at that moment pretty often, probably. You nodded at his words and avoided his eyes. You didn’t want to look at him while he saw you in that condition. It was embarrassing and humiliating.  
“I know… tournaments are a big deal and stuff… but don’t let yourself get dragged down. Just swim the way you always do”, you really wanted to do that but it wasn’t that easy now, was it? Maybe it was easy for Seijuurou who basically grew up competing with others.  
He probably noticed that you felt way too nervous for those rational words because he laughed a little at himself.  
“What am I saying… you’re too nervous to listen to my words now, right?”, he put his huge hand on your head and stroke it gently.  
“You know… on my very first tournament I almost peed myself. It was close but I made it to the restroom, somehow”, even though he told you that embarrassing story he seemed like he was proud of something. Which was funny in a weird way.  
“But, the truth is: You don’t have to be nervous. Because you don’t even have to win”, you frowned at his words and couldn’t help but look up at him like he was a complete idiot.  
“But… isn’t the tournament all about winning?”  
Seijuurou smiled gently at you as if he was remembered of his former self.  
“It’s also about having fun. There is no victory without fun, you know? Plus… You can’t expect for you to win right away. This is your first tournament. If you ask me, you are already a winner as soon as you step on that starting block”, he was right and you knew that somehow. Winning doesn’t mean pressuring yourself until you reach the finish line before anyone else does. It means making yourself and your loved ones proud. Which wasn’t easy to achieve either.  
Your mind got dizzy when you thought about making the boys proud. Was that even possible?  
“Whoa there!”, Seijuurou was fast enough to keep you from falling to the ground by grabbing your arm gently.  
“Are you okay?”, Seijuurous strict expression was gone completely and was replaced by a worried frown. It seemed like he didn’t want you to compete but at the same time he wanted you to go as far as you could go. But then, this might have been your limit.  
“Are you sure you can compete?”, you had been wondering about that yourself. Maybe swimming and all that tournament-stuff wasn’t your thing. Maybe all you could do was stay friends with those boys without swimming with them.  
“Yes”, no, you had to compete. You had to swim with them. You gave Rin and the other boys your word after all.  
The captain sighed as he figured that there was nothing that could keep you from swimming. You loved those boys way too much to let yourself get stopped.  
“Alright… that’s the spirit!”, he smiled proudly at you, even though he wanted you to stop. He didn’t think that you’d be able to handle the consequences but he wouldn’t keep you from doing what you wanted to do, either.  
“Don’t forget: You are a winner already, to me, at least! If it’s you, you can take your friends anywhere!”

“Ladies and gentlemen. The tournament is about to start. The women who swim freestyle, please, get ready”, your heart jumped as you heard that voice coming from the speakers. You were the only woman remaining in the locker room, not because it took you so long to change but because you had to calm your thoughts.  
You looked at the anemone fish which dangled from your sports bag. It was smiling at you as if to cheer you up.  
_I can do it…_ , but your heart raced with fear nevertheless. There was no way to calm yourself down now, no return.  
You looked at the reflection in the mirror on your locker’s door. An exhausted, nervous and tensed girl looked back at you, the dark circles under her eyes were too obvious.  
But even so you couldn’t help but think about Haru, Makoto, Nagisa, Rei, Rin, Nana, Ai, Seijuurou, your aunty and even Sousuke. They were waiting for you to reach out for them.  
_I’ll be fine…_

The water looked so calm. There wasn’t even a breeze touching the surface. It looked so blue and calm, you could see the bottom of the pool as you stepped on the starting block and bend over to hold onto the block with your hands. You needed that.  
The starting block was the only steady thing which offered you the crutch you had been missing ever since you woke up. Your heart pounded within your chest and your googles fogged up a little because of the heat of your reddening skin.  
There were only seven women who raced you. But they seemed very professional and intimidating. Compared to them, the few months you had spent practicing seemed like nothing. It felt like all your efforts would be crushed by them. Like you would embarrass yourself, the Iwatobi Swim Club and your friends.  
You haven’t noticed that your breath started racing as your lungs demanded for air. All you noticed was that every bystander got silent all of a sudden as they saw the women get ready for their race. It might have been your imagination but you felt like everyone was staring at you.  
_It’s okay… we practiced it. Dive in as soon as the signal is given…_  
_**Beep**_  
As soon as you heard the signal, you dove into the water, keeping your form and breathing in mind. You didn’t really have a teacher but Makoto had kept an eye on your form every now and then and had told you what mistakes you made. Of course, Haru would have been a better teacher but he didn’t want to teach you. But you didn’t want to think about that, at the moment.  
You concentrated on the water which enveloped you completely. Starting from the finger tips to your hands and arms, to your head and feet. It felt refreshing and the sun felt pleasantly on your skin but you felt your hands tremble due to the nervousness which had a firm grip on your heart, dragging you down in the depth of fear. It was a pitch-black feeling.  
**”[Name]!!!**  
[Name]-chaaaaan!!!  
[Name]-senpai!!”  
It was only then, when you were on the verge of tears, that you heard to boys, Kou, your aunty and Coach Sasabe cheer for you. It seemed like your aunt and Sasabe were late but managed to come anyway. You thought that you were able to hear some barking, too. Sena-san and Mami were here, too. Ai and Seiijuurou were also cheering for you.  
**”Faster!!!”** , there were so many voices but you were still able to hear your friends clearly. With that, the pitch-black feeling changed into a bright light which showed you pictures of the present and the past.  
You, meeting the boys with the dubious shovel.  
You, meeting the maroon-haired boy who seemed like a thug but was a sweet crybaby in reality.  
You, joining the club and practicing.  
Rei, lost at sea.  
Makoto, holding your hand.  
Haru, smiling gently at you.  
Nagisa, rubbing his nose on yours.  
Nana, confessing to you.  
Sousuke, coming back to you.  
Rei, adoring you.  
And then there were memories, showing you how close you used to be to Haru. The way you used to hold his hand whenever you decided to go to the playground with him. The way he would dry your tears with his palm.  
More forgotten memories came to your mind. Like how you had been crying all alone on the playground at night, holding your dolphin key chain close to your chest because you didn’t want to leave Iwatobi. If it wasn’t for the young boy whose green eyes had looked so gently at you, you wouldn’t have stopped crying.  
_’Ah… that’s a cute key chain… is it from the Swim Club?’_  
_‘Yeah…’_  
_‘Amazing… I got an anemone fish. I wanted a dolphin, too, but there was none left…’_  
You remembered those green orbs which seemed so gentle but bothered and sad at the same time.  
_Then… if you want to, we can change_ , you didn’t want to see those sad eyes so you stopped crying and sniffled as you said those words Makoto would never forget. They were so important, yet you forgot them.  
It was Makoto who had given you that anemone fish.  
After feeling those pleasant memories about Haru and Makoto warm your chest, everything came naturally to you. The breathing, the form, the turn.  
With that you touched the wall and gasped for air as you pulled the cap and googles from your head to look at the results.  
_3 [Lastname] [Name]_  
Third place and you had improved your time by forty-five seconds.  
You haven’t won the first place but it sure felt like it. 

As soon as you were sure that no one could see you, you sprinted towards the women’s locker room to dry yourself and get changed. You opened the locker’s door and looked at the woman in the mirror. She looked tired but fired up, like she was the happiest person on earth. Compared to the one you saw before that race, she looked beautiful due to the confidence she felt.  
At first, it was hard to believe that said woman was you but you got used to it soon after and felt proud of yourself. 3rd place even though you just started swimming. That was unbelievable and you wanted to see the boy’s faces soon.  
So you ran out of the locker room as soon as you had your uniform on and searched for the way to the stand again.  
“Ah! [Name]-senpai!!”, you heard a familiar voice from behind you.  
“Nitori-kun!”, you turned around to look at the boy who had called out to you to see that he wasn’t alone. Rin was with him and he had a pretty proud grin on his lips, showing his shark-teeth.  
“Rin!”, you couldn’t help but rush towards them because of the euphoria you felt.  
“Did you see me swim?”, you asked them expectantly with bright eyes.  
“Of course”, Ai’s eyes were just as bright as yours and it seemed like he was as happy for you as he would be for himself.  
“It’s only the 3rd place, though”, you chuckled embarrassed, looking at Rin. It probably wasn’t enough to beat Rin or to ‘skunk’ him, just like you had promised but that didn’t matter.  
Rin was happy for you and it was obvious.  
“You did great, [Name]”, it seemed like something inside him had changed ever since yesterday’s festival.  
“When it’s our turn… cheer for us”, he walked past you, still smiling at you as if he wanted to show you something. However, he didn’t know that he had forced you into a corner by saying those words.  
Rin would race Haru.  
There was no way you could cheer for Rin only.  
You were glad that he didn’t wait for your answer.  
All you could do was watch his back and his figure distancing itself from you. 

“Hey, [Name]”, you almost reached the door which lead to the stand outside but you were stopped by another familiar voice.  
This time, he stood in a corner, leaning on the wall. He was expecting you.  
“Were you watching me?”, you said, trying to sound indifferent as you looked into his dull, blue eyes.  
“Yeah… it surprised me a little when your aunt told me about you, starting to swim… considering that you are afraid of the water… but seeing it myself now…”, Sousuke decided to stop talking and flashed you that famous smile of his. That gentle smile which made your stomach tingle with the affection you felt towards your childhood friend.  
No. You couldn’t forgive him just because he has a beautiful smile.  
“Well… people change”, was what you said as you turned your back on him.  
“Wait”, but he wouldn’t let you go.  
“You said you’d give me another chance… do you have some time to listen to what I have to say?”  
You turned towards him again, looking at him with a strange expression on your face. Maybe you felt sad. Maybe you looked forward to talking to him again.  
But maybe you just felt utterly betrayed.

“It’s the women’s turn who swim backstroke now, so we have some time until the others start”, the dark-haired male handed you a cola can as he sat down next to you on the bench in the hallway. He probably was talking about Haru and the others. He knew that you were with them and that they were dear to you. So, of course you wanted to see their races.  
But that wasn’t the thing he wanted to say and you knew that. It made you feel uncomfortable, knowing that he had a lot to tell you but wouldn’t start with anything.  
The can felt cold in your hand, the condensate water dripped down your fingers and the metal made a cold sound every time you dug your thumbnail into it.  
“I swim, too”, you flinched at his sudden, calm words and looked over your shoulder to look at him with widened eyes. He leaned on the wall, his eyes looking at you, calm as ever.  
You didn’t know that.  
“Since when?”, your voice shook slightly as you hoped that he had just started swimming, just like you.  
“Ever since I was a kid”, your heart clenched at that. Why didn’t you know about that? You were his childhood friend, why didn’t you notice any of that?  
“Why… haven’t you told me? No… why haven’t I noticed?”  
“I didn’t want you to know”, Sousuke said that with a calm face and you felt like hitting that calm face of his. Why wouldn’t he look at you apologetic, at least?  
“You were so scared of water, I thought you’d worry about me if you’d know, tell me that I should stop. I didn’t want that”, you felt a sad frown form on your face as you tried to hide the tears that formed in your eyes. Why didn’t he trust you? Why was he only thinking about you?  
“I wouldn’t have done that… and you know that…”, your voice sounded hoarse as you told him that, shaking your head a little.  
“Yeah… but I thought you would. After I overworked my shoulder, that is…”, he patted his right shoulder with his left hand and smiled absentmindedly at you as you tried to put the pieces together.  
“After Rin had left Iwatobi, I graduated on my own and went after you to study at the same high school. I wanted to swim professionally so I practiced hard until my shoulder crushed eventually”, why haven’t you noticed any of this? A single tear run down your cheek as you listened to him. You didn’t even try to hide it. You wanted him to know how you felt.  
“You know Rin?”, you had so many questions but that was the only one that would come out.  
“Yeah… he is my childhood friend, too. Well… I didn’t want you to meet him back then… he was pretty pushy and I didn’t know what he would talk you into”, he smiled a little and looked at you.  
Sousuke had always been taking care of you. That’s what you noticed. He didn’t push you away, he protected you.  
“I didn’t want you to know about my shoulder so I hid it. But it got only worse because of that. I went to rehab just to break down again. Rehab and break down. I wanted to talk to you about it but I didn't want to bother you”, he continued and his smile vanished. But his stare was so intense, you thought he could read your mind just by looking at you.  
“All those things left marks on my heart. I started to suffer from Depression. Rin wasn’t here. I didn’t want you, who suffered from asthma, to think about my pain, I felt lonely and useless. I didn’t want to get out of bed on some mornings. Sometimes I wished I would just sink into the sea”, the calmness of his eyes drove you crazy because you somehow knew that there was a raging storm of emotions hidden behind them.  
Your tears started falling uncontrollably and it was hard for you to hold your sobs in.  
“You started to wonder why I was so apathetic and tried to help me by asking me out… I couldn’t take it after some time and that incident happened”  
You’ve never seen Sousuke that angry and you were pretty scared back then, when he suddenly stood up from the table in the café and glared at you, telling you that you shouldn’t force him to go out with you. That he ‘doesn't needed that kind of attitude’.  
“I saw your scared face… and it was hunting me in my dreams… I figured that I should go slow and looked for a therapist. When I heard that you’d go back to Iwatobi again, I felt like time was running out. There was nothing I could do to stop you because I wasn’t able to help myself. Even if you would have stayed, how would I have been able to help and support you with all the problems you had?”, he raised his hand and stroke your cheek gently with his knuckles. Sousuke wasn’t sure whether you wanted him to touch him, that’s why he seemed hesitant.  
“So I decided to let you go…”, his hand sank back to his side and his lips trembled as he tried to smile again and you took his hand into yours. He had let go of you a year ago. You didn’t want him to let go of you, now that he’s here again.  
You led his hand to your cheek, then to your lips.  
“I wish you had told me…”, it was only a whisper but he could hear it clearly.  
“Me too. I didn’t want you to get hurt but ended up hurting you… you probably thought that I wouldn’t trust you… that I would hate you..,”, you clenched your eyes shut and nodded at his words because that was exactly the way you had been feeling.  
"And because of that incident, you felt emotional pressured and your asthma got worse, so you had to Iwatobi", so that was what aunty had been talking about. That 'he should tell you' about it. It wasn't the air in Tokyo but the emotional pressure. But that wasn't the thing you cared about. “I didn’t notice it… I’m so sorry…”, your voice cracked and you figured that you were at your limit. Your body shook with the sobs that escaped your throat and your tears wet your face and the back of his hand but he didn’t seem to care. Sousuke raised his other hand to stroke your head gently.  
“That’s because I didn’t want you to. Don’t blame yourself. I was an idiot and I am at fault, too”, he led you closer to him and put your head on his chest so he could console you the way he used to. It felt like an eternity and you wondered when it would be the boy’s turn to race but the speakers won’t speak to you so you figured that you could relax for some time.  
You felt his hand on your back, the other on your head, stroking you gently and soothingly as you clung onto his shirt and cried your eyes out. You felt like you were able to feel Sousuke’s pain. Which was, theoretically speaking, impossible because you won’t know how much he had been suffering.  
But still, it hurt so much.  
You probably only experienced a little from his pain but it hurt so badly, it made you wonder how much he had been in pain.  
His scent and warmth managed to calm you, eventually and you stopped crying after some time, breathing deeply in and out. You enjoyed the silent moment for some time because there had been so little silent and pleasant moments with him in the year that had past.  
“Is your Depression getting better?”, you then sniffled as you tried to keep your snot from dirtying his shirt.  
“Yeah… I spent the past year focusing on curing it… but those things don’t go away that easily”, which meant that he still might be depressive, even if it’s not as bad as before.  
You nodded at that as you listened to his calm and steady heartbeat.  
“Why did you tell me all that now?”, you decided that you had to ask all the questions which had been in your mind ever since Sousuke started telling you about his past you didn’t know about even though you were right beside him.  
“Because you deserve the truth. After all what had happened…”, you were glad that he decided to tell you about all this. You didn’t want to hate someone you liked so much and all those things made it easier to understand him.  
“[Name]”, when he suddenly said your name you raised your head to look at him. His dull, blue eyes met yours and they started to shine as soon as he saw you. You are his motivation. You and Rin are his everything.  
“I have one request. Don’t tell Rin about any of that, okay?”, you weren’t quite sure how he knew about the relationship you had with Rin, your aunt probably told him about it.  
“What…? Why…?”, you felt the frown reappear on your face again and you couldn’t help it. You didn’t want to lie to Rin.  
“Because I’ll come back to Iwatobi and I will go to Samezuka’s Academy. I want to race him and I know that he would think too much about my shoulder to race me seriously”  
“But…”  
“I tell him about it when the time’s come. Until then… please, keep quiet about it”, you sat yourself up again and let the warmth of his body let go of yours as you avoided his eyes.  
You thought about it for some time but Sousuke and you knew that you had made your mind up. You would keep quiet because it was Sousuke. Because you would have done the same thing if Rin, Haru or the other boys would have asked you to keep their secret for some time.  
“But… only for some time… you have to tell him as soon as you can”  
From the corner of your eye you saw that he leaned slightly forward and his hot breath stroke your cheek as he put his forehead on your temple. Sousuke put his arms around your waist and hugged you dearly and even smiled gratefully at you. You saw the smile he always used to smile for the first time in forever.  
“Thanks…”

_’The men’s freestyle races are about to start now. Please get ready’_ , you flinched at the sudden crackle of the speakers. Haru’s and Rin’s race was about to start.  
You felt the grip of Sousukes arms grow stronger before he let go of you completely. His hand slid your arm down to your hand before he took your hand gently in his.  
Your eyes met his again as you asked him whether it was okay for you to leave just by looking at him. It was only then that you noticed that you also were able to read his thoughts, just like Haru’s and Makoto’s, even Nagisa’s, Rei’s and Rin’s.  
“They need you, right?”, he shot you a teasing grin, the one you loved so much and your heart clenched at the nostalgic feeling. All the time you had thought that the friendship you had with Sousuke was meaningless now. That it wasn’t important anymore. But you were wrong.  
It was so important to the two of you, that you could sort things out within a few minutes only.  
Just like you had told Haru the other day. You don’t stop hurting others just because you have important friends. You just try harder to keep those friends.  
“But you need me, too”, your eyes made his limbs feel weak, all of a sudden and he knew that you were right. He needed you so much, there were no words to express his need for you.  
“Yeah…”, he chuckled under his breath and closed his eyes for some time.  
He was always like that. Thinking of others first, getting hurt himself, suffering alone even though he knows that he is able to avoid this pain by asking for help.  
You held his hand tighter when you looked at him with determination.  
“I’ll be back in a second, Sou… I’ll always be here”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter focuses more on Rin and Sousuke, because the next one will focuse more on the other boys. I have to admit, the thing with Sousuke was kinda far-fetched but it's shown in ES that he was there and watched the boys race so I took the opportunity to let him appear sooner. The Depression is also far-fetched, I now, but, to be honest, I think that he had suffered so much alone, without Rin or anyone, dealing with his shoulder, suffering from the pain and loneliness that some people actually would suffer from a mental illness because of that and I think that Depression explains the look on his face he has when flashbacks are shown(those in which he trains in Tokyo when his shoulder is already crushed).  
> At first this story was supposed to be funny but now I'm making myself sad with it, sorryTT^TT  
> Anyway, take care of yourself and do your best! See you in the next chapter <3


	28. He, loving your cruelty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Since your asthma got worse gradually in Tokyo, you returned to Iwatobi, your hometown and started living with your aunt.  
> Sports was always something you weren't able to enjoy. And being afraid of the water, swimming was never an option.  
> When you meet the swimming boys, you couldn't help but think of them as hot and unapproachable. However, you soon get dragged into their business and become the most important person to them.  
> A person who'd not only see the water's surface but beneath it
> 
> (Re-upload, coming from Quotev)

_Oh no… I hope I’m not too late…_ , you had waved at Sousuke before running off and leaving him behind. As soon as you had turned your back on him, it felt like your heart was being torn out of your chest. You would see him again, since he stayed over at your place, but it still felt like you were betraying him and choosing the Iwatobi guys. But it wasn’t like that at all. Thinking of Sousuke, you couldn’t help but remember Rin’s words. He wanted you to cheer for him.  
_Please, guys… don’t make me choose…_  
As you rushed through the door which lead to the spectator’s area, you bumped into someone and, if it wasn’t for the familiar, sweet scent, it would have taken you some time to recognize that person.  
“Ah! Haru! Thank god! Are you on your way to the pool?”, you blurted out, panting slightly due to the running.  
“Yeah…”, his blue orbs looked at you, seemed to inspect you as he wondered himself why it had taken you so long to come back. You somehow were able to see that question form on his lips but you were already answering it before he could ask.  
“Sorry… I met an acquaintance and we ended up talking a lot…”, you smiled apologetically at him and avoided his eyes because you knew that he was able to tell your truth from lies. Well, you didn’t lie to him but it felt like it.  
“I see…”, Haru looked at you, noticing that you felt exhausted. The faint scent of chlorine was still on your skin and harmonized with your natural scent perfectly.  
“I watched your race”, his indifferent face changed ever so slightly but you were able to notice it. Haru smiled gently at you and his blue orbs sparkled as if he wanted to embrace you.  
“You did great”, as if your heart had been waiting for his words, it skipped a beat and you couldn’t help but blush heavily at his words and smile brightly at him.  
“Thank you!”, hearing those words from the man who inspired you to join the ISC when you were little was thrilling and your hands trembled slightly. However, you didn’t came to get praised by him.  
Not for that reason only, that is.  
“I’ll watch your race, too”, your expression changed and you seemed pretty serious and Haru thought to know the reason for that. You weren’t able to tell him that you would cheer for him only.  
He knew that you’d cheer for Rin, too.  
Rin…  
The thought of his childhood friend made his hands tremble with an emotion he couldn’t appropriate. But it wasn’t only his hands, his lips, too, trembled as he breathed in, closed his eyes and tried to gather himself. Haru showed you a side of his he didn’t want you to see but he knew that you know about this face of his already. He couldn’t run away from you.  
You reached your hand out to take his gently and squeeze it. He didn’t move away so you stepped closer towards him and looked up at him. Haru’s eyelashes were so long… you haven’t noticed that at all.  
“Haru-nii…”, he didn’t brush your hand off so you thought that he needed some emotional support.  
Haru squeezed your hand but his grip seemed so weak in comparison to yours.  
“Today… I can become free…”, his voice sounded cold, as always but at the same time it seemed like he was questioning his own words. Would he become free?  
Was he able to be free? Will he be able to break free from his past with Rin? From the guilt he felt, from the pain, the sadness and the loneliness?  
You wished you knew.  
You already knew that Haru thinks that he hurt Rin. And, maybe he did, you couldn’t tell. But you knew that life is like that. Hurting and getting hurt, making up.  
After some time his eyes opened again and you were able to see the clear ocean within them. Just like the real one, they tricked you by showing you a calm surface while dangers and raging currents lurked beneath it.  
He seemed so fired up, all of a sudden. Like he could go anywhere.  
And yet, your heart felt like it was torn into pieces. 

 

“Ah! There you are, [Name]-chan!”, Nagisa grabbed your wrist as soon as he saw you and took you to the seats where the others were waiting.  
“We saw your race! You were amazing! 3rd place!”, you laughed under your breath at his words as you let yourself fall down on the seat.  
“It is just like Nagisa-kun says, senpai! You were truly… beautiful!”, Rei wasn’t able to say those embarrassing words without blushing and he even had to readjust his glasses because he thought he could hide his embarrassment by doing so.  
“It was thrilling to watch you swim! I knew you would beat them!”, Kou flashed you a bright smile and wanted to hand you a bottle of water but she noticed that you already held a cola in your hand.  
_Ah… I forgot about the can…_ , you opened the can with a hiss and took a gulp of the cool and fizzy soda. It felt amazing and it seemed like you haven’t drunk something in forever.  
“I wasn’t good…”, you sighed after you managed to part from the coke.  
“Yes. You were”, you looked at Makoto who sat next to you and his eyes seemed to tell you that you should accept their compliments – in a gentle way, of course, while flashing you that Makoto-smile of his.  
“Oh! By the way, we saw your aunt!”, Kou cheered and you wondered how she would know. Apparently Makoto had told her about your aunt.  
“She’s sitting over there”, the maroon-haired girl pointed at your aunt and your heart jumped with joy as you found her. She really came to cheer for you, it wasn’t your imagination. When she saw you, she waved at you eagerly and if it wasn’t for the people around her, she would have sprinted over to you immediately. 

 

“Look, guys, it’s Haru-chan’s and Rin-chan’s turn!”, no matter how tired you felt, as soon as Nagisa had cheered those words, you jumped on your feet and looked over the railing and searched for the boys.  
They walked in a row with their rivals and it seemed like Haru and Rin would swim in adjacent lanes.  
“Hey… [Name]”, the other boys had jumped to their feet, too and chatted eagerly, asking Kou for whom she would cheer for. Of course, for both, is what she had said and you had figured that it would be the best choice.  
During the boy’s chatting, you heard Makoto say your name in a low voice. It seemed like he didn’t want the others to hear the conversation he was about to start.  
“Did you meet Haru on your way?”, your eyebrows raised slightly at his words as you wondered why he would ask that.  
“Yeah… why…?”, Makoto’s face was unusual serious, his green orbs seemed darker, too.  
“I want Haru to win… so, I hope that he is in the condition to do so…”, you remembered Haru’s shaking hands and figured what Makoto was talking about. He seemed fired up after talking to you but you were sure that the thing with Rin didn’t leave him unaffected. Of course not.  
“Is it important… for Haru to win, I mean?”, your hands held tightly onto the cold steel of the railing as you watched those two males walk towards the starting blocks.  
If Rin wouldn’t win, he wouldn’t be able to move forward again, or that’s what he had told you. What about Haru? Why did Makoto want Haru to win?  
“I think that, if Haru wins, Rin will see that the way he swims now is different from the way he used to. Well, he probably knows that but he won’t realize it… I think he would realize it if he keeps on chasing after Haru as his rival for some time.”  
Maybe it was like that. When you remembered the Rin you had seen on the festival, you thought that this might be the case.  
Hearing that, you couldn’t help but think that it would be better if Haru would win.  
**”Ready…”**  
**Beep**  
When you heard the signal which also had told you when to dive into the water, you could feel your heart clench and you bit your lower lip. Your stomach felt like nervousness was getting the better of you again as you watched Haru and Rin swim as if their lives depended on it.  
You didn’t know for whom to cheer so you kept silent and hoped that the outcome would lead to a happy end, no matter who would win.  
“Haru’s falling behind…”, you heard Nagisa and Makoto mumble worried words which made you feel even sicker.  
Rin was way too fast. He turned faster than Haru, who fell back. Even Makoto’s and Rei’s loud cheering wouldn’t help him out.  
You wanted to shout something, too. But you couldn’t. You knew you shouldn’t because you wanted Rin to win, too. Your conflicted emotions left you speechless and you couldn’t help but raise your hand a little to cling onto Kou’s yellow shirt. You wished she could tell you how to calm yourself down.  
Everything happened so fast, you couldn’t believe that they had just hit the finish line.  
As soon as the race was over you looked at the results.  
Rin won.  
And Haru hadn’t advanced, he wouldn’t be in the finals.  
You felt one part of your heart cheer while the other felt heavy with grief. Those emotions were too much. They tore your heart into pieces and you hoped for the boys to help you out. You hoped that everything would turn to normal again. You hoped that Rin would be able to move on again and come back to his friends.  
But the boys wouldn’t grant you that wish.  
**”Yes!!!”** , Rin’s rough, cheering voice startled you slightly and you looked back at them. He seemed so happy about his victory and you asked yourself why it hurt so bad to feel happy for him. It didn’t take you long to find the answer.  
Even though everyone was getting out of the pool, Haru was just standing there and you noticed that you couldn’t feel happy because of Rin and Haru.  
Rin turned towards Haru after getting out of the pool and you saw his lips move but you weren’t able to hear what he was saying. No one was. And yet, you knew that it was something which would break Haru.  
The grin on Rin’s face, the way he looked down on Haru, literally and metaphorically speaking, pierced your heart and you wondered why he would do that. He won against Haru, he would be able to move on why couldn’t he come back to them again? What was with all that melodramatic behavior of his?  
What was with this atmosphere?  
Why was everything going wrong?  
Wasn’t it supposed to be all sunshine and butterflies?  
It was only when Rin had left that Haru got out of the pool sluggishly.  
“I-… I need to use the restroom, sorry”, those words escaped your lips as soon as you noticed that everything possible went wrong.  
“[Name], wait!”, you heard Makoto call out for you when you ran away, all of a sudden and you felt like you should have listened to him. He was the one who knew what was best for Haru. At least he seemed like that. Unlike him, you were torn between wanting to help Haru and giving him what he actually needed. Because helping him might not be the thing he really needed.  
Maybe he needed to be alone. Maybe he didn’t want to talk to you at all.  
But you couldn’t help it. Your body moved on instinct as if you had to protect someone who was dear to you.  
You didn’t want your precious friends to get hurt over and over again.

You rushed through the hallways, searching for the raven-haired male but you couldn’t find him. You couldn’t just bash into the male’s locker room and restroom so the hallways were your only chance.  
_Maybe he went outside…_ , as you thought of all the possible places Haru could be, you lost sight of anything else. Haru was all you could think about. You wanted to find him.  
You wanted him to come back.  
You wanted him to-…  
“Hey, [Name]!”, you heard a familiar voice call out to you and something told you that your friend had called out for you many times before you were able to hear him.  
You turned around to see the maroon-haired boy, whose damp hair was covered with a black towel with a shark pattern on it, glare at you.  
“Didn’t you hear me?”, you felt bad for not noticing him and avoided his eyes.  
You heard the sound of his bare feet on the ground as he stood up and walked towards you with a confident smile. Rin was proud of himself for winning. Of course he was and you wanted to feel proud of him, too.  
But somehow you couldn’t and this feeling made you feel even worse. What kind of person wouldn’t be happy for their friend?  
“Did you see my race? I won”, even though you didn’t like the way he was grinning, you felt your heart clench with joy as you saw him that happy. He seemed at ease and you wanted to see that Rin ever since you saw that cheerful smile he used to smile.  
“Yes. I saw it, you were great”, you flashed him a weak smile as you forced yourself to feel happy for him and he noticed that. Rin frowned and clicked his tongue as he rubbed the back of his head.  
“You don’t sound like you are happy for me at all”, you chocked your raging emotions down as you avoided his eyes again by looking at the ground.  
“Rin… I _am_ happy for you… but… I’m also worried about Haru…”, you hoped that he would understand your feelings. That you felt torn between Rin and the others. That you felt torn between the things you wanted to do for Haru and which probably was best for Haru.  
“Hm… He seemed pretty shocked”, he laughed under his breath and his grin changed. It made you feel like punching him. But maybe you were able to do something less painful.  
“So… you won. Can’t you come back to them again? Make up with them?”, you raised your head again to look at him, a frown of concern on your face which drove him mad with anger. Why would you look at him like that even though he had just won? Why couldn’t you be happy for him? Why couldn’t you think of him only?  
Rin’s expression changed and he glared at you as if you were some annoying scum he didn’t want to get involved with.  
“I won, [Name]. I’m able to move on now. I don’t need them”, he said empathically and it almost seemed like he wanted to force you to let things be. But this wasn’t right.  
You remembered the Rin from yesterday’s festival. He was even crying because he couldn’t see the sight he used to see. The sight he only could see when he was with Haru and the others. Wasn’t that contradictory?  
“Yes, you do. What about the Rin who told me about some sight? You can only see it when you’re togeth-…”  
“Get to the point”, his red orbs flashed with anger and your heart started to race. You walked on thin ice and you felt like you could hear the crack of the coldness under your feet. It sounded like you were about to fall through.  
“What did you say to Haru?”, his jaw muscles tensed as he grit his teeth, his nasal wings started to tremble and you were sure that the ice wasn’t able to support you any longer.  
Why couldn’t you feel happy for him? Why would you think of Haru when Rin is right in front of you? He felt betrayed, again, and he couldn’t help but wanting to twist the knife inside your wound.  
“I told him that I’d never swim with him again.”  
You couldn’t explain the reaction of your body. Your heart leaped and you got goosebumps all over. It felt like the ice had given in eventually and let you down just like that.  
“Why… would you say that?”, your voice trembled as you felt tears sting in your eyes, your throat hurt and it was hard to breathe. Swallowing was impossible.  
_Was it all for nothing, then? Me, joining the club, fighting my fears, competing… was it all for naught?_ , Rin, also, was the reason why you joined the club, wasn’t he?  
Your reaction showed Rin that you wouldn’t be able to feel proud of him no matter how hard he tried. Because your heart was with the Rin who was with the boys not with the Rin who was all alone.  
“Why would you care? Why can’t you just feel happy for me?”, Rin’s voice changed slightly, it sounded breathy.  
“I don’t know…”, you shook your head as those words escaped your throat. It was only a whisper but he could hear it very clearly.  
“At first I thought that you should win so you could move on… but now I don’t know anymore. I want you to come back, Rin… please…”, your eyes made him take a step back and watch you, stunned. He didn’t mean to hurt you again and he sure didn’t want you to cry. Why wasn’t he able to protect you? Why wasn’t he able to watch over you without hurting you?  
Why?  
The maroon-haired male frowned again, avoided your eyes by turning his back on you and grit his teeth with all his strength.  
“That’s not going to happen…”  
With that, he left, not giving you a chance to keep him from going. 

 

“Haru!”, you were passing doors after doors, people after people but it took you some time to find the person you wanted to. He was sitting on a bench, all by himself, his hair still slightly damp.  
When you came to a stop in front of his sitting form, you noticed that there was a single water drop on his cheek which was on his way down to his chin. Maybe it was your imagination but it looked like that drop of water embodied Haru’s feelings.  
“Haru…”, you breathed again, panting slightly and you wondered how many times you would cry today, how many times you would run after someone.  
His blue orbs didn’t look at you and you felt lonely because of that. Still, you sat yourself next to him and leaned back, watching the ceiling as you tried to calm your heart and breathing.  
Haru didn’t really talk about his feelings which left you frustrated. What were you supposed to do? Was it enough to just stay by his side like that?  
As you were thinking about what to do you felt a slight weight on your shoulder. When you turned your face to look at it, you saw Haru’s dark hair. He had leaned over to put his forehead on your shoulder.  
He breathed your name and your heart clenched at his trembling voice. You saw him like that for the first time.  
Haru had been broken and was lost.  
“Why do you swim…?”, it was weak but you heard his question, felt the warmth of his skin warm the textile of your jacket. Why was he asking that kind of stuff all of a sudden?  
“Hmm…”, you hummed, lost in thoughts so he would see that you were thinking seriously about an answer. But the truth was that there was none. You even were afraid of the water, there was only one reason why you swim.  
“I joined the club because of you guys. So, I guess, I swim for you”, you remembered that time when you had asked Haru whether it was okay for you to swim for him. He had told you that you should learn to swim before setting high goals.  
_Is… that kind of wishy-washy answer alright?_  
Haru breathed in deeply and you thought that you heard his breath tremble slightly as he did so.  
“I never cared about my time… never cared about tournaments… all I cared about was being free… wasn’t… wasn’t I supposed to become free after racing him…?”  
You looked back at the ceiling again to hide your red eyes from him. Even though he wasn’t looking at you, it felt like he could see what you were thinking so you just avoided looking at him and bit down on your lower lip to keep it from trembling.  
“I… don’t think that you’d become free by racing him… but by swimming _with_ him…”, Haru sat up as he heard you say those words and looked at you. It seemed like he had realized something important and was thanking you just by looking at you. That certain sparkle in his eyes returned and it felt like it hasn’t been gone in the first place.  
“I want to swim with Rin”, was what he said with a breathy voice. Haru obviously couldn’t believe that it took him so long to understand this fact.  
However, you knew it already. You knew that something was missing ever since Rin was gone. Something important. If those friends have to part and become enemies, they would break.  
You were glad that they slowly noticed how important and needed they are.  
Haru’s stare was intense and it felt like he was unwrapping you until your very soul was exposed to him. He was looking at your feelings, your doubts, your everything while you could feel his breath on the tip of your nose as he breathed your name.  
Thanks to you, he started to see things clear again. Ever since Rin had shown him that pain, things got hazy.  
But Haru started to see it clearly now.  
How much he needed all of you.  
How much he needed you.  
Why would he ever think of pushing you away the way he used to when you had joined the club?  
“ **Haru-chan!! [Name]-chan**!!!!”, you got startled by Nagisa’s screaming as said boy ran towards you.  
“Nagisa!”  
“Hurry up, you two! Makoto is about to swim!!!”, you gasped at his words and jumped to your feet, dragging Haru with you unconsciously. Nagisa, too, was dragging Haru by his wrist so there was no way he was able to resist the two of you. 

“Last spurt, last spurt last spurt!!!”, when you got outside again, you heard your friends and Coach Sasabe cheer for Makoto. You sprinted towards the railing to look for Makoto. It didn’t take you long, though, since you were able to remember Makoto’s fierce strong immediately. No matter how gentle and how much of a scaredy-cat he is, his stroke is as fierce as ever.  
_For his friends…_ , did you also look like that when you swam in that pool? Since you also swim for your friends… did you have the same expression as Makoto?  
You looked over to Haru who also was mesmerized by Makoto’s stroke.  
Everyone is sticking together. They are only whole when they are together.  
You took a deep breath to be able to scream at the top of your lungs.  
“ **Last spurt, last spurt, last spurt!!!!** ”, you joined them to show Makoto that he wasn’t alone. That he would be fine even though he was scared of the water. Because everyone was with him.  
“ **Good job!!!** ”  
Makoto placed only second.  
But you didn’t care.  
Neither did Nagisa who seemed fired up by Makoto’s race.  
The brunette male got out of the pool and caught his breath before looking in your direction. You smiled brightly because you wanted to show him that he did well and that his stroke fired everyone up.  
But he wasn’t looking at you.  
He was only looking at Haru next to you and you wished that smile he showed him would be yours, too. 

It soon was Nagisa’s turn to swim and you didn’t know if it was because of the fact that he was racing others but it seemed like his arms grew longer. It was his own way of swimming.  
But even though he did his best, he didn’t place first place either.  
However, to you, all of that seemed irrelevant. Because you saw that Haru was effected by seeing his friends swim and you noticed that said effect was needed to open his eyes again.  
The fact that they start to look for each other until they find each other is more important than any first place, any trophy.  
Rei, too, was fired up, even though it was his first tournament. When you remembered how nervous you’ve been, you felt slightly ashamed. But everyone dealt with stress in their own way.  
You wanted to think that Rei was unaffected by the pressure but it wasn’t like that at all. He was pretty nervous, even so, his form was perfect and it made you cheer only harder for him.  
Even though he was slower than the others and even though his googles slid off, he was doing his best.  
And, even though it wasn’t enough, it seemed like a victory.

The sun set eventually and painted the scenery in red and orange. It made you think of the times you had spent with Rin, jogging without saying a word just like that.  
Back then, you didn’t really like him.  
But you didn’t hate him either.  
It was unbelievable that you came to miss him.  
Coach Sasabe and Miss Amakate left, Sousuke and aunty didn’t wait for you and you were sure that they wanted you to spend some more time with the Iwatobi boys. Well, at least that’s what your aunt’s mail said.  
_’Enjoy your accomplishments some more’… without Haru…?_ , Haru had left. According to Makoto, he didn’t feel well.  
Of course he wouldn’t. He was probably conflicted because of all those things that had happened. He probably didn’t feel like swimming the relay at all, after all that. And, if you were honest, you felt like that, too.  
Conflicted.  
Did you belong with them? Were you able to play your role?  
“I’m sorry! I signed you up for the relay in secret!!”, when Kou suddenly bowed slightly in front of the Iwatobi members, you flinched, forgetting your own thoughts for some time.  
_What…_ , well, Haru said that he wanted to swim with the boys during that festival… but did he still feel like it?  
“If we win the relay, we can go to regionals!!!”  
_So it’s such a big deal, huh… not that I’m able to experience it…_ , you, being a girl, aren’t able to swim a relay with them and, therefore, won’t see that important sight which bound them together.  
Even so, it was very important, since they would be able to go to regionals, therefore you wanted to support them, no matter what.  
If it wasn’t for Rei, getting fired up for the relay, Makoto, Nagisa and Kou probably would have hesitated before running to Haru’s place.  
Of course, you followed them, writing your aunt a short message, saying that you’ll be late.

But he wasn’t there.  
The lights were out and the front door was locked.  
But even so, all of your hearts were racing and you absolutely didn’t want to give up.  
“We can enter upstairs!”  
“Oh my god!!”, you couldn’t help but gasp at Makoto’s eager words. Even if it seemed like a crime, you followed him and the others. He knew Haru’s place pretty well… has he already done something like that in the past?  
Well, you knew his place, too. You’ve been there many times when you were little and it was surprising that you found your way even though it was already dark. But even though you tried hard to look for Haru, you weren’t able to find him. No matter what room you examined, you couldn’t find the raven-haired male.  
He wasn’t there. 

So you had no choice but to gather in Haru’s living room and wait for him there.  
Meanwhile, Rei found a picture. The picture you had seen before Rei had joined the club. It was the picture of the former Iwatobi Team when Rin was still a member. It was obvious that Rei wanted to make that kind of memory, just like you.  
You looked at the clock which was silently ticking. It was already five past nine.  
“He’s not home yet…”, Kou stated to break the silence.  
“What if…”, Rei was quick to jump to conclusions and it was hard for you to keep up with his way of thinking at first. However, when you understood what he meant, you felt your facial muscles go limp as if all the strength had left them.  
_Could Haru…?_  
Your heart leaped and you caught yourself jump to your feet without thinking, startling everyone. Nagisa’s pink orbs looked at you, showing obvious sympathy before he scolded Rei, saying that he shouldn’t say those things with such a scary face.  
“Don’t worry”, you felt like your heart was sinking to the bottom of the sea. You were sure that it won’t be able to return, however, hearing Makoto’s voice consoled you a little.  
“Haru’s not that weak”, even though it was dark, you somehow thought that Makoto was looking at you directly.  
_Haru…_ , even though you heard Makoto’s words clearly and even though you felt like Haru wouldn’t do such a thing, your legs moved instinctively and before you knew it, you sprinted outside, down the stairs which lead to Haru’s place and looked around in a hurry.  
You wanted to see him. Even though you saw him a few hours ago, you wanted to see him.  
It already was pretty dark when you ran through some alleys, throwing your head to one side and another in search for the young male. The street lights and the moon were the only light sources and you felt that the temperature had droped a little. You were wearing your uniform jacket but it still felt like the night was digging it's cold claws in the textile. Maybe you felt like that because you were worried about your childoodfriend.  
_Haru…!_ , you searched for him until your lungs started to make strange noises again. Until your chest felt tight because that was as far as you could go. You figured that it would be futile to search aimlessly for him and stopped running to calm your lungs for some time.  
_Maybe... he's on the playground..._ , you've spent a lot of time there with him when you were little and it was pretty much the only place you could think of. Well, there was another possibility but the school was closed, there was no way that he would be at the Iwatobi pool, right? So you tried to remember the route to the old playground and if you were honest, you didn't think that you would find it again. It's been a while.  
However, somehow you found it. It was probably due to the importance of this place that you couldn't forget about it.  
It was dark and silent, no one played on the playground anymore even the swings seemed lifeless and heavy. There was no one.  
You were wrong.  
He wasn’t there.

You didn't know where Haru was and it was frustrating. Sure, Haru probably was that kind of guy who'd like to suffer alone but even so, you couldn't just leave him like that, could you?  
You wanted to think that you ran to the beach because you thought you'd find him there. But you probably wanted to ease your own mind and heart so you looked at the water which seemed so dark and calm, deceptively so.  
You haven't had much opportunities to go to the beach when you were in Tokyo. Now you were able to walk along it on your way to school.  
You've met the Iwatobi guys, Sousuke told you he'd join the Samezuka Swim Club, Rin was being as stubborn as ever.  
And even though all that had happened it felt like it would end soon. Because your parents wanted you to move back to Tokyo again.  
_But I don't want that..._ , you wanted to spend some more time with those boys and now that Sousuke was coming back, you absolutely didn't want to leave.  
And you wanted to think that the boys wouldn't want you to leave either. 

After running along the beach, you figured that you wouldn't find Haru if he didn't want to be found. You had to return to Haru’s place without finding him, bearing a heavier stone on your shoulder than before.  
When you walked those stairs up while panting slightly, you saw light coming from the front door.

Haru was home. 

Or that’s what you thought. When you opened the door in a hurry, Makoto looked up at you with the same hopeful expression you had on your face. He sat on the floor, a blue phone in his hand and was probably waiting for Haru.  
“Sorry…”, you panted.  
“It’s me…”, you thought that he felt disappointed because you weren’t Haru and, for the first time in your life, you started hating yourself for not being Haru.  
“Thank god…”, he breathed, closing his eyes in relief.  
“We were worried when you ran off just like that… and since you had left your sports bag with your phone here, we couldn’t contact you”, you let yourself slump down next to him on the ground.  
You weren’t able to answer him, you had to calm your breathing first. Luckily, Makoto noticed that and started talking to help you ease your mind.  
“The others went home already…”, was it really that late already? Have you been gone for so long? Why did it seem like five minutes only?  
“They left a message on Haru’s phone…”, you looked at the phone in Makoto’s gentle hands as you felt your cheeks heat up due to the exhaustion you felt. You felt like you had run a marathon. You were even sweating, even though the temperature dropped a little when night fell.  
Makoto’s green orbs examined you, showing obvious worry.  
“You should go home, too… it’s pretty late…”, he was glad when he saw a reaction coming from you. Ever since you came back, you seemed way too exhausted to say anything but ‘Sorry’. You shook your head vigorously.  
“No… I want to stay…”, you said while you laid your upper body on the floor so your hair's parting would touch the side of his thigh, while still sitting on the genkan. It wasn’t comfortable, but you were too exhausted to care.  
“Okay…”, Makoto’s voice was so gentle, it felt like he was able to make the world a better place just with his voice.  
“Then, rest… ah… but you might catch a cold when you’re lying on the floor…”  
But you didn’t care.  
Your vision got blurry when you felt your eyes sting slightly.  
Rin didn’t want to come back to his friends, even though you tried hard to be their messenger. Haru was some place you didn’t know and you didn’t know when he would come back.  
Sousuke had asked you to keep a secret from Rin.  
Why did it feel like everything was falling apart?  
“[Name]…”, the brunette male whispered your name as he saw that single tear make its way over your nose bridge. You reached your hand out for his so you could grab his wrist gently and lay his hand on your head. He quietly allowed you to take his hand because he probably would have done the same even if you didn’t ask for it like that.  
His huge hand felt so warm on your head and you felt like taking a nap. It made you feel even more at ease when he started to stroke your head gently. Even though your body felt cold due to the floor, it felt warm within your chest. It was only then when you remembered something important.  
“Makoto…”, the brunette male really was good at keeping quiet and consoling others without words. That’s why you didn’t shed another tear.  
“Do you remember that anemone fish keychain? It’s currently on my sports bag”, he continued stroking your head and his green orbs looked at you even though you were only looking at the entrance door, not at him.  
Oh, how he wished you'd look at him some more.  
“Yeah… of course….”, it took some time but he figured what you meant eventually and you felt his hand flinch as he did so.  
“W-Wait… does that mean… you remember that-…?”, you nodded and smiled tiredly.  
“Yeah… back then, I was crying alone on the playground. It was getting dark but I was still there with my keychain in my hand, holding it tightly. You found me, asked me why I was crying and told me about your anemone keychain and that you wanted to have a dolphin, too”, you were only a little kid back then but you noticed how gentle Makoto was and that such gentleness isn't something to be taken for granted, not in this world.  
“Yeah…”, you could hear the brunette chuckle slightly.  
“Then you said something like ‘I’ll give you my dolphin, then!’. It took me off guard back then… I’ve never seen a person cry and smile at the same time before”, he continued and stopped stroking your head because he wanted you to turn towards him. Makoto wanted you to look at him properly and tell him how important you were to him.  
“When I heard that Haru is your childhood friend, I was surprised… I wonder why we didn’t meet earlier… But I guess that’s just how it is… the world’s small but it’s also really big…”, finally you turned on your back while listening to him.  
“When I saw you on our first day of school I wasn’t sure whether it was you. I was too much of a coward to speak to you. You’ve changed a lot”, he chuckled and smiled brightly at you, obviously happy about being able to look in your mesmerizing eyes.  
“In a good way?”, you frowned slightly at that, feeling a little frustrated.  
“O-Of course…”, you felt your heart clench pleasantly at that and you couldn’t help but chuckle slightly. You didn't know why but you felt like thanking him. Because Makoto was there when some other people would have left. Makoto was there, stroking your head and consoling you silently and he was more important than he thinks he is. You wanted him to know that because it felt like he didn't.  
“I’m glad you’re here, Makoto…”  
Then you fell asleep just like that, leaving Makoto flustered, embarrassed and slightly frustrated.  
He knew that you were cruel in your own gentle way.  
The pain was relentless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Weew, it took me some time (again) .>  
> Anyway, this chapter focuses a lot on Rin's and Haru's feelings and Reader-chan's situation which becomse more and more painful. Seriously, being friends with those boys who can't handle their emotions themselves and who aren't able to move on seems pretty though and Reader-chan is suffering a lot. I want to get those feelings across.  
> Anyway, I hope I'm able to finish the next chapter faster ( I don't think I'll be able to do so, tho=P)  
> Aaaaand, I know that Reader Insert Stories are really criticized because it's not possible to make the Reader feel completely included. That's why I'm thinking about some little changes. What kind of changes would you like? What would make you feel like being really their friend? Do you want me to write your names rotational or do you want the Reader-chan to have special traits? Or is it alright the way it is?  
> I would love to read some comments about suggestions and how you think this story should make you feel more included!  
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter and I'd like to see you in the next one!  
> Please, feel free to write some comments, I'm always so happy whenever I get some <3  
> Stay healthy and take care of yourself, see you!


	29. You, soothing their pain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Since your asthma got worse gradually in Tokyo, you returned to Iwatobi, your hometown and started living with your aunt.  
> Sports was always something you weren't able to enjoy. And being afraid of the water, swimming was never an option.  
> When you meet the swimming boys, you couldn't help but think of them as hot and unapproachable. However, you soon get dragged into their business and become the most important person to them.  
> A person who'd not only see the water's surface but beneath it
> 
> (Re-upload, coming from Quotev)

_”Let her sleep…”_  
_”But… are you going to be okay? I mean-…”_  
_”Yeah…”_  
_”Hm… okay then… haha...”_  
_”Why are you laughing?”_  
_”Well… I was just thinking ‘You two get along pretty well’.”_  
_”…”_  
_”Ah, s-sorry! I said something stupid, right now, forge-…”_  
_”You two are close, too.”_  
_”Eh…?”_  
_”She’s clinging onto **you** right now, isn’t she? You two are closer than you think, Makoto.”_  
_”I… wonder about that…”_  
That conversation was the first thing that came to your mind when you took a deep breath and opened your eyes slowly. It felt like a dream, a realistic one. Maybe you had actually heard them talk. But maybe it was just a dream after all.  
You blinked a few times to get rid of the sleepiness – it didn’t work though. You still felt tired and exhausted but you somehow managed to sit up and look around a little. The blanket with blue stripes on it was the first thing you noticed.  
_That’s not my blanket…_ , you were too tired to put the pieces together.  
_Why isn’t that my blanket… where the hell am I?_ , you looked around some more and you noticed that the room was pretty traditional. Finally you were able to put the pieces together.  
“Haru…”, you mumbled, still tired as you rubbed your eyes and yawned.  
So, in other words you had a dream in someone else’s bed.  
_Wow… at least it wasn’t a wet dream… that would be pretty awkward…_ , laying in Haru’s bed for any longer would have been awkward, too, so you decided to get up slowly. You noticed that you were still dressed in your Iwatobi Club uniform and you wished you had some spare clothes with you.  
However, standing around in Haru’s room wouldn’t do nothing so you opened the Japanese door and got outside the room to be greeted with the smell of a warm meal and mackerel.  
_Is he cooking mackerel again?_ , since you were still pretty sleepy, you took your time walking down the stairs. The smell lead you through the hallway to the kitchen and you spotted the raven-haired male, whose back had been turned to you.  
Breathing in the smell of warm breakfast caused your stomach to grumble and you to yawned again as you parted your lips in order to say something:  
“Haru… are you cooking mackerel?”, you rubbed your eyes again because that nasty sleep wouldn’t leave that easily.  
He was half naked, dressed in his swim suit and apron only. It seemed like he had taken a bath a little while ago because his hair was still damp from the water.  
“Yeah…”, he didn’t look at you as he answered your question with a simple word and nod. You stepped a little closer to watch him cook over his shoulder.  
_Mackerel, huh… I don’t know if I’m in the condition to eat it today_ , not that Haru’s cooking was bad, quite the contrary. But… mackerel early in the morning? Wouldn’t that be heavy on your stomach?  
His hand reached down to shut the oven down and he finally turned around too look at you.  
He, too, looked slightly sleepy and even his hair was a little messy.  
You couldn’t help but smile sleepily when you saw that sight.  
He wasn’t even able to utter a word. Even though Haru seemed unaffected by your sleepy face and bad bed hair, his heart leaped at the sight of you and he couldn’t keep it from racing. You looked adorable, to say the least. And thinking about the fact that you had slept in his bed made him feel even more excited.  
No.  
Wait.  
He couldn’t let himself get caught up in such thoughts.  
“The bath’s ready…”, he walked past you, towards the table with the frypan in his hand to distract himself from your sleepy face.  
You tilted your head as you gazed after him in slight confusion. After some thinking you followed him and sat down on the table to eat some of that mackerel.  
Haru’s words remembered you of something and you tried to figure out what it was. Thanks to that festival the other day those memories came back so easily but it seemed like you still had to look for some by yourself.  
_’Haru-nii… why do we have to bathe in cold water?’_  
_’…? You don’t like cold water?’_  
You watched Haru’s damp hair as you remembered that it was common for the two of you to bathe together. Even remembering it made you blush and feel embarrassed, how was Haru dealing with this memory? Well, you were only around three years old and you wore swimsuits but still.  
It was so embarrassing, you barely tasted the mackerel in your mouth.  
_I… can’t tell him that I just remembered that_  
“The water is warm, this time”, maybe you didn’t have to tell him that you remembered. It seemed like he knew it already somehow. Probably because he thought of the same memories.  
“So… you actually started taking warm baths?”, you raised your eyebrows slightly as you looked sheepishly at him. Haru flashed you a barely perceptible smile as he raised his look from the dishes. He didn’t have to say anything, you could tell that he was saying something like ‘So you remembered? I’m glad…’ and it made the blood rush into your cheeks.  
Since you knew you couldn’t hide it anymore, you hurried to finish your breakfast so you were able to rush into the bath, mumbling embarrassed words like:  
“I-I’m gonna take a bath…”

 

You sighed with pleasure as you slid in the bathtub and relaxed. The water really was warm and it felt good on your skin which flushed gradually due to the pleasant heat. It felt like you haven’t bathed in ages and you let yourself sink into the water until it touched your chin and jawline.  
It was strange that you were able to relax like that. Maybe the Swim Club really helped you out with your fear of water more than you thought. But then, taking baths wasn’t a big of a problem anyway.  
_Nothing has changed…_ , Haru’s bath still looked the same, the same tiling, the same old bucket with which you cleaned your body before getting in the bathtub. The same dolphin balancing in the water from the Iwatobi Swim Club. You remembered that you had that one, too.  
_Somewhere…_ , every kid from the Swim Club got one. You let out another sigh which sounded rather exhausted than pleased, unlike before. So much time had passed since then and you couldn’t believe that you found the things you had lost so many years ago.  
It felt like some kind of miracle and you couldn’t let it slip through your fingers again. Those kind of things don’t happen often.  
“[Name]”, you heard a knock on the door and Haru’s voice, so you sat up a little to be able to hear what he had to say.  
“Hm?”  
“I go get you some spare clothes from your place…”, he sounded like he wanted you to tell him that it was fine to do so.  
“You don’t have to do that… I can go myself, you know”  
“It’s okay… I’ll be back…”, you didn’t want him to go. You’d be all alone in Haru’s house. Well, it wasn’t a bad thing but it made you feel slightly uncomfortable. It was such a huge place and even with Haru around it seemed so empty. Without Haru…  
“Haru!”  
“Hm?”, you were glad to hear that he was still there.  
“Come back soon, okay?”  
Haru hesitated a little while and you thought that your words were a bother to him. Maybe you were too clingy? Maybe you asked for too much? You were already using his bathtub, he made breakfast for you, too, why would you ask for so much?  
“Okay”, it was only one word but you thought to hear something like relief in his voice. It might have been your imagination since the door was in between and you couldn’t hear him that well but maybe he actually was happy about you asking him to hurry back.  
“Then… I’m off…”  
“Take care!”

 

_Today is the relay… I wonder if Rin will be there…_ , you don’t know how long exactly it took Haru to get your clothes but you were slightly worried about making it in time. You weren’t sure when the relay started so you felt worried.  
You let out a sigh as you thought of the guys. Why was it that whenever you thought about them, you couldn’t help but sigh?  
_They are idiots, that’s why…_ , yes they are. But you adored those idiots.  
**_Wa-Wait!!!_** , Haru was going to your place, right? He would see Sousuke?! If he did, wouldn’t he get the wrong idea? That you just let some random guy sleep at your place?  
You didn’t know that they knew each other, so that was the only thing you worried about at that moment.  
_Oh my god, I need to tell him to hide! And what if Rin sent me some messages?!_ , you jumped to your feet and didn’t care about the water which ran down your body at all. You got out of the tub in a hurry and searched for a large towel to cover yourself.  
Usually you wouldn’t just leave the bath without getting in some clothes, of course not but you felt like you had to check your phone. Or else you would make a huge mistake.  
So you rushed outside, looked for your bag and noticed that it hasn’t moved at all from where you had put it yesterday. In the entrance hall.  
You quickly got on your knees to search your bag for your phone and ignored the water dropping from your wet hair.  
When you checked your phone, you noticed that you hadn’t got any messages. Not any messages from your aunt or Sousuke either. You didn’t know whether you should feel good about it because it could mean that Rin was mad at you. But, on the other hand, you didn’t miss any messages, which was a good thing.  
You let your phone slip in your bag with a sigh after messaging Sousuke to not go downstairs, no matter what happens, when you suddenly heard the sliding door open followed by a surprised Makoto, calling your name.  
Of course, it startled you to death and you looked up at the two males, Haru and Makoto.  
“Oh my god…”  
On your way to the tournament, the three of you were too embarrassed to utter even a word. 

 

“Nagisa-kun and Rei-kun aren’t here yet…”, Kou slowly started to worry about the boys. Even though it took you so long to actually get to the meeting point yourself, Nagisa and Rei weren’t there yet.  
You sighed, feeling the heat of the sun on your skin.  
It got hotter.  
_Of course… time had passed after all…_  
“Sorry we’re late!!”, when you heard Nagisa’s cheerful voice you turned from the blue sky back to the others. Nagisa didn’t seem sorry at all which was probably due to the fact that he had been training with Rei.  
As the two told Haru how glad they were to swim a relay with him you examined his expression. It seemed to lit up and Haru seemed baffled by their words. It was an expression you don't see often.  
Feeling your heart skip a beat you looked at Makoto, silently asking him whether he saw Haru’s face, too.  
His smile told you that he did. 

 

Since you didn’t participate, you had no other choice but to sit down on the benches which were meant for the bystanders.  
When you saw the boys lined up in front of the starting block, your heart started to race as though it was you who stood there. You felt like you could feel their nervousness.  
“Hey! No need to frown like that!!”, you gasped when you felt a slap on your back. It was Nana who sat down next to you and caught Kou’s, Miss Amakata’s and Couch Sasabe’s attention.  
Behind her was your aunt, sitting down as well.  
Their faces made you feel guilty.  
Nana had confessed to you and it was Makoto who had to tell your aunt that you wouldn’t come home yesterday. She must have been worried to death.  
But they didn’t seem like they wanted your guilt. They were just smiling at you.  
_I wonder if Sousuke’s here, too…_  
“Pay attention. It’s gonna start”, your aunt urged you to stand up and look at them from above.  
If they would win that race… regionals would be the next goal. That was… amazing.  
As you watched the other participants you felt your heart search for Rin. You wanted him to see the relay.  
And it seemed like god had heard your prayers. He stood there, hidden in the shadows.  
As if Rin had been searching for you, too, your eyes met for a few seconds. 

 

Shortly after that, Makoto jumped into the pool and prepared for his start. You remembered the thrilling sensation you felt when you got on the starting block yesterday.  
Was Makoto feeling like that, too?  
Or was he alright since everyone was with him?  
Everyone, even Rin.  
**”Ready… GO!!”**  
Your heart clenched as you heard the sign and Makoto started swimming right on time.  
That fierce and dynamic backstroke was his style. He swam like his friends' lives depended on it.  
You felt like screaming his name to cheer him on but everyone around you was silent so it was probably awkward for you to do so. So you kept your mouth shut and hoped your thoughts would reach him.  
Then it was Nagisa’s turn. The guys said something about ‘extending arms’ and stuff. Well, you didn’t know about that but you knew that this kind of style wouldn’t let him down. He would never be left behind by the others.  
The blonde male was pulling ahead, leaving the others behind and it soon was Rei’s turn.  
The start seemed rough but everything seemed fine afterwards. You didn’t have to worry about them so much. Well, Rei was slower than the others, but that didn’t matter.  
At least not to you.  
You turned back to Rin who seemed upset about something. Even mad. You didn’t know that it was about Rei but you thought that it had to do with the relay.  
Because he wasn’t part of it any longer.  
_Rin… it’s not like you **can’t** come back, you know…_  
Your hand clenched around the railing as you watched Rei and Haru exchange.  
It was only then when everyone started cheering and you didn’t hesitate to go with the flow. You screamed Haru’s name at the top of your lungs and clenched your eyes shut because you thought your voice would get louder thanks to that.  
Since Rei had fallen back quite a bit Haru had to catch up to the others. At first he was forth.  
Then third and you could hear Kou and Miss Amakata cheer with joy.  
So, even though he had to catch up, it was fine.  
Because he was doing great. He showed you that stroke which inspired you to join the swim club again. And even though you didn’t swim with them, you felt connected.  
Like their turns would be impossible if you weren’t there.  
Or their balance would falter if it wasn’t for you, swimming with them.  
You wanted to believe that.  
Haru was so fast, fast enough catch up to the first place but you were able to see his hand hit the wall clearly.  
That’s when Iwatobi got first.  
It wasn’t like you ever doubted that they would rock that race. But it was still so… overwhelming to see them help Haru out of the pool and cheer in delight. You got goosebumps from looking at them only as they hugged and seemed so happy. You thought to see some tears, too. The feelings they had were hard to understand since you weren't able to feel them yourself.  
You felt so glad and happy for them, of course, you were proud of them, too and those emotions filled your chest with warmth.  
But also with empty sadness.  
Because you wanted to rush down and join the group hug.  
But it wasn’t your relay.  
Neither was it Rin’s.

 

**”I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU!!!”** , your aunt had been silent all the way home and even smiled at your teammates but as soon as she got in the house and closed the door behind you, she started glaring at you and screaming.  
_Putting on a good face on the matter, I see…_  
**”DO YOU KNOW HOW WORRIED I WAS ABOUT YOU?! YOU DIDN’T SHOW UP YESTERDAY AT ALL!!!!”**  
Since you knew you were the one to blame you shrank at her words and hunched your shoulders.  
“Sorry… I know…”, you really did feel guilty. Otherwise her smile during the tournament wouldn’t have made you feel bad.  
Your aunt’s shoulders shook violently as she tried to catch her breath and composure again.  
“Whatever…”, she huffed when she noticed that she was calm enough to pull you in for a hug.  
“I’m just glad you returned home…”, you returned her loving hug and closed your eyes for some time.  
“Of course I’d return… what were you thinking…”  
Her thoughts would drift off and you knew that she would think of horror scenarios in which you got killed and kidnapped. Sometimes she worried too much but she wasn't your aunt if she wouldn’t.  
“She’s right, though. You shouldn’t make her worry like that…”, you parted from your aunt when you heard a familiar voice.  
Sousuke was standing in the hallway, a few steps behind your aunt and your face lit up on reflex. Even though you didn’t want to make it that obvious that you were happy to see him, you couldn’t help it. Ever since he told you about his side of the story it felt like nothing of that ever happened. You just wanted to forgive him and forget about all that.  
Since he didn’t act like that because he hated you.  
“Sousuke!”, he chuckled under his breath when he heard you cheer his name.  
“Have you seen the tournament today?”, you knew that he saw that one yesterday but you didn’t see him today.  
“Nah…”, thanks to your hopeful gaze he seemed guilty for that and avoided your eyes for a second before staring back at you again.  
“’cuz Rin and you didn’t swim the relay”, Sousuke seemed serious while saying that. He was only interested in Rin and you, apparently.  
“Why didn’t he swim the relay…?”, you could hear him mumble as a confused and desperate frown formed on his face. You didn’t know what he meant by that at that time so you lowered your gaze, lost in thoughts.  
Your eyes got caught by Sousuke’s hand. He held a travel bag in his hand.  
When you saw that, you felt your heart clench with sadness and loneliness and you somehow knew that Sousuke was able to read your emotions.  
“You’re going back…?”, you had to bit your tongue to keep yourself from saying ‘already’.  
“Yeah… can’t be absent from school after all”, he flashed you a half-hearted smile and you knew that he’d rather stay. Just like you wanted him to stay.  
You stared into his eyes and you saw some unsaid wishes within them.  
“I take you to the station, then… so you won’t get lost”

 

At first, the two of you didn’t talk at all when you left your home. You just walked next to each other, feeling no need to talk. Because you’d know what he was thinking about anyway, just like he knew about your thoughts.  
The sun started to set already and by the time Sousuke would arrive in Tokyo it would be way past midnight. When you noticed that, you couldn’t help but lick your lips to prepare yourself to talk again.  
“Won’t it be pretty late when you arrive in Tokyo? You didn’t watch the tournament so you could have left earlier, you know…”, you stared down at the sand underneath your soles as you walked along the beach. The setting sun dyed the scenery in a mixture of orange and red.  
You used to stay out until night would fall just to play with Sousuke on the beach when you were little.  
That’s what you remembered during that moment.  
“Yeah… “, that was all he said and you couldn’t help but look up to watch his serious profile.  
He didn’t want that.  
He didn’t want to leave without saying goodbye to you. Because the last time you parted you didn’t say goodbye and it felt like there would be too many words unsaid if he would leave just like that.  
But at the same time he wished he would have left earlier.  
Parting from you wasn’t easy. It broke him into pieces every time he had to.  
Since you understood how he felt you forced a smile.  
“I wouldn’t have forgiven you if you would have left without saying goodbye anyway…”, you were glad you said those words because they made him smile at you as if he was hoping for you to say something like that.  
It really felt like nothing had changed. But that wasn’t true.  
You had changed a lot. 

 

“So… here we are…”, you walked the few stairs up to get to the station and you felt your heart grow heavy for some reason. You didn’t want Sousuke to leave yet.  
“Yeah…”  
And then there was silence again.  
You thought you’d burst into tears if you would part your lips so you kept them shut.  
At the same time you wanted him to tell you everything about the experiences he had during the time you weren’t with him. Since you didn’t have the time for that yet.  
“I was surprised when Nanase showed up on your doorstep…”, you flinched slightly at his sudden words and looked at him. But he was only staring into the distance.  
“You know Haru, too?”, you already knew that he was Rin’s childhood friend. But it didn’t sound like he was friends with Haru since he called him by his last name.  
“Yeah… After Rin went to Australia I raced him… the guy Rin was obsessed with… and probably still is”, knowing Sousuke, he probably wanted to see what’s so good about Haru. Even after Rin’s return Haru was the only thing he could think about. He had wanted to race him so badly.  
You wondered if Sousuke felt left out. Maybe he was jealous of Haru?  
"But he didn't see me, don't worry...", your message arrived too late but he still read it. Sousuke remembered the feeling he had again. That pain of feeling left out. Why didn't you want Nanase to see him? What were you hiding from him? Why were you hiding something from him in the first place?  
“Hey, [Name]”  
“Hm?”, you raised your head a little so you were able to look into his eyes but he still didn’t look at you.  
“Do you know why Rin didn’t swim the relay today?”, at first you didn’t understand what Sousuke was talking about. Why was it such a big deal? Maybe he didn’t feel like it?  
“Huh…? What do you mean…?”  
“When we were kids he was obsessed with relays. So I thought he wouldn’t let this opportunity slip and swim today’s relay, too. But he didn't. When I noticed that, I went back to your place again”, so he had been there but went home because Rin wasn’t swimming the relay.  
_Why_ wasn’t he swimming the relay?  
“I don’t know… but he watched the guy’s relay… Maybe he regretted it afterwards-…”  
“Why didn’t he think of participating at all…? He usually would have…”  
Sousuke seemed confused in a desperate way. He wanted to find the answers to those questions desperately.  
You thought you knew them.  
“Because he changed… I guess…”, and, seeing Sousuke so confused about Rin not swimming the relay made it seem like he had changed _a lot_.  
But you already knew that.  
You just didn’t understand how much Rin actually had changed.  
Did Sousuke know that Rin had hit a wall when he was in Australia?  
Probably not. Rin wasn’t talking with anyone about it.  
Seeing Sousuke so bothered made you feel like crying. He really was close to Rin so why didn't Rin say anything? What kind of pain had Sousuke been feeling?  
When you thought about the guys, always keeping things to themselves, you remembered that you actually know how he must have been feeling.  
“He’ll be fine… I promise. It's me who takes care of him after all”, you flashed him a smile, but it wasn’t forced this time. You meant it.  
Again, the dark-haired male felt happy about your words – it was obvious, you saw that as soon as he looked at you with those sparkling eyes of his.  
Sousuke looked at you for some time like that and seemed to think about making a decision.  
A decision he had to make before the train would come.  
1\. Leaving just like that, without doing anything  
and  
2\. Pushing you against a wall and forcing a kiss on those sweet lips of yours.  
He knew that the latter was no option. You’d start hating him again.  
But Sousuke couldn’t help but fantasize about it.  
What would your kiss feel like?  
Your tongue?  
What would it feel like to let his hands roam over your body and touch your naked skin?  
What would you look like if he would made your body tremble with pleasure?  
He wondered what kind of touch would make you feel good.  
He wondered about that ever since puberty had hit him like a train but thought that it was just that. Puberty.  
But for something which was caused by puberty, those dreams seemed too real, too hot and amazing.  
Sousuke just wished he could enjoy them. Looking at you made him remember every wet dream he had about you and it made him feel guilty. Because it felt like he was betraying you and your innocent feelings.  
He even dreamt about said betrayal once.  
Your horrified voice and those tears, streaming down your face while he couldn’t stop himself. It scared him to death and he never meant to hurt you.  
The dark-haired male didn’t understand why he would dream about such horrible things in the first place. He adored you more than anyone. There was no way he would do such things and he really hoped that you knew that.  
“Sou?”, Sousuke never was a talkative man but he started to become way too quiet. It made you worry about him.  
When your childhood friend heard you, calling him by the nickname you gave him long ago, he snapped out of it again, chuckled under his breath while closing his eyes. It seemed like an excuse. But his voice shook slightly as he did so.  
_Why are you nervous…?_  
“I just thought… ‘If I leave Rin in your care, I must be pretty desperate’”, he was teasing you with a grin, however, it seemed slightly off. Like he was way too bothered to even smile.  
_He’s probably worried about Rin…_ , is what you thought.  
The corners of your mouth twitched slightly but you couldn’t bring yourself to smile honestly at him so you avoided his eyes and stared down at your feet. Sousuke probably knew that you noticed that something was off since you would, at least, pout at his words in a playful way.  
But he didn't say anything “Hey… I regret not asking yesterday but… How is your shoulder? You’ll join the Samezuka Swim Club, right…? Will you be alright?”  
For a while the birds’ chirping and the cicadas song was the only thing you heard.  
“Did you see my aunty because of your shoulder? Did she say something?”, because it took him so long to answer you looked up at him again with a desperate expression on your face this time.  
Sousuke’s lips parted but as he tried to say something, you could feel the whiff caused by the approaching train.  
“I’ll be off, then…”  
“Wait!”, he was about to walk away from you but you got a hold on his hand. You acted on impulse but you were glad you did. If you would have let him go just like back then in Tokyo, regret would have eaten you alive.  
You didn’t want an answer anymore, you just wanted him to know that you’d like him to come back and stay over at your place again. Just like in good old times.  
“You’ll come back, right? We stay in touch!”, when the dark-haired male saw the worried expression on your face, he couldn’t help but chuckle under his breath again. Why am I always chuckling when I'm with you?, was what he asked you in his mind.  
“What’s with that face…? Do you think I’d run off like that after you’re literally begging me to stay?”, finally he was able to smile genuinely at you and it caused your heart to flutter.  
“I… I’m not **begging** ”  
“Fh… sure”, you could feel his hand hold onto yours gently but firmly as the doors of the train opened and the passengers got off.  
Last time you saw him you were the one who had left.  
Now he would leave.  
“You coming with me?”  
Your eyes widened, your lips parted instantly and the both of you knew that you would have said ‘Yes!’ on reflex, just like that, without giving it another thought, if you had your luggage with you, that is.  
Just seeing that expression on your face made him happy enough to survive the trip back to Tokyo, that’s what he thought.  
“I… I’m sorry…”, the warmth of his hand slipped through your fingers as you said those words ‘See you…’ ever so sheepishly. You hoped that, if you would say them silently enough, it wouldn’t be a parting. But, of course, that was dumb.  
“Yeah… See you…”  
And with that he got on the train, soon regretting not making the second decision he had in contemplation. 

After Sousuke had left, it got dark real quick and as you walked along the beach it started to rain a little. Since it started to get hotter, the cool water drops felt pleasantly on your skin.  
A summer rain like that seemed like a perfect scenery for partings. 

Well, it started as a little drizzle but it soon started pouring. It was strange because the forecast didn’t say anything about it.  
Of course, your aunt got pretty worried about you, told you to take a bath and get to bed right away so you wouldn’t catch a cold.  
But since it was still early, around 8 pm, you were bored and sleeping wasn’t an option. Luckily Nana wrote you some messages, telling you that she wants to see you swim in a relay and since she hasn't had the opportunity to tell you how amazing your crawl was the day before, she told you on that evening.  
Reading those messages of hers made you wonder why you haven’t noticed her feelings for you sooner. Would you have changed if you would have known about them?  
But she didn’t want you to notice them.  
Because the friendship she had with you was too precious to her.  
You exchanged quite a lot messages with her, told her about your memories which started to return slowly but surely and the time you had spent with her, Haru, Sousuke and Kisumi on the playground.  
You enjoyed those relaxed and laid back conversations a lot and when Nana had told you that she was going to bed it was around half past midnight.  
Which was bad because you had school tomorrow. But you just couldn’t sleep.  
You remembered that Sousuke was sleeping on the floor next to your bed two days ago.  
You remembered the relay the guys swam yesterday.  
That Rin was watching them.  
Those memories made your heart feel heavy with loneliness.  
_Rin…_  
Just when your mind had formed his name, your phone started to vibrate on your nightstand.  
You lazily turned so you could reach out for it. The blazing light of your display almost blinded you and you groaned loudly but you managed to read exactly that word which your mind had formed.  
“Rin…?”, he hadn’t send any morning messages and you thought that he was mad at you.  
“Yo…”, his voice made your heart jump with joy, even though he sounded bothered.  
“That’s pretty rare… getting a call from you… I thought you were mad at me…”, you said softly as you sat up. It was so dark in your room but the rain had stopped a while ago and the moon shone so brightly, it made your skin look pale.  
“I wasn’t…”, was the only thing he said in return and again you felt your heart clench. It made you feel glad that he wasn’t mad at you.  
“I’m glad…”, there wasn’t a response after that, just Ai’s distant snoring. Well, at least someone seemed to have a healthy sleep pattern.  
“Rin… what’s wrong…? Can’t sleep?”  
“What about you?”  
“I don’t know… I just can’t sleep…”, that wasn’t the whole truth but you thought that you’d bother him if you would have told him that your mind was filled with Rin and the others.  
He had other things on his mind at that moment.  
“I’m swimming the relay at nationals”  
Your eyes widened at his sudden words.  
“Re-Really?”, maybe you sounded too happy because he didn’t answer right away, so you decided to ask him the question which was on your mind.  
“Why… all of a sudden… you didn’t swim the last one…”  
You could hear him take a deep breath as he tried to find the right words. But it seemed like there was no such thing. No ‘right', no ‘wrong’.  
“I just… happened to remember something when I saw their relay”, it seemed like that was as honest as Rin would be with you. But you already knew that he had remembered the relay when he saw them swim. He had told you about that during the festival himself.  
Maybe that was still on his mind.  
So relays actually were that important to Rin just like Sousuke had told you.  
“I see…”, was what you said in response. That was the only thing you could say and you felt ashamed because of that.  
You were glad about Rin, starting to talk again.  
“Hey, [Name]…”, it seemed like an eternity since he had last called you by your name and you felt your heart race slightly.  
“Yeah?”  
“When you watched my very first race against Haru… what did you see?”  
At first, you didn’t quite understand what he meant. You saw Rin and Haru, of course but it was obvious that he meant something different. Maybe he was talking about something special.  
“I think I saw a hasty Rin… a Rin who seemed to be chased after by the time… you were fast but-… I somehow think that you didn’t enjoy it at all…”, you said, careful not to say something wrong. This was a sensitive topic after all.  
“It wasn’t like that, though. When I raced him I had a breakthrough. I wanted to swim again”  
You somehow felt happy about his words because, to you, it seemed like he was slowly starting to walk the path he wanted to walk on.  
“Back in Australia, I couldn’t swim the way I wanted to… and I thought that it was like that because I swam a relay with the guys…”, he paused to give you the opportunity to say something.  
“But that’s not it, right? I mean… the relay seems so important to you…”, did he mean that he forgot how to rely on himself when he swam the relay with the guys? That he relied too much on the others, so he decided to keep distance?  
“And it's so important to me that I want to swim with you guys, too… I really want to swim with you, Rin… and I want you to swim with the others again…”, because that was the way it should be.  
“When the others showed me that picture of the tournament and your smile, I thought that I want to bring that Rin back. That was the main reason I joined the club…”, you felt like telling him the things he already should know. They were so important.  
“Rin… I really want you to come back again…”, you haven’t had a chance to experience how Rin used to be. But you knew the Rin now and you knew that he was missing something.  
You wanted him to find that something again so you told him all those things.  
But the only response was, again, Ai’s distant snoring and close, steady breathing.  
Was he…?  
“Rin…?”, you whispered his name softly, asking whether he fell asleep.  
_Oh god… I was saying all that important stuff… and he just falls asleep?!_ , you couldn’t help but sigh at that.  
It was strange, though. Even though it made you a little angry, you smiled softly.  
  
“Good night… Rin”

 

Rin never would have guessed that hearing you talk was enough to ease his heart and make him fall asleep silently.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Weeeell~ That took me some time, huh, hahah...  
> Urgh, I'm so sorry!! I was so busy with my exams that I didn't have any time to finish this chapter   
> But it's fine now since it's summer break and I hope I'm able to write many chapters filled with fluff and sexual references(finally) *perverted pervert*  
> It feels like the story wasn't going on in this chapter at all. I hope that's no problem, since I wanted you to spend more time with Sousuke <3  
> And I also think that Sousuke is a composed man with strong feelings and desires and surpressing those won't do him any good, as seen in the part in which I describe his dreams(I hope you don't mind that intense description =/ Tell me how you feel about it and what you think about it! I didn't have many opportunities to get sexual in any way so I wonder if it was too much)  
> Anyway, enough of all that perverted talk, please, let me know about the feelings you had while reading this chapter! Your comments always make me so happy, they literally push me to go on!! Thank you so much for your patience <3  
> Stay healthy and take care of yourself, see you in the next chapter <3


	30. Christmas Special

**„What?!“**  
„Look, [Name]-chan, I’m really, really sorry. But I can’t help it! Trust me, I’d rather spend Christmas with you but Nakamura-san really needs my help”  
You were at a loss for words. December the 24th was a special date and a majority of Japanese agreed on that. Especially children and women. Unfortunately, it isn’t a national holiday which means that you had to go to school and your aunt was busy with work. And it seemed like Nakamura-san, a good friend of aunty, had a sudden accident and didn’t want anyone else but your aunt to treat him. Well, he was a rather stubborn, old man, trusting no one but your aunt.  
There was only a slim chance that she’d spent Christmas with you.  
“B-But… _Aunty_!!!”, you complained and, even though you did your best to seem angry and furious your aunt couldn’t help but smile gently. You looked way to cute, dressed in your winter pajama and a sleepy expression on your face since you just woke up.  
“Honey… I know. And I really try to be back as soon as possible… but you know that Nakamura-san lives outside this town. It’s going to take a while…”  
Even though everything was prepared… the presents, the cookies and the decoration…  
Since there was no helping it, sighing heavily was all you did as you ate your breakfast.  
“Did Mom and Dad send something?”  
“Ah, right!”, your aunt fished something out of the pocket of her dressing grown and showed it to you. She gave you two things. One was a picture of the ‘Illumination’ in Tokyo. It was as beautiful as always since even the trees were dressed in beautiful, sparkling dresses.  
It was slightly surprising that they actually sent something since neither of them had much time for their child.  
‘Merry Christmas, [Name]-chan!’ was written on the other side of the picture.  
The other was a letter, the only thing written inside was ‘Merry Christmas, dear [Name]-chan!’.  
Again it was from someone you didn’t know, probably your secret admirer, but you didn’t care. You felt lonely and you’d rather have some company here instead of this cold piece of paper. It was so lonely, you felt like crying. 

 

Everyone in your class was looking forward to spending the Christmas Eve with someone special. Their family, their lover, etcetera. If you had something to look forward to, you’d probably be as excited as your classmates.  
“You already prepared some Christmas presents, right?”  
“Of course! Who do you think I am?!”  
“[Name]-chan, are you alright?”, you flinched startled when you suddenly heard Makoto’s voice next to you. He tilted his head, as always when he was confused or lost in thoughts. It was a quite adorable gesture.  
“U-Uhm…”, since you were caught off guard, you weren’t prepared to say something.  
“You look pale, [Name]-senpai…”, you haven’t noticed that Nagisa and Rei were there, too, looking at you with worried expressions.  
“It’s Christmas, you shouldn’t make that face!”, the blonde male complained worriedly and tugged on your sleeve.  
“Haru, too, is worried, you know…”, your eyes widened at Makoto’s words. He was looking at someone behind you and you followed his eyes.  
There was Haru, standing behind you as he listened interested. However, when your eyes met, he acted as if he was staring out of the window, a slight blush on his face.  
“Guys…”  
Literally everyone was worried about you and it didn’t take them long to read your mind and see that something wasn’t right.  
They really liked you and it took you some time to notice that. 

“ **EEEEEEEEEH?!** [Name]-chan is alone on Christmas Eve!!”, Nagisa exclaimed, leaning forward to show you how he felt.  
“That’s not right!”, Makoto, too, was feeling really bad for you. However, Haru and Rei didn’t know how to feel about that.  
“Well…”, Rei began to speak, readjusting his glasses as he tried to hide is blush.  
“Is it not alright for you to spend your Christmas with us, then?”  
Again someone would let you spend your time with them. But you didn’t want to bother them since they really should stay with their families.  
“N-No, guys, I’m fine, really-…”  
“No! That’s an excellent idea, Rei-chan! We can’t let her spend Christmas alone!”  
Wait, what?! No, what was with that situation?  
“Wait, no, you have to spend time with your families!”, you complained about them with a glare.  
“Yeah, but we can spend Christmas with you afterwards. It’s going to get late but you won’t be alone, right?”, the brunette male said, smiling at you gently.  
Even Haru gave you an ever so slight smile and brushed your shoulder with his hand.  
“Let’s spend it together, [Name]”

 

 _Oh my god, oh my god, **OH.MY.GOD!!!**_  
Since everyone agreed on meeting at your house at night you had to hurry and get some presents for the boys right after school. And the store was filled with people, it seemed like you weren’t the only one doing last-minute purchases.  
_How am I going to do that?!_  
“[Name]”  
_I can’t do that!_  
“Hey, [Name]…”  
You were way too lost in your thoughts to notice that Haru was walking hasty next to you. Since everyone would spend their time with their families first, they went home after school. Haru, however, said that he’d help you out to pick some presents.  
“Sorry for bothering you, Haru…”, but the raven-haired male only shook his head.  
“I live alone…”, he said, looking around the store.  
“… so I can spend some more time… with you”, even though he mumbled the last part, he knew that you were going to hear him. He even hoped so.  
Your heart clenched slightly at that and you felt like he just said something very important. But it was hard to know for sure, right?  
“Haru…”, when you said his name, he turned to you. Your eyes met and it felt like he was sending some message from his mind to yours. It felt like he was grateful for being able to spend this time with you.

“Here…”, he said after some time of searching and showed you a silver necklace, a pendant in shape of a water drop dangling from it. There were a lot of necklaces like that and every single one of them held a unique stone bordered. It was only plastic, however, it still looked really nice.  
Haru picked the one most suited to your eyes and held it next to your face.  
“It’ll look good on you”, his lips curved ever so slightly but since his face was really close, you could tell.  
Your cheeks flushed slightly at his gentle, blue orbs and the loving smile he showed you and you tried not to stutter.  
“B-But… I look for presents I can give to you guys. Not for myself, you know…”  
Again he only shook his head.  
“That’s fine. It’s my present for you” 

After a few hours – yeah, it took you hours to find the right presents – you walked home with Haru, who had to close his eyes when you bought his present. He couldn’t help but smile internally at your behavior. You were too cute for your own good.  
It took you so long because you didn’t want Haru to help you. You wanted to find the right presents on your own even though you knew that you would feel bad afterwards because you never knew whether you bought the right ones.  
As for the presents…   
Nagisa was probably the easiest. Since you knew that he loved penguins, a penguin plush felt like the right choice. It was even wearing a red scarf and a Santa-hood.   
Rei was actually a tricky one since he loved beautiful things but beauty is in the eye of the beholder, right? However, you were pretty sure that he’d like the purple butterfly keychain. It was really detailed so there was no doubt he would like it… probably.   
Haru wasn’t that hard. He probably wouldn’t care for his present so you got him something for his bath. It was common knowledge that he liked to bathe so you bought him a floating mackerel figure. It looked really cute and you couldn’t resist so you bought it.   
Makoto’s present was a leather bracelet, also some small, frail pendants dangling from it. Those were small kittens and goldfishes. Of course, you got something for Rin, too, even though he didn’t know about the Christmas party at your home. It was a leather necklace, a small – leather – pendant attached. It wasn’t something breathtaking but it suited his way of dressing, you thought, so you bought it. It would look really good on him.  
Haru told you that he’d go home changing since the two of you didn’t want to spend Christmas in your school uniform. You, too, changed into your nicest, most comfortable dress, suited for Christmas – red and short, a slight cleavage.  
Haru would be back any minute so you had to hurry.  
Oh boy, were you looking forward to it. 

 

When his blue orbs saw you, opening the door for him, dressed that nicely, he couldn’t help but stare for a few seconds. He looked at you, the way you did your hair and the way you wore that lovely dress and it made his heart jump with excitement. You looked like you’d be ready for an adventure and so was he. Well, he was wearing casual clothes, unlike you but he knew how to look good.  
Time flew by as the two of you argued about who should cook and what to cook while the dough for the cake was inside the oven, its delicious smell filling the air.  
“I’ll cook”, he said, stubbornly and looked at you with an eager expression on his face.  
“No! I told you: You are my guest and I’ll cook for you”  
“I don’t care, I want to cook for you”, was what he was saying the whole time. You just couldn’t understand why he’d want to cook that badly. Now you knew.  
“Why can’t we just cook together?”  
Haru seemed to pout a little at that but he gave in eventually.  
“Fine…”, he couldn’t defy your look now, could he? 

“So? What do you think?”, you let Haru taste the sauce you prepared for the meat dish – which he was preparing. His cheeks flushed slightly at the taste.  
“It’s good…”  
“Really? That’s good!”, Haru looked at your smiling face, your slightly flushed cheeks. You looked so cute he felt like taking your soft hand, squeezing it and touch your cheek with his other hand.  
But he didn’t. He couldn’t. He was too scared of your reaction so he searched for an exit to get out of this mess inside his head.  
“Can I give you your present?”, he suddenly asked, making you blink in surprise.  
“Shouldn’t we wait for the others…?”, you asked as he stepped behind you, not waiting for you to give him an answer.  
“They’ll see it anyway…”, he said, fishing the necklace out of your pocket. He brushed over your nape to get every single strand of hair out of the way as he helped you put the necklace on.  
You felt his hot breath on your skin, the warmth of his hands. However, you had no idea that he was thinking about gently placing his lips on your nape, kissing it softly. Your scent was mesmerizing and it felt like you crept under his skin, making him feel warm and cold at the same time.  
Suddenly, you felt something gently touch your nape and you flinched at the strange sensation. You arched your back since it tickled and you parted your lips to breathe a sigh in surprise.   
Did he just… kiss your skin?! No, that couldn’t be. It was Haru we’re talking about after all. He wouldn’t just kiss you like that so it was probably his thumb, touching a sensitive spot on your nape by accident.  
You looked over your shoulder, your hands on the countertop as you tried to escape. Your back was still arched and Haru couldn’t help but feel… flustered about it. Was he… turned on by you, cooking and looking at him like that, he wondered. Well, if he was, he had to make sure that you didn’t notice.  
So he looked out of the window again. It was getting night but there was something different that took his attention.  
“[Name]. It’s snowing…”  
Slightly confused about the sudden change of subject, you looked out of the window to see whether he was right or not. And he was.  
„Woah… it’s beautiful…“  
Haru was glad that it was snowing. He didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable with his sudden, emotional outburst so he tried to distract you. Seeing you feeling uncomfortable, sad or worse was the thing he hated the most.  
“Merry Christmas, [Name]”  
“Yeah, Merry Christmas, Haru!!”  
You were precious to him after all. 

“Oh-uh…”, when you suggested to make a Christmas cake and decorate the cookies you thought that there was enough icing.  
“What’s wrong?”, Haru asked, shaping the dough to round cookies.  
“We don’t have enough icing…”, you looked at Haru who returned your look. He seemed to think for some time before he looked at the clock and washed his hands.  
“I go get some…”, he said, monotone as always.  
“Oh no, you don’t have to!”, you tried to stop him from leaving since it was cold and even snowing outside. The cookies would taste good without the icing, too.  
But he ignored you, putting his coat on. He would go anyway, leaving you sighing.  
“Haru, please, take care, okay?”  
The young male’s heart clenched slightly at that. It has been a while since someone said those words to him. A woman at that. He was really glad that he was able to spend Christmas with you.  
“Yeah…”

 

You used the little icing you had to decorate the cake and write a mail to Rin to tell him that you’d gladly invite him to spend Christmas with you and the others when there was a knock on your door a few minutes after Haru had left. You were glad that you heard it, since you were humming again some songs only you know. Was Haru already coming back?  
So you left the cake and opened the door – with your elbows that is, since your hands were covered in tasty, soft pink icing.  
“Tachiba-… Makoto”, Makoto once asked you to call him ‘Makoto’, too. Well, it was still slightly embarrassing and you weren’t used to it yet, no matter how often you'd say his name.  
“Hey, [Name]-chan”, he smiled gently at you, trying to ignore the fact that you looked, indeed, stunningly cute and beautiful. Your soft hair, the dress, clinging onto your female curves and the necklace, which really fit your eyes.  
“I brought cookies. Ran and Ren helped me make them”, he showed you a white plastic bag, smiling. His nose was red, also his cheeks. It must have been really cold outside, colder than during day time.  
“Thank you!”, you cheered, inviting him in. You told him where he could put his coat and led him into the kitchen.  
“Haru is out to get some icing for the cookies and the cake”  
Makoto watched your back, he could literally feel your excitement even though you probably didn’t notice it yourself. He was glad that the loneliness vanished out of your heart.  
“Haru was here already?”, he asked, slightly surprised.  
“Yeah, we were shopping together since he’s alone, too”  
So Haru had spent the whole time with you.  
“He already wanted to give me my present”, you said, looking at Makoto apologetic as you showed him your necklace. His hand reached out for the pendant and his fingers brushed over your cleavage when he took it.  
“It suits you really well…”, he complimented you, lost in thoughts when he wondered whether his gift would look just as good on you. He really hoped that you’d be happy about it.  
“Thank you”, the smile you gave him imprinted itself into his memory, it was even more beautiful than your usual smile. He never thought that this was possible.  
Makoto realized that his thoughts were drifting off so he let go of the pendant and looked at the unfinished cake and cookies, hoping to get rid of any indecent thought.  
“Is there something I can do?”, he asked and you nodded eagerly.  
“If you could help me put that _restive_ icing on the cake, that would be really great”, he chuckled softly at your pouty behavior, feeling that you had to deal with that sticky, sweet substance for way too long.  
“Okay”

 

“It really isn’t enough…”, Makoto sighed when he watched the icing getting less and less. Haru was taking some time to get one. He probably searched all over for it…  
“Yeah…”, you sighed, too, due to slight exhaustion and frustration.  
“I guess we can’t-…”, when he was about to look at you, the brunette male suddenly stopped talking and chuckled.  
“[Name]-chan”, he laughed melodic.  
“There is icing all over your face”, he couldn’t handle that amount of cuteness. He remembered the last time, when you restored the pool and there was paint all over your face.  
“Really?”, you squinted to look down on your nose, and he was right. There was a pink spot on the tip of your nose and it wasn’t hard to guess that it wasn’t only your nose. Even your cheeks were pink.  
“Well, can’t help it…”, you sighed and looked at your hands which were also covered in pink icing. Seeing Makoto chuckle at you, provoked you and you swiftly reached your hand out to smear some icing on his cheek.  
Makoto yelped at that, jumping slightly in surprise but after some time he couldn’t help but chuckle again.  
“You got me-…”, you didn’t feel like giving him a break so you did it again and smeared some on his other cheek.  
“I got you **TWICE** ”, you said, proud of yourself and grinned cheekily. His smile froze at that and his green orbs got slightly darker.  
“[Name]-chan”, he threatened in a joking way and stepped closer to you. Once was alright, twice was slightly maddening.  
But it wouldn’t keep you from teasing him any further, right?  
“Three times now, Makoto”, when you were about to reach your hand out again to smear some on his nose, he grabbed your wrist gently, keeping you from moving as he took some icing off of his cheek and smeared it back on yours.  
You couldn’t help but squeal at the sensation of his finger, rubbing on your skin. It sure took you off guard. Knowing that, Makoto couldn’t help but smile joyfully. Usually, Makoto wouldn’t get physical since he was a big guy he was afraid of hurting people. But, if you had so much fun when he got a little physical it wasn’t that bad.  
So he grew bolder, tackling you again and smearing some icing from his face onto yours, leaving you squirming and laughing until your stomach hurt.  
“M-Makoto, please, I got it! Mercy, please”  
“Mercy? You don’t deserve any”, he tried to smile just as evil as the evilest villain he had ever seen, however, it turned out to be the most excited and playful smile he’d ever shown to anyone.  
Since you didn’t deserve any mercy, he cupped your face with his hands, rubbing all the icing on his hands on your cheeks, he even brushed over your jaw and ears, making you yelp and laugh again.  
You looked so adorable, laughing like that, your small face between his huge hands. You seemed so frail but tough at the same time, he couldn’t help but laugh, too.  
“Okay, okay, okay, Mako-… Makoto _PLEASE_ ”, you begged, causing him to let go of you. That was easier than expected. He probably thought that you deserved some mercy now.  
“You look even worse now, [Name]-chan…”, the brunette male smiled gently, brushing your cheek with his thumb.  
“Whose fault do you think that is?”, you pouted, shooting him some death glares, making him feel bad.  
“Sorry… I got carried away”, he apologized sincerely and watched you walk to the sink. Even though he knew that you weren’t mad at him, he felt sorry. Sometimes, even when he played with cats or his siblings, he gets carried away.  
“Did I hurt you?”, he stepped next to you as you let the water run over your hands. It surprised you a little, so you looked at him.  
Again, he couldn’t help but smile gently. Your cheeks were flushed due to his rubbing, but also pink because of the icing. You looked so, so, SO cute and sweet…  
“No, why?”, you blinked at him.  
“Because… you know, the others tell me that my way of swimming is really strong and fierce. I don’t notice it myself so… maybe I’m also fierce at doing other things… and I don’t want to hurt you…”, there was a genuine frown of worry on his face when he looked at you, his smile completely gone.  
“Aw… Makoto, no, of course not”, you smiled at him – it seemed right to encourage him with your smile.  
“Yeah, you are strong and tall… but you are the gentlest giant I know… I know that you would never hurt me, Makoto…”, you said, encouraging with the way you talked as you smiled softly at him.  
He returned your smile, grateful for your words as he took a paper towel, wet it and wiped the icing off of your face. You shut your eyes in surprise at that, mewing slightly.  
“Makoto, what-…”  
“I did this to you so I’m cleaning you…”, since he seemed eager about it, you didn’t try do defy him. The young male rubbed gently on your skin, dappling every now and then. It really felt like you knew each other for forever now. Well, in some ways you did, right? The way he talked to you, the way he behaved was sometimes really different from the way he’d behave with the other boys. Maybe it was because of the fact that you were a girl? No, he didn’t treat Kou the same way.  
Maybe it was because of the fact that you were you.  
You felt his finger brush over your lower lip so you thought that there was some icing too. Some really stubborn icing which wouldn’t go away, even though Makoto was brushing over it for some time already.  
“Hey, Makoto?”  
“Hm?”, he raised his eyebrows softly, smiling gently as he continued cleaning your face, lost in thoughts.  
“Should I do it for you, too?”  
He flinched at that and his cheeks flushed a bright red.  
“D-Do… what?”, he definitely should listen carefully next time.  
“Clean your face”  
“O-Oh… thank you…”  
You took that as a yes and you grabbed also a paper towel, wetted it and gently brushed over his face, cleaning every single trace of icing off of him.  
Seeing that his nose was as pink as yours, you couldn’t help but chuckle.  
“Wow, that sure was a tense fight, huh?”, you laughed, pinching his nose, making him laugh.  
“Yeah, it was fun…”, he said, probably slightly regretful since it was over now. He also pinched your nose, making you snort and laugh even harder. You felt like starting a new fight, however, Makoto didn’t seem like he’d enjoy it. There was something on his mind.  
“Hey… [Name]-chan… you said that Haru already gave you your present… can I…”, you could see his Adam’s apple move as he gulped.  
“… also give you my present for you?”

 

You felt his gentle fingers tug carefully on your earlobe as he tried to help you wear the earrings he bought for you. They were black, an orca dangling on each. He thought that they’d suit you and he was right. However, he wasn’t sure whether you wanted to wear them right away since they probably wouldn’t fit your dress. But you didn’t care. It was Makoto’s gift, of course you wanted to wear them immediately, right?  
You felt his hot breath hitch, his hands shake slightly as he tried to hold some distance between you but at the same time he wanted to close said distance as fast as possible. He also was way too scared to hurt you, so he was overcautious, not getting nowhere.  
“Did you find it?”, he was searching for the little hole for a few minutes already. The truth is: He already found it minutes ago, however, he didn’t dare to move.  
“Y-Yeah… but it’s so small… won’t it hurt?”  
“Nope, it’s fine. Just do it”  
“O-Okay…”, he slowly put the earring on your ear. Really, really slow. Sure, he didn’t want to hurt you, however, you’d stand here, waiting to wear the second earring tomorrow at that rate.  
“Makoto, it’s really-…”, you hissed when you suddenly felt a sharp pain, coming from your earlobe, making you flinch. The brunette male immediately withdrew, letting go of the earring which dangled from your ear. It was half way in but somehow it hurt.  
“O-Oh no, [Name]-chan, did I hurt you? Are you alright?”, he asked, a expression of dead-serious worry on his face. Hurting you was the last thing he wanted to do so he felt really bad about it as if he himself could feel the pain.  
“It’s fine, it doesn’t hurt…”, you smiled at him, not paying attention to the pain that has already past.  
“B-But…”, Makoto stuttered, looking at your earlobe. As soon as he watched the sensitive skin turn red he gasped. There was little blood. He probably damaged your earlobe a little during the process.  
“Oh god, you’re bleeding”, he suddenly took the earring away from your ear to see whether it was bad or not.  
“Makoto, it’s nothing, really, I-…”  
“ **No**!”, that sudden exclaim made you flinch. Not in fear but in surprise. Who would have thought that Makoto would actually raise his voice?  
“Please! Please, [Name]-chan, let me take care of you! You always take care of us, ever since you joined the Swim Club so, please, let me help you for once!!”, you watched his green orbs glister with emotion, worry, regret and self-hatred. Makoto wanted you to feel safe and be happy, he never wanted to hurt you. And since he was really serious about protecting you, you couldn’t help but sigh.  
“Okay then…”  
Those words made him the happiest man alive. 

“Is it still bleeding?”, you asked after some time, the young Tachibana has been staring worriedly at your earlobe ever since it started to bleed.  
“No…”  
“See? I told you that it’s nothing bad. Sometimes I hurt myself, too, you know?”  
Makoto sighed as his thumb caressed the red skin gently.  
“Does it hurt?”  
“A little, but it’s going to be okay… Look, Makoto… don’t feel bad about it, okay? You are my friend but sometimes friends end up hurting each other. But they also are able to make up, okay?”, he nodded, still looking like he, as a puppy, bit his owner.  
Because, even though you said that it was fine, he felt like he betrayed you. You trusted him when you told him that it was fine for him to put them on for you and he failed you. You even bled.  
“But I’m still sorry…”, since he was still close to your ear, you felt his breath gently brush over it as he whispered those regretful words. It felt like his face was getting closer to your ear with every word he said.  
“I’m so, so sorry, [Name]-chan…”, and he felt sorry for Haru, too. He knew about Haru’s feelings towards you but he couldn’t help but do the thing he did. However, if it was with Haru… couldn’t he share? You, getting loved by Haru and himself… was that alright?  
Nononono, what was he thinking?! Wasn’t that something perverted? By the way, you weren’t some ‘thing’ to be shared. You were a lady to be loved.  
You felt Makoto gently kiss your earlobe, making you shiver and your face turn a thousand shades of red. It tickled but felt good at the same time. But you couldn’t think like that, right? Makoto was a friend, just like Haru was.  
“Merry Christmas, [Name]-chan…”  
You wanted to say something in return, however he kissed your ear again, sending shivers down your spine and you couldn’t help but moan, making Makoto withdraw suddenly. His face was fire red, his heart was racing and his hands trembling.  
“R-Right now… yo-your voice was-…”  
“[Name]? Are you alright? I knocked but you didn’t open the door…  
“A-Ah, _Haru_!!!!”  
That was a nice coincidence and probably a frustrating ‘cockblock’ to some people but whatever.  
“Are you alright?! You were gone for so long!!”, you hurried towards the raven-haired male, successfully escaping the embarrassing situation with Makoto.  
“Were you worried?”, Haru asked as he took his coat off. His face was red, probably because of the cold.  
“Of course! It’s snowing and cold outside, isn’t it? Ah, besides, Makoto is here, too!”  
“Yeah, I saw his shoes”

 

“Thank you so much for getting the icing, Haru!”, you cheered, probably for the sixth time already, making Haru blush ever so slightly. But you couldn’t help but feel sorry for him. Even though he offered you himself to go out and do the purchase.  
“It’s fine already…”, he probably was slightly annoyed by your cheering.  
“Haru, that looks good!”, Makoto changed the subject and looked at the cake Haru was decorating. Haru sure was really artistic.  
“Wow… Makoto’s right, Haru… You’re awesome…”, you could watch his ears turn a bright red at those compliments. He was about to complain, however, the vibration of your phone interrupted him.  
You grabbed your phone to see who mailed you. It was Nagisa.  
_~ “ [Name]-chan, help me, I don’t know your address ٩(´Д` ;)۶:.* “ ~_  
Wasn’t Rei with him? Rei knew where you lived, right? Since he wanted to bring you that cake the other time…  
_~ “ Isn’t Rei with you? “ ~_ , Rei also asked you to call him by his first name, so you did it.  
_~ “ I lost him ((´д｀)) “ ~_  
_~ “ I’m sure that HE lost YOU “ ~_  
_~ “ Thehehe ಠ‿↼ “ ~_  
Seriously, that boy…  
_~ “ Alright, walk along the beach, you’ll see me outside the house “ ~_  
_~ “ Thank you sooooooo much [Name]-chan!!!! (づ￣ ³￣)づ “ ~_  
“Sorry… that was Nagisa. He doesn’t know my address and lost Rei… so I go meet him… is that okay?”  
“Sure. Haru and I decorate the cake and the cookies”  
“Thank you!!”  
You felt bad for leaving Makoto and Haru behind like that but since Nagisa was lost you couldn’t help it. 

 

Who would have guessed that you’d see Rin's face when you opened the door? Coincidences like that actually exist, huh?  
“Rin?!”, you exclaimed, slightly surprised. At first, he was grinning cheekily at you but when he saw your reaction, his face turned into a portrayal of disappointment and anger.  
“What’s with that reaction? You even asked me to come over you dork!”  
“A-Ah yeah, yeah I know!! I was just a little surprised, that’s all, geez! And don’t call me ‘dork’, dork!!”  
“Haru and the others are here, too?”  
“Yeah. Well, Haru and Makoto, that is. Nagisa and Rei aren’t here yet”  
He nodded at that, looking at your winter coat.  
“Are you going somewhere?”  
“I go pick Nagisa and Rei up… hopefully. Nagisa got lost”  
“That’s really like him”  
You laughed at that. It was good, seeing Rin relaxed like that.  
“Why don’t you come in? It’s warm inside and smells like sweets!”  
Rin grimaced at that. You almost forgot that he didn’t like sweet things.  
“Aww... come on… are you saying that we made them all for nothing?”, seeing the disappointment in your expression made his heart clench slightly.  
“Naah, eating it won’t kill me, you know?”, he gave you a confident smile, showing his teeth.  
“I come in now”, he said, walking towards you, however, when he, casually, looked up at the doorframe above the two of you, his eyes widened in horror and he completely stopped walking. He didn’t dare to utter a word, all he could do was gulp in horror.  
“Shit…”, was what he said when he dared to speak again, not losing sight of the thing above the two of you.  
“What’s wro-…”, you followed his look, looking at the doorframe. When you saw that green plant you gasped, wearing the same expression as Rin did. You hoped that Haru and Makoto were too distracted to notice what was going on right now.  
“A fucking mistletoe? Really?”, Rin snorted, making fun of you. However, you knew that his shaky laugh was an attempt to get rid of the embarrassment that swelled within his stomach. He could feel his heart race and his palms started to sweat.  
That was awful. Horrible and utterly humiliating.  
You groaned as you thought of your aunt who’d put something like a mistletoe in places like this. You couldn’t help but sigh and cover your face within your palms due to the embarrassment and frustration.  
“Aunty… I dare you to come back home…”  
“Well, I didn’t know that you wanted me to kiss you that desperately”, but aunty wasn’t your main nemesis right now, right?  
“ _Huh?!_ ”, you grimaced, showing him genuinely that you were offended by his accusation.  
“Putting a mistletoe in places like this…”, he tried to hide his true feelings by putting a ‘confident’ smile on, however, you already saw right through him. And he knew that.  
“Stop acting all cool, you’re just as embarrassed as I am!”, you scolded him, putting your hands on your hips. And you were right. He didn’t know what to do and tried to laugh it off. Of course, he wanted to tease you, however, he couldn’t do it properly when he was embarrassed himself.  
So he sighed, rubbing his tensed neck as he thought of something.  
“Well… no one saw us… Haru and Makoto probably didn’t even notice that I’m here… so we can pretend that nothing happened”, his face was bright red, even the tip of his ears glowed and he didn’t dare to look you in the eyes. But you, too, felt your cheeks grew hot with every second you looked at him.  
“Oh god…”, you sighed again, covering your face again. Why was it always you? Why would such thing happen only to you? Your heart raced. A kiss under a mistletoe was something romantic, traditional and something everyone looked forward to, right? Everyone would feel happy about it.  
“By the way, I got you a present”, Rin desperately tried to loosen the tension, changing the subject. He gave you a white plastic bag, still avoiding your eyes.  
It was almost impossible for him to continue talking, so he cleared his throat. Three times. He cleared his throat three times, making you feel really uncomfortable.  
“Go ahead. Take a look…”, he really wanted to distract you.  
You nodded, opening the bag and looking at the black hoody. There were red dots all over it and it looked like the one Haru lend you the other day.  
“Oh god!”, you gasped, looking at Rin. Your heart clenched slightly, your red face made his heart clench on the other hand and both of your hearts skipped a beat.  
You looked so cute with your sparkly eyes, obviously liking your present.  
“It’s the fluffy hoody”, you cheered, immediately fishing the clothing out of the plastic bag.  
“Yeah… you liked the way Haru’s felt… ‘nd I told you that I have the same… but I couldn’t find it anywhere… so I gave you mine”  
_Oh god, he remembered?_  
You felt tears well up in your eyes and were surprised by that yourself. Why would something like that move you like that? Was it because Rin opened up towards you and remembered that you liked Haru’s hoody? Was it because you knew now that Rin was paying attention to you the whole time?  
“What’s with that face? You’re not about to cry, are you?!”, his face fell in horror. That wasn’t good. If you cry, he’d cry, too.  
“No, I’m fine…”, you chuckled, rubbing your eyes in an attempt to chase the tears away.  
“I’m just happy… that you remembered that…”  
Rin’s shocked face turned into a gentle one and he smiled at you lovingly.  
“Of course I’d remember… you wouldn’t stop talking about it, you idiot”  
It was strange that Makoto and Haru haven’t noticed the two of you talking yet. But you were a little glad about it. If they would see you, Rin probably would act all tough and wouldn’t be honest.  
“But… I can’t accept it, can I?”, you frowned, looking at the hoody. It was Rin’s after all. Of course you liked it, however, you wouldn’t want Rin to give you something he’s attached to.  
“What? Are you serious? I came all the way here to hear you say that?!”, Rin frowned, scolding you for your consideration.  
“Because it’s yours!”  
Rin groaned, rubbing the back of his head in exhaustion and complained silently about you. Why couldn’t you just accept the gift? It was embarrassing enough, why couldn’t you just shut up and be happy?  
“Geez!”, why couldn’t you just stop making him flustered and blush all the time?!  
The maroon-haired boy suddenly snatched to hoody out of your hand, took its hood and put it on your head, tugging at the hem.  
He leaned forward to be able to look into your eyes even though most of your face was covered by the fabric and his forehead met yours gently.  
Your noses almost touched, that’s how close he was. You gulped at his way of showing affection and blushed heavily. Usually, if his face wasn’t this close, you dared to look away. However, this time you felt like he’d grab your face and turn you to face him if you’d avoid his look.  
But you were glad that you were this close to him. That way, you could feel his breath shake, his rudeness waver with every second he looked at your soothing eyes and you felt like you were able to feel his rushed heartbeat. That, of course, was dumb and cheesy but you just knew that his heart was beating as fast as yours.  
“It’s YOURS now, idiot. Don’t make me say it twice… and stop ditching me all the time…”, you’d often ditch him and not go jog with him. He endured that much but he wouldn’t let you return his present for you. It was yours now, just like the affection he gladly gave to you.  
“A-Also…”, now it was him who avoided your eyes but he didn’t part himself from you. Quite the opposite. It felt like he leaned closer in, pressing his forehead onto yours with lots of affection.  
“Merry Christmas, [Name]”  
Your blood rushed into your head, making you feel dizzy. This damn idiot! Why would he do that? He was way too close and saying cute stuff like that in situations like that was the worst! Well… he probably had a tug-war with Makoto, concerning strange ways of saying ‘Merry Christmas’…  
Your blood boiled when you thought about Haru and Makoto secretly kissing you, it was so embarrassing! But it was Christmas, after all, right? So giving them some kisses would be alright. Just… some friendly kisses.  
“Rin…”, you, saying his name, sent shivers down his spine. He felt like cuddling you and shower you in all the feelings he had towards you.  
“Y-Yeah..?”  
You cupped his face with your hands, turning it gently to the side so his bright red cheek was exposed to you. You swiftly kissed his hot cheek, just like that. Quick and easy.  
"---"   
“W-W-Wha-… **What the hell?!** ”, he jumped backwards, bringing some distance between you and sheltering his cheek with one hand. Rin shot you some angry glares, complaining for making him feel uncomfortable like that. Well, it wasn’t easy for you, either.  
“Sorry… it’s tradition so I thought it would be okay… a peck on the cheek, nothing bad…”  
Let’s call it ‘the heat of the moment’.  
“Sorry…”, you excused again, hiding your face within your palms again.  
This was the worst. He didn’t even ask for that. He himself said that it was alright to ignore this damn plant.  
“Geez, if you apologize, it seems like you think that I hated it…”, he rubbed the back of his head nervously, turning his face away from you.  
Hearing him say that made you look at him again, your face bright red.  
Seriously… you looked way too cute.  
He walked closer again, lifting his hand to brush a strand of hair out of the way to expose your forehead.  
Again, he gulped, pecking your forehead just as quick and easy as you did.  
“Don’t make that face… idiot…”

 

On your way to the station you called Nagisa and Rei. Nagisa answered immediately, however, Rei didn’t.  
“ **[Name]-chaaaan!!!!** ”, Nagisa rushed towards you when he saw you approaching from afar.  
“Nagisa!”, you called back to show him that it was indeed you and that you were just excited as Nagisa to see him.  
When he was close enough, he pulled you into his arms for a loving embrace without hesitation and rubbed his cold cheeks on yours, causing you to chuckle.  
“[Name]-chan!”, he cheered again, pulling away from you – only a little, that is – and smiling brightly at you. Seeing your face brightened his day, no matter whether he felt like crying or not. Even when he already was happy, you made him even happier with your smile and your eyes which seemed to see right through him.  
“Hey, Nagisa”, you laughed, returning his hug to warm him up a little.  
“Mmmmhn, you’re so warm”, the blonde male hummed, rubbing his nose gently on yours, giving you the cutest and most tender Eskimo kiss you’ve ever received.  
“Nagisaa, that tickles”, you complained under your laugh, causing him to chuckle, too.  
“I know, that’s why I’m doing it”  
It took him some time to free you out of his embrace. You felt way too comfortable and soft.  
“So, what happened to Rei?”, you frowned at him when you walked along the beach.  
“I don’t know…”, he sighed and looked down on the sand beneath his shoes.  
“When I told him about the present I bought for you, he suddenly gasped and rushed away…”  
So that’s what happened. Rei didn’t lose Nagisa, as you thought before. Nagisa really lost Rei, which wasn’t common.  
“I tried calling him but he wouldn’t answer…”, the younger male complained and you nodded. He also didn’t answer your call. You started to worry about Rei. No… you weren’t worried. You were really afraid for him. What if something happened to him?  
“[Name]-chan…”, Nagisa gently tugged on your sleeve and looked at you, a worried frown on his face.  
“He’s going to be fine… We’ll find him”, the blonde male’s fingers gently brushed over your sleeve, searching for something. He found it when the tip of his fingers touched yours. Nagisa wouldn’t have guessed that his heart would actually jump at that little contact, but it did. And it felt good.  
“I hope so… I’m going to send him a message…”, you said, fishing your phone out of your pocket.  
“Yeah, me too”  
As the both of you were sending worried messages to Rei, Nagisa took your silence as an invitation. He intertwined your fingers with yours, squeezing your hand gently. Your hand felt so warm and soft – probably because you haven’t been out in the cold as long as he has – that it made him want to feel even more. He wanted to touch you more.  
But your sigh dragged him down from cloud nine.  
You actually didn’t mind him, taking your hand. You guessed that his hands were cold so you didn’t mind warming them up a little for Nagisa. And you thought that he took your hand for that reason.  
“[Name]-chan…”, he said again when you wouldn’t say something.  
“Sorry… it’s just… I’m really worried about Rei… What was he thinking, running off like that and not answering any calls or mails…”, you complained and you caught yourself getting mad at Rei for making you worry like that.  
Nagisa felt slightly frustrated. He didn’t know what to say, even though he wanted to make you feel better.  
When he suddenly stopped walking, you were pulled back by his hand that held yours.  
It wasn’t fair. Nagisa and you rarely spend some time together, now you could! But Rei was making the both of you worry so there was no way he could enjoy this time with you.  
“I’m sorry, [Name]-chan…”, he suddenly murmured, causing you to blink in surprise.  
“What? What for?”  
“Because…”, he avoided your eyes, focusing on the ground as he bit his lower lip in frustration.  
“Rei forgot to buy you a Christmas present… he panicked and I told him that it would be fine because I was sure that you’d be fine with some cake and then… he ran off”  
You looked at Nagisa, slightly confused and bewildered.  
“Nagisa… why haven’t you told me sooner?”  
“Because it’s dumb. It’s all my fault…”, the younger male sobbed, holding your hand tighter in frustration.  
“I couldn’t even find Rei-chan…”, even though he wasn’t able to show it, Nagisa was really worried about Rei. Probably even more than any of you.  
“Nagisa…”, you sighed softly, wrapping your arms around him again, for some other reason this time. You hoped that he’d feel comfortable and calm down.  
“It’s not your fault… You were looking for him but Rei didn’t want you to find him”, you stroke his head to soothe him.  
“That’s not your fault at all. And, you said so yourself, right? He’s going to be fine. I go search for him after I brought you home, where it’s nice and warm”, you said softly, taking the other hand of his to warm it, too.  
“You’re really cold and I don’t want you to catch a cold, okay?”  
The blonde male looked at you, sniffing a little and nodded.  
“Sorry…”, he apologized again, probably for ‘bothering’ you.  
“It’s okay. You can’t always be tough, right?”, you were glad that Nagisa agreed on going home with you to warm himself up. You wondered how long he was outside, looking for Rei. He must be freezing.  
“Yeah… but…”, when the two of you started walking again, Nagisa felt another ‘but’ on his tongue which he just couldn’t ignore.  
“You probably still think that I’m a kid, right…?”, he asked, a sad smile on his face.  
What did he mean by that?  
“What?”  
“Back than… when we were looking at Haru-chan’s photo album… you said that we haven’t changed at all… and just now you even had to console me, like a kid”, he explained, looking at you again. That sad smile was still on his face, making you also sad.  
“Yeah, but-…”  
“It’s not fair… Because we really changed, you know…”, Nagisa tried to hide his frustration by laughing. It didn’t quite work, though.  
“Haru-chan and Makoto are one year older than me and Rei. But even Rei is tall, handsome and has a nice voice…”  
Oh god, where was he going with this?  
“I can’t help it that I’m still small… and that my voice isn’t as deep as the other’s”, his grip on your hand turned frustrated and desperate. Nagisa obviously thought about your words way too much. You didn’t even mean them!  
“I’m not the kid I used to be…”, again he bit his lower lip, lost in thoughts. Even though Nagisa was complaining, you didn’t get the point. What was bothering him?  
“I just… want you to look at me like you look at the others…”, the sadness on his face was replaced by an eager one. He really seemed fired up and it was obvious that he wanted you to change your opinion of him. He wasn’t a kid, even though he probably behaved like one.  
Nagisa was growing up, too. Slowly, but surely and he wanted you to acknowledge that. However, the thing that bothered him the most was the fact that he was about to lose against the others, just because of his height or voice. He was afraid of you thinking that he wasn’t as mature as the others. He didn’t want you to think that you couldn’t talk to him about anything.  
He didn’t want to lose you because of such dumb reasons.  
“Nagisa, what are you talking about? Of course, you aren’t a kid anymore. I know that! You’re growing up, too. But there’s still some difference between you and Haru and Makoto. But that’s obvious, right? Since they are older than you. But I’d never think of you as a kid”, you didn’t know whether this was enough to satisfy him but you really hoped so. What else could you say? Why was he bothered by that anyway?  
“Why are you bothered by that?”  
“Because I don’t want to lose you! I don’t want you to feel like I’m too immature. I want you to talk to me about things that bother you. About everything! About you, your problems, what’s bothering you, even the things you have to endure for being a woman! I want you to share it with me when it’s too much to take…”, you had no idea that Nagisa was bothered by all those things. Haven’t you paid much attention to him? Were you only talking with Haru, Makoto, Rei and Rin? Were you treating Nagisa like a kid?  
“Nagisa… really, I don’t think that you’re a kid… to be honest, I think, every time I take my eyes off of you for a second, you seem to be more and more mature. I won’t leave you behind”  
Nagisas pink orbs sparkled at your words as his heart clenched a little. He really hoped that you were telling the truth, on the other hand, however, he knew that you weren’t lying.  
“You know… some people left me behind because they thought that I’m ‘not mature enough’”, he explained and it was obvious that he’d be scared to loose other people.  
“Even on Christmas they tell me how to act and what to do…”, he told you, obvious frustration on his face. Was he talking about his family?  
“Well, if they think so, they probably haven’t seen all of your faces. I saw some really mature ones”, you smiled gently, drawing circles on his index finger with your thumb to soothe his anger.  
“For example, the face you make when you swim. It’s really serious and reliable. I really feel like trusting you with every secret I have”  
And the smile he gave you was the gentlest and most dependable he’d ever shown.  
“That’s why I’m not going to leave you behind. Because you are dear to me, just like the others. Not because I want a kid to take care of but because I know that I can trust you and depend on you when I really have to”, that was way too much for poor Nagisa and his cheeks flushed in embarrassment.  
“That’s all of maturity I need, if you ask me”  
“O-Okay, you can stop now… that’s embarrassing”, he chuckled, rubbing the back of his head. His hand relaxed and it felt more pleasant to hold his hand now.  
“Uhm… don’t you mind when we hold hands? Sometimes I rush into things, without thinking… you have to tell me if you think that I’m too pushy…”, this time it was you who held his hand a little stronger.  
“It’s a little embarrassing… but it’s okay since your hands are really cold…”  
Nagisa looked at your profile with a serious expression. Sometimes you were just too much. Too honest and too cute. But you were showing all of this to everyone, that wasn’t fair.  
How would you react if he’d tell you that his whole body was cold and waiting for you to make him feel warm again?  
Nagisa gently led your hand to his face, placing a kiss on the back of your hand. You flinched at that, looking at him with a bright red face. But all he did was smile.  
“Merry Christmas, [Name]-chan”

 

After you brought Nagisa to your house, your phone vibrated suddenly. When you read the name on the display, you felt like a ton of worries were taken off of your shoulders and you sighed. It was Rei.  
He sent you a mail, asking you to come to the bakery from last time. Well, you should have known. Nagisa told Rei that you’d probably like a cake so he went buy some.  
_Seriously, that Rei…_  
You started to feel really cold, your hands felt slightly numb and you didn’t want to think of how Rei would feel.  
It took you some time to reach the building and even when you did you weren’t sure whether it was the right one or not. Everything looked different at night and there was no single light inside the building so you couldn’t see what it looked like on the inside.  
However, when you were close enough to notice Rei standing in front of the door, your heart skipped a beat and you knew that you found it. Worried, you ran towards Rei, shouting his name.  
“Rei!!!”, when he recognized your voice, he turned towards you, a disappointed smile on his face.  
“It is closed…”, he sighed, readjusting his glasses to hide his disappointment and frustration. However, that wasn’t the thing you cared about.  
“Rei!”, you exclaimed, anger written all over your face and he couldn’t help but flinch at that.  
“Y-Yes!”, he answered, stiff and slightly scared sine he probably knew what you were going to say.  
“How could you just run off like that?! Do you know how worried we were?!”  
Rei shrunk in regret, knowing that he did something wrong.  
“I am really sorry, [Name]-senpai… I forgot to buy you a Christmas present… and Nagisa-kun told me that you would probably like cake, so I came here to buy one…”, he explained sheepishly, looking down to avoid your eyes.  
“I am really sorry…”  
You sighed and rubbed your face with your hands. It was really exhausting, taking care of all the boys.  
“Well, you’re okay so it’s fine, I guess… but don’t ever do that again”  
“Of course not… I just… it is the first Christmas I would spend with you… so I wanted to at least get you a present which would make you happy, [Name]-senpai”  
Seriously, how could you possibly be angry at someone like Rei, who wouldn’t hurt a fly and was regretting every single thing he did wrong?  
“Rei… you don’t have to get me a present to make me happy…”, you smiled at him gently, causing him to look at you. He was obviously touched by your words and he grimaced as if he was about to cry.  
“Thank you so much, [Name]-senpai… I am really glad to be able to spend Christmas with you”, he even bowed in front of you!  
“Okay, fine, just let’s go home, okay? It’s really cold”, you whined, grabbing his hand to drag him with you.  
When the younger male felt your could hand, he felt something melt inside of him. How long have you been looking for him? How long have you been outside in the cold?  
“[Name]-senpai… your hands are so cold…”, he stated, worried about you.  
“It’s fine.”  
However, to him, it wasn’t ‘fine’ at all. So he stopped walking, taking the risk of making you angry.  
“Rei, why-…”  
“Please, [Name]-senpai… give me your hands… both of them”, reluctantly, you obeyed, letting him take both of your hands.  
He gently led them to his lips and he started to puff his hot breath on your cold skin. You were slightly dumbfounded by his action but it didn’t bother you. It was slightly embarrassing – like the whole evening – but it made you feel nice.  
“Does it feel good, [Name]-senpai?”, Rei asked, after some time, sheepishly and his cheeks were slightly red.  
You nodded slowly, still somewhat bewildered but you were glad that Rei was there.  
“Relly? Good…”, he showed you a gentle and beautiful smile as he continued to warm your hands.  
He stopped after some time, however, he didn’t let go of your hands.  
“When I was on my way to the bakery…”, he started to talk as he fished something out of his pocket.  
“I found this…”, he gently put something into your hand.  
When he let you see it, he looked at you with curiosity since he wanted to know what you thought about it really badly.  
Your eyes widened and your heart clenched when you recognized what that thing on your palms was.  
It was a preserved snowflake.  
“When I saw it, I immediately thought of you… it’s the most beautiful snowflake I have ever seen, [Name]-senpai, but it cannot hold a candle to you”  
“Oh god…”, you sighed, looking at him with wide eyes. He was wrong, the only thing that couldn’t hold a candle to something was your present! Your present couldn’t hold a candle to his!  
“Wow…”, a few strands of hair fell into your face when you chuckled. It was so romantic and cute, you couldn’t handle it.  
“Do you like it?”, Rei asked lovingly, smiling at you gently, the soft blush on his cheeks not leaving as he brushed your hair behind one of your ears.  
“Yeah… it’s really beautiful. Thank you, Rei!”  
He shook his head slowly to brush your ‘Thank you’ off as he brushed the fingertips of one hand of yours with his lips.  
“Merry Christmas, [Name]-senpai…”

 

Even though you thought that you had to spend Christmas alone, it got quite exhausting and exciting. The boys spent time with you, not letting you get lonely even if it was for one second.  
It was beautiful and nice, spending Christmas with them, seeing them all lively and happy. And even though they probably ate already with their families, they seemed like they were hungry again, eating Haru’s and your cooking, the cookies and the cake.  
Since Nagisa was the only one who didn’t have the opportunity to give you his present for you, he started. It ended up being the same penguin plush you bought for him…  
“Oh no, [Name]-chan!!”, he laughed at the coincidence as you exchanged presents.  
“It’s the same one! But, it’s fine, right? Since we have matching plushies now”, he cheered, hugging the plush dearly and rubbing his cheek on its, just like he’d always do it when he hugged you.  
“I call it: [Name]-chan!”  
“No, you can’t do that!!”, you exclaimed, embarrassed and flustered but it was obvious that you couldn’t stop him from calling it like that.  
But it was fine. He seemed to like his gift really, even though it was exactly the same you got for him.  
“Thank you, [Name]-chan”, he cooed, giving your cheek a soft peck.  
“Nagisa!!! What the hell are you doing?!”, Rin reacted faster than you – who only blushed.  
“You can’t do that!”, he had the blonde male in a headlock, rubbing his head roughly.  
“Ngra… Rinrin, stop it!”  
Since you didn’t want to bother them, you kept on going. Rei was next but after receiving your present it felt like the present you wanted to give him wasn’t good enough.  
But your worries were for no reason. As soon as he saw the keychain, his eyes sparkled with gratitude.  
“It… is beautiful”, was what he said, thanking you from the bottom of his heart.  
Next was Rin. You already received his hoody so it was your turn to give him his present.  
“It’s nothing special… I thought it would suit your style…”, you said, sheepishly since you felt like he’d tease you. However, he took it with a huge grin on his face.  
He liked it. Probably?  
“You’re right… It’s nothing special”, he teased but he immediately put the necklace on, keeping the pendant save in his hand.  
“But it’s the thought that counts, right?”  
You were mad at Rin for the rest of the evening for teasing you.  
Next was Makoto. Boy, were you nervous. The longer you looked at the gift for him the more you felt like it was only something for girls.  
“Here”, you wanted to make it quick and easy so you clenched your eyes shut and shoved it towards Makoto, hoping he’d like it.  
“Are those… kittens? And goldfishes?”, he asked excitedly and it was only then when you dared to open your eyes again. He, too, put it on immediately. And it looked good on his skin. It didn’t seem ‘girly’ at all.  
“Thank you so much!”  
“Come on, show us Haru’s gift”, Rin grinned, thinking that it was way too hard for you to get his present right.  
“I’m still mad at you, you know”, you said casually, making him grimace and show you his sharp teeth.  
“Since Haru likes to bath… and since he likes mackerel… I thought about this!”, you showed proudly your floating mackerel figure and Rin burst out with laughter.  
Even Nagisa laughed, however, Rei and Makoto knew best.  
The raven-haired male looked at you, his cheeks slightly flushed.  
“For me…?”, he asked and when you nodded, he reached his hands out for the mackerel figure hesitantly.  
“Thank you…”  
“Ew, Haru, you’re gross”, Rin commented since he couldn’t understand why he’d be happy about a gift like that. But Haru was special so he had special taste.  
“You’re the gross one…”, Haru said, unimpressed.  
“You gave [Name] your already worn out hoody”  
The maroon-haired male blushed heavily at that. He thought that it was a romantic gift but saying that would be embarrassing.  
“And in red at that. Blue looks better on her”  
“Huh?! It’s obviously red! Red suits her the most!”  
“Blue”  
“Red!!!”  
“Blue.”  
“RED!”  
“Uhm… excuse me but it got really late… did it not?”, Rei looked at the watch and frowned worriedly.  
“That’s no big deal! Let’s sleep here!”  
You flinched at the sudden decision.  
“[Name]-chan is alone anyway so it’s fine!”  
You had the feeling that ever since the boys decided to spend Christmas together with you everything escalated. Very quickly.  
“But I do not have any spare clothes with me!”  
“Rei-chan, you need to learn to relax! It’s only for one night, it’s fine!”, Nagisa said, hugging his plush dearly.  
“But we shouldn’t-…”  
“Right, [Name]-chan?”, Makoto tried to help you out, however, the blonde male didn’t care at all about Makoto.  
All you could do was sigh since you couldn’t throw them out of the house. It was cold outside and snowing, it would take Rei and Nagisa some tome to get home.  
“Fine… But it’s going to be really cramped”  
“Cramped equals cozy!” 

“’Cozy’ my ass”, Rin groaned as he tried to find a comfortable position on the floor. You only could offer them three futons, one bed and a few blankets since your aunt wasn’t prepared for many guests. However, none of them really wanted to use the bed, they all wanted you to sleep in it. But how could you sleep in your comfortable bed when there were five guys lying on the floor of your room?  
“Ow!”, you exclaimed when something suddenly hit you in your sides.  
“Oh god, [Name]-chan, I’m really sorry”, that was Makoto.  
“Stop being so big, Makoto”, Rin complained, even though he wasn’t even lying next to him.  
“But it’s cozy!”, Nagisa sighed blissfully and he sounded really close.  
“Stop complaining. Sleep”, that was Haru. He, also, sounded really close.  
You had no idea how that worked and how they did it but they really seemed like they managed to sleep next to you. Every single one of them. Or was it only their heads around yours?  
Well, you’d see how you’d wake up on the next morning.  
“No, wait!”, Nagisa suddenly exclaimed.  
“We can’t go to sleep yet! We have to say ‘Merry Christmas’ all together on the count of three!”  
“Are you fucking kidding me, Nagisa?”, Rin groaned, exhausted and tired.  
“One… two… three”  
“Merry Christmas!!!”  
And it worked. Everyone except for one managed to say it.  
“Is Rei asleep already?”, Nagisa asked, pouting slightly.  
“He probably isn’t used to staying up late at night, heh”, Rin teased Rei even though said one was already asleep.  
“Well, at least someone got his sleep pattern in control. Good night guys, sweet dreams!”  
“Good night!”  
“Uh~, even that was in tune, we are awesome!”  
“Nagisa, shut up, go to sleep”  
“Rin, you’re the loudest”  
“Haru~! Don’t start a fight”  
“Guys. Sleep. Now”

When you were asleep, you haven’t noticed that they were repeating their words, whispering them to your sleeping face.  
“Merry Christmas… [Name]”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone!  
> Yes, I know, I know, I suck.  
> And therefore, I decided to give you the Christmas Special (which is on Quotev, too). The new Chapter is almost done, just a little longer   
> I got asked, if this is my original story. Yes it is, I just reauploaded it from Quotev because I don't really like Quotev... in fact, I hate it... uhm yeah, Merry Christmas everyone <3  
> I love you still =D  
> (And I'm still alive)  
> 


	31. You, probably leaving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Since your asthma got worse gradually in Tokyo, you returned to Iwatobi, your hometown and started living with your aunt.  
> Sports was always something you weren't able to enjoy. And being afraid of the water, swimming was never an option.  
> When you meet the swimming boys, you couldn't help but think of them as hot and unapproachable. However, you soon get dragged into their business and become the most important person to them.  
> A person who'd not only see the water's surface but beneath it
> 
> (Re-upload, coming from Quotev)

Two days have passed since Rin’s call and it was only yesterday when Kou told the guys about the big news you already knew about.  
Rin was going to swim the relay which meant that he was racing the boys again.  
Well, he already told you about it but you couldn’t tell the others about it, right? That would mean that you’d betray Rin, right?  
_Urgh… this is awful…_  
„Hey, [Name]-chan, are you listening?“, you flinched slightly when you heard Nagisa’s voice call out to you.  
“Hm?”, you had been lost in thoughts even during class, thinking about Sousuke, Rin and the others. You thought about what kind of hurdle would await you since it was obvious that something had to happen. Something had to happen to save Rin. Plus, you felt exhausted because you weren’t able to sleep well last night. Because of multiple reasons.  
The blonde male looked up at you, him, standing in the pool and you sitting on the edge as you let your feet dangle in the water.  
“I was asking why you’re not joining our training!”, Coach Sasabe even gave in to the guy’s begging and started coaching them for nationals but you didn’t participate. The reason being that you are a girl and girls had to suffer during a certain time of the month.  
Nagisa already asked that question yesterday but you were able to tell something about not feeling well. He wouldn’t accept the same reason again.  
“U-Uhm…”, but you absolutely didn’t want Nagisa or any of the boys to know. You were sure that you could talk about anything with them but some topics just were too embarrassing to talk about.  
You couldn’t help but avoid his piercing, pink eyes because you knew that he was looking right through you. Nagisa had some kind of ability to make people feel exposed to him, no matter how hard they tried to hide their secrets. And they end up telling him about them.  
“That’s… because…”  
“Aren’t you supposed to work on your jump?!”, you had to bite down on your lip to prevent yourself from sighing in relief when Kou helped you out by scolding Nagisa a little.  
“Wah, Yes mam!!”, the blonde male got back to his training, just like the others and you looked up at Kou who had come to your rescue. She was smiling kindly at you before she sat herself next to you.  
“Are you alright, [Name]-senpai?”, she probably knew that you didn’t feel good and she also thought that she knew the reason.  
“You know you can talk to me, right?”, you watched her smile change to a worried frown and you felt bad. Jesus, you were on your period, that’s all, she didn’t have to worry so much.  
But then, they all knew about your asthma and your aquaphobia so of course they were worried.  
You sighed and nodded.  
“Yeah… don’t worry… it’s just, you know… sometimes it sucks being a woman”  
“Oh… you mean ‘sometimes’ as in ‘that time of the month’-sometimes?”, the redhead gently bumped your shoulder with hers and smiled encouragingly at you.  
“Well, at least you were able to swim the race, right? Positive thinking!”  
You chuckled under your breath at the last part, which she cheered in English. That was, indeed, a good point.  
“Heeey!! What are you two talking about??!”, of course it was Nagisa again who waved at you girls.  
He sure was curious.  
“Anyway, why don’t you go to the changing room to escape the heat and sun?”, Kou was obviously enjoying it to keep you safe from Nagisa’s puppy eyes and questions.  
Secretly, she was happy about talking to you about something you didn’t talk about with the others. 

 

You sat yourself down on a bench with a sigh of exhaustion and closed your eyes as you leaned back on the cool iron of the lockers.  
The air was hot and sticky and for the first time you actually wished to get into the pool without thinking about it twice.  
But at the same time you felt slightly cold – it was annoying.  
You thought about the guys again. Would Rin ask you to join the private training again?  
Would that be okay?  
Even though you wanted to train with the redhead again, you felt slightly repulsed by the idea. Especially because of the letter you received yesterday.  
It was just like any letter before, too, however the _I miss you_ made you feel slightly uncomfortable.  
Was there really someone who was looking for you every time they knew that you were at Samezuka’s? Wasn’t that a little creepy?  
_Good thing I won’t swim for some time…_  
You also wanted to talk with Nana again but she said she’d have a hard time parting from you if she wouldn’t start standing on her own feet, without you.  
Your thoughts got interrupted by a knock on the door.  
“[Name]-chan? Can I come in?”, it was Nagisa’s voice, which was strange since practice wasn’t over yet.  
“Yeah, sure”, you said and watched him open the door, come in and close the door behind him again.  
Water was dripping from his hair and body and it was obvious that he was bothered by something as he came closer and sat down next to you, not wanting to make you wet.  
Even though he was the one who wanted to start a conversation he kept silent and just stared down on his thighs.  
You supported yourself with your hands on the bench and leaned yourself a little forward so you could see his profile clearly.  
“Nagisa? What’s wrong?”, usually he wasn’t this quiet unless he really was bothered by something.  
“Uhm…”, that was the only word he said to tell you that he was listening and that he needed some time to say the right words.  
“You knew that Rinrin would join the relay, right? Even before yesterday, right?”, it was only a matter of time until they’d find out and they knew that you couldn’t be honest all the time with them since you didn’t want Rin to turn his back on you, too.  
“Yeah…”, finally the blonde male’s pink orbs looked at you and it felt like the usual. Like he’d see right through you.  
“I see…”, there was a small smile on his face as he chuckled softly. He didn’t force himself to hide the insecurity in his voice. He wanted you to know about it.  
“What’s wrong… Nagisa?”  
The small smile vanished, he looked at you and you thought you saw some desperation in his eyes.  
“I’m just glad that you and Rinrin get along…”, why was he beating around the bush like that?  
“Rei-chan said that Haru-chan’s somewhat strange today… he doesn’t swim like he used to… Maybe it’s because Rin-chan joins the relay, too… so, I think that Rin-chan will be alright from now on…”  
Wasn’t that a good thing?  
Why was he acting so strange?  
Nagisa’s pink orbs couldn’t look at you any longer, so he decided to watch the ceiling instead.  
“Which means… you don-…”  
**“Heeey! Are you two in there?”** , Nagisa was interrupted by Coach Sasabe’s knocking. Apparently you’ve spent more time in the changing room than intended.  
“A-Ah, Yeah!”, and Nagisa always got away without saying the important words he wanted to tell you, leaving you dumbfounded just as always.  
“Alright, we’re coming in then”, was what the Coach said before opening the door. He started to open and close the lockers as soon as he got in, which was, to be honest, a strange behavior.  
Was he searching for something?  
After he opened the locker next to you his face lit up.  
“Ah, there it is! ‘Forevar Iwatobi’”, you leaned forward to see what he was looking at and read it yourself.  
He spelled it completely wrong and you couldn’t help but chuckle at that.  
“It doesn’t affect his coaching-ability…”, was what Haru said to you and Nagisa who teased Sasabe for his spelling.  
“That’s right! Let’s keep up the good work so we can race Rin again”  
You looked at the guys getting fired up as soon as Rin’s name fell and your heart clenched a little at that. You really hoped that everything would turn out fine.  
You also looked at Rei, who didn’t seem as fired up as the others. Of course not, he didn’t know Rin.  
“Rei…”, you whispered his name softly, hoping that he was the only one who could hear you.  
Rei looked at you, his deep, purple orbs showing you all of his uneasiness before he left the room. 

 

After practice you decided to look for Nana so you could have a talk with her again. But the members of her club told you that she had left already.  
She probably, most likely, was avoiding you.  
Well, you couldn’t blame her. Seeing the one you love enjoy themselves with others was horrible.  
So you had no choice but walk home alone since Haru and Makoto had left, too, after you had told them that you’d look for Nana.  
When you left the school it already started to get really dark.  
You were completely alone, only a few people were on their way home, too.  
It reminded you of the festival when Rin had to save you from some horrible guys and you unconsciously started to walk faster.  
The shadows of buildings, streetlights and trees looked more threatening during night. This feeling changed, fortunately, when you reached the beach since there weren’t any narrow alleys and no corners.  
**Bzzbzz** , but this sound still scared you to death and it took you some time to realize that it was your phone.  
You fished it out of your pocket in a hurry to see that you got a mail from Rin.  
_not coming today?_  
It’s been a while since Rin, Ai and you had practiced together. It was all because of the drama that you thought that he didn’t want to practice with you anymore.  
Even though you wanted to, you had to decline.  
_Sometimes it sucks being a girl_ , you thought to yourself while apologizing to Rin.  
_Don’t sweat it… also… well…_  
_Sorry for falling asleep the other day_  
You were sure that he was blushing while typing this, it’s Rin we’re talking about after all.  
_It’s fine… I’m glad you were able to fall asleep_  
Right after you answered Rin’s mails, your phone started vibrating in your hand again.  
It was a call from Rei.  
You accepted the call and greeted him with a cheerful “Hey, Rei” but all you got was a stuttered “Go-Good evening, senpai…”.  
Even though he was the one calling you, he didn’t say nothing for some time so you decided to wait until he was ready to say something.  
One of the many things you had learnt while hanging out with the guys was that some of them were too shy to get to the point right away.  
Rei was one of them.  
“U-Uhm… I am sorry for calling you this late but can I talk to you right now?”  
You smiled slightly at his hesitant behavior.  
“I wouldn’t have accepted the call if I didn’t have time for you. So, of course, Rei… what’s bothering you?”, you remembered the uneasy look he gave you after practice, he probably wanted to talk about that.  
“It is just… well... I feel uneasy… and I was hoping that you could help me out…”, his voice grew weaker, as if he was feeling ashamed of himself for saying those words. Rei made a lot of pauses but you had the patience and silently walked along the beach, feeling the sand crunch under your weight and listening to the dark sea’s gentle waves. You could see the moon’s and the city’s reflection as if they had some kind of twin siblings, living in the sea.  
“I noticed that… Rin-san is not acting like someone who deserves the attention of our team members…”  
Yes, you had thought the same. Before you spent more time with Rin, that is.  
“He is pushing them away whenever they try to reach out for him… yet… they spend so much time caring for him… I just… I just do not understand that way of thinking! Why would they be fine with being treated in such a way!”, you’ve never heard him talk like that, never heard him sound so desperate.  
Since you understood him well, you had no idea what to say. You had felt the same way a long time ago but your way of thinking had changed. Everything about you had changed ever since you met the boys.  
“I am sorry… please, do not think of me as someone rude…”, you didn’t find the right words so you fell silent for some time, making Rei feel conflicted.  
“No, don’t apologize. I understand where you’re coming from and I thought like that, too… a long time ago… but then I met Rin, I heard his part of the story and some of the boy’s point of view… I don’t know everything that had happened yet but I know that Rin still is a friend to our comrades… and they want to have him back and I want to help them”, Rei didn’t seem to be satisfied with that, it made everything worse.  
“Even you are thinking like that… why… I thought that you were just like me, not knowing about their past and therefore being a pariah-…”  
“Rei, no! We’re not like that at all!”, you didn’t like the word he used to describe the two of you at all.  
“We’re no pariahs… we’re their friends who happen to don’t know their past and that’s fine! Listen… let’s ask them about it, then, okay? I know how you are feeling and I know that you feel like someone who isn’t part of the team because I felt the same way! But I’m sure they’d tell us about everything if we ask them, okay? Because we are part of their team! We aren’t some outsiders any longer…”  
Rei fell silent for some time, he probably took his time to calm down.  
“I am sorry… I am just tired of being the only one left in the dark…”  
“And that’s fine, Rei. It’s only natural that you want to know more about your friends… It’s just that you shouldn’t ask me, because hearing the story from the people who went through it is way better, okay? So, let’s ask them together, alright?”  
“Alright… thank you…”, he even smiled a little, you could tell, and he was really glad that you wanted to help him. It made him feel like someone important.  
“But… uhm… do you know the whole story?”  
Your eyes watched the dark waves as you walked along the beach. All you could see was the surface, you could only guess what was beneath it.  
“I don’t know… maybe I do… but that doesn’t matter because we gonna ask them together anyway, right?”  
“Right…”, Rei chuckled a little and it made your heart flutter with relief. You were glad that he felt at ease again.  
“Are you still feeling uneasy?”, you asked, not wanting to leave him hanging.  
“No… thank you… I thought that I shouldn’t feel this frustrated because it is not any of my business… but it is… because I want to know more about my friends…”  
“I’m glad…”, you couldn’t help but smile happily at that. You didn’t want Rei to feel left out, because he was just as important to this team as anyone else.  
“Also… I wanted to ask you another thing… about the dream you had… well… are you still having those nightmares?”  
That’s right. You told him that you had nightmares about him drowning. But not anymore.  
“No, not anymore… because I see you every day I know that you’re fine… thanks for asking…”  
“A-ah, no…”, he obviously wanted you to say something and therefore hesitated to hang up.  
You didn’t know what he wanted to hear but you decided to say something to ease his mind.  
“Rei, you’re important, you know that, right? You’re doing your best, more than anyone else and you’re butterfly is really beautiful… so don’t ever think that you’re nothing more than a filler”  
Maybe that was it. Maybe all he wanted was someone who’d say those words.  
“Tha-Thank you… You, too, are very important and beautiful…”

 

“I’m hooome~”, those words were accompanied by a sigh of exhaustion as you opened the entrance door and greeted your aunt.  
“Welcome back… wow… you sound like you’re about to die”, she probably was expecting you since she stood in the entrance, wiping her hands on a kitchen towel. The smell of bread told you that she was preparing sandwiches for dinner.  
“That’s because I **am** dying…”, you sighed, unzipping your Iwatobi-Jacket – it was way too hot for that kind of thing.  
“Did something happen?”, your aunt came closer and put a gentle hand on your back to lead you to the kitchen and the dining table.  
“It just feels like my abdomen is being torn into pieces…”, you sighed again as you slumped down on the chair and put your forehead on the cool table.  
“Oh my… how did you deal with swim practice, then?”, you could hear the screeching of the chair being pulled and the creak it made when your aunt sat down next to you.  
“Kou-chan was there with me and I think she put one and one together…”  
“Thank god…”, she said as she put a plate with a sandwich on it in front of you.  
“Being surrounded by guys isn’t easy, huh… especially during **that** time of the month… but then, maybe they’d understand just like Sousuke”, when she mentioned Sousuke, your head shoot up and you straightened yourself in an instant. Her words made you blush heavily.  
She probably referred to the story you told her once.  
You were all alone at home in Tokyo and you had cramps which made you want to cry, so you somehow ended up calling Sousuke, complaining about your day and how you hated some of your classmates.  
“I didn’t want him to know!”, while phoning with Sousuke you said that you were in pain, which caused him to react with all the overprotectiveness he had. Sousuke had thought you had accidently killed yourself so you had to tell him that it was nothing bad, just monthly suffering.  
So he ended up coming over with cookies, chocolate and heat patches to cure your cramps and let you curl up beside him on the bed as he petted your head.  
“Yeah yeah, whatever, here”, while you remembered the story you had told her about because of the embarrassment you had felt back then, aunty stood up and handed you a pack of sweets and heat patches.  
“Thanks…”  
You put your head again on the table and let yourself drown in the growing pain and self-pity.

 

“Uuuh, it’s **hot**!!!”, if you would have known that Coach Sasabe would cook a hotpot you definitely wouldn’t have come to the meeting at his house on the next day.  
The summer heat alone was killing you why did you have to eat a hotpot?  
When Haru and Makoto had picked you up and told you that they’d eat over at Sasabe’s house you looked forward to it and didn’t eat anything at home. You were starving but you weren’t sure whether you wanted to eat some of that pot.  
You had laid down on the tatami mats behind Nagisa and Rei near the opened sliding doors and the fan in hope to get some fresh air but it was no good. You felt your shirt cling onto your body and it was awful.  
“It’s definitely tasty, so eat!”  
You had to bite your lip to keep yourself from groaning as you sat up, looking anything but pleased as you looked over Rei’s and Nagisa’s shoulders to see the crab boil.  
Miss Amakata was the first one to try a bite reluctantly. But it seemed like it tasted good so everyone else started eating, too.  
“It’s really good!”, was what Amakata and Nagisa said while you watched them eat with suspicion on your face.  
“Come on, [Name]-chan, eat some!”, the blonde male next to you urged you while he took some vegetable with his chopsticks.  
“Say ‘Aaah~’”  
“Ho-Hold on, Nagisa-kun!”, Rei blushed at that and you thought that his glasses fogged up because of the hotpot he was eating but you thought wrong. Rei was embarrassed by the fact that Nagisa would share some chopsticks with you because, to him, it was just like an indirect kiss.  
And Makoto and Nagisa thought like that, too.  
“Urgh…”, you sighed before parting your lips, thinking nothing much to it.  
You chewed a little on the vegetables he fed you, feeling the hot but perfectly spiced taste explode on your tongue. It tasted great. But it still was way too hot and you couldn’t help but sigh.  
“Hot…”  
“You looked forward to it and didn’t eat anything… so eat”, Haru felt slightly fired up by Nagisa’s behavior and started a contest of wining you over so he offered you a bowl with some of that hotpot.  
You took it reluctantly and started eating, exchanging looks with Makoto, the only one who didn’t seem to mother you.  
_I’d rather have some ice_  
The brunette male looked at you for a second before giving you a gentle smile, reading your mind with no sweat.  
“We can get some ice on our way home”  
You nodded at that, sighing again. You were too bothered by the heat to notice that Kou sat herself next to you, handing you a glass of water while the others started to talk about the proteins that hotpot contained.  
“How are you feeling today?”, was what she asked with a low voice, taking the opportunity. She looked slightly worried even though she tried her best to smile gently.  
It took you some time to know what she was talking about since you weren’t sure whether she really had found out about your lady problem yet.  
But when you did, you blushed a little.  
“Better, thanks”  
“That’s good”, Kou’s worried frown vanished and she chuckled happily.  
“Maybe we should plan a ladie’s night some time?”  
**”The crab’s on fire!!!!”**  
Miss Amakata’s sudden cry startled you to death and you immediately looked at the hot pot.  
But there was no fire.  
A strange silence filled the room.

 

Makoto and Nagisa came up with the idea to lit some fireworks and had brought some. You didn’t know why but you thought that they wanted to loosen the mood with that.  
You stared at the sparks coming from the firework in your hand while you sat next to Haru. It brought back some memories. Like those you made with Nagisa during that summer festival.  
Or those you made with Haru and Sousuke when you were little at the festivals. They, too, had lit some fireworks with you and watched your face light up in fascination and awe.  
“I haven’t done fireworks in a long time”, your memories went hazy when you heard Haru say those words. You weren’t sure whether he was talking to Makoto, next to him, or you, also sitting next to him. Maybe he was talking to both of you.  
“Yeah…”, you said absentmindedly and smiled a small smile. Everything was so easy back then. All you had to do was rely on Haru and Sousuke. Now things are more difficult. You had to protect them and handle more complicated situations.  
Why couldn’t you be kids again?  
“[Name]… what’s wrong?”, you haven’t noticed that you had drifted off again, so you couldn’t help but flinch at Haru’s question.  
“Nothing… I just remembered that we used to do those kind of things often. It’s really nostalgic…”, you looked at him and got lost within his blue orbs again. Haru’s eyes seemed to shine brighter when your eyes met and you thought that he was smiling at you gently on the inside.  
You were too busy smiling at Haru so you didn’t notice that you were being watched by lonely, green orbs. 

You had a great time, until Kou found a photo album of the boys.  
There wasn’t a single picture with you on it. It was always just Haru, Mako, Nagisa and Rin. You had missed out on so much and getting that fact rubbed in your face hurt you a little. You couldn’t help but smile lonely at those pictures, showing those guys having a barbeque and attending on many tournaments.  
But, of course, you weren’t the only one feeling left out. Rei, too, understood you better than anyone else.  
You looked at him, seeing his eyes darken with sad thoughtfulness. He couldn’t understand why they would talk so happily about memories with Rin when Rin didn’t know how to cherish those memories.  
When he was being a total dick.  
Apparently you stared at Rei for a while now because he noticed you and your eyes met. You remembered that promise you gave him, that you’d ask the boys about their relationship they had with Rin with Rei. 

Time flew by and if it wasn’t for Kou, telling you that she’d go home soon, you would have stayed for another few hours. But you couldn’t so the guys and you were on your way home, eating some ice.  
While Makoto and Nagisa talked about the hot pot being too hot you walked next to Rei, never leaving his side.  
“Now’s a good time… if you still want them to tell us about their past”, you suggested with a soft voice, not wanting to pressure him. But it was now or never.  
He must have thought the same thing when he suddenly stopped walking, too shy to draw attention on himself.  
Luckily Makoto noticed that Rei and you had fallen behind and simply stood there.  
“What’s wrong, Rei?”, the brunette asked and it felt like Rei let hours pass before speaking his mind.  
“Just what happened between the four of you? You were all so close on these pictures and looked happy… I’m tired of being the only one on the outside.”  
It was true. Because you knew Rin’s story, you could guess what happened. So Rei was, sort of, the only one not knowing anything. And you felt bad for that. However, you, too, could only guess what had happened so you were curious about their story. 

 

“Rin was obsessed with relays from the moment he joined the club”, Haru agreed on telling Rei the whole story with a soft smile. Because Rei was part of your team. You decided to find a quiet place on the beach so Haru could tell you everything that happened.  
“He didn’t tell us why until right before the finale. His father was one of the first members of the Iwatobi swimming Club. His dream was to become an Olympic swimmer. But he became a fishermen and died in an accident”, Rin had told you about that and a discussion about ruining parent’s life followed. You remembered that and couldn’t help but smile at Ai’s words. That he was glad that you were born.  
So Rin decided to go to Australia, becoming a good swimmer himself. But first he wanted to join the same club his father did. So he could win a relay, like his father and share his dream.  
The boys won the relay and Rin went to Australia.  
“He told me that he’d show me a sight I’ve never seen before. And at that time I felt like I saw it”  
_A sight he’s never seen before…_ , what was that?  
Was it the feeling you had when you took the 3rd place at the tournament? The feeling you had when you heard the boys cheer you on?  
“So, if you swam and won the relay together… why is your relationship so different now?”  
You thought you knew the answer.  
Because Rin had hit a wall.  
It wasn’t even the boy’s fault. Or Haru’s fault because he beat Rin when Rin had payed Iwatobi a visit for New Year’s, like Coach Sasabe told you.  
It was no one’s fault. Rin was desperate, that was all.  
“During the winter break of my first year in middle school,…”, you knew that Haru would blame it on himself.  
When you heard him tell the story, you couldn’t help but look up at him with a desperate expression, hoping you were wrong. Hoping he would tell you a story you didn’t know. Hoping he wouldn’t blame it on himself. Unfortunately, he didn't.  
Haru told you that he couldn’t tell that story anyone, so no one knew about it. Not even Makoto.  
So it hurt Haru that badly.  
“He said he’d stop swimming”  
So Haru stopped swimming because he felt guilty for 'making Rin quit swimming'.  
“N-No, Haru, that’s-…”, you wanted to tell Haru that it wasn’t his fault. But it was probably Rin who should tell him that, right? That thought kept you from raising your voice more.  
Rei interrupted you by asking questions like why Rin wasn’t satisfied with winning and would swim the relay. It was a question no one knew to answer.  
Maybe he wanted to understand what it takes to be the boy’s teammate. Maybe he wanted to understand the feelings he once had when he swam with them.  
In his current state, not even Rin could answer this question, you thought. 

It was a long day and when you got home, you wanted to rest on the couch with your aunt. She sat next to you and you leaned on her while she massaged your head.  
Unfortunately, you couldn’t rest long due to the landline ringing like mad. You could hear your aunty grumble something before she stood up and answered the phone.  
“Yeah?”, there was a pause and she obviously didn’t care what impression she left at 10 pm.  
During that pause, you got a mail from Rei, who thanked you for backing him up. He also told you that he wouldn’t show up tomorrow for club activities. He didn’t tell you the reason but it made you curious so you asked him. It would be another secret you’d have to keep from someone, just like Sousuke’s.  
“Yeah… she’s home…”, when your aunt said that, she sounded lost in thoughts.  
“Honey, it’s for you”, you stood up with a sigh, walking towards your aunt who had a sad look on her face. She couldn’t even look you in the eyes or hand you the phone over.  
_Oh-uh…_  
“Hello?”  
“Hello, dear. It’s mom… how are you?”, you were slightly surprised over the fact that your parents wanted to talk to you. Usually they’d avoid that because guilt would eat them alive. Your heart started racing a little for no reason at all. Your parents have been showing you the cold shoulder ever since you were born. Actually talking to them felt so weird, it made you feel like you are talking to strangers.  
“I’m fine. How about you two?”, it took you some time to answer. You tried to sound cheerful but that didn’t quite work. Because you knew that they wouldn’t call you just to ask you how you are.  
“We’re fine, too…”, was the answer, followed by silence.  
She obviously had something to tell you but was too much of a coward to do so. That’s why it took her so long.  
“Listen, honey… I’d like to take you back to Tokyo…”, she wasn’t asking you whether you wanted to go back to Tokyo. She wasn’t suggesting.  
“Come back to us, okay?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *rises from the dead*  
> OMG, I'm so sorry... I had a writer's block, university etc. I wish I had a better excuse but I don't  
> I hope you guys are doing fine and that you enjoyed that chapter, which was basically nothing at all so I'm gonna write the next one soon (I said that way too many times  
> Also!  
> I'm thinking about getting beta readers because sometimes I when I re-read my chapters over and over I want to smack myself. Wth am I doing with all those gramma mistakz?  
> If anyone is willing to become my beta reader, I'd be really happy =3  
> So, take care guys and stay/get healthy! <3


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